Sentinel 17/01/10 Results

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

A shot of a large congregation of near hippy like followers is shown lined up in front of the GIW Arena. Most holding signs of encouragement for Conni, while some demonizing the GIW, the competitors in the match, and Old Lady Levene. While others, a small group of four or five college aged women hide their nudity behind a banner reading; “We’d rather wear nothing than wear fur.”

Most are chanting protest chants and giving the hard working paying fans of the GIW a hard time when they try to enter the building. Then the entire crowd of protesters and fans alike erupt in commotion. The camera pans around to see the GIW Tag Team Champion Red Dawn attempting to enter the arena.

The fans all rush to BoolZ and his canine companion Conni asking for autographs. Women exposing their breasts for the signature while children hold out stamp pads for paw prints. BoolZ is clearly uncomfortable as he encourages Conni to keep walking, and slowly they make their way through the fans and to the PETA platoon.

Red Dawn dismiss most of the politically charged chants as they continue to the entrance, but the Red Bull Icon becomes fixated on the banner hiding the best parts of the blonde, a brunette, a ginger, a raven, and a green haired women. With a boyish smirk under a furred brow.

BoolZ: Now this is a movement I can get behind.

Blonde: Animals are living beings! They feel! They hurt! Conni shouldn’t be subjected to this kind of barbaric behavior!

BoolZ: Wow, you make a fine point. I tell ya what. Maybe y’all banner brigade would like to continue this conversation inside?

The blonde is speechless at the sight of RBI’s smug suggestive stare. The other women all seem willing and in an instant the near bare, and now visible, blonde is alone outside holding the banner.

A large crowd within the sea of fans explode in unison chanting for RBI as he escorts his new activist friends into the arena with Conni.

We leave the GIW Tag Team Champions and we are greeted by the sagging, wrinkled, yet smiling face of Global Impact Wrestling’s Senior Enforcer Old Lady Levene, as she sits behind her desk.

Old Lady Levene: Happy New Year to you all, and thank you ever so much for choosing to join us here at Global Impact Wrestling, for our very first Sentinel of the new decade. I am assured that we have a great show in store for all you lucky dears, with many technical terms and manoeuvres that I’m sure each of you will appreciate.

Old Lady Levene: It is over a month since GIW’s highly successful Horizons 2009 Pay-Per-View, and although everyone in the company is very proud of our efforts, we will not rest on our laurels. In recent times details of upcoming Pay-Per-View events have been kept close at hand until the last minute. The decision has been made not to follow this path this month. Given as you have all waited so patiently for GIW to return to the air ways, we feel it would be unfair not to let you know when the next Pay-Per-View Extravaganza will be held.

Old Lady Levene: On Sunday February 7th 2010, from somewhere to be announced at a later date, Infinity 2010 will take place. The main event of GIW’s first Pay-Per-View of the year, will be the newly crowned Unified Global Champion Donovan Hastings first defence of his title against the official Number 1 Contender, Raenius.

Old Lady Levene: Infinity 2010 will, as is traditional, host GIW’s annual Global Challenge, a one night tournament that pits some of GIW’s best talents against one another. Given the events of the last year or so, GIW has found itself missing two vital components needed for its survival, its Heart and its Soul, therefore this year’s Global Challenge will be to crown the true ‘Heart and Soul of GIW’ and the qualifiers start tonight.

Old Lady Levene: Once again bless you all for joining us for our first show of 2010, and I genuinely hope you all enjoy it.

With that GIW’s Senior Enforcer fades from the screen, and the show is ready to begin proper.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Vinegar: Welcome to the first Sentinel of 2010! It’s great to be back, isn’t it, partner?

Hanson: Eh, whatever.

Vinegar: How was your break?

Hanson: I’d rather not talk about it.

Vinegar: What was the result of that law-

Hanson: I SAID I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.

Vinegar: I’m sensing some hostility or bitterness there. In any case, we’ve got a great show here to kick off the year, we’ve got some qualifying matches lined up for this year’s Global Challenge, but first up, I believe we’ll be hearing from the new Unified Global Champion!

Hanson: Well it’s about freakin’ time!

“Immortal” hits, and Donovan walks out with his entourage.

Vinegar: Hastings coming to the ring, accompanied by Calypso, Owen Peterson, and Cain Dolan.

Hanson: No burly men? Just kick me while I’m down, why don’t you.

Vinegar: Is Peterson carrying the title belt?

Hanson: Well it’s heavy, you can’t expect the Lord-Chief to burden himself with that.

Vinegar: Right, okay.

Hanson: Quiet now! He’s going to speak!

Hastings: Global Impact Wrestling is about to enter a new era. I know a lot of you little people were expecting me to bring a throne to the ring and sit in it while I spoke, but such trifling gestures are beneath me. I’ve ascended to a higher level.

Vinegar: So he’s sitting on the turnbuckle instead of a chair.

Hanson: It’s higher, weren’t you listening? Now quiet!

Hastings: It’s been a long road to get here, but I have held true to my promise to answer the call of destiny. For two years I said that this moment was inevitable, and at last it has finally come. I come before you as the Unified Global Heavyweight Champion. Yet I can’t help but be troubled by the fate that has befallen those that came before me. This championship has left a trail of pain and suffering in its wake. Travis Roberts. Alex Kiseragi. Even Declan Prescott. I refuse to let this be my downfall. I refuse to suffer as they suffered. Yet there is still a price to be paid. The demon must be fed. So do me a favor…and don’t take this personally.

Vinegar: OWEN PETERSON JUST HIT CAIN DOLAN IN THE HEAD WITH THE GLOBAL TITLE!

Hanson: Why are you shouting?

Vinegar: BECAUSE I WANT TO KNOW WHY!!!

Hanson: Well we won’t be able to hear if you keep shouting.

Hastings: You are that price, Cain. The title wants your blood. We’re going to have to give it. The championship cannot be denied. That part isn’t personal. Not that part…not that part.

Vinegar: Hastings is leaving the ring with Calypso and Peterson, and they’ve left Cain Dolan busted open in the center of the ring!

Hanson: It was the price that had to be paid, Nick! The Lord-Chief said it wasn’t personal!

Vinegar: He said that part wasn’t personal…as though there was a part that was!

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Vinegar: That’s right folks! We’re back!

Hanson: …

Vinegar: Uh, yeah first Sentinel of 2010! First Sentinel of the new decade! First Sentinel after the momentous end of 2009, Horizons!

Hanson: …

Vinegar: I guess uh, well I’m Nicolas Vinegar, and well maybe I’ll be doing this by myself tonight?

Hanson: …

Vinegar: Daniel Hanson, ladies and gentlemen, is a donkey loving virgin!

Hanson: …

Vinegar: Oh, come on!?! Dan, what’s wrong?

Hanson: …

Vinegar: Come on, you can tell me. We’ve been working together for what, like well to long honestly. But who do you know better? Why are you so quiet? You’re the color guy for Pete’s sake.

Hanson: Fine you wanna know? Fine I’ll tell ya. I’m afraid of getting sued again! Happy now?

Vinegar: Yes actually. Glad you learned your lesson.

Hanson: Yeah, yippee I learned a lesson. Hey, you got 75 cents? C’mon, loan me a dollar. I haven’t eaten in two days.

Vinegar: Loan? You? A dollar? Fat chance.

Hanson: Fine, then I’m not saying another word.

Vinegar: And people were against recaps? Pfft!

Dennis: Ladies and gentlemen welcome to Global Impact Wrestling’s Sentinel! This is your opening contest, and is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first standing six foot three inches and weighting in at 225 pounds. This is William Rivers!

"The Crusade" by Trivium begins to play, and William walks out and stands on the stage and holds his arms up cockily. He then begins to walk down the ramp at a quick pace smirking. He slides into the ring and leans over the top rope facing the crowd and smirking some more. He climbs a turnbuckle and holds both hands up at face level and holds hit index, middle, and ring finger up with the back of his hands facing the crowd.

Vinegar: This will be our first look at one of the GIW’s newest recruits. Mr. Rivers here signed on during our winter hiatus, and rumor has it he’s been chomping at the bit to see some action.

Hanson: …

Vinegar: OK then.

Dennis: And his opponent standing five foot nine inches, weighting in at 170 pounds, he is the PSYCHO Tony Lindsey!

“23 Days” by Framing Hanley begins to play as the arena goes black with a red spotlight turned on Psycho and while walking down to the pyro goes off then he runs to the ring with a sadistic grin on his face.

Vinegar: Nothing?

Hanson: … *stomach growling*…

The bell rings and the immediately it’s clear this contest is going to be about the size difference between Rivers and Lindsey. The collar and elbow tie up is easily controlled by the larger Rivers as he pushes Tony into the corner before unloading with a series of stiff right hands. Hazel East starts her count before forcing the separation. Rivers has a few stern words for the female referee while back up. Without warning Rivers charges the counter, Lindsey avoids contact leaving Rivers to avalanche the turnbuckle. Rivers turns to eat a standing drop kick that sends him back into the corner, and Lindsey follows up with his own hard right hands.

East again causes the separation, and that gives Rivers enough of a break to shoot out the corner leveling Lindsey with a clothesline. Rivers instead of peeling Lindsey off the mat takes the opportunity to apply ‘other submission holds’. Lindsey clearly should be in a world of hurt, but he keeps a somewhat composed expression on his face. Figuring it might be too early for ‘other submission holds’ to be truly effective Rivers rises to his feet and stomps brutally down on Lindsey’s head. Picking Psycho up, Rivers drops him with a huge German Suplex before climbing the ropes.

East starts a 10 count seeing as Rivers is now technically out of the ring, and William takes most of the count to pose for the crowd before leaping off the top at the count of 8 trying for Shooting Star Leg Drop he calls ‘The Flow of the River.” Lindsey barely avoids contact forcing Rivers to take the brunt of the impact on his back. Lindsey shoots to the ropes before sliding in for a very fast drop kick then follows up with a standing moonsault. Rivers slowly getting back to his feet avoids a scissors kick just enough, but Lindsey fires right away with a jumping high kick that puts W.R. back on the canvas. Lindsey wastes no time getting to the corner and top turnbuckle where perched he waits for Rivers to get to a vertical base. Psycho leaps off looking for the ‘Psycho Thriller’, Rivers hits the canvas as Tony lands on his feet. Rivers back up while Lindsey recovers, he knees Psycho in the small of the back, then before we know it hits the Riverbank for the win.

Dennis: Guys and Gals, here is your winner, William Rivers!

Vinegar: Tremendous match from these two, folks!

Hanson: …

Vinegar: Fine, here’s a dollar! I want that back when we get paid though!

Hanson: yay…

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Almost as if on cue “The One You Love to Hate” begins to blare through the arena as the lights drop and “MOMENTUM KILLER” flashes across the tron in huge gold letters. A few moments later the bass drum and drum beat starts and a video plays of Dirge driving an opponent head first into the canvas with the “Death In Vegas” before standing up and raising his hands.

Hanson: Oh hell…not him.

Vinegar: Maybe Hastings will come out here and protect his mouthpiece from the big, bad monster.

Hanson: Screw you.

Vinegar: By the way, you never told me what he said to you before he chokeslammed you…and since I’m mentioning that, I don’t recall your man-crush coming out to save you.

Hanson: I repeat…screw you.

After a few moments the lyrics start.

“You may not like the future and we’re not here to please you...we’ll take you to the killing floor.”

“You think you want to know me. You think you want to own me, but I have nothing you can buy.”

“I can break you.”

As the lyrics say “break you” it shows Dirge demolishing JK with the “Respect is Earned”, leaving him in a heap.

“I can raise you.”

The video shows Dirge holding a Championship Belt over his head as a huge grin sits on his face.

“Bring you to your knees...”

The video shows Dirge flattening Carnival.

“Because I’m the one you love to hate !”

The video package shows Dirge standing with the RAWF World Heavyweight Championship held overhead as a furious audience is shown booing hatefully at him. His face is covered by a satisfied, ear to ear smile.

Vinegar: I see we have some approximation of the old Dirge back.

Hanson: Yeah. He got out of his Emo stage.

Vinegar: You know something Dan, I’m sure he’d have no problem kicking your teeth in again.

After this plays strobe lights flash for a few moments before suddenly going out as two spotlights shine onto the stage. They stay settled on that spot for a few moments before Dirge comes walking out to the ring with a gigantic and utterly obnoxious smirk of unshakable confidence on his face. The RAWF World Heavyweight and ICW Television Championship each adorn a shoulder. Behind him Erik Drugonov and David Damarest walk out and stand a few steps away, Erik with his arms folded across his chest and Damarest with his hands behind his back and an evil smirk on his face. Dirge stands and soaks in the raw hatred of the crowd before arrogantly adjusting the collar of his leather coat and slowly sauntering down to the ring, with Erik and David a few steps behind him.

Hanson: You know, with the entourage that he drags around with him..you’d think he was an actor or something. Oh wait...he IS an actor. He pretends to be a good Wrestler after all...

Once he gets there he waits for Erik to walk up to his right side and Damarest to his left and hands each one of them one of the two Championships before he grabs the top rope and steps up onto the apron. He saunters to center ring and stands there silently with his arms folded across his chest as Erik and Damarest walk around the ring, up the steps and then enter the ring. They walk up a few steps behind Dirge and stand there with the two Championships resting on one of their shoulders each. Dirge waits for them to get into the ring and once they're there, Dirge takes both Championships from them, one in each hand and holds them high overhead. The fans boo the blatant showboating, which only draws a smile from him. After turning to all four corners of the ring and displaying the Championships he turns to his opponent and holds the two Championships out, blatantly showing them off to the crowd. He stands like that with an obnoxious grin on his face before finally handing the belts back to Erik and Damarest. After that he smirks and laughs, pulling a microphone from his jacket.

Dirge: What a difference a month makes.

He smiles as the fans boo him loudly, some of them already using profanity.

Dirge: One short month ago GIW was a completely different
company. One month ago we were standing on the cusp of Horizons. One month ago Travis Roberts was the Champion. One month ago, Donovan Hastings was nothing more than Old Lady Levene’s handpicked challenger, the delusional and self obsessed pretender to the throne. One month ago the Tag Team Champions were the Emo Asian and his partner, GIW’s walking, talking cliché and they were facing the Red Bull Chugging inmate and his partner of convenience. One month ago Raenius and I were having roadblocks thrown before us at every turn as GIW tried in every way that they could contrive to keep The Covenant at bay. One month ago I had to go through six people to claim what should have been mine by right.

His smile changes, pulling up more to one side and morphing into a self satisfied smirk...the kind of expression someone gets when they know something that you don’t and want to grind that fact into your face a little.

Dirge: My how things have changed.

Dirge: Now Donovan Hastings is the Global Heavyweight Champion and our Tag Team Championship is held by a Boolzian and his dog.

He shakes his head in disgust, his expression momentarily darkening before it suddenly brightens up into a very happy smile.

Dirge: More importantly...The Covenant is standing where it rightfully belongs.

Dirge: We hold the future in our hands, our grip crushing its throat as we choke the life out of this rotting corpse. Raenius is the Number One Contender to Hastings and the Global Heavyweight Championship and I have what I deserve for being as great as I am...

He looks at the two Championship Belts that adorn his shoulders before slipping them down into his hands and holding them up while Damarest steps up and takes the microphone from him.

Dirge: A guaranteed shot at Donovan Hastings or whomever holds the Championship at the time I choose to challenge for it.

He lowers the Championships so that they slide back down to his shoulders again and moves his hands down so that they are holding the belts on the straps, right below the title plates.

Dirge: It’s only a matter of time before the Global Heavyweight Championship ends up where it belongs...adoring a member of The Covenant. Finally the Championship will be carried by a Champion who brings respect and prestige to it.

The fans meet this statement with furious booing, although the current Champion is not a particularly popular man himself. Dirge notes this with a smirk.

Dirge: When I went on vacation last month, I had a lot of time to think. I had time to sit at home and consider the course that I was setting myself on after coming back from the dead. In that time I spent time with my wife, played with my little girls and talked to my friends and business partners. In that time I came upon a realization. I realized that I had allowed myself to react negatively to a challenge and allow myself to become one of you...

Dirge: That thought sickened me.

His expression changes to one of utter disgust, his lip curling up into a repulsed sneer. Behind him Damarest laughs.

Dirge: You see, I’m not one of you. I’m better than all of you.

His tone is arrogant and self assured and the fans respond to it accordingly and predictably with an even more fury laden chorus of rude and angry sounds. Dirge observes this and responds with a smirk of pure satisfaction.

Dirge: When life deals you a shit hand you all crawl into a corner and pout. I did that for nearly a month before I remembered just who the hell I am. I realized that my silent routine was just pouting, that not being who I am and being louder about it was just playing up to you worthless assholes and giving you exactly what you want. It’s also giving pissants like Donovan, Jet Somers, Brandon Brown and the Emo Asian, as well as the contemptuous AARP member who allegedly runs this place what they want.

He shifts the Championships on his shoulders and leans his head slightly to the right.

Dirge: I’m not in the business of making people happy...

Dirge: Besides...Christmas was last month.

He smiles snidely at the joke and chuckles to himself. Behind him both Erik and Damarest grin. The crowd’s response is a great deal less appreciative of the remarks as the boos, catcalls and obscenities increase in magnitude.

Dirge: With that said this is a new year, the year where I make my mark on this piss poor excuse for a Wrestling Promotion. It’s too bad that when I finally take my shot that I have to be stuck with a subpar excuse for a Champion like Hastings. At least in Roberts, in spite of all of his faults, I get actual competition. He’d make good Covenant material with a little bit of work.

He pauses long enough to smile conspiratorially at the remark before continuing, his voice calm and pleasantly conversational.

Dirge: Just remember one thing Hastings...I’m coming for you and I’m coming soon. It could be as soon as tonight...

He pauses again for effect, lowering his head a little and grinning as his eyes narrow. The effect of this gesture is that it creates a truly evil and maniacal expression and creates some shadowing around his eyes, eyes that seem to gleam with vile and self satisfied intent.

Dirge: I’d tell you to look over your shoulder for me...that’s just not my style though. I’m putting you and the rest of GIW on notice and when I walk up and issue my challenge to you, my declaration of war...

He raises his head, his eyes, facial expression and voice utterly serious.

Dirge: It will be to your face and so obvious that even an ass like you can’t misunderstand it.

He punctuates the statement by throwing the mic down onto the mat and turning to leave. He pauses for a moment to speak with Erik and Damarest and the three men share a laugh before departing the ring and heading back up the ramp. He pauses long enough at the stage to raise the Championship Belts over head again and then disappears backstage with Erik and Damarest close behind.

Hanson: He can’t talk to the Lord Chief like that ! He should show the Champion the proper respect !

Vinegar: Get real Dan, you know he doesn’t respect too many people here in GIW...although I have to say it almost sounded like he was throwing a bit of a recruitment pitch at Travis Roberts. That’s odd...and if it means anything it’s also potentially bad news for GIW.

Hanson: It doesn’t mean anything. The "Twisted High Commander" wouldn’t join with that freak-show group !

Vinegar: You know this for a fact Dan ?

Hanson: Well...no...but I just don’t believe it. Travis Roberts wouldn’t join that collection of freaks and weirdos.

Vinegar: Imagine if he did though. If he could be swayed into aligning himself with them it would mean bad things for this company.

Hanson: I’m not worried. Travis Roberts wouldn’t do that and if he did, the Lord Champion would stop them all.

Vinegar: "Lord Champion" ? You really are sickening Dan.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Vinegar: One match down and now for something I’ve been greatly looking forward to. It’s the first of tonight’s three Global Challenge qualifiers.

Hanson can be heard openly sobbing.

Vinegar: Oh crap, here we go.

Hanson continues crying.

Vinegar: Will you cut that out?

Hanson: I can’t help it.

Vinegar: Well would you try? You’re making me very uncomfortable.

Hanson: You’re uncomfortable? I have to sleep naked on the floor because the bailiffs took my bed and my clothes.

Vinegar: Stop being overdramatic. The bailiffs haven’t been near you yet.

Hanson: How do you…?

Vinegar: Common sense. The decision was only passed a few days ago.

Hanson: Well that’s not the point. The point is it’s coming. I’m doomed.

Vinegar: Don’t you have savings or anything? You get paid well here.

Hanson: No…I spend all my money on hookers and importing specialist Asian porn.

Vinegar: I guess I should have known that.

Hanson: I’m doomed!

Hanson starts to cry again.

The lights cut to black and red and white strobe lights alternate in beat with the rapid music as “Cyanide Sweet Tooth Suicide” Starts to play. Chassie walks swiftly onto the stage, looking at the people for a moment, then as the lyrics hit she descends the ramp, breaking into a run about halfway down.

Dennis: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is a Global Challenge 2010 Qualifier! Introducing first! Making her way to the ring, from Parts Unknown. Weighing in at 120lbs! Chassie Feeeeeeear!

When she reaches the ring she jumps, grabbing the top rope and springing herself up, flipping in the air and landing on her feet. She runs to a random turnbuckle and plants her feet on the corners of the middle turnbuckle, throwing up the horns and head banging briefly. Then she calmly jumps down and begins to stretch, waiting for her opponent with bloodlust in her eyes.

Vinegar: So, Chassie Fear looks pretty good, ‘ey? ‘ey?

Hanson: Meh.

Vinegar: Bet you wouldn’t mind giving her some…you know?

Hanson: What’s the point? No-one will ever love me.

Vinegar: Oooooook.

The lights dim with each tolling of the bell as well as any other speakers save for the music and the commentators mics. As the Guitar starts up a spot light goes to the entrance...with no one there. Continues..spot light searches the ring. No one. From the audience themselves he arises, towering over the local ring side attendees.

Dennis: And her opponent! From The Devil’s Basin, Texas. Weighing in at 287lbs! Exiiiiile!

Jumping the railing he fights his way to the ring and…

Vinegar: Oooooh! Chassie Fear is back and not wasting any time with that suicide dive to the outside!

Chassie shoots through the ropes just as Exile gets over the crowd barrier and slams him back into it.

Vinegar: Smart move by the Dark Rose. This is how it’s going to have to be if she’s going to take down a man the size of The Forgotten One.

Chassie backs off along the crowd barrier as Exile slumps to the floor. She charges back and boots him hard across the face, laying him out across the floor. Exile slowly starts to regain his senses and Chassie steps back up onto the apron. As Exile gets to his feet she jumps off and hits an elbow to the top of the head, knocking him back down.

Vinegar: Chassie Fear gets back into the ring. I think she wants Owen Peterson to start counting Exile out but this match hasn’t officially started.

Chassie backs up across the ring and Exile is finally able to roll under the bottom rope.

Ding! Ding!

Vinegar: This ones finally underway.

Chassie launches across the ring and hits Exile with a baseball slide dropkick that forces him back out to the arena floor. This time Peterson starts to count.

1!

2!

3!

4!

5!

Exile pushes up and gets back into the ring. Chassie tries to dropkick him out again but this time Exile rolls aside and gets to his feet as Chassie slides to the outside.

Vinegar: Fear going to the well a second time but this time Exile has it covered.

Hanson: I used to have it covered.

Vinegar: No you didn’t.

Hanson: I know! *cries*

Chassie jumps back up to the apron and Exile tries to grab her. Chassie shoulder thrusts him in the gut between the ropes then slingshots behind him. She pulls him down into a school boy roll up.

Vinegar: First cover of the match.

1!

Vinegar: Kick out by Exile at one.

Both competitors get to their feet and Exile is able to grab her into a collar and elbow tie-up. He whips her into the far corner and runs in after her. Chassie deftly floats over and hit’s a dropkick to Exile’s back. As he turns around Chassie nails him with an Enziguri. Exile falls out of the corner. Chassie goes up the ropes and hits him with a superstar press.

Vinegar: Big high flying manoeuvre from the Dark Rose. Holds it for another cover.

1!

2!

Vinegar: Still not enough.

Chassie tries to pull Exile back up to his feet but he shoves her away. As she charges back he is able to turn her around and whip her to the ropes. He knocks her down with a shoulder block on the rebound. Exile runs to the ropes but Chassie throws herself at his feet. He steps over and rebounds again, this time going under a leapfrog. On the second return she takes him down with a hurricanrana.

Vinegar: Hurricanrana, rolled up into a pin. Chassie hooks the legs.

1!

2!

Vinegar: Exile able to power out at the last moment.

Hanson: Not for long though. Nothing ever lasts!

Vinegar: In this case as Chassie rolls him into a small package.

1!

2!

Vinegar: Kick out again. Exile to his feet. Backslide by Fear.

1!

2!

Vinegar: Series of quick pins but she still can’t end this.

Exile gets to his feet as Chassie attempts a springboard cross body. He catches her in mid air, then starts to back up towards the ropes.

Vinegar: Oh I’ve seen this before. Exile looking for the Mind Bender.

Exile drapes Chassie’s legs over the ropes. Before he can hit the stunner though, Chassie wriggles back to the apron. As Exile turns he is hit with a springboard tornado DDT.

Vinegar: What a move! That could be it right there.

Hanson: She’s not following up though….

Vinegar: I think she wants to make sure of it.

Fear quickly leaps to the top rope, turns and…

Vinegar: Fearless! The Dark Rose just nailed the Fearless! Here’s the cover!

1!

2!

3!

Ding! Ding!

Dennis: Here is your winner! Chassiiiiiiiie Feeeear!

Vinegar: A great win for Chassie Fear there makes her the first qualifier for this years Global Challenge.

Hanson: Woo.

Vinegar: Could you at least pretend to be happy? You’re dragging the whole show down.

Hanson: What do you expect me to do?

Vinegar: I don’t know. Verbally felate our new Unified Global Champion or something.

Hanson: Ok, I’ll try, but no promises.

Vinegar: That’s all I ask.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Jason Reeves is standing by backstage with Cain Dolan, whose forehead is bandaged.

Reeves: I’m here with “The Masked Devil” Cain Dolan, who earlier tonight was attacked by Owen Peterson at the command of our new Unified Champion, Donovan Hastings! Cain, what is your reaction to this shocking turn of events?

Dolan: Everybody knows that Donovan doesn’t have the firmest grip on reality, but he’s really driven off the cliff this time. The title wants blood? It demands a price to be paid? I see now that he has to be stopped, and I intend to do it. I’ll take that title from him before it destroys him.

Reeves: I don’t mean to be a downer, but you haven’t had much of a career here in GIW. You really haven’t done anything to warrant a shot at the title.

Dolan: Not yet, Jason. But I’ve already figured out how, and that’s the Global Challenge. I’ve already talked with Old Lady Levene, and next week I have a qualifying match to get into the tournament. Once I win it and I’m declared the Heart and Soul of GIW, Donovan will have no choice but to defend the title against me.

Reeves: What do you think he meant when he referred to a part of what he did being not personal?

Voice: I can tell you that.

Donovan walks up on the other side of Reeves, a smirk on his face as Cain glares at him.

Hastings: Cain broke a commandment, perhaps one of the most important. Thou shalt not covet thy Lord’s woman. You brought this on yourself.

Dolan: I did what you asked.

Hastings: And who told you to do that? You made this bed. Go sleep in it.

Donovan walks away, and Cain seethes.

Dolan: He’s done it again.

Reeves: Done what again?

Dolan: Years ago, I called myself the Lord of Pain. Donovan beat me in a match, and he took the moniker for himself.

Reeves: I’m not getting it.

Dolan: You called me the Masked Devil. But I’m not the Masked Devil. I’m not…he is.

Cain walks away.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Vinegar: And that just goes to show you folks that anything can happen in the …

Hanson: Whoa there Nicky boy! Don’t get sued for breaking copyright or what ever.

Vinegar: Still? You’ve been fed are you really still hung up on this?

Hanson: What the fuck? Of course…

Vinegar: And here’s the FCC.

Hanson:... I’m still ‘hung up’ on this! Listen. In my day, before my god damned neck got broke, when I was in active competition if one of the boys in the back got outta line or really just pissed you off do you think we took them to court? Fuck no.

Vinegar: That’s Daniel Hanson, this is all Daniel Hanson. I don’t want to go to jail.

Hanson: Yeah, fuck you and your pussy footing around. Alex Kiseragi is a goddamned professional fighter. We’ve seen that awkward little bastard beat the shit out of women, he’s kicked people out of three story windows, and tonight that’s to that old bitch senior citizen enforcer he’s gonna wrestle a mother fucking dog!

Vinegar: Is there a point?

Hanson: You’re goddamned right there’s a point! Where were the charges for assault and battery, attempted murder, and animal cruelty? Oh that’s right. We’re a god damned mother fucking professional wrestling company.

Dennis: … pounds, he is the Harlequin of Horror, this is CaRNiVaL!

White Zombie’s ‘Grease Paint and Monkey Brains’ can be heard in the background as the camera stays on Vinegar and Hanson.

Vinegar: What are you suggesting?

Hanson: I’m suggesting that before my injury I would have brutally dismantled some little bitch that didn’t have the mettle to not be ‘offended’ by a few off color remarks. I’m suggesting that after all the bullshit we’ve had to sit and watch in that ring the very idea of a lawsuit to settle a disagreement is one of the faggy’est things I’ve every heard of and only a true pecker polisher would even come up with such an ‘enlightened’ course of action.

Vinegar: Gonna give him all you got huh? You’re not staying with me when you can’t pay your rent.

Hanson: Mother fucking right. I’m staying in YO MOMMA! You gonna sue me too?

Dennis: And his opponent. Standing six foot nine inches, weighting in at 326 pounds, he is the Momentum Killer, his is Dirge!

Almost as if on cue “The One You Love to Hate” begins to blare through the arena as the lights drop and “MOMENTUM KILLER” flashes across the tron in huge gold letters. A few moments later the bass drum and drum beat starts and a video plays of Dirge driving an opponent head first into the canvas with the “Death In Vegas” before standing up and raising his hands. After a few moments the lyrics start.

“You may not like the future and we’re not here to please you...we’ll take you to the killing floor.”

“You think you want to know me. You think you want to own me, but I have nothing you can buy.”

“I can break you.”

As the lyrics say “break you” it shows Dirge demolishing JK with the “Respect is Earned”, leaving him in a heap.

“I can raise you.”

The video shows Dirge holding a Championship Belt over his head as a huge grin sits on his face.

“Bring you to your knees...”

The video shows Dirge flattening Carnival.

“Because I’m the one you love to hate !”

The video package shows Dirge standing with the RAWF World Heavyweight Championship held overhead as a furious audience is shown booing hatefully at him. His face is covered by a satisfied, ear to ear smile.

After this plays strobe lights flash for a few moments before suddenly going out as two spotlights shine onto the stage. They stay settled on that spot for a few moments before Dirge comes walking out to the ring with a gigantic and utterly obnoxious smirk of unshakable confidence on his face. The RAWF World Heavyweight and ICW Television Championship each adorn a shoulder. Behind him Erik Drugonov and David Damarest walk out and stand a few steps away, Erik with his arms folded across his chest and Damarest with his hands behind his back and an evil smirk on his face. Dirge stands and soaks in the raw hatred of the crowd before arrogantly adjusting the collar of his leather coat and slowly sauntering down to the ring, with Erik and David a few steps behind him.

Once he gets there he waits for Erik to walk up to his right side and Damarest to his left and hands each one of them one of the two Championships before he grabs the top rope and steps up onto the apron. He saunters to center ring and stands there silently with his arms folded across his chest as Erik and Damarest walk around the ring, up the steps and then enter the ring. They walk up a few steps behind Dirge and stand there with the two Championships resting on one of their shoulders each. Dirge waits for them to get into the ring and once they're there, Dirge takes both Championships from them, one in each hand and holds them high overhead. The fans boo the blatant showboating, which only draws a smile from him. After turning to all four corners of the ring and displaying the Championships he turns to his opponent and holds the two Championships out, blatantly showing them off to that person. He stands like that with an obnoxious grin on his face before finally handing the belts back to Erik and Damarest. After that he smirks and laughs at the person then backs into his corner and lets the referee check him. Once that happens, Dirge removes his leather coat and his shirt and hands them to Erik, who promptly leaves the ring, along with Damarest.

Vinegar: Maybe we should get to the recap quick before you really do end up back in court.

Hanson: Fuck the courts those bunch of over paid holier than me pieces of monkey scat. I had a right to be judged by my peers not some fudge packing San Fran Sucku hippy bitch!

Glenn Burke calls for the bell and with a flash of the purest evil a smile can produce Dirge walks to the center of the ring while Carnival backs up to the corner holding his hands out in front of him. Joyous sadism splayed in the jagged grin of CaRN as he begins digging under his kilt. Dirge doesn’t allow Carnival to play with himself though breaks into a charge, avalanches The Mirthful Menace in the corner, then proceeds to beat him to a knee with clubbing forearm smashes.

Glenn Burke forces the separation, Dirge ignoring the opportunity to banter, charges back into the corner as Carnival gets back to his feet, and again immediately returns to clubbing the Clown Prince of Hardcore like a baby seal in off the coast of Greenland.

Glenn Burke again insists on the break, Dirge backs up enough to get a running start and levels Carnival with a running Mafia kick in the corner. Dirge pulls the Grinning Reaper to the center of the ring, hoists him up then simply lets him fall in the Death in Vegas for the three count.

Dennis: Here is your winner. The Covenant Colossus, DIRGE!

Vinegar: A seemingly much more driven and focused Dirge this week.

Hanson: Yeah, go figure a wrestler actually, uh, wrestling! Incredible!

Vinegar: Regardless. Talk has been about a new found sense of focus for the Momentum Killer, and if this was any indication our new Unified Global Champion could be in trouble.

Hanson: Nigga, NAACP can suck a dick, please! You don’t go from beating Travis Roberts in the greatest, yet tragic, night in the history of our business to losing to a Dirge because he’s finally decided he really really really wants to win now.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Vinegar: It’s been a hell of a night so far, and we’re not even half way through proceedings.

Hanson: It’s been alright. But it can only get better...

Vinegar: Finally a more positive attitude from you tonight.

Hanson: You didn’t let me finish, it can only get better, but then get worse.

Vinegar: Why?

Hanson: Well for everything worth watching tonight, for instance two Lord Champion appearances, we get something that levels out the euphoria, for instance two sightings of Dirge. The next match has Malise in it, which is great, some nice eye candy, but then it’s also got the return of that gibbering buffoon the Crimson Ghost, and their hasn’t even been a sniff of Chinatsu. Travis Roberts is gonna have a hell of a job pulling this show out of the forgettable category, by the time we roll round to his match, Randy Boolzian, Brandon Brown and Alex Kiseragi may well have destroyed any chances tonight had of being...fun.

Vinegar: Well I think it’s been great. We’ve seen Donovan Hastings turn on his recent ally Cain Nolan, Chassie Fear become the first official qualifier for GIW’s Search for the True Heart and Soul, and Dirge state his intentions forcefully, both verbally and physically. And now we’ve got the second Global Challenge Qualifier of the night....lets go over to Mitchell...

Hanson: OK, tonight could be saved, I've got word in my ear there has been an incident backstage....

We exit from the view of the ring, and cut backstage to the holding area behind the curtains, where we view the unconscious bodies of both the Crimson Ghost and Malise. Standing over them both is a face not seen in GIW for some time, a face that has seen more than most in the world, one that has been weathered by the very force of what it has witnessed.

It is the face of Cal Raynor, AKA Dredd. He stares into the camera, and then just turns and walks off in the opposite direction of the ring, and we cut back to a stunned arena floor.

Vinegar: I guess we won’t be seeing those two in competition tonight....but what do you make of Dredd’s return Dan?

Hanson: His first, or possibly second, act on arrival is knocking The Crimson Ghost unconscious...I think it’s great!

Vinegar: Well he’s left a gaping hole in the Global Challenge’s qualifiers here tonight, but we still have one more to come folks, and that’s up next.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Vinegar: Ladies and Gentlemen it’s been a packed night so far here on GIW and we’re not even close to being done.

Hanson: You speak for yourself.

Vinegar: So next up we’ve got the last of tonight’s Global Challenge 2010 qualifiers as Jet Somers is about to face off against KvK.

Hanson: …

Vinegar: Are you going to help me out at all?

Hanson: What’s the point?

Vinegar: I think in your case it’s that if you don’t then you’ll get fired. Then you’ll have no money and no job.

Hanson: Oh crap, you’re right for once.

Vinegar: I am, so suck it up and commentate.

For Whom the Bell Tolls starts to play but no-one really seems to care. KvK walks out onto the ramp.

Dennis: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is a Global Challenge 2010 qualifier! Introducing first, fighting out of Orlando, Florida. Weighing in at 238lbs! KaaaaaaaaaaayVeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeKaaaaaaaaay!

KvK makes his way down the ramp and climbs onto the apron and into the ring. His music fades as he waits.

A silhouette resembling Jet Somers appears in the distance of the hallway, walking toward the screen. A distorted and distant Mark Collie wails: 'In time, your time will be no more...,' and the vertical control suddenly flips out as Nonpoint's "Everybody Down" hits hard and Jet runs out from behind the curtain to a much greater ovation.

Dennis: And his opponent. From Deep Creek, Mississippi. Weighing in at 185 lbs! Jet Someeeeeeeeers!!!

Jet runs to the edge of the stage and pumps his fist in the air a few times. At 'And when I stomp you' Jet sprints down the ramp, slapping hands in the crowd as he goes, running to leap onto the apron of the ring. He grabs the rope with one hand and pumps the other fist in the air on each 'Everybody Down!' chant of the chorus. Jet finally steps in, bouncing on the balls of his feet and throwing shadow punches to warm up.

Vinegar: Only a few months ago these two were challenging for the Tag titles together.

Hanson: I don’t think either of them were entirely happy about it though.

Vinegar: I think you’re right. Either way, they should know each others in-ring ability well enough to make this an interesting contest.

Hanson: Interesting is a very strong word.

Vinegar: It’s not really.

Hanson: It is around these parts.

Vinegar: Well I’m going to enjoy it and so are these fans here.

Ding! Ding!

Vinegar: And they don’t have any longer to wait. This ones underway with both men circling the ring. Looking for an opportunity to gain an early upper hand.

As they circle, KvK shoots for a collar and elbow tie up. Jet counters with a left jab to the head of KvK that rocks him back. KvK falls against the ropes and bounces back to take a swing at Jet who takes him over with an arm drag. KvK rolls through to his feet and comes back only to be taken over with a second arm drag.

Vinegar: Jet Somers is giving up a lot of size here in this one. It’ll be interesting to see how that factors into this as the match goes on.

Hanson: Factor in KvK’s likelihood to cheating to against Jet Somers absolute impossibility of doing so. Did I mention I hate do-gooders?

Vinegar: I’ve kind of gathered it over the years.

Jet puts KvK into an arm wringer before striking him in the tricep and kicking him in the torso, dropping KvK to his knees. Jet pushes KvK’s face to the ground with his feet and starts to tug back on the targeted left arm.

Vinegar: It seems Somers has come in here with a game plan.

Hanson: Target a body part? How original.

Vinegar: It may not be rocket science but that doesn’t make it any less effective.

Jet gets up to his feet, still holding the arm, then slams it down into the mat.

Vinegar: And right here it could be just what Jet needs to bring down the bigger man.

Jet starts to stomp down on KvK’s arm as Klaus scrambles away and wraps his free arm around the bottom rope. Owen Peterson gets between the pair of them and forces Jet to back up. KvK gets up to his feet. The two go at it again, this time KvK able to get the tie-up and drive Jet back into the corner. As KvK tries to strike though, Jet ducks the shot and sets Klaus up in the corner.

Vinegar: Great reflexes shown by The Wild Card.

Hanson: Or at least they would be if KvK had any kind of speed.

Vinegar: Do you have to put a downer on everything?

Hanson: Yes. Everyone will feel my pain.

Jet quickly clinches KvK up and punishes his midsection with a barrage of Muay Thai knee strikes. As Jet lets go, Klaus falls out of the corner onto his face. Jet drags KvK up to the middle of the ring and goes back to the left arm. He drops down and pulls it up into a hammerlock, followed up with more knee strikes to the elbow and shoulder.

Vinegar: Somers going back to that arm now. It’s going to just be burning with pain by now.

Jet finishes up by locking in a deep Kimura behind KvK’s back.

Vinegar: And the crowd are almost deafening. I think they sense the end here.

Hanson: We can only hope.

Vinegar: That hold is in deep. I don’t know if KvK has enough to get out of it.

Just as Vinegar speaks, Klaus rolls over, dragging Jet over with him. Jet loses grip on the arm as KvK is able to pull him into a small package.

Vinegar: Countered! Here’s a cover!

1!

2!

Vinegar: Somers kicks out. KvK almost stole one right there.

Both men get back to their feet and KvK hit’s a dropkick which knocks Jet back into the ropes. Klaus gets back to his feet and sends Jet running with an Irish whip. He hits him with a back elbow on the rebound then drops the other elbow across the smaller mans sternum. He stays down for a pin.

Vinegar: Another cover from KvK.

1!

2!

Vinegar: Again, just a two count.

Hanson: KvK seems to have taken a measure of control back in this one.

Vinegar: That’s true but he’s in much worse shape than his opponent at this point.

KvK pulls Jet back up to his feet and hits him with a series of forearm shots that leave him dazed. He follows it up with the Boring Elbow, a discus elbow smash that knocks Jet to the ground.

Vinegar: A huge strike. That could be it.

Hanson: Could be but KvK isn’t going for the pin. He’s got Jet back up and into the corner.

KvK lifts a still groggy Jet onto the top turnbuckle and climbs up as well.

Vinegar: Could be a superplex in the works here.

Both men get up to their feet on the top turnbuckle. KvK goes for the superplex but Jet blocks it. A hard knee strike to the body knocks KvK back down into the ring. Jet climbs down as KvK gets back up to his feet. Jet charges and looks for a superman punch. KvK ducks under it and turns back as Jet overshoots. Before he can react though, Jet has his bad left arm and launches into a flying armbar.

Vinegar: Flying armbar! Submission hold locked in out of nowhere!

Hanson: And KvK taps out.

Ding! Ding!

Dennis: Here is your winner! Jet Someeeeeeers!!!

Vinegar: Impressive win for The Wild Card. Jet Somers advances to the Global Challenge at Infinity and I suspect he’ll be a real contender for it.

Hanson: Could you really see Jet Somers being, ‘The Heart and Soul of GIW’?

Vinegar: Actually I could. Jet Somers has just the kind of Heart and Soul that this company needs right now.

Hanson: You want to make us all baby hugging hippies?

Vinegar: What’re you afraid of? Getting sued again?

Hanson: Yes!

Vinegar: Maybe it’ll teach you some tolerance.

Jet Somers rolls out of the ring and heads to the back, high-fiving fans along the way while KvK remains in the ring nursing his injured shoulder and elbow.

Vinegar: Next up it’s a…sort of…rematch from Horizons as former Tag Champs Alex Kiseragi and Brandon Brown take on the reigning champions, Randy Boolzian and…his dog.

Hanson: It’s going to be…interesting.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

We reopen with Jet strollign out of the GIW arena doors.

Vinegar: His disgust with this place is obvious, Jet isn't sticking around to celebrate!

Hanson: There he goes, into that godawful car.

Vinegar: I'd say he wants to spend as little time here as possible.

Hanson: I can't blame him...

Vinegar: Still sore from that ass pounding A-kis gave you?

Hanson: Watch it! What's this?

A quick clip package runs, recapping the unlikely team-up between Randy Boolzian and Moss Edwards. A handshake backstage under the approving eye of Grace Harding. The epic tag battle at Horizons. Kiseragi leaving ringside with Katie Piper in his arms as the Stargazer hits and the three count echos out. Red Dawn with their hands raised in the victory. Then...the belt to the face. The Box Office Poison. Moss standing above BoolZ.

The package fades away, and now we're in the present time. BoolZ marches his way through the backstage area, his four-legged tag partner happily tromping behind him with her belt hanging out of her mouth.

"Have fun out there, you two."

He looks over his shoulder, and sees the smirk firmly entrenched on the Head of Creative, Moss Edwards. His immaculate three piece suit standing in contrast to the shaggy red mop on his head. The mass of muscle known as Colin Davis standing beside him in a similarly crisp suit. The tension, we'll just call it palpable.

"Now, now. I hope we can work together, Randolph. I mean, I love how you're running with this intergender, interspecies team, even though that's more likely due to the fact that you've alienated every single person in this arena. But as long as we're both operating at the top of our ability, we should be able to come up with some interesting new concepts, right? I'd hate to have to fall back on the usual, tag champs in singles matches BS. Although it would be fun to see, oh let me see of the top of my head, say, Raenius try to powerbomb a pooch."

Randy takes a step towards his former partner, only to have Colin Davis step in the way. Randy shakes his head. "Are you asking for a dance, mutton chops?"

Edwards peers from behind his associate. "I love your concept of revenge, Randolph. I humiliate you in front of a world-wide audience, and achieve a position of power over you that you could never hope to match, even IF you weren't addicted to your own destruction, and showcase to your adoring public that, for all your macho antihero posturing, you're actually still an emotionally stunted little bubble boy who desperately wishes he got to play with his friends outside in the real world, and what do you in return? You rough me up in the parking lot and have your dog pee in my car. Which reminds me, how do you feel about Special Referee Michael Vick? I think that would put asses in the seats, don't you?"

Randy gives one final glare to the former members of Red Dawn, then starts to walk away. Edwards calls after him. "Oh, and Grace wanted me to tell you that it's common courtesy to take your dick OUT of the slut BEFORE you answer the phone. Her words, not mine."

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Vinegar: Ladies and Gentlemen we are just one match away from the first Global Impact Wrestling Main Event of 2010, and this next one is gonna be interesting to say the least.

Hanson: Boolzian, Brown and Kiseragi...Interesting? Really?

Vinegar:...

Hanson: Why are you raising you’re eyebrows, I didn’t say anything that could be deemed “inappropriate”.

Vinegar: I’m just keeping an eye out for you, you make any more mistakes you’re gonna be with Savana and Prescott under the bridge.

Hanson: The Hanson Train can handle itself...

Vinegar: Yeah, it’s looked that way recently...

Hanson: Be quiet, I was on the phone to my attorney during the break and we’re gonna win the appeal hands down, and quite simply too.

Vinegar: Attorney? How can you afford an attorney still...you made me pay for lunch!

Hanson: He’s doing it Pro-Boner or summat....

Vinegar: Should we focus on the match...

Hanson: Is that Diane Meyers?

Vinegar: Who?

Hanson: That woman witht he PETA lot, she used to be my neighbour, accused me of abusing my dog.

Vinegar: I didn’t know you had a dog.

Hanson: that’s the strange thing, I don’t, never had, but she was convinced she heard the sounds of a dog in distress coming from my apartment every night...strange...

Vinegar: Well, whilst everyone else is intrigued as to how this match will go down, that group is anything but intrigued. They are vocally in opposition to the next match, and their political chants are only just being drowned out by the loyal GIW fans.

Hanson: Usually I’m with anyone who’s against Randy Boolzian, but in this case I’m all for him.

Dennis: The next match is scheduled for one fall and is a...tag...match....of sorts...

“Kickstart my Heart”

Dennis: introducing first, making his final appearance for Global Impact Wrestling....BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWN!!!!

Vinegar: the fans go wild, whilst most of the hype around this match has concerned The Red Bull Icon’s choice of tag team partner, these fans have not forgotten it will serve as Brandon Brown’s FINAL GIW match...

Hanson: And how fitting, he’s gonna be facing off against a drooling imbecile that’s forever chasing its own tail....and his dog.

Vinegar: I’m sure this wasn’t exactly how he pictured his final GIW match...

Hanson: Why did he wait till now? Why not just leave after Horizons? As ever Brandon Brown’s logic is even more confusing than his TV show...

“Teahouse”

Dennis: And his partner, who will be known tonight as Daniel Hanson’s Daddy...ALLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEXXX KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEERAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGIIII!!!

Vinegar: The Dragon comes flying out from behind the curtains, a smile plastered across his face, looks like 2010 has been good to him so far...

Hanson: He better enjoy it while he lasts, trust me.

Vinegar: are you making a threat to The Dragon? As laughable as it is, I’m pretty sure that is illegal.

Hanson: I’m not allowed to give my opinion now? Isn’t that my job? He might be able to win in the courtroom when he can hire the best of the best to do his work for him, but in the centre of that ring, he ain’t ever getting the backing of Blessed Immortality, so he’s screwed...things are only gonna get worse.

Vinegar: Everyone is entitled to their opinion.

Hanson: Apparently not...

“Wonder What’s Next”

Dennis: And their opponents, The GIW Tag team Champions....RAAAAAAAAAAAAANDY BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAN & COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENCEEES!

Hanson: And yet another title belt is made worthless by Randy Boolzian’s mutt. Slober and chew marks, exactly the kind of reward you want after a hard fought contest...

Vinegar: I can’t attest to understanding what is going through BoolZ’s mind during this endeavour, not only is it endangering an animal’s life, but he might as well be giving the titles up.

Hanson: You say it like he had much choice; people would rather have no title than rely on Randy Boolzian to watch their back. And even if he did have a choice, Boolzian always makes the worst decisions...

Vinegar: And your ex-neighbour manages to hit Randy Boolzian with a mouthful of spit, right on the shoulder...

Hanson: Bitch...my hatred for Boolzian doesn’t extend to that conniving whore. She doesn’t want anyone to experience any form of happiness...

Vinegar: I think they hate Randy even more than you do, well at least the men do, some fo the girls don’t seem to want to make eye contact...but RBI just shrugs it off and climbs into the ring with Conni...and it looks like this match is about to get underway.

Brandon and A-Kis discuss strategy in the corner whilst Hazel East struggles trying to wrestle the Tag team Championship from Connie’s jaws, he thinks it’s a game and the harder the referee applies her grip, the more he clenches his teeth and holds firm, all the while wagging his tail, eventually BoolZ steps in and eventually Connie reluctantly lets go.

In this time it’s been decided ‘The Dragon’ will start things off for the former Tag team Champions, and Randy smirks, and steps out of the ring, letting, to a chorus of boo’s from the protestors at ringside, Conni start this match off against the Dragon.

A-Kis steps up nervously, and seems to be trying to get close to Connie to stroke him and placate him, but the little terrier quickly dodges every attempted touch from the Dragon. Eventually A-Kis gives up and stands to his feet, looking thoughtfully at the dog. Who looks up at A-Kis, and thinks about dinner.

Randy begins calling instructions from the canvas, and Connie slowly turns his back on A-Kis, looking straight at his owner, and Randy chuckles at the sight of his pet turning its back on the Dragon, who is becoming more and more frustrated at what is quickly descending into a farce of a match. Connie then trots over to BoolZ and Randy pats him on the head, initiating the tag. He then places the tag rope in Connies mouth, and he stands on the canvas wagging his tail .BoolZ looks over at the PETA crowd, before locking eyes with Alex Kiseragi, both men glare into one another’s eyes, probably reliving past meetings.

BoolZ makes the first move and it’s a rolling clutch pin out of nowhere, which doesn’t even get a one count, but has taken The Dragon off his guard quickly. Randy swings against the ropes and hits him with a running DDT and quickly brings him back to his feet and goes for a vertical suplex, only for A-Kis to twist out of it and land behind the RBI, and he executes a German Suplex with a release, but Randy manages to land on his feet, and as A-Kis turns his aims an elbow at his skull. But once again Alex manages to dodge it and he bends down and goes to sweep BoolZ off his legs, but the RBI manages to hop over the sweeping legs.

A-Kis makes a blind tag and whips BoolZ against the ropes, and drops leapfrogs him, and then lays down on the return. As BoolZ hops over him Brandon climbs through the ropes, and then launches, hitting Randy with a spear.

Vinegar: This is the problem BoolZ is gonna face until he loses those titles, any well oiled team is gonna have the smarts to outmanoeuvre him.

Brandon gets on top for a while, but BoolZ swings the match in his favour after Brandon attempts a brainbuster, and BoolZ’s spins it out into a DDT, getting himself a two count before ‘The Most Resilient Man in GIW’ manages to kick out, BoolZ on the attack not launches himself at Brandon, who sidesteps and swings him into the ropes, and then catches him with a drop toe hold that sends the GIW Tag team Champion flying into the bottom turnbuckle of his own corner. Connie plods over and licks RBI on the forehead...

Vinegar: Hazel East motions that a tag has been made...

Hanson: I don’t think PETA are gonna be happy with Brandon brown, he’s just reached into his pants...

Vinegar: Err...

Hanson: And produced a small red ball...and he begins to bounce it....

Vinegar: Connie is mesmerised and he comes trotting into the ring...

Hanson: Brandon steps back, still showing the ball to Connie, throwing it from one hand to the next...Connie following the fast moving ball...

Vinegar: And finally Brandon throws it on the floor, it bounces high in the air, Connie jumps for it...GOOD GOD NO!

Hanson: SUPERKICK! SUPERKICK TO CONNIE!

Vinegar: WE FORGAVE YOU NIC CAGE CAUSE HE’S A TALENTLESS WASTE OF OXYGEN, AND WE FORGAVE YOU OPRAH BECAUSE SHE’S SANCTIMONIOUS...BUT WE WILL NOT STAND FOR YOU SUPERKICKING A DOG BRANDON BROWN!

Whilst Vinegar almost melts down at this shocking display by one of GIW’s favourite sons, the arena goes silent, in shock. Apart from the band of PETA demonstrators who manage to storm the ring, and they engulf Brandon Brown, throwing bottles of fake blood over him, and leaping onto his body.

Vinegar: I cannot believe what I have just seen, Brandon Brown’s final gesture to Global Impact Wrestling is superkicking Randy Boolzian’s pet dog out of the ring...

Hanson: But it’s kinda fitting...

Vinegar: I disagree, and this match has been abandoned, the PETA protestors are encamped in the ring, and are unwilling to move...but it seems they are now...but WITH Brandon Brown, what do they have planned for him?

Hanson: Are you really concerned after what he just did?

Vinegar: I guess not, but Randy holds the unconscious Connie in his arms, and glares at Brandon Brown, as Alex Kiseragi stands rooted to the spot, with a look of pure shock plastered across his face. I was not expecting that, hopefully the main event will be more straightforward...and it’s up next!

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

We see Raenius getting ready to leave the Covenant side of the arena, but he seems to be interested in something on the floor. A great dark puddle is forming down the hallway.

Hanson: What the hell is that?

Vinegar: Raenius checking his watch, seems he has time to investigate.

Raenius stops to knock at a door, and Chassie Fear pokes her head out.

Chassie Fear: Hey, what's up?

Raenius points curiously at the mess that is inching its way down the corridor.

Raenius: Is that what I think it is?

Chassie Fear: Er... I don't know. Let's check it out.

Together, the old friends follow the trail back along the arena hallways, to a loading dock.

Raenius: Heads up, love

Raenius, exhibiting an almost sixth sense, pulls Chassie down as a full bottle of Midleton Very Rare crashes to the concrete floor behind them. Noticing the bottle, and the many shards of other expensive spirits laying about, Raenius takes a deep breath. Obviously someone is trying to provoke him.

Raenius puts a hand out to keep Chassie back as he rounds the dock door, and there, in the bed of an restored IH pickup, Jezebel Saint is chucking bottle after bottle of whiskey, lager, scotch, bourbon, cream, even poitin. Raenius crosses his arms, and you can feel a smirk emanating from behind his mask.

Raenius: Say, you wouldn't be trying to drag me into a tiff, would you?

Jezebel just grins as she hefts a bottle of Evan Williams, then lobs it over his head to shatter against the wall.

Raenius: Frankly, I'd have to say this is probably one of your more immature pranks, Jez. I thought cookies and aprons taught you a lesson, but turns out you're still quite the joker. Cry off, you're not going to drag me into your mission by wasting your hard earned cash on perfectly good spirits.

Another bottle lobbed back through the entrance, and Jezebel continues to grin.

Raenius: Now, if you end up grazing poor Chassie back there, we might have to change our minds, eh Chass?

No response from inside the dock door. Raenius turns, takes a step back toward the doorway, and only now realizes that Chassie isn't where he left her. The Harvester fires up, and Jezebel speeds away. Raenius has to take another breath before he flips out his cell.

Raenius: Dirge? Listen, we've got a little situation on our hands. Seems our dear sister has been spirited away.

He looks down at the mess at his feet

Raenius: And that's an understatement. Are you sure the three of you have it covered? I don't want her in danger any longer than she has to be. Alright, keep me informed.

Raenius hangs up and heads toward his match.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Vinegar: What an incredible night we’ve had here on Sentinel in the first GIW broadcast of 2010, and it is time for the main event!

Hanson: Travis in action again at last!

Mitchell: Ladies and gentlemen, the following is your main event for the evening! Introducing first, from Northern Ireland, the Resident Evil, RAAEEENNNNIIIUUUSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!

Lamb of God's "Redneck" exlpodes into existence over the p.a. and then destroys life as a macabre, dark purple light fills the arena with a sinister and misty disdain as our Resident Evil, Raenius, walks out slowly, proudly wearing his uCw Kings of Hardcore t-shirt, clearly showing it's print saying 'We Bleed For You' for the world to see. He begins his stalk toward the ring, but suddenly the sound of a screeching feedback interrupts, and silence reigns besides the sound of the confused fans. The eerie purple light doesn't change, but adds to the surreality of what's taking place. From the rafters right in front of the Globaltron, a burlap sack lowers on a cable. Raenius turns to regard the curious sight.

Vinegar: I'm getting flashbacks of the Torture Garden!

Hanson: Shucky?

The sack finishes it's descent right in front of the Globaltron, and Raenius has it figured out. He begins to climb the rigging to reach the sack.

Vinegar: What do you think Jet's done?

Hanson: What are you talking about?

Vinegar: Don't play stupid!

Just as Raenius reaches the catwalk in front of the Globaltron, a blaring feedback blasts and giant stark white letters appear on the tron.

GIVE US MICKEY DRAGON

Raenius just stares for a moment as the words sink in.

Vinegar: Still don't think Jet's behind it?

Hanson: Seriously, what are you on about?

Irate at last, Raenius scrambles for the bag, and releases Chassie Fear, none the worse for wear!

Hanson: She's not hurt?

Vinegar: I guess Jet just wanted to give her a scare.

Raenius checks her over before he's satisfied, then helps her down from the Globaltron, and makes his way to the ring.

Vinegar: Raenius is the number one contender to the Unified Global Title and will face Donovan Hastings at Infinity, but tonight he faces the former champion, Travis Roberts.

“Bummer” hits, and Travis Roberts comes through the curtain, his arms open to the crowd.

Mitchell: And his opponent, currently residing in Los Angeles, California, The Blessed One, TRAVIS ROBBBERRRRRRRRRRRTTSSSS!!!!!

Vinegar: It certainly is odd to see Roberts without the Global Title around his waist.

Hanson: Listen, you don’t have to rub it in. I’ve had a rough month here.

Vinegar: I thought you were happy Hastings is the champion?

Hanson: I am. But I’m sad for Travis at the same time. It’s a paradox.

Vinegar: Number one contender against former champion, about to get under way, but wait, what’s this?

“Immortal” hits, and Donovan Hastings walks out to the stage and comes down the ramp, accompanied by Calypso and Peterson, who carries the championship belt.

Hastings: Pardon me, gentlemen, but we’re not going to stand for this. I was just backstage talking with Mum Levene, and she agreed with me that in this new era of GIW going forward, the most important thing is not to simply rehash the past. We can’t start things with what is going to be just another Travis Roberts main event, especially not against a masked man! As for Raenius, you’ve already got a main event in your future. Let’s not be greedy now, hm? Go on now, scat.

Hanson: Boy, Raenius looks relieved.

Vinegar: He’s wearing a mask.

Hanson: Anybody that gets let out of being embarrassed by the Blessed One is relieved, don’t fool yourself.

Vinegar: Travis looks to be whispering something to Raenius…and now they’re leaving together? I wouldn’t have expected that.

Hastings: Now that we’ve settled that, it’s time for your real main event of the evening, let’s bring my opponent on down!

Vinegar: Who could the opponent be?

Hanson: You’re always jumping the gun with your questions.

Vinegar: Well, nobody seems to be coming out.

Hastings: Hmm…looks like somebody missed their cue. Niglet? Take care of this.

Peterson: Yo beotches! Dis be dat time for dat main event! Introducin’ the Unified Global Lord-Chief Nigga o’ Pain’s opponent, dat Lecherous Traitor, CAAIIIIIIIINNN DOLLLLLLAAAAANNNNN!!!!!

Vinegar: The Lecherous Traitor?

Hanson: Well, that’s what he is!

Vinegar: Lecherous?

Hanson: Don’t question the Niglet!

Vinegar: In any case, Cain Dolan has indeed come out to the stage, his forehead is still bandaged from the attack earlier this evening, and boy does he look angry.

Hanson: Would you want to have to face Hastings?

Vinegar: I’m sure he realizes this isn’t likely to end well for him, but he wanted a chance at revenge, and Hastings is giving it to him.

Hanson: He’s a charitable champion.

Vinegar: Dolan in the ring now, and he looks to be threatening Peterson, but Calypso just threw something to Hastings!

Hanson: LEAD PIPE!

Vinegar: Hastings just took out Dolan’s knees from behind with that steel pipe!

Hanson: Nonsense! He’s just bowing before his Lord.

Vinegar: Dolan is down on his knees, who knows what damage that just did, and Hastings tears off the bandage on his head!

Hanson: PETERSON STRIKES!!!

Vinegar: Owen Peterson just smashed Dolan in the face again with the Unified Global Title, and that gash has reopened!

Hanson: Blood that must be paid!

Vinegar: Calypso has brought a chair into the ring, she is laying in front of a turnbuckle, Hastings bringing Dolan to that same corner.

Hanson: INEVITABILITY!

Vinegar: Hastings driving Dolan right onto that steel chair with Inevitability, and perhaps we should have all known that this was inevitable, Hastings brutalizing the man we thought was his best friend!

Hanson: Cover!

Vinegar: I don’t think this “match” ever officially started, but Peterson is moving into position…




ONE!!!!!




TWO!!!!!




THREE!!!!!




Vinegar: And Donovan Hastings has “beaten” Cain Dolan here tonight!

Hanson: What’s with the air quotes?

Vinegar: You know as well as I this was hardly a match!

Hanson: Right! Like a bum like the Lecherous Traitor really ever had a chance against the Lord-Chief.

Vinegar: Looks like Hastings isn’t done yet though, he’s going to the turnbuckle, as…no, don’t do it!

Hanson: Peterson is opening the chair and putting Dolan’s head into it!

Vinegar: Don’t do it, Donovan! Don’t…..NO!!!

Hanson: He did it!

Vinegar: Hastings just jumped off the turnbuckle and onto that steel chair! Dolan is a bloody mess, he needs medical attention!

Hanson: What about his Global Challenge qualifier next week?

Vinegar: I’d say that’s off the radar! He might never wrestle again!

Hanson: Well, that’s quite a price to pay.

Vinegar: Medical crews taking out now, Hastings seems rather pleased with himself, hold on, DIRGE AND RAENIUS ARE HERE!!!

Hanson: Where did they come from?

Vinegar: They’re in the ring now, FULL FRONTAL!!!!

Hanson: Somebody stop this!

Vinegar: Travis Roberts! Travis Roberts has come down the ramp, and he’s in the ring, as Raenius and Dirge head to the outside!

Travis: Yo Big Dawg, sorry to break up the party but someone had to stop this before you and your buddy attached a ball-gag to the Unified Global Champion and got on with whatever it is guys like you get on with.

Dirge doesn’t draw his eyes from Donavan Hastings as the ‘Lord Chief’ climbs to his knees, and slumps into the far corner, and just watches the events as they unfold. Travis looks from Dirge to Hastings and back again, before rolling his eyes.

Travis: He’s not going anyway, pull your attention to something a little more worthwhile.

Dirge slowly turns, and scoff’s whilst looking Travis up and down, he shakes his head and looks back at Donovan. Travis reacts in shock.

Travis: Seriously? You are going to dismiss ’The Headliner’, now that is ironic considering ‘The Blessed One’ spent the best part of the last year dismissing you and your buddies.

Dirge steps back, and turns his head slightly towards Travis.

Travis: C’mon, aren’t you even a little bit curious as to why the hell ‘The TWiSTeD Icon’ came out here tonight? After months of distancing himself from your little tiff with Donovan, months of not giving a damn about what happens to ol’ Donut? Surely a man of your proclaimed intellect should be at least a teeny bit intrigued. Travis Roberts doesn’t expect your drunken leprechaun to be intrigued, but hell ‘The Blessed One’ would be surprised to learn he’s even aware of where he is right now. But you Dirge, Mr Momentum killer, surely you’d like to hear the answer, ‘The Blessed One’ knows everyone else in the arena does.

Dirge turns in frustration and motions for Travis to get the hell on with it.

Travis: ‘The Blessed One’ interrupted your little preview of what’s in store at Infinity for a very good reason. ‘The Headliner’ understands you’re thinking about cashing in the shot you earned at Horizons alongside your buddy Raenius at Infinity, and that confuses ‘The TWiSTeD High Commander’, why would you choose that path? To screw your buddy and force him to share his shot with you? Or because you don’t have faith in your boy to get the job done on his own? Or you’re no better than a cowardly coyote, waiting around to pick up the scraps?

Dirge just chuckles.

Travis: Guess we’ll never know, guys like you rarely divulge your motivations for anything, unless it’s some misplaced quest for vengeance regarding an act the majority of the world have forgotten and moved on from already.

Travis: But then it hit ‘The Blessed One’ there is an entirely obvious justification for your behaviour. ‘The Momentum Killer’ isn’t one to hold his tongue is he? It’s a pattern during your spell here in GIW, if something you dislike happens, you take it upon yourself to bore the crowd to tears with one of your seminars, and then threaten to break or destroy someone or something.

Travis: Some people would speculate that this is because you’re an angry, stubborn beast of a man. ‘The Blessed One’ would say that couldn’t be further from the mark. You Dirge, are no better than a child having a tantrum. For months, and months you’ve been seeking attention from someone worth a damn in GIW, someone anyone who could make you look less like the lost and wandering midcard disappointment you have become. And much like a child, when no-one gave you that attention, you started to shout and whine and threaten to break things.

Travis: It’s no surprise you couldn’t let Raenius have the spotlight all to himself at Infinity, because that would mean all the attention was on him, you wanted to be noticed, wanted someone to take you seriously, just wanted attention.

Dirge’s cool expression shows signs of cracking.

Travis: Well guess what Big Dawg? You got ‘The Headliners’’ attention.

Dirge regains his composure and chuckles.

Travis: Before you ask, ‘Why now?’, it’s quite simple really, now ‘The Blessed One’ doesn’t have to worry about protecting the reputation of this company anymore, doesn’t have to keep the dross from floating to the top...

Travis pauses and looks to the side and smiles.

Travis: Even though that’s what, indirectly he is doing, because Dirge, ‘The Blessed One’ is out here to challenge you to prove your main event credentials...

Dirge lets out an almighty laugh.

Travis: Don’t even try and use the’ you don’t need to prove yourself’ argument, because that’s just a house of cards. You’ve been with the company for over a year now, and what the hell have you achieved? Carried to a tag title reign by your more talented partner? Wow! Oh and you managed to beat a Motley Crew of the guys who couldn’t fit anywhere else on the Horizons card to gain a shot at the Unified Global Championship at any point in 2010? If anything that just makes you the new ‘Diamond’ jack, albeit without the slutty girlfriend. Hell Big Dawg, for a guy who speaks so tough, you’ve actually achieved less than ‘The Cyclone’.

Dirge’s face has once again turned deadly serious.

Travis: But don’t worry, as ever ‘The Headliner’ has a plan to rectify this. Rather than waste your shot this month, how about you try and stop ‘The Headliner’ claim his rightful crown as ‘The true Heart and Soul of GIW’. Show the world you can actually compete toe to toe with the greatest athlete to grace the GIW Arena, take up the biggest challenge of your career to date.

Dirge tips his head to the side and narrows his eyes, deep in thought.

Travis: Consider this, if you don’t accept this challenge, you never have the right to whinge like a child on live TV again. Of course you have to weight up the decision, either you sacrifice your bi-weekly on-air verbal fits, or you fail in your attempt to beat me...

Dirge still says nothing.

Vinegar: Did Travis Roberts, basically, just step in front of Dirge for Hastings?

Hanson: That’s not exactly what he said, but they are Blessed Immortality...

Vinegar: This is out of character, why on earth is he protecting Donovan?

Hanson: Because they are brothers.

Vinegar: That’s been proven in previous months not to be the case, yet Travis Roberts is attempting to protect him from a Triple Threat match he’d have NO hope of winning.

Hanson: Pfft! ‘The Lord Chief’ could beat them both hopping on one leg.

Vinegar: Whilst we’ve been yabbering Dirge has joined Travis in the ring. They are nose to nose, and I can’t hear exactly what they’re saying but neither man seems to be yielding to the other...

Hanson: Dirge should just shut up and take ‘The Blessed Ones’ advice, he obvious...OH CHRIST!

Vinegar: HORRENDOUS DEATH IN VEGAS!!! TRAVIS IS LAID OUT!

Hanson: What a cheap shot, doesn’t he know that’s a Living Legend of this industry!

Vinegar: He grabs the microphone that Travis just dropped, and as Travis opens his eyes and looks at the lights ‘The Momentum Killer’ stands over him...

Dirge: I accept.

Vinegar: Dirge has entered himself into the Global Challenge 2010 in devastating fashion...and that’s all we have time for, what a start to the year, thanks for joining us, g’night!

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Sentinel 17/01/10 Credits

PETA Outside
BoolZ

OLL Welcome
T-Rob

Hastings Segment
Donny

Lindsey vs Rivers
BoolZ

Dirge Segment
Dirge

Chassie vs Exile
A-Kis

Cain Dolan Interview
Donny

Dirge vs CaRN
BoolZ

Dredd’s Return(No.2?)
T-Rob

Jet vs KvK
A-Kis

Moss Edwards Cameo
Moss

BoolZ & Connie vs A-Kis & Brandon
T-Rob

Raenius pre-match
Ichy

Main Event
Donny (With Ichy's input on Raenius' entrance)

Travis’ Challenge
T-Rob

Editor
T-Rob

[Alex Kiseragi]

I think that's the longest credits list I've seen on any of our shows.

It was certainly a good one though. The match writing was solid and interesting in the more, unusual parts of the show.

Hanson was all over the place over the course of the night but that is to be expected and didn't really detract from the rest of it.

I think my favourite element was the advancement of Donovan's story with Cain. Just when I thought that may have died off you pull out a great swerve that gets me dragged right back in. I'll be waiting intently for your next promo.