Post by brandonbrown on Jul 25, 2009 22:13:53 GMT -5
(The scene comes in on the Brown home. Our resident noob, Banky, is rocking out to some old grunge music when Brandon walks into the room.)
Brandon: I got a paper cut on my thumb and it hurts like a bitch. (Sees Banky jumping around in a flannel shirt singing some Nirvana.) What the hell are you doing?
Banky: I’m listening to Nirvana.
Brandon: Nirvana helped the downfall of the music industry. Grunge music made songs all depressing and no fun. Plus their popularity soared because that Cobain guy killed himself. They are easily the most overrated band of all time.
Banky: That’s nonsense. I bet you have never even listened to them before. You are still stuck in the 80s listening to those stupid hair bands.
Brandon: This coming from a guy wearing flannel. The 80s were all about fun. Kickass songs and the fucking power ballad. It was awesome.
Banky: You barely lived in the 80s.
Brandon: Yeah, you were like three when Nirvana came around.
Banky: Seriously, listen to some Nirvana. I’ll put Smells Like Teen Spirit on.
(Banky puts Smells Like Teen Spirit on and they listen to the song for the next few minutes.)
Banky: What do you thing?
Brandon: Wow, I have been lied to all these years.
Banky: See.
Brandon: Yeah, I always thought the first words to that song were “Self High Five”. Turns out that was all a lie. I guess you learn something new every day.
Banky: Unbelievable.
Brandon: I’ll tell you what’s unbelievable. That fat bastard hasn’t returned my fucking Batmobile yet. If he damages it, I swear I will kill him.
Banky: Where did you get that Batmobile anyway?
Brandon: Well, you can find that out by ordering season 1 of The Browns coming to DVD and Blu-ray very soon. The cover art is not yet available yet though. You can also go through old promos in the GIW Official Role Play Board or in the GIW Archives.
Banky: That sounds like too much work for me.
Brandon: That is why you fail. You will never be a successful wrestler if you don’t want to work. I had to work through tough times to get to where I was. It was also tough getting back here. I had to go through a lot when I left GIW for awhile.
Banky: Like what?
Brandon: I’m not in the flashback mood right now so you will have to wait. I’m actually more concerned with how I’m going to get my Batmobile back.
Banky: Don’t you have a GIW Tag Team Championship Match to worry about.
Brandon: That I do. Luckily, I have brushed up on my Halo skills lately. I’ve been killing the Covenant left and right. A couple of plasma grenades here and some shotgun blasts there. In all seriousness, I’m mentally ready to beat….uh….
Banky: Raenius and Dirge.
Brandon: Yeah, those guys. My partner and I will kick those two guys straight to hell. My teammate is probably in super training mode right now. With him on my side, my team will be unbeatable.
Banky: You forgot who your teammate was.
Brandon: Yeah.
Banky: Alex Kiseragi.
Brandon: He’s good. I should be in good shape. He does all his cool karate moves. We should make a good team even if we’ve had issues in the past.
Banky: We’ll see.
Brandon: You don’t believe me. We’ll make an excellent team. His awesome Japanese karate martial arts maneuvers and my Power Ranger like moves will easily defeat the Covenant.
(An alarm goes off.)
Banky: What is that?
Brandon: That’s my alarm that tells me when Big B has been located. I guess it finally found him.
(Brandon plays a few notes on his piano and a room opens up.)
Banky: How much does GIW pay you?
Brandon: Not nearly enough. Follow me, we have a fat guy to find.
(Banky follows Brandon down into his own personal Batcave.)
Banky: You are fucking crazy.
Brandon: I’m rich. They call us eccentric.
Banky: I thought you said GIW didn’t pay you enough.
Brandon: They don’t.
Banky: Then where did you get the money to do all this stuff and why didn’t you share it with the rest of the family?
Brandon: I made a money deal with Oprah. 10 Billion dollars on her part and no more superkicking her on my part. I found it to be a fair trade. As for why I don’t share it with the family, you’re a bunch of hillbilly idiots. You wouldn’t have any idea how to use this kind of money. You’d probably my more flannel.
Banky: I like my flannel.
Brandon: Well, you suck.
(Brandon walks up to his giant computer screen.)
Brandon: Computer, show me where Big B is.
(The screen shows the Batmobile parked in front of the Staples Center.)
Brandon: I should have known he would still be mourning Michael Jackson’s death. On another note, GIW presents Toxic Intent live from the Staples Center in Los Angeles, California. This Sunday, July 12, 2009. Call your local cable or satellite provider to order.
Banky: Who are you talking to?
Brandon: The fans watching at home.
Banky: Okay. Hey, what exactly is Toxic Intent?
Brandon: A stupid pay per view where I lost the GIW Championship for the first time.
Banky: Seriously, what does it mean?
Brandon: I have no clue. Let me think about it. I got it. In Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan, Jason drowns this douchebag principal of a character in a thing of toxic waste. So I guess Jason had intent to toxic the guy. I think Jason also gets killed with toxic waste in that one. Then you get that weird Jason Goes to Hell movie where he is like a worm or something. It’s a messed up movie.
Banky: I was never allowed to watch R rated movies when I grew up. I’m never seen anything like that.
Brandon: You see what I have to work with. Wait, the Batmobile is starting to move. We’re going to have to track this down.
Banky: Sweet. Do you have another Batmobile like your Tumbler? Do you have the old school one from the Tim Burton movie.
Brandon: No, Big B has my only Batmobile but we have something just as cool. Just watch this.
(Brandon pushes a button and from underneath the ground comes a vehicle that’s covered.)
Banky: What awesome vehicle do you have under the cover?
(Brandon takes off the cover.)
Brandon: A DeLorean.
Banky: A DeLorean?
Brandon: Don’t diss the DeLorean. You get this thing up to 88 miles per hour and you’re going to see some serious shit. Get in. We have a Batmobile to catch.
(Brandon and Banky get in the DeLorean and head out.)
Brandon: There it is. We should be able to catch it.
Banky: What the hell is this?
Brandon: That’s the flux capacitor and that’s the time circuits. I have those shut off right now because we don’t accidentally want to time travel.
Banky: This thing time travels.
Brandon: Of course it does. Did you ever watch Back to the Future? It wasn’t rated R.
Banky: No. That movie is from the 80s. It’s probably dumb.
Brandon: Kids these days don’t know nothing.
Banky: I’m like four years younger than you.
Brandon: They know nothing.
(Brandon starts laughing.)
Banky: What’s so funny?
Brandon: GIW used to have a wrestler that time traveled. He said he was from the future. I never bought it.
Banky: So how do you plan to stop a Batmobile with a DeLorean?
Brandon: Like this.
(Brandon presses a button that sends Banky launching out of the DeLorean. Banky lands on the Batmobile. The Batmobile loses control and crashes.)
Brandon: Big B is so paying for that.
(Brandon stops the DeLorean and he gets out to check the wreckage. Banky is motionless on the ground. A cop at the scene comes running over to the wreckage.)
Brandon: Somebody get some help.
Cop: Alright. We have a man down.
Brandon: Not for him. My fucking Batmobile. Look at the damage on it.
Cop: This vehicle is yours, sir.
Brandon: Yeah, this asshole stole it.
(Christopher Walken comes out of the Batmobile.)
Cop: Christopher Walken stole your Batmobile?
Brandon: Christopher Walken? How did you get my Batmobile?
Walken: Your Batmobile? I bought this fair and square.
Brandon: Did you buy it from a heavy set black man?
Walken: That, I did.
Brandon: I’m going to kill him. Walken, the heavy set black man stole the Batmobile from me.
Cop: Where on earth do you get a Batmobile and a DeLorean for that matter?
Brandon: Watch Season 1 of The Browns. As for the DeLorean, Home Shopping Network.
Cop: I’m afraid I’m going to have to take you guys all in for questioning. That poor boy there has to get some hospital care soon.
Brandon: I’m not going to jail. You see this. (Brandon pulls out a Neuralyzer and some sunglasses.)
Cop: Is that one of those things from the Men in Black films?
(Brandon flashes it and the cop stands still.)
Brandon: You did not just see a DeLorean chasing a Batmobile. You also didn’t see Christopher Walken in a Batmobile. You are going to go home and make love to your wife.
Walken: It’s a good thing I was wearing sunglasses.
Brandon: Yeah, can I see those.
Walken: Sure.
(He gives Brandon his sunglasses.)
Brandon: How much did you pay Big B for this? I’ll try and pay you back.
Walken: One Million dollars.
(Brandon flashes the Neuralyzer.)
Brandon: A fat black guy never sold you a Batmobile You will now help make love to the cop’s wife.
(The Cop and Christopher Walken leave.)
Brandon: It’s a funny world we live in. Banky, are you good enough to drive the DeLorean?
(Banky is still out.)
Brandon: No. Damn. I guess I’ll just latch the DeLorean onto the Batmobile.
(Brandon gets the Batmobile and DeLorean ready.)
Brandon: Wait until I see Big B, he’s going to have to pay for these damages. I’m really pissed off right now. Those Covenant guys better watch out at Toxic Intent. I’m in my fighting mode now. Alex Kiseragi and I will take those GIW Tag Team Titles. I will finally be a champion again. It’s going to be awesome.
(Banky coughs up some blood.)
Brandon: I should probably get him to the hospital.
(Scene ends.)
Brandon: I got a paper cut on my thumb and it hurts like a bitch. (Sees Banky jumping around in a flannel shirt singing some Nirvana.) What the hell are you doing?
Banky: I’m listening to Nirvana.
Brandon: Nirvana helped the downfall of the music industry. Grunge music made songs all depressing and no fun. Plus their popularity soared because that Cobain guy killed himself. They are easily the most overrated band of all time.
Banky: That’s nonsense. I bet you have never even listened to them before. You are still stuck in the 80s listening to those stupid hair bands.
Brandon: This coming from a guy wearing flannel. The 80s were all about fun. Kickass songs and the fucking power ballad. It was awesome.
Banky: You barely lived in the 80s.
Brandon: Yeah, you were like three when Nirvana came around.
Banky: Seriously, listen to some Nirvana. I’ll put Smells Like Teen Spirit on.
(Banky puts Smells Like Teen Spirit on and they listen to the song for the next few minutes.)
Banky: What do you thing?
Brandon: Wow, I have been lied to all these years.
Banky: See.
Brandon: Yeah, I always thought the first words to that song were “Self High Five”. Turns out that was all a lie. I guess you learn something new every day.
Banky: Unbelievable.
Brandon: I’ll tell you what’s unbelievable. That fat bastard hasn’t returned my fucking Batmobile yet. If he damages it, I swear I will kill him.
Banky: Where did you get that Batmobile anyway?
Brandon: Well, you can find that out by ordering season 1 of The Browns coming to DVD and Blu-ray very soon. The cover art is not yet available yet though. You can also go through old promos in the GIW Official Role Play Board or in the GIW Archives.
Banky: That sounds like too much work for me.
Brandon: That is why you fail. You will never be a successful wrestler if you don’t want to work. I had to work through tough times to get to where I was. It was also tough getting back here. I had to go through a lot when I left GIW for awhile.
Banky: Like what?
Brandon: I’m not in the flashback mood right now so you will have to wait. I’m actually more concerned with how I’m going to get my Batmobile back.
Banky: Don’t you have a GIW Tag Team Championship Match to worry about.
Brandon: That I do. Luckily, I have brushed up on my Halo skills lately. I’ve been killing the Covenant left and right. A couple of plasma grenades here and some shotgun blasts there. In all seriousness, I’m mentally ready to beat….uh….
Banky: Raenius and Dirge.
Brandon: Yeah, those guys. My partner and I will kick those two guys straight to hell. My teammate is probably in super training mode right now. With him on my side, my team will be unbeatable.
Banky: You forgot who your teammate was.
Brandon: Yeah.
Banky: Alex Kiseragi.
Brandon: He’s good. I should be in good shape. He does all his cool karate moves. We should make a good team even if we’ve had issues in the past.
Banky: We’ll see.
Brandon: You don’t believe me. We’ll make an excellent team. His awesome Japanese karate martial arts maneuvers and my Power Ranger like moves will easily defeat the Covenant.
(An alarm goes off.)
Banky: What is that?
Brandon: That’s my alarm that tells me when Big B has been located. I guess it finally found him.
(Brandon plays a few notes on his piano and a room opens up.)
Banky: How much does GIW pay you?
Brandon: Not nearly enough. Follow me, we have a fat guy to find.
(Banky follows Brandon down into his own personal Batcave.)
Banky: You are fucking crazy.
Brandon: I’m rich. They call us eccentric.
Banky: I thought you said GIW didn’t pay you enough.
Brandon: They don’t.
Banky: Then where did you get the money to do all this stuff and why didn’t you share it with the rest of the family?
Brandon: I made a money deal with Oprah. 10 Billion dollars on her part and no more superkicking her on my part. I found it to be a fair trade. As for why I don’t share it with the family, you’re a bunch of hillbilly idiots. You wouldn’t have any idea how to use this kind of money. You’d probably my more flannel.
Banky: I like my flannel.
Brandon: Well, you suck.
(Brandon walks up to his giant computer screen.)
Brandon: Computer, show me where Big B is.
(The screen shows the Batmobile parked in front of the Staples Center.)
Brandon: I should have known he would still be mourning Michael Jackson’s death. On another note, GIW presents Toxic Intent live from the Staples Center in Los Angeles, California. This Sunday, July 12, 2009. Call your local cable or satellite provider to order.
Banky: Who are you talking to?
Brandon: The fans watching at home.
Banky: Okay. Hey, what exactly is Toxic Intent?
Brandon: A stupid pay per view where I lost the GIW Championship for the first time.
Banky: Seriously, what does it mean?
Brandon: I have no clue. Let me think about it. I got it. In Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan, Jason drowns this douchebag principal of a character in a thing of toxic waste. So I guess Jason had intent to toxic the guy. I think Jason also gets killed with toxic waste in that one. Then you get that weird Jason Goes to Hell movie where he is like a worm or something. It’s a messed up movie.
Banky: I was never allowed to watch R rated movies when I grew up. I’m never seen anything like that.
Brandon: You see what I have to work with. Wait, the Batmobile is starting to move. We’re going to have to track this down.
Banky: Sweet. Do you have another Batmobile like your Tumbler? Do you have the old school one from the Tim Burton movie.
Brandon: No, Big B has my only Batmobile but we have something just as cool. Just watch this.
(Brandon pushes a button and from underneath the ground comes a vehicle that’s covered.)
Banky: What awesome vehicle do you have under the cover?
(Brandon takes off the cover.)
Brandon: A DeLorean.
Banky: A DeLorean?
Brandon: Don’t diss the DeLorean. You get this thing up to 88 miles per hour and you’re going to see some serious shit. Get in. We have a Batmobile to catch.
(Brandon and Banky get in the DeLorean and head out.)
Brandon: There it is. We should be able to catch it.
Banky: What the hell is this?
Brandon: That’s the flux capacitor and that’s the time circuits. I have those shut off right now because we don’t accidentally want to time travel.
Banky: This thing time travels.
Brandon: Of course it does. Did you ever watch Back to the Future? It wasn’t rated R.
Banky: No. That movie is from the 80s. It’s probably dumb.
Brandon: Kids these days don’t know nothing.
Banky: I’m like four years younger than you.
Brandon: They know nothing.
(Brandon starts laughing.)
Banky: What’s so funny?
Brandon: GIW used to have a wrestler that time traveled. He said he was from the future. I never bought it.
Banky: So how do you plan to stop a Batmobile with a DeLorean?
Brandon: Like this.
(Brandon presses a button that sends Banky launching out of the DeLorean. Banky lands on the Batmobile. The Batmobile loses control and crashes.)
Brandon: Big B is so paying for that.
(Brandon stops the DeLorean and he gets out to check the wreckage. Banky is motionless on the ground. A cop at the scene comes running over to the wreckage.)
Brandon: Somebody get some help.
Cop: Alright. We have a man down.
Brandon: Not for him. My fucking Batmobile. Look at the damage on it.
Cop: This vehicle is yours, sir.
Brandon: Yeah, this asshole stole it.
(Christopher Walken comes out of the Batmobile.)
Cop: Christopher Walken stole your Batmobile?
Brandon: Christopher Walken? How did you get my Batmobile?
Walken: Your Batmobile? I bought this fair and square.
Brandon: Did you buy it from a heavy set black man?
Walken: That, I did.
Brandon: I’m going to kill him. Walken, the heavy set black man stole the Batmobile from me.
Cop: Where on earth do you get a Batmobile and a DeLorean for that matter?
Brandon: Watch Season 1 of The Browns. As for the DeLorean, Home Shopping Network.
Cop: I’m afraid I’m going to have to take you guys all in for questioning. That poor boy there has to get some hospital care soon.
Brandon: I’m not going to jail. You see this. (Brandon pulls out a Neuralyzer and some sunglasses.)
Cop: Is that one of those things from the Men in Black films?
(Brandon flashes it and the cop stands still.)
Brandon: You did not just see a DeLorean chasing a Batmobile. You also didn’t see Christopher Walken in a Batmobile. You are going to go home and make love to your wife.
Walken: It’s a good thing I was wearing sunglasses.
Brandon: Yeah, can I see those.
Walken: Sure.
(He gives Brandon his sunglasses.)
Brandon: How much did you pay Big B for this? I’ll try and pay you back.
Walken: One Million dollars.
(Brandon flashes the Neuralyzer.)
Brandon: A fat black guy never sold you a Batmobile You will now help make love to the cop’s wife.
(The Cop and Christopher Walken leave.)
Brandon: It’s a funny world we live in. Banky, are you good enough to drive the DeLorean?
(Banky is still out.)
Brandon: No. Damn. I guess I’ll just latch the DeLorean onto the Batmobile.
(Brandon gets the Batmobile and DeLorean ready.)
Brandon: Wait until I see Big B, he’s going to have to pay for these damages. I’m really pissed off right now. Those Covenant guys better watch out at Toxic Intent. I’m in my fighting mode now. Alex Kiseragi and I will take those GIW Tag Team Titles. I will finally be a champion again. It’s going to be awesome.
(Banky coughs up some blood.)
Brandon: I should probably get him to the hospital.
(Scene ends.)