Post by "Burned in Blood" Konrad Raab on Jun 6, 2022 23:01:13 GMT -5
Fort Worth, Texas. Friday 20th May. (Off-Camera)
Call me Konrad Raab, the sick individual who enjoys collecting blood, but not only do I want that, but I enjoy the look on these pathetic people's faces and see the shock of me tearing the living fuck out of people. But I'm more than just a wrestler outside of the ring, but also smelling at gasoline that get through my nostrils and my lungs, although tasting the lovely sight of my fleshes. SCW tried to remove them from my body, tried to remove the glasses in my body, tried to heal the fleshes of barb wire cut across me.
But instead, walking away was the best solution for dealing with psychical pain. I put my fist up and punched SCW staff for trying to remove fleshes of blood and glass pieces from my body because I wanted to feel psychical pain. Otherwise, I'd be in emotional distress, and that's the last thing I want. Showing off to my teammates and my Brad Rogers team my fleshes only made me feel better.
I'm already in my brown Snickers overalls because, boy, I was ready to do some practice and qualifying laps, especially losing that title to Kim was a fucking joke. I shouldn't have lost to Kim, and I most likely never respect her because I fear respecting wrestlers around me for fear of being hurt again. But that's for another day. I'm walking on the track with a couple of my teammates for five minutes, feeling the Texas Motor Speedway track, closing my eyes, and visualising the corners and the turns. Some people who think NASCAR is about going round in circles are idiots. They have no idea how much work it takes to be a star of this sport and a professional wrestler.
It has some cracks on the track and lots of markings of cars scraping the wall; that is always something I get told consistently to drive near the wall, but the fear of crashing is something I have, but I shouldn't; right? But being a part-time driver in NASCAR, I've never felt closer to death. I love situations where I could die, doing the two sports I love. The thrill, the adrenaline, the injuries and risking your own life, if only wrestling matches were always like your fear of dying, but you do it anyway. I never was afraid to die in any of my wrestling matches, not even the deathmatches; the steel cage matches Kim, and I were in because you'll survive.
After the five-minute track walk with my team without saying a word because I always want to visualise the electricity, the cheers the fans give me, or the boos sometimes, imagine the left turns I have to do correctly. Still, it doesn't fucking matter what wrestling and NASCAR fans react to me. I walk back to the garage, a man wearing a leather coat, leather trousers with red knife marks you get in prisons, the only friend in the wrestling business I have, with a thick Norwegian accent, happens to come to Texas.
Dakon Theron: "You know why I'm here, don't you?"
Konrad Raab: “Of course I do. I show you how I fucking feel."
Dakon Theron: "Not in front of everyone."
What, is he fucking stupid? Of course, I wasn't going to beat the living shit out of him in front of everyone. So instead, while the team got my Xfinity car sorted, we walked away from smelling that gasoline, the engine sound almost blowing my eardrum off when they ref the engines. When I leave the circuit with Dakon with a special pass we both have, or Dakon does, as everyone knows, I'm a NASCAR driver. We walked on the busy streets of Fort Worth; some people were wearing NASCAR shirts, even some wearing of me as a driver because NASCAR wanted to make money off me by selling merchandise, stupid snobs.
I walk from gasoline, engine revving in my ears to the sounds of people discussing random shit nobody cares about. Unless it's wrestling, NASCAR, or illegal street fights related, nothing interests me, apart from my fiancee giving birth to my kids soon, but that's beside the point. We arrived at the outside of a golden five-star hotel with a blue circle labelled as Comfort Suites. Nothing to be angry about at first. Until we went inside of it where everything, but some equipment was gold, making me close my fist with my left hand, squeezing it tightly, gritting my teeth, having red rosy cheeks. Being completely red, knowing it reminded me too much of what I lost overnight.
Konrad Raab: "Thanks for reminding me of last night."
Dakon Theron: “Oh, no problem at all.”
Konrad Raab: "Oh yes, it's so funny, isn't it, you piece of shit."
Standing there arguing with Dakon in the lobby wasn't going anywhere, and I had to hold it together because I wouldn't get arrested for fighting in a public place where everyone could see it. But seeing gold plastered everywhere only fuelled my anger up so much more, even my body shaking entirely. We took the stairs because it was good exercise, walking rapidly up them. We reached the fifth floor when Dakon shouted stop. Dakon directed me far away from the stairs and the elevator. It was the farthest from all the hotel rooms in the hotel.
Dakon unlocked his hotel room door, and then as soon as it closed, with all the anger I still had from what happened last night, all the fleshes of blood trying to remove from me. I screamed from the top of my lungs because Dakon was also a friend I needed to let my anger out on and started punching his face with so much anger I needed to let out on him with the title loss. I screamed in anger, almost to the point of me in tears because I was so pissed off, and it was good because I needed to let out aggression.
Konrad Raab: "How does it feel now, you son of a bitch? You think it's funny to bring me to a hotel and remind me what I lost last night, does it?"
I decided to undo my overalls and show Dakon the extent of my injuries, some I was proud of and take great joy because of how much psychical damage takes away from the emotional pain that spills around my head. I still didn't stop beating him with my fists and my feet, battering him, and I loved it; it was the best beating I had given to someone outside the ring and illegal street fighting. Vicious kicks I give to Dakon to his ribs, giving him punches to his head that cause a cut to his forehead with blood dripping down on him. Then my body gave up, collapsing to the carpet floor.
Dakon slowly got up after the beating I had done on him because it was weeks worth of anger or at least what I hear with his feet walking around, standing over me, only I got my legs to turn to him and trapped his left knee to him on the ground, so he doesn't act as he won over me. Dakon looked at me with the marks on my body.
Dakon Theron: "Holy crap, what have you done to yourself?"
I slowly come to as I move a bit to put words to his mouth angrily.
Konrad Raab: "Enjoying my life, that's what."
Dakon shook his head, tutting at me as if he should know I do this by now.
Dakon Theron: "You know I'm not just on about last night; look, those marks, they aren't wrestling ones to me. They look like knife marks, seriously, Konrad."
Konrad Raab: "Yes, seriously, because I feel better when I cut myself with a knife."
Dakon Theron: "The whole collapsing stuff, it felt like you've been so angry all the time that your body gave up. That's a serious sign of heart problems coming along because of this such filled anger."
That was the last fucking thing I wanted to hear, to seek help for my psychical problems, in any capacity, especially since the doctor has seen through my heart. Although it's at high risk, not as close as Dakon makes it look as I managed to punch his head a lot more until, once again, my body forced me to stop. I close my eyes for a few seconds. I woke up and still shouted with anger.
Konrad Raab: "Do you honestly think heart problems cause it? What about the nightmares every night? What about my past and current shit I'm going through makes me fear sleep at night. I can't sleep, alright, especially when I'm consistently worried about doing something bad in my sleep to Luiza."
That was the thing that scared me the most, hurting Luiza, having nightmares with her sleeping by my side. I loved her to death, more than anyone I've ever loved before, because she was so caring, understood and treated me like a person, compared to Fizz walking all over me, treating me like a piece of garbage, to a point she slept with Ian, that bastard. I would lose my fucking mind if I were to lose Luiza, and I'm thankful she's by my side because god knows what I can do to myself. I'd be in prison or dead by now. Dakon nodded his head as if he knew what I had.
Dakon Theron: "You have Rapid Eye Movement Disorder?"
Konrad Raab: "Yes. I don't know how to tell Luiza that without losing her."
Dakon Theron: "You need to tell her, Konrad. Ask her if she has seen you act the acts you claim to have you fear doing. If she says she had seen you act your dreams, you need some help to combat that."
Konrad Raab: "I used to get them once in a blue moon, but they are happening every night now. More since I've reached my mid-fifties. I get to put on tablets, but they have no effect whatsoever."
That was hard for me to break down to Dakon like this heck, I can't even tell my friend and teammate Kyle Young about this, as much as I want to say to him. I broke down in tears for the first time, especially after my therapy with Aaron last week. He told me I had consistent Rapid Eye Movement Disorder while being locked in an Asylum some nights before and after my matches in the Asylum Wrestling Society. I was on my knees, begging like my life was on the line with that, and I had no idea what I would do after losing the Underground title.
Dakon Theron: "I never expected you to cry like this. But if sleeping with Luiza is so much for you, you need to tell her. I'd be there to tell her if you want. After taking Hold Of The Flame with me there for support, we'll tell her. I had no idea your dreams spiralled from that."
Konrad Raab: “Well they do. I appreciate that because I don't know how I can cope telling Luiza about this without losing her. Fuck sake, Dakon, she's my fucking life."
I slowly got myself up to my feet as I was exhausted, but I couldn't go and sleep with her around me. I want to have a peaceful night's sleep with Luiza in my arms, but I can't. Dakon snapped his fingers at me.
Dakon Theron: "I tell you what, you go and sleep here, and I'll watch some TV on the sofa, alright? You don't have to worry about me being hurt in your sleep."
Konrad Raab: "Can you text Luiza for me because I know she'll be worried about me?"
Dakon nods his head at me as I give him my mobile phone before I walk with my head down to sit on the bed, providing I get my shoes and overalls off. I got into Dakon's bed and slept hard. Five hours later, Dakon shook the bed for me to get up. I woke up without fear for the first time since the diagnosis and never felt better and brightened.
Dakon Theron: “Man you needed that.”
Konrad Raab: "I did. You have no idea how safer I was to sleep without worrying about Luiza being hurt. Did she say anything?"
Dakon Theron: "She said alright. I told Luiza you need to talk to her about your sleeping habits after the rumble due to your focus on it, and you need nightmares as fuel to your success."
Why is Dakon so bright? I didn't even think of that, the nightmares fuelling my success to being in the rumble, but the problem was the demons were affecting my fear of sleeping with my fiancee, but this was something new altogether. The intense nightmares, the fear of people that caused my life a living hell targetting me. I felt trapped and in no way out situation, but I loved Dakon's idea so much that I hugged him with an evil smile.
Konrad Raab: "Now I make business happen on the track."
I slowly got out of bed and used the bathroom for a bit. I came out of the bathroom and went over to my overalls and racing shoes, which I put on rapidly and left Dakon's hotel room and his hotel to go straight to the track. I put out a performance of my life, or at least I aim to do that today before I go back to my lovely fiancee and tell her all about my day of being out on track, smelling that excellent gasoline, the engines revving and pushing limits on the car. I was nearly on top with only my teammate Tyler in front of me for qualifying for tomorrow's race.
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Chicago, Illinois. Wednesday 25th May. (Off-Camera)
I was fast asleep in bed because I had been busting my ass all day in the gym yesterday for almost four hours as I had lots of sleep all of Monday due to racing at Charlotte for six whole hours and not enough time to sleep. Luiza and I made love overnight regardless of how exhausted I was, but I would do anything to make my girl happy, except for me doing illegal street fights and hated me cutting myself every day. However, as I woke up, barking consistently. I shrugged it off and went back to sleep at first because I thought Luiza Doe was watching a dog show, she loves dogs, and I got her like dog ornaments in the past, but they started again and got louder.
Konrad Raab: “What the fuck?”
I mentioned quietly not to cause attention to Luiza and watch her dog programs, but the sound was like there was an actual dog in our home. So I put on my FC Koln shirt because they would play in Europa Conference League qualifiers pretty soon; so proud of that team. You can bet my twin brother Markus "Lord" Raab and myself will be going to the games in Europe again if FC Koln makes it through to the Europa League. I also put on some boxer shorts and some tracksuit trousers. I go in the bathroom and do my own business like washing my face, cleaning my teeth and putting deodorant on. Then I lined over the metal bar, looking around for Luiza, but I couldn't find her.
Konrad Raab: “What is that noise?”
Luiza came towards me, or from downstairs, being sexy as she was pregnant with our twins being born into this world pretty soon, something nobody knew anything about in wrestling, and I aim to keep it that way. It's a good thing nobody in Supreme Championship Wrestling watches NASCAR, or at least not to my knowledge. I heard that barking again and saw the television was off. I don't recall any houses close by.
Luiza Doe: "Good morning to you too."
Konrad Raab: "Oh, I'm sorry, just I'm trying to god damn sleep, and the noise woke me up. No point going back to bed now."
Luiza Doe: "I'm glad your up because I want you to come downstairs."
Konrad Raab: "Will that explain what I've been hearing?"
Luiza Doe: "Maybe, maybe not. You have to wait until you come downstairs."
I shrugged my shoulders, not that I had anything better to do, as I went to my bedroom for a bit and placed my mobile phone in my pocket, never knowing who would ring or text me from it. Then I went downstairs with Luiza, looking at me as if I had done something wrong, but she turned with a smile on her face, not that I was impressed being woken up with noises I had never heard apart from TV before.
Luiza Doe: "I love you giving me so many gifts lately and showing how much you love me, apart from when you cut yourself and when you do these illegal street fights, putting me in danger because of what you do."
Konrad Raab: "Luiza, I'm getting the whole illegal street fights to be legit here soon. I need to go out today and sort that out before we go to Breakdown."
Because so far, I had everything packed, and so did Luiza, knowing we'll go to St Louis, Missouri and do shit there, considering I wasn't in the mood to show up to talk about a bullshit loss I had last week on Breakdown, but it was how it is. That's not important, however, as Luiza gave me a slap for talking about wrestling and violence. I lick my lips, knowing I like her slapping me to get my attention.
Luiza Doe: "Shut up about violence for one minute. Now I want you to understand something; what you hear is something you'll appreciate. I brought this out of my own money, but it's for a good reason."
Konrad Raab: "What else am I supposed to do with my life without you around?"
Luiza Doe: "That's why I wanted you up so you can see what I brought, something you must do a lot more in public. Come outside and see what I mean."
I shrugged my shoulders, despite luckily being fully dressed, so I put on my outdoor shoes as I refused to go out with my socks on and then I stepped outside and saw a kennel. Suddenly, I discovered what I heard was barking from my garden. A brown and black dog, running around, barking, being energetic. All I could do was shake my head because this was something I didn't want. I love animals, but this wasn't the correct way to handle my situation.
Konrad Raab: “What the hell? How are we meant to take care of this dog? We're not at home most of the week."
Luiza Doe: "Don't worry, I got someone to take care of the dog while we're away. But that's not the point."
What was my fiancee thinking, buying a dog? I was not impressed as I folded my arms, grunting at my disgust. Especially how I'm out racing every weekend, barely at home apart from a few wrestling matches. I shake my head, and I know Luiza wasn't done, but I have no idea what to think about this.
Luiza Doe: "This English Mastiff-month-old dog, Frankie, will be a part of our family for a long time, whether you like it or not. I don't recall anyone I've met around here; you've gone out on your own and seen you not be a piece of garbage. Let people see you have a caring side. It's the only way to show how I want you to be happy and be kinder to people."
Konrad Raab: "Crying yesterday of having to show respect to Kim was hard enough. But for me to go out in public to show my human side? Buying a dog behind my back? I don't want people to see how soft I am."
Luiza Doe: "Well, I do, and I'm tired of you going out and telling me you've been out fighting. I wanted to surprise you. This is your opportunity to go out and do things beyond violence-related, beyond me and your kids related. Just look at Frankie; he's whimpering because he knows you don't give a fuck about him."
Truthfully, I don't because I have no interest in taking care of a god damn dog that could be disruptive to my home; it made me sick of Luiza wanting me to be human in public. I didn't even want to touch Frankie, so I went in the house and let Luiza deal with him as I didn't want to be walking a god damn dog out in public, stopping me from being a violent maniac. However, I went into the kitchen, got a sharp knife out, and cut myself with concern and tears on her face and Frankie whimpering.
Luiza Doe: "I'm sorry, Frankie. I thought Konrad would've loved you, but he's being extremely stubborn, mainly because of a rumble match he has coming up. Konrad needs love outside of me, his kids and his family. He needs someone like you to talk to when he's alone when I go to college. Most importantly, he has no idea that me buying you will improve his mental health, something Aaron suggested for me to do to make him happier. I guess I was wrong."
Was I wrong to be mad to get something I didn't want? No, but I didn't realise she was trying to help me simultaneously. After seeing blood pour from my body, I stopped cutting myself and tasted my blood. After she told Frankie she brought him to help me with my mental sickness, and I calmed down, I came back out and got on my knees and gulped due to the fear of me having to go out in public and walk the dog now. Rather go out and fight with the rage I have in my head and my sick mind. I only want to hurt people to make myself feel better. Luiza looked at me while Frankie whimpered because of how I treated him. She had stuff for him on toys; I even saw a dog food and drinking bowl in the kitchen, even a dog flap, large enough for a human to go through; it seemed Luiza had all these plans, and I blew her off.
Luiza Doe: "What, did you hear all of that? I hope so because this dog will help all of that horrible son of a bitch."
She was right to say that because I was a horrible son of a bitch, but what Luiza didn't realise was something I had yet to communicate with a large gulp, shaking like a leaf with my entire body and a pit of heart pain because of how disgusting I was. However, anger is a form of protecting myself when I'm sad as I hug her with Frankie, still unsure of me.
Konrad Raab: "I'm scared."
Luiza Doe: "I know you are. Frankie will help you combat your fears of being human in public and improve your anger to be happy. Now, I want you to walk the dog without thinking about or wanting to beat people up and hurt them."
Konrad Raab: "Fine."
It wasn't a satisfactory fine because now I got the responsibility of taking care of something I didn't want, but it was something I needed. I couldn't argue with Luiza, even if Aaron and her discussion about getting me a dog behind my back was shitty. All I want to do is go and beat the living shit out of someone, especially on Breakdown. Luiza gave me a ribbon dog-collar leash that NASCAR was selling of my teammate and friend. I'm still angry about this being hidden behind my back, especially when Luiza looked at me with anger to stay after letting go of hugging me.
Luiza Doe: "Well, you not going to give Frankie a stroke or talk to him? Have a heart."
I crouched down and did the one thing I had to do, stroking Frankie to quieten and patting him. I was still not happy, but I knew I had to be because it was a present Luiza had given me to help with my mental health. So I went into the house with Frankie, holding on to the dog-collar leash as Luiza threw a small red rubber ball towards me. She also came in and gave me some dog waste bags as well. I placed them in my pocket as Frankie was happier, despite still sussing me out.
I grabbed the keys from the key bowl in the hallway before I left home with Frankie, and we went to a local park which is fifteen minutes from where I live. When we got there, I took him off the leash and ran around while Frankie chased the ball while throwing a ball from a far distance. When I stopped playing and called Frankie's name, he came over to me and jumped on me.
Konrad Raab: "I'm sorry for ignoring you; just I was afraid of taking care of you. I will never shout or ignore you ever again. I will give you all the love in the world that I do with my children."
I patted Frankie as he suddenly accepted me as his owner, and he licked my face as we went on the grass, rolling around together, even if I was afraid of being human. I had to be responsible with Frankie now, even if I'm still getting used to it. A few minutes later, Frankie went off and did his business. After he did, I picked up his mess with a bag to scoop up the mess and placed it in a dog bin. I put Frankie back on his leash, and we walked back home.
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15 minutes later. (Off-Camera)
After I got home from taking Frankie out for a walk, I was all set to go to St Louis until all of a sudden, there was a vibrating, ping sound coming from my pocket, so I pulled out my mobile phone and saw it was a text from Supreme Championship Wrestling staff. So I opened the text that reads this.
"To Konrad Raab, we can't trust you coming to St Louis Breakdown show and beating everyone, staff and wrestlers included, due to your mental state. Unfortunately, you stay home until the rumble, where we expect you to attend and wrestle. On behalf of the Supreme Championship Wrestling staff."
Konrad Raab: “Those bastards.”
The bags were already downstairs from me bringing them earlier, and I suddenly had to undo everything. As I put my phone in my pocket, because I yelled with such anger, it raised the attention of Luiza and Frankie as he ran over and wrapped his body around my legs, feeling something trigger him. I gave him a stroke and a kiss on his head.
Luiza Doe: "What's going on?"
Konrad Raab: "According to Supreme Championship Wrestling staff via text, the bastards, they don't want me anywhere near St Louis, beating the shit out of wrestlers at the arena because they fear I would beat anyone in the arena and causing harm to them, deemed a threat to them."
Luiza Doe: "That's messed up. I want to see that text."
Frankie was all over me as I pulled my phone out of my pocket and showed her the text. Frankie whimpered, primarily because although he's still getting used to me, I know it's with him worried about me as I crouched down, and because I never really spoken to him in front of Luiza, I had to this time around.
Konrad Raab: “I'm sorry Frankie. I got angry because we were meant to go to St Louis, but the wrestling staff think I'll fucking hurt someone. I have no idea why the fuck they want to stop me from doing that."
Luiza Doe: "Konrad, you do not use swear words when speaking to Frankie. You're pissed off about not being allowed to attend Breakdown but think of this as a good thing. Sure, it sounds shitty, but at the same time, this is a good thing."
Konrad Raab: "Where is the good thing?"
Luiza Doe: "Sure, that doesn't make complete sense, but the reality is this is your chance to unleash your anger in the ring instead. In the rumble match because that's where you really should be doing all the violence."
I disagreed; this was to prevent me from showing up, so I don't destroy staff and wrestlers themselves being hurt because I was not to be stopped, and I was fuming, boiling with air, smelling like Frankie had done a shit on the floor, obviously he hasn't, but that's how bad things were for me.
Konrad Raab: "No, I'm not going to settle down, watching some pointless Breakdown show I can't be a part of, especially I know there's going to be a clusterfuck of a fight I can't be a part of because I'm too dangerous to staff and wrestlers themselves. After you've come back from college, I will beat the living shit out of illegal street fighters. I tell the organiser about finding an abandoned warehouse where illegal street fights can be sanctioned and still stick to the no rules shit."
Luiza Doe: "Since you are pissed off about the situation, I let you off, but just this one time, I'll let you get your anger out. But for now, bond with Frankie. He's had breakfast already; Frankie's treats and dog food are all out on the kitchen table. Other than tonight after you take Frankie for another walk today, no violence. Be a human, be kind to Frankie, who will get used to you and love you. He already loves me; we've bonded over the last two days. Anyway, I got to go to college; see you later."
Konrad Raab: “I love you.”
Luiza Doe: "I love you too."
Luiza goes over to Konrad, and they kiss and hug tight before Frankie leaps up at her and talks to Frankie, saying he should be a good boy and Konrad will take care of him throughout the day as Frankie woofs at Luiza, knowing he was more used to Luiza than with me. I watch Luiza pick up her bags and lunch before picking her keys up and leaving.
It only left me to bond with Frankie. I go to put on the rumble from two thousand and nineteen because why the fuck not since it was the last time I'd been lost, having no idea what the fuck I'm going to do for my career. This time, it wasn't anything like back then because I was naive to the world, thinking everyone loved me when in reality, I was fucking hated.
Frankie suddenly sat on me, wiggling his tail at me while thinking of nothing but violence when I walked into the rumble match on Sunday night. I spent time working out at home with Frankie watching me, trying to do his exercises. The more I thought about moving away from the Underground title, the more I hated it, but at the same time, I had to because Kim and I can't be facing each other all the time. Still, I have no idea who I will eliminate or do in the rumble other than blast a few people with weapons and eliminate as many wrestlers as possible.
I fed him and gave him a few treats. I also took him for a walk so that he could do his business again. Then I had to cook for Luiza and eat dinner before I went out and cause chaos on the illegal street fighters I've been put to face, and I smelt lots of blood and tasted it from my victims.
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Chicago, Illinois. Friday 3rd June. (On-Camera)
It's back in my own abandoned home part where I always do my videos from. I think all of you have seen so many times before on what the abandoned home looks like so I won't go into detail, but the gold paint on the floor has almost gone now, dripping with more red paint. However, my blood wall of fame has gotten bigger. There's one name none of you knows I've been collecting blood from in another company, but another name entered on my list, Kimberly Williams. I even collected parts of her Wasley Penguin that are on the wall next to my blood wall of fame. Other than that, that's the only difference. The camera was on me and now I speak public ally to you all.
Konrad Raab: “That title loss, it was a fucking joke. Sorry, but it was. I shouldn't have lost to that thing, but congratulations to you fuckheads who kissed her ass to win the title because she's deemed more popular, but that's typical of you idiots who think Kim was better than me. Congratulations Kim, you managed to beat me once fairly and only once. Because the last two wins weren't legit. I even managed to show respect for you, despite me finding that difficult, but Kim did give me a beating and a violent one I wanted out of her. But anyway, now here comes the problem I have. All of you are well and truly fucked. Why? Because I don't have a particular target I like to beat and destroy with my own hands."
I feel nothing but hate towards everyone in the wrestling business, although I do respect Kim as hard as it was for me to admit I do, it was time for me to focus on the rumble match itself.
Konrad Raab: "Much less there is no special targets when you don't know who will enter when you walk into a rumble match. So god damn cliché of I will be the last person standing of throwing everyone over the top rope. I guarantee you that unless you enter number one or two, there's no way you'll be doing that because it's unrealistic. However, I still carry those wounds that Kim gave me because I practically beaten the fuck out of people that tried to remove pieces of glass or tried to stitch me up with wounds I got because I wanted to feel psychical pain, the pain I rather feel than the emotional pain I go through every day.”
I shake my head every year people say that because it's impossible to do. I look at the tin of paint in front of me and continue to look at the camera.
Konrad Raab: “I hope this idiot is in this match, but this Sammy Thomas Davies thinks being lonely is a bad thing? Really? You couldn't get better by yourself without some bullshit guidance from Gio? You lazy asshole. When I look back at my times with The Jackals, I was actually being held back from reaching my potential, now look where I am now. Where is Drake, Kandis gone? I think Tommy Valentine might be gone too. I was the only one who's still here and making things happen. I've done everything on my own titles wise, even if Lucas's brother came to help me win, but I didn't ask him to do it.”
I had to pause as I wore my anger voice out as I breathed in and out, wanting to hit a few points.
Konrad Raab: “I wasn't aware Lucas had a brother. I didn't care because I know Syren has had wins like that in the past. Everyone is sick and tired of you consistently wanting the big title when there are other titles around you that you could go for, but just like Kim with the Underground title, you're also stuck in a box as well, refusing to move on to the US, Adrenaline, Underground and TV titles. Why the fuck don't you care about those belts? You've been an eight-time SCW champ before, move the fuck on. Better yet, leave this fucking company because you've done all you've set out to achieve, there's nothing more you want to do and just get the fuck out of here.”
I always had to wonder why Syren wants to be an SCW champion once again so badly. It must get boring to chase and win the same title without wanting to evolve past that point. However, there is more than just Sammy and Syren in the match to focus on.
Konrad Raab: “Of course, there are champions in this match which personally shouldn't be because people like Josh Hudson and Cid are not champions. Kim might be doing something different, although not an idea she will deliver on. But those two shouldn't bother because they've already got titles, what use is it for them to be here? I got my eye on you two and want a perfect chance to fuck you both up. I preach on your talk about violence Josh. I preach on wanting to make other wrestlers bleed. But you do have what I want in the near future, while Cid is lagging around that Adrenaline title. He doesn't give a fuck about the belt at all. All he cares about is promoting some poxy helpful guide you have to pay to do. What a stupid idea when you don't help anyone at all.”
I spit on the floor, a glob of my saliva as I look at the red paint I love pouring on myself, the closest thing to blood I love and adore so much which speaking of violent wrestlers, asides from Kim and Josh, there was a couple I wanted to face too.
Konrad Raab: “Datura and Ducky are great violent wrestlers, but how come since they've been here, they've never challenged me to a wrestling match? For all the violence you portray in the world, you fail to challenge a bastard that wants nothing more than to put a beating on everyone around me. Bring your fucking best and bring your tits that I call a man's balls for bravery and beat the shit out of me with weapons because I'm not aiming to come into this match just to lift you fake violent wrestlers out of the ring because you don't come in and avoid facing me your entire careers. You beat the shit out of me if you want to get far.”
Then I started to pour red paint, although I wish and do think its blood I drip all over myself, there are some things I have to contain with myself without going overboard. I still love the smell of paint fumes, not as much as gasoline as I let it drip all over me.
Konrad Raab: “Don't you love Owen Lee having my name mentioned all the time? I've been living rent-free in his head this entire time because he has spoken a lot of shit about me while being a fucking joke while at it. Nobody cares that you got into the business the easy way. You can call me a fake monster all you want, but at least I'm not a generic piece of garbage that gets in wrestling via fake family members and you still can't figure out who the fuck you are and that will still apply after you've won. Go and fuck yourself you worthless rent living bitch.”
I fucking hated this kid and if I could go and put him on the injury list permanently, I would. I would make sure this kid's wrestling career would be done. Have such hatred towards him because he speaks so much shit that's not true.
Konrad Raab: “Owen's been lucky so far and maybe you could go and see your non-existent family one day or that's at least you have one because you've never had to earn anything to get here, everything was handed to you on a silver platter. Nobody cares about you Owen and I don't give a shit about weaklings that can't even master a violent streak in him. You're soft and will never be on par on the violent front. You're a fucking joke like you've been calling me all this time and the weakest man in professional wrestling.”
Once again, I pour blood or rather red paint on me, knowing I would love to smash Owen's fucking head with this tin of paint. Of course, I have no energy left to give to others who I clearly don't give a fuck, although I still always wanted that piece of the scum of a manager Lexy's head.
Konrad Raab: “I know, this rumble is about throwing people over the top rope with your arms and with the SCW title on the line. But I'm going to do things differently with this rumble. Instead of coming in and throwing fuckers out, I'm going to eliminate people by using weapons. I'll clock someone's head with a weapon to eliminate them over the top rope. When I win this whole thing, my SCW title match won't be a straight-up one on one title match.”
Maybe Kim's idea was great, but I had an even better one, even with the red paint, dripping all on the floor and the chair because I loved the paint on me, heck I loved cutting myself open. Although that does need to change.
Konrad Raab: “God knows how many of them we see every year with stale regular one on one main event with SCW title on the line wrestling because no challenger wants to get themselves out of a fucking box and put themselves in steel cage matches, deathmatches with explosions, hell in a cell or even the elimination chamber. I don't need the stupid idea of needing the Underground title to prove I'm a vicious son of a bitch, I can do it where Kim's too scared of releasing herself out of a box, I will go for the SCW title because I've only had one shot here and I think the whole earn a title shot is bullshit and outdated in this day and age of wrestling.”
I chuckled myself on the idea I had which was revolutionary and I laughed thinking about the clusterfuck beat down I saw. Seeing how weak and pathetic these idiots are.
Konrad Raab: “All of you were lucky I was banned from being on Breakdown last week because I would've given you a beat down that none of you would even get up from. You all were weak sons of bitches that couldn't even fight properly, except for Datura and Ducky. I would've given a beat down that nobody can get up from. But I did do fighting that night, in a legalised MMA fighting scene and enjoyed every minute pounding my opponent's fucking head in to collect his blood and that is the aim for this match, not just to win a poxy title shot, but to eliminate all of you with weapons in a creative way that Kim I doubt will even do to win the match.”
I had a few more words as I loved smelling blood on the windows and the walls, I even loved to hear screams, imagining me breaking their fucking bones. I licked my lips before finishing this off once and for all. I know what I said about fighting in a legalised MMA fight was bullshit, but who's gonna know if I'm telling the truth or not anyway?
Konrad Raab: “I will get that explosion deathmatch against Selena Frost who's been a fluke champion. Everyone is sick of her boring dominance that someone like me can knock a few pegs down because she's scared of being evil. Scared of bending the rules like a good puppet she is to Shaun Cruze because she's just as weak as that punk kid Owen Lee is. Nobody is more violent than me and nobody will end up being better than me. It's not about the last person to win bullshit, it's survival in my world and people will be so blooded and fucked up that you will remember me doing creative things in the rumble to be eliminated by a chair or a barbed wire on the plank of wood."
I took a bit more of a breather as I loved my idea of what I aim to do in the rumble and nothing will change the ideas I have.
Konrad Raab: "I will do anything to win that match and that will involve blood and pain you all will receive from me and then we'll see who the toughest bitch will be when I eliminate not everyone but those who deserve it and those I have left to carve their blooded skin up, pouring with blood, having their names next to the ones I've collected on my board. Prepare to be Iceinated by The Ice Blood when I'll be the last survivor of the Taking Hold Of Hardcore Flame rumble, beating the living shit out of all of you that deserve it with so much anger I have, I won't be able to restrain myself.”
There it was, the final ceiling as I got myself up, with an intense look on my face at the camera and pressed the button to switch the camera off.
Call me Konrad Raab, the sick individual who enjoys collecting blood, but not only do I want that, but I enjoy the look on these pathetic people's faces and see the shock of me tearing the living fuck out of people. But I'm more than just a wrestler outside of the ring, but also smelling at gasoline that get through my nostrils and my lungs, although tasting the lovely sight of my fleshes. SCW tried to remove them from my body, tried to remove the glasses in my body, tried to heal the fleshes of barb wire cut across me.
But instead, walking away was the best solution for dealing with psychical pain. I put my fist up and punched SCW staff for trying to remove fleshes of blood and glass pieces from my body because I wanted to feel psychical pain. Otherwise, I'd be in emotional distress, and that's the last thing I want. Showing off to my teammates and my Brad Rogers team my fleshes only made me feel better.
I'm already in my brown Snickers overalls because, boy, I was ready to do some practice and qualifying laps, especially losing that title to Kim was a fucking joke. I shouldn't have lost to Kim, and I most likely never respect her because I fear respecting wrestlers around me for fear of being hurt again. But that's for another day. I'm walking on the track with a couple of my teammates for five minutes, feeling the Texas Motor Speedway track, closing my eyes, and visualising the corners and the turns. Some people who think NASCAR is about going round in circles are idiots. They have no idea how much work it takes to be a star of this sport and a professional wrestler.
It has some cracks on the track and lots of markings of cars scraping the wall; that is always something I get told consistently to drive near the wall, but the fear of crashing is something I have, but I shouldn't; right? But being a part-time driver in NASCAR, I've never felt closer to death. I love situations where I could die, doing the two sports I love. The thrill, the adrenaline, the injuries and risking your own life, if only wrestling matches were always like your fear of dying, but you do it anyway. I never was afraid to die in any of my wrestling matches, not even the deathmatches; the steel cage matches Kim, and I were in because you'll survive.
After the five-minute track walk with my team without saying a word because I always want to visualise the electricity, the cheers the fans give me, or the boos sometimes, imagine the left turns I have to do correctly. Still, it doesn't fucking matter what wrestling and NASCAR fans react to me. I walk back to the garage, a man wearing a leather coat, leather trousers with red knife marks you get in prisons, the only friend in the wrestling business I have, with a thick Norwegian accent, happens to come to Texas.
Dakon Theron: "You know why I'm here, don't you?"
Konrad Raab: “Of course I do. I show you how I fucking feel."
Dakon Theron: "Not in front of everyone."
What, is he fucking stupid? Of course, I wasn't going to beat the living shit out of him in front of everyone. So instead, while the team got my Xfinity car sorted, we walked away from smelling that gasoline, the engine sound almost blowing my eardrum off when they ref the engines. When I leave the circuit with Dakon with a special pass we both have, or Dakon does, as everyone knows, I'm a NASCAR driver. We walked on the busy streets of Fort Worth; some people were wearing NASCAR shirts, even some wearing of me as a driver because NASCAR wanted to make money off me by selling merchandise, stupid snobs.
I walk from gasoline, engine revving in my ears to the sounds of people discussing random shit nobody cares about. Unless it's wrestling, NASCAR, or illegal street fights related, nothing interests me, apart from my fiancee giving birth to my kids soon, but that's beside the point. We arrived at the outside of a golden five-star hotel with a blue circle labelled as Comfort Suites. Nothing to be angry about at first. Until we went inside of it where everything, but some equipment was gold, making me close my fist with my left hand, squeezing it tightly, gritting my teeth, having red rosy cheeks. Being completely red, knowing it reminded me too much of what I lost overnight.
Konrad Raab: "Thanks for reminding me of last night."
Dakon Theron: “Oh, no problem at all.”
Konrad Raab: "Oh yes, it's so funny, isn't it, you piece of shit."
Standing there arguing with Dakon in the lobby wasn't going anywhere, and I had to hold it together because I wouldn't get arrested for fighting in a public place where everyone could see it. But seeing gold plastered everywhere only fuelled my anger up so much more, even my body shaking entirely. We took the stairs because it was good exercise, walking rapidly up them. We reached the fifth floor when Dakon shouted stop. Dakon directed me far away from the stairs and the elevator. It was the farthest from all the hotel rooms in the hotel.
Dakon unlocked his hotel room door, and then as soon as it closed, with all the anger I still had from what happened last night, all the fleshes of blood trying to remove from me. I screamed from the top of my lungs because Dakon was also a friend I needed to let my anger out on and started punching his face with so much anger I needed to let out on him with the title loss. I screamed in anger, almost to the point of me in tears because I was so pissed off, and it was good because I needed to let out aggression.
Konrad Raab: "How does it feel now, you son of a bitch? You think it's funny to bring me to a hotel and remind me what I lost last night, does it?"
I decided to undo my overalls and show Dakon the extent of my injuries, some I was proud of and take great joy because of how much psychical damage takes away from the emotional pain that spills around my head. I still didn't stop beating him with my fists and my feet, battering him, and I loved it; it was the best beating I had given to someone outside the ring and illegal street fighting. Vicious kicks I give to Dakon to his ribs, giving him punches to his head that cause a cut to his forehead with blood dripping down on him. Then my body gave up, collapsing to the carpet floor.
Dakon slowly got up after the beating I had done on him because it was weeks worth of anger or at least what I hear with his feet walking around, standing over me, only I got my legs to turn to him and trapped his left knee to him on the ground, so he doesn't act as he won over me. Dakon looked at me with the marks on my body.
Dakon Theron: "Holy crap, what have you done to yourself?"
I slowly come to as I move a bit to put words to his mouth angrily.
Konrad Raab: "Enjoying my life, that's what."
Dakon shook his head, tutting at me as if he should know I do this by now.
Dakon Theron: "You know I'm not just on about last night; look, those marks, they aren't wrestling ones to me. They look like knife marks, seriously, Konrad."
Konrad Raab: "Yes, seriously, because I feel better when I cut myself with a knife."
Dakon Theron: "The whole collapsing stuff, it felt like you've been so angry all the time that your body gave up. That's a serious sign of heart problems coming along because of this such filled anger."
That was the last fucking thing I wanted to hear, to seek help for my psychical problems, in any capacity, especially since the doctor has seen through my heart. Although it's at high risk, not as close as Dakon makes it look as I managed to punch his head a lot more until, once again, my body forced me to stop. I close my eyes for a few seconds. I woke up and still shouted with anger.
Konrad Raab: "Do you honestly think heart problems cause it? What about the nightmares every night? What about my past and current shit I'm going through makes me fear sleep at night. I can't sleep, alright, especially when I'm consistently worried about doing something bad in my sleep to Luiza."
That was the thing that scared me the most, hurting Luiza, having nightmares with her sleeping by my side. I loved her to death, more than anyone I've ever loved before, because she was so caring, understood and treated me like a person, compared to Fizz walking all over me, treating me like a piece of garbage, to a point she slept with Ian, that bastard. I would lose my fucking mind if I were to lose Luiza, and I'm thankful she's by my side because god knows what I can do to myself. I'd be in prison or dead by now. Dakon nodded his head as if he knew what I had.
Dakon Theron: "You have Rapid Eye Movement Disorder?"
Konrad Raab: "Yes. I don't know how to tell Luiza that without losing her."
Dakon Theron: "You need to tell her, Konrad. Ask her if she has seen you act the acts you claim to have you fear doing. If she says she had seen you act your dreams, you need some help to combat that."
Konrad Raab: "I used to get them once in a blue moon, but they are happening every night now. More since I've reached my mid-fifties. I get to put on tablets, but they have no effect whatsoever."
That was hard for me to break down to Dakon like this heck, I can't even tell my friend and teammate Kyle Young about this, as much as I want to say to him. I broke down in tears for the first time, especially after my therapy with Aaron last week. He told me I had consistent Rapid Eye Movement Disorder while being locked in an Asylum some nights before and after my matches in the Asylum Wrestling Society. I was on my knees, begging like my life was on the line with that, and I had no idea what I would do after losing the Underground title.
Dakon Theron: "I never expected you to cry like this. But if sleeping with Luiza is so much for you, you need to tell her. I'd be there to tell her if you want. After taking Hold Of The Flame with me there for support, we'll tell her. I had no idea your dreams spiralled from that."
Konrad Raab: “Well they do. I appreciate that because I don't know how I can cope telling Luiza about this without losing her. Fuck sake, Dakon, she's my fucking life."
I slowly got myself up to my feet as I was exhausted, but I couldn't go and sleep with her around me. I want to have a peaceful night's sleep with Luiza in my arms, but I can't. Dakon snapped his fingers at me.
Dakon Theron: "I tell you what, you go and sleep here, and I'll watch some TV on the sofa, alright? You don't have to worry about me being hurt in your sleep."
Konrad Raab: "Can you text Luiza for me because I know she'll be worried about me?"
Dakon nods his head at me as I give him my mobile phone before I walk with my head down to sit on the bed, providing I get my shoes and overalls off. I got into Dakon's bed and slept hard. Five hours later, Dakon shook the bed for me to get up. I woke up without fear for the first time since the diagnosis and never felt better and brightened.
Dakon Theron: “Man you needed that.”
Konrad Raab: "I did. You have no idea how safer I was to sleep without worrying about Luiza being hurt. Did she say anything?"
Dakon Theron: "She said alright. I told Luiza you need to talk to her about your sleeping habits after the rumble due to your focus on it, and you need nightmares as fuel to your success."
Why is Dakon so bright? I didn't even think of that, the nightmares fuelling my success to being in the rumble, but the problem was the demons were affecting my fear of sleeping with my fiancee, but this was something new altogether. The intense nightmares, the fear of people that caused my life a living hell targetting me. I felt trapped and in no way out situation, but I loved Dakon's idea so much that I hugged him with an evil smile.
Konrad Raab: "Now I make business happen on the track."
I slowly got out of bed and used the bathroom for a bit. I came out of the bathroom and went over to my overalls and racing shoes, which I put on rapidly and left Dakon's hotel room and his hotel to go straight to the track. I put out a performance of my life, or at least I aim to do that today before I go back to my lovely fiancee and tell her all about my day of being out on track, smelling that excellent gasoline, the engines revving and pushing limits on the car. I was nearly on top with only my teammate Tyler in front of me for qualifying for tomorrow's race.
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Chicago, Illinois. Wednesday 25th May. (Off-Camera)
I was fast asleep in bed because I had been busting my ass all day in the gym yesterday for almost four hours as I had lots of sleep all of Monday due to racing at Charlotte for six whole hours and not enough time to sleep. Luiza and I made love overnight regardless of how exhausted I was, but I would do anything to make my girl happy, except for me doing illegal street fights and hated me cutting myself every day. However, as I woke up, barking consistently. I shrugged it off and went back to sleep at first because I thought Luiza Doe was watching a dog show, she loves dogs, and I got her like dog ornaments in the past, but they started again and got louder.
Konrad Raab: “What the fuck?”
I mentioned quietly not to cause attention to Luiza and watch her dog programs, but the sound was like there was an actual dog in our home. So I put on my FC Koln shirt because they would play in Europa Conference League qualifiers pretty soon; so proud of that team. You can bet my twin brother Markus "Lord" Raab and myself will be going to the games in Europe again if FC Koln makes it through to the Europa League. I also put on some boxer shorts and some tracksuit trousers. I go in the bathroom and do my own business like washing my face, cleaning my teeth and putting deodorant on. Then I lined over the metal bar, looking around for Luiza, but I couldn't find her.
Konrad Raab: “What is that noise?”
Luiza came towards me, or from downstairs, being sexy as she was pregnant with our twins being born into this world pretty soon, something nobody knew anything about in wrestling, and I aim to keep it that way. It's a good thing nobody in Supreme Championship Wrestling watches NASCAR, or at least not to my knowledge. I heard that barking again and saw the television was off. I don't recall any houses close by.
Luiza Doe: "Good morning to you too."
Konrad Raab: "Oh, I'm sorry, just I'm trying to god damn sleep, and the noise woke me up. No point going back to bed now."
Luiza Doe: "I'm glad your up because I want you to come downstairs."
Konrad Raab: "Will that explain what I've been hearing?"
Luiza Doe: "Maybe, maybe not. You have to wait until you come downstairs."
I shrugged my shoulders, not that I had anything better to do, as I went to my bedroom for a bit and placed my mobile phone in my pocket, never knowing who would ring or text me from it. Then I went downstairs with Luiza, looking at me as if I had done something wrong, but she turned with a smile on her face, not that I was impressed being woken up with noises I had never heard apart from TV before.
Luiza Doe: "I love you giving me so many gifts lately and showing how much you love me, apart from when you cut yourself and when you do these illegal street fights, putting me in danger because of what you do."
Konrad Raab: "Luiza, I'm getting the whole illegal street fights to be legit here soon. I need to go out today and sort that out before we go to Breakdown."
Because so far, I had everything packed, and so did Luiza, knowing we'll go to St Louis, Missouri and do shit there, considering I wasn't in the mood to show up to talk about a bullshit loss I had last week on Breakdown, but it was how it is. That's not important, however, as Luiza gave me a slap for talking about wrestling and violence. I lick my lips, knowing I like her slapping me to get my attention.
Luiza Doe: "Shut up about violence for one minute. Now I want you to understand something; what you hear is something you'll appreciate. I brought this out of my own money, but it's for a good reason."
Konrad Raab: "What else am I supposed to do with my life without you around?"
Luiza Doe: "That's why I wanted you up so you can see what I brought, something you must do a lot more in public. Come outside and see what I mean."
I shrugged my shoulders, despite luckily being fully dressed, so I put on my outdoor shoes as I refused to go out with my socks on and then I stepped outside and saw a kennel. Suddenly, I discovered what I heard was barking from my garden. A brown and black dog, running around, barking, being energetic. All I could do was shake my head because this was something I didn't want. I love animals, but this wasn't the correct way to handle my situation.
Konrad Raab: “What the hell? How are we meant to take care of this dog? We're not at home most of the week."
Luiza Doe: "Don't worry, I got someone to take care of the dog while we're away. But that's not the point."
What was my fiancee thinking, buying a dog? I was not impressed as I folded my arms, grunting at my disgust. Especially how I'm out racing every weekend, barely at home apart from a few wrestling matches. I shake my head, and I know Luiza wasn't done, but I have no idea what to think about this.
Luiza Doe: "This English Mastiff-month-old dog, Frankie, will be a part of our family for a long time, whether you like it or not. I don't recall anyone I've met around here; you've gone out on your own and seen you not be a piece of garbage. Let people see you have a caring side. It's the only way to show how I want you to be happy and be kinder to people."
Konrad Raab: "Crying yesterday of having to show respect to Kim was hard enough. But for me to go out in public to show my human side? Buying a dog behind my back? I don't want people to see how soft I am."
Luiza Doe: "Well, I do, and I'm tired of you going out and telling me you've been out fighting. I wanted to surprise you. This is your opportunity to go out and do things beyond violence-related, beyond me and your kids related. Just look at Frankie; he's whimpering because he knows you don't give a fuck about him."
Truthfully, I don't because I have no interest in taking care of a god damn dog that could be disruptive to my home; it made me sick of Luiza wanting me to be human in public. I didn't even want to touch Frankie, so I went in the house and let Luiza deal with him as I didn't want to be walking a god damn dog out in public, stopping me from being a violent maniac. However, I went into the kitchen, got a sharp knife out, and cut myself with concern and tears on her face and Frankie whimpering.
Luiza Doe: "I'm sorry, Frankie. I thought Konrad would've loved you, but he's being extremely stubborn, mainly because of a rumble match he has coming up. Konrad needs love outside of me, his kids and his family. He needs someone like you to talk to when he's alone when I go to college. Most importantly, he has no idea that me buying you will improve his mental health, something Aaron suggested for me to do to make him happier. I guess I was wrong."
Was I wrong to be mad to get something I didn't want? No, but I didn't realise she was trying to help me simultaneously. After seeing blood pour from my body, I stopped cutting myself and tasted my blood. After she told Frankie she brought him to help me with my mental sickness, and I calmed down, I came back out and got on my knees and gulped due to the fear of me having to go out in public and walk the dog now. Rather go out and fight with the rage I have in my head and my sick mind. I only want to hurt people to make myself feel better. Luiza looked at me while Frankie whimpered because of how I treated him. She had stuff for him on toys; I even saw a dog food and drinking bowl in the kitchen, even a dog flap, large enough for a human to go through; it seemed Luiza had all these plans, and I blew her off.
Luiza Doe: "What, did you hear all of that? I hope so because this dog will help all of that horrible son of a bitch."
She was right to say that because I was a horrible son of a bitch, but what Luiza didn't realise was something I had yet to communicate with a large gulp, shaking like a leaf with my entire body and a pit of heart pain because of how disgusting I was. However, anger is a form of protecting myself when I'm sad as I hug her with Frankie, still unsure of me.
Konrad Raab: "I'm scared."
Luiza Doe: "I know you are. Frankie will help you combat your fears of being human in public and improve your anger to be happy. Now, I want you to walk the dog without thinking about or wanting to beat people up and hurt them."
Konrad Raab: "Fine."
It wasn't a satisfactory fine because now I got the responsibility of taking care of something I didn't want, but it was something I needed. I couldn't argue with Luiza, even if Aaron and her discussion about getting me a dog behind my back was shitty. All I want to do is go and beat the living shit out of someone, especially on Breakdown. Luiza gave me a ribbon dog-collar leash that NASCAR was selling of my teammate and friend. I'm still angry about this being hidden behind my back, especially when Luiza looked at me with anger to stay after letting go of hugging me.
Luiza Doe: "Well, you not going to give Frankie a stroke or talk to him? Have a heart."
I crouched down and did the one thing I had to do, stroking Frankie to quieten and patting him. I was still not happy, but I knew I had to be because it was a present Luiza had given me to help with my mental health. So I went into the house with Frankie, holding on to the dog-collar leash as Luiza threw a small red rubber ball towards me. She also came in and gave me some dog waste bags as well. I placed them in my pocket as Frankie was happier, despite still sussing me out.
I grabbed the keys from the key bowl in the hallway before I left home with Frankie, and we went to a local park which is fifteen minutes from where I live. When we got there, I took him off the leash and ran around while Frankie chased the ball while throwing a ball from a far distance. When I stopped playing and called Frankie's name, he came over to me and jumped on me.
Konrad Raab: "I'm sorry for ignoring you; just I was afraid of taking care of you. I will never shout or ignore you ever again. I will give you all the love in the world that I do with my children."
I patted Frankie as he suddenly accepted me as his owner, and he licked my face as we went on the grass, rolling around together, even if I was afraid of being human. I had to be responsible with Frankie now, even if I'm still getting used to it. A few minutes later, Frankie went off and did his business. After he did, I picked up his mess with a bag to scoop up the mess and placed it in a dog bin. I put Frankie back on his leash, and we walked back home.
-------------------------------------------------
15 minutes later. (Off-Camera)
After I got home from taking Frankie out for a walk, I was all set to go to St Louis until all of a sudden, there was a vibrating, ping sound coming from my pocket, so I pulled out my mobile phone and saw it was a text from Supreme Championship Wrestling staff. So I opened the text that reads this.
"To Konrad Raab, we can't trust you coming to St Louis Breakdown show and beating everyone, staff and wrestlers included, due to your mental state. Unfortunately, you stay home until the rumble, where we expect you to attend and wrestle. On behalf of the Supreme Championship Wrestling staff."
Konrad Raab: “Those bastards.”
The bags were already downstairs from me bringing them earlier, and I suddenly had to undo everything. As I put my phone in my pocket, because I yelled with such anger, it raised the attention of Luiza and Frankie as he ran over and wrapped his body around my legs, feeling something trigger him. I gave him a stroke and a kiss on his head.
Luiza Doe: "What's going on?"
Konrad Raab: "According to Supreme Championship Wrestling staff via text, the bastards, they don't want me anywhere near St Louis, beating the shit out of wrestlers at the arena because they fear I would beat anyone in the arena and causing harm to them, deemed a threat to them."
Luiza Doe: "That's messed up. I want to see that text."
Frankie was all over me as I pulled my phone out of my pocket and showed her the text. Frankie whimpered, primarily because although he's still getting used to me, I know it's with him worried about me as I crouched down, and because I never really spoken to him in front of Luiza, I had to this time around.
Konrad Raab: “I'm sorry Frankie. I got angry because we were meant to go to St Louis, but the wrestling staff think I'll fucking hurt someone. I have no idea why the fuck they want to stop me from doing that."
Luiza Doe: "Konrad, you do not use swear words when speaking to Frankie. You're pissed off about not being allowed to attend Breakdown but think of this as a good thing. Sure, it sounds shitty, but at the same time, this is a good thing."
Konrad Raab: "Where is the good thing?"
Luiza Doe: "Sure, that doesn't make complete sense, but the reality is this is your chance to unleash your anger in the ring instead. In the rumble match because that's where you really should be doing all the violence."
I disagreed; this was to prevent me from showing up, so I don't destroy staff and wrestlers themselves being hurt because I was not to be stopped, and I was fuming, boiling with air, smelling like Frankie had done a shit on the floor, obviously he hasn't, but that's how bad things were for me.
Konrad Raab: "No, I'm not going to settle down, watching some pointless Breakdown show I can't be a part of, especially I know there's going to be a clusterfuck of a fight I can't be a part of because I'm too dangerous to staff and wrestlers themselves. After you've come back from college, I will beat the living shit out of illegal street fighters. I tell the organiser about finding an abandoned warehouse where illegal street fights can be sanctioned and still stick to the no rules shit."
Luiza Doe: "Since you are pissed off about the situation, I let you off, but just this one time, I'll let you get your anger out. But for now, bond with Frankie. He's had breakfast already; Frankie's treats and dog food are all out on the kitchen table. Other than tonight after you take Frankie for another walk today, no violence. Be a human, be kind to Frankie, who will get used to you and love you. He already loves me; we've bonded over the last two days. Anyway, I got to go to college; see you later."
Konrad Raab: “I love you.”
Luiza Doe: "I love you too."
Luiza goes over to Konrad, and they kiss and hug tight before Frankie leaps up at her and talks to Frankie, saying he should be a good boy and Konrad will take care of him throughout the day as Frankie woofs at Luiza, knowing he was more used to Luiza than with me. I watch Luiza pick up her bags and lunch before picking her keys up and leaving.
It only left me to bond with Frankie. I go to put on the rumble from two thousand and nineteen because why the fuck not since it was the last time I'd been lost, having no idea what the fuck I'm going to do for my career. This time, it wasn't anything like back then because I was naive to the world, thinking everyone loved me when in reality, I was fucking hated.
Frankie suddenly sat on me, wiggling his tail at me while thinking of nothing but violence when I walked into the rumble match on Sunday night. I spent time working out at home with Frankie watching me, trying to do his exercises. The more I thought about moving away from the Underground title, the more I hated it, but at the same time, I had to because Kim and I can't be facing each other all the time. Still, I have no idea who I will eliminate or do in the rumble other than blast a few people with weapons and eliminate as many wrestlers as possible.
I fed him and gave him a few treats. I also took him for a walk so that he could do his business again. Then I had to cook for Luiza and eat dinner before I went out and cause chaos on the illegal street fighters I've been put to face, and I smelt lots of blood and tasted it from my victims.
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Chicago, Illinois. Friday 3rd June. (On-Camera)
It's back in my own abandoned home part where I always do my videos from. I think all of you have seen so many times before on what the abandoned home looks like so I won't go into detail, but the gold paint on the floor has almost gone now, dripping with more red paint. However, my blood wall of fame has gotten bigger. There's one name none of you knows I've been collecting blood from in another company, but another name entered on my list, Kimberly Williams. I even collected parts of her Wasley Penguin that are on the wall next to my blood wall of fame. Other than that, that's the only difference. The camera was on me and now I speak public ally to you all.
Konrad Raab: “That title loss, it was a fucking joke. Sorry, but it was. I shouldn't have lost to that thing, but congratulations to you fuckheads who kissed her ass to win the title because she's deemed more popular, but that's typical of you idiots who think Kim was better than me. Congratulations Kim, you managed to beat me once fairly and only once. Because the last two wins weren't legit. I even managed to show respect for you, despite me finding that difficult, but Kim did give me a beating and a violent one I wanted out of her. But anyway, now here comes the problem I have. All of you are well and truly fucked. Why? Because I don't have a particular target I like to beat and destroy with my own hands."
I feel nothing but hate towards everyone in the wrestling business, although I do respect Kim as hard as it was for me to admit I do, it was time for me to focus on the rumble match itself.
Konrad Raab: "Much less there is no special targets when you don't know who will enter when you walk into a rumble match. So god damn cliché of I will be the last person standing of throwing everyone over the top rope. I guarantee you that unless you enter number one or two, there's no way you'll be doing that because it's unrealistic. However, I still carry those wounds that Kim gave me because I practically beaten the fuck out of people that tried to remove pieces of glass or tried to stitch me up with wounds I got because I wanted to feel psychical pain, the pain I rather feel than the emotional pain I go through every day.”
I shake my head every year people say that because it's impossible to do. I look at the tin of paint in front of me and continue to look at the camera.
Konrad Raab: “I hope this idiot is in this match, but this Sammy Thomas Davies thinks being lonely is a bad thing? Really? You couldn't get better by yourself without some bullshit guidance from Gio? You lazy asshole. When I look back at my times with The Jackals, I was actually being held back from reaching my potential, now look where I am now. Where is Drake, Kandis gone? I think Tommy Valentine might be gone too. I was the only one who's still here and making things happen. I've done everything on my own titles wise, even if Lucas's brother came to help me win, but I didn't ask him to do it.”
I had to pause as I wore my anger voice out as I breathed in and out, wanting to hit a few points.
Konrad Raab: “I wasn't aware Lucas had a brother. I didn't care because I know Syren has had wins like that in the past. Everyone is sick and tired of you consistently wanting the big title when there are other titles around you that you could go for, but just like Kim with the Underground title, you're also stuck in a box as well, refusing to move on to the US, Adrenaline, Underground and TV titles. Why the fuck don't you care about those belts? You've been an eight-time SCW champ before, move the fuck on. Better yet, leave this fucking company because you've done all you've set out to achieve, there's nothing more you want to do and just get the fuck out of here.”
I always had to wonder why Syren wants to be an SCW champion once again so badly. It must get boring to chase and win the same title without wanting to evolve past that point. However, there is more than just Sammy and Syren in the match to focus on.
Konrad Raab: “Of course, there are champions in this match which personally shouldn't be because people like Josh Hudson and Cid are not champions. Kim might be doing something different, although not an idea she will deliver on. But those two shouldn't bother because they've already got titles, what use is it for them to be here? I got my eye on you two and want a perfect chance to fuck you both up. I preach on your talk about violence Josh. I preach on wanting to make other wrestlers bleed. But you do have what I want in the near future, while Cid is lagging around that Adrenaline title. He doesn't give a fuck about the belt at all. All he cares about is promoting some poxy helpful guide you have to pay to do. What a stupid idea when you don't help anyone at all.”
I spit on the floor, a glob of my saliva as I look at the red paint I love pouring on myself, the closest thing to blood I love and adore so much which speaking of violent wrestlers, asides from Kim and Josh, there was a couple I wanted to face too.
Konrad Raab: “Datura and Ducky are great violent wrestlers, but how come since they've been here, they've never challenged me to a wrestling match? For all the violence you portray in the world, you fail to challenge a bastard that wants nothing more than to put a beating on everyone around me. Bring your fucking best and bring your tits that I call a man's balls for bravery and beat the shit out of me with weapons because I'm not aiming to come into this match just to lift you fake violent wrestlers out of the ring because you don't come in and avoid facing me your entire careers. You beat the shit out of me if you want to get far.”
Then I started to pour red paint, although I wish and do think its blood I drip all over myself, there are some things I have to contain with myself without going overboard. I still love the smell of paint fumes, not as much as gasoline as I let it drip all over me.
Konrad Raab: “Don't you love Owen Lee having my name mentioned all the time? I've been living rent-free in his head this entire time because he has spoken a lot of shit about me while being a fucking joke while at it. Nobody cares that you got into the business the easy way. You can call me a fake monster all you want, but at least I'm not a generic piece of garbage that gets in wrestling via fake family members and you still can't figure out who the fuck you are and that will still apply after you've won. Go and fuck yourself you worthless rent living bitch.”
I fucking hated this kid and if I could go and put him on the injury list permanently, I would. I would make sure this kid's wrestling career would be done. Have such hatred towards him because he speaks so much shit that's not true.
Konrad Raab: “Owen's been lucky so far and maybe you could go and see your non-existent family one day or that's at least you have one because you've never had to earn anything to get here, everything was handed to you on a silver platter. Nobody cares about you Owen and I don't give a shit about weaklings that can't even master a violent streak in him. You're soft and will never be on par on the violent front. You're a fucking joke like you've been calling me all this time and the weakest man in professional wrestling.”
Once again, I pour blood or rather red paint on me, knowing I would love to smash Owen's fucking head with this tin of paint. Of course, I have no energy left to give to others who I clearly don't give a fuck, although I still always wanted that piece of the scum of a manager Lexy's head.
Konrad Raab: “I know, this rumble is about throwing people over the top rope with your arms and with the SCW title on the line. But I'm going to do things differently with this rumble. Instead of coming in and throwing fuckers out, I'm going to eliminate people by using weapons. I'll clock someone's head with a weapon to eliminate them over the top rope. When I win this whole thing, my SCW title match won't be a straight-up one on one title match.”
Maybe Kim's idea was great, but I had an even better one, even with the red paint, dripping all on the floor and the chair because I loved the paint on me, heck I loved cutting myself open. Although that does need to change.
Konrad Raab: “God knows how many of them we see every year with stale regular one on one main event with SCW title on the line wrestling because no challenger wants to get themselves out of a fucking box and put themselves in steel cage matches, deathmatches with explosions, hell in a cell or even the elimination chamber. I don't need the stupid idea of needing the Underground title to prove I'm a vicious son of a bitch, I can do it where Kim's too scared of releasing herself out of a box, I will go for the SCW title because I've only had one shot here and I think the whole earn a title shot is bullshit and outdated in this day and age of wrestling.”
I chuckled myself on the idea I had which was revolutionary and I laughed thinking about the clusterfuck beat down I saw. Seeing how weak and pathetic these idiots are.
Konrad Raab: “All of you were lucky I was banned from being on Breakdown last week because I would've given you a beat down that none of you would even get up from. You all were weak sons of bitches that couldn't even fight properly, except for Datura and Ducky. I would've given a beat down that nobody can get up from. But I did do fighting that night, in a legalised MMA fighting scene and enjoyed every minute pounding my opponent's fucking head in to collect his blood and that is the aim for this match, not just to win a poxy title shot, but to eliminate all of you with weapons in a creative way that Kim I doubt will even do to win the match.”
I had a few more words as I loved smelling blood on the windows and the walls, I even loved to hear screams, imagining me breaking their fucking bones. I licked my lips before finishing this off once and for all. I know what I said about fighting in a legalised MMA fight was bullshit, but who's gonna know if I'm telling the truth or not anyway?
Konrad Raab: “I will get that explosion deathmatch against Selena Frost who's been a fluke champion. Everyone is sick of her boring dominance that someone like me can knock a few pegs down because she's scared of being evil. Scared of bending the rules like a good puppet she is to Shaun Cruze because she's just as weak as that punk kid Owen Lee is. Nobody is more violent than me and nobody will end up being better than me. It's not about the last person to win bullshit, it's survival in my world and people will be so blooded and fucked up that you will remember me doing creative things in the rumble to be eliminated by a chair or a barbed wire on the plank of wood."
I took a bit more of a breather as I loved my idea of what I aim to do in the rumble and nothing will change the ideas I have.
Konrad Raab: "I will do anything to win that match and that will involve blood and pain you all will receive from me and then we'll see who the toughest bitch will be when I eliminate not everyone but those who deserve it and those I have left to carve their blooded skin up, pouring with blood, having their names next to the ones I've collected on my board. Prepare to be Iceinated by The Ice Blood when I'll be the last survivor of the Taking Hold Of Hardcore Flame rumble, beating the living shit out of all of you that deserve it with so much anger I have, I won't be able to restrain myself.”
There it was, the final ceiling as I got myself up, with an intense look on my face at the camera and pressed the button to switch the camera off.
2020
