Post by T-Robosaurus Rex on Oct 19, 2009 19:00:33 GMT -5
Vinegar: Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to Global Impact Wrestling’s Distant Whispers, I’m Nicholas Vinegar and for the first time in a long time, I’m without Daniel Hanson. But I’m going to be joined throughout the show by some special guests, the identity of them is even unknown to me.
Vinegar: The show itself is gonna be an entire evening of tag team action, with two teams competing for the position of Tag Team Championship Number 1 contenders, two teams will climb a ladder to claim the right to be called the GIW Tag team Champions, and the main event is another unknown quantity, especially after the incidents of last week’s Sentinel, when ‘The Momentum Killer’ Dirge made a surprise return in time for tonight.
Vinegar: but it seems like Mitchell Dennis is ready to introduce our first Guest Commentator for the night, and I have to admit to being a little bit excited...
Dennis: Homo...Anyway, Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Distant Whispers, and it’s my great pleasure to present to you, our first Guest Commentator of the night...
Mitchell Dennis looks down at his cue card, and his face mixes with puzzlement and shock.
Dennis: is this a joke?
He looks towards the stage to see if what is on the card is indeed some kind of practical joke, hoping to see a producer run out with the real cue card, but instead out walks a dumpy little woman.
Dennis: Oh dear god, it is serious. OK...Ladies and Gentlemen, our first Guest Commentator of the night, he was the figurehead of a whole generation, he may well have taken his own life nearly twenty years ago, but he is here with us through the medium of a Spiritualist called Maude.....KUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURT COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIN!
Vinegar: OK, that didn’t seem to go over too well with the fans here in attendance tonight, the people of Seattle are apparently insulted by the presence of Maude...I can’t say I’m too sure what to make of it myself, but I wouldn’t be throwing my drink on her...but to be fair Mitchell seems to eb taking most of the abuse...
Dennis: Look, I don’t write the frakin’ introductions, I just read them...OW!...Was that a...a clock radio who brings a clock radio to a wrestling sho...OW! WHO BRINGS TWO!?!?!?
Vinegar: And Mitchell Dennis goes scurrying out of the ring, away from the torrent of abuse he is getting from a large proportion of the Key Arena...and now my partner for the first match is here, I’m sorry about the reception Maude...
Maude: Who the fucks Maude, Bro? No need to apologise it reminds me of early Nirvana gig’s...
Vinegar: Oh so you’re Kurt already...well...it’s wonderful to speak to you Mr Cobain...
Maude/Cobain: Dude the names Kurt, Mr Cobain was my father, we didn’t get on too well, kicked me out...motherf...
Vinegar: Well Kurt, it’s great to have you here tonight, so what do you make of the build up to tonight’s first match between Midday Oil and Red Dawn...
Maude/Cobain: What happened to The Rockers and Legion of Doom?
Vinegar: They’ve never wrestled for GIW, besides that was bnearly twenty years ag...Oh.
Maude/Cobain: That’s a shame, Legion of Doom were cool with their spikely elbow pads and wierd facepaint...I like black and red...
Vinegar: Hawk died a few years back, so it’s unlikely they’ll make a return...
Maude/Cobain: That sucks, hell I guess I’ll just have to wait for Mr Perfect...
Vinegar: Dead...
Maude/Cobain: What? God at least there is always The British Bulldog...
Vinegar: Erm...
Maude/Cobain: What! Not him as well, man this sucks, and this whole show’s gonna suck...
Vinegar: Well that’s more like my usual partner, so let’s get the first match underway...Mitchell is apparently doing his announcing for the competitors from Backstage during this match....
“Shoot To Thrill”
Dennis: The next match is scheduled for one fall, is a Tag team Contest and is for the GIW Tag team Championship Number 1 Contender Shot....Introducing first, from the land down under, MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY OIIIIIIIIIIILLLLL!!!
Vinegar: JK is looking confident and up for this one...
Maude/Cobain: Woah, how old is that kid, looks like he’s too young even for my daughter...
Vinegar: Yeah, yeah he’s young, to be fair Kurt we’ve covered all that many times before, ‘The Cyclone’ is one of GIW’s most competitive athletes, underestimate him at his peril, and in tandem with Paul Cockatoo he’s especially devastating....
Maude/Cobain: Cocka-what-now?
Vinegar: I thought you were meant to be enigmatic, you seem, I dunno a bit shallow...
Maude/Cobain: Dude, I’m as deep as they come, don’t you know anything about me? I’m so deep even success made me unhappy...
“Living on a Prayer”
Dennis: And Intorducing their opponents, Moss Edwards and Colin Davis, REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWN!!!!
Vinegar: And early chance for Colin Davis to grab a shot at gold here tonight at Distant Whispers...
Maude/Cobain: Woah, who’s the pasty mofo, I thought I needed to get out in the sun more.
Vinegar: That’s Colin Davis, one of GIW’s newest members...
Maude/Cobain: And the dude without any hair, that’s Moss right?
Vinegar: Good to see you’re paying attention...
Maude/Cobain: Dude, I’m sober, of course my concentration is fine...can’t get the good stuff where I come from...
Vinegar: That’s great to hear, but luckily for us Red Dawn are now inside the ring, and Hazel East is signalling for the bell...
Maude/Cobain: Shit, you let women referee? That’s sick dude, I’m pretty sure Courtney would have loved some action between four men...
Vinegar: No doubt...
Maude/Cobain: There were only three people in my band, and the others said they had ‘standards’, whatever that meant...
Vinegar: Shudder...Anyway this match is ready to get underway, and it’s Cockatoo and Moss to start this off, and they both ties up with Cockatoo getting the advantage initially with a headlock, but Moss runs him into the ropes and sends him running, as Cockatoo comes back towards him he hits a running scoop slam, taking the Aboriginal to the floor...
Maude/Cobain: Can he play the didgeridoo? I always thought they’d sound good on one of my tracks...
Vinegar: Do you even want to talk about the wrestling.
Maude/Cobain: Not really, I despise the sport.
Vinegar: then why did you agree to come?
Maude/Cobain: Wasn’t exactly brought here under my own free will.
Vinegar: Is there anything you do like?
Maude/Cobain: Not really, but I have a special loathing for Wrestling cause my father forced me to do it as a child, he was a mother...
Vinegar: Yes you’ve said once already...anyway, Moss and Paul ahve been exchanging blows in the middle of the ring whilst the squat women next to me who is sure she is a dead rock god has been irritating me...
Maude/Cobain: Wonder if she gets high, will I get high....You know where I can score?
Vinegar: Not now...
Maude/Cobain: Later?
Vinegar: No, shut the hell up, the tide of this match has just turned with a DDT from Cockatoo to Moss...
Maude/Cobain: You’re just like him...telling me to shut up....he hated music, he wanted a sports star for a son....I bet he’d love all these oiled up homo’s to be his son, rather than me...
Vinegar: Oh for the love of Jesus! We ALL have daddy issues, now quit being a bitch about it, you’ve got a lot to answer for after bitching about it for so long destroyed an entire musical genre...
Maude/Cobain: Hey, I created Grunge!
Vinegar: And I hope, if there is ANY justice in the universe, Maude summoned you up from Hell where you were burning for eternity for that sin...
Maude/Cobain: No, just like everyone else, they kicked me out. No-one ever wanted me, I had a crap life and even death sucks...
Vinegar: Seriously I’m so close to making you deep throat a second shotgun right now...JK and Cockatoo have exchanged tags whilst you’ve been wasting valuable time and the visually impaired viewers have no idea that Moss recovered from the earlier DDT and was able to hip toss ‘The Cyclone’ to tag in his partner, and Colin steamrollers the rising JK with a running shoulder block, before stomping away on the youngsters torso, before turning leaning against the ropes, and then hitting a falling elbow on young JK’s face, sending the GIW.com Champion rolling on the mattress in pain from that painful shot to the face...
Maude/Cobain: Pffft, call that a painful shot to the face!
Vinegar: Wow, so you do have a sense of humour. Anyway, Colin whips JK against the ropes, he runs the ropes himself, but Moss makes a blind tag, and it’s a smart move as JK hits a Hurricanrana and hooks the legs, but Hazel informs him Colin is not legal, and he turns into a spinning kick from Moss Edwards sending him to the ground...
Maude/Cobain: I don’t see many people wearing flannel, why is that...
Vinegar: because thankfully times move on, anyway JK manages to evade Moss’ attempt to drag him to his feet, rolls and then leaps to his corner, tagging in Cockatoo who throws caution to the wind and dives at Moss, connecting and bringing him to the ground in position to mount and punch ‘The Auteur’, after a handful of strikes he rolls off and gets to his feet, hauling Moss Edwards up onto his shoulders...
Maude/Cobain: LEGION OF DOOM! They used to do that!
Vinegar: JK now climbing to the top rope...OZFEST ENDI...NO!
Maude/Cobain: The little dude misses...
Vinegar: The split second JK leaps, Moss shifts his weight forwards and manages to roll, and take Cockatoo’s legs with him...and into a pinning predicament...
1...
2...
3!!!!
Dennis: Here are your winners, and Number 1 Contenders for the GIW Tag team Championships....REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWN!!!
Vinegar: Well that was a sudden end to the match, and Moss signals to Colin that’s how you do it, and Colin looks on in awe and approval.
Maude/Cobain: Well that’s my lot, I’m going back to convince Michael Jackson I’m not a grown up version of MacAulay Culkin...did I mention how everything that ever happens to me sucks...
Vinegar: Just go!
Red Dawn: 6
Midday Oil: 4
Vinegar: The show itself is gonna be an entire evening of tag team action, with two teams competing for the position of Tag Team Championship Number 1 contenders, two teams will climb a ladder to claim the right to be called the GIW Tag team Champions, and the main event is another unknown quantity, especially after the incidents of last week’s Sentinel, when ‘The Momentum Killer’ Dirge made a surprise return in time for tonight.
Vinegar: but it seems like Mitchell Dennis is ready to introduce our first Guest Commentator for the night, and I have to admit to being a little bit excited...
Dennis: Homo...Anyway, Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Distant Whispers, and it’s my great pleasure to present to you, our first Guest Commentator of the night...
Mitchell Dennis looks down at his cue card, and his face mixes with puzzlement and shock.
Dennis: is this a joke?
He looks towards the stage to see if what is on the card is indeed some kind of practical joke, hoping to see a producer run out with the real cue card, but instead out walks a dumpy little woman.
Dennis: Oh dear god, it is serious. OK...Ladies and Gentlemen, our first Guest Commentator of the night, he was the figurehead of a whole generation, he may well have taken his own life nearly twenty years ago, but he is here with us through the medium of a Spiritualist called Maude.....KUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURT COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIN!
Vinegar: OK, that didn’t seem to go over too well with the fans here in attendance tonight, the people of Seattle are apparently insulted by the presence of Maude...I can’t say I’m too sure what to make of it myself, but I wouldn’t be throwing my drink on her...but to be fair Mitchell seems to eb taking most of the abuse...
Dennis: Look, I don’t write the frakin’ introductions, I just read them...OW!...Was that a...a clock radio who brings a clock radio to a wrestling sho...OW! WHO BRINGS TWO!?!?!?
Vinegar: And Mitchell Dennis goes scurrying out of the ring, away from the torrent of abuse he is getting from a large proportion of the Key Arena...and now my partner for the first match is here, I’m sorry about the reception Maude...
Maude: Who the fucks Maude, Bro? No need to apologise it reminds me of early Nirvana gig’s...
Vinegar: Oh so you’re Kurt already...well...it’s wonderful to speak to you Mr Cobain...
Maude/Cobain: Dude the names Kurt, Mr Cobain was my father, we didn’t get on too well, kicked me out...motherf...
Vinegar: Well Kurt, it’s great to have you here tonight, so what do you make of the build up to tonight’s first match between Midday Oil and Red Dawn...
Maude/Cobain: What happened to The Rockers and Legion of Doom?
Vinegar: They’ve never wrestled for GIW, besides that was bnearly twenty years ag...Oh.
Maude/Cobain: That’s a shame, Legion of Doom were cool with their spikely elbow pads and wierd facepaint...I like black and red...
Vinegar: Hawk died a few years back, so it’s unlikely they’ll make a return...
Maude/Cobain: That sucks, hell I guess I’ll just have to wait for Mr Perfect...
Vinegar: Dead...
Maude/Cobain: What? God at least there is always The British Bulldog...
Vinegar: Erm...
Maude/Cobain: What! Not him as well, man this sucks, and this whole show’s gonna suck...
Vinegar: Well that’s more like my usual partner, so let’s get the first match underway...Mitchell is apparently doing his announcing for the competitors from Backstage during this match....
“Shoot To Thrill”
Dennis: The next match is scheduled for one fall, is a Tag team Contest and is for the GIW Tag team Championship Number 1 Contender Shot....Introducing first, from the land down under, MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY OIIIIIIIIIIILLLLL!!!
Vinegar: JK is looking confident and up for this one...
Maude/Cobain: Woah, how old is that kid, looks like he’s too young even for my daughter...
Vinegar: Yeah, yeah he’s young, to be fair Kurt we’ve covered all that many times before, ‘The Cyclone’ is one of GIW’s most competitive athletes, underestimate him at his peril, and in tandem with Paul Cockatoo he’s especially devastating....
Maude/Cobain: Cocka-what-now?
Vinegar: I thought you were meant to be enigmatic, you seem, I dunno a bit shallow...
Maude/Cobain: Dude, I’m as deep as they come, don’t you know anything about me? I’m so deep even success made me unhappy...
“Living on a Prayer”
Dennis: And Intorducing their opponents, Moss Edwards and Colin Davis, REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWN!!!!
Vinegar: And early chance for Colin Davis to grab a shot at gold here tonight at Distant Whispers...
Maude/Cobain: Woah, who’s the pasty mofo, I thought I needed to get out in the sun more.
Vinegar: That’s Colin Davis, one of GIW’s newest members...
Maude/Cobain: And the dude without any hair, that’s Moss right?
Vinegar: Good to see you’re paying attention...
Maude/Cobain: Dude, I’m sober, of course my concentration is fine...can’t get the good stuff where I come from...
Vinegar: That’s great to hear, but luckily for us Red Dawn are now inside the ring, and Hazel East is signalling for the bell...
Maude/Cobain: Shit, you let women referee? That’s sick dude, I’m pretty sure Courtney would have loved some action between four men...
Vinegar: No doubt...
Maude/Cobain: There were only three people in my band, and the others said they had ‘standards’, whatever that meant...
Vinegar: Shudder...Anyway this match is ready to get underway, and it’s Cockatoo and Moss to start this off, and they both ties up with Cockatoo getting the advantage initially with a headlock, but Moss runs him into the ropes and sends him running, as Cockatoo comes back towards him he hits a running scoop slam, taking the Aboriginal to the floor...
Maude/Cobain: Can he play the didgeridoo? I always thought they’d sound good on one of my tracks...
Vinegar: Do you even want to talk about the wrestling.
Maude/Cobain: Not really, I despise the sport.
Vinegar: then why did you agree to come?
Maude/Cobain: Wasn’t exactly brought here under my own free will.
Vinegar: Is there anything you do like?
Maude/Cobain: Not really, but I have a special loathing for Wrestling cause my father forced me to do it as a child, he was a mother...
Vinegar: Yes you’ve said once already...anyway, Moss and Paul ahve been exchanging blows in the middle of the ring whilst the squat women next to me who is sure she is a dead rock god has been irritating me...
Maude/Cobain: Wonder if she gets high, will I get high....You know where I can score?
Vinegar: Not now...
Maude/Cobain: Later?
Vinegar: No, shut the hell up, the tide of this match has just turned with a DDT from Cockatoo to Moss...
Maude/Cobain: You’re just like him...telling me to shut up....he hated music, he wanted a sports star for a son....I bet he’d love all these oiled up homo’s to be his son, rather than me...
Vinegar: Oh for the love of Jesus! We ALL have daddy issues, now quit being a bitch about it, you’ve got a lot to answer for after bitching about it for so long destroyed an entire musical genre...
Maude/Cobain: Hey, I created Grunge!
Vinegar: And I hope, if there is ANY justice in the universe, Maude summoned you up from Hell where you were burning for eternity for that sin...
Maude/Cobain: No, just like everyone else, they kicked me out. No-one ever wanted me, I had a crap life and even death sucks...
Vinegar: Seriously I’m so close to making you deep throat a second shotgun right now...JK and Cockatoo have exchanged tags whilst you’ve been wasting valuable time and the visually impaired viewers have no idea that Moss recovered from the earlier DDT and was able to hip toss ‘The Cyclone’ to tag in his partner, and Colin steamrollers the rising JK with a running shoulder block, before stomping away on the youngsters torso, before turning leaning against the ropes, and then hitting a falling elbow on young JK’s face, sending the GIW.com Champion rolling on the mattress in pain from that painful shot to the face...
Maude/Cobain: Pffft, call that a painful shot to the face!
Vinegar: Wow, so you do have a sense of humour. Anyway, Colin whips JK against the ropes, he runs the ropes himself, but Moss makes a blind tag, and it’s a smart move as JK hits a Hurricanrana and hooks the legs, but Hazel informs him Colin is not legal, and he turns into a spinning kick from Moss Edwards sending him to the ground...
Maude/Cobain: I don’t see many people wearing flannel, why is that...
Vinegar: because thankfully times move on, anyway JK manages to evade Moss’ attempt to drag him to his feet, rolls and then leaps to his corner, tagging in Cockatoo who throws caution to the wind and dives at Moss, connecting and bringing him to the ground in position to mount and punch ‘The Auteur’, after a handful of strikes he rolls off and gets to his feet, hauling Moss Edwards up onto his shoulders...
Maude/Cobain: LEGION OF DOOM! They used to do that!
Vinegar: JK now climbing to the top rope...OZFEST ENDI...NO!
Maude/Cobain: The little dude misses...
Vinegar: The split second JK leaps, Moss shifts his weight forwards and manages to roll, and take Cockatoo’s legs with him...and into a pinning predicament...
1...
2...
3!!!!
Dennis: Here are your winners, and Number 1 Contenders for the GIW Tag team Championships....REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWN!!!
Vinegar: Well that was a sudden end to the match, and Moss signals to Colin that’s how you do it, and Colin looks on in awe and approval.
Maude/Cobain: Well that’s my lot, I’m going back to convince Michael Jackson I’m not a grown up version of MacAulay Culkin...did I mention how everything that ever happens to me sucks...
Vinegar: Just go!
Red Dawn: 6
Midday Oil: 4