Chill #9 Results

[DrunkenBuzzsaw]

You can hear the chattering of a large crowd, but no visuals. As a cold, blue spotlight clicks on over a blocky “U”, the opening strains of “Red Cold River” by Breaking Benjamin slowly tease the opening. A slow, CO2 mist curls out from around the letters as the fans start to get excited. Spotlights continue to flick on over subsequent letters, “G,” “W,” “C,” and when Ben Burnley screams “RUN” to usher in the song proper, the stage lights up with six-foot blue flames and the word “Chill” is emblazoned in black across the company letters. The fans hit their feet as pyros fly, and we’re taken to ringside to join our broadcast team of Aaron Reese, "The Drunken Buzzsaw" Chaos and Daniel Hanson.

Reese: Good evening, everyone! And welcome to the ninth edition of UGWC Chill, this one coming to you from Barcelona, Spain!"

Hanson: Are we actually starting the show now? Or do I have to spend another twenty minutes watching a bunch of amateurs who are clearly out of their element?

Reese: My esteemed colleague is referring to tonight's preshow, which featured some of Supreme Jersey Wrestling's top stars doing battle in an eight-man tag team match.

Hanson: It is very apparent that the fans here in Spain are starved of any real in-ring action. That's the only thing even remotely possibly to justify that anyone is actually still in this building after bearing witness to that monstrosity.

Chaos: Shit, I liked it.

Hanson: You're drunk.

Chaos: They might be, too. See? More than one reason for people to stay...

Reese: For anyone interested, that eight-man tag team match was won by the team of Phobos Timore, Dos Tequila One, and the Two Brother Army.

Hanson: If we're finished plugging a two-bit indy fed, think we can begin focusing on the shit that actually pays our wages?

Chaos: Still pissy that even SJW wouldn't give you a tryout, eh Hanson?

Hanson: Oh shut up, Chadwick!

Reese: We are a week removed from the Massive Melee pay per view event, where we witnessed the woman now known simply as LACKLAN outlast all others in the melee battle royal, thus earning herself a World Championship Match at Wrestlestock!

Hanson: Gotta sting a bit, huh, Chaos? The woman who has obliterated a mark that you held so dear, well on her way to winning the World Championship that eluded you during your entire stay in UGWC.

Chaos: Hey, I give the broad all the credit in the world. She has epitomized what the Chaos Title is all about, and I have no doubt that she'll take that same determination and focus it on Vaughn at Wrestlestock. Angie better be prepared, or she's gonna be known as a former World fuckin' champ real soon.

Reese: But that will be at Wrestlestock. Here tonight, former best friends will collide in our Main Event, as Kenzi Grey takes on a woman that she knows extremely well, Brittany Williams, as the two go to war in a ladder match here in Palau Blaugrana.

Hanson: The way things have been going for Kenzi lately, we might see an upset here tonight. And honestly, if that happens, I shudder to think what Kenzi will do to B-Brat.

Reese: But first, Konrad Raab will be in action to kick off the night's action, as he will be taking on a newcomer to UGWC, 'Beautiful' Bradley Deegan.

Chaos: Something about that dude that I don't fuckin' like.

Hanson: Obviously you wouldn't like him, Chaos. He has class, which is something that you will never be accused of displaying.

Chaos: Go fist yourself, Hanson.

Reese: And with that, we go to the ring, where Mark Thompson is set to make the introductions for tonight's opening match.

Thompson: Ladies and Gentlemen... welcome to CHILL!!!

Thompson: Standing six-two and weighing in at two-hundred twenty pounds, here is 'Beautiful' Bradley Deegan!!!!!

The lights drop and the operatic singing begins, shortly joined by the violins and orchestral section. The violins play their tune as gold spotlights begin to randomly shine on the stage. Each time the violins play their rhythm, a different light spotlights a different part of the ramp. They quicken as the as violin speeds up and the operatic voice gets more dramatic in the background. The lights suddenly cut as the solo violin stops and the music speeds up. The drums speed up and climax and the arena is pitched into blackness. the operatic singing builds again and a single, large gold spotlight shines on center stage where "Beautiful" Bradley Deegan stands with his back to the audience and his gold cape fluttering behind him. He raises his arms and poses that way until the four minute mark, when he finally turns around and begins his slow walk to the ring. He ignores the fans the entire way down, except for ones who touch him, who he orders his bodyguard to run interference against. As he reaches the bottom of the ramp he waits as Khan walks up the ring steps and onto the apron. Khan pushes the ropes open and Bradley slowly ascends the steps and walks into the ring. Once in the ring he walks to center ring, where the gold spotlight shines on him as he turns slow circles at center ring with his arms outstretched. Khan walks up behind him and waits as the music accelerates towards the crescendo. Khan reaches down and pulls Bradley's cloak off in perfect timing with the end of the song. Once it's over, Bradley walks to his corner and impatiently allows the referee to do his or her pre-match check.

Reese: Deegan sure seems to think a lot of himself, doesn't he?

Hanson: Rightfully so. Having seen what he is capable of in various matches during the course of his young career, he has every right to think highly of himself. Matter of fact, he is what Alan Wallace used to be.

Chaos: Fuckin' Wallace...

Reese: The smirk on his face says everything that needs to be said.

Hanson: He has the looks, the skill, and the youthfulness. And if all else fails, he's got Khan.

Thompson: And his opponent...

Thompson: Standing six-four and weighing in at two-hundred four pounds, here is 'The Iceman' Konrad Raab!!!!!

As 'Cold as Ice' by M.O.P plays over the sound system, Konrad comes out through the curtain just wearing his blue and white mask with white hair along with his wrestling trousers with his nickname The Iceman on the front of them with Pit Bull Energy logos on the side of his trousers with black gloves on both of his hands with a side cross necklace on his neck with the blue and black yin-yang tattoo on his right shoulder and Iceman from X-Men tattoo on his back. He then high fives the fans as he goes up the stairs before going in-between the ropes and does a holdup on each turnbuckle and everyone cheers him as he gets down from the turnbuckle and does a few boxing punches to the cameras before he looks at his opponent waiting for the match to start.

Reese: Konrad Raab had one heck of a match against Donovan Hastings at Massive Melee. 'The Iceman' has come a long way since first joining UGWC.

Hanson: Sure. He should get the next participation trophy we hand out.

Reese: That isn't veyr nice, Daniel.

Hanson: What? It's not like we give them out to everyone. Dickhead over there won't be getting one.

Chaos: You should stop letting your mouth write checks that your ass is unable to cash, Hanson. Fair warning.

Reese: Thankfully, there's the bell. This match is officially underway!

Hanson: 'The Beautiful One' obviously has to be wondering just who he pissed off, being booked against the likes of someone like Raab.

Chaos: Kinda like how I wonder what Reese and I did to deserve having to deal with your bitch-ass every Chill. At least it isn't on a weekly basis though. Small victories, right Reese?

Reese: I plead the fifth, and instead would prefer to call the match...

Hanson: Ha!

Reese: ...but yes.

Hanson: Douche.

The two men lock up, with Konrad Raab applying a side headlock. Deegan connects with an elbow to the midsection, but this only causes Konrad to cinch in the hold even tighter. Deegan looking for a way out, but Konrad releases the headlock, only to maneuver in behind of 'The Beautiful One' and apply a hammerlock. Raab wrenching up on the arm of Deegan, but Bradley with great situational awareness as he realizes that he is close to the ropes, and reaches out to grab the top rope, forcing Konrad to break the hold before Alice Nasmith begins the mandatory five-count.

Reese: A look of exasperated irritation on the face of Bradley Deegan, as he begins complaining to the official about something.

Hanson: I'd be irritated, too. Look at how much Raab is perspiring already. Bradley Deegan should not have to contend with such things in his first match with UGWC, and I think he has every right to file a formal complaint with the official on record.

Chaos: The fuck you want her to do, Hanson? Disqualify Raab?

Hanson: Yes. You're exactly right. Konrad Raab should be disqualified.

Chaos: The fuck for?

Hanson: Excessive sweating.

Reese: Deegan now turning his attention to Khan and giving directions, but Khan doesn't seem to care all that much.

Chaos: Would you?

Deegan finally diverting his attention back to Konrad Raab, and the two men lock up once again. This time Raab flings Deegan to the mat with a deep arm-drag. Deegan immediately pops off the mat, only to be taken down to the mat with a second arm-drag. Deegan back up again, but again is sent back to the mat, this time with a hip toss. Bradley back to his feet and charging at Konrad, but Raab bends at the waist and sends Bradley Deegan high into the air with a back-body drop. Deegan lands with a thud, and then rolls out of the ring, beginning to pace back and forth on the floor.

Reese: Bradley Deegan is slow to get out of the blocks here in this match, likely thinking that he would be quicker than Konrad in this match. Here in the early going, however, Konrad is a step or two quicker than Bradley, and it is showing in the ring.

Hanson: Obviously Konrad Raab is on some sort of performance enhancer. Yet another reason to disqualify him!

Reese: Deegan now berating his muscle out on the floor area, because it's Khan's fault that Deegan is being shown up by a man in his fifties, apparently.

Chaos: If Deegan ain't careful, Khan might do the dirty work that Konrad shies away from.

Hanson: He won't if he enjoys getting a paycheck each week.

Deegan hops back up on the ring apron, yelling at Alice to get Raab back. Konrad bouncing on the balls of his feet in the center of the ring now, as Bradley Deegan steps through the ropes. Raab immediately moves towards Deegan, but Bradley steps back through the ropes, standing on the apron once more. Konrad over to face him now, as Alice attempts to maneuver in between the two of them. Deegan with a thumb to the eye out of sight of the official, before grabbing Raab around the back of the neck and dropping to the floor, dropping Konrad's throat across the top rope. Deegan then reaches under the bottom rope and grabs the feet of Raab. Yanking Raab's feet out from under him, Deegan pulls Konrad out to the floor and connects with a forearm shot to the side of the jaw, before ramming Konrad shoulder first into the steel guardrail.

Reese: The crowd is all over Deegan here, after taking that shortcut in order to gain the advantage on 'The Iceman'.

Hanson: Shortcut? What shortcut? All I saw was an inadvertent thumb that was caused by the official sticking her nose where it didn't belong. What should he have done, Reese? Ask Konrad if he is OK to continue? This isn't a gentlemen's game of cribbage; it's a pro wrestling match.

Chaos: Like you know what fuckin' cribbage is.

Reese: Deegan is all smiles now, as he makes his way over and pulls Konrad to his feet.

Deegan lifts Konrad up, and then runs towards the steel ring post, driving the back of Konrad hard into the unforgiving steel. He then slams the head of Konrad into the apron, before unceremoniously shoving him back into the ring under the bottom rope. Deegan slides in and makes the cover, grinding his forearm into the side of Konrad's jaw.




ONE!!!!!




KICK OUT!!!!!




Reese: Deegan with the early cover there, but it will take a lot more than that to keep Konrad Raab down for the three-count.

Hanson: It wasn't about pinning Raab there, Reese. It was about forcing him to exert the effort, when his back is already hurting due to being driven into the ring post. This your first day on the job?

Chaos: Keep being a dick, and it'll be your last.

Deegan to his feet now, grabbing Raab by the head and pulling him back to a vertical base. Knee lift connects to the sternum of Konrad, and then Bradley whips him to the far ropes. Raab back across the ring and is on the receiving end of a sidewalk slam. Deegan quickly back to his feet, and connects with a knee drop across the bridge of Konrad's nose. Deegan back up, waiting for Konrad to get back to his feet. Konrad finally up to a vertical base, but is sent back down to the mat with a chop block

Reese: 'Beautiful' Bradley Deegan heading to the top rope now.

Deegan perches himself on the top turnbuckle, taunting out at the crowd, before jumping off and connecting with a beautiful flying elbow. He makes a nonchalant cover, and Alice scrambles to get into position.




ONE!!!!!




TWO!!!!!




KICK OUT!!!!!




Reese: Kickout at two by Konrad Raab, and Bradley Deegan is up to his feet and getting into the face of Alice Nasmith.

Chaos: No sense in bitching about a supposed slow count... hook the leg next time, dumbass.

Hanson: You can't talk about 'Beautiful' Bradley Deegan that way!

Chaos: Funny, because I think I just did.

Deegan dismisses Nasmith with a wave of the hand, and begins smiling as he looks down at Konrad Raab. He begins lightly kicking at 'The Iceman', telling him that he's the future of this business, and that Konrad needs to take his old ass back to Germany. Konrad up to his hands and knees now, and Deegan begins paint-brushing the back of Raab's head. The proud German is finally up to his feet now, and connects with a straight right hand that stuns Deegan. Another right hand causes Bradley to stumble back a step or two, and a third right hand sends Deegan back into the ropes. Raab's momentum is stopped in its tracks after an eye rake from Deegan that causes Nasmith to threaten a disqualification, but Deegan ignores her as he applies a front facelock and then spikes Konrad with a DDT.

Reese: Konrad with a brief glimpse of offense there, but Bradley Deegan put a quick stop to it with an illegal rake of the eyes.

Hanson: Pretty hard to continue firing up, if you can't see what - or who - is in front of you.

Deegan slowly makes his way back to his feet, before pulling Konrad back to his. He connects with 'I'm Prettier', and then makes the cover, this time hooking the leg.




ONE!!!!!




TWO!!!!!




THR-NO!!!!!




Reese: Deegan doesn't look extremely please that Konrad kicked out after that face-buster maneuver.

Hanson: He realizes it's only a matter of time. He just didn't want to have to break a sweat here tonight. It'll be fine.

Chaos: He needs to stay on Raab, instead of focusing on the boos that the fans here in Spain are showering down upon him.

Deegan talking down condescendingly to a few fans in the front row, as he steps out onto the apron. Climbing to the top rope, he smiles down at Konrad, who is slowly trying to make his way back to his feet. He then yells out 'I'm the real money maker' to the fans to his right, before jumping off to attempt his blockbuster move of the same name. Raab moves at the last moment though, and Deegan grabs nothing but air, before slamming hard on his back on the mat.

Reese: Not so subtle dig at one of our Synergy mainstays, wouldn't you say?

Chaos: Considering who he was referring to, who gives a shit?

Hanson: I do, and soon, that 'mainstay' will, too.

Both men back to their feet, and Deegan makes a run towards Raab. Konrad lifts Bradley into the air, turning once he has him in his grasp, and then driving him into the mat with a spinebuster. Raab still a little slow in getting to his feet due to the punishment he's taken in this match, and he and Deegan are each back up to a vertical base pretty much simultaneously. Raab blocks a right hand, and then connects with a European Uppercut that just about lifted Deegan's feet completely off the mat. Deegan lunges towards Raab, but Konrad ducks under and moves in behind of 'The Beautiful One'. Grabbing Deegan around the waist, Raab deposits him overhead with a release German suplex. Both men back to their feet, Raab sending Deegan back to the mat with a double-underhook release belly-to-belly suplex.

Reese: Konrad quickly coming to life now, and he is tossing Bradley Deegan all around the ring.

Deegan up to his feet and stumbles backwards into the far corner. Raab takes off towards him, the step-up enzuiguri connecting just above the left ear of Bradley Deegan. Deegan stumbles out of the corner and eats a superkick that drops him to his knees. Konrad grabs Deegan around the throat, using all of his strength to lift Bradley into the air, before driving him to the mat with The Iceinator. Konrad with the cover, and Alice with the count.




ONE!!!!!




TWO!!!!!




THRE-NOOOOOOOO!!!!!




Reese: So close! Konrad Raab was mere inches away from defeating Bradley Deegan in Deegan's first match with UGWC!

Hanson: How in the hell does Raab just keep coming?

Chaos: He's a proud man, Hanson. Doesn't matter where he's from, or how old he is. Never judge a book by it's cover.

Hanson: Like you know what books are...

Raab crouched in the near corner now, waiting for Deegan to get to his feet. Once he does, Konrad takes off full-speed towards him, folding him up like an accordion with a vicious spear. Again Konrad makes the cover, and again Alice Nasmith drops to make the count.




ONE!!!!!




TWO!!!!!




THRE-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!




Reese: Hard luck for Konrad there, as when he made the cover, the right leg of Bradley Deegan was close enough for him to drape his foot on it in order to break the count.

Hanson: Talk about knowing one's surroundings. Kudos to Bradley Deegan for his awareness. That is a savvy, veteran move right there!

Chaos: Or maybe he's just fuckin' lucky.

Hanson: Didn't realize his name was Jettinia...

Konrad back to his feet, reaching down and grabbing the leg of Deegan. Dragging Brdley to the center of the ring, Konrad applies the Ice Lock, and the crowd goes wild.

Reese: Bradley Deegan is trapped in the center of the ring, and in considerable pain due to that ankle lock submission hold perfected by Konrad Raab. If he doesn't find a way out of this hold quickly, his night might be over.

Hanson: No! It can't go down like this. Khan needs to do something!

Chaos: He is. Looks to me like he might be slightly smiling.

Hanson: Never. The light must be in your eyes!

Deegan yelling out to Khan, who stands stoically for a moment, before hopping up onto the ring apron. Alice Nasmith makes her way over to Khan and admonishes him to get down, else she will be forced to begin her five-count. Back in the ring, Raab release the hold, before making his way over to where Khan stands. 'The German Sensation' says a few words to Khan, and the big man looks to apologize, before hopping back down to the floor. Nasmith still looking down and threatening to ban him from ringside if he does something like that again, as Konrad Raab turns and makes his way back over to Bradley Deegan. Deegan connects with a low blow uppercut that doubles Konrad over, and then 'Beautiful' Bradley Deegan grabs a hold of Konrad and drives him into the mat with Because I Can.

Reese: Not like this!

Alice Nasmith turns just in time to see Deegan make the cover, but doesn't seem him kick his foot up onto the middle rope for additional leverage as she makes her count.




ONE!!!!!




TWO!!!!!




THREE!!!!!




Thompson: The winner of this match, 'Beautiful' Bradley Deegan!!!!!

Hanson: I knew he would pull it off!

Reese: You can't be proud that he won in that manner?

Hanson: Why wouldn't I be? A win is a win, Reese. It's not Bradley's fault that Alice Nasmith is a completely incompetent referee. It's all about wins and losses in this industry, and in 'Beautiful' Bradley Deegan's first official match here in UGWC, he emerges victorious over a former champion in Konrad Raab. The celebration at the after party is simply going to be beautiful!

Reese: Deegan with the tainted victory here tonight, and once again, Konrad Raab falls short to someone not above breaking the rules to gain the advantage.

Chaos: Is what it is, Reese. Sucks for Konrad, sure, but he will learn from this match, just like he has learned from others. It'll make him better in the long haul.

Reese: Up next, Kenzi Grey goes one-on-one with former friend Brittany Williams. And that match will be a ladder match!


Bradley Deegan - 6.98

Konrad Raab - 6.63

[DrunkenBuzzsaw]

Ladder Match - Grey vs Williams

Reese: It’s time for our highly anticipated Main Event as we see Kenzi Gray take on Sin City Wrestling talent Brittany Williams. This isn’t some run of the mill match for either of them as Williams requested this match and Kenzi has declared that she’s going to end Williams career.

Chaos: And they’re supposed to be friends.

Reese: Or at least they were. It’s hard to say if the word “friend” means anything to Kenzi anymore.

Hanson: You’re such a sucker. Friends are the people you use to get what you want. If Angie is in her way, then Kenzi should hit her where it hurts and take the World Championship.

Reese: You’re repulsive.

Hanson: You’re a sucker.

Chaos: You’re an asshole.

Hanson: You’re a drunk.

Chaos: Yup. Deal with it.

Hanson: I can’t believe that my professional career has been reduced to this.

Reese: You begged for this.

Hanson: Williams begged for her match. I didn’t beg for this crappy job.

Reese: I was in the office when you literally begged Hastings, Ooley and Vines for this job. It was equal bits pathetic and entertaining.

Chaos: Pussy. Have some dignity, Hanson.

Hanson: You’re one to talk.

Chaos: Care to explain that?

Hanson: Not really.

Reese: What’s the matter, Hanson? You don’t have the courage of what little convictions you have?

Hanson: Just because I don’t want to piss off the drunk, doesn’t mean that I won’t beat your ass.

Chaos: You won’t.

Hanson: How do you know?

Chaos: Because I said so.

Hanson: Oh. Well, in that case.

Chaos: That’s what I thought.

Reese: Thanks.

Chaos: Don’t mention it.

Reese: Back to the match, these two have an incredibly complicated relationship. At one time they were the best of friends, but Brittany feels as if Kenzi cast her aside as soon as she started to taste success. I don’t find that hard to believe as Kenzi has basically thrown most of her friends aside in her obsession to be seen as the greatest talent in UGWC. Whenever she can Angie come to their final blow off, it’s going to be vicious and brutal and I can’t honestly say how Kenzi will react if Angie beats her. This all started after Alan Wallace beat her for the World Championship.

Chaos: That fuckin’ douchecanoe.

Hanson: The Greatest UGWC talent ever.

Chaos: There’s another strike against you.

Hanson: What did I do?

Reese: Chaos called Wallace a “douchecanoe” and you ask him what you did? You really are dense, Hanson.

Hanson: It’s not my fault that Wallace is as great as he is. Besides, Kenzi began her current wonderful path because of Wallace.

Chaos: He’s still a douche. Just like you.

Reese: You rarely say anything intelligent, Hanson and this time you accidentally did.

Hanson: I did?

Reese: You did.

Hanson: Thank you?

Chaos: Don’t let it go to your head. You’re still an asshole.

Reese: Back to what you said, you said that Kenzi started on her path because of Wallace. Everything she’s done is because she failed to beat him for the World Championship, only to see him lose it to Angelica, who the fanbase absolutely adores and the roster generally respects and likes, I expect with a few exceptions.

Hanson: You’re sitting at the table with one.

Chaos: See, further proof that you’re an asshole.

Reese: Barnacling off of that, Kenzi is consumed with anger and jealousy towards Angie and the larger situation. Now she’s being challenged by another person who’s been her friend. She’s being called a monster and a backstabber. In Kenzi’s mind, which I quite frankly think is incredibly deluded at this point, she’s the victim.

Hanson: She’s right. No one appreciates how great she is. She’s been cheated out of the World Championship, she was cheated out of winning at the Melee and now this ungrateful child is trying to steal her thunder.

Reese: You sound like her PR officer.

Hanson: I’m a truthsayer.

Chaos: You’re a shameless ass kisser.

Hanson: I’m a survivor.

Chaos: You’re an embarrassment.

Reese: The only thing more baffling about this is the stipulation.

Hanson: What’s so weird about a ladder match?

Reese: It’s not that. It’s the...prize at the end.

Hanson: What’s so weird about a hair pick? We’ve had “Boss Penguin on a Pole” matches.

Reese: That’s a fair point.

Chaos: I always like it when someone punts that foulmouthed little fucker.

Hanson: Was that a pun?

Chaos: Maybe.

Hanson: You’re a dick.

Chaos: Do you need a hug?

Hanson: Not from you.

Chaos: Good, because I wasn’t offering you one.

Reese: I don’t think we’re going to be seeing any hugging in this match. Let’s go to Mark Thomposon for the introductions!

Chaos: Nice transition.

Reese: Thank you.

Chaos: Yup.

Thompson: Ladies and gentlemen, it is time for YOUR MAIN EVENT. Introducing first…



Jump by Kriss Kross begins to blast across the speakers. As it does Brittany Williams begins to emerge from behind the curtain being accompanied by her wife Halo Annis. Brittany offers a wide grin as paparazzi following begin to snap photos of the two girls. Brittany grins taking in all the cheers as she walks down the aisle wearing her tiara with a cape around her back. Her attire a glittering red and black mix. She slides into the ring moving her hands through her curly (nappy) hair. She takes off her tiara, and her cape. As she waits for the match to begin.

Thompson: She weighs at one-hundred and three pounds, hails from Los Angeles, California and comes to us by way of Sin City Wrestling...she is BRITTANY WILLLLLLLIAMMMMMMMS!!!!

Reese: Williams looks up at the hair pick that’s hanging above the ring and smiles.

Chaos: Weird fuckin women.

Reese: The fans don’t really know what to make of her or this and I expect that they’re going to be even more confused when Kenzi comes out.

Hanson: They love Kenzi.

Chaos: They detest Kenzi. They’re treating her like the light beer of wrestlers right now.

Hanson: I love light beer.

Chaos: You would. You know beer as much as you know commentary.

Hanson: I’m a brilliant commentator.

Chaos: You’re the “Fosters” of commentary.

Reese: He has you there.

Hanson: Let’s just go to Mitch.

Chaos: Pussy.

Thompson: And the SECOND participant in this match…



“Gimme Your Applause” by Lady Gaga, Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera begins to play as lightbulbs flash all through the arena. Kenzi Grey and her 'Life Model Decoy' Bobbi London walk out together with confident smiles for the fans. An explosion of pyro erupts as they both strike a pose for the cameras. The pair head down the aisle slapping the outstretched hands of the fans. The duo stand together at ringside, then one of the two climbs onto the ring apron and pauses again for the flash of the cameras, as she kneels there with a smirk. She climbs the turnpost and gives the fans one more photo opportunity as she sits atop the turnbuckle, still blowing kisses and posing for the fans. She hops down, finally entering the ring as she readies herself for her opponent while the other 'Kenzi' patrols the ringside area.

Thompson: She weighs in one hundred and thirty-six pounds, hails from Hollywood, California and is currently ONE-HALF of the UGWC Co-Operative Champions....she is KENZI GRAAAAAY!!!

Hanson: See, Kenzi got cheered.

Chaos: Maybe the hot-dog guys and beer guys are doing their rounds.

Hanson: Or maybe they love Kenzi.

Chaos: As much as I love an empty beer.

Hanson: See! I’m right!

Chaos: You’re trying too hard.

Reese: Craig White is ready and there’s the bell! The two women run right at each other and begin trading punches.

Hanson: I like watching women punch each other.

Chaos: You also like Fosters.

Hanson: I do!

Chaos: I rest my case.

Reese: Kenzi and Brittany continue to trade punches all over the ring. Neither one can gain an advantage over the other.

Hanson: One could kick the other between the uprights.

Chaos: And get disqualified.

Hanson: White isn’t that smart. He wouldn’t notice.

Reese: Intelligence doesn’t have anything to do with that.

Hanson: I disagree.

Chaos: You’re a moron.

Reese: Brittany finally gains the upper hand and drives Kenzi back into the corner with a flurry of rights and lefts. She mounts the second turnbuckle and begins to rain more punches down on Kenzi. Kenzi does her best to cover up, but Brittany switches to alternating knee strikes.

Hanson: Disqualify Williams!

Reese: For what?

Hanson: Illegal knees!

Reese: You have no idea what you’re talking about.

Chaos: When does he ever know what he’s talking about?

Reese: True.

Hanson: I hate both of you.

Chaos: I’ll drink to that.

Hanson: You’ll drink to anything.

Chaos: That’s true.

Hanson: See, I know something!

Chaos: In the same way that Ray Charles was an expert on house painting.

Hanson: I...you…

Chaos: Gotcha.

Reese: Williams grabs Kenzi around the neck, leaps backwards off of the turnbuckle and slams Kenzi into the mat face first with a tornado DDT. She promptly rolls Kenzi into a small package, but only gets a one count before Kenzi kicks out. Brittany pulls Kenzi to her feet and whips her into the corner, then follows her in with a splash.

Hanson: Come on, Ref! Do your job!

Chaos: What the hell are you babbling about now?

Hanson: Williams is cheating!

Chaos: I don’t see any cheating, but I do see a shit ton of ass kicking.

Hanson: You’re no help.

Chaos: You’re no commentator.

Reese: Kenzi staggers out of the corner and Williams takes her down with a leg sweep, then lands “Stay Down, Noob”. She leaps up and lands a leg drop across Kenzi’s chest, stomps her and pulls her up by her hair before she tosses Kenzi across the ring by it.

Hanson: What about that? She pulled her hair.

Chaos: It looks to me that she threw Kenzi with it.

Reese: It did look that way.

Hanson: Why didn’t she get a warning for it?

Reese: She did. She doesn’t care that she was warned, but she was.

Chaos: More power to her.

Hanson: You don’t say that when Kenzi uses strong tactics.

Chaos: Whatever. I’d be perfectly happy to walk up there and bang both of their heads together, but that’s not what I’m paid for.

Reese: Brittany slides out and goes right for a ladder under the ring. Kenzi’s body double takes a few steps towards her, but stops the second that Craig White tells her to back off. Kenzi glares at her as she pulls herself to her feet, then spots Brittany as she pulls a ladder out from under the ring. She runs back across the ring, bounces off of the ropes and shoots back across the canvas. She leaps up onto the top rope…

Chaos: Impressive agility.

Hanson: You couldn’t do that.

Chaos: I never had to.

Reese: Kenzi spins…

Hanson: Springboard moonsault! Genius!!

Chaos: Genius?

Hanson: Sure! Nobody would have thought of that!

Chaos: Right. She innovated the move.

Hanson: I’m glad you see it my way.

Chaos: I don’t. You’re an idiot.

Reese: Kenzi came down across the ladder right as Williams lifted it from the floor and crushed her between it and the floor.

Chaos: Brilliant. Now they’re both down.

Hanson: Kenzi is playing possum.

Chaos: And you’re playing commentator. Neither of you are special for it.

Reese: Kenzi slowly gets to her feet, yanking the ladder off of Williams as she does it. He hoists the ladder overhead and throws it down onto Williams.

Chaos: That’s one way to use a ladder.

Reese: Kenzi lays the ladder between the ringside railing and the ring apron, then yanks Brittany from the floor and throws her into the side of the ring.

Chaos: That was quite a thud.

Reese: Kenzi pulls Williams up by her hair and tries to force her under the bottom rope. Williams fights back up Kenzi elbows her in the throat, which draws a warning from the referee. She finishes rolling Williams in, then turns to Craig White and begins to argue with him over...something.

Hanson: I think she just flashed a hand signal…

Reese: I saw the same thing. She flicked her hand at Bobby London and her stunt double…

Hanson: Life Model Decoy.

Reese: Whatever. Whatever you want to call her, she just got up onto the canvas and she’s running

Hanson: I wouldn’t call that running.

Chaos: Are you going to be the one to tell her that?

Hanson: No. She’s might get mad and I could die by smoosh smoosh.

Chaos: Did you just say “smoosh smoosh”?

Hanson: Yes. Death by smoosh smoosh.

Chaos: Don’t continue with that visual.

Reese: Bobbi London leaps at the end of the apron…

Hanson: That poor ladder.

Chaos: It’s like you.

Hanson: Poor?

Chaos: No. Cheap and expendable.

Reese: Bobbi just drove Brittany Williams through the ladder!

Chaos: That got Craig’s attention.

Hanson: What the hell is he doing? He can’t do that!

Reese: Sure he can, he’s the Referee. Bobbi interfered and he ejected her. He’s allowed to do that.

Chaos: I don’t think he’s done. That finger is flying.

Reese: He just ejected Halo as well!

Chaos: Fair’s fair.

Hanson: This is absurd! Bobbi didn’t deserve that!

Reese: She leapt off of the apron and put Brittany Williams through the ladder. She deserved to be here less than you do.

Chaos: That’s something to be proud of.

Reese: Both Bobbi and Halo begin to walk up the ramp as Kenzi rolls out and shoves Williams back into the ring. She pulls Williams up.

Chaos: Low bridge!

Reese: Kenzi just low blowed Williams from behind while Craig White was making sure that Bobbi and Halo actually left.

Hanson: I love it!

Reese: Williams staggers across the ring and collapses into the corner. Kenzi drills her with a basement dropkick, spins around and runs to center ring, then turns around and charges back at the still downed Williams.

Chaos: Nice sliding clothesline.

Reese: Kenzi slides from the ring and pulls Williams around with her. She crotches her on the ringpost and wraps her into the “Hollywood Vine”.

Chaos: She can’t win this way, but she can fuck Brittany’s legs up.

Reese: Kenzi keeps the figure four wrapped around Williams legs. Williams screams out in agony but Kenzi keeps the hold cinched in as Craig begins the count.

Hanson: This is a great move!

Reese: It’s certainly effective. She didn’t let go until Craig got to four and was about to disqualify her. Williams slumps to the floor and Kenzi rubs her hands together gleefully. She pulls Williams up and throws her back first into the ringside railing, then begins to root around under the ring for a new ladder.

Hanson: This has been very lopsided, just as I knew it would be.

Reese: It’s only been lopsided because Kenzi cheated.

Hanson: It’s not cheating if you don’t get caught.

Chaos: I wonder what you ex wives would say about that.

Hanson: I wonder what your

Chaos: Don’t.

Hanson: Why not?

Chaos: Because I’ll stuff you into this beer bottle if you say one thing about Xandy.

Hanson: There is that, I suppose.

Chaos: I’m glad that we understand each other.

Reese: Kenzi slides another ladder into the ring and goes about setting it up. Williams still hasn’t moved.

Hanson: She’s done.

Reese: That remains to be seen.

Chaos: It’s not looking good for her, but I agree with you Reese.

Reese: Kenzi finishes setting up the ladder and begins to ascent it towards the pick…

Chaos: She stopped.

Hanson: She wants to deal more punishment out.

Reese: Why bother? She has a clear path to victory.

Hanson: Because it’s personal. She wants to make a point. You wouldn’t know anything about that, because you never wrestled.

Chaos: From what I understand, your career wasn’t particularly memorable.

Hanson: That’s only because some prick broke my neck before I could achieve greatness.

Chaos: If you wrestled like you commentate, the wrestling world was done a favor when you got hurt.

Hanson: You son of a bitch!

Chaos: Deal with it, Hanson. Put on your big boy pants, come down off of your cross, build a bridge with the wood and get over it.

Reese: Kenzi grabs Williams and pulls her over to the ladder. Williams throws a couple of weak punches at Kenzi, but appears to be having trouble breathing.

Hanson: Of course she is, an eight-hundred pound woman put her through a ladder!

Reese: Bobbi isn’t eight-hundred pounds. Stop being such an asshole.

Chaos: He can’t help it. He’s jealous of them because he never even got the chance to be a “has been”.

Hanson: I really, really hate you.

Chaos: I’ll find a way to live with that. I have beer, so I bet that I’ll be good.

Hanson: You’re such an asshole.

Reese: Kenzi pulls Williams up to the top of the ladder, slaps her really hard in the face and yells something at her. She grabs her around the head and leaps from the ladder for what looks like the “Blockbuster”!

Chaos: It’s high risk, but high reward, too!

Reese: Kenzi leaps from the ladder with Williams trapped!

Chaos: I have no idea how Williams did it, but that was one hell of an escape!

Reese: Coronation! Both women slam hard into the mat!

Chaos: They’re lucky that they didn’t go through it.

Reese: All Craig can do is check on the women and wait.

Hanson: I think he should award the match to Kenzi. Williams clearly used some dirty tactic to counter Kenzi.

Reese: Did she now?

Hanson: Of course. There’s no other explanation.

Reese: Name it.

Hanson: I can’t.

Reese: Why not?

Chaos: Because he’s pulling it out of his ass.

Hanson: You know about pulling…

Chaos: Hey, Hanson…

Hanson: What?

Chaos: Beer bottle.

Hanson: You know what...nevermind.

Chaos: Good boy.

Reese: In what is an act of pure guts, both women are starting to stir and pull themselves to the ladder from opposite sides of the ring.

Chaos: Impressive.

Reese: I could not agree more. It’s amazing that either of them is conscious, let alone moving.

Chaos: This could take a bit. I think I’ll have another beer.

Hanson: Can I have one?

Chaos: Do you want me to use your upper teeth as my bottle opener?

Hanson: Of course not!

Chaos: Exactly.

Reese: Both women continue to inch towards the ladder on their stomachs. Kenzi has a slight advantage, but it’s razor thin.

Chaos: I gotta say, they’d both do the Chaos Division proud.

Reese: No doubt. It looks from what we’re seeing that Kenzi is going to reach the ladder first.

Hanson: Of course she is, she’s THE star of UGWC. No one is better.

Reese: I think that World Champion Angelica Vaughn and Cross-Hemisphere

Hanson: Semi-circle.

Reese: I’m not saying that. It’s patently idiotic. It’s the Cross-Hemisphere Championship.

Hanson: I’ll tell Roxy on you.

Reese: Roxy doesn’t know who you are. She’ll just assume that you’re some creepy guy who’s trying to hit on her.

Chaos: He’d be that, too.

Reese: Kenzi is the first one to reach the ladder. She grabs the bottom step and begins to slowly pull herself up. Brittany Williams is right behind her on the other side.

Chaos: Here’s where those potentially injured ribs really come into play.

Reese: Indeed, Chaos. Kenzi is already three rungs ahead of her and Williams is barely keeping up. It looks like she’s really having trouble breathing.

Hanson: She’s a big faker.

Chaos: Could you try to sound any more like a five year old?

Hanson: Probably.

Reese: Kenzi is about half way up on her side with Williams a rung behind on her side. The two begin to trade more somewhat weak punches half way up as they continue to climb.

Hanson: This is agonizing.

Reese: It’s worse for them. At least you haven’t been slammed down really hard onto your back or chest.

Hanson: That would have never happened to Kenzi if that idiot referee would have done his job.

Reese: He’s done a respectable job tonight.

Hanson: I disagree.

Reese: Which would matter if I gave a damn about your opinion.

Chaos: Kenzi is almost there.

Reese: Kenzi gets to the top of the ladder first but Brittany Williams is mere seconds behind her. They resume trading punches, slugging back and forth!

Hanson: SUPER KICK!!

Chaos: It’s an eye poke, you asshole.

Hanson: I’ll have you know that it’s called “The Super Kick”.

Chaos: I don’t care what cute language she or anyone else puts on it, it’s a fuckin eye poke.

Reese: Williams recoils in pain as she grabs at her eye. Kenzi grabs her by her hear and slams her face first into the top of the ladder. Williams tires to block another shot to Kenzi’s head and misses as she sways a bit on the ladder and noticeably winces. Kenzi smiles and laughs at Williams, then grabs her by her hair and slams her face into the top of the ladder. Williams wobbles a little, so Kenzi does it again. This time Williams looses her grip with one hand. Kenzi watches as she grabs her ribs. It’s clear that Williams is in a lot of pain and having problems breathing.

Hanson: Come on, Kenzi! You can do it!

Reese: Kenzi rears back as Williams clutches at her ribs and audibly gasps.

Chaos: That was one hell of a punch to the side.

Reese: It was! Kenzi’s punch landed with a loud thud..

Hanson: Williams fell! The punch was enough to do it!

Reese: Williams plummets from the ladder and slams hard into the mat back first. Kenzi reaches up and grabs the pick, which she holds over her head like King Arthur with Excalibur.

Mark Thompson: Ladies and gentlemen, your winner… KENZI GRAAAAAAAY!!!!


Kenzi Grey - 7.06

Brittany Williams - 6.46

Reese: Kenzi just fought a hell of a hard match...oh what the hell is this?

Chaos: It looks like Bobbi is back.

At the conclusion of the match, Kenzi starts directing traffic as she has Bobbi London hold Brittany as she walks around her adversary with the pick in hand. Brittany struggles, but the near three hundred pounder doesn’t budge. Kenzi is handed a microphone, and she addresses her one-time friend.

Kenzi: Brittany, Brittany, Brittany! I told you to just leave this alone. You got your match in Queen City and everything could have been good right then and there, but you had to keep on pushing, didn’t you? You had to keep on looking for reasons to annoy the shit out of me…DIDN’T YOU?!

Kenzi stares at the afro pick in her hands as she walks over and drags it roughly through Brittany’s thick hair, yanking at it, just to make it hurt a little more. She hold up the pick and shakes her head.

Kenzi: What did you think was going to happen here? Did you think that we’d have another match where you promised to destroy me again…and at the end, we just hug it out like everything is okay? Is that what you thought was going to happen?

Kenzi leans down and whispers her next words and it is clear that they are meant to be the last one’s she speaks to the young girl.

Kenzi: …everything is not okay…

Kenzi’s face contorts into a mask of pure anger as she starts to jam the pick into the top of Brittany’s scalp, her screams of anger mixing with Brittany’s screams of pain. The fans boo and even Bobbi lets go, stepping back with a conflicted look on her face. Kenzi mounts Brittany, continuing to savagely attack her, ripping at her hair and breaking several teeth in the pick before she finally tosses it aside. She glares down at Brittany, holding her head as blood from her scalp trickles down.

Kenzi: …I warned you…

Kenzi backed away as Brittany turned over and tried to get to her feet, but before she could make it up, her head was stomped down into the mat with the “Walk of Fame.” The fans boo’ed her actions loudly, but she didn’t seem to hear it or care as she backed up and lined up to do it a second time. Kenzi runs in to stomp her again, but Bobbi gets between them, causing Kenzi to come up short.

The fans cheer as the XWF Internet Champion attempts to reason with Kenzi. The television star nods as she raises her hands and takes a step back. Suddenly she hauls off and slaps the big Aussie and the report echoes through the arena. She gets in the large woman’s face, standing on her toes as she screams at her, letting her know exactly who she is working for. She shoves Bobbi back and tells her to bring one of the ladders to her. Bobbi stands her ground for a moment, then begrudgingly does as she’s told.

Kenzi grabs the ladder from Bobbi and positions one of Brittany’s ankles between the legs, slamming it closed. Kenzi backs up, ready to stomp the rungs of the ladder. The fans are in a panic as Kenzi prepares to shatter the girl’s ankle, but the UGWC World Champion hops the barricade and rolls into the ring, getting between her and her quarry. The fans cheer the Champion, which only seems to irritate Kenzi more, but eventually the two share a hushed, but heated exchange. At the end of it, Kenzi screams at her, loudly enough for everyone to hear her.

Kenzi: ONE MORE BFF FOR YOU, HUH?!

Kenzi pushes past Angie and hops out of the ring as Bobbi reluctantly follows her, casting an apologetic look down at Brittany and mouthing the words “sorry mate” as she ambles behind her employer. The fans continue to boo Kenzi all the way up the ramp, much to her displeasure.