Post by Lord Hastings on Jul 13, 2020 20:45:52 GMT -5
Name: Todd the Intern
Year Inducted: 2019
Phrixus Deimos walks out on to the stage with his journal that has a number of colored pieces of paper protruding throughout it. He steps up to the podium.
Deimos: This year it has been decreed that the unsung heroes of UGWC should be honored at this ceremony, and I can think of no better recipient than the individual that will step out on stage in just a few moments.
The first entrant in the 2019 UGWC Hall of Fame is someone I have observed for the better part of the past decade. This individual is the very definition of the word lynchpin, without him UGWC would very likely grind to a halt. Yet very few of you would recognise him if he passed you in the hall, and I speak not only to the fans in attendance tonight.
Fear now opens his journal at the first mark.
April 5th, 2010
What kind of farce has become of us? What have we agreed to in this union? Minutes before the debut show of this new Unified Coalition, it was discovered that the broadcast rights for the theme song had not been acquired. Had [REDACTED] not shown presence of mind and ingenuity disaster may have befallen us in the very first moments of this new existence.
He turns the page to another colored bookmark.
March 21st, 2011
What sort of Cretin books a Bar Room Brawl and fails to book a bar? As ever the Consortium have been saved by the charms of [REDACTED] who managed to talk a local bar owner into such a dubious proposition. I certainly would not allow Kyle Tacker and John Russo in a venue presenting entertainment if it were my business.
He licks his fingers before turning to yet another page
June 19th, 2013
As distasteful as it was to have to entangle with the Brother Morgan, it could have been far worse. Forgotten passwords risked In Your Hands being turned into a guessing game, and without the computer wizardry of [REDACTED] I may have had to touch the doubtless infected skin of Gian Jones.
Another page is turned.
July 5th, 2015
In booking an invitational tournament with representatives from several other organisations you would have thought the first order of business would be to ensure their parent companies were OK with you promoting their stars. The cease and desist letters that have been steadily incoming from OWF, WWA and EPW regarding not only their trademarks but also intellectual property proved this was overlooked, and once again reinforces my petition that we need to hire an actual legal department rather than continuing to rely on the incredible aptitude of [REDACTED] for damage control.
Phrixus shakes his head when he turns the next page.
November 2nd, 2015
The Coalition has been touring the world for the better part of the year, one would reasonably assume they would have come to grips with the complexities of group bookings at hotels. The fact that for the third time this year [REDACTED] had to make a number of calls to numerous different establishments when we landed to ensure that an angry mob of von Knorre, Barnes, Scott and Dredd were not left wandering the streets of a foreign country overnight. In Johannesburg that could have been especially troublesome.
Fear looks out at the crowd and lifts up his journal displaying that their are almost as many post it notes demarking reference points as there are pages.
Deimos: I think you get the point, as you can see there are many more examples, but for the sake of brevity, I wish to introduce to you a man that quite literally made sure we had a ring for this show...please everyone….show your appreciation for….TODD…
Fear pauses and flicks through his journal at speed, before closing it and shrugging.
Deimos:...THE INTERN!!!!
The curtains part, and instead of Todd we see a red faced Robert Ooley comes striding onto the stage and takes the podium nudging Fear aside with his trusty baseball bat Louis. His one revealed eye bulges as he stares at Deimos in disgust for a moment.
Ooley: TOSS... in the HALL OF FAME...who the fuck thought that was a good idea? He’s a fucking intern! He doesn’t even receive medical benefits like full office staff.
Fear leans over to the microphone.
Deimos: Well I was thinking…
Ooley: Shut it, Scared, I'm not in the modd!
He slams Lois on the podium.
Ooley: Why didn’t anyone run this by me?
Deimos looks at the raving and spitting figure in front of him.
Deimos: I have my suspicions.
Ooley: He’s MY fucking intern!
Deimos: And has been for what I imagine is a world record length of time for an internship.
Ooley: And there’s a goddamn reason for that! He sucks at his job. His coffee tastes like shit, the printer is always fucking jamming, the A/C is never at the right fucking heat, people keep showing up in my office, shit I need to sign piles up on my desk and Mama Ooley called the other day and bitched me out for fogetting her birthday for the third year in a row!
Without Ole’ Bob that creepy little prick would be giving rimjobs behind a Chic-A-Fil six days a week, rather than taking an enforced nap in a supply closet backstage. I made that fucknut, if anyone deserves this.
He grabs the HoF ring from the podium and thrusts it in the air.
Ooley: It’s Ole’ Bob himself.
Deimos motions to Ooley’s hand.
Deimos: You already have one.
Ooley: And now I have two!
He makes a big show of putting the second ring on before leaning back in to the microphone.
Ooley: Suckers.
Year Inducted: 2019
Phrixus Deimos walks out on to the stage with his journal that has a number of colored pieces of paper protruding throughout it. He steps up to the podium.
Deimos: This year it has been decreed that the unsung heroes of UGWC should be honored at this ceremony, and I can think of no better recipient than the individual that will step out on stage in just a few moments.
The first entrant in the 2019 UGWC Hall of Fame is someone I have observed for the better part of the past decade. This individual is the very definition of the word lynchpin, without him UGWC would very likely grind to a halt. Yet very few of you would recognise him if he passed you in the hall, and I speak not only to the fans in attendance tonight.
Fear now opens his journal at the first mark.
April 5th, 2010
What kind of farce has become of us? What have we agreed to in this union? Minutes before the debut show of this new Unified Coalition, it was discovered that the broadcast rights for the theme song had not been acquired. Had [REDACTED] not shown presence of mind and ingenuity disaster may have befallen us in the very first moments of this new existence.
He turns the page to another colored bookmark.
March 21st, 2011
What sort of Cretin books a Bar Room Brawl and fails to book a bar? As ever the Consortium have been saved by the charms of [REDACTED] who managed to talk a local bar owner into such a dubious proposition. I certainly would not allow Kyle Tacker and John Russo in a venue presenting entertainment if it were my business.
He licks his fingers before turning to yet another page
June 19th, 2013
As distasteful as it was to have to entangle with the Brother Morgan, it could have been far worse. Forgotten passwords risked In Your Hands being turned into a guessing game, and without the computer wizardry of [REDACTED] I may have had to touch the doubtless infected skin of Gian Jones.
Another page is turned.
July 5th, 2015
In booking an invitational tournament with representatives from several other organisations you would have thought the first order of business would be to ensure their parent companies were OK with you promoting their stars. The cease and desist letters that have been steadily incoming from OWF, WWA and EPW regarding not only their trademarks but also intellectual property proved this was overlooked, and once again reinforces my petition that we need to hire an actual legal department rather than continuing to rely on the incredible aptitude of [REDACTED] for damage control.
Phrixus shakes his head when he turns the next page.
November 2nd, 2015
The Coalition has been touring the world for the better part of the year, one would reasonably assume they would have come to grips with the complexities of group bookings at hotels. The fact that for the third time this year [REDACTED] had to make a number of calls to numerous different establishments when we landed to ensure that an angry mob of von Knorre, Barnes, Scott and Dredd were not left wandering the streets of a foreign country overnight. In Johannesburg that could have been especially troublesome.
Fear looks out at the crowd and lifts up his journal displaying that their are almost as many post it notes demarking reference points as there are pages.
Deimos: I think you get the point, as you can see there are many more examples, but for the sake of brevity, I wish to introduce to you a man that quite literally made sure we had a ring for this show...please everyone….show your appreciation for….TODD…
Fear pauses and flicks through his journal at speed, before closing it and shrugging.
Deimos:...THE INTERN!!!!
The curtains part, and instead of Todd we see a red faced Robert Ooley comes striding onto the stage and takes the podium nudging Fear aside with his trusty baseball bat Louis. His one revealed eye bulges as he stares at Deimos in disgust for a moment.
Ooley: TOSS... in the HALL OF FAME...who the fuck thought that was a good idea? He’s a fucking intern! He doesn’t even receive medical benefits like full office staff.
Fear leans over to the microphone.
Deimos: Well I was thinking…
Ooley: Shut it, Scared, I'm not in the modd!
He slams Lois on the podium.
Ooley: Why didn’t anyone run this by me?
Deimos looks at the raving and spitting figure in front of him.
Deimos: I have my suspicions.
Ooley: He’s MY fucking intern!
Deimos: And has been for what I imagine is a world record length of time for an internship.
Ooley: And there’s a goddamn reason for that! He sucks at his job. His coffee tastes like shit, the printer is always fucking jamming, the A/C is never at the right fucking heat, people keep showing up in my office, shit I need to sign piles up on my desk and Mama Ooley called the other day and bitched me out for fogetting her birthday for the third year in a row!
Without Ole’ Bob that creepy little prick would be giving rimjobs behind a Chic-A-Fil six days a week, rather than taking an enforced nap in a supply closet backstage. I made that fucknut, if anyone deserves this.
He grabs the HoF ring from the podium and thrusts it in the air.
Ooley: It’s Ole’ Bob himself.
Deimos motions to Ooley’s hand.
Deimos: You already have one.
Ooley: And now I have two!
He makes a big show of putting the second ring on before leaning back in to the microphone.
Ooley: Suckers.
