Post by The Circle Television Network on Oct 19, 2019 19:06:59 GMT -5
I clutched at the leather seat of our car, holding on for dear life as Sarah chattered on about…something. Honestly, I didn’t hear a word of it, I was too busy watching images of my impeding death flash before my eyes. Sarah drove like a madwoman through the heart of Texas at break-neck speed and the only reprieve I had gotten was the three times we had been pulled over by State Troopers, only to be let off with a warning as the UGWC Champion flashed her Billion $$$ smile and probably a bit too much cleavage.
I guess the look of terror in my eyes that blinked out S.O.S. in rapid secession wasn’t enough to break the spell she had cast over them.
To my eternal delight, we made it to Angie’s STA Ranch for our stay in one piece…somehow. Sarah seemed disappointed that the ride was over, but I fell out of the car and kissed the ground as if I had narrowly escaped death. Which, of course, I had.
Sarah and Angie hugged and exchanged pleasantries, but neither of them saw me staring at the two of them…wondering, silently, how I never realized the resemblance. No, they weren’t dead ringers for one another, but there was plenty as I stood by and lamented over the secret that Ava Quinn had cursed me with. A secret that I had continued to tell Ava she needed to share with Sarah, though neither she nor Angie had done yet.
This perplexed me even further, but it also solidified the fact that it wasn’t my place to tell either. All things in time I guess…but time, like my patience was wearing thin. Even though I had promised not to tell, that didn’t mean I was going to be content to let her dwell in ignorance forever. Sooner or later, one of the two of them was going to talk to my wife…or I was going to kick them in their asses until they did!
I got our bags out of the car as I watched the two sisters reconnect...with one of them blissfully unaware of just how deep that connection really ran...
“Don’t you do it, Angie!”
“I’m gonna do it!”
“I SWEAR TO GOD!”
“OH, IT’S HAPPENING, SAR-SAR!”
“NOOOOOOOO!”
BLAM!
The blue turtle shell slams down onto Peach with such an explosion that Bowser, Luigi, and Metal Mario all flying away from the impact. Rosalina blasts through the destruction and flies across the finish line.
“YES!”
“DAMNIT!”
Angie raises her arms in victory as Sarah crosses her arms and pouts. Sitting on the floor in the living room of the STA Ranch, the team occasionally referred to as “Heel Shit Up” have their backs pressed against one another as they play on a matching set of Nintendo 3DS systems. Angie does her little “Victory Dance of Joy,” which includes a quick shimmy of her hips and particularly violent jazz hands, as Sarah growls.
“The blue shell is NOT fair!”
“Says the LOSER!”
“Its in the rules!”
“Nabs!”
“Abs!”
The two bicker for some time about whether or not Mario Kart should be played under the actual rules or Sarah’s house rules...an over-complicated series of factors and events which typically allow her to win...until Sarah finally gives up.
“FINE! But I’m going to win this time.”
Sarah narrows her eyes as she nears the smugness in Angie’s snicker.
“I'm gonna be your bubblegum bitch!”
Sarah’s eyes open wide behind her glasses as she hears the personalized notification sound of Sloane Taylor. She reaches down to the floor and picks up her phone and then giggles as she sees the text from her newest friend. She had deputized her fellow WrestleStock Cup winner to help her with Project: Find Angie a Cute Boy and the girl had done a LOT of field work! The most recent text was a picture of a VERY cut boy, with a strong chin and bright eyes.
“Oh, AnGEEEEEEElicaaaaaa!”
“Yes, Sarrrrr-SAAAAARRRRR!”
Because of course the two sing together all the time. Sarah puts her arm behind her head to show Angie her phone and the picture on the screen. Expecting a cute kitty or bunny, Angie is quite annoyed to see yet ANOTHER “cute boy” and she bats the phone away from her face.
“Stop that!”
“NEVER!”
"But-"
"As YOUR World's Champion, it is my DUTY to finally help you get some BOOTY!"
"Not listening to you!"
"Woman cannot-"
"NOPE!"
"-live by-"
"PLUGGING MY EARS!"
"-Hitachi alone!"
"LA LA LA CAN'T HEAR YOU!"
Indeed, Angie has set down her DS and has plugged her ears. She shakes her head as she blocks put the sound of Sarah continuing to tell her about how amazing relationships and dating are and goes into far FAR too much detail. When Sarah finally subsides, Angie removes the fingers from her ears and narrows her eyes.
"My cats are perfectly fine. Don't you roll your eyes at me! I can feel you doing it!"
Indeed, Sarah WAS rolling her eyes hard enough for Angie to feel the movement with the backs of their heads touching.
"Sers legit, Sar-Sar, I really don't want-"
"That's only because you don't KNOW! I'm telling you, Ang! It's gonna be like a dam bursting!"
Sarah begins to giggle and Angie's face reddens.
"Well, sis-"
She coughs suddenly, though Sarah is still giggling to hard to notice how fake the cough is.
"...Sar...I think that you're just projecting."
Sarah narrows her eyes as Toad flies in front of their screens with to start the next round. As the 3-2-1 flashes, she becomes too caught up in her own thoughts to hold A after the 2 and misse the chance to boost out the gate. Perhaps she WAS projecting a bit. They had spent the last couple of days with Angie, in part to make sure that she WAS ready to defend her championship in less than a week, and there had been a distinct lack of intimacy between the Grey-Lacklans. Sarah wasn’t “blocked up,” or anything, as they were wont to say during dry spells...their “audition” playdate while still in Chicago had been EXCELLENT...but from the moment they had found themselves in Texas, Sarah could feel a small disconnect.
It had been the little things, of course, but Angie was perceptive. Sarah knew that Angie paid close attention to them and how they worked together, and that clear interest in relationships was part of the reason why Sarah was so determined to help the Cross-Hemisphere get out of her shell, and she had seen Angie notice those little things. When they first arrived and were being given a tour of some of the larger changes to the Farm, which included a tearful reunion with Ambrosia and an introduction to Baby Lael, Kenzi’s hand in hers was light. During the Dia de Los Muertos festival, an event thrown by Angie for some local orphans that made Sarah’s heart fill to bursting for her (non-spouse) best friend, Kenzi kept her distance...though she knew that was as much about the swarm of beautiful babies than anything else. And when they had settled down on Angie’s porch for a nightcap, Kenzi has silently declined sitting on her lap, or vice versa. Angie didn’t know about how Kenzi had ALSO passed on several subtle attempts at sexytimes throughout the visit, but Sarah certainly cataloged them. She knew Kenzi was overwhelmingly busy with work this week, but still, something about being in Texas was having an odd effect on her wife.
“Are you even trying, Tats?!”
Angie’s taunting tone snaps Sarah from her daze. Angie’s Dry Bones had just lapped her Luigi...and then nailed her with a banana peel for good measure. Sarah grits her teeth and buckles down, but this match was well beyond lost at this point.
“Whatev, Ms. I Pass Out at the Sight of Needles.”
Angie’s face reddens again and Sarah smiles as she feels the heat on her neck. Angie had shown genuine interest in Sarah’s second tattoo, the cross in the center of a sunburst on her right shoulder, after she had gotten the majority of it done after her Outlast victory. She had shown great interest in her OTHER tattoo, as well, the highly-detailed image of her father’s old mask on the other shoulder, which surprisingly led to Angie asking for a few stories about him. Sarah enjoyed telling stories of her adventures with her father, whether they were about traveling around the world when she was little, or life at home in the compound, or when she began her career as his valet in Texas when she was sixteen. Kenzi enjoyed stories about her departed father-in-law, of course, but there was something ravenous about Angie’s hunger for them in particular. It felt good to have a friend so invested in her life. She had so few.
“Hey Ang, wanna see my OTHER tattoo?”
Angie sticks her finger in her mouth and pretends to wretch, causing Sarah to giggle. Most people knew that the Grey-Lacklans, in celebration of their marriage, got tattoos to commemorate the event, but in “intimate” places. The girls didn’t know what THAT meant, only the hint of it, but considering the amount of skin both of the Grey-Lacklans had shown during their various ventures in sports, media, and art, there were only so many “intimate” places yet to be seen where the tattoos could possibly be.
“You see that Raab is buying into Battleground because of you?”
Sarah giggles again.
“Yeah, because I pay attention to what ring boys are doing. Next, you’ll tell me that Johnny is wrestling on Chill against a former #CoolKid!”
“Saaaaaar…”
“I’m kidding! Of COURSE I know that Raab FINALLY used some Global Dollars...AND that Johnny and Sativa are wrestling on Chill. The whole ‘YOUR World Champion’ thing isn’t a bit, Ang. I’m not just running around the world and doing media for nothing! Oh, that reminds me, did you see that award I got in New York for being the entire state’s FAVORITE UGWC World Champion, yet?”
Angie blinks in surprise.
“Um...I think that I was-”
“Here, check this out.”
A flash of hands and fingers has Sarah’s DS set down, her phone picked up, a picture sent through #DigitalPigeon, and received by Angie:
Sarah is the Best, Sarah Number One
“...okay, those shoes are cute as flame…”
“I know, right?! They were SO HAPPY to have ME there instead of Roxy that-”
“...getting a little tired of that, tee bee haitch…”
“Then maybe Rox shouldn’t have been such a crappy champ, Ang.”
“Sar-”
“No, Ang. That is a FACT and no amount of spinning can change it.”
Sarah shakes her head slightly as silence stretches into awkwardness and Angie wins the race.
“Anyway, when it comes to the company that I am THE World’s Champion for, I know EVERYTHING. Or at least, try too.”
She chews on her lips for a moment.
“For instance, I know that YOUR BOY Dave somehow conned one of his most bitter enemies to drag him along towards relevence. People might be suprised, but Deimos has done a LOT of weird stuff this year...do not EVEN mention hitting on my Step-Mumsie…”
Both Angie and Sar give twin shutters of revulsion at the thought.
“The Cutie is battling the difficulties of being a recognizable face in the world of fighting sports and ignoring all the B.S. we deal with. My darling wife is mad at me for accidentally getting her booked against our own #DeathMatchMentor. I think Dark Destroyer is one of Necron’s Phone Monkeys. Zane is ruining his all-important legacy with a series of shitty takes. And Sebs…”
She chews on her lips again, the movement causing her right dimple to come to life.
“Hey Ang, you ready for Sebs?”
“The Third.”
Sarah sighs.
“My apologies. Are you ready for Sebastion Everett-Bryce THE THIRD?”
She feels Angie shrug her shoulders.
“As I’ll ever be, I guess. He’s ubes talented, obvs, and we are #TeamJellyBeanToes4Life, so that’s coolio. You guys ready for Travis and Gabby?”
Angie takes a deep breath in response to the MASSIVE scoff given by Sarah. Somewhere in the world, Orson debates with himself over whether it was too mainstream of a scoff, though.
“Sar-Sar, don’t take them lightly!”
“Ang, let me tell you about Pierce and Gabby.”
Angie starts the next game with her fingers, but in her mind she is getting a coffee and a blanket, ready to settle in for what will no doubt be a LONG stretch of time between Sarah taking a breath between her words.
“Travis and Gabby axly share a lot in common, though the modern UGWC probs doesn’t realize that. Oh, I’m sure Travis will grab some old promotional video, push ‘play’ so that we can all see it, and not offer any new information or interpretation and call that ‘original,’ and then we’ll all be expected to understand. Which...in case you can’t catch my sarcasm...is fucking stupid.”
“...language…”
“Thankfully, I was the historian/librarian/researcher/investigator/tape-watcher of the group LONG before I was YOUR World’s Champion, so I know all ABOUT the Pierce Media Network Busted Sluts Conglomerate. As you can imagine, the sucked THEN as much as they do NOW. Oh, there are LOTS of people who are all ‘ERMAHGERD YOU HAZ NO RESPECTS’ and all, but that’s because their are titty babies like Zane who are so wrapped up in how they wish things WERE that the are blind to how things ARE. The fact of the matter is that the most important and relevant thing the two of them have done together is get to the championship round of Outlast EIGHT YEARS AGO as members of the Human Resource Department before quickly being eliminated. And like my position on Roxy being a crappy World Champion...especially when you compare to who bookended her...that isn’t just me having an opinion, that shit is FACT.”
“...language…”
“Whereas someone like Zane has spent that last few MONTHS tarnishing his career, both Travis and Gabby have spent YEARS doing the same! Honestly, when WAS the last time Travis did anything worthwhile or beat anyone worth a damn?”
“...erm…”
“Well, I mean outside of that KILLER month when Necron AND you AND Rox got #Pierce’d. Ya know, before he got knocked back down into the depths of nothing by Step-Mumsie. Before then, he was doing his best to keep his head above water by eking out wins over other perennial losers like YOUR BOY Dave or the occasional anime loser...well, outside of somehow making Wallace his bitch on the regs...not gonna lie, that shit is funny…”
“...language…”
“...and even this year, he gets a win over Zane...yet another example of Zanie-Poo not being anywhere NEAR the badass he wants to be...but that was literally followed up by NOTHING. Literally only that ONE win in that craxy Round Robin Tourney...which I THINK was won by Step-Mumsie but lets face it literally no one knows...and then LITERALLY lost seven matches in a row! If I ever lost SEVEN MATCHES IN A FUCKING ROW I would likely drive off a cliff in embarrassment!”
“...probs will eventually, anyway...craxy driver...oh, and language…”
“But for HIM, that is just par for the course! His career on the regular! A handful of singles titles, a bunch of Cooperative victories...which I DO appreciate, obvs, since I’m such a badass tag wrestler and all...you MAY have heard me talk about that...once or twice...all in a sea of SHITTY performances! I haven’t gone through ALL the records in super-duper detail, but I’m pretty positive that there is not a SINGLE YEAR in UGWC’s history where T-Pie has had his hand raised in the double digits! Meanwhile, after the 5’2” Mafia take he and the Gabster down on Monday, I will have won TEN matches in the fed in a row, a feat matched by both Kenzi AND you last year! Think about that! Some of the people ‘ruining’ the company will have gone on win streaks longer than he can do in an ENTIRE YEAR of wrestling! Talk about a truth that hurts!"
“And holy CRAXBALLZ, Gabby! Let ME tell YOU something about taking your legacy, taking what made you SPECIAL, and throwing it in the trash for no reason! Like, I get it, okay? Sex is AMAZING. Orgasms are, like, the literal best-”
“........please don’t……….”
“-and I’m not going to give anyone crap about getting their ‘O’ face on camera, or anything. Like, have I ever told you the time that Ken and I-”
Angie successfully loses herself in winning the next race and blocks out the usual unnecessarily descriptive over-share from Sarah about her love life with Kenzi.
“-and THAT is how we ended up on the no-fly list for a month! N-E-Ways, the POINT of that is how ZERO of our sextivities define who we ARE, ya know? Our races do not define us. Our sexual identities do not define us. What cute-as-flame kitty blouse you wore while sitting mojitos over brunch earlier does not define you. But SHE has decided that she WILL be defined by ONE aspect of her personality, and that just sucks donkey-balls.”
“...ew…”
“She lets other people decide who SHE is because she doesn’t DEFEND herself. So what if she’s this week’s Star Performer on Blacked...not that we voted on that or anything...totes didn’t happen...but she let’s EVERYONE hold her down for those performances! Instead of being strong and decisive, she’s let a series of...lets go with adventurous...decisions take all of her personality, both real and perceived, and distill it down to a caricature of what everyone expects. I know this dude who says something like ‘if you act dumb all the time, then guess what, you ARE dumb,’ and that applies to her. Instead of being flamboyant and flighty in one aspect of her life, and then powerful and fearsome in others, she has allowed the caricature everyone paints her as to be the ONLY person she is. And if that’s what she wants to do? If months and MONTHS of being in the UGWC again has amounted to her just being the dumb whore people are all too happy to call her is what she’s going to do? Then so be it. I’ll ragdoll the dumb bitch and put her on her back faster than Mandingo ever did.”
“...who?”
“Pfft. Like you don’t know.”
Not SAYING that Angie’s face grows hot again, but that MAY have just happened. Thankfully for her (perceived) innocence, the two grow silent in the middle of the next race, the flow of words from Sarah seeming to finally find its end.
“Hey, Ang?”
“Yeah?”
“Why doesn’t your Mumsie like me?”
Angie freezes and the DS falls out of her hands.
“Er...um...wut?”
“Your Mumsie.”
Sarah sets down her own DS and turns her head slightly so that she feels the back of Angie’s head on her cheek.
“She doesn't like me, Ang.”
“...that’s craxy, Sar. She...she likes you. She just-”
She cuts off as she feels Sarah shake her head.
“No, she doesn’t. She gives me weird looks. She makes excuses to leave the room when I enter. I didn’t notice it at first, but when I think about it, its always been that way. Like, I’m used to people being happy to see Kenzi but not then annoyed when I’m there, too. Even when we first started dating, it was always ‘Oh! Kenzi is here! And so is her mean weirdo lesbian friend.’ But this is different, ya know? She’s all smiles and anime eyes when she sees you with Kenzi or Roxy, but when she sees me, her face goes dark.”
“Sar, I-”
“Last night...I couldn’t sleep since my internal clock is all messed up, right? I ended up DPing with Sloane a bit, talking about not being able to sleep. And I was in the kitchen to get a drink, right? And your mumsie came in and stared at me like I haven’t been stared at in a LONG time. Like I was some monster. Like I was some creature. Like I was the Vampire of Lacklanland.”
Angie doesn’t respond, instead choosing to sit in silence. After a moment, she reaches up and places her hand on her shoulder. Sarah mirrors the gesture and takes her hand. They press their backs into one another, a position they silently and naturally adopted many months ago, and lent one another their strength.
I had really enjoyed spending time with Angie and catching up with her. She seemed healthy and ready to return to action, but I could tell that the attacks by Dave Rydell that had put her on the shelf had taken their toll on her. Seeing that only served to remind me of the injury I was hiding from pretty much everyone except Ava; who wouldn’t tell as long as I kept her secret and Roxy, who was bound by the rules of her Scientology audit of me not to tell anyone. Of course, there was a price for all of this.
I excused myself, retiring to the room that Angie had set aside for Sarah and I to stay in. I made myself comfortable, putting a little ice on my aching knee. I settled back and opened my laptop, casting a wary glance at the door to make sure that Sarah didn’t burst in on me. I could still hear the two of them playing Mario Cart in the entertainment room.
I dialed a number that Sarah had made a habit of finding and deleting every chance she got. It was only a matter of time before she got to this one, but for now…
The lovely caramel face of Gabrielle appeared on the screen and the two of us exchanged squeals and a virtual kiss on the cheek.
“KENZI! HEY, I…”
I pressed a single finger to my lips to quiet her down a bit. Sarah’s vision might have been shit, but she could hear a mouse pissing on a cotton ball from across the length of a football field! I stopped and listened to make sure that she and Angie were still playing video games, then I turned back to Gabby, keeping my voice low. “Hey Gabby! Sorry about that…you know how Sarah is. If she knew I was in here talking to you she’d lose her shit!”
“I don’t even understand that, we’re just friends! What is it? Does she think I’m going to turn you into a porn star or something?”
I snickered, “Yeah, probably…even though she’s the one that would be reaping all the bennies!” The two of us laughed over that before I was able to stop and get to the reason I was calling her. “Hey! The reason I was calling was because I wanted to know what your availability is coming up.”
Gabby shrugged as she looked away thoughtfully. “Couple of things for Stuffed Sluts…” I couldn’t help the look of abhorrence that crossed my face. I wasn’t a fan of the name of the porno company she worked for. I think I disliked it even more than the fact that she was having sex in movies. She could tell that wasn’t the answer I wanted to hear, so she added a bit more. OH! Travis and I will be kicking your ass on Monday night!”
I groaned at the thought, but not because I thought that my wife and I were the superior team…that was a certainty, but I hated fighting my friends. Of course, I was finding myself doing that more and more often these days. Monday would just be another day of more of the same. “Well, we will see about Monday…but I want so see if you’d be interested in reading for a part in a new television series we are developing.”
I could see a flicker of surprise in her eyes, but that quickly abated as the reality of that came crashing down on her. “Kenzi…I don’t know, you remember all the flack you got for putting me on your other show. People pretty much had it in their minds that you were going to be doing porno. That’s EXACTLY why Sarah doesn’t like me…and now you are going to antagonize her and have me doing more? I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
Her answer disappointed me, but it wasn’t unexpected. I sent her script for the show, then took a deep breath. “Just have a look at it and call me back and let me know what you think, okay?”
I watched as Gabby fought and internal war with herself over it, then finally nodded. “Fine…I’ll give it a look, but that’s not a yes…okay? I’m just going to look at it.”
I snickered, unable to help the joke that slipped out. “Just imagine how different you life would have been if you have made that decision about porn!”
Gabby’s mouth fell open, playfully. “Oh! I’m going to get your ass for that on Monday night!”
I winked, “Not if I get you first! CALL ME! Okay, bye!”
I disconnected the call and sat there in silence as I thought back to the shaming I had gotten back in Ladies All-Star Wrestling when I fell in with a crowd that had a reputation that rivaled Stuffed Sluts. Even though it was a far cry from porn, I could understand the stigma it had put on Gabby and it bothered me.
I had happened across Gabby by accident, discovering her mainstream movies locked away and not getting any airplay. I reached out to her, striking a deal that would put a bit of money in our pockets. It was a little self-serving on my part, especially since I had just used the last of our money to start up my own studio, but it worked…for a while. Gabby’s past made it tough to sell her legitimate movies without people seeking out her non-mainstream endeavors. It had cut into our profits a bit, but I think interest in her past actually got her thinking about her past…before adult films.
I had no idea that Gabby was a UGWC veteran…practically a legend. When she made her come back to the company, I was amazed to see the response she got. It was like a hero’s welcome…at first. Then…when the reality of her new profession came clear, she was made the punchline of every dirty joke ever. I felt terrible…I felt responsible! If I hadn’t reached out to her, she would have been content to just do gang bang movies and not put up with people rehashing her past and using it to make her feel small, dirty, and useless.
The thought of it legitimately made me upset! Who made the asshole make contingent the fucking moral authority on what Gabby decided to do with her body? Those goddamn hypocrites could make all the jokes and cracks that they wanted, but at the end of the day…we all knew that they couldn’t wait to run back to their sad little lives, get behind closed doors, pop in one of her films and beat themselves into oblivion! To me, that was 100 times more gross than anything Gabby had done on film! At least she owned up to who she was and she didn’t put on appearances to make herself out to be anything other than who and what she was!
I would have happily lumped Travis Pierce right in there among the bunch of jerks that was making life hard on her in UGWC, but the fact of the matter is that he really wasn’t, not like the rest. Travis had actually teamed with her before, when she was Gabby Montgomery. He knew what kind of competitor she could be and he didn’t take the tact as everyone else.
I really appreciated that…not that it was going to stop me from stomping his head through the mat.
As decent as he had managed to be to her, fate had pitted us against one another for Synergy, so regardless of my good will towards Gabby and my lack of feelings one way or another towards Travis, when that bell rang I’d have to sit all of that aside. I would do that gleefully, since I was teaming with my spouse and best friend. I would get the chance to find out first hand just how good the Caramel Goddess could be, even as I locked horns with the other ‘alleged’ celebrity in the company.
Travis Pierce had taken his fair share of shots at my projects, as well as CTN with his ‘parody programing’ but he was about to find out that while his media jabs didn’t hurt, the real ones I threw at him on Monday would hurt like hell! I knew full well that Travis was a legend in UGWC, but as of late, I had made a pretty good accounting of myself against legends. Maybe I’d never get to be a Grand Slam Champion or have a UGWC Essential Collection, but what I would have that NO ONE could refute was a long ass list of names of people I’d beaten that were Grand Slam Champions and had their faces on collectable box covers!
After Monday night…if Travis was lucky, I’d autograph that DVD box for him, so he could have a few extra bucks in his pocket for his next program rip off.
I took a deep breath as I took the ice off my knee and rubbed at it to get the feeling back. I knew that it was only a temporary reprieve until I got surgery, but the end was in sight. If I could make it to December, then I’d have a chance to get healthy without being out of UGWC and without having to give up my Chaos Title. Three to six months was the prognosis, but I felt that I could do better…and thanks for Roxy and her connections…maybe I could.
I put on a bright smile as the face of the woman who had exorcised me from Scientology flickered onto the screen of my open laptop for our Skype call. She regarded me coolly, clearly not happy to be speaking with me again, but I didn’t let that rob me of my own smile. “Terri! So nice to see you again!”
She actually looked constipated as she attempted to force a smile onto her face, in a vain attempt to match my own. “Kenzi…it’s…a real joy to see you again. It’s been…ages.”
As much as I enjoyed this little game of cat and mouse with her, I cut straight to the chase. “Look, let’s not kid ourselves, shall we? We both know that you aren’t happy to have me back in the Church, and I completely get it! After my wife’s fortune was stolen by my mother-in-law, I just wasn’t that valuable to you, and…”
Terri stiffened at this, clearly not happy with my assessment. “STOP! I didn’t call you to be run down and slandered! The Church terminated your membership when you failed to prescribe to the faith! As you know, we take our obligations VERY seriously!”
“Yes…” I added, “…especially the financial ones!” She seemed greatly offended by this, and opened her mouth to protest, but I cut her off. “That’s all water under the bridge now…especially since circumstances have changed. My career is blossoming and my studio is expanding…and what’s more, even my relationship with Ava is improving.”
Not surprisingly, this got her attention. “Ms. LACKLAN?” She tried to manage her level of excitement, but she was practically drooling at the thought of again having access to the Lacklan fortune. She tried her best to seem unaffected, but failed. “Well…that…that must be…very nice for you.”
I nodded, happy that I had them back on the hook. Regardless of the ‘truth’ of their religion, two years ago, they had managed to help me through a dark time of my life. The fact that it game with a steep price tag didn’t concern me, but it had concerned them a great deal. Now, I was back in the driver’s seat, thanks to Roxy getting my foot back in the door. “It’s VERY nice for me…and it could be nice for you as well. Access to Lacklanland…opens up a lot of possibilities…doesn’t it? I mean…what a combination; all that money and then to be so gullible as to believe that wrestling is God’s favorite sport?!” I laughed long and hard at that, and I didn’t stop until she joined me…then I knew I had her.
“Kenzi…darling…we’ve missed you SO much!” It was incredible how much better her acting got with the thought of all those Lacklan millions dancing around inside her head.
“But…I’m going to need a little something, something.”
Put on a bright smile, unaware of what I was about to hit with. “Of course Kenzi…whatever we can do for you! Just name it!”
“I need to see Tom’s doctor.” My response had clearly taken her by surprise and she was already trying to form a negative response. I waved it away, without an ounce of consideration. “I want to see the same surgeon that got Tom back up and working like nothing ever happened after he broke his ankle! I want access to that same doctor.”
“…Ms. Grey…I don’t…”
“You can, and you will make this happen for me!” I leaned in close, so that I knew my face was now filling her screen. “Full disclosure Terri…we both know that this Scientology thing is complete and utter bullshit…but…no one can deny that Tom is practically a super-fucking-human and we both know that it’s more science than it is tology! I want access to that, and if I don’t get it…you won’t have access either.” I looked at her flatly, “Do we have an understanding?”
Terri’s face soured, but I could tell it was a deal that was too good to dismiss out of hand. “Give me a few days…I’ll be in touch.”
The call was abruptly disconnected, but I knew she’d call back. They had dropped me like a hot potato after Ava had froze Sarah and I out of her rightful inheritance, but now that the Lacklan’s were once again becoming one big happy family…that presented an opportunity that they wouldn’t pass up.
At least…that’s what I was hoping as I rubbed by injured knee…
Maleek Raheem, Executive Producer for the Circle Television Network was staring at the screen in utter disbelief as the end credits rolled on the pilot episode of the new comedy series being pitched by Kenzi and Sarah Lacklan. He slowly turned in his chair and looked at the two of them in turn, eyes going back and forth. Finally, he stood up, shaking his head.
“EARWIGS?! WHAT THE HELL KINDA OF SHOW IS THAT?!”
Sarah muttered under her breath, “…it’s about more than earwigs…”
He ran his hands over his face, clearly still not getting the quirky ‘comedy’ show that Kenzi and Sarah had just brought him. “Look Fam, I’m use to weird shit from ya’ll…last year we put on a show about competitive pole dancing, so obviously ya'll know we are willing to entertain just about anything…but…but…this? I…I don’t even know what I just watched!”
Kenzi sighed, “Raheem, trust me…when Adi came to Dark Goddess Productions and pitched that show to me…my first thought was; NO FUCKING WAY!” She paused, looking at the smiling face of Adi paused on the screen, “Then I thought about it…I really REALLY thought about the brilliance of that show. Yeah, I get it…the earwigs thing was weird, but that’s not what the show is about. It’s about one woman’s quest to find that thing that has eluded her, yet comes so easily to everyone else around her. I feel Adi’s story…I’m living it right now!” It was obvious that Kenzi was referencing being viewed as an underachiever when pitted next to the rest of the #CoolKids.
Sarah gave a massive eyeroll, “Yes Beloved, just without all the insects.” The #MarketingGenius turned her red hued gaze on the CTN executive. “I understand your hesitation, but this is a hundred times better than anything else that’s on television right now!”
“…except Hexx…” Kenzi whispered.
“Yes, except Hexx.” Sarah added, giving her wife an appreciative nod.
“…and except Top Nun…”
Sarah frowned, leaning over to whisper back to her wife. “…is that show still in production…I thought it got cancelled last year…”
“Top Nun got very good reviews!” Kenzi replied, defensively. “Another hit for DGP…obviously!”
Raheem rubbed his chin in deep contemplation, “Ain’t that the shit you had Gabby Montgomery on?”
Sarah brought her hand up as she coughed, “COUGHWHORECOUGHSLUTCOUGH!”
Kenzi glared at her, then cut her eyes to Raheem. “Gabby is good people! Yeah, I know…the porn thing is a little rough, but she isn’t hurting anyone. If that is what she likes, I won’t judge her…”
Sarah raised her hand, “I will!”
Kenzi turned, folding her arms as she pinned her wife with her gaze, “You know, I pitched getting Gabby a role on Bad Date! The sexy upstairs neighbor that walks around the apartment building completely naked, but no one ever says anything because she’s so hot!”
Sarah could be seen getting legitimately upset. She was on the verge of going full-on Blood Princess as she put her hands on her hips, squaring off with Kenzi as she all but forgot about Raheem. “IF YOU PUT THAT WHORE ON MY SHOW, SO HELP ME I’LL…”
“YOUR SHOW?!” Kenzi responded in protest. “Adi brought the show to ME!!”
“AND I’M THE EXECUTIVE PRODUCER!!” Sarah countered. “If I don’t want WHORES on the show then there won’t be any WHORES on the show!” She sucked in a deep breath, folding her arms as she turned her eyes to the ceiling, “It’s bad enough you had Adi write a part for EW Johnny Bonecrusher!”
Kenzi narrowed her gaze. “Johnny is my Agent…and I…”
Raheem had heard enough. He stepped in, cutting the two of them off. “Look Ya’ll! For real, if you both feeling that passionate bout the shit…CTN will distribute it…but…one hand washes the other…you know what I mean? I’m gonna need a little something something from the two of you.”
Kenzi’s face turned up into a mask of disgust. “GODDAMNIT RAHEEM, WE ARE MARRIED! We are NOT going to do that! Can’t you control yourself? Your wife just had a baby a few days ago!”
Sarah’s red eyes actually seemed to fill with hearts as she clasps her hands together, “BABIES!”
Raheem shook his head, muttering under his breath, “…ya’ll some crazy bitches…” He took a deep breath, holding up his hands. “LOOK! What I need from the two of you is to handle Travis Pierce on Monday for that bullshit he pulled at WrestleStock! That smug asshole tried to jack CTN’s feed for that shitty ass public access channel of his and I have been looking to pay his ass back for that shit since July!” He couldn’t help the look of frustration that was on his face. “Gabby was suppose to deal with him for me, but she got that ass beat…and NOW she is teaming with him! I want Travis Pierce dealt with!”
Sarah flashed her #Trademark Billion $$$ Smile. “Quid-Pro-Quo Raheem…I will personally send that lackluster whore screaming into the Abyss on Monday night…” She paused, giving her wife a side eye, “…oh…and My Beloved can deal with Pierce.” She blew a kiss at Kenzi, “LUV YOU!!”
“THIS ISN’T ABOUT GABBY!” She turned to Raheem, a look of determination in her eyes, “We will make sure that Travis…AND ONLY TRAVIS…” she eyed Sarah, who was pretending to be otherwise engaged with admiring her nails, then turned back to Raheem. “…gets what he has coming to him. In exchange, Bad Date gets distribution at a GREATLY reduced rate and we keep half the advertising revenue!”
Raheem stood there, stroking his chin, then he snorted, “Ain’t nobody gonna be willing to advertise on that show no way! A’ight…ya’ll got a deal. I’ll get the contracts in order…just make sure Travis gets the message!”
“…and Kenzi’s whore…” Kenzi gave Sarah the finger, but the UGWC World Champion only blew her a kiss in return.
Raheem sighed, “That’s ya’ll business…just give that wanna-be a good asswhipping, yah heard?”
Sarah blinked a few times in confusion.
"Is 'ya heard' like term of your people, like 'mines?'"
Raheem sighed again and looked at Kenzi.
"Your woman fo' real?"
Kenzi returns his sigh with one full of suffering.
"I teach her when I can. That badonk makes up for a lot."
Sarah's eyes filled with confusion again and Raheem licked his lips.
"Ain't that right. All bout dem PAWGs."
Kenzi laughed when Sarah's cheeks reddened. She had learned THAT term recently.
"N-E-Ways! Yes, we'll take care of T-Pie and my darling wife's second favorite whore." She ignored the narrowed eyes of Kenzi. "In fact, I'll even tell you HOW. Do you want the shitty short version or the AMAZING long version filled with anecdotes, references, and, like, six famous quotations?"
"SHORT VERSION"
"PLEASE TOM CRUISE HELP ME"
Sarah narrowed her eyes at both of them but the put her usual unaffected air of superiority on her face.
"While it IS true that Pierce and Gabby HAVE been teammates before, they are FAR from that in 2019's UGWC. They have had NOTHING to do with one another since Gabby's return after WrestleStock, other than a joke or two made by Pierce at the Gabster's offense, while WE have had EVERYTHING to do with one another! I made it clear that the #1 reason I came back full time to Synergy was to be with my Beloved, and not just for the before-, during-, and after-show broom closet sexytimes, but for us to kick ass! And IN that time, she and I have beat up everything in our path, including Cooperative victories over the likes of TRoberts, Deimos, and #TeamSlebby, AND an Outlast Championship round that included beating the PISS out of that goat-faced dude! We have CRUSHED everything that has come before us, and we will CONTINUE to do so this week! Whereas WE are a UNITED coupling, both in the ring AND in the bedroom, THEY are two random people who used to do 'stuff' together who are now heading into a PPV match AGAINST one another for an opportunity of SOME form of relevancy! In short, Ichabod knew EXACTLY what he was doing when he signed this match: Giving yet ANOTHER showcase of the 5'2" Mafia, which currently features both the Chaos AND World Heavyweight Champion...at a combined record of 27-9 in the UGWC this year, bee tee dubs...at the expense of two listless fuckwads who basically have to BEG their opponents to lay down for them!
"Oh, and ANOTHER thing! I-"
"YOU SAID THIS WAS THE SHORT VERSION! KENZI DO SOMETHING"
Thankfully for Raheem...and the audience...Kenzi busted out the only sure-fire way to actually get Sarah to stop talking, a full-on groping kiss to make T-Robb swoon and Raheem to contemplate taking pictures. And again thankfully for the audience, Sarah's face was flushed, her breath ragged, and her words gone, when Kenzi finally let them come up for air.
"...er...um...what were we talking about?"
Kenzi shook her head, taking Sarah by her hand and leading her out of Raheem's office. He turned back to the screen that still had the Bad Date image on it. He grabbed the remote, giving a rough sigh as he muttered under his breath, "...fuckin' earwigs..." He paused, then sat back in his chair as he started to replay the episode. "...fuckin' earwigs..."
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