Post by Lord Hastings on Jul 30, 2009 20:09:40 GMT -5
Donovan is pacing in the NiggaCave as Peterson comes in. Peterson glances at him but avoids eye contact.
Hastings: You're here! I've been waiting for you.
Peterson winces.
Hastings: I've been thinking about what you said last week.
Peterson looks at him.
Peterson: Okay?
Hastings: How's this sound...my name is Donovan Hastings, and I'm a mighty pirate!
Peterson: You're really thinking about doing that?
Hastings: A mighty pirate, Niglet!
Peterson: The dressing the part aspect is kind of key. Right now you look more like a flooring inspector.
Hastings: Nevermind that! We shall test people, we shall...by way of the three trials!
Peterson: Er...and what three trials are those?
Hastings: Those that would join us must master the sword, the art of thievery, and the quest!
Peterson: The quest?
Hastings: Treasure huntin', ya sea urchin!
Peterson: Right. And once people have proven themselves in each of these three areas...swordplay, thievery, and, er, treasure huntery...what then?
Hastings: Then they shall drink grog with us!
Donovan thrusts his hands in the air, dramatically.
Peterson: Grog?
Hastings: It's a secret mixture that contains one or more of the following: kerosene, propylene glycol, artificial sweeteners, sulphuric acid, rum, acetone, red dye #2, axle grease, battery acid, and/or pepperoni.
Peterson: What in blazes are you even talking about?
Hastings: Now, we will engage in the sword fight.
Peterson: I think I'd rather not.
Donovan goes into the closet and comes out with two plastic swords. He tosses one to Peterson.
Hastings: My name is Donovan Hastings. Prepare to die!
Peterson: Oh, boy.
Hastings: You fight like a dairy farmer!
Peterson: Okay?
Hastings: No! No, no, no. The correct response to "You fight like a dairy farmer" is "How appropriate, you fight like a cow." C'mon, now!
They clank swords a few times.
Hastings: You make me want to puke!
Peterson: I'm sorry?
Hastings: Play along, fool! Tell me that I make you think someone already did.
Peterson: You make me thing someone already did?
Hastings: There ya go.
They clank swords a few times.
Hastings: Your turn.
Peterson: Pardon?
Hastings: Insult me, Niglet!
Peterson: Um...soon you'll be wearing my sword like a shish kabob!
Hastings: First you better stop waving it like a feather-duster.
They clank swords a few times.
Hastings: I got this scar on my face in a mighty struggle!
Peterson: Maybe now you'll learn to stop picking your nose.
Hastings: Ooh, good one!
They clank swords a few times.
Hastings: You're no match for my brains, you poor fool!
Peterson: I am rubber, you are glue?
Donovan swings his sword and knocks Peterson's out of his hands.
Hastings: Ha! Victory is mine!
Peterson: Can we stop now?
Hastings: Owen. This was YOUR idea.
Peterson: Are we really going to do this?
Donovan smiles, and Peterson smiles back, but after a moment Donovan scowls.
Hastings: No! Fantastic flying fucks, no. It's the second dumbest idea I've ever heard. You'd have me prancing around like a fool? Talking nonsense out my ass?
Peterson: I wanted to make sure you felt comfortable.
Hastings: Listen close, Niglet. The focus now is on No Holds Barred and Dredd. We get through Sentinel and this four way, and everything works in our favor with that. We show Dredd what he has in store for him at No Holds Barred. We punish Gabrielle one more time, because it can never be done enough. We remind Roberts that he wants to be my partner, not my enemy. Then I go to No Holds Barred and become the #1 Contender to the Undisputed Global Heavyweight Title. Nothing else matters, you got that?
Peterson: Are you sure?
Hastings: The second dumbest idea I've ever heard, yeah I'm fucking sure.
Peterson: No...are you sure that nothing else matters?
Donovan stares at him for several seconds.
Hastings: Out. Now. Go get me a soda or something.
Peterson nods his head and walks out. Donovan looks at the plastic sword, still in his hand, and flings it against the wall. He stares at the ceiling as the scene fades out...
Hastings: You're here! I've been waiting for you.
Peterson winces.
Hastings: I've been thinking about what you said last week.
Peterson looks at him.
Peterson: Okay?
Hastings: How's this sound...my name is Donovan Hastings, and I'm a mighty pirate!
Peterson: You're really thinking about doing that?
Hastings: A mighty pirate, Niglet!
Peterson: The dressing the part aspect is kind of key. Right now you look more like a flooring inspector.
Hastings: Nevermind that! We shall test people, we shall...by way of the three trials!
Peterson: Er...and what three trials are those?
Hastings: Those that would join us must master the sword, the art of thievery, and the quest!
Peterson: The quest?
Hastings: Treasure huntin', ya sea urchin!
Peterson: Right. And once people have proven themselves in each of these three areas...swordplay, thievery, and, er, treasure huntery...what then?
Hastings: Then they shall drink grog with us!
Donovan thrusts his hands in the air, dramatically.
Peterson: Grog?
Hastings: It's a secret mixture that contains one or more of the following: kerosene, propylene glycol, artificial sweeteners, sulphuric acid, rum, acetone, red dye #2, axle grease, battery acid, and/or pepperoni.
Peterson: What in blazes are you even talking about?
Hastings: Now, we will engage in the sword fight.
Peterson: I think I'd rather not.
Donovan goes into the closet and comes out with two plastic swords. He tosses one to Peterson.
Hastings: My name is Donovan Hastings. Prepare to die!
Peterson: Oh, boy.
Hastings: You fight like a dairy farmer!
Peterson: Okay?
Hastings: No! No, no, no. The correct response to "You fight like a dairy farmer" is "How appropriate, you fight like a cow." C'mon, now!
They clank swords a few times.
Hastings: You make me want to puke!
Peterson: I'm sorry?
Hastings: Play along, fool! Tell me that I make you think someone already did.
Peterson: You make me thing someone already did?
Hastings: There ya go.
They clank swords a few times.
Hastings: Your turn.
Peterson: Pardon?
Hastings: Insult me, Niglet!
Peterson: Um...soon you'll be wearing my sword like a shish kabob!
Hastings: First you better stop waving it like a feather-duster.
They clank swords a few times.
Hastings: I got this scar on my face in a mighty struggle!
Peterson: Maybe now you'll learn to stop picking your nose.
Hastings: Ooh, good one!
They clank swords a few times.
Hastings: You're no match for my brains, you poor fool!
Peterson: I am rubber, you are glue?
Donovan swings his sword and knocks Peterson's out of his hands.
Hastings: Ha! Victory is mine!
Peterson: Can we stop now?
Hastings: Owen. This was YOUR idea.
Peterson: Are we really going to do this?
Donovan smiles, and Peterson smiles back, but after a moment Donovan scowls.
Hastings: No! Fantastic flying fucks, no. It's the second dumbest idea I've ever heard. You'd have me prancing around like a fool? Talking nonsense out my ass?
Peterson: I wanted to make sure you felt comfortable.
Hastings: Listen close, Niglet. The focus now is on No Holds Barred and Dredd. We get through Sentinel and this four way, and everything works in our favor with that. We show Dredd what he has in store for him at No Holds Barred. We punish Gabrielle one more time, because it can never be done enough. We remind Roberts that he wants to be my partner, not my enemy. Then I go to No Holds Barred and become the #1 Contender to the Undisputed Global Heavyweight Title. Nothing else matters, you got that?
Peterson: Are you sure?
Hastings: The second dumbest idea I've ever heard, yeah I'm fucking sure.
Peterson: No...are you sure that nothing else matters?
Donovan stares at him for several seconds.
Hastings: Out. Now. Go get me a soda or something.
Peterson nods his head and walks out. Donovan looks at the plastic sword, still in his hand, and flings it against the wall. He stares at the ceiling as the scene fades out...
