Post by cooltubesource on Mar 12, 2020 22:32:20 GMT -5
“...and let me make one thing PERFECTLY CLEAR!”
....breath, DM, breath….you can do this...you CAN do this...just got to roll high on your Persuasion check…
“...the ONLY person who will be voted as the People’s Choice Champion on Chill is Hide Yamazaki, my hero’s greatest protege! You see, back in MY day-”
...c’mon, DM. This is your chance! Your chance to sway the fans! Your chance to make an impact with O’Connell! You might get booked! Bahamut’s Mercy, Ryder might even notice you! THE CHAMP!
“-and that was BEFORE all of you pencil-necked GEEKS got actual paychecks! Anyway, there is NO WAY, and I mean NO WAY that ANYONE is going to be the People’s Choice Champ if they are NOT managed by the Number One Hitmaker, and it’s not even worth TALKING about! I say HARRUMPH to that. HARRUMPH! BUT! Since I REFUSE to let ANYONE say that ol’ Billy Facestomper was anything but a fair man, I am willing to bring on one of the LOSERS who will be LOSING to the Uncommonwealth’s Hide….and his partner, the Iceman...on Monday. I tried to get literally everyone else...but this is all I could get...so please welcome to the show...THE DUNGEON MASTER!”
...here we go...time to ROLL THE DICE!
A thin man with the most ghastly mustache in the world walks forward, trips as his right foot catches behind her left, and stumbles to his knees.
...great...Natural 1...
He gets back to his feet sits down at a desk and places a large pair of headphones on his head. His shoulder-length hair shines with the natural oil sheen of a man who no doubt had a rough time as a pimply-faced teenager, and his dark eyes hold a gleam more creepy than even Necron leering at a newly corpsified young woman. Sitting across from him is a dark-skinned man with a black hockey mask over his head. The man leans forward, pressing his lips to a microphone in the shape of our favorite Canadian wrestler-turned-manager, and shakes his head.
“Welcome to ‘A Quick Facial.'”
“Tha-tha-thank you for h-h-having m-me.”
The skinny man’s voice, as spindly as his body, stumbles over the words. Facestomper shakes his head.
“Mang, I didn’t ‘have’ you! I tried to get Johnny to come in, but he was zoned out on his meds and Hide didn’t understand what I was saying. Then I tried to get Konrad Raab, but HE was only in Hour Two of his Sexytimes, so I knew I had at LEAST two more to go, and couldn’t wait that long.”
“O-oh, I-I-”
“I tried to get your partner, that ‘AstroFlash’ Michael Collins guy, but he was booked to be on Sloane Taylor’s ‘POV Parkour Podcast.’ And THEN I tried both Maria AND Maleek, but just got some chick on the phone with a fake Asian accent. Sounded like she was pulling her eyes into slits while she told me f off in broken English. Pretty racist, mang.”
“T-th-tha-”
“But, mang, that ain’t NOTHING on YOU being here, instead. Real low point of ‘AQF,’ if you ask me.”
The thin man’s face falls and the radio host finally relents with a wave of his hand.
“Low point or no, this is your chance to tell us why the Chill fans would be DUMB ENOUGH to vote YOU as the People’s Choice Champ instead of one of Johnny Bonecrusher’s many many many successes.”
DM gulps and takes a deep breath to settle his nerves. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small felt bag, opens the drawstrings, and rummages around until he pulls out the most important thing in the world:
A 20-sided die
He shakes it in his hand and then rolls it, with the 16 resting on top.
...yes! Made my Constitution Save!
“Well...I mean...I am the biggest upcoming star in New Jersey Pro Wrestling and the UGWC fans still consider our Chill Takeover last year to be the greatest moment in wrestling history.”
DM ignores the interviewer's dubious look.
“I was there, you know. I mean, I didn’t get to wrestle that night...I got hurt when I was ‘accidentally’ run over by Angie Vaughn when she went bolted toward X-Bro so that he could sign her nearly non-existant chest...but I was there in the back. But if I HAD wrestled, I would have gotten the biggest pop of the night!”
...okay...okay...rolling for Deception...ugh, only a 12...lets hope he rolls low on his Insight…
“...really?”
...success! Suck on dat natural 11!
“Oh...um...absolutely. In fact, they would have been SO happy to see me win the battle royal...or tournament...or whatever it was...again, I was out of commission because of slipping in the drool pouring from Angie’s mouth over X-Bro...that Mister O’Connell would have DEMANDED that I get a title shot against Phobos! Instead, the Manifestation of Panic got to hold onto his championship all the way until he lost to Duncan Ryder!”
DM shakes his head, which causes his greasy locks to catch the light and give off a gleam.
“But on Monday? I’m going to make up for that. I’m going to cast Lightening Bolt...Maximized, of course...and fry Hide. I’m going to throw a few Firebolts at Raab...its only a cantrip, so I can throw, like, 50 times every Long Rest...and melt him. And then, in the Main Event, I’m going to bust out my Pearl of Power and cast Finger of Death at my tag partner and then Finish Him with a devastating critical….not a Devastating Critical, though, I haven’t taken that Feat...and knock him out with my Heartpunch. And the fans will then rush to vote for me as the People’s Choice Champion so fast that it would even make Angie dropping her panties for X-Bro seem like it was in slow motion.
"Lets roll some dice!”
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