Sentinel 24/05/09 Results

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Vinegar: Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to a very special edition of GIW Sentinel.

Hanson: Special like Garth Gaffney?

Vinegar: No...Special because just like Bob Hope, Jessica Simpson, Chris Isaak and the legendary kid Rock himself, GIW is entertaining the troops....and we’re doing it from right here in Baghdad!

Hanson: Baghdad?

Vinegar: Yeah...

Hanson: As in Baghdad, Iraq?

Vinegar: Affirmative.

Hanson: I was under the impression we were just giving the impression of being in Baghdad, and that this was actually all happening in the desert just outside of Las Vegas.

Vinegar: Nope, we’re definitely in Baghdad, no casinos for miles upon miles.

Hanson: I’m not sure going to warzones was actually part of my contract, I think I’d like to reassess my position here tonight.

Vinegar: You wanna go and stand outside these barracks?

Hanson: No...

Vinegar: Then you can take a closer look at your contract after the show, and we can continue with tonights events, we have hundreds upon hundreds of servicemen and women waiting to catch a glimpse of some true Global Impact Wrestling entertainment...

Hanson: Then they’ll just have to wait a little longer.

Vinegar: Why?

Hanson: Because Andy Savana and some new guy are in the first match, that’s unlikely to showcase GIW’s true strengths....if we’re frankly honest everyone here is waiting for the main event when the only two people worth watching tonight, Travis Roberts and the Lord Chief, will be on display.

Vinegar: Your analysis of tonight’s show is somewhat lacking, we’ve got six exciting matches to come, on this second leg of the Long Fight Home Tour, and every man and woman in attendance is psyched to see it all go down.

Hanson: The sun has no doubt gone straight to their heads if they are looking forward to Randy Boolzian vs Alex Kiseragi...

Dennis: Ladies and Gentlemen, it is time for the first match of the night and it is a triple threat match and is scheduled for one fall.

“Swagger like Us”

Dennis: introducing first, from Houston, Texas, MICHAAAAAEL CAAAAAAAPEEEELLLLLIIII!

Vinegar: The troops give Capelli a polite welcome, I doubt many recognise him from his previous run in GIW, but I bet he’s hoping that GIW fans will remember this day as the start of special things for the ‘Nightmare’.

Hanson: He’ll just be hoping it’s not the start of an historic Killswitch-esque run here.

Vinegar: I should think everybody hopes that.

“Cyanide Sweet Tooth”

Dennis: Introducing, representing The Covenant, she is The Dark Rose, CHAAAAAAAASSIE FEEEEEEEAR!!!

Vinegar: Apparently these two crossed paths before in the past.

Hanson: Really?

Vinegar: That’s what I am told, not sure I can remember it myself. But surely we won’t forget this encounter, the first here in the heat of Baghdad...

Hanson: Chassie will be focused, she always is, I don’t think she is even that aware of the fact she is surrounded by members of the armed forces.

“Bullet with Butterfly Wings”

Dennis: Introducing finally, from Houston, Texas, he is AAAAAANDY SAAAAAAAVAAAAAAANAAAAAAA!!!

Vinegar: What in the name of hell?

Hanson: I love it!

Vinegar: Andy Savana is being escorted to the ring by Rico and Ms. McGuiness, Rico is dressed as a Milkman and McGuiness is dressed up as a Dairy Maid carrying two jugs full of milk...

Hanson: The male fans here are loving that dress up!

Vinegar: I’m not sure they’re going crazy for milk though...

Hanson: Who cares, Andy Savana has shown he can connect with the crowd, frankly I’m quite surprised...

Vinegar: Again, I’m not sure it’s Andy Savana they are connecting with...do Milk Maids really dress like that anymore?

Hanson: Can Penguins actually talk, smoke cigars and fire Tommy guns? Who cares? I like Milk!

Vinegar: And now Savana is climbing the turnbuckles with two cartons of Milk, and is slamming them together whilst ‘saluting’ the fans...

Hanson: Genius...

Vinegar: That’s debatable. Hazel East encourages the milk covered Savana down from the turnbuckle and pats him down to check for any concealed weapons. Before getting all three competitors intot heir corners and then ordering the bell to be rung for the first time tonight.

Hanson: And the Milkman Andy Savana is the first to start leaping onto Chassie Fear and pounding rights and lefts down upon her, before Capelli drags him off from behind...

Vinegar: And whips Savana into the turnbuckle, and follows him in with a spear to the midsection, before turning his attentions to the rising Chassie and swings a clothesline at her, but ‘The Dark Rose’ ducks underneath and grabs ‘Nightmare’ around the neck, and takes him to the ground with a neckbreaker...

Hanson: Only to get straight back up and meet the sole of Savana’s boot, as Andy steps through her face, he then turns and picks up the Dark Rose and hits a vertical suplex on GIW’s only known mother...and floats over for the cover...

1...

2...


Vinegar: No, Capelli to his feet able to break the cover, and then drops a knee on Savana, before dragging Chassie to her feet, only to take a stiff right hand to the midsection causing him to break his grasp, and Chassie leaps up onto the ‘Nightmares’ shoulders...HURICANRA...

Hanson: NO! POWERBOMB!

Vinegar: Capelli now looking a little annoyed with the way things are going on his re-debut for the company, and as Andy Savana approaches he and Capelli get embroiled in a brawl, both exchanging lefts and rights to the face, and they roam the ring doing so...

Hanson: The Milkman struggling to match Capelli’s frustrations, and finds himself backed into a corner, and Capelli with the momentum, hoists Savana onto the top rope, climbing up after him...SUPERLEX!

Vinegar: SAVANA TURNS IN MIDAIR!

Hanson: And lands on top of Capelli, and makes the cover...

1...

2...

Hanson: No! Capelli kicks out at two, and now all three competitors getting to their knees...

Vinegar: and it is Capelli who reaches vertical quickest, and turns his attentions to Chassie Fear as ‘The Dark Rose’ gets to her feet, and he meets her with a Belly-To-Belly suplex, tossing her back to the canvas, and then turns to catch the leg of an approaching Savana...RECURRING NIGHTMARE!

Hanson: The Milkman feels the pain of that triple dragon screw, and Capelli goes for the pin...

1...

2...

Vinegar: Savana manages to get his foot on the rope and break the hold...and Capelli slaps the ground in frustration, but ‘The Nightmare’ is distracted by his own frustrations and as he climbs to his feet, is spun around by Chassie Fear, who kicks him in the gut...TWILIGHT!...

1...

2...

Hanson: NO! The Milkman gets to his feet and falls onto the back of the Dark Rose with a double axe handle breaking the count, and once again all three getting back to their feet...

Vinegar: Savana charges at Capelli, but the ‘Nightmare’ see’s Savana coming and uses his own momentum against him to fling him over the top rope....and straight into McGuiness and those Jugs of milk...

Hanson: She’s covered in white stuff...nice...

Vinegar: Chassie has got back to her feet and she leaps onto Capelli’s shoulders again, you would have thought she’d learnt by now, as the Nightmare reverses it once again, and hoists Chassie up...CAPPATALIZED!!!

1...

2...

3!!!

Dennis: And here is your winner, via pinfall, NIGHTMARE, MICHAEL CAAAAAPELLLLLIIIIII!!!

Vinegar: Capelli getting the re-debut victory here tonight, in a great opening match, that has certainly gone some way to entertaining the troops...

Hanson: I think Andy Savana covering McGuiness in her own Jug Milk was my highlight...

Vinegar: Why doesn’t that surprise me...we have something happening backstage folks...

Komosube is seen in his makeshift locker room stretching. Suddenly, the door bursts open and a trash can comes flying at Komosube's head. Komo brushes it off and looks at the direction it came from just in time to be hit by a Kendo Stick.

Vinegar: Who is that?

Hanson: It's Komosube, dumbass!

Vinegar: I know that, who is attacking him?

Two more shots and the Kendo Stick is busted in half. The attacker, who is still off-screen, smacks Komosube with a new stick 3-4 times and that one breaks. Komosube is now down to one knee with blood dripping down the center of his forehead.

Hanson: The Crimson Mask! I've been wanting to say that.

Vinegar: This mystery assailant is doing a number on Komosube.

'You!' exclaims Komosube as another Kendo stick rains down upon his head. Komosube grunts but still doesn't fall. Another hit, still doesn't fall. One last hit drops Komo to both knees. The door opens again and security enter. We now see that the attacker is none other than Ezekiel, mask and all.

Vinegar: The fire-breathing little bastard! What's his beef with Komosube?

Hanson: Those guys might want to duck.

Ezekiel breathes in and exhales, blowing a flame into the direction of the security. He reaches into a bag he carried all the Kendo sticks in and pulls out a Kendo stick wrapped in barbed wire.

Hanson: Do it!

Vinegar: You're sick, but you know that right?

'Aiiiiiitooooooo... Aito.. Aiiiiiitoooooooo.. AITO!' yells Ezekiel and as Komo looks up at him, Ezekiel levels him with a stiff Barbed-Wire Kendo shot. It knocks Komosube onto his stomach and he lays motionless on the floor. Ezekiel turns to leave as security surround Komosube and help him to his feet. After a few moments of struggling, Komo is back on one knee. He looks up just as Ezekiel charges and pins Komosube into the wall with a massive 'High Beam'.

Hanson: Is it just me, or was that 'High Beam' more vicious than usual?

Ezekiel walks away as security tend to Komosube.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Hanson: Boss P really should think of doing something about these shows!

Vinegar: God do I want to ask why?

Hanson: Of course you do!

Vinegar: No I don’t!

Hanson: Yes you do!

Vinegar: Will you shut up after you tell me?

Hanson: …No!

Vinegar: Just tell me.

Hanson: Well we just had to sit through a match with Andy Savana, Michael Capelli and Chassie Fear.

Vinegar: A very good match!

Hanson: Now we have to sit through a match with Osiris, Serapis, Paul Cockatoo and Vladimir Ulysys!

Vinegar: And?

Hanson: Do you not see the problem?

Vinegar: No.

Hanson: Where’s the Headliner or The Lord Chief or my Caramel Coated Bride to be?

Vinegar: In the Main Event…though Gabrielle’s not competing…HER BOYFRIEND is tonight though!

Hanson: Boyfriend? But you see this is what I’m talking about; leaving the only people worth watching until the very end. What’s the point of even having these matches? Why do I waste my time?

Vinegar: For the fans and the troops Daniel…besides I was talking to Gabrielle earlier today and besides the fact she’s looking a little worse for wear…

Hanson: You take that back!

Vinegar: …She told me that if you do proper commentary even just for one match tonight then she will accept your marriage proposal.

Hanson: Well then what are waiting for? While you were yammering on Nick the four competitors of this match have made their way down to the ring and it looks like Serapis and Vladimir are starting things off.

Vinegar: My god its working! I mean the two of them locking up in the center of the ring, Serapis though firing of several elbows then a Fireman’s carry takedown and here’s a springboard clothesline!

Hanson: Serapis is on fire in the early going, look at me Gabby, look at me, I’m doing it!

Vinegar: Ulysys though fighting back now with several strikes of his own, using that lanky 7’3 body of his to rain down shots on Serapis. Now Irish whipping him off the ropes and a big boot.

Hanson: Was that a tooth?

Vinegar: Vladimir pulling Serapis back up and making the tag, Serapis though with a back body drop takes the Russian down.

Hanson: Wow suplexing 7’3 of Russian that’s impressive!

Vinegar: Remember he only weighs 245 pounds.

Hanson: Not so impressive then, meanwhile Paul Cockatoo has come in and hit Serapis with a lariat now a running powerslam.

Vinegar: Now Paul seems to be is he demeaning Serapis’s Taiwanese lineage?

Hanson: Wow even I wouldn’t say that! Serapis quickly back up though with a snapmare and driving that knee into his back! Now stalking him and a flying head scissors take down before dragging Paul towards his corner and tagging in Osiris.

Vinegar: These two as have shown in the past capable of teamwork and there’s a double suplex!

Hanson: Paul though crawling towards Vladimir and he makes the tag. In comes the Russian right into a Death Valley Driver from Osiris and then Serapis with a standing moonsault before he leaves the ring.

Vinegar: Osiris now locking in a grounded bearhug, crushing the ribs of Vladimir.

Hanson: He’s squeezing the life out of him Nick, he’s trying to go for the submission victory. Just look at the pressure he’s applying to it…you are watching aren’t you Gabby?

Vinegar: She assured me that she is Dan, just keep doing what you’re doing!

Hanson: Vladimir though using his immense reach to grab the ropes and force the hold to be broken. Osiris striking away then comes off the ropes with a thrust kick attempt.

Vinegar: Vladimir though levels him with a clothesline and now dragging him to the corner and making the tag to Paul.

Hanson: The multi-national allies now both stomping away at Osiris.

Vinegar: Paul Cockatoo now locking in a sleeper but he releases the hold…

Hanson: To play air drums!

Vinegar:…

Hanson:…

Vinegar:…

Hanson: See this is why we need someone the likes of OUR Global Champ out here…even if he did drink some disgusting Red Bull!

Vinegar: You’re getting off topic and Gabby’s in my ear set telling me to let you know she’s losing interest!

Hanson: Let me talk to her!

Vinegar: ahhh no!

Nicholas Vinegar moves away from Daniel slightly gripping his headset so Dan can’t take it..

Hanson: Pay attention to the match Nick Osiris has got back to his feet and suplexed the Australian and is now tagging in Serapis!

Vinegar: Serapis coming right in and gripping Paul’s arms, yanking him to his feet and Tiger Driver!

Peterson: 1…2…

Vinegar: Paul kicks out and grabs Serapis with a sleeper.

Hanson: Serapis though quickly fights out and suplexes Paul before now stomping away at him.

Vinegar: And Serapis now going to the top rope, I expect a somersault senton!

Hanson: So did Paul who rolled out of the way and tagged Vladimir who comes charging into the ring…

Vinegar: But Serapis with a take down and chains it into the Anaconda Vice. The big Russian struggling but he ahs no choice!

Hanson: Vladimir tapped…and I called an entire match just like my Gabby wanted…MY GOD I’M GETTING MARRIED!!

Vinegar: About that Dan…I lied!

Hanson: I hate you!

Vinegar: Well that matters to me very little after seeing a match like that Serapis surprising the big Russian with that submission.

Hanson: You know I brought some rotten tomatoes to throw at that Russian but I think I’ll throw them at you instead Nick!

Vinegar: What now?

Hanson: Not now but sometime tonight!

Vinegar: I doubt that Daniel I guarantee you will forget about those tomatoes by the start of the next match! Regardless soemthings going on backstage.

In Ezekiel’s locker room, Scarlet folds her clothes and sets them neatly into a bag that she has lying on the table beside her. Whistling as she does so, the sound coming from her stops suddenly as she hears a voice from behind her.

Voice: Every day you may make progress. Every step may be fruitful.

Scarlet freezes, knowing that the voice belongs to Raenius.

Raenius: Yet there will stretch out before you an ever-lengthening, ever-ascending, ever-improving path. You know you will never get to the end of the journey. But this, so far from discouraging, only adds to the joy and glory of the climb.

Scarlet: I-

Raenius: Hush now, lovely.

The Resident Evil grabs her by the throat, making her gasp for breath as he pushes her against the wall.

Raenius: Sir Winston Churchill said that, you know. Now. What am I trying to teach you by telling you this?

The woman looks at him as much in confusion as in discomfit.

Raenius: I’ve been trying to put Ezekiel down a path of self-discovery that’ll do him the world of good… but our boy’s a bit… well, a bit dense, really. So I believe he may need a little… push. So. Where is he?

Scarlet tries to reply, but has no power in her voice.

Raenius: Scar, Scar… don’t fuck me about, m’love.

Ezekiel: Let her go, Raenius.

The evil hiss of Ezekiel’s maddened voice forces a little chuckle from behind the Kabuki mask as it continues to stare flaming holes through Scarlet’s soul.

Raenius: Little Ezekiel. You really don’t know what you’ve done to yourself, do you? You can’t see it at all.

Another laugh.

Ezekiel: What the fuck are you talking about, you asshole!?

The Resident Evil throws her to the floor like a rag doll, turning and walking up to Pax. Mere centimetres away from him now.

Raenius: Y’know, I don’t know why the fuck I bother with you, Ezekiel. You’re so determined to learn nothing at all… to stay exactly how you are right now. And that, poor boy, is flawed at best. Disabled. You’re like a man in a wheelchair, offered new and better legs than before… who simply closes his eyes, puts his fingers in his ears and “la-la-la’s” his way into a life of less. But by the end of tonight, you’ll see. I’ll make you see.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Hanson: This is gonna be another hobo match isn’t it?

Vinegar: Well Damascus is wrestling, but I hardly think we can consider him anymore homeless than the GIW at this point.

Hanson: Hobo, aint got shit to do with homeless. Eh, at least maybe he’ll make certain that mask wearing pyro child molesting piece of crap that got us kicked off the air is unable to procreate. Rumor has it he’s traveling with a 13 year old runaway that he purchased from some bush people for a few trinkets and something called a shiny fire starter.

Vinegar: Where’d you get that rumor?

Hanson: Fuck the rumor! What the hell is a shiny fire starter, and where can the Han-Man get one!

Vinegar: Times like this I wish I was the one getting Kamikaze Smashered. Put me out of my misery.

Hanson: Me too. I really don’t think I like you much Nick. Still though Komoblubbery doesn’t deserve the honor of being the one to finally kill you.

Vinegar: Honor?

Hanson: Hunger? He is a rather large pile of steaming crap.

Vinegar: How is it no one has bludgeoned you to the point of non-recognition yet?

Hanson: Because the Han-Man has the power! There can be only one!

Vinegar: Was that the Robot Chicken on last night?

Hanson: Fuck if I know. I haven’t had the free time to waste in front of the boob tube in months! To much real boobs!

Vinegar: I didn’t know there was ‘to much’ boobs.

Hanson: Well then you need to pay attention as you’ve clearly never seen Komosucky.

Vinegar: I think we should send it to Mitchell, so we can get Komo and Ezekiel out here to hear what you have to say.

Hanson: Fucker.

Dennis: Online n00bs and newbs and brave men and women in attendance the following contesting a scheduled for one fall and is a triple threat match! Introducing first standing six foot two inches, weighting in at 216 pounds, he wears nail polish this is Peter Damascus!

‘Mask of Sanity’ roars into playing as Peter Damascus emerges from the entrance section of the make shift arena. He pays little attention to the cheers from the service men and women who are just happy to have a show, and he pays even less to the few that are actual fans and are hurling abuse at the Empty Eyed Anarchist. He slides into the ring under the bottom rope, and snarls at Glenn Burke who attempts to check him for foreign objects.

Hanson: Nail polish?

Vinegar: It’s a new day Dan.

Dennis: And his opponent standing five foot ten inches, weighting in at 170 pounds, he wears a mask, this is Ezekiel!

The opening lyrics to 'No Other Place' by Hollywood Undead hits the speakers. 'No Other Place I'd Rather Be Than Los Angeles' but before the 'shake it, baby' part hits, static hits the speakers like someone changed a radio station and then 'Coming Undone' by Korn bursts onto the speakers and would crack GlobaTron rather slowly if we were in the GIW Arena. After 1 minutes 16 seconds into the song, the first chorus ends and again the static hits like radio station change, but there are no cracks. A few blurts of noise are heard like someone is trying to find a good song. The cracks would have almost filled the screen by now as a guitar melody begins across the PA System. After about 20 seconds, there is a brief pause followed by Leigh Kakaty screaming 'YEAH!' as 'Hero' by Pop Evil begins to plays. Ezekiel makes his way out on the ramp and walks towards the ring, scanning the audience as the fans go wild. He slides into the ring under the bottom rope and gets to his knees. He continues looking into the crowd and then gets to his feet. He walks to the corner and sits on the apron leaning into the corner, awaiting the arrival of his opponent.

Hanson: Jesus, you know that’s about two minutes of entrance before Ezekiel even makes an appearance! What a let down.

Vinegar: Did you get sand in your briefs or something. You seem extra bitchy tonight.

Hanson: Motherfucker, just cause we’re online don’t mean I wont film your beating and submit it to Break.com. Whoop yo ass, and make five hun’ed.

Vinegar: So scared.

Hanson: Damn right.

Dennis: And their opponent. Standing six foot nine inches, weighting in at 409 pounds, he wears a thong, this is Komosube!... please don’t judge us.

Hanson: No shit! We got nail polish, beauty masks, and thongs. Is this a wrestling match or ‘Zekes little girls sleep over?

Vinegar: Komosube’s head is still red from that attack earlier, I can only imagine what kinda of state of mind the big man is in after that viscious attack, but there is no time to contemplate, THERE’S THE BELL!

Hanson: Thank god.

Vinegar: And it looks like Damascus and Ezekiel are going to try for a pseudo truce here as they both immediately jump on Komosube.

Hanson: So it is a sleep over?

Vinegar: Damascus sending all he’s got behind those hard right hands into Komosube’s already injured head, but the Japanese Powerhouse is focusing on Ezekiel. He’s got a hold of Iron Man, and sends his massive head crashing into that mask, regardless of his won injury. Pax is down, and now Komosube turning his attention to Damascus.

Hanson: Well he should have stayed on Ezekiel, ‘cause the Japanese Fatass just ate a janglie busting kick to the junk!

Vinegar: Ate a janglie? Was that singular?

Hanson: I prefer not to dwell to much on Fatmans one ball.

Vinegar: But you would dwell?

Hanson: Bitch yo momma dwells!

Vinegar: And Komo fires back with a tremendous knife edge chop that sends Damascus to the mat. Before he can capitalize though Ezekiel hits the ropes with a springboard, and crashes that forearm into the back of Komo’s injured head!

Hanson: The buffet buster is only staggered though, but Damascus lunges with a bloodletting headbutt which wobbles the mashed potato monster.

Vinegar: Before he can take advantage though Ezekiel off the ropes again with a hard FORE-N Object! Brutal roaring elbow to the hobo’s face!

Hanson: I don’t know how wise that was. They have the change to take that obese giant cuntster, and instead he opts to attack that gutter dweller.

Vinegar: Well Ezekiel off the ropes again head of steam towards Komosube, Decapitation!

Hanson: Again though that sick kick only wobbles the 400 pounder!

Vinegar: Ezekiel looks beside himself. Back to the ropes, Highbeam, NO KOMO DUCKS DOWN AND LANDS HIS OWN HEADBUTT! MY GAWD ‘ZEKE JUST RAN INTO A BREAK WALL!

Hanson: Eh, probably didn’t hurt anything.

Vinegar: Komosube pulling Ezekiel back to his feet, hard Irish whip to the corner, Komo follows with a massive avalanche, the Red Eyed Wonder dives out of the way and took Glenn Burke to the canvas with him! I swear that ring just slide two feet!

Hanson: The fuck? We back in the eighties again? Cause if we are, T-roy is still alive, and that coke head owes me fifty bucks!

Vinegar: Komo stumbles out of the corner, he turns, Damascus with that collapsible shovel right to the doodle of Komosube!

Hanson: OH! Eyes crossed, but still on his feet!

Vinegar: Another shot to the doodle, Komo still up, and now a hard blow to the head! Komosube’s out on his feet! HIGH BEAM! Ezekiel just send Komosube through the ropes with that spear!

Hanson: Yeah but now he’s on the mat under Hobo Joe who still has that shovel!

Vinegar: Damascus gets rid of the weapon, as Glenn Burke climbs back to his feet, and the Empty Eyed Anarchist starts unloading those stomps to Ironman before dropping to his knees to drive those fists into Ezekiel’s skull!

Hanson: The urine stained superstar pulls Ezekiel to his feet now, sends him to the rope, kick to the doodle, kick to the doodle, oh please kick him in the doodle!

Vinegar: Ezekiel slides under Damascus’ foot, springs to his feet, the Sequel! Damascus is down after that soul food type maneuver! Ezekiel back to the apron, he’s measuring Damascus, no Komosube pulls Zeke to the floor than sandwiches him between his…

Hanson: Big fat smelling belly and that ring! Then damn near takes his head off with that clothesline to the back of Ezekiel’s neck.

Vinegar: Komo rolls the High Flyer into the ring, he climbs the apron, and Damascus out of nowhere body checks the massive former champion back to the floor!

Hanson: How can you think of hockey in weather like this?

Vinegar: Damascus picks up Pax, arm wringer, pulls him in, countered! Vertigo! That spinning unprettier!

Hanson: Countered! Empty Abyss!

Vinegar: Connects! He didn’t get all of it though, and Ezekiel bounces free. Here’s the cover!

Burke: ONE!

Hanson: When’s Gabby coming back?

Burke: TWO!!

Vinegar: Komo back in the ring!

Hanson: TO LATE!

Burke: THREE!!!

Dennis: Ladies and gentlemen here is your winner! The nail polish kid, Peter Damascus!

Vinegar: And Komosube just keeps going, out of the ring, and now back up the entrance ramp.

Hanson: Hey, DumbAssKiss just hocked a loogie at Mitchell Dennis!

Vinegar: I think it’s best if we just move on to the next match.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Vinegar: Now it’s time for tonight GIW.com title match.

Hanson: What again?

Vinegar: Well yeah.

Hanson: Geez every week. I tell ya, baldy had better cheat in this one or I’m gonna get real bored.

Vinegar: That’s unlikely. For his, let’s call it, excessive self assurance, Moss Edwards is a competitor in the truest sense of the word.

Hanson: Aside from all the previous cheating, interferences etc.

Vinegar: Say what you like but the Auteur has defended that belt almost every week for over three months and is the definition of a fighting champion and I‘ll bet anything that these soldiers appreciate and respect that.

Hanson: All that means is he doesn’t have enough swing around here to be able to pick his battles.

Vinegar: And he’s proven that he doesn’t need to.

Hanson: No but-

Vinegar: Oh shut it we could do this all night.

Hanson: Like yo momma can do the H-Train all night.

Vinegar: Seriously? You haven’t done enough yo momma jokes so far tonight?

Hanson: I don’t even know. Best hope so or you’re gonna look dumb.

Vinegar: It’s probably about time the match actually got started huh?

Hanson: Probably.

Diamond in the Rough starts to play and Jack Severino walks out. Unfortunately no way has been discovered to turn the Sun out for such, in the grand scheme of things, meagre reasons so he has to in plain sight.

Dennis: The following contest is for the GIW.com title! Introducing first, from Christchurch, New Zealand, weighing in at 270lbs! Diamond Jack Severiiiiinoooooo!!!

Hanson: Hooray for square head. Ya know word on the street is he’s probably about to fuck things up with Gabby, yet again.

Vinegar: Where do you hear these things?

Hanson: I just said, the Street.

Vinegar: You mean where eD came from?

Hanson: No, it’s metaphorical, get with the program Granddad.

Vinegar: The idea that you could be my offspring in any way would make me consider suicide.

Diamond Jack starts walking down the ramp, shielding his eyes from the Sun. He poses half heartedly on the way. He climbs the ring steps, walks the length of the apron and enters through the ropes.

Vinegar: Normally if we’re making particular mention of one of these athletes motivation it’s to point out how much greater then usual it seems to be but Jack doesn’t look like he wants to be here much at all.

Hanson: Can’t you blame him? He’s competing for the repackaged Women’s Title. I wouldn’t be too excited about joining the ranks of Misery or Brandon McSkinny or-

Vinegar: Chinatsu Chen or Gabrielle?

Hanson: Yeah, wait-

As before the lack of a roof and the presence of natural light keeps the makeshift arena illuminated. Surprisingly, Grace Harding appears first, a small clapper board held over her head in one hand. A wall of wolf whistles greet her as she poses and snaps it down.

Grace: Action!

I Turn My Camera On starts to play and Moss Edwards walks out after his assistant, camcorder in hand. He plays it over the whole arena before walking down the ramp, doing close-ups of the first few rows as he goes.

Vinegar: The Auteur of course doing some of his own brand of film making of our stay out here in the Gulf.

Hanson: You totally just said his films stink.

Vinegar: I did not. I simply mentioned their, uniqueness.

Hanson: Is that even a word?

Vinegar: According to a popular word processor it is.

Dennis: And the opponent! Accompanied to the ring by Grace Harding! From Hollywood, California, weighing in at 180lbs! He is the GIW.com Champion! The Auteur, Moss Edwaaaards!!!

Moss Slides into the ring and climbs the turnbuckle, filming out into the crowd. He then jumps down and walks across to the opposite turnbuckle to do the same. As his music cuts out he passes the camera to Grace and removes his usual vest and hat.

Hanson: Is this one finally ready to get going?

Vinegar: For someone so unenthused about this earlier, you seem eager for it to begin.

Hanson: The sooner it starts the sooner it’s over. Even you should be able to understand that.

Vinegar: That desperate to see Kiseragi and BoolZ huh?

Hanson: Well damn Nick, it’s like being stuck between a rock and a gay herpes infested place.

Ding! Ding!

Vinegar: And the bell saves me having to respond to that. Moss shoots for a tie up and Jack just pie faced him.

Hanson: Ok, credit where it’s due, that was funny.

Vinegar: Moss thrown back and clearly upset about the disrespect shown. Whether it’s for the match or the opponent I don’t know but Jack doesn’t look like he plans on playing nice. Moss shoots again and this time gets a boot in the face. Knocks him back but Jack doesn’t even pretend to follow up.

Hanson: Well it’s another bout of poor decision making approximately a 7 on the Boolzian scale.

Vinegar: The Boolzian scale?

Hanson: I just thought of it. It’s gonna be big, trust me.

Vinegar: Didn’t you just discredit this match and the title?

Hanson: I did no such thing! How could anyone discredit a title held, in some form, by Gabrielle and Chinatsu Chen?

Vinegar: Moss looks pissed off and this crowd doesn’t seem happy either. The Soldiers at ringside voicing their displeasure. They want a show and this isn’t one. DJS turns to the crowd and leaves his back open.

Hanson: Hmm, it’s early so I’ll say that’s probably only 6 on the scale.

Vinegar: Moss looking to get this one going properly. Dropkick to the back sends Severino to the ropes. Moss tries to roll him up but Jack clings on and shakes him off. Turns back right into a front dropkick that sends him hard into the corner.

Hanson: Now square head just looks pissed. Maybe he’s got sand in his tights.

Vinegar: If he didn’t on the way out I don’t see how he would now. Moss following up though. Knife edge chops in the corner and these men and women getting behind every one of them.

Crowd: Whoo! Whoo!

Vinegar: Moss backs up. Fade out! No Jack sidesteps it and Moss gets a kneeful of turnbuckle. Back suplex by Jack. No Moss lands on his feet, great display of athleticism. DJS turns into a kick to the gut. Bulldog out to the middle of the ring by Edwards.

Hanson: Now poke the referee in the eye and kick Jack in the crotch!

Vinegar: Against my partners advice Moss runs off the ropes and drops a snap elbow to the back of Severino’s head. Off the ropes again, Jack manages to dive at his feet time though. Moss steps over, off the other side, DJS with a clothesline but Moss ducks it. Springboard hurricanrana! Reversed into a power bomb, held for the pin.

1!

2!

Vinegar: Kick out by Moss but that big slam just stole all his momentum. Jack puts the boot to him and Moss escapes to the floor.

Hanson: Haha, Jack tried to reach over the rope and drag him back up but his stubby fingers couldn’t get a grip on Moss’s bald sweaty head.

Vinegar: Either way, Moss ready to get back into it, slides into the ring between Jack’s legs. Runs off the ropes again and eats a faceful of shoulder as Severino checks him to the mat.

Hanson: Now when he turns his back, bite his ankle!

Vinegar: Seriously?

Hanson: Yeah.

Vinegar: Through the boot?

Hanson: It’ll work, trust me.

Vinegar: Once again my partner is ignored as Jack goes off the ropes, steps over The Auteur. Moss to his feet, leapfrog. Catches Jack on his way back, Shiranui off the ropes. Cover.

1!

2!

Vinegar: Again only a near fall. Both men fighting to get back to their feet. Moss is up first, stiff shot to a kneeling Blue Eyed Devil. Jack replies with a shot to the gut. Blows going back and forth but Jack manages to fight to his feet. Blocks an incoming shot, scoop body slam by Severino.

Hanson: So how this main event huh?

Vinegar: Oh we’re digressing are we?

Hanson: I ran out of things to say about these two.

Vinegar: Ok as long as you don’t mind me actually doing my job at the same time.

Hanson: If you must.

Vinegar: Jack picking Moss back up off the mat. Irish whip into the corner. Big running clothesline and a side belly to belly suplex back out. Lateral press.

1!

2!

Vinegar: Another kick out and I’m sure Jack would look more frustrated if he seemed to care more. He just gets up and leans on the ropes, waiting for Moss to get up. Doesn’t take him long and Jack decides it’s time for a bicycle kick. Moss manages to roll away from it though and hit’s a chop block.

Hanson: If I can get a word in edge ways. How did Boss P think putting his monkey in a match with the Most Influential Man in Sports Entertainment This Millennia, with his Blessed Immortality tag partner as referee was a good idea?

Vinegar: I think Blessed Immortality is a thing of the past. Do you not remember last week at all? Moss quickly up to the top rope. Jack’s getting back up. Diving cross body!

Hanson: Oh I’m sure that was nothing but a brief misunderstanding. Happens to the best of us.

Vinegar: I wouldn’t count on that. Jack snatches him out of mid air, rolls him up onto his shoulders. Glass Jaw! No! Moss lands on his feet. Snap hurricanrana, Jack’s in the ropes. Moss running, Tiger Feint Kick!

Hanson: Don’t you mean 61-

Vinegar: No, for gimmick infringement reasons. Moss on the apron, Springboard Star Press connects! Cover!

1!

2!

3!

Ding! Ding!

Dennis: Here is your winner and still, STIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIL!!!!! GIW.com champion. Moss Edwaaaards!

Hanson: Apparently he’s still the Champion.

Vinegar: So I hear. Another defence for the reign montage. You’ve got to wonder if anyone can stop this man.

Hanson: Yeah but they all seem to have better things to do.

Vinegar: Than fight for Gabby’s old title?

Hanson: Yeah.

Vinegar: …

Hanson: No!

Vinegar: Don’t you wish we could go to commercials?

Hanson: I really do.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Hanson: I think I could have been a soldier.

Vinegar: Right.

Hanson: Not now, but back in the day, when I was more active, you know.

Vinegar: I'm sure.

Hanson: Colonel Fredrickson let me fire a gun this week. It made me really want a steak. It made me want to shoot the damn cow myself.

Vinegar: I'm glad you've enjoyed your week here in Iraq.

Mitchell: The following match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first.............ALEX, THE DRAGON, KISERAAAAAGIIII!

Juno Reactor plays and Alex comes down the makeshift ramp to the cheers of the men and women in uniform. He is obviously heavily bandaged, and wears a face guard to protect his still-broken nose. He tries to throw a few kicks in the air to get some crowd support.

Vinegar: It’s clear to see that Alex can’t quite get full extension of those legs, and even that effort right now is causing some pain.

Hanson: I will give Alex one sole compliment: it takes a lot of fortitude to drag your dumb carcass down that ramp when you’re in such obviously shitty shape.

Mitchell: And his opponent.........THE RED BULL ICON, RANDYYYYYY BOOOOOLZIAAAAN!

Chevelle brings out Randy, to an even bigger pop. Cigarettes are flicked into the air, carpeting the ramp and a few even land in the middle of the ring. BoolZ smiles and plucks one out of the air, lights it and takes a few drags before pulling himself into the ring.

Vinegar: Both of these men have had quite similar trajectories in recent months.

Hanson: And both men have really stepped up their game in terms of annoying me. My fingers are totally crossed that tonight, we will see a major swerve. Tonight, Kiseragay is pulling a shiv on Foolzian!

Vinegar: You can always hope, I suppose. There's the bell, and this match is underway. Alex with an arm drag right out the gate, tries for another one, Boolzian reverses and the Dragon hits the mat! RBI with a clothesline, Kiseragi ducks and sweeps the leg.

Hanson: Cobra Kai!

Vinegar: Randy on his way to his knees, Dragon tries for a buzzsaw kick but Boolzian rolls out of the way. He pushes off the mat to rebound from the ropes, high impact clothesline!

Hanson: Oh, maybe it will be Boolzian! He curbstomps The Rainbow Warrior right here, right now!

Vinegar: No, it appears that the Icon is allowing his opponent to get up. Boot to the midsection leads to a side headlock, bulldog is on the way, Kiseragi pushes Randy off.

Hanson: And low blows him?

Vinegar: Nope, waits for him to turn before landing a textbook dropkick. Fujiwara armbar to keep the Red Bull Icon on the mat.

Hanson: You know what you could do from this position? Bite off those nicotine crusted fingers!

Vinegar: You're really desperate for this swerve, aren't you?

Hanson: I am not a fan of gray.

Vinegar: Boolzian gets a foot on the rope, Dragon has to break the hold. Both men are getting up, Alex grabs him and charges into the corner, springboard bulldog! There's the pin attempt.

Hanson: Come on, grab those tights!

Vinegar: Kick out before 2, no sign of tight grabbing.

Hanson: Damn.

Vinegar: RBI quick with the flying forearm shot to put the momentum back in his favor. Both men back up, dropkick, back up, Boolz with a fake out, Kiseragi ducking instinctively to be met with a kick!

Hanson: That could have been it! Now follow it up with a choke!

Vinegar: No, he follows it up with short range clothesline.

Hanson: Damn!

Vinegar: Randy is pulling himself up onto the top turnbuckle! He must be planning something big, Kiseragi is up, but Boolzian hasn't noticed yet.

Hanson: Punch him in the balls, punch him in the balls!

Vinegar: Kiseragi leaps onto a different post and runs the ropes towards Boolzian! He dropkicks Randy off of the turnbuckle! Alex lands on his feet inside the ring, Boolzian tumbles to the floor! Now The Dragon with an Asai moonsault onto the Red Bull Icon!

Hanson: Oh this is perfect, there have to be some chairs under that apron, leave that boy bloody and broken, do it do it do it!

Vinegar: Kiseragi rolls Randy back into the ring and goes for a cover.

Hanson: Feet on the ropes?

Vinegar: Nope. A kick out at 2, no ropes involved.

Hanson: I'm starting to think there won't be a turn in this match. Sad face.

Vinegar: Picking Randy off the mat, and there's a series of harsh chops driving him into the corner! Irish whip, it's reversed! Clothesline follow up! Now he's trying to set up The Dragon for the superplex!

Hanson: Even when it's people I can't stand, there is always something cool about any move with the word Super in it.

Vinegar: Dragon pushes him off onto the mat, flying hurracarana! Another pin attempt, another two count! Boolzian is first to his feet, Kiseragi is still on his back!

Hanson: He hit the wall, Nick. He was relying on adrenaline to get through this match, but now his body is reminding him that he was a dumbass. Which is the perfect time for Randy to start kicking him in the stitches!

Vinegar: It appears that BoolZ would rather take the opportunity to catch his own breath. He crawls up onto the turnbuckle and calls for a can, which comes flying out from the crowd. He empties it to a huge pop.

Hanson: Wow, people in the desert are so starved for entertainment that they will applaud somebody drinking from a can. Jarhead was right.

Vinegar: The referee checking on Kiseragi, seeing if he can continue. You have to hand it to the Dragon, he didn’t ask for this match and no one would blame him for taking the ten count but he is struggling back to his feet.

Hanson: He can pull that classic move where you hit the other guy with your face guard! Come on, do something to make me care!

Vinegar: You are really pulling for this, aren’t you?

Hanson: I lose my smile when Travis Roberts isn’t around.

Vinegar: Wow, that’s disturbing. Wait, by the entrance, is that….

Hanson: That is Dredd, carrying a large cooler box. Apparently it’s time for mid-match refreshments?

Vinegar: He sets the cooler down on the ramp and walks down to the ring. The lids pops up, that’s Boss P! And he’s sent his enforcer down to ringside, but for what?

Hanson: To help one of them turn on the other! My dreams will become a reality!

Vinegar: The referee is still preoccupied with helping Alex get to his feet and trying to convince him to forfeit. Boolzian’s caught another Red Bull, his back is turned to the ramp.

Hanson: And damn that penguin, he looks cute when he’s playing Jack in the Box.

Vinegar: Dredd hops up onto the turnbuckle, taking that Red Bull can and slamming it against Boolzian’s forehead! CONCRETE PILEDRIVER!

Hanson: What a grand plan by Alex Kiseragi! What an evil genius!

Vinegar: Dredd picks up Boolz and props him against the ropes by his armpits, then slips out of the ring, the referee allows Alex out of the corner. Kiseragi doesn’t notice Dredd, he just sees BoolZ with his back to him!

Hanson: No, he’s PRETENDING he doesn’t see Dredd. I feel an acronym coming on.

Vinegar: I hope not. Either way, The Dragon charges…er, hobbles slightly faster…and leaps at the back of Boolzian, rolling clutch pin! 1 2 3!

Mitchell: Here is your winner, ALEX THE DRAGOOOOON KISERAAAGII!

Vinegar: The crowd voicing clear disapproval of this ending, Alex looking very perplexed by the reaction.

Hanson: And now Dredd rolling back into the ring, putting some boots to Boolzian!, Kiseragi still acting confused, he must have learned that in model school.

Vinegar: Boss P nodding his approval from his cooler on the ramp as Dredd rains blows down on Boolzian. Kiseragi pulling him off and exchanging words, but Dredd just smirks and rolls back to the floor.

Hanson: I would have preferred a handshake, but maybe that’ll come next week....

Vinegar: Folks, theres still more to come with the Main Event just moments away, but yet again, something is going down backstage...

Ezekiel is seen in his "locker room" after that hard fought battle, just about to take off his mask, when Komosube bursts through the tent flaps! Ezekiel stands to turn, just as Komosube throttles Ezekiel with both hands, tightly, causing the smaller high-flyer to shake his head and gag.

Ezekiel: Wh....whhhat...

Komosube(In Japanese): ALL HAIL HIROSHIMA!

With that said, Komosube pulls Ezekiel into a collection of brutal heabutts, causing Ezekiel to gurgle and groan, SMASH SMASH SMASH SMASH, until he is hanging limply, barely on his feet. Komosube lets go of the hold only to smash Ezekiel in the face with a massive fist, his own face a mask of rage. No laughing, no bullying, no words, just sheer, sheer anger. He lands a couple of token stomps to Ezekiel, just to hurt the frame of him more. With that done, however, Komosube turns, snorts, and begins to walk away, but as he does so, a vicious chair shot makes him stumble.

A moment later, Raenius drops the chair shot and roars heartily as he delivers the Full Frontal while, from behind, Dirge runs in with a Spinebreaker gore of his own and the two Covenant members crush the big man with their signature move.

Vinegar: Christ!

Hanson: Vae Victus!

Raenius lays two folded chairs over the body of Komosube and turns to Dirge, who lifts his partner up over his head and drops him hard onto their fallen victim. After pulling himself to his feet, Raenius grabs a Kendo stick from somewhere, throwing a second one to Dirge, and the two brutally go to work on Komosube.

Vinegar: The Covenant are obviously displeased with the Hiroshima veteran…

After a time, Raenius lifts up Ezekiel who staggers about as the Resident Evil holds a chair over his face, while Dirge delivers a Roaring Elbow, dropping him nastily to the floor.

Raenius: Did I or did I not tell you, Ezekiel, my son…

Slowly, Raenius pulls a mask out of his trench coat while Dirge drags the man to his feet once more.

Raenius: That I’d make you see?

Showing him the mask, the realisation dawns…

Hanson: That’s an Ezekiel mask!

Vinegar: It was Raenius that attacked Komosube earlier in the night?!

Hanson: The Covenant has played us all!

Dirge delivers his History Made move, laying Ezekiel out cold while, on the other side of the room, Komosube starts to pull himself up.

Raenius: For fuck’s sake… Dirge?

Dirge nods, smirking, and walks over to Komosube to slap on his submission move, Say Goodnight.

Hanson: He’s going to choke him out!

As Dirge cranks the move, Raenius lifts the kendo stick again and starts to wail on him until he stops moving. Then, he turns to Ezekiel’s limp body, throwing the mask onto his chest.

Raenius: You can have this back now. I’ve seen through your eyes. And shit, am I disappointed…

He slides his Kabuki mask from his face just enough to reveal his mouth, spitting on Ezekiel before the two Covenant members take their leave of this scene of destruction…

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Rather than returning to the makeshift outdoor arena to partake in some main event hype, we follow ‘The Dragon’ Alex Kiseragi as he exits his tent with his bag slung across his shoulders. Merely moments after his controversial win over the ‘Red Bull Icon’ the Two Time GIW Unified Global Champion is making his way straight for the exit and presumably a flight out of Iraq, when a huge Shadow rolls across his body, and he is stopped dead in his tracks.

‘The Dragon’ looks up and down, with an expression of shock and horror, before chuckling to himself and shaking his head in disbelief. The view slowly spins around to reveal what is casting such a large shadow across the body of Kiseragi. Blocking ‘The Dragons’ way out stands a huge armoured tank, barrels pointing directly at Alex, and sitting ontop, with a cigar in his ebak is non other than GIW Enforcer Boss Penguin.

Boss P: SO FLIPPY NINJA NIGGA, BOSS P TAKES IT HE CAN COUNT ON YOUR SUPPORT IN THE COMING MONTHS?

Alex: You think sending some ageing drunk to interfere in my match is the way to my allegiance? You’re sorely mistaken bird...

Boss P: YOU TINK BOSS P DID ‘DAT TO HELP YO? NAH NIGGA, ‘DAT JUNKIE NIGGA HAS HAD ‘DAT COMIN’ TOO HIM FOR TOO LONG. I’MMA JUS’ ASSUMING YO’ ASS AIN’T STUPID ENOUGH NOT TO SUPPORT ME!

Alex: I’m flattered that you need me so much, but I’ve got a flight to catch.

Boss P: FLIPPY NIGGA, YO’ BEST THINK ‘BOUT WHAT YO’ DO, ‘CAUSE BELIEVE ME NIGGA, ‘DERE WILL BE CONSEQUENCES...AND I AIN’T TALKING BOUT NO JUNKIE DAWG...

Alex shakes his head, and again chuckles to himself as he makes his way around the tank that Boss P proudly sits atop, but before Boss P can fire off anymore of his threats, the Special Guest Referee for the Main Event, Lord Donovan Hastings appears in front of the tank, making his way towards the ring...

Boss P: YO, LORD CHIEF NIGGA, YO THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT DA BOSS HAD TO SAY? YO HELP ME, I’MMA HELP YO...

Donovan merely looks over at Boss P, as Owen Peterson, who has accompanied the Lord Chief gives his closest acquaintance in GIW a quizzical look. Hastings doesn’t exchange anywords with the Penguin but merely heads towards the ring area, whilst Owen questions him out of our range.

Hanson: So he is in a Tank now?

Vinegar: I guess he found one lying about.

Hanson: That’s comforting...

Vinegar: What do you think that was all about though? I mean it’s obvious he wants Alex Kiseragi to line up with him against the possible MJ, Travis and BoolZ alignment? Do you think he’s trying to drag Donovan into it too?

Hanson: I think you’ve been watching too many conspiracy shows, there are no sides forming, where was Travis Roberts when BoolZ was getting his head driven into the canvas earlier? Nowhere, because there ain’t no partnership, there is no war coming...

Vinegar: I’d love to agree with you, but I think we’re beyond wishful thinking now...Boss P and MJ are on a collision course...

“Immortal”

Dennis: The Next match is scheduled for one fall, Introducing first tonight’s Special Guest Referee, being accompanied by Owen Peterson, LOOOOOORD DOOOOOONOOOOOVAN HAAAAASTINGS!

Hanson: And there is the Lord Chief in all his Majesty, and look he has his Baghdad Cloak on....is that a bullet hole? Who the hell tried to shoot the lord chief....infidels!

Vinegar: I think you might be able to find a long list of suspects.

Hanson: Silence! Or I shall try you myself for treason!

Vinegar: You really are a sad case aren’t you? I suppose it would be treasonous to wonder whether Boss P has Hastings in his pocket tonight?

Hanson: There is no-one with more integrity as The Lord Chief, he will officiate this match better than any of our so called professional referee’s...

“Divine”

Dennis: From Deep Ellum, Texas....THE MONSTER...DREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDD!!!

Vinegar: Boss P’s muscle making his second appearance of the night, and the servicemen and women are roundly booing him after his actions earlier tonight.

Hanson: I don’t know why, I for one quite enjoy seeing people beat down Randy Boolzian, in facvt it adds something to a show if FoolZ is beaten close to unconsciousness...

Vinegar: The Armed Forces seem to disagree with you...in fact I think we might see Travis Roberts on the end of a fairly decent reception tonight...

Hanson: you say that as if it’s surprising, it doesn’t take Dredd beating on BoolZ to gain that kind of reaction for ‘The Blessed One’, he is loved and adored no matter where he roams...

Vinegar: Just like the Lord Chief?

Hanson: Exactly! You’re finally catching on...

“Bummer”

Dennis: And introducing his opponent, from Pheonix, Arizona, he is the GIW UNIFIED GLOBAL CHAMPION...TRAAAAAAAVIS ROOOOOOOOOBERTS!!!

Vinegar: And ‘The Blessed One’ does indeed receive a positive reaction from these fans, whether it’s because they disapprove of Dredd’s actions earlier tonight, or they genuinely adore our Champion we’ll never know...

Hanson: It’s genuine Nick, believe me, it’s genuine.

Vinegar: But for the second week in a row Travis looks a hell of a lot less than 100 percent, he’s looking decidedly pale, rumours have it he has been suffering from sun stroke this week, on top of the injuries he sustained at No Holds Barred...

Hanson: Rumours...you listen to rumours? The dude is from Arizona, you know, the desert! Sunstroke...pfft.

Vinegar: Well he’s certainly aking his time walking down to the ring...

Hanson: To greet some of these hard working members of the United States armed forces...

Vinegar: You sure he’s not just leaning on the guard rail for support?

Hanson: Of course he isn’t...

Vinegar: Well he’s made it to the ring now, and it looks like he’s ready to start this up, standing vertical and looking directly at Dredd...and Hastings signals for the bell...

Hanson: And Dredd is the first to attack taking Roberts straight to the floor with a swift left hand, and then stomping away on the champion until Travis gets a hold of the bottom rope...

Vinegar: And Hastings forces Dredd to stop his attack, as ‘The Headliner’ gets back to his feet and ducks as Dredd tries a clothesline, and flips the big man over the top rope and to the floor below, as he falls to his knee’s himself...

Hanson: OK, I’ll admit he may not be in top condition, ‘The Headliner’ already looks out of gas, but I’m pretty sure it’s another elaborate TRLAOCIAFSOS...

Vinegar: I doubt it, as Dredd drags himself to his feet and slides back into the ring Roberts is only just back on his feet again, and is unable to stop ‘The Monster’ from wrapping his huge right hand around ‘The Blessed Ones’ throat, and hoisting him in the air...

Hanson: But Travis does have enough about him to use his elbows to break the hold, and manages to use his momentum to reverse it into a falling DDT!

Vinegar: A fantastic example of his ability to adapt, and The Champion now has an advantage, and he drops a knee to the skull of Dredd, before climbing the turnbuckle gingerly...and Dredd is back on his feet as Travis comes down with a Double Axe Handle...only for The Monster to catch the Champion and toss him straight back at the turnbuckles...and then follows him in with a brutal elbow smash...

Hanson: Oh dear god, that’s opened up a wound on ‘The Headliners’ forehead and he’s bleeding here in Iraq...

Vinegar: I’m honestly not sure how much more of this the Champion can take, he seems to be really struggling here tonight, the injuries sustained in Japan coupled with the intense heat of Iraq aseem to have really drained his energy and ability....

Hanson: ‘The Blessed Ones’ talent never drains away, stamina is temporary, but skill is permanent...and Dredd now grabbing ‘The Headliner’ and whipping him against the ropes...

Vinegar: Dredd goes for the Big boot...BUT BEFORE ROBERTS CONNECTS DREDD COLLAPSES!!!

Hanson: His knee gave out on him!

Vinegar: the big veteran was unable to support his own weight on his left leg as his knee just gave out, and he’s now on the floor, clearly in pain...

Hanson: And ‘The Headliner’ has pounced on the opportunity and has slapped on a figure four leglock...

Vinegar: The Champion getting a bit of luck here tonight, and he’s capitalising on it, and Dredd is screaming in pain...

Hanson: And Hastings is leaning over him...AND HE CALLS FOR THE BELL!!!

DING! DING! DING!

Vinegar: Travis Roberts has snatched a victory here from the hands of possible defeat,

Dennis: Here is your winner, via Submissi...

Vinegar: What is Owen Peterson doing? Donovan Hastings has ordered him to take the microphone from Mitchell Dennis’ hand...

Hanson: probably wants the result announced proper...

Peterson: The Winner of this match, due to unsportsmanlike behaviour from Travis Roberts, THE MOOOOOOOOOONSTER DREEEEEEEEEEEEED!

Vinegar: What the hell? Donovan Hastings has awarded the match to Dredd, how is that possible?

Hanson: I....er....I....ummmm...huh?

Vinegar: My colleague can’t quite fathom what just happened, and neither can I....and it looks like ‘The Headliner’ is somewhat confused as well, as he watches Donovan Hastings make his way up the ramp, cloak wrapped around him, not even looking back towards the ring. ‘The Headliner’ doesn’t look happy but who would...

Hanson: Ummmm....wha?....Eh?

Vinegar: Folks that’s all we’ve got time for tonight, on behalf of the gibbering mess that is Daniel Hanson, and myself, goodnight, and join us next week for the next leg of the Long Fight Home tour...god knows what will happen next!

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Credits

Various Raenius, Ezekiel and Komosube Segments
R! And Bryan

Savana vs Fear vs Capelli
T-Rob

Tag Match
DJS

Komosube vs Ezekiel vs Damascus
BoolZ

GIW.com Title Match
A-Kis

Alex vs BoolZ
Moss

Main Event
T-Rob

Editor
T-Rob