Post by Travis Pierce on Apr 27, 2010 19:58:57 GMT -5
We see a darkened set, with silhouettes visible of a table with a couch alongside it. A voiceover is heard from Rob Cartwright.
Cartwright: Ladies and gentlemen, the host of The Piercing Truth, you know his name, TRAVIS PIERCE!
“You Know My Name” by Chris Cornell begins to play, and the lights come on to show a chair sitting backwards behind the desk. A monitor behind the chair shows the logo for The Piercing Truth. The chair spins around to reveal Travis himself.
Pierce: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to The Piercing Truth! My name is Travis Pierce, as always, your host for the evening. Well, we’re coming up on the big night! No Holds Barred…ADAPT OR DIE!
Dramatic Music: DUN DUN DUN!
Pierce: Thank you, Rob.
Cartwright: Yup.
Pierce: It is the night that we will be seeing a newly unified and undisputed Cross-Hemisphere Champion when Travis Pierce defeats Alex Kiseragi in a Dragon’s Cave match, whatever that is. It means we’ve got a lot to talk about, not to mention an absolutely blockbuster guest, but first…our top stories!
Pierce switches to Camera B.
Pierce: A problem that has been haunting gamers for years will be solved when next year’s edition of Madden Football includes a Gameflow feature that calls the plays for you, so you don’t end up calling the same five stupid plays over and over like I do now. Leading experts suspect that I still won’t be able to run the damn ball. In a related story, the tired act of seeing “Grand Slam Winner” Alex Kiseragi win championships over and over will come to an end at No Holds Barred, the event at which the Entertainment Professionals of UG…WC will ADAPT…OR DIE!
Dramatic Music: DUN DUN DUN!
Pierce switches to Camera A.
Pierce: Milwaukee Brewers catcher Gregg Zaun went through an awkward period during the first inning of a game this week when shoulder-muscle spasms caused by a collision made him botch the delivery of three consecutive return throws to the mound. The piercing truth is that it wasn’t nearly as embarrassing as things will be for Alex Kiseragi at No Holds Barred, when he whiffs on a Yari Kick and discovers that THE TRUTH HURTS!
Dramatic Music: DUN DUN DUN!
Pierce: Okay, didn’t expect it right there.
Cartwright: Sorry.
Pierce: S’cool. We’ll roll with it.
Pierce switches to Camera A.
Pierce: And now for a very special report, we go LIVE to the hallway, and Travis Pierce!
Pierce pushes off the desk and his chair rolls towards the side of the set. He spins and runs off it, his footsteps fading into the distance.
The camera switches to the hallway, and the footsteps get louder until Pierce runs into view.
Pierce: Thanks, Travis! I’m LIVE here in the hallway, where-
Jason Reeves elbows into the shot.
Reeves: I’m standing by with Travis Pierce, who next Monday night will be facing Alex Kiseragi at-
Pierce: What do you think you’re doing?
Reeves: I’m interviewing you.
Pierce: Do you have any idea who I am?
Reeves: You’re the new Travis.
Pierce: NEW Travis?
Reeves: Well, you’re new to me.
Pierce: I conduct interviews, I don’t GET interviewed.
Reeves: Well, okay, it’ll be a new experience for me, but I’ll give it a try…
Pierce: Uh, no. Get bent.
Reeves: But I thought-
Pierce: I don’t even remember why I came out here. Beat it!
Reeves lowers his head and walks out of the shot.
Pierce: Now I’ve completely lost my train of thought. Efff it.
Pierce points directly at the camera.
Pierce: Back to you, Travis!
Pierce runs off, and we hear his footsteps fade into the distance.
The camera switches back to the studio, and the footsteps get louder until Pierce runs back onto the set and jumps onto the chair, and it rolls back behind the desk. Pierce steadies himself and faces the camera.
Pierce: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome my guest for the evening...TRAVIS ROBERTS!
The 8-bit synthesizer plays "Cochise" as Roberts comes out and takes a seat on the couch.
Pierce: Welcome to the show!
Roberts: What a night for your quaint little show this must be? 'The Headliner' will add though that your backstage hospitality is severely lacking, Trevor.
Pierce: It's Travis.
Roberts: That's right, 'The Blessed One' Travis Roberts does indeed sit before you, taking you're wonderfully outdated format to quite another level, it's safe to say you've never had a guest of the calibre of 'The Most Influential Icon In Sports Entertainment Today' upon your show. However by appearing in front of the world in pure shock, exclaiming 'The TWiSTeD Icons' name, you really do yourself no justice.
Pierce: If you say so. Now, our research department is telling me that of your three reigns as Global Heavyweight Champion, two of them came directly at the expense of one Alex Kiseragi. Clearly, you have the man's number. What weaknesses were you able to exploit that you've had such dominance over him?
Roberts: What weaknesses? There was one quite major one Trevor, the fact 'The Dragon' is not Travis Roberts. However 'The Blessed One' is aware that doesn't help you much, because you're not Travis, are ya Trev? And that's why you invited him onto your Public Access show, for help right? The best advice 'The Headliner' can give anyone when it comes to dealing with Alex Kiseragi, don't let him talk to you, once you do, it's pretty much over. 'The TWiSTeD Icon' twice allowed that to happen, and twice 'The Dragon' grabbed the opportunity.
Pierce: Any chance you could help me out with what exactly a "Dragon's Cave" Match is?
Roberts: All 'The Most Influential Icon in Sports Entertainment' is willing to say, is, do you like glass and red hot coals, Trevor?
Pierce: Again, it's Travis.
Roberts: It really is 'The Blessed One' in the flesh, go ahead pinch yourself to prove that you are not dreaming, this really is happening to you. 'The Headliner' understands how this must be an overwhelming moment in your career but the 'TWiSTeD High Commander' has other places he needs to be, he runs on a tight schedule.
Pierce glares at him for several seconds.
Pierce: So tell me...Blessed One...about your relationship with Donovan Hastings.
Roberts: He is Travis Roberts' TWiSTeD Commrade, there is nothing more that needs to be said.
Pierce: Well, our research department suggests that you've had problems with partners in the past. Now, your latest partner seems to have found himself some new ones. We saw Hastings pull off quite the caper along with Kiseragi and Somers on Synergy, and they did it without you. Tell us the piercing truth, are there problems in the TWiSTeD camp?
Roberts: Was 'The Blessed One' watching an entirely different show? What Travis Roberts observed was Donovan Hastings used Jet Somers and Alex Kiseragi to carry out the grunt work in his operation. It would be a real stretch to call them his partners, that's like suggesting Owen Peterson is his soul mate, ludicrous. Then 'The Headliner' observed his new tag team partner demolish your grinning ass, demonstrating the power he has at his disposal. Mark 'The Blessed Ones' words, Trevor, with Travis Roberts' guidance and knowledge of the industry, The Hardcore Hermit will be the Industry's next monster. If that's all 'The Most Influential Icon in Sports Entertainment this Millennia' has more pressing things to attend to, such as teaching his new partner how to remove the food from his beard, good day!
Roberts storms off the set. Pierce shrugs his shoulders.
Pierce: That’s gross. Not to mention, it’s hard to believe how egotistical and self-centered some people can be. In any case, that’s all the time we have for this week, make sure you tune in to No Holds Barred, when we all adapt…OR DIE!
Dramatic Music: DUN DUN DUN!
Pierce: We’ll catch you on the flip side. And remember! It’s not my fault that the truth…hurts.
“You Know My Name” plays again and Pierce scribbles on a notecard as we fade out…
Thanks to Travis Roberts for his contributions.
Cartwright: Ladies and gentlemen, the host of The Piercing Truth, you know his name, TRAVIS PIERCE!
“You Know My Name” by Chris Cornell begins to play, and the lights come on to show a chair sitting backwards behind the desk. A monitor behind the chair shows the logo for The Piercing Truth. The chair spins around to reveal Travis himself.
Pierce: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to The Piercing Truth! My name is Travis Pierce, as always, your host for the evening. Well, we’re coming up on the big night! No Holds Barred…ADAPT OR DIE!
Dramatic Music: DUN DUN DUN!
Pierce: Thank you, Rob.
Cartwright: Yup.
Pierce: It is the night that we will be seeing a newly unified and undisputed Cross-Hemisphere Champion when Travis Pierce defeats Alex Kiseragi in a Dragon’s Cave match, whatever that is. It means we’ve got a lot to talk about, not to mention an absolutely blockbuster guest, but first…our top stories!
Pierce switches to Camera B.
Pierce: A problem that has been haunting gamers for years will be solved when next year’s edition of Madden Football includes a Gameflow feature that calls the plays for you, so you don’t end up calling the same five stupid plays over and over like I do now. Leading experts suspect that I still won’t be able to run the damn ball. In a related story, the tired act of seeing “Grand Slam Winner” Alex Kiseragi win championships over and over will come to an end at No Holds Barred, the event at which the Entertainment Professionals of UG…WC will ADAPT…OR DIE!
Dramatic Music: DUN DUN DUN!
Pierce switches to Camera A.
Pierce: Milwaukee Brewers catcher Gregg Zaun went through an awkward period during the first inning of a game this week when shoulder-muscle spasms caused by a collision made him botch the delivery of three consecutive return throws to the mound. The piercing truth is that it wasn’t nearly as embarrassing as things will be for Alex Kiseragi at No Holds Barred, when he whiffs on a Yari Kick and discovers that THE TRUTH HURTS!
Dramatic Music: DUN DUN DUN!
Pierce: Okay, didn’t expect it right there.
Cartwright: Sorry.
Pierce: S’cool. We’ll roll with it.
Pierce switches to Camera A.
Pierce: And now for a very special report, we go LIVE to the hallway, and Travis Pierce!
Pierce pushes off the desk and his chair rolls towards the side of the set. He spins and runs off it, his footsteps fading into the distance.
The camera switches to the hallway, and the footsteps get louder until Pierce runs into view.
Pierce: Thanks, Travis! I’m LIVE here in the hallway, where-
Jason Reeves elbows into the shot.
Reeves: I’m standing by with Travis Pierce, who next Monday night will be facing Alex Kiseragi at-
Pierce: What do you think you’re doing?
Reeves: I’m interviewing you.
Pierce: Do you have any idea who I am?
Reeves: You’re the new Travis.
Pierce: NEW Travis?
Reeves: Well, you’re new to me.
Pierce: I conduct interviews, I don’t GET interviewed.
Reeves: Well, okay, it’ll be a new experience for me, but I’ll give it a try…
Pierce: Uh, no. Get bent.
Reeves: But I thought-
Pierce: I don’t even remember why I came out here. Beat it!
Reeves lowers his head and walks out of the shot.
Pierce: Now I’ve completely lost my train of thought. Efff it.
Pierce points directly at the camera.
Pierce: Back to you, Travis!
Pierce runs off, and we hear his footsteps fade into the distance.
The camera switches back to the studio, and the footsteps get louder until Pierce runs back onto the set and jumps onto the chair, and it rolls back behind the desk. Pierce steadies himself and faces the camera.
Pierce: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome my guest for the evening...TRAVIS ROBERTS!
The 8-bit synthesizer plays "Cochise" as Roberts comes out and takes a seat on the couch.
Pierce: Welcome to the show!
Roberts: What a night for your quaint little show this must be? 'The Headliner' will add though that your backstage hospitality is severely lacking, Trevor.
Pierce: It's Travis.
Roberts: That's right, 'The Blessed One' Travis Roberts does indeed sit before you, taking you're wonderfully outdated format to quite another level, it's safe to say you've never had a guest of the calibre of 'The Most Influential Icon In Sports Entertainment Today' upon your show. However by appearing in front of the world in pure shock, exclaiming 'The TWiSTeD Icons' name, you really do yourself no justice.
Pierce: If you say so. Now, our research department is telling me that of your three reigns as Global Heavyweight Champion, two of them came directly at the expense of one Alex Kiseragi. Clearly, you have the man's number. What weaknesses were you able to exploit that you've had such dominance over him?
Roberts: What weaknesses? There was one quite major one Trevor, the fact 'The Dragon' is not Travis Roberts. However 'The Blessed One' is aware that doesn't help you much, because you're not Travis, are ya Trev? And that's why you invited him onto your Public Access show, for help right? The best advice 'The Headliner' can give anyone when it comes to dealing with Alex Kiseragi, don't let him talk to you, once you do, it's pretty much over. 'The TWiSTeD Icon' twice allowed that to happen, and twice 'The Dragon' grabbed the opportunity.
Pierce: Any chance you could help me out with what exactly a "Dragon's Cave" Match is?
Roberts: All 'The Most Influential Icon in Sports Entertainment' is willing to say, is, do you like glass and red hot coals, Trevor?
Pierce: Again, it's Travis.
Roberts: It really is 'The Blessed One' in the flesh, go ahead pinch yourself to prove that you are not dreaming, this really is happening to you. 'The Headliner' understands how this must be an overwhelming moment in your career but the 'TWiSTeD High Commander' has other places he needs to be, he runs on a tight schedule.
Pierce glares at him for several seconds.
Pierce: So tell me...Blessed One...about your relationship with Donovan Hastings.
Roberts: He is Travis Roberts' TWiSTeD Commrade, there is nothing more that needs to be said.
Pierce: Well, our research department suggests that you've had problems with partners in the past. Now, your latest partner seems to have found himself some new ones. We saw Hastings pull off quite the caper along with Kiseragi and Somers on Synergy, and they did it without you. Tell us the piercing truth, are there problems in the TWiSTeD camp?
Roberts: Was 'The Blessed One' watching an entirely different show? What Travis Roberts observed was Donovan Hastings used Jet Somers and Alex Kiseragi to carry out the grunt work in his operation. It would be a real stretch to call them his partners, that's like suggesting Owen Peterson is his soul mate, ludicrous. Then 'The Headliner' observed his new tag team partner demolish your grinning ass, demonstrating the power he has at his disposal. Mark 'The Blessed Ones' words, Trevor, with Travis Roberts' guidance and knowledge of the industry, The Hardcore Hermit will be the Industry's next monster. If that's all 'The Most Influential Icon in Sports Entertainment this Millennia' has more pressing things to attend to, such as teaching his new partner how to remove the food from his beard, good day!
Roberts storms off the set. Pierce shrugs his shoulders.
Pierce: That’s gross. Not to mention, it’s hard to believe how egotistical and self-centered some people can be. In any case, that’s all the time we have for this week, make sure you tune in to No Holds Barred, when we all adapt…OR DIE!
Dramatic Music: DUN DUN DUN!
Pierce: We’ll catch you on the flip side. And remember! It’s not my fault that the truth…hurts.
“You Know My Name” plays again and Pierce scribbles on a notecard as we fade out…
Thanks to Travis Roberts for his contributions.
