Sentinel 16/08/09 Results

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Vinegar: Welcome to Sentinel, and what a show we have in store...

Hanson: Does anyone really read this? I’m pretty certain the majority of people just skip to their own match and skim the rest, we could probably talk about anything we wanted to in this time...

Vinegar: That’s true.

Hanson: So, what do you want to talk about?

Vinegar: The show.

Hanson: You suck.

Vinegar: Glad I don’t disappoint.

Hanson: Go on then, ‘hype’ the show...although surely you could just say it’s Travis vs Moss, Dirge & BoolZ vs Raenius and the Lord Chief, Prescott vs Kiseragi, Everknight vs Montana, Chassie and Mickey D vs Salem and Jezebel, but it all starts off with Nathan Korpi vs JK...

Vinegar: If we did that you’d neglect the fact the winner of the main event will choose the stipulation for the Unified Global Championship match, that Everknight is making the second defence of his GIW.com title, that Raenius and Dirge have been forced, yet again to be one another’s opponents, that the feud for the GIW Tag team Championships just gets more and more bizarre with each passing day, that Mickey D’s feud with Jezebel Saint is teetering on going to a whole new level, and that...well JK and Nathan is obviously just filler....

Hanson: Well that was far easier than the usual back and forth don’t you think?

Vinegar: Damn you.

Hanson: Did I actually win, for a change.

Vinegar: It seems that way Dan. Enjoy the moment...

Hanson: Oh believe me I intend to...

“Storm Front”

Hanson: Bah, my enjoyment is already ruined...

Dennis: The Next match is scheduled for one fall, introducing first, from Townsville, North Queensland, Austraila, THE CYLONE, JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!

Vinegar: JK has been in Chile the past week...

Hanson: Why?

Vinegar: Promoting GIW...

Hanson: In Chile? Do they own TV sets there?

Vinegar: Of course they do, but I’m not sure why we sent him there, we’re not planning any events...

Hanson: Well I guess JK being in Chile is better than him being in LA...

The intro to Metallica’s anthemic “All Nightmare Long” builds slowly, the initial slow-tempo low-end noodling eventually being replaced by guitar and drums at a frantic pace that belies the fact that 3/4 of this band has been at this for the better part of thirty years.

The long-awaited full brunt of the song hits after more than a full minute of intro, punctuated by a respectable amount of fireworks from the entryway. Nathan Korpi emerges from behind the curtain, and stands on the ramp with hands on his hips. He stands there looking around at the crowd for several moments, smiling like a big kid, pointing at fans here and there. The song continues, a catchy groove that goes on for another half minute or so.

Dennis: And introducing his opponent, from the ‘Twin Cities’ of Minneapolis, NAAAAAAATHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN KOOOOOOOOOOOORPIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!

With a satisfied nod, Nate begins to make his way slowly down the entrance ramp towards the ring. He pauses here and there to smack hands with whichever fans care enough to hold theirs out. His progress is slow, since he allows fans plenty of time for people to make up their minds about whether or not his friendly demeanour overcomes his long hair, thick bushy beard, and horribly offensive death metal t-shirt.

Vinegar: From what I understand we’re incredibly lucky ‘The Nordic Horro’ made it here tonight, apparently his mentor KvK could have lead him into a lot of trouble across the border...

Hanson: And now he gets to face JK, if he loses I bet that lug would wish he’d stayed across the border.

Vinegar: it wouldn’t be easy for Nathan, despite the size and age difference of the two men, JK has to be the favourite given his experience, Nate is a rookie...

Hanson: So? JK is a child, just because he’s been gettin’ beat on for a few years now don’t mean he can beat a fully grown man, the dudes spending most of his time preoccupied battling with puberty...

Vinegar: You really have a distaste for JK don’t you.

Hanson: Anyone with any sense should do, almost everything about him is reprehensible.

Vinegar: so it goes without saying that you’re gonna be rooting for Nathan tonight...

Hanson: He knows Jezebel right?

Vinegar: Yes, yes he does...

Hanson: Then of course, dude knows how to keep good company....if you try and forget about KvK, that dudes a reprobate.

Reaching the ringside area at last, Nate hurriedly clambers onto the ring apron, sliding under the bottom rope and standing up in the ring. He raises his fists in the classic Rocky pose, soaking in the modest cheers and applause of the crowd. The song fades out, and Nate readies himself for battle.

Vinegar: It looks like we’re only moments away from the start, Owen Peterson delaying things somewhat though as he takes the time to remove the replica Unified Global Championship from around his waist, and hands it down out of the ring, I gotta say I really am getting worried about Owen.

Hanson: Of course you are you worry about everyone...

Vinegar: JK has been waiting for long enough though, and he’s not worried about Nate’s greenness in the ring and he launches himself directly at his opponent, sending him to the ground with a flying forearm which completely stun’s ‘The Nordic Horror’...

Hanson: But he’s from Minnesota?

Vinegar: His heritage is Nordic...

Hanson: So? Where about’s, Denmark? Sweden? Finland? Norway?,,,C’mon I need info, not just generic generalisations...hell look far enough back and I’m fucking African!

Vinegar: it matters not as Nate climbs to his feet, only for JK to execute a dropkick to the big man’s jaw. Nate showing his lack of experience, he’s leaving himself open to these quick attacks from JK, and ‘The Cyclone’ is currently taking full advantage of the situation, with a string of high flying attacks...

Hanson: But as he climbs to the top, Nate springs to his feet quickly, and runs the ropes knocking JK from his perch...

Vinegar: And now Korpi gets a handle on the match, lifts JK up, and slams a brutal right hand into the side of his skull...Owen Peterson doesn’t look to interested in JK’s protestations that Nate is using a closed fist, and watches unmoved as Nate connects with another to the side of JK’s skull, before just tossing the teenager across the ring, and stomping after him...

Hanson: And on reaching JK, The Cyclone attempts to get to his feet, but Nate uses years of experience from working on various nightclub doors to ensure JK stays down with a vicious punt to the midsection...

Vinegar: his style may not be that refined, but it’s certainly effective...

Hanson: Against JK, he may have to try harder against an adult in the future...

Vinegar: he raises JK to his feet, and clutches his head, squeezing at the temples....MY GOD HE IS LIFTING JK BY HIS SKULL...THAT’S...THE CRASH COURSE IN BRAIN SURGERY!!!

1...

2...

3!!!

Dennis: Here is your winner, via pinfall....NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN KOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORPIIIIIIIIII!!!

Vinegar: Nathan Korpi scores a dominant win here, but really JK was off form, and this isn’t exactly the best indication of what we can expect from KvK’s protégé...and as he makes his way up the ramp, saluting individuals in the crowd, JK finally rolls from the ring holding onto his head tightly....

The sound of a flatline fills the arena.

The screen comes to life, dim, reeling like an old filmstrip from science class.

Vinegar: What's this?

Hanson: Duck and Cover.

Vinegar: What?

Hanson: That's right, Nicholas. Duck and Cover.

Stark white words on a black background appear as if a typewriter were typing them out.

"In 2005, the MPAA lost more than 2.3 billion dollars in worldwide internet downloading and file sharing alone. The MPAA creates jobs, revenue and an export surplus for the US economy. Piracy damages economies everywhere movies are sold, displayed or broadcast. The worldwide motion picture industry, including foreign and domestic producers, distributors, theaters, video stores and pay-per-view operators lost $18.2 billion in 2005 as a result of piracy, including not only internet sharing and downloading, but recording in theatres, and illegal copy and redistribution of discs."

Vinegar: Oh no, I know what this is.

Hanson: Hey, I wonder how many people are watching Battleground on stolen cable?

"A recent analysis by the Institute for Policy Innovation concludes that global music piracy causes $12.5 billion of economic losses every year, 71,060 U.S. jobs lost, a loss of $2.7 billion in workers' earnings, and a loss of $422 million in tax revenues, $291 million in personal income tax and $131 million in lost corporate income and production taxes."

Hanson: Is that true?

Vinegar: It sounds kinda exaggerated, Dan.

"The PSP is a very popular mobile gaming machine and media player made by Sony. They have sold 33 million. Yet it is a graveyard for games publishers. It has been hacked since early in it’s life; it is simple to copy games onto and everything an owner can want is very easily available for free online. The big three gaming companies are spending millions in anti-piracy software which renders the console useless if pirated material is played on it. Last year, Nintendo alone lost 975 million dollars to piracy."

Hanson: That explains why my Wii doesn't work anymore.

Vinegar: Are you a video game pirate?

Hanson: Arrrgh!

The flipping filmstrip quality slows way down and a face begins to appear. MMA fighter Jet Somers' face appears, looking grim.

"Stop piracy now, if our economy is ever to recover."

More stark white words, "Paid for by Athletes Against Pirates"

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Vinegar: The uppercard this evening will provide us with quite the preview for Battleground, which is now only weeks away.

Hanson: Exactly. We're going to see Declan Prescott, Donovan Hastings, and Travis Roberts with hands aloft in victory, just like at Battlegrounds!

Vinegar: You know, there's no 's'.

Hanson:....well, there should be.

"Dark of the Matinee." Moss Edwards and Grace Harding have their usual routine of looking classy and casually strolling down the ramp.

Vinegar: I think you know what this means, Daniel.

Hanson: Naptime? I'm way ahead of ya.

Moss: Target demographic, you are looking at a man who has something that may surprise some. I like to call it, a winning record against Travis Roberts. Keith?

The GlobalTron shows '2-0'

Hanson: Am I the only person who remembers the Champion booting him upside the head?

Vinegar: I thought you were taking a nap.

Moss: Now, my plan is to extend this streak for the next few weeks and of course walk out of Battleground with the Unified Title. Not because I want it. But because YOU should want it. You should want a champion who doesn't track ganjal residue down the aisle each week. You should want a champion who doesn't only come out to the ring to play checkers with his ex-wife's emotions. That, by the way, is called spousal abuse. You should want a champion who has more than three facial expressions. You should want a champion who doesn't crawl into a bottle to hide from the only person who actually cared about him. You should want a champion who isn't more concerned with his DVD collection than his matches. You should want a champion who doesn't use his job to work out his long-standing daddy issues, and you should want a champion who isn't banging his way through the phone book to try and ease the pain of his lost love. YOU SHOULD WANT BETTER. And you should definitely want better than a champion who...well, I'll let the screen speak for itself.

The GlobalTron fades to black, and slinky jazz starts to play. Pink text fades in "The Time Traveler's White {blur}" followed by, "A film by Travis P Roberts". Then it fades to black again.

Moss: I'll stop that now for the sake of decency. Because you don't want to know what happens next.

The GlobalTron shows Travis Roberts in his dressing room.

Roberts: A Donkey...and Midget Chris Austin...

Moss: But of course, I'm not the only person with a big match at the pay per view, so this evening I would we will be speaking with one of the participants in the Battleground cage match, tonight on HeadShots!

The HS video plays.

Moss: Now, my guest this evening will be the biggest man in the cage, and with his occasional lack of tact, he may end up as the biggest target as well. You might want to get comfortable, because this man loves to make an entrance. Target demographic, here comes DIRGE!


Dirge appears at the top of the ramp, and makes his way towards Moss, with a smile of self assured confidence spread across his face.

Moss: Now as a businessman, I'm sure you appreciate when people cut the BS, and talk straight. So this is going to be a hard-hitting interview, no punches pulled. So the first thing I, and the GIW universe, need to know: Who do you go to, that stitching is immaculate?

Dirge grins at the query, understanding full well that Moss isn't at all serious but answering him as if he is anyway.

Dirge: Well Moss...I have the finest tailor in Chicago and extensive foreign sources for what I wear. It's not easy to find good quality fancy clothing when one is my size.

Moss: Let's go from wearing suits to wearing belts. Of course, your tag title reign was cut short by Brandon Brown and Alex Catchatori. Will you be seeking to regain those belts someday soon?

A dangerous and amused smirk curls up in the corner of Dirge's mouth at the question.

Dirge: For now I'll just enjoy watching Brown and Kiseragi waste their time, effort and minimal skills against Team Drunk. The two were enemies once...it's not unlikely that they will implode eventually. When the moment is right The Covenant will do what is in its best interests.

Moss: You're in the BattleGround match, which carries with it a promise of matchmaking power. If you walk out of that cage the winner, can we expect you to get that rematch?

Dirge: You'll have to wait and see Moss. A wise man never reveals his plans so easily.

Moss: You'll be in there with two other Covenant members. Are we going to see teamwork, or are you going in there with an every man, or woman in the case of Miss Fear, for themselves?

Dirge: We'll do what we have to do and as long as The Covenant wins in the end, the outcome will be acceptable. It won't be at all enjoyable for those who are of no value to us...hopefully for them they all have good medical plans.

Moss: Speaking of the Covenant, to those of us out here, you guys can sometimes seem, oh what's the word I'm looking for, evil. But let's get the inside perspective, what is the Covenant REALLY all about?

Dirge: If you have to ask me that question...no manner of explanation will ever enlighten you.

Moss: One final question. What does your company actually do?

Dirge: It secures long term contracts for a number of goods, services, projects and needs and handles them all with the utmost discretion, professionalism and efficiency. Beyond that...suffice to say, it would take far too long to explain...even if I felt inclined to do so.

*FLICK… POP…*

Chevelle’s Wonder What’s Next grinds into the airwaves as the fans erupt for the Red Bull Icon. BoolZ lets the crowd roar while Moss and Dirge turn their attention to the entrance ramp. Eventually BoolZ walks out as the fans give what little bit they still have in reserve. RBI finishes his cigarette basking in the reception and avoiding a few of the panties being thrown to the stage. He snuffs out the cancer stick with his boot, cracks open a Red Bull, and brings a microphone to his lips.

Hanson: Damnit. Finally got some decent wardrobe advice, and now this FoolZ going to ruin a perfectly respectable segment.

Vinegar: I think these fans would disagree, Dan.

Hanson: I don’t give two flying fu…

BoolZ: Really? Is that it? Dirge do you have any idea how bad this has to be going to get me, ME, of all people to come out here and get on the mic? Seriously for two weeks we’ve heard you insult, berate, and pander to the fans that fill the GIW Arena every week. For two weeks we watched you play some stupid attempt at charades, dodge garbage, and whine about how you lost Raenius’ tag team titles. For two weeks we listened to you running down the tag champs and the GIW Tag Team Champions. For two weeks you came out here and spewed your crap all over everything all by yourself. So tonight finally someone decides they’d actually like to hear what you have to say, they bring you out here, and you say nothing!?!

You talk about clothes, and business ventures, and refuse to answer questions with your messed up ‘you’ll never understand’ crap. Then it’s over? C’mon Dirge I thought you were a smart one. Here you are given a perfect opportunity. Don’t you want to pick the mind of the Auteur? Don’t you wanna hear the advice he could give you?

Dirge looks at Boolz with a grin of great amusement.

Dirge: Who's crying now ? As far as I can tell at the moment all I can hear is wasted air being pushed out from between your teeth because you feel like you might have something valuable to say. You'd be wrong about that, as you are about most things from what I've seen...but that doesn't stop you from running your piss flaps anyway. As far as whatever "advice" Moss might have for me, or how much I wish to say or not say to him...suffice to say when I want to have an in depth conversation with Edwards I'll do it in my own way...not at the whiny behest of the Red Bull Retard himself.

BoolZ paces back and forth trying to find the appropriate response. He lights another cigarette, juggles and maneuvers the Red Bull, mic, and coffin nail so he can respond.

BoolZ: Yeah maybe you’re right. I mean you do already seem pretty comfortable letting your partners or employees do everything for you. Just like Edwards.

This time Dirge answers with a loud laugh and an extremely sarcastic golf clap, although this time he only uses his fingers. After a few seconds he stops "clapping" and rubs his thumb and pointer fingers together repeatedly while looking at Boolz with a mockingly sad expression.

Dirge: Do you know what that is Boolz ?

BoolZ again clearly struggles with his hands full. He looks around briefly before strolling down the aisle a few feet. Though he’s not speaking into the mic it still catches his words as he’s shown helping a petite young lady with clearly dyed blue black hair over the guard rail.

BoolZ: Honey you wanna help me out over here.

The young lady, nineteen if she’s a day, beams as RBI hands her the mic to hold. He takes a pull from his Red Bull and a drag from his cigarette before responding.

BoolZ: I bet I could guess Covenants Constipation. I absolutely kill at charades. I’m thinking that’s the expression every whore’s ever given while giving a hand job to Hanson.

Hanson: HEY!

Vinegar: Probably right.

BoolZ: No? Alright. Ah well then would it be the very last shred of decency you have lef… I don’t think he had any decency to begin with.

Young Lady: Probably not.

BoolZ: OH OH is it the chance a snowball’s got in hell? Or the tie that bonds you and yours together in that loose knit dysfunctional family of yours. Maybe it’s the world’s smallest violin. Or a flea you found one day in your office probably left behind by one of your ‘stand up’ cohorts. You know what. Maybe I’m not that good at this game. I have no idea what that is, but I know what it aint! Intimidating.

Again Dirge just laughs at Boolz, obviously not even slightly put off by the rant.

Dirge: Actually Boolz, it is the world's smallest violin. Bravo for getting that obvious joke, genius. It fits though. Let's face it, other than taking that child from the crowd and leading her on to give you the answers that you want due to pure fawning stupidity on her part, I used that visual for a couple of reasons. The first is simply as a visual aid to display that while you have accomplished even less than that violin can play in your career you still seem to think that we should have to listen to this poorly written symphony of verbal spillings because you somehow matter more than a dust mite in the greater scheme of things. Unfortunately for you, that just isn't true.

The fans boo angrily at his insults to one of their heroes. The girl his pulled from the stands seems the most angered and yells a few things into the ring at Dirge, who proceeds to mock her as well.

Dirge: Listen kid, go back to the seats where you belong. You have plenty of time in your life to be lead astray by cigarette smoking, energy drink chugging, aimlessly drifting loser like Boolz here. In fact, I bet someone a lot like him will impregnate you by the time you're twenty with another useless mewing cabbage that should be euthanized.

He pauses for a moment to soak in the angry boos before continuing, looking the girl right in the face.

Dirge: For your information kid, I never had any decency to lose in the first place. Now get lost and go back to laying face down in someone's lap somewhere and stop wasting my time.

Dirge turns from the girl and back to Boolz, who is calmly taking a drink from his Red Bull Can.

Dirge: Now, in regard to being "intimidated"...I wouldn't bother wasting the effort with you, simply because you lack the prerequisite intelligence that you would need to possess in order to be smart enough to realize that you should be intimidated by me. Do us both a favor Boolz, instead of coming out here and wasting my valuable time with your idiotic and pointless one man chick flick moment, return to the backstage area and do something useful...

His mouth curls up into an obnoxious grin.

Dirge: Like clean toilets.

He pauses for a moment for effect.

Dirge: With your tongue.

He pauses again, just long enough for his infuriating grin to widen a bit.

Dirge: At least that way when you tried to talk more of your meaningless verbal excrement there would be an excusable reason why your breath smells like a Manhattan subway station in the middle of July.

Dirge: Right now you have no excuse. You're just completely full of it. In the future...don't EVER interrupt me again. You don't deserve to share air time with one as great as myself. In any respectable Promotion you'd be a second string talent and glass ceiling poster boy. Here you're considered the "cream" because the milk already spoiled.

BoolZ seemingly isn’t sure if Dirge is pausing for effect or not, but he’s clearly having a small side bar with the young lady. They shrug their shoulders, nod in agreement, and then shake their heads.

BoolZ: Yeah, I talked it over with Steph here and we don’t know what you’re talking about. All this rambling about string cheese on trey ceilings making cream of spoiled milk from Manhattan is just confusing. I thought you were the muscle of the Covenant, not the dairy farmer. I tell you what though. What isn’t confusing is the notion that you think I should, should be intimidated by you.

Steph pulls the microphone down before saying something to BoolZ.

BoolZ: Oh, yeah she’s right. That parts kinda confusing too. I mean why? Because you’re big? Hell DJS was big. Deathman was big. Komo was a huge fat ass. But the thing they really have in common though is that they’re all gone. But me, well I’m just flat out good. And I’m still here. And I’ll be here when you’re gone. I might even end up being the reason.

But maybe it’s not your height I should, should, be intimidated by. Well it aint you’re clothes because if Moss envies them then you look like a jackass who’s trying too hard.

The immensity of the crowd reaction maintains though Moss on camera perks up, shakes his head, and reaches into his pocket.

BoolZ: It can’t be you’re running mates, because, well… well I’m not Ezekiel Pax. I know it’s not your money because ‘A’ we don’t know how much you have and ‘B’ we don’t know how you got it. But you probably got it the same way seemingly every man who wrestles when they don’t need the money got it. When you figure that out then you let me kno…

*One More Time and You’ll Be Dead… At Least I Think That’s What They Said…*

BoolZ is seen reaching into his own pocket now this time handing his lit cigarette to Steph to free his hand and answer his phone.

BoolZ: Hold on. Hell…

From the phone: MMMOOOOOO!!!

BoolZ looks past Dirge at Moss Edwards who’s smiling wildly and smirks himself.

BoolZ: You know what. Listen. Bottom line is I don’t think I like you. I can tell you don’t like me. That’s fine. Hell I’ve even carried that one, Roberts, and AKis to wins in tag matches. Not liking or being liked by my partner’s nothing new. But you’re first one I didn’t know about. You’re the first one that I don’t know where you stand. So in order to cut the crap and hopefully spare these people any more of your ‘look at me and marvel at the power of my words’ speeches just answer me one question. Do you at least have the sack to stab me in the belly eye to eye, or are you gonna wait for my back to turn?

Dirge looks at Boolz with an expression of unfathomable boredom.

Dirge: When I deem you worth the effort kid, you'll find out. Until then...get lost.

The camera cuts back to BoolZ who is already exiting the curtain. Either not waiting for an answer or simply giving Dirge a glimpse of what his back look like. With his hand on Stephs rear he guides her back through the curtains as the images cut back to Dirge. The same bored expression and mocking twirl of the finger towards Moss suggests how the Momentum Killer feels about tonight’s Head Shots.

Vinegar: Well, we've definitely heard some strong words tonight from The Covenants Colossus.

Hanson: You know that one time, when he crippled that jobber in Chicago? Man, that would have been awesome if he had laid a beating down on baldy or FoolZy there. It would serve him right for trying to embarrass our Unified Champion, and I’d just like to picture FoolZ gut shot and bleeding out

Vinegar: I guess it will be up to Travis Roberts to get his own revenge later on tonight, and by the sounds of it you still might get a blood bath from Dirge and BoolZ yet. Folks they’re tag team partners tonight!

Hanson: Hey, think Dirge could loan me like a hundred bucks?

Vinegar: Yes. You should ask him before he gets all the way up the ramp.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Hanson: Well this is going to suck.

Vinegar: Why? This is the first of two tag team matches involving The Covenant.

Hanson: Yeah…

Vinegar: And it’s going to involve two very attractive women in Jezebel Saint and Chassie Fear.

Hanson: Yeah but that’s why it’s going to suck.

Vinegar: You don’t like catfights?

Hanson: I love catfights. I hate seeing two sweaty dudes pounding women… athletically. Unless we’re all coming here for this match to be an epic fourway… well then…

Vinegar: You’re really demented you know that? Mitchell Dennis for the introductions!

[The arena drops to complete darkness for a few seconds as the crowd prepares themselves for Mickey Dragon's entrance. After a couple of seconds, flash bulbs start going off in the crowd, as if they're about to watch the second coming of some demonic Jesus Christ. An organ begins to play quite a very mellow dirge over the loudspeakers and a white light slowly dims its way over the stage.]

Vinegar: And speaking of demented, Dan, this guy has got more than a screw loose.

Hanson: I think he’s actually only got one screw tight.

[After twenty seconds of this organ, Avenged Sevenfold's bassist breaks the solemnity of this moment with a power riff that blasts the entire entranceway white for a split second. The bass now matches the organ note-for-note before being joined by a lead guitar slicing itself through the dirge. It is then that we see Mickey Dragon.]

Mitchell Dennis: This next match is a tag match. Two guys… two girls. Hanson’s favorite kind of porn. Making his way to the ring, representing The Covenant, weighing in at 220 pounds, from Las Vegas, Nevada… MICKEEEEEEEY DRAAAAAAAAAGON!

[He has risen from under the stage and now stands on the center of the stage, head down, dripping wet and running down his face. This bright white light continues to flicker every couple of notes as the crowd is sending their audible hate toward a man who has committed so much evil in his existance while Dragon remains steadfast in his motionless position.

The guitar and bass suddenly break into a heavy metal solo, destroying all substance to the solemnity and becoming more of a destructive, ear-piercing suicide of music. The white is no longer randomly flashing, but keeping the beat with the song on the stage as Dragon's head begins to bang on the stage, water flying from his bald head like a mud puddle being blown apart by a speeding tractor-trailer.

M. Shadows, lead singer of Avenged Sevenfold greets the crowd with his opening lyrics as Mickey Dragon struts slowly down the ramp way.]

Vinegar: Dragon looks intense as always Dan. I think after last week, he’s gotten his revenge and this is, what they call “go time” for the war between he and Jezebel Saint.

Hanson: “Go time” for war between them, huh? I just hope he wears a rubber.

Vinegar: Dragon’s in the ring… back to Mitchell!

[The lights cut to black and red and white strobe lights alternate in beat with the rapid music as “Cyanide Sweet Tooth Suicide” Starts to play. Chassie walks swiftly onto the stage, looking at the people for a moment, then as the lyrics hit she descends the ramp, breaking into a run about halfway down. When she reaches the ring she jumps, grabbing the top rope and springing herself up, flipping in the air and landing on her feet. She runs to a random turnbuckle and plants her feet on the corners of the middle turnbuckle, throwing up the horns and head banging briefly. Then she calmly jumps down and begins to stretch, waiting for her opponent with bloodlust in her eyes.]

Mitchell: And his partner, also representing The Covenant… weighing in at 120 pounds… CHASIEEEEEEEEEEE FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAR!

Vinegar: Ya know, Mitchell’s actually doing pretty normal introductions. Not like his normal self where he just wings it. Think it has anything to do with you trying to cut his job out last week?

Hanson: I can neither confirm nor deny the accusations that you are making.

Vinegar: Right. Here comes Salem!

[The lights through out the arena slowly fade to black and the atmosphere of the stands becomes ghastly eerie as the dim lights of a few lighters are held up from the fans who get to their feet. The lights surrounding the entrance course to a solid darkness before an abyss of hazed green shadows the arena. The sounds of whispering usher in a flood of voices and different tones then the cryptic words of "Fall Back To Zero…Come Back To Life…You Can‘t Hold Me Down, You Can‘t Hold Me Down" are heard breaking the hush as the entrance way is covered in a thick blanket of fog that rolls out over the stage as well as down the entrance way till barely anything of the ramp can be seen, save a thick green blanket of mist. The video screen lightly lit with a dim burnt film "grind house" style shows scenes of moss covered trees over hanging aged cemeteries and cypress laid swamp waters, but in the midst of every scene in the middle the camera focuses on a large, tall backed wooden throne, a massive antlered elk skull crowning the back of the chair, a raven fluttering it‘s wings seated atop one of the chairs arms. The arena is deafened with an explosion of sound as Crowbar’s "Fall Back To Zero" rips through the scene like a chainsaw to the ear drums, some who know him bobbing their heads to the music others throwing up hex symbols made with their hands as the lights around the entrance begin to pulsate and flicker in a strobe like fashion. The video appears depicting fire burning through the film and onto others all withering in flame, tarot cards falling down over the scenes and turning to ash as fall into puddles of water and the screen moves into a mix of scenes of Salem in the ring and back to flocking crows adorning the throne now bestowed with images of a man seated in it, scenes of riots, zombie movies, and visions of horror and chaos The fans stand in one and become a sea of moving chants and jeers as through the fog slowly creeps the haunting “Witch King” Salem, a series of tall emerald fires erupt in the mist behind him, burning brightly. Wearing a black and red knee length frock style coat, his head and shoulders covered by a black and white pirate flag draped over his head as a hood. He stops at the top of the ramp and watches the arena through the eyes of madness hidden behind a gray leather mask, the fires erupt once more as he begins to walk to the ring. Looking to him the fans burst into fits of cheers and boos. Salem walks to the steps and makes his way into the ring, climbing through the ropes slowly, stalking his way to the corner. The lights return to normal as he nonchalantly pulls the pirate flag from his head and disrobes his frock style coat, awaiting his partner.]

Mitchell: And their opponents, first from Slaughter Swamp, South Carolina… which is rather a bit of a tongue twister… weighing in at 313 pounds and making his GIW in-ring debut here tonight… this.. is… SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALEM!

Vinegar: That’s right, Salem is making his in-ring debut here tonight.

Hanson: Why wouldn’t you come to the ring with your “fuck buddy” as Jezebel put it last week.

Vinegar: Perhaps the “fuck buddy” forgot to write the entrance.

Hanson: Ya think?

Vinegar: That’s probably why we’re only three entrances into this damn match and we’re already pushing about five pages of text!

Hanson: Wow, that’s some shit.

Vinegar: Maybe next time, Jezebel won’t get herself an ear infucktion and have to go to the dicktor for antibiotics and will be able to consolidate some of these entrances!

Hanson: I’ll be her dicktor.

[The arena falls to total black as the first riffs of Dope's "Addiction" echo throughout. On the screen there appears to be a long tunnel with a shadowed though obviously female figure walking forward, the light at her back.

Suddenly, the building tension is shattered as the full force of the song hits and white and purple lights begin to flash as Jezebel Saint bounces out, arms extended over her head, fingers fixed in the rock symbol. Head down, her long red hair flies around her head as she headbangs to the song, gearing up for her upcoming match.

She continues on her way to the ring, a smile etched on her face, the screams of the crowd pumping her blood just as much as the music. She gives high-fives to those of the crowd who have their hands out. She vaults herself into the ring using the top rope, then reaches behind her back, lifting up her top a little to reveal a large, black leather and silver flask wedged into the small of her back by her lowslung jeans.

She pulls it out and the crowd erupts into wild cheers and screams as she pops it open and downs quite a bit of the contents before pouring the rest over her head, the alcohol running down her face, her arms, and into her top. The men in the audience go nuts for an entirely different reason as she climbs to a turnbuckle and tosses her head, her hair slinging beer on the fans nearest her. As the song begins to fade, she tosses the flask out to whoever is standing nearest and readies herself for her opponent.]

Mitchell: And Salem’s tag team partner, representing the group now calling themselves Sleaze and Brewtality… from Black Cypress, Louisiana, she weighs in at…. quote… none of my goddamn business… endquote… she is JEZEBEL SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINT!

Hanson: Finally a female who isn’t going to disclose her weight to the ring announcer. After all, who gives a damn what Jezebel weighs… she’s smoking hot!

Vinegar: Looks like Mickey Dragon is going to start for The Covenant…

Hanson: Aw, c’mon… I want some girl on girl action here!

Vinegar: Something tells me you’ll get what you’re asking for Dan.

Hanson: …athletically.

Vinegar: And Salem’s going to start for the Sleazy pair.

Hanson: This is too much of a sausage fest. I’m not watching.

Vinegar: The men circle each other, center of the ring as referee Hazel East calls for the bell to begin the match.

Hanson: So with Jezebel, Chassie and Hazel East, we could get ourselves a nasty female 3-way going on.

Vinegar: You need to stop before one of them hears you and slaps the gums out of your face.

[Dragon and Salem appear to look to lock up, but Dragon ducks and quickly is punching Salem in the chest, abdomen and, eventually, in the head.]

Vinegar: The only way Dragon and Chassie are going to escape this match with a victory is to neutralize Salem’s size and strength advantage.

Hanson: Or get DQ’d for disrobing Jezebel.

Vinegar: But they’d lose.

Hanson: But Daddy Danny would WIN!

[Salem shoves Dragon off who splats to the mat and does a back somersault coming back to his feet. He charges forward again, throwing lefts and rights to Salem in an attempt to take him down quickly.]

Vinegar: I don’t think trading blows with a monster like Salem is going to get him very far.

Hanson: You said trading blows… they’re gay.

Vinegar: You’re gay.

Hanson: Not according to yo momma!

[Again, Salem shoves Dragon back and Dragon rolls back onto his feet. When he charges the second time, Salem meets him with a right hand to the jaw that floors Mickey.]

Vinegar: Sweet Zombie Jesus did you see that right hand?

Hanson: Yeah, that was a helluva donkey punch.

[Dragon quick to get up but walks into a sidewalk slam by Salem. Salem quickly stands and drops a hard elbow across the chest of Dragon.]

Vinegar: Well, here comes the power of Salem establishing dominance early in this match.

Hanson: He’s establishing dominance? That’s HARD gay.

[After dropping a second elbow, Salem grabs Dragon around the throat and drags him slowly over to the corner. He picks Dragon up and chops him hard across the chest, echoing throughout the GIW arena.]

Vinegar: WOOOOO!

Hanson: Flair was kinda gay too.

[Salem pushes Dragon’s head back again and slams his hand across the chest of Mickey Dragon a second time. Dragon clutches his chest attempting to get air to pass into his possibly collapsed lungs. He falls into a heap in the corner as Salem puts his boot across Dragon’s throat, effectively choking him.]

Vinegar: That’s right, choke that psychotic bastard before he really hurts someone!

Hanson: Hazel’s getting between them… this could get hot.

[Salem backs off at the referee’s discretion and then turns and bitch slaps Chassie Fear across the face. Chassie tries to jump into the ring, but the referee is quick to hold her back.]

Vinegar: Uh oh… typical face/heel spot here, but it’s done backwards. Now the crowd is going crazy for the Sleazy duo is double-teaming Mickey Dragon!

[Jez has climbed into the ring and is now choking Dragon with her hands while Salem stomps away at Dragon’s midsection. The crowd is loving it. Salem checks behind him as Chassie is just getting out of the ring and onto the apron again. Jez slides outside and begins tying her shoe.]

Hanson: Beautiful AND brilliant! Jezebel Saint has it all!

Vinegar: And Mickey Dragon is getting all he can handle at this point.

[Salem has Dragon by his head in the center of the ring. He scoops him up into a fireman’s carry with ease. He goes for the rolling fireman’s carry slam, but Dragon is somehow able to use Salem’s own momentum against him and catch him in a crucifix!]

Vinegar: What a reversal!

1….



2……


[kickout]

Hanson: C’mon get the girls in here and lets see them mix it up already! I’m tired of this sausage slugfest!

Vinegar: You’re whining… a sure sign of faggotry.

Hanson: So is wearing that shirt… and those shoes… and styling your hair like that… so, what’s your excuse?

[Salem bounds out of the pinning predicament and shoots a tag to Jezebel Saint. Mickey Dragon is reaching for a tag to Chassie as she points toward the corner where Jezebel now stands. Dragon looks over his shoulder and gets a sadistic smile on his face.]

Vinegar: Uh oh… wrong time to tag in.

Hanson: Don’t you touch her you heathen!

Vinegar: I think he’s going to do more than touch her!

Hanson: Lucky bastard. Some psychos get all the chicks.

Vinegar: Like who?

Hanson: Dahmer

Vinegar: He got boys, stupid.

[Dragon turns and doesn’t make the tag but stares Jezebel Saint down like a cheetah would stare down a gazelle. Jezebel taunts Dragon a couple of times by blowing a kiss over to him and waving at him.]

Hanson: Oh this is such a great fantasy

Vinegar: What are you –

[SLAP!]

Vinegar: Chassie just made a blind tag to Dragon and is charging in!

Hanson: CATFIGHT!

[Chassie spears Jezebel down and begins pounding on her with right hands. Jez slips out from under Chassie and the two trade blows mid-ring.]

Vinegar: Right hands being exchanged by the females! Neither one giving an inch!

Hanson: You just said..

Vinegar: OH! Jez lands a hard right hand that spins Chassie around.

[Chassie wastes no time in taking this opportunity to backflip and kick Jezebel right between the eyes.]

Vinegar: PELE KICK out of nowhere! Jezebel Saint is down and looks to be out! Pin!

1……



2…..


NO!

[Chassie quickly picks up the pace of the match, whipping Jez into the corner and charging in with a knee to the face. Jezebel slumps out of the corner and falls to the mat.]

Hanson: These girls are vicious! I love it!

Vinegar: Please don’t cream yourself right here.

Hanson: Nope, just putting this all in the spank bank.

Vinegar: That’s disgusting. Chassie may think this is it! She’s standing at the top rope!

[Salem begins shaking the ropes in an attempt to throw Chassie off balance.]

Vinegar: LOOK OUT!

Hanson: FEARLESS!

[Chassie leaps off into the air twisting and flipping but at the last possible second, Jezebel Saint gets her knees up.]

Vinegar: OH! That could be it!

Hanson: Both girls are down, breathing heavy, in need of mouth to mouth resuscitation! I think Big Daddy Danny Hanson’s going to need to make the heroic save!

Vinegar: You’re going to sit right there! Chassie’s crawling toward her corner and Jezebel appears to just be stirring now. She’s still shaking the cobwebs out from that perfectly placed Pele kick!

Hanson: Whoever makes this tag is going to have a real chance of winning this match.

Vinegar: …really? That’s the commentary you give me? The most obvious bullshit in the history of obvious bullshit? You sound like Paul Heyman on Raw.

[Chassie reaches her outstretched hand for the tag and makes it just as Jezebel rolls to her stomach and starts crawling.]

Vinegar: And now, as they say, we have a problem. Mickey Dragon is stalking over Jezebel Saint and it looks as if he’s prepared to kill her!

[Jez shakes the cobwebs loose just in time to see Dragon step on her right hand just a foot away from Salem’s outstretched arm. Jezebel screams in pain as her digits crunch under Dragon’s foot and she begins punching away at his boot in an attempt to free herself.]

Vinegar: Get off of her you big bully!

Hanson: Yeah… let Big Daddy Danny show you how it’s done!

[Dragon raises his right hand and balls up a fist as Jez is tugging hard on her right hand in attempts to free herself.]

Vinegar: Jezebel needs to move soon, or else she’s going to become his pounding dummy.

Hanson: I’d like to –

Vinegar: We know… we know.

[Dragon slams his fist down into her temple and glares over at Salem who is rabid to get into the ring. Jezebel reels, her hand still trapped under Dragon’s boot. He raises his hand again and cracks her again in the temple all the while staring a hole through Salem.]

Vinegar: Mickey Dragon is performing a sacrifice and making Salem watch the whole time!

Hanson: Uhm, Nick…

[Raenius and Dirge have made their way onto the staging area.]

Vinegar: Oh this looks bad. This looks really bad.



Vinegar: Referee Hazel East can do nothing but watch as Dragon toys with a semi-conscious Jezebel Saint! Please, for the love of God, Dan, don’t say anything sexual about toys and Jezebel.

Hanson: Actually no. I’m now concerned she may never be the same. Look what he’s doing!

[Dragon has set Jezebel Saint up for the curb stomp right in front of Salem who is reaching for Dragon and can only get his fingertips on him.]

Vinegar: You’ve made your point Dragon! Leave her alone now! Pin her and leave!

Hanson: No, this isn’t about making a point anymore Nick.

[Dragon drives her face into the mat with the heel of his boot. Salem is practically ripping his hair out. Fans have started throwing garbage into the ring]

Vinegar: This is distasteful! This is how he crippled Osiris and it looks like he’s looking to do the same tonight to Jezebel Saint!

Hanson: He’s gonna do it again.

[Dragon pulls her unconscious frame away from the mat and it appears as if she’s bit her tongue. Her mouth is bleeding. He stares right at Salem and mockingly rubs tears away from his eyes.]

Vinegar: I know Jezebel and Salem tormented Mickey for a few weeks, but I thought he was done with that after last week’s encounter! After all, he broke KvK’s arm!

[Dragon slams Jezebel’s face into the mat a second time.]

Hanson: Good God, Nick. She may be dead.

Vinegar: You’re right Dan.

[Dragon scoops Jezebel Saint’s prone body up off the canvas and continues to look over to Salem.]

Vinegar: Ego Death is academic at this point…

Hanson: What are Raenius and Dirge doing?

Vinegar: They’re making their way down to the ring! And Dragon just hit the EGO DEATH!

1….
2…….
3.


[Raenius and Dirge dive under the bottom rope as Salem storms the ring in an attempt to get Jezebel Saint out of the ring before more damage can be done, but it’s in vein. Dirge and Raenius hit a side-by-side Full Frontal on him and hold him down in the corner. Chassie is now in the ring as well, holding Jezebel down.]

Vinegar: Mickey Dragon is directing traffic in there and this is going to get really ugly in a minute. Chassie is holding Jezebel up!

Hanson: This could turn into a gang bang after all!

Vinegar: Dragon is drilling Jezebel in the side of the head with right hands repeatedly!

[Dirge and Raenius hold Salem hostage in the corner as he is forced to watch all this happen.]

Vinegar: HERE COMES THE CALVARY!

[Charging from the back wielding his claw hammer is KvK and in tow is the rookie, Nathan Korpi. They storm the ring and begin exchanging hands with Mickey Dragon and Chassie Fear.]

Vinegar: Now we’ve got ourselves a fair fight!

Hanson: What about Jez? It’s still four on three in there!

Vinegar: Jez somehow rolled herself to the outside and is coming to!

[Korpi and Chassie are fighting in one corner as Dragon is being worked over by KvK after a shot to the stomach from the claw hammer. Dirge now leaves Raenius to kick Salem’s head in as he storms over to KvK and disarms him of the claw hammer.]

Vinegar: Ya know, it’d be just like the Covenant to beat on a one-armed man two on one.

Hanson: These are the same people that have burned three separate people.

Vinegar: And ended careers! These four are not to be fucked with!

[Salem’s now up to his feet throwing hands with Raenius as KvK is getting decimated in the corner by Dirge and Dragon. Korpi, satisfied with the pounding he’s put on Chassie storms over and peels Dirge off of KvK. Those two begin exchanging blows as Old Man Hermit goes crazy ringing the bell.]

Vinegar: The match is over for crying out loud and we’ve got a damn warzone out here!

[Old Man Hermit rings the bell a few more times, finally deciding his bell ringing is never going to stop this war. He nonchalantly tosses the bell hammer into the air with such indifference that he doesn’t realize where it’s going.]

Vinegar: HEADS UP DAN!

Hanson: Wha—

[CRACK… out goes Hanson.]

Vinegar: Jesus no one’s safe!

[Salem and Raenius are center ring, Dragon and KvK are in one corner, Korpi and Dirge are in another and Chassie is getting back to her feet and going outside to get Jezebel. Jez is now back on her feet!]

Vinegar: FIREBALL!

[Jezebel torches the air around her with a lighter and a plume of 151 Rum from under the ring. She scares Chassie off before diving in the ring and creating a second fireball.]

Vinegar: Last time we saw something like that, Ezekiel Pax was being burned about the face and chest! She better be careful playing with fire!

[With the fireball, The Covenant feel it’s time to take their leave. Raenius, Dirge and Dragon retreat from the ring as Jezebel collapses into Salem’s arms. The eight men and women exchange unpleasantries, screaming at each other as KvK holds open the ring ropes, inviting anyone to return for a second round. Dragon, the one closest to the ring, sadistically laughs and points at Salem who is seething, nearly shaking, but holding his woman.

Commercial.]

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Vinegar: Looks like we’re going backstage now!

Hanson: Why?

Vinegar: Because there’s some sort of commotion going on. Something with the fallout from that insane brawl between The Covenant and the group now calling themselves Sleaze and Brewtality.

Hanson: What a great name. Sleaze and Brewtality.

Vinegar: If you say so. Your favorite group are backstage in their locker room.

Backstage in the Sleaze and Brewtality locker room, the tension hangs thick between the group gathered. KvK and Korpi lean against a set of lockers, the faces serious, their eyes following a pacing Salem and then darting to Jezebel who lying on a bench staring at the ceiling. Klaus looks to Korpi meaningfully, telling him with his eyes to say something and break the silence that surrounds them. Nathan tries to pretend he doesn’t get the meaning of the stare but finally gives in.

Nate: So… some match.

Klaus rolls his eyes and throws his good arm up in the air.

KvK: Oh for fuck’s sake, rookie, is that the best you can do?

Nathan simply glares at Klaus in response, but his statement and KvK’s outburst seem to have done the trick. Salem stops pacing and stares at Jezebel, completely ignoring the two men.

Salem: Are you happy now? You were warned, Jez, but you just had to keep pushing and pushing! I have known Dragon for a long time and he is not someone you want to keep pressing buttons with. Do you think that was the end of it? It’s not. He has something planned, cooked up in that psychotic mind of his. And for what? A fucking joke!

Salem stands before Jezebel yelling at her, the worry and frustration evident on his face. Jezebel looks back at him, her eyes narrowing. Sensing this isn’t going to go well for the group, Klaus interrupts and draws their attention to him by clearing his throat.

KvK: That's right, man...a joke! We do this kinda shit to each other all the time. Been doing it for years, actually. Now all of a sudden he's off the deep end with his so-called doctor, trying to act out a horror movie or some shit.

Salem rounds on Klaus.

Salem: Of course he did! It’s what he fucking does! You should know this, Klaus!

KvK stares at Salem for a long moment before nodding his head in agreement. Salem turns back to Jezebel.

Salem: Okay, they want to play this game, fine. But starting now, you are not to be alone. You have to have at least one of us with you at all times.

This statement is enough to finally breaks the silent Saint out of her thoughts.

Jezebel: I’m not a fucking child to be babysat, Salem. I can take care of myself!

Salem: Yeah it looked like you were doing a damn fine job of it in the ring tonight!

Jezebel jumps off the bench and takes a few strides to stand directly in front of Salem, her fists clenched.

Jezebel: It was four on two for a little while there, or didn’t you notice? I can’t help it if that piece of shit can’t take a fucking joke. I can’t help it if his mommy didn’t love him when he was a kid, I’m only sorry she didn’t kill the fucker when she had the chance.

Jezebel’s voice drops low at the end, her anger very apparent. She and Salem stand close together, seething at each other and their situation. Nathan breaks the silence.

Nate: It is a good idea, Jez. Keeping at least one of us with you. No one’s saying we don’t think you’re capable of handling yourself, but Dragon fights dirty. You saw what happened tonight, hell you were there. Two heads or more are better than one.

Jezebel and Salem stare at each other a few moments longer before Jezebel breaks the eye contact to look at Korpi. Her shoulders sag a bit as she admits defeat.

Jezebel: Okay fine. I still say this was it. The end of it. Dragon had his fun and Raenius saw through on his threat. It’s over. But if it will make you guys feel better I’ll go with your plan. You can babysit.

The sarcasm lies think in her voice as she says the words, almost like taking a bitter pill. Salem nods.

Salem: Bout damn time you listen to reason. Now, I’m going to see Raenius and make sure this shit is over. You two heroes stay with her.

KvK and Korpi both nod their assent as Jezebel rolls her eyes and moves over to the bench to resume her pose. Salem looks at her one final time and she rolls her eyes at him, waving her hand in a signal for him to hurry up and get the fuck out. Releasing his breath in a huff of anger, he stalks out of the locker room, slamming the door behind him and making his way down the hall to Raenius’ as the camera rgoes abck to the arena.

Vinegar: between those guys, and Savana and Prescott, I would hate to calculate the average amount of alcoholic units consumed each day in GIW...What is that?

Hanson: Never you mind!

Vinegar: Is that what I think it is?

Hanson: No. How in the hell? This doesn’t look anything like a bottle of that pig slop you consider barbeque sauce.

Vinegar: It kind of does actually.

Hanson: Just hurry up and hand it over to Mitchell for introductions eh?

Vinegar: Not until you tell me what…

Dennis: Yeah, screw that. Ladies and gentlemen the following contest is for the GIW dot com championship! Introducing first, weighting in at 235 pounds, standing five foot nine inches, he your challenger, this is ‘The Fierce Warrior’ Roberto Montana!

The arena gets loud and the lights darken, the amazing rendition of Simple Man by Kanye West begins to play as soon as the first note hits Robert appears, Montana begins to walk down the ramp.

Making his way to the ring when he finally gets there he jumps in the ring and immediately after he jumps on the turnbuckle and begins to beat his chest he does the same for every other turnbuckle until the music finally stops and the lights brighten.

Vinegar: So you’re not going to tell me?

Hanson: Nope. Big chance for Robert here.

Vinegar: Incredible opportunity for this young man. The dot com title has already catapulted Moss Edwards to a position of prominence in the GIW, and it’s doing the same for William Everknight. You’d have to believe that a win here by Montana would certainly make an impression with Mrs. Levene.

Hanson: huh?

Vinegar: Alright what the hell do you have hidden over there!?!

Hanson: Give me a dollar and I’ll tell you.

Vinegar: Give me a dollar and I won’t show Mrs. Levene that tape of you from last year’s Christmas party.

Hanson: Eh, she’s gonna find out sooner or later.

Dennis: And his opponent. He is the current GIW dot com Champion! Standing five foot eleven inches, weighting in at 225 pounds, this is ‘The Fighting Spirit’ William Everknight!

1, 2, 3 – Go!

‘Step Up’ by Drowning Pool hits the speakers and wearing his normal wrestling gear and a white singlet, William Everknight steps onto the ramp and walks straight to the ring, stopping for no one. There's no pyro, he doesn't need it. Will enters over the middle rope before climbing a corner and ripping off his sweaty singlet, then throwing it into the audience where it's caught by an adoring blonde fan. Finally, Will pumps himself up before the match begins.

Vinegar: Is it a delicious plate of ribs?

Hanson: Don’t ever mention that lunatic’s name in association with anything I hold dear again or so help me…

Vinegar: No, with an ‘S’.

Hanson: Oh. No. Aren’t supposed to be calling the match?

Vinegar: There’s no match until the bell rings.

Hanson: And there’s the bell!

Vinegar: I still want to know what you have.

Hanson: Then ask YO MOMMA!

Vinegar: Fine. Everknight looking for a collar and elbow tie up, gets it, and moves right into a side headlock! Montana searching for an escape, pushes Will towards the ropes, Everknight ducks a clothesline on the rebound, puts on the brakes, and takes Montana to the mat with a drop toe hold. Everknights scrambles and locks in another headlock!

Hanson: See was that so hard?

Vinegar: Fine I called some match, now tell me.

Hanson: No.

Vinegar: At least a hint!

Hanson: It’s smaller than a bread box.

Vinegar: Montana pulls and rolls Everknight over. Pinning predicament, but Everknight wastes no time rolling back to safety. Montana tries again, and again Burke doesn’t get a one count. Third time, same result, but this time Roberto keeps the momentum going to get his feet under him, wiggles free from Everknights grasp, and hits a thunderous back suplex

Hanson: It’s bigger than a hamburger.

Vinegar: Montana first to his feet and catches Will with a booming round house kick. The Kid staggers to the ropes before being leveled with a shuffle side kick. Montana getting fired up, repeatedly beating on his chest, Fighting Spirit up, and down after that drop kick! The Kid pulling himself back up, Roberto from behind, he wraps his arms around Everknight’s neck, and now laying in those headbutts deep and hard!

Hanson: It’s clear.

Vinegar: I want more!

Hanson: NO, what why?

Vinegar: Come on I just said ‘deep and hard’. I deserve more.

Hanson: Fine it fits in my hand. Happy now?

Vinegar: You better tell me what it is when this is all over.

Hanson: You bet’ta keep YO MOMMA away from me when this is all over.

Vinegar: Fierce Warrior feeding off the boos from the crowd, he kicks Everknight square in the spine as he releases what I think he calls the ‘Breathing Hazard’, he arrogantly does a standing back flip, runs to the corner, he jumps up, beats his chest, moonsault type back flip, EVERKNIGHT rolls clear! The Kid to his feet, Montana landed on his feet, and Billy the Kid locks in that sleeper close and tight! This is how Everknight earned his spot in the BattleGround match against JK, we’ve seen how devastating that sleeper can be!

Hanson:…

Vinegar: Close and tight mother fucker where’s my clue?!?!

Hanson: This is really killing you isn’t it? Why do you gotta know everything I do?

Vinegar: I do not! I’m just curious.

Hanson: You’re jealous. And that’s your hint. What ever it is it has the power to mess with your head!

Vinegar: Close and Tight! I want another clue.

Hanson: Fine. It drives you crazy but gives me a strange sense of satisfaction.

Vinegar: You better tell me. Montana fighting off Everknights sleeper valiantly, but looks like he’s fading. Down to one knee, Will really laying it in standing directly over the Fierce Warrior, putting all that weight into the hold, and Burke checking for signs of life from Montana. Montana keeps his arm up, and now back to a vertical base. He shifts, he’s got Everknight up, and down with another thunderous side suplex to break hold! Where’s my clue?

Hanson: You’re never going to guess it. Just leave it alone.

Vinegar: Clue mother fucker!

Hanson: I value it more than I do your life but I’d throw both away just for one week without hearing about your damn cats.

Vinegar: Montana helping Everknight to his feet, kick to the gut, suplex, NO this could the END. Unceremoniously Montana dumps Everknight to his left, BUT THE KID LANDS ON HIS FEET! EVERKNIGHT ALPHA!!!

Burke: ONE!

Vinegar: Clue, clue, before it’s all over!

Burke: TWO!!

Hanson: God Damnit if you don’t fucking leave me alone about my, MY, treasure I swear to god I’ll stab you in the eye with a fucking number two pencil! Now don’t you ever mention what I got again or you’ll fucking regret it got that fat ass!?!

Burke: THREE!!!

Vinegar: But…

Hanson: NEVER! Hell of a match up and hard fought victory by the Kid. I personally think he’s to much of a good two shoes to not be hiding something, but the fans seem to like him, and he wins.

Vinegar: I just want to know.

Dennis: Ladies and gentlemen here is your winner and still GIW Dot Com Champion, ‘The Fighting Spirit’ William Everknight!

Hanson: That’s it you rotund son of a bitch where’s my fucking pencil! Don’t ever mention anything about this again!

Vinegar: FINE! Selfish prick.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Vinegar: And we’re back!

Hanson: We are and after that match of the year candidate last week, we could be watching another one any moment now!

Vinegar: Match of the year candidate?

Hanson: Oh you’re right, Nick. Nothing will ever come close to Brandon Brown and Andy Savana. I know it’s only August but we might as well announce it as match of the year right now.

Vinegar: In any case, Declan Prescott will be taking on Alex Kiseragi, and Prescott will be looking to even the score after Savana’s loss to Brown last week.

Hanson: And Brown was lucky to have Kiseragay in his corner, for it was Kiseragay’s interference that cost Savana the match!

Vinegar: And what about Declan Prescott’s interference?

Hanson: The Significant Player only interfered on behalf of Andy Savana AFTER The Rainbow Dragon got himself involved. Declan Prescott wasn’t going to stand there while Kisergay and Brown were ganging up on his partner!

Vinegar: That’s not how I remember it. Anyway, Mitchell Dennis – take it away!

Dennis: The following match is scheduled for one fall!

Crowd: MIT-CHELL DEN-NIS! MIT-CHELL DEN-NIS!

Dennis: Thank you!

The Air That I Breathe by All that Remains blasts through the arena as Declan Prescott appears on the entrance ramp. Kind of.

Dennis: Making his way to the ring, accompanied by his tag team partner, ANDY SAVANA! He represents the alcoholic community... DECLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN PRESCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTT!

Vinegar: Do you see what I see?

Hanson: What?

Vinegar: Andy Savana is carrying Declan Prescott to the ring! If Prescott can’t even walk, how is he going to wrestle a wrestling match?

Hanson: Who says he can’t walk? This probably part of their training regime.

Andy Savana stumbles down the ramp with Prescott thrown over his back.

Vinegar: Ouch! And Savana’s dropped Prescott on the cold concrete floor! That looked painful; is that part of their training regime?

Hanson: Of course.

Savana rolls Prescott into the ring and throws up before falling against the guardrail.

Teahouse by Juno Reactor signals the arrival of Alex Kiseragi who jumps onto the stage, Brandon Brown behind him.

Dennis: And his opponent, making his way to ring, accompanied by BRANDON BROWN, representing the gay community... ALEEEEEEEEEEEEX KISEEEEEERAAAAAAAAAGIIIIIIIIIII!

Brown raises an eyebrow as Kiseragi kicks the air, before walking calmly and confidently to the ring.

Vinegar: Alex Kiseragi sets a fine example, I don’t know why more of our GIW stars can’t be more like him.

Hanson: You want more homosexuals in GIW? Is there something you’re not telling me, Vinegar?

Kiseragi jumps over the top rope and glances at Savana as Brown looks on from the outside.

Savana: EEK!

Vinegar: And apparently Brown’s been researching his role as Kiseragi’s manager for tonight’s match. He’ll want to keep his eye on Andy Savana for a start.

DING DING DING!

Vinegar: This match is on but Prescott’s still out cold! Kiseragi’s looking at him blankly.

Hanson: He’s psyching him out, Nick, playing possum. Kiseragi will approach him and Prescott will roll him up for the win. Watch.

Vinegar: Kiseragi has approached Prescott but I don’t see a roll up. And a cover from Kiseragi!

1!


2!


2.9!!!

Vinegar: And this was nearly the shortest match in GIW history! Prescott barely getting a shoulder up.

Hanson: He knows what he’s doing.

Vinegar: Kiseragi looks surprised as he tries to lift a barely conscious Declan Prescott to his feet. Alex whips Declan across the ring but Declan collapses in a heap and Kiseragi can’t believe it. He’s shaking his head in astonishment.

Hanson: This all par-

Vinegar: Give me a break, Dan! The only person you’re convincing is yourself! Declan Prescott is a drunken disgrace. I know it, Kiseragi knows it and every other person in this arena (except for you) knows it!

Hanson: Hmph...

Vinegar: And why’s Declan Prescott dressed like a pirate?

Hanson: I don’t know.

Vinegar: And Kiseragi has Prescott in a dragon sleeper! It could be over right here! Prescott can’t submit but Owen Peterson can declare a KO! He lifts Prescott’s arm once and it drops.

Hanson: I don’t care.

Vinegar: He lifts it a second time and it falls.

Hanson: So what...

Vinegar: And a third time. It’s ov- no! Prescott keeps his arm up and Kiseragi breaks the hold.

Hanson: Awesome.

Vinegar: Oh no. Savana appears to be chatting up a female fan and she’s screaming for security. Savana leaning in for a kiss but she wants none of it! Forget security, here’s Brandon Brown! Brown grabs Savana and throws him into the ring post! And now Brandon Brown’s kissing the female fan as Kiseragi looks on in bemusement. Declan Prescott rolls him up!

1!


2!


2.9!

Vinegar: Kiseragi turned his back and Prescott caught him by surprise! A look of complete shock crosses Kiseragi’s face as he jumps up and away from Declan Prescott! Prescott finally regaining consciousness as he pulls himself up. SHINING WIZARD!

1!


2!

Vinegar: Prescott kicks out and it looks like Kiseragi is going to have to earn a victory here tonight. Daniel? You’re awfully quiet.

Hanson: Leave me alone!

Vinegar: Prescott’s up and throws a flurry of punches that back Kiseragi into the corner. Kiseragi hits a roundhouse and Prescott lands flat on his back! Here comes Kiseragi with a high kick – Declan ducks! And a low kick – Declan jumps! And a middle kick! Declan catches his foot. Enzuigiri! That was very coordinated by Declan Prescott! I don’t know how he managed that. Daniel?

Hanson: I’m not talking to you!

Vinegar: Uh... anyway! It looks like Brandon Brown is done kissing that fan and he’s cheering Alex Kiseragi on. Andy Savana on the other hand is drinking a beer and laughing to himself. Prescott’s up again but Kiseragi downs him quickly with a DDT. Prescott won’t stay down and Kiseragi nails him with a bulldog! Again, Prescott’s up and Kiseragi drops him a third time with a powerful lariat!

Hanson: Meh.

Vinegar: Oh come on, Daniel. You won’t get paid if you don’t talk! Kiseragi’s on the top rope and I think he’s going for a flying side kick! No! Andy Savana’s got a hold of his leg and he’s not letting go! Kiseragi’s trying to kick him off as Brandon Brown comes to his aid, grabbing Andy Savana and throwing him into the barricade. It’s too late! Prescott’s up and he’s got Kiseragi in position. Superplex!

Hanson: Fuck off, Vinegar. You don’t like my commentary so won’t get my commentary.

Vinegar: Stop being so childish, Dan. Prescott once again climbing the corner and he can’t be thinking about a high flying move in his state can he? No! He’s calling for a beer and Savana throws him a can. Prescott can’t catch it though and he’s calling for another one. Savana’s so drunk, he throws another can but it lands in the audience somewhere. Come on Dan, cheer up. I’m sorry okay!

Hanson: No you’re not.

Vinegar: I really am! I was out of line, okay and your opinion matters too. Oh watch out, beer coming our way! Nice catch!

Hanson: I know, right.

Vinegar: Do you forgive me?

Hanson: I’ll think about it and OH that can hit Owen Peterson in the head! Maybe it’ll knock some sense into him. I can’t believe he’s still wearing that Unified Goblin Championship.

Vinegar: I think Savana’s out of beer and Prescott didn’t manage to catch a single can! Kiseragi’s behind him and a reverse huracanrana! Declan Prescott crashes and burns and Kiseragi makes the cover!

1!


2!


Hanson: The Significant Player kicks out! Kiseragay picks him up and it’s a Rainbow Dragon suplex!

1!


2!


2.9!

Vinegar: Prescott barely managing to get a shoulder up! Kiseragi’s all fired up and he’s waiting for Prescott. Waiting...

Hanson: Prescott’s shows determination as he stands once more!

Vinegar: YARI KICK and a cover!

1!


2!


2.9!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Vinegar: I don’t believe it! Andy Savana interfered again, putting Prescott’s foot on the bottom rope and Peterson didn’t see it!

Hanson: See what? I didn’t see anything!

Vinegar: The Dragon looks infuriated now as he orders Brown to take care of Savana.

Savana: Hey, I have one can left! DECLAN!

Vinegar: WHAT! Oh no! Savana threw a can for Declan Prescott and it hit Kiseragi! The Dragon’s out cold! Now Brandon’s after Savana and Savana’s in the ring! Brown follows him in and Savana kicks his head in. Brown no sells and they’re fighting tooth and nail!

Hanson: No sells? What’s that?

Vinegar: I don’t know but it’s wild in there! Of course Savana’s had plenty of practice in bar brawls!

Hanson: Of course. Savana trains day and night, whenever he can, wherever he can. That’s why he’s so great.

Vinegar: Brown with a superkick but Savana dodges the attack! He rolls out of the ring, wiping his brow in relief. But here comes Brown! And he’s chasing Savan up the ramp! They’re out of here!

Hanson: Brown’s so dumb. Savana’s luring him into an ambush!

Vinegar: Prescott and Kiseragi are both standing now and it’s all square, despite the action so far and despite Prescott’s drunken state! Prescott and Kiseragi stand face to face, who’s going to make the first move and who’s going to win this match?

Hanson: Player’s Peak!

Vinegar: Kiseragi flips out and lands on his feet! Kiseragi hits a Brandon Brown Superkick!

Hanson: No! Prescott catches his foot and spins him around! Significant Impact!

Vinegar: Kiseragi elbows Prescott in the head and kicks him in the midsection. KIS KICK!

1!


2!


3!

Hanson: GAH! How did that happen? This is a travesty of justice! Brandon Brown’s interference cost Prescott the match!

Vinegar: Brandon Brown’s not even here!

Dennis: HERE IS YOUR WINNEEEEEEEEEEEEEER, representing the gay community, ALEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEX KISERAAAAAAAAAAAAGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!

Vinegar: Kiseragi celebrates in the ring as Prescott finishes the match the way he started it, with his back on the mat.

Hanson: Oh whatever. I’m over this. Next match.

Vinegar: Brandon Brown defeated Andy Savana last week and Alex Kiseragi has defeated Declan Prescott this week! It’s not looking good for ‘The Tag Team Champions’.

Hanson: Next match!

Vinegar: Could this be an omen of what’s to come at Battleground? I certain-

Hanson: NEXT MATCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Vinegar: And after that drunken fiasco I’m looking forward to an actual wrestling match.

Hanson: I know Kiseragay was all over the place before but I don’t think he was drunk.

Vinegar: Not Kiseragi, oh never mind. Up now, a once in a lifetime tag team match! Former tag team partners and GIW Tag Team Champions clash when Dirge and Randy Boolzian take on Donovan Hastings and Raenius, four of the entrants in the upcoming Battleground match AT Battleground on the sixth of August.

Hanson: The Lord of Pain is the only one worth watching in that match and he will be your winner.

Vinegar: We don’t know that Dan. There will be six men and women in that match. The other two are Chassie Fear and William Everknight who won their entry last week on Sentinel.

Hanson: Oh God, I hate that guy! He’s so annoying. ‘Fighting Spirit blah blah blah...’ Who gives a fuck? I don’t! He’s a nobody! He’s a whining, crying, bitching shemale who thinks he’s tougher than he is. What a waste of space!

Vinegar: And on that note, I’ll give it to Mitchell Dennis.

Hanson: Ew.

Vinegar: Not like that.

Dennis: The following tag team contest is a showcase for the Battleground match!

Redneck by Lamb of God alerts the audience to the arrival of Raenius who appears on the stage as a dark purple glow fills the arena.

Dennis: Making his way to the ring, RESIDENT EVIIIIIIIIIL – RAAAAAAEEEEEENIUUUUUUUUUS!

Vinegar: Of course Raenius and Dirge are normally on the same side but tonight they are opposing each other and have to coexist with their new partners, Donovan Hastings and Randy Boolzian.

Hanson: Hey, maybe they’ll win a match now. Well, they can’t both win but one of them will and that makes a change.

Vinegar: What are you talking about?

Raenius hops onto the apron before climbing into the ring, looking confidently prepared for his match. He waits for his tag team partner... Immortal by Adema blasts through the arena and Donovan Hastings appears on stage, draped in his signature cloak.

Dennis: And his partner, accompanied by CALYPSOOO, THE LORD OF PAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIN, DOOONOOOVAAAAAAAAAN HAAAAAAAAASTIIIIIIIIINGS!

Vinegar: Personally, I think Donovan Hastings was better off without that vile woman but I could be wrong.

Hanson: You ARE wrong, Nick. She’s a magnificent example of the female race, fit for a Lord. Donovan doesn’t need her but who wouldn’t want her?

Hastings enters the ring and takes his place next to Raenius. They share an awkward silence as we await the arrival of their opponents.

The Warlock by Probot breaks the aforementioned silence as Dirge appears on stage, a spotlight illuminating his evil presence.

Dennis: And making his way to the ring, THE MOMENTUM KILLEEER, DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRGE!

Vinegar: Dirge will easily be the biggest entrant in this year’s Battleground match and that could give him the edge he needs to come out on top. He also had to work harder for his Battleground entry than anyone else in that match, defeating four other people for his spot.

Hanson: Yeah? Well Donovan Hastings had to def- oh wait.

Dirge glares at Raenius as he steps over the top rope and into the ring. And finally...

Wonder What’s Next by Chevelle echoes through the arena and Boolzian walks through the curtain as a Boolz chant erupts from the audience.

Audience: BOOLZ! BOOLZ! BOOLZ!

Hanson: Why are they chanting ‘Balls’? Is Mahoney here?

Dennis: And his partner, THE RED BUUUUUULL ICOOOOOOOON, RANDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY BOOOOOOOLZIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!

Vinegar: Randy Boolzian won last year’s Battleground match and he’ll want to show everyone in attendance here tonight, how and why he won.

Hanson: Eh, it was a complete fluke.

Boolz enters the ring; he throws his cigarette away and looks at Dirge, unfazed by his partner’s impressive stature.

Vinegar: Well everyone’s in position and I think we’re ready to go.

Hazel East: Shuffle up and deal!

DING DING DING!

Vinegar: Dirge is going to start the match against Donovan Hastings right now and oh, we’ve been joined by William Everknight, another entrant in the Battleground match.

Hanson: What are you doing here, Everknight? Are you lost?

Everknight: No, I hope you don’t mind. I’m doing some homework here, doing some research for my match at the next PPV.

Vinegar: Dirge and Hastings circle each other in the ring and they lockup! The big man backs Hastings into the corner and Hazel East is calling for a break. Dirge shows respect and releases his hold. It’s back to square one!

Everknight: I like that, good sportsmanship from Dirge.

Hanson: Do you have permission to be here?

Vinegar: Dirge and Hastings enter into a test of strength and despite his physical advantage, Dirge is struggling against The Lord of Pain! You can see the strain on Dirge’s face as Hastings overpowers the giant.

Hanson: You sound surprised, Nick.

Vinegar: I am, well I was! Now Dirge is fighting back as a look of pain washes over Donovan Hastings, ironically. Dirge whips Hastings across the ring and Hastings ducks a lariat! Dirge raises his leg for a big boot and connects!

Everknight: Hey, I didn’t see that one coming.

Hanson: Mrs. Levene won’t be happy when I tell her you’re down here!

Vinegar: Dirge doesn’t give his opponent any time to rest as he picks him up for a big powerbomb, but Hastings blocks the attempt. A club to the back and a second attempt at the powerbomb! Hastings drops to the mat and sweeps Dirge onto his back. So what about your match earlier in the show, William?

Everknight: Oh, I’m not here to talk about that match. I have one thing on my mind right now and that’s the Battleground match.

Hanson: I don’t like you.

Vinegar: Hastings has Dirge in a side headlock now and I like that strategy, grounding the big man and taking that height advantage away. Oh, as I say that, Dirge is back up BUT Hastings plants him face first into the mat with a bulldog, all the while keeping that side headlock latched on. So how are you preparing for the Battleground match?

Hanson: I’m tr-

Vinegar: William.

Everknight: Well I’m here right now, watching the action and taking it all in. I want to know what each of these four men is thinking when they’re in a wrestling ring. I want to know how they work and what they’re likely to do in any given situation. I want to know what they’re all capable of. How far they will go and what they will do to win.

Hanson: Oh God, you’re so boring!

Vinegar: Hastings releases the hold and stomps on his opponent’s head, enraging Dirge who pushes Hastings away as he rises to a standing position. Hastings and Dirge stand face to face and now they’re exchanging punches, lefts and rights, one hard blow after another! A sharp right hook catches Dirge and the big man stumbles back. Hastings with a lariat but Dirge counters with a gore and Hastings’ head hits the mat hard.

Hanson: Why are you really here, Everknight? Are you planning on attacking Donovan Hastings, because if you are it’ll never work! He’s far too smart for that.

Everknight: No, I’m not. I wouldn’t do a thing like that. I’m here to watch the match, that’s all.

Vinegar: Dirge picks Hastings up, looking to capitalise on that gore and here comes that powerbomb he attempted earlier! OH! He could be broken in two! And Dirge stomps relentlessly on Hasting’s limp body.

Everknight: Payback’s a bitch.

Hanson: !!! You’re loving it aren’t you?! You’re sick! You came out here to watch The Lord of Pain suffer, didn’t you? You sick freak.

Everknight: I won’t lie, I’m enjoying it but that’s not why I’m here. Donovan Hastings won’t know the meaning of the word ‘suffer’ till I face him at Battleground. Till then, he’s got it easy.

Vinegar: Dirge whips Hastings into the corner and it’s a running Mafia kick. NO! Hastings avoided Dirge’s attack and now the big man’s caught on the top rope! Hastings from behind and a reverse DDT sends Dirge to the mat! Hastings crawling to his corner and here comes a tag, it’s Raenius!

Hanson: Don’t even look at Calypso! I know you want her to suffer too.

Everknight: Hey, I wouldn’t touch Calypso but I can’t say she doesn’t deserve a good beating.

Vinegar: Raenius is looking at Dirge and Dirge is looking at Raenius. They know each other so well. They’re gang members, tag partners and friends but tonight, they’re opponents. Are they going to fight? No! Dirge tags in Randy Boolzian and it’s like a brand new match!

Hanson: Calypso deserves no such thing! She’s a fine woman and you’d be lucky to touch her.

Vinegar: Boolz wastes no time, charging at Raenius! Raenius dodges a dropkick and Boolz avoids an elbow drop! Raenius ducks a short arm lariat and Boolz rolls out of the way of a flying lariat! Snapmare to Raenius and a leg sweep to Boolz! A cover!

1!

Vinegar: Boolz returns the favour.

1!

Vinegar: A quick kick to the back and a dropkick to the head gives Boolzian the advantage and he takes a moment to regain his breath.

Everknight: Look, I dislike Calypso. She embarrassed me and she humiliated me, she made me look like an idiot on national TV. Even worse, she cost me the biggest win of my career but I wouldn’t touch her with a barge pole, it’s not my style.

Vinegar: Raenius is up but Boolz takes him right back down with a snap suplex, and a second, and a third! Once again Raenius pulling himself up but Boolz connects with a springboard dropkick and a cover!

1!


2!

Vinegar: Raenius has way too much left in the tank. Boolz picks him up and hits a neckbreak- but no! Raenius pushes Boolz away, Boolz rebounds and Raenius hits that flying lariat! Raenius collapses in a heap as Boolz crawls to his corner, looking for a tag.

Hanson: It’s not your style? Why don’t we ask Hazel East about your style? Hey, Hazel, get your ass over here!

Vinegar: Dirge enters the ring as Raenius crawls to his corner, desperately looking for that tag. Hastings extends his hand and Raenius reaches out but no! Dirge drags Raenius back to the middle of the ring and it’s on! Covenant versus Covenant! Dirge lifts Raenius into a vertabreaker! Raenius drops out and lifts Dirge into a DVD! Dirge drops out and Raenius ducks a big boot! HOT TAG!

Everknight: Hey, I didn’t mean to hit Hazel East. I mean, I feel terrible but it was an accident and she knows that. I didn’t get disqualified did I?

Vinegar: Hastings hits a lariat! Dirge back up. Hastings hits a hip toss and Dirge is up again. Hastings hits a leg sweep and Dirge is on his back! Hastings hits a leg drop but no! Dirge rolls out of harm’s way. He’s up and he hoists Hastings up for a powerbomb! Hastings rolls through and lands on his feet. Spinebuster!

Hanson: Whatever, Everknight. Why don’t we talk about the match? Dirge tags in Boolzian and we’ve got Hastings versus Boolz! Boolz hits a snap suplex but Hastings takes it like a man!

Vinegar: And Calypso’s cheering her man on as Hastings grabs Boolz by the neck and plants him on the mat with a sickening neckbreaker. Hastings picks him up and throws him into the corner – reversal! Boolz lands a splash and turns his back. Hastings grabs Boolz by the waist – standing switch, and a German suplex into the corner! Hastings is dead!

Hanson: WHAT!

Vinegar: Well, not literally.

Hanson: Phew!

Everknight: Aww...

Vinegar: Boolz looks at Hastings who’s slumped in the corner and hits a hesitation dropkick! Oh, Hastings is out cold but Boolz grabs him by his hair and pulls him up. NOFLYZONE!

Hanson: No! Hastings avoids the collision and Boolz cracks his back on the ring post before falling to the arena floor!

Vinegar: I don’t think Hastings knows where he is as he climbs to the top rope, looking at Boolz. Calypso’s screaming at him to get down but it’s too late! Someway, somehow, Boolz has managed to pull himself up to the top rope. And Hastings hits a superplex! Cover!

1!

2!

2.9!

Vinegar: Boolz kicks out and the match continues!

Everknight: This is one hell of a match! I can’t wait to face them all at Battleground, especially Donovan Hastings.

Hanson: You leave him alone! Boolz crawls to his corner and Hastings is crawling to his. Boolz tags in Dirge and Hastings tags in Raenius!

Vinegar: Dirge and Raenius are standing face to face, staring each other down. Dirge grabs Raenius by the neck and it looks like Assertion of Dominance but Raenius grabs Dirge by the neck for a chokeslam of his own! They’re choking each other out here and Hazel East is trying to break them apart but neither man will relinquish their hold!

Hanson: Kick to the mid section and Assertion of Dominance! Raenius bounces off the mat! Cover!

1!

2!

Vinegar: Raenius kicks out and rolls to the apron. He pulls himself and Dirge reaches over the top rope for another chokeslam! Raenius kicks Dirge’s arm away and Dirge reacts with a lariat! Raenius head hits the hard apron as Dirge steps onto the apron. Oh no... he’s got Raenius up for a DVD!

Hanson: ON THE APRON?!

Vinegar: On the apron! But Raenius has a firm grip on the top rope and he’s not letting go! Dirge is trying to break him free but it’s no good and oh! Raenius releases the rope but grabs it again quickly. He’s elbowing Dirge in the head and kneeing him in the chest, anything to get away.

Hanson: Dirge drops him and-

Vinegar: FULL FRONTAL! GOOD GOD!

Hanson: Dirge falls to the floor as Raenius rolls back into ring and Hazel East starts her count!

1!

Vinegar: This match really is a showcase for Battleground.

2!

Hanson: You’re telling me!

3!

Everknight: Um... This is what I signed up for?

4!

Vinegar: This and more.

5!

Hanson: Yeah, I don’t think your research will help.

6!

Everknight: Oh God... help me.

7!

Vinegar: Is Dirge alive?

8!

Hanson: I don’t know!

9!

Vinegar: And Dirge rolls into the ring! FULL FRONTAL!

1!


2!


2.9!!!!!

Vinegar: Boolz breaks the pin!

Hanson: Hastings is in!

Vinegar: And a DiscomBoolZalator to Hastings!

Hanson: And a Rippersnapper to Boolz!

Vinegar: And DEATH IN VEGAS TO RAENIUS!

1!


2!


3!

Everknight: Wow.

Vinegar: The ring looks like it’s been hit by a bomb! Hazel East is the only one left standing and she was lucky to avoid another collision in this match. Sorry, Will.

Hanson: How are they going to clean that up? Hey Will, I have a job for you.

Everknight: Yeah, yeah, whatever Daniel. I’ve done my research, I’m going home.

Vinegar: We’re not going anywhere, right Daniel? We still have one match left on the card!

Hanson: My hero, Travis Roberts takes on that B-movie maker, Moss Edwards!

Vinegar: Let’s check on Salem.

Hanson: I don’t know why we’re going there. Raenius is still in the ring.

Vinegar: Well we can always just wait until Raenius leaves the..

[The scene cuts to Salem pacing in Raenius’s locker room]

Vinegar: … or not. Thanks producer.

Hanson: What the hell are we going to watch here? Dude is going to pace around the room until Raenius walks in, then they’re going to fight, then we’re going to move onto the main event.

Vinegar: That’s completely possible, Daniel, but I still think we should at least hear what they have to say.

[Salem stops pacing and pounds his right fist into his left hand in anticipation of Raenius arriving. We begin to hear a loud beeping -- as if a truck were backing up -- coming from behind the door. Salem walks toward the door and right as he gets his large hand around the handle…]

Vinegar: Oh my god!

Hanson: What the hell is THAT?!

[The eyes behind Salem’s mask become as big as tea saucers as on either side of him is a solid six foot silver spear that has gone through the door, leaving a gaping hole from whence it came. The beeping suddenly stops. Salem attempts to push the door open, finding it impossible. He shoulders it hard, grunting with all his might. After a few attempts, he rears back and kicks the door as hard as possible, but it won’t budge an inch.]

Vinegar: Salem’s locked inside!

Hanson: Ya think? What about our cameraman? We can’t get him out either! How do you expect him to do his job?

Vinegar: What the hell?



Dragon: Heeeeeeeeere’s MICKEY!

[Salem charges forward throwing his arm through the hole in an attempt to get at Dragon. The saw continues to whirr loudly and Dragon grabs the big man by the wrist.]

Dragon: Ya know… if I was completely out of my mind, you wouldn’t have a hand right now. You’re not too bright, are you big man?

[Salem rips his arm back through the hole and puts his face a little bit back from the hole. Outside, Dragon stands beside a forklift he’s driven into the door and drops the reciprocating saw he cut the hole with.]

Salem: Why don’t you put your toys down and come in here and play, Mickey.

Dragon: Toys? I’m a man of simple pleasures, Salem. I like power tools… and gasoline… and people in agony. Which, I’m sad to say, is what I plan to do to you.

Salem: When I get out of this Mickey I'm gonna rip your fuckin head off you fuckin half wit!!!



Dragon: Salem, I wanted to talk this out. I really did. I figured this was the easiest way to keep us from killing each other but if you want to get hostile about it, I’m just going to have to get what I want and let you figure it out.

[Dragon grabs the keys from the ignition of the forklift and walks back to the hole in the door.]

Salem: There is nothing that is going to stop me from crippling you. You want to talk about hostile? I'll show you hostile as soon as I get out of here you emo bitch! You know what’s sad about you killing off your mom Mickey?

Dragon: The fact that I'll do it again... to someone you so deeply care about? You're pathetic, Salem. You put all your faith into something that she could give a shit less about.

[Dragon throws the keys to the forklift through the door and they slide across the floor.]

Dragon: You figure it out, stupid.

[Dragon walks away as Salem continues screaming at him]

Salem: I was thinking more on the lines of never getting to see the look of disappointment in her eyes when she has to watch you on TV and realize that best part of her sons life... ran down the crack of her ass in conception.

[Dragon smiles sadistically, looking over his shoulder toward the forklift, but soldiers on, off screen. Salem beings screaming like a caged animal and loud thuds begin from inside the door. Inside, we see Salem swinging a fire ax at the aluminum door.]

Hanson: Jesus Christ!

Vinegar: This is volatile, Daniel. Someone’s going to die before this war is over.

Hanson: Can’t have a war without casualties!

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

William Everknight is walking backstage with his championship over his shoulder, but he stops when he sees Calypso Desmona standing in front of him, a wry smile on her face.

Everknight: What do you want?

Calypso: It's not what I want, darling. It's what he wants.

The GIW.com champ takes a hesitant step back.

Everknight: I don't care what he wants. You go back and tell Donovan that I'm not one of his puppets.

Calypso: I don't think you understand.

Everknight: I understand just fine. You two are playing at some game, and I won't be a part of it.

Hastings: She was telling you to turn around, asshole.

Everknight turns quickly in the direction of the voice, and Hastings blasts him in the face with a steel chair!

Hastings: I swear, people make it difficult to give a proper dramatic beating these days.

Donovan opens the chair and sets it up such that it pins Everknight to the floor. He sits down, leaning over the back of the chair and looking down at Everknight.

Hastings: Hello there.

Everknight struggles against the chair, but he is pinned down.

Hastings: You're quite the annoying little bitch, aren't you? None of this had anything to do with you. None of it at all. You were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. But then you went ahead and decided you wanted to play in the sandbox. You dared to put yourself into the Battleground. What's more, you felt a peasant like yourself was worthy to come to ringside and speak of me. You don't belong in my presence, and for violating that, and making me stoop to this depth, you're going to have to be punished.

Calypso picks up the title belt and secures it around her own waist.

Hastings: We're taking your title. It's ours now, until I see fit to return it to you. Now, behave.

Donovan stands, and as the bar of the chair comes off his throat, Everknight coughs violently.

Hastings: And when you speak of me, you will know me as Lord.

The pair walk away, as Everknight gasps for air.

Hanson: Serves William right, thinks he can come into my house, do my job, and then walk off as if he’s something special...HA!

Vinegar: This has been an unpredictable night of GIW action so far, and it is time for the main event!

Hanson: This match is going to determine what kind of match Travis Roberts beats Moss Edwards in at Battleground!

Vinegar: It will determine what kind of match they face each other in.

Hanson: You say tomato.

The arena goes dark and silent momentarily, then a solitary spotlight shines near the entrance as “Dark of the Matinee” hits the PA system. A young man who looks like a Newsies extra squats in front of the entryway in the spotlight, holding a clapboard. He shouts action, claps it down, and the slam is punctuated by the entryway exploding in sparks and the first staccato chords of the entrance music. Moss steps through the sparks, followed by his small crew of assistants and his boom mic operator.

Mitchell: Introducing first, being accompanied to the ring by Grace Harding, from Hollywood, California, MOSS EDWARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRDS!

Vinegar: Moss Edwards is the #1 contender to the Unified Global Championship, the last remaining of the three men that earned future title shots at Break for the Border!

Hanson: Took him long enough to cash that in! Lazy bastard.

“Bummer” hits, and when drums hit in Travis appears through the curtain, his arms spread open and the Unified Global Championship slung over his shoulder.

Mitchell: And his opponent, he is the Unified Global Heavyweight Champion, The Blessed One, TRAVIS ROBBBBBBERRRRRRRRRRRRRRTS!!!!

Vinegar: Grace seems to be giving a wary look at the Unified Champion as he comes down the ramp.

Hanson: Well, they did watch some home movies together, if you know what I mean.

Vinegar: I don’t. What do you mean?

Hanson: They were getting along, you know, wink wink, nudge nudge, know what I mean?

Vinegar: I think often no one does. In any case, both competitors in the ring now, Glenn Burke calling for the bell to start this match.

Hanson: I wonder what kind of match Travis will choose when he wins?

Vinegar: Don’t start with that again. Travis has Moss in a hammerlock, here in the early goings of this match, looking for position, but Moss counters through it and takes Travis down with a swinging neckbreaker.

Hanson: Travis likes to give his opponents a running start. It’s boring if you just squash people all the time.

Vinegar: Moss with an early cover, but Travis pushes him right off.

Hanson: You can’t finish the Blessed One that quickly! Moss lives in a fantasy world.

Vinegar: That might be true, and it makes these two a fitting pair for each other, but right now Moss has the champion in the corner, and is tearing into him with some hard knife edge chops.

Hanson: Now, what are you trying to imply about our champion?

Vinegar: Only that Moss Edwards is over powering him in the corner, and he takes him out now with a monkey flip! Travis is trying to get to his feet, but Moss hits the Dramatic Effect!

Hanson: It’s actually kind of anti-climactic right now, though.

Vinegar: Moss with the cover!


1!


2!


Vinegar: And Roberts kicks out!

Hanson: See what I mean?

Vinegar: Moss comes off the ropes and swings for a clothesline as Travis is getting up, but Travis sidesteps him and counters into a full nelson slam!

Hanson: Of course! Because that was just a TRLAOCIAFSOS, all that stuff before.

Vinegar: Roberts falls on top of Moss for the cover…


1!


2!

Vinegar: Moss kicks out!

Hanson: You know, even if Moss somehow pulled off the upset here, the only proper thing to do would be to declare it null and void and have a rematch.

Vinegar: How do you figure?

Hanson: Think about it, Nick, we consider ourselves to essentially be a reputable profession in cinema.

Vinegar: Something like that.

Hanson: Moss would be able to appreciate this, he’s a director. If Julia Roberts fucks up a scene, they don’t hand her $15 million and say, that’ll do, thanks. They’d reshoot the scene.

Vinegar: Have you SEEN her movies?

Hanson: Okay, well, if she was meant to be dancing, and enjoying herself, but was crying and limping, they would reshoot. Hence if Travis lost, we’d have to reshoot the ending of the match, you get what I’m saying?

Vinegar: I’d rather not, as in the meantime Moss has taken back control of this match, Travis missing a charge into the corner, and Edwards hits the Fade Out!

Hanson: And I’m telling you, Moss would appreciate what I’m saying. You know what I want him to explain to me, as a director?

Vinegar: No.

Hanson: In pornos, when they squint and jerk backwards during the moneyshot, why don’t they reshoot that? Personally, I’d make them reshoot that.

Vinegar: I meant no, I don’t want to know.

Hanson: Because they consider themselves a legitimate profession, you know? I pay for that. Why do they pull back? Who knows. But really, I’m paying for a premium product, I want premium service.

Vinegar: Stuff like this got us kicked off the air, meanwhile IN OUR MAIN EVENT, Edwards has Travis set up for the Flop, but Travis elbows out of it and knocks him away!

Hanson: I miss Gabby now, thanks. Think Grace will take her shirt off for me?

Vinegar: Travis kicks Edwards in the chest, he’s got him set up for the White Out, but Moss backdrops out of it! Roberts tries to get right up and charge, but Moss drop toe holds him into the ropes!

Hanson: I think that spot was patented by somebody. We’ll have to go back and edit it out.

Vinegar: We ARE live! Moss Edwards is going to the corner and jumps onto the turnbuckle, he runs along the ropes and goes for Thumbs Down, but Travis pulls back and Moss crashes at ringside!

Hanson: Big thumbs down to that maneuver!

Vinegar: Travis slingshots over the ropes, and he splashes Moss at ringside, and both men are down!

Hanson: That’s how important this match is, Travis Roberts is willing to sacrifice his body, so he can choose the manner in which he gets to beat Moss Edwards at Battleground!

Vinegar: Both men back to their feet, and they are brawling up the ramp! Glenn Burke is trying to get their attention and get them back in the ring, but neither man seems to care!

Hanson: I think it’s just that nobody listens to Glenn Burke.

Vinegar: Moss staggers Travis with a knife edge chop, but Travis comes back and tackles him to the ground on the stage, they’re rolling around on the stage!

Hanson: It’s like middle school recess! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Vinegar: They’re rolling around, but both men stop as they look up and see they are at the feet of the new GIW enforcer, Old Lady Levene herself!

Hanson: What’s she doing out here?

Vinegar: She doesn’t look happy! She’s got her arms crossed, and a frown on her face!

OLL: Look at this! Look at the two of you, like children! If the two of you can’t act like decent human beings and finish your match in the ring, I’ll have to do it for you! I’m putting an end to this, and now I will be picking the stipulation for your match!

Vinegar: Neither Edwards nor Roberts looks particularly happy.

OLL: There is insanity enough already at the Pay-Per-View considering that dreadful Battleground Match, so you two will compete for the Unified Global Heavyweight Championship in a nice standard wrestling match.

Hanson: Well, that’s boring.

Vinegar: But the enforcer has spoken! She has declared this match a no contest, and Moss Edwards and Travis Roberts will face each other at Battleground for the championship, in a traditional standard match...but before we go off air, it seems some more is happening backstage...lets see what’s going on this time...

Nate: Hurry up, Jez, Salem will flip the fuck out if he walks out and we’re not in the locker room where we’re supposed to be.”

[Nathan Korpi’s whispered words grate on Jezebel’s nerves, as do his constant twists and turns as he watches this way and that. She throws another bag into the trunk and then turns on Korpi.]

Jezebel: Why the fuck are you whispering? And Salem never said specifically we had to stay in the locker room, he just said I need babysitters. No certain location. Now quit being a goddamned spazz and help me with the fucking bags.

[On the other side of the car, leaning against the driver’s side door, KvK lets loose a derisive snort aimed at Korpi as he nonchalantly scans the parking area and the shadows around the arena. Jezebel turns, mumbling to herself and loading more bags into the small trunk. All three of them jump as a group of kids run by screaming at each other, Jezebel and Klaus sharing a look that clearly says their nerves are on edge. Nathan doesn’t share in this look because the moment the screaming met his eardrums, his first reaction was to pounce on the lid of a particularly threatening looking trashcan. Hearing the clang of metal, Jezebel and KvK turn to see Korpi holding the trashcan lid in a hand and staring suspiciously into the full and smelly can. He looks up slowly at them and quickly places the lid back on, acting as if nothing had happened. Klaus shakes his head at him and then looks to Jezebel.]

KvK: He’s a rookie… doesn’t know any better,

[Jezebel lets out a snort of laughter.]

Jezebel: Nathan, hun, I appreciate the vigilance and the concern for my wellbeing but I’m fairly certain Dragon isn’t hiding in that garbage can. I doubt he could fit his fat ass head in there. Besides it would smell worse.

[Nathan shrugs in agreement.]

Nate: I’m just a little jumpy.

[Jezebel lets out a sigh and rubs his shoulder before placing the last bag in the trunk and turning to Klaus.]

Jezebel: Salem should be out by now. You know it’s not just me we have to worry about. What if that fucktard did something in there to Salem? Will you just go check real quick, Klaus and tell him we’re ready when he is?

[Before she’s even done, Korpi’s head is shaking in the negative.]

Nate: Oh no. Salem said we should stay with you and besides Klaus only has one good arm. What the fuck good is he going to do? If you have to have one of us go, I’ll go look for Salem. Oh wait- that leaves Klaus with one good arm with you. Damn.

[Korpi’s forehead wrinkles as he tries to analyze this new conundrum while Klaus stares at him with something akin to challenge at how Nate so easily slighted him and counted him as meaning nothing simply because he only retains the use of one arm. Deciding to avenge his honor, KvK unceremoniously whacks Korpi with his casted arm, causing the rookie to drop and give a shout in surprise and pain. ]

KvK: What the fuck good is he going to do?

[KvK mocks Korpi and hits him again, this time in the shoulder before Korpi moves quickly away, putting Jezebel between he and Klaus who is now huffing with indignation.]

KvK: Goddamned rookies.

[Jezebel heaves an exasperated sigh.]

Jezebel: Fucking hell guys, both of you just go. The sooner you get him the sooner we can leave.

[Sensing the inevitable protest, she holds up both hands, requesting silence before continuing.]

Jezebel: I will be fine. If it will make you feel better, I’ll get in the car and roll up the windows and lock the doors. If I see even a hint of Dragon or even get a weird feeling I’ll start honking my horn until I get a ticket for disturbing the peace or some shit. Now fucking go!

[Knowing what she says is true, KvK gives in gracefully and slings his heavy cast around Nathan by the throat, effectively cutting off his arguments and dragging him with him. Jezebel shakes her head watching them go and climbs into her car, locking the doors and keeping her part of the bargain with her hand on the horn. She shakes her head, thinking about how things have turned out. She glances in the rearview mirror and sees… blue.]

Jezebel: Fuck, forgot to close the trunk.

[Without giving a glance around her, she pops the lock on the door and hops out of the car, rounding the back to slam the trunk closed.]


Voice: Hello Jezebel.

[When the voice sounds behind her, she jumps like a scalded cat and turns quickly, visibly relaxing when she spies The Resident Evil standing a few feet away from her and then tenses up again.]

Jezebel: What the fuck do you want?

Raenius: You think now, maybe, that you can leave this shit be? As far as I’m concerned, we’re all even here. You fucked about, we fucked you about, and that’s that. If you keep this little… self indulgent vendetta going, then you’re going to get hurt.

[Scowling, Saint walks up towards Raenius to stare him down.]

Jezebel: Is that a threat?

Raenius: I don’t make threats, Jez. I thought you’d know that by now. I make promises. Thing about the Dragon is, well… when he starts, he doesn’t stop until there’s blood. A bastard-load of blood.

[Saint laughs.]

Jezebel: Maybe it’ll be his blood, this time.

Raenius: Maybe fucking not. We outnumber you, after all. Look at what happened in the ring. I told you the last time Salem and I traded blows that it was an apocalyptic thing. If it comes down to it again, and I have to do worse… well… I suppose I’ll have to cross that bridge when I come to it.

Jezebel: What, you mean you didn’t cross it a few minutes ago?

[Raenius’ head cocks to one side]

Raenius: A few what, when?

[Raenius turns and walks off screen as Jezebel quickly throws the trunk closed and sprints back toward the building, reaching the metal door in what seems like a split second. She throws the door open, coming face to face with a motionless Mickey Dragon holding a gray rag in his left hand.]

Dragon: Going somewhere?

[Jezebel turns, taking two steps away from Dragon in attempt to run, but is grabbed instantly by the neck and the rag thrown over her face.]

Dragon: They say this smells like chloroform, Jezebel. What do you think?

[Jezebel fights for a few seconds before her eyes roll back into her head and she goes limp.]

Dragon: Guess they were right. Gotta be quick.

[Dragon drags Jezebel to the large sedan and rips open the back seat. He picks her up by the armpits and throws her into the back seat. He throws the door closed and nonchalantly walks to the driver’s door. He pulls it open and turns the engine over, locking the doors as he does so. Dragon puts the car in reverse and spins the tires pulling quick 180. The back door from which he came out bursts open as Salem, flanked by KvK and Korpi chase after the car. Dragon peels off, driving into the darkness with Salem chasing off into the darkness after the car. The taillights are seen getting further and further away as Salem chases after. The camera turns back to KvK and Korpi.]

Korpi: Now what?


[End Show]

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Credits

JK vs Nathan
T-Rob

Public Service Announcement
Ichabod

Headshots
Moss, Dirge & BoolZ

Mickey D & Chassie vs Jezebel & Salem
Mickey, Jez and Salem (I think)

GIW.com Championship
BoolZ

Prescott vs Kiseragi
Josch

Raenius & Hastings vs Dirge & BoolZ
Josch

Main Event
Hastings

The various Covenant/Sleaze & Brutality Segments
Mickey, Jez & Salem (Again I think)

Editor
T-Rob

[andysavana]

DAMN!

The covenant need some fucking talking to. They all fighting and shit. Though their constant fighting made the night flow as if a real show.

Also my match was epic once again.

[Declan Prescott]

Where was Fidel?

[Red Bull Icon]

Aug 16, 2009 19:31:52 GMT -5 Declan Prescott said:

Where was Fidel?

Where was YO MOMMA? Cause that's probably where FCF was.

I loved the Covenant/Sleaze and Brewtality bits, but fuck guys (TRAVIS). The GIW, I thought, had a format with none of '[' ']' that crap. Still it helped the show move and was paced well.

I also enjoyed Hanson's interaction with Everknight. And the BattleGround (really no s?) match should be shaping up nicely with Hastings/Everknight and hopefully now BoolZ/Dirge seemingly pairing off. Of course that means Raenius and Chassie have to brawl, but it could also just mean Hastings/Everknight have to wait for resolution.

[brandonbrown]

(Brandon Brown walks by the place where the sell merchandise in the GIW Arena.)

Brandon: The Best of GIW: Year 1, I must have this DVD thus adding to my collection.

[andysavana]

My match against McSkinny will be on there.

[The Greater Evil]

That was a really good show that's going to take me a few re-reads to get straightened out in my head. Lol.

Incidentally...who won the Tag Match I was in ??

[>V<]

My favorite part was the big gang warfare brawl. It's PWC# 3,872 but when it's done right it's always entertaining.

(PWC=Pro Wrestling Cliche)