Post by Lord Hastings on Apr 29, 2010 20:04:21 GMT -5
Donovan walks through the back hallways of the KeyArena, his cloak flowing behind him. He pauses, as apparently his stomach rumbles.
Hastings: Hmmm…The TWiSTeD Lord hungers…
Quite suddenly, Tate Levene rolls up on a scooter.
Hastings: Nevermind, that would be what I heard.
Tate – How dare you show your face to me!
Hastings: I think only one of us is actually employed here.
Tate – Do you know why I’m here?
Hastings: The arena is having a sale on hot dogs?
Tate – Do you have any idea what you cost me? I was on top of the world running GIW, I was practically a God.
Hastings: You’re practically a planet, and you ran GIW into the ground.
Tate – You take that back!
Hastings: You’re right, that wasn’t fair. You couldn’t run if there was a T-Bone steak waiting at the end of the track.
Tate – You’re just like my grandmother! That stupid bitch, always fucking telling me how many calories shit has, poking her nose in my business, why, I wish that-
There is a terrible crack, and Tate goes limp and crashes to the ground, the impact rumbling, and for the briefest of moments Donovan loses his balance, but is able to steady himself. Robert Ooley stands behind the fallen heap, studying the baseball bat in his hand. His T-shirt reads “I 0wn you.”
Hastings: Thanks.
Ooley: Don’t get excited. One time back in 02, Louis here whacked some dumb chump, and a referee handed Old Bob a title. I figure it’s worth another shot here and again.
Hastings: I think I can appreciate that.
Ooley: I don’t much care what you appreciate, Hamstrings. I’ll get right to the point. Most Rewards seems to think something of you, but you don’t impress Old Bob. I watched your childish antics on Synergy. You’d never see Robert Ooley engage in such tomfoolery.
Donovan looks from the bat in Ooley’s hand, to the logo on his shirt, to the eyepatch on his left eye.
Hastings: No, of course not.
Ooley: If you’re lucky, you’ll one day be half the champion I was in my day. I’ll have you know I won the only Napoleon’s Revenge match in LWF history.
Hastings: Is that the one where you were the commissioner and made the rules up as you went?
Ooley: It’s called being smart, you could learn a thing or two from Old Bob. I hear you tried the same thing once, and it blew up on your face.
Hastings: You saw that?
Ooley: I wouldn’t be caught dead watching that GIW tripe. Nothing was better than my heyday in the old LWF. Tuscon, Arelost, Scared, Orlando Hernandez, the Jackass with the Mace…those were good days. I hear it was even Tuscon that ran you out of town over there.
Donovan stares at Ooley for several seconds.
Hastings: You mean Phoenix?
Ooley taps the bat on his free palm.
Ooley: Tuscon.
Hastings: You going somewhere with all this?
Tate – Uurrrgh…
Ooley whomps him again with the bat.
Ooley: Stay down, fatty.
Tate gurgles and drools.
Ooley: Not that I’ve ever thought much of Fission, but you need to explain to Old Bob why you’re fit to represent this company as the World Heavyweight Champion.
Hastings: What makes you fit to run Human Resources?
Ooley stares at Donovan for a moment, and taps the bat again against his palm, and then holds it by the handle and uses the handle to underline the phrase on his shirt.
Hastings: Is that a zero?
Ooley: Do you think you can win an Extra Grande Double Nutty Shot Match?
Hastings: Just what the hell are the rules for that anyway? Roshambo? You have to kick your opponent in the nuts twice to win?
Ooley: Well, Old Bob was just making up that Nutty part now, but that actually isn’t half bad. As for the rules, you’ll learn them when everybody else does, and that’s at No Holds Barred. I’m sure if you’re as good as people seem to think, it won’t be a problem for you.
Ooley rests the bat on his shoulder as he walks past.
Ooley: Later, sucker.
Donovan watches the Director of Human Resources walk down the hallway, and turns to see Owen Peterson and Calypso Desmona approaching him. Owen carries the Global Heavyweight Championship over his shoulder.
Peterson: Hail, Lord-Chief!
Hastings: Niglet.
Donovan and Calypso have a quick kiss.
Peterson: Did you hear? The arena is having a sale on hot dogs.
Hastings: You don’t say.
Calypso: Was that Ooley?
Hastings: He questioned if I deserve to be the first UGWC World Heavyweight Champion. Truth is, there couldn’t possibly be a better candidate. The United Global Wrestling Coalition rose from the ashes of Global Impact Wrestling and the Lock Wrestling Federation, and I embodied both. I won Battleground last year, and ended the longest Global Heavyweight Title reign in history. In LWF I ended the longest World Championship reign in company history. I won the Outlast tournament. There are a lot of LWF fans getting to know Travis Roberts, Alex Kiseragi, and Jet Somers. There are a lot of GIW fans getting to know Derick Felix, Travis Pierce, and Red Fusion. All of those fans know me. They all pay to see me. When I beat Fusion, there won’t be a single person that isn’t standing and applauding.
Calypso: It’s the moment you’ve waited your whole life for.
Hastings: It is, and nobody, especially not Red Fusion, is going to take it from me.
Peterson: Not to be Debbie Downer, but hasn’t he beaten you before?
Hastings: He did, last year at Lockmania, in a Killer Kage Match. But that was when my time and energy was divided between two worlds. Some days I didn’t know if I was coming or going. That’s over now. I have a singular focus, undivided attention. I have my friends at my side. There is nothing that can stop me. It’s simply…inevitable.
The words hang in a moment, and all three look down at the fallen Tate Levene.
Peterson: Is it worth stealing the scooter?
Hastings: I’d be worried about catching fat from it.
Calypso: You could call it your NiggaScoot.
Hastings: Now, I think that’s taking things a bit far.
Peterson: Is it hot dog time?
Hastings: That it is, and you damned well know you need to order them right…
The trio walks off.
Hastings: Hmmm…The TWiSTeD Lord hungers…
Quite suddenly, Tate Levene rolls up on a scooter.
Hastings: Nevermind, that would be what I heard.
Tate – How dare you show your face to me!
Hastings: I think only one of us is actually employed here.
Tate – Do you know why I’m here?
Hastings: The arena is having a sale on hot dogs?
Tate – Do you have any idea what you cost me? I was on top of the world running GIW, I was practically a God.
Hastings: You’re practically a planet, and you ran GIW into the ground.
Tate – You take that back!
Hastings: You’re right, that wasn’t fair. You couldn’t run if there was a T-Bone steak waiting at the end of the track.
Tate – You’re just like my grandmother! That stupid bitch, always fucking telling me how many calories shit has, poking her nose in my business, why, I wish that-
There is a terrible crack, and Tate goes limp and crashes to the ground, the impact rumbling, and for the briefest of moments Donovan loses his balance, but is able to steady himself. Robert Ooley stands behind the fallen heap, studying the baseball bat in his hand. His T-shirt reads “I 0wn you.”
Hastings: Thanks.
Ooley: Don’t get excited. One time back in 02, Louis here whacked some dumb chump, and a referee handed Old Bob a title. I figure it’s worth another shot here and again.
Hastings: I think I can appreciate that.
Ooley: I don’t much care what you appreciate, Hamstrings. I’ll get right to the point. Most Rewards seems to think something of you, but you don’t impress Old Bob. I watched your childish antics on Synergy. You’d never see Robert Ooley engage in such tomfoolery.
Donovan looks from the bat in Ooley’s hand, to the logo on his shirt, to the eyepatch on his left eye.
Hastings: No, of course not.
Ooley: If you’re lucky, you’ll one day be half the champion I was in my day. I’ll have you know I won the only Napoleon’s Revenge match in LWF history.
Hastings: Is that the one where you were the commissioner and made the rules up as you went?
Ooley: It’s called being smart, you could learn a thing or two from Old Bob. I hear you tried the same thing once, and it blew up on your face.
Hastings: You saw that?
Ooley: I wouldn’t be caught dead watching that GIW tripe. Nothing was better than my heyday in the old LWF. Tuscon, Arelost, Scared, Orlando Hernandez, the Jackass with the Mace…those were good days. I hear it was even Tuscon that ran you out of town over there.
Donovan stares at Ooley for several seconds.
Hastings: You mean Phoenix?
Ooley taps the bat on his free palm.
Ooley: Tuscon.
Hastings: You going somewhere with all this?
Tate – Uurrrgh…
Ooley whomps him again with the bat.
Ooley: Stay down, fatty.
Tate gurgles and drools.
Ooley: Not that I’ve ever thought much of Fission, but you need to explain to Old Bob why you’re fit to represent this company as the World Heavyweight Champion.
Hastings: What makes you fit to run Human Resources?
Ooley stares at Donovan for a moment, and taps the bat again against his palm, and then holds it by the handle and uses the handle to underline the phrase on his shirt.
Hastings: Is that a zero?
Ooley: Do you think you can win an Extra Grande Double Nutty Shot Match?
Hastings: Just what the hell are the rules for that anyway? Roshambo? You have to kick your opponent in the nuts twice to win?
Ooley: Well, Old Bob was just making up that Nutty part now, but that actually isn’t half bad. As for the rules, you’ll learn them when everybody else does, and that’s at No Holds Barred. I’m sure if you’re as good as people seem to think, it won’t be a problem for you.
Ooley rests the bat on his shoulder as he walks past.
Ooley: Later, sucker.
Donovan watches the Director of Human Resources walk down the hallway, and turns to see Owen Peterson and Calypso Desmona approaching him. Owen carries the Global Heavyweight Championship over his shoulder.
Peterson: Hail, Lord-Chief!
Hastings: Niglet.
Donovan and Calypso have a quick kiss.
Peterson: Did you hear? The arena is having a sale on hot dogs.
Hastings: You don’t say.
Calypso: Was that Ooley?
Hastings: He questioned if I deserve to be the first UGWC World Heavyweight Champion. Truth is, there couldn’t possibly be a better candidate. The United Global Wrestling Coalition rose from the ashes of Global Impact Wrestling and the Lock Wrestling Federation, and I embodied both. I won Battleground last year, and ended the longest Global Heavyweight Title reign in history. In LWF I ended the longest World Championship reign in company history. I won the Outlast tournament. There are a lot of LWF fans getting to know Travis Roberts, Alex Kiseragi, and Jet Somers. There are a lot of GIW fans getting to know Derick Felix, Travis Pierce, and Red Fusion. All of those fans know me. They all pay to see me. When I beat Fusion, there won’t be a single person that isn’t standing and applauding.
Calypso: It’s the moment you’ve waited your whole life for.
Hastings: It is, and nobody, especially not Red Fusion, is going to take it from me.
Peterson: Not to be Debbie Downer, but hasn’t he beaten you before?
Hastings: He did, last year at Lockmania, in a Killer Kage Match. But that was when my time and energy was divided between two worlds. Some days I didn’t know if I was coming or going. That’s over now. I have a singular focus, undivided attention. I have my friends at my side. There is nothing that can stop me. It’s simply…inevitable.
The words hang in a moment, and all three look down at the fallen Tate Levene.
Peterson: Is it worth stealing the scooter?
Hastings: I’d be worried about catching fat from it.
Calypso: You could call it your NiggaScoot.
Hastings: Now, I think that’s taking things a bit far.
Peterson: Is it hot dog time?
Hastings: That it is, and you damned well know you need to order them right…
The trio walks off.
x2
