Chill #4 Results

[Jet Somers]

Complete darkness engulfs the area, as the entire crowd breaks into cheers. A spotlight flickers to life, blue in color, shining directly on the letter “U”. As the opening strains of Breaking Benjamin’s “Red Cold River” begin to play, a fog of CO2 begins to drift around the letter “U”, before more spotlights flicker to life, subsequently showcasing the letters “G”, “W”, and finally, “C”. At the scream of “RUN”, blue flames fire up from the stage, the word “Chill” appearing, emblazoned in black across the company letters. As pyrotechnics begin going off at the stage area, the announce table camera feed comes to life, showing from left to right, Aaron Reese, ‘The Drunken Buzzsaw’ Chaos, and finally, Daniel Hanson.



Reese: Welcome to Chill #4!! Tonight we’re on the heels of Outlast 2018, and what a shocking show that was!



Chaos: You were shocked that there was a scheme in the main event of Outlast? Fuck, you are new here.



Hanson: Who cares? The only person who got screwed was Zane Scott.



Chaos: And we have to deal with at least another four weeks of Alan fuckin’ Wallace as World Champ as a result. I’m already bored with it.



Reese: Indeed, ‘Vain’ pulled off what some have considered impossible in the past, defending successfully at the Outlast event.



Hanson: Outlast’s draft-team nature forces people to cross boundaries and creates alliances we might not see otherwise… but it can also create hard feelings between teammates who don’t make it all the way.



Reese: It’s going to be interesting to see what spins out from Outlast, and don’t forget, next Synergy is officially the first stop on the Road to Horizons!



Chaos: Speaking of teammates who didn’t make it, tonight in our main event, Kenzi Grey-Lacklan will be looking to have Magdalena Lockheart answer for being the only member of that team that advanced.



Reese: Are you implying there are hard feelings there?



Hanson: Kenzi doesn’t strike me as the type to hold a grudge like that. She and Maggie have been singing each other’s praises on Twitter.



Chaos: Look, when wifey ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy, and I know Sarah wasn’t happy about her ‘beloved’ being snatched up and bypassed by Maggie while she had herself had to watch Lucy Wylde and Kem Dynamo advance in her own match.



Reese: It does seem like the Grey-Lacklan household might have been in low spirits over the past week when you look at it that way, so perhaps if Kenzi can take that win back from “The Future” tonight, all will be well again.



Hanson: Are you both going to just gloss over the fact that they might have had other things on their minds besides Outlast? Like how Sarah can’t--



Chaos: HRM-hrm, moving on.



Reese: Yes, better we not discuss subjects that neither one of us are equipped to fathom. Our other match tonight will feature Sarah herself as she takes on the returning Cynric the Crusader!



Chaos: Oh god... I’ve had my fill of both of these shitstains this weekend…



Hanson: Who did you guys decide on, by the way?



Chaos: Ichabod is still deliberating with Jay. I threw my hands up and walked out of his office hours ago.



Reese: It came to light last week that both Sarah and Cynric had somehow been left off the standard playable roster for UGWC 2K19, and that it would be up to Ichabod, Chaos, and Jay which of them would be included in the Chill DLC to be released mid-October!



Hanson: Do you think the way their match shapes up will have any influence on the decision?



Chaos: Fuck if I know. At this point I wouldn’t argue if Ichy just said fuck it and dropped them both.



Hanson: Any other matches on the card?



Reese: Just the two this time around.



Chaos: Apparently, interest in Chill is sort of low right now.



~beat~



Reese: Let’s get to the first match!

[Jet Somers]

A lone spotlight shines on the stage as the strumming of a guitar fills the arena. Chauncey the Bard parades out onto the stage smiling proudly out at the crowd as his hands move quickly over the strings of his ever-present lute.



We're the ship without a storm

The cold without the warm

Light inside the darkness

That it needs, yeah



He continues to strum giving the impression that the music is coming from his lute, mouth moving as if it is his voice projecting throughout the arena. Lighters appear amid the crowd, flames dancing as the people start to sway.



We're a laugh without tear

The hope without the fear

We are coming--



HOME!



As the last word is growled out and held, white lights begin to flash on the stage, the placid expression on the Bard's face changing to one of determination and ambition as Cynric the Crusader steps out from the backstage area taking the stance of knights of old, standing clothed in shadow until the lights land on his proud and straight countenance. He reaches up and deftly unfastens a golden cape clasped at his throat, tossing it back and to the floor defiantly.



We're off to the witch

We may never, never, never, come home

But the magic that we'll feel

Is worth the lifetime



Cynric stares nobly out at the crowd as Chauncey the Bard moves about the stage, playing the lute and moving his lips with the song for all he's worth.



We're all born upon the cross

We're the throw before the toss

You can release yourself

But the only way is DOOOOOOOWN



As “down” drags out, Cynric starts to make his way slowly down the ramp, giving a “hail fellow, well-met” smile and wave to the crowd, Chauncey following behind him and playing his lute as though it were an electric guitar, throwing up hex signs at intervals.



We don't come alone

We are fire, we are stone

We're the hand that writes

Then quickly moves away



Cynric continues his journey down to the ring, interacting with the crowd as Chauncey dramatically enacts the lyrics behind him.



We'll know for the first time

If we're evil or divine

We're the last in line, yeah

We're the last in line



Cynric stops before the ring, staring up at it with hands closed into fists and pressed into his side. He studies the structure with a look of proud determination on his handsome countenance as Chauncey falls back into the crowd, singing along with them, the crowd taking selfies with the Bard and throwing up hex signs.



Two eyes from the east

It's the angel or the beast

And the answer lies

Between the good and bad



We search for the truth

We could die upon the tooth

But the thrill of just the chase

Is worth the pain



Cynric finally moves about, delivering flourishes to those in the audience as he goes, scaling the steps to the ring with a grand gesture. He steps to the middle of the ring and performs a courtly bow to each direction of the arena, Chauncey dancing and leaping about outside the ring before scaling the ropes and sliding in to drop to his knees for an impressive all-out playing of the lute for the final bow.



We'll know for the first time

If we're evil or divine

We're the last in line, yeah

We're the last in line, oh



As the song fades out, Cynric calmly and precisely begins to roll the sleeves of his flowing shirt up, Chauncey sliding to the outside to watch with eagerness.



Reese: We last saw Cynric in action at Outlast 2016 when he teamed with Alan Wallace, Ichabod, and Holden Orson against Dave Rydell, Donovan Hastings, Taylor Ryan, and Alex Stein.



Chaos: He probably should have followed the other seventy five percent of that team and retired. Holy shit, what a ghost.



Hanson: Are you ever not negative?



Chaos: Are you ever not a boring piece of shit?



Thompson: Introducing first, standing at five foot eleven inches, weighing in at 204, he hails from the whims of the Quest-Giver, Celeste Worth. Accompanied by Chauncey, the Bard, he is the Crusader, Cynric!






The lights go out as a red spotlight flashes down on the entrance area. Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata begins to play over the PA system and a body steps out onto the entrance ramp. Kenzi Grey, the sexiest valet in the history of all sporting events and WrestleStock Open Cup winner, is wearing a "Team Kickass" t-shirt and stands in the spotlight for a moment, but then moves out of the way and gestures for a hooded figure to step forward. Sarah throws back her hood to show the white face and red eyes of the Blood Princess. They make their way down the isle with the red spotlight following them as the rest of the arena stays dark. When they come to the ring they slide underneath the ropes and upon standing, Kenzi and Sarah stand nose to nose and are clearly on the verge of saying "F this!" and just having some kind of public sex event instead of the match. But cooler heads prevail and Kenzi helps Sarah remove her robe to show the green and black skin-tight bodysuit beneath.



Reese: Sarah on officially signed on as a Chill competitor, but she’s been making waves on Synergy since she re-debuted.



Chaos: She’s one half of Team Kickass, and until two weeks ago they were the UGWC Cooperative Champions.



Hanson: Somewhat of an upset, considering they beat out Jet Somers and Eden Morgan, what was supposed to be an unstoppable dream team.



Chaos: Sarah had the right of it, though. Team Kickass didn’t tear the champions down so much as they tore themselves down.



Reese: I think the Legion of Interns might disagree with you there, Chaos.



Chaos: I don’t give a shit about how the Twitter hounds might spin it.



Hanson: Yeah Aaron, don’t talk bad about his buddy Jet or he’ll get really defensive, hey!



Chaos reached down and grabbed the leg of the chair Daniel was sitting in and flipped it over, spilling him backwards out of it.



Thompson: And her opponent, standing at five foot two inches, weighing in at 125 pounds, and currently residing in Beverly Hills, California, she is the Red Queen and the Firestarter, please welcome Sarah Selena Grey-Lacklan!



Reese: There’s the bell!



Chaos: This should be an excellent clash of styles. Sarah hates what she calls ‘that flippy shit,’ and Cynric is well versed in it.



Collar and elbow tie up starts us off, and Sarah steps through with an early kimura, but Cynric flips over the hold and sweeps her legs from under her. Sarah turns this into an armdrag, but Cynric rolls through and hits the ropes, spinning for an aerial crossbody. He lands it, but Sarah scoots away in the bounce and kips back up. Rolls over his back, tries for a Fujiwara armbar, but Cynric leaps up for a headscissor takedown. Both back to their feet quickly, and Sarah ducks a flying lariat, grabbing the ropes nearby as Cynric flies toward them.



Reese: Cynric spills over the ropes into a tree of woe!



Chaos: Face paced action to start us off here, but I think Sarah’s about to slow it down!



She grabs his arm and yanks it back through the ropes, twisting them around so that his arm acts as a pivot point for the bottom and middle ropes to become entangled with each other. Legs over the top rope, Cynric is in a perilous position, and Sarah steps up onto the ropes, bouncing them to create more pressure on his twisted up arm! After a few moments she drops from the ropes and runs at the opposite side, sprinting back for a shining wizard through the ropes that knocks Cynric to the floor!



Hanson: Damn!



Chaos: Sarah showing a vicious side here as she’s fully in control.



She drops from the ring, grabbing Cynric and rolling him back into the ring. She leaps onto the apron, then leapfrogs over the ropes for an elbow drop, but Cynric rolls away and she only finds mat!



Reese: Miscalculated risk there.



Cynric back to his feet now as Sarah cradles her impacted elbow. He leaps onto the nearby turnbuckle, and it looks like we’re about to see a Holy Diver, but Cynric catches himself as Sarah moves away quickly. He wags his finger at her, but she runs at him. Cynric dives over for a massive sunset flip and the pin!





1…







2…









Hanson: Sarah kicks out!



Trying to keep up his advantage, Cynric gets quickly to his feet, then allows Sarah to get up before nailing her with a Pele kick! He returns to the turnbuckle, and hits a massive frog splash! Another pin:



1…







2…







Sarah gets out again, glaring at Craig White and yelling at him not to count so fast. He shrugs and backs off, hands up.



Reese: Sarah is still favoring that elbow, and that might be the key to Cynric pulling this one out, if he can capitalize.



Cynric is there suddenly, baseball sliding Sarah’s feet from under her! Quickly to his feet, and a springboard moonsault onto Grey-Lacklan! Cynric pulls Sarah up to her knees, then produces a satin glove from his belt. He raises it in his clenched fist and yells to the crowd:



Cynric: Huzzah!



Crowd: Huzzah!



He pats Sarah’s face with the glove, more a gesture than any kind of painful gesture.



Chaos: I’ve seen him slap the shit out of people with that glove. What gives?



Reese: Perhaps Cynric doesn’t want to besmirch the lady?



Chaos: Fuck that shit, did you see that shining wizard she hit him with earlier?



Cynric: Huzzah!



Crowd: Huzzah!



Another pat, then he raises the glove a third time.



Cynric: Huzz-



Sarah explodes to her feet with a roar, leaping up and wrapping herself around Cynric, dragging him down to the mat with her body weight.



Hanson: The Pigeonwing!



Cynric struggles to get free, but the enraged Sarah just cinches it in tighter, and finally he’s forced to tap out!



Thompson: Your winner, by submission, Sarah Selena Grey-Lacklan!



Reese: Cynric took too much time hyping up the crowd and play-acting with Sarah, and it cost him!



Chaos: Cynric, play-acting? I think not, sir.

Sarah: 7.35
Cynric: 7.18

[Jet Somers]

Reese: It seems like there’s some commotion going on backstage, let’s check it out!

The cameras switch to the General Manager’s office just as the door is slung open and Covert Jay is pushed out so violently that his towel comes half-unraveled.

Covert Jay: Wait, Ichabod, it’s not that bad of an idea!

Ichabod’s voice bellows from inside.

Ichabod: GET THE HELL OUT, YOU FUCKING CHOAD!

Jay quails and turns on his heel to dart away down the hallway, narrowly avoiding an ashtray that comes flying through the doorway and shatters against the wall.

Hanson: Wait, since when does Ichabod use an ashtray?

Chaos: He doesn’t. That’s why he didn’t need it.

[Jet Somers]

The deep heartbeat bass of Taylor Swift’s “Look What You Made Me Do” drops over the arena’s public announce speakers as the artist Magdalena Lockheart emerges from behind the curtain. Magdalena steps out into the center of an emerald spotlight wearing a long black dress. For a moment she stands at the top of the stage and applies a dark cherry lipstick to her lips with the aid of a pocket mirror. The ramp in front of her lights up like a model’s runway. Lockheart struts down the ramp as if she’s modeling the dress, pausing briefly at the bottom to pose while flashbulbs go off all around her.



Lockheart walks around the ring towards the camera side, moving all of the way to the southeast ringpost before pulling herself up onto the ring apron. She centers herself on the apron and stands facing the crowd.



But I got smarter, I got harder, In the knick of time.

And me I rose up from the dead I do it all the time.

I got a list of names, yours is in red underlined

I check it once, then I check it twice- Ooh!



Lockheart grabs her dress with both hands and on beat with the song, she rips the dress down the center! Another green spotlight shines straight down on her as glittering, sparkling confetti rains down from the ceiling onto the crowd. Flashes go off from all of the hungry cell phone cameras in attendance as Lockheart sheds the rest of her dress and reveals her slim waistline beneath. Lockheart pauses for a few moments to allow the crowd to snap more photographs before entering the ring.



Reese: This is going to be a straightjacket match!



Chaos: Is it too late to put Hanson in the match?



Hanson: Yes! Yes it is.



Reese: That means no disqualifications, and the winner will be the first person to lock her opponent into straightjacket!



Chaos: This oughta be good. Pass me that cooler behind your chair, Dan.



Hanson: You already finished a whole cooler?



Chaos: Shut the fuck up and get to passing.



Reese: Maggie made it all the way to the main event last week, and managed to outlast every other member of the roster before being eliminated by the Champion!



Chaos: It was a helluva performance, and it has to put her in the World Championship conversation.



Hanson: Bah, she failed to unseat Vain just like every other member of the roster.



Thompson: Introducing first, standing at five feet three inches tall, and weighing in at one-hundred and eleven pounds; from Inwood, New York - She is the FUTURE, the Artist known as MAGDALENA LOCKHEART!!!






“Gimme Your Applause” by Lady Gaga, Britney Spears, & Christina Aguilera begins to play as lightbulbs flash all through the arena. Kenzi Grey walks out with a confident smile for the fans. An explosion of pyro erupts as she strikes a pose for the cameras. Kenzi’s mother and manager, Sidney Grey walks out to a chorus of boos with her massive bodyguard Maxine, flanking Kenzi as they head to the ring. Kenzi ignores her mother as she heads down the aisle slapping the outstretched hands of the fans. Kenzi climbs onto the ring apron and pauses again for the flash of the cameras, as she kneels there with a smirk. She climbs the turnpost and gives the fans one more photo opportunity as she sits atop the turnbuckle, still blowing kisses and posing for the fans. She hops down, finally entering the ring as she readies herself for her opponent and her mother typically takes of residence at the announce table to talk up her daughter and annoy the commentators and fans.



Chaos: Kenzi Grey-Lacklan has had a rough few weeks.



Reese: Defeated by one friend for the Cooperative Championships, eliminated by another during Outlast, and of course domestic troubles, you can’t imagine Kenzi is in a great frame of mind tonight.



Hanson: Maybe if she listened to her mother more…



Chaos: How the hell do you figure Sidney Grey could have prevented any of the shit Kenzi’s been through lately?



Hanson: Just… ya know… karma.



Chaos: You’re saying one of the most respectable competitors we have is dealing with bad karma?



Hanson: Well, when you treat your mother like shit…



Chaos: Kenzi treats her mom like shit? Fuck outta here!



Thompson: And her opponent, standing at five foot two inches, weighing in at 136, she resides in Hollywood, California and represents the Circle Television Network. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Kenzi Grey-Lacklan!



Reese: We have a straightjacket laid on the announce table in front of us, gentlemen, and we’re ready to begin!



Kenzi comes right out of the gate with a diving clothesline, catching Maggie offguard and giving herself an opening to take early control of the match. She yanks Maggie back up and whips her into the ropes, catching her on the return with a back elbow. As Maggie staggers back, Kenzi catches her with a backbreaker.



Chaos: Kenzi looking to close this one down early as she slides out of the ring and makes her way toward us to retrieve the straight jacket.



Reese: But here comes Maggie with a desperation dive over the top rope, crashing into Kenzi from behind!



Maggie grabs Kenzi up and slings her into the apron, then nails her with a flying leg lariat! Maggie gets her hands on the straight jacket and immediately begins trying to wrap it around Kenzi. She’s got one arm in, but Kenzi hits a mule kick to break free. She yanks the jacket off and comes at Maggie with a dropkick, but Maggie fades away, leaving Kenzi to drop on the floor.



Hanson: Ha! Noob.



Chaos: Oh, you’re an expert on dropkicks?



Hanson: Of course. I’m a dropkick connoisseur.



Chaos: Dropkick me.



Hanson: What?



Chaos: Dropkick me. Right now. I’ll give you a freebie. Hell, I’ll give you a Chadweiser if you land it.



Hanson: Er… I’ve got a stomach cramp…



Maggie is ready to take the match up a notch, as she flips up the ring apron and drags out a table. The Chill crowd is hyping up as she sets the table up at ringside. Maggie drags Kenzi up and drapes her over the table, laying in a series of forearm shots to keep Kenzi down. She rolls her up onto the table, then climbs up on the apron.



Reese: She’s got Kenzi facedown, could she be going for the Lacrimosa on the table?



Chaos: Doesn’t matter, because Kenzi just sat up, and she grabs Maggie for a powerbomb through the table!!



Kenzi’s got the jacket now, and she starts wrapping it around Maggie, reaching down to try to force Maggie’s arms through. Maggie starts to come around, but Kenzi rolls over with a quick blockbuster. Hurrying to get behind Maggie again, Kenzi grabs the straps and slides into the ring, dragging Maggie in with her. She whips her into the ropes, and on the return attempts a Breakout Performance, but Maggie whips her arms around, wrapping Kenzi up midair. As she does the straps on her arms whip around them both, tying them up momentarily.



Reese: What’s going through her mind?



Hanson: I can see things getting really creative with that jacket.



Chaos: Seriously… I think I need to introduce Xandy to one…



Hanson: Gross!



Chaos: I KNOW you didn’t just refer to my old lady as gross.



Hanson: No, no, she’s very attractive!



Chaos: What!



Hanson: Oh god…



Maggie uses her entanglement whip trade places with Kenzi and sling her into the corner. She lets go in time to let Kenzi’s momentum drag the straightjacket off her, then follows up with a Lunar Eclipse!!



Reese: There it is!



Maggie yanks the inside-out jacket off of Kenzi and flips it back the right way. At just that moment, Glenn Burke finds his feet suddenly yanked from beneath him and slaps the canvas face down!



Chaos: There’s Sarah!



Hanson: She’s perfectly legal, this is a no DQ rules match!



Reese: What’s she got in that bag?



Sarah slides into the ring just as Maggie cinches Kenzi into the jacket and turns to find the ref. Instead, she finds SSGL and a Swab the Deck, Cabin Girl!



Hanson: That’s one of the special moves included in the Sarah DLC… if we get it, that is.



Chaos: Sarah reaches into the bag she’s brought and extracts her own straight jacket!



Reese: Why doesn’t anyone stop her!



Chaos: Stop her from what? This is all legal, and Sarah’s acting within the rules of the match.



Reese: I doubt Kenzi’s going to be thrilled about it…



After modeling it for a few moments, Sarah wraps Maggie up in the jacket and cinches it in. Then she goes over to free Kenzi, but Burke manages to get up at that moment and sees both competitors wrapped up. Confused, he calls for the bell!



Reese: He’s got to throw it out!



Hanson: Or declare Maggie the winner, she technically got Kenzi into the jacket first, not the other way around.



Chaos: Ref didn’t see, it didn’t happen.



Burke signals for Thompson, who walks over and converses with him briefly. He nods and lifts the microphone.



Thompson: Ladies and gentlemen, this match is a draw!!



Hanson: What!? A straight jacket match can’t end in a draw!



Chaos: It just did!







Reese: Here’s our GM!



Chaos: Good, maybe he’ll clear up this confusion.



Ichabod: I’ve come to a very important decision.



Hanson: I’ve got my money on Kenzi.



Reese: Bad karma and all?



Hanson: He’ll do it for Sarah.



Chaos: Nah, Ichy likes to fuck with the people he mentors. He’ll pick Maggie.



Ichabod: After much consideration, I’ve decided to make the choice that’s going to benefit the future of Chill the most. Therefore, I’ve selected Sarah Selena Grey-Lacklan…



Hanson: I told you! Wait… what?



Ichabod: …AND Cynric the Crusader, to BOTH represent the Chill DLC for UGWC 2K18!



Chaos: Well… that was unexpected.



Ichabod: In order to make room for both, someone else on the Chill roster will be cut. As for who? That remains to be decided.



He glances at the two women in the ring, both tied up in their respective straightjackets. He raises an eyebrow.



Ichabod: Thanks for coming out.



With that he returns to the back.



Reese: Well that raised more questions than it answered.



Chaos: That’s Ichabod for ya.



Reese: At any rate, we’re out of time, folks. Tune in November 5th for our last Chill of 2018!!

Kenzi: 7.25
Maggie: 7.25