Sentinel 07/06/09 Results

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Hanson: Perverts, virgins and creepy weirdoes welcome to the Macarena arena.

Vinegar: That’s the Maracanazinho Arena.

Hanson: I don’t care about that, we’re here in Brazil where the bikinis are teeny and the boobies are…

Vinegar: What cant rhym with teeny?

Hanson: I can…and the boobies make Nicholas’s weiner took tiny.

Vinegar: Classy as always I see Daniel.

Hanson: That’s Mr. Gabrielle to you.

Vinegar: So your names Gabrielle.

Hanson: Arrgh I meant Mr. Roberts!

Vinegar: Wouldn’t you be the Mrs. In that relationship with The Headliner?

Hanson: Shut up, I meant The Lord Cheifess!

Vinegar: So we’re back to you being a woman.

Hanson: If that were the case Nick at least I’ve touched a woman; Yo Momma!

Vinegar: What do not understand about her being dead?

Hanson: You always ruin the jokes Nick, just tell me when should I set my alarm clock too?

Vinegar: Huh?

Hanson: When’s someone good coming out?

Vinegar: Well our opening contest is between Dirge and Osiris!

Hanson: What do you not understand about me not caring for them, are either of them The Headliner, or The Lord Chief or my Gabs.

Vinegar: Speaking of her I heard an interesting rumor from Jason Reeves.

Hanson: That rumor is slander; my Gabby would never sleep with The Crimson Ghost.

Vinegar: From what I’ve heard there wasn’t any sleeping involved.

Hanson: Shut up Nick!

Vinegar: Daniel are you crying?

Hanson: No!

Vinegar: Just go to sleep buddy, I’ll set your alarm.

Daniel Hanson rests his head on the commentary desk, next to his alarm clock as he wipes a tear from his eyes.

Hanson: She wouldn’t do that too me!

Vinegar: Now folks I can really welcome you too tonight’s edition of Sentinel; we’ve got a rare appearance my McZygmunt Cubed facing The GIW Unified Champion; Travis Roberts. We’ve got a GIW.com title match and Boss P and Mary-Jo’s sides clashing in several match ups. But now let’s get to our first match up; Dirge versus Osiris.

The arena’s electrics all cut out, leaving the arena with just the static from the titantron for light before High Wire Escape Artist by Boysetsfire begins to play. A wall of flame erupts from the ring as all the electrics flicker back to life as Osiris walks out from behind the curtain to stand atop the entrance ramp.

Dennis: Introducing first from Hilo, Hawaii and weighing in at 252 pounds he is: OSSSSSSSIRRRRRRRRRISSSSSSSSS!

Osiris then calmly makes his way down to the ring, his gaze shifting over the fans with indifference towards the jeers and occasional cheers sent his way.

Vinegar: This opening contest is set to be a good one folks.

Hanson: There perverts, virgins, pedophiles and guys pretending to be girls. Don’t you know the sort of people who use the internet, who would be watching us now?

Vinegar: Just go back to sleep!

The One You Love To Hate by Rob Halford and Bruce Dickinson begins to play as the lighting dims allowing a strobe light to flash before centering upon the entranceway as Dirge flanked by Erick Drugonov walks out to stand there. Dirge adorned with his previous federation belts leads Erick down to the ring, handing them over to him as they reach the ring.

Dennis: And his opponent weighing in at 345 pounds, from Las Vegas, Nevada: DIRGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEE!

The duo enter the ring with Dirge handed back his titles as he proceeds to showboat, brandishing his accomplishments to the audience.

Hanson: You would think that with Dirge being in charge of Elite Enterprises there would be at least one or two hot sluts he could bring down to the ring.

Vinegar: This is a wrestling show!

Hanson: On the internet, 127% of people use the internet only because it has porn! We could get more viewers if Dirge brought a troupe of midgets, a couple of horses and a naïve Eskimo woman covered in lube down to the ring.

Vinegar: Or Crimson Ghost and Gabrielle.

Hanson: Shut up Nick I’m warning you, if you keep that up then I’ll leave yo momma and she’ll cry her heart out over losing the H train!

Vinegar: Just go back to sleep Dan!

Hanson: Sleep in yo momma.

Vinegar: Thank god, Osiris and Dirge are trading shots in the ring I can focus on that. Dirge with a right, Osiris fires back, then Dirge, Osiris with a quick headlock takedown though. Dirge out quickly and up to his feet fireman’s carry on Osiris then a second…but wait Dirge getting to his feet and chains that fireman’s carry through to a sidewalk slam. Now going for an elbow drop but Osiris avoids it and gets right to his feet only to get taken back down with a Hammerlock Jawbreaker.

Hanson: Reminds me of the time I hammerlocked yo momma and broke her jaw with my penis.

Vinegar: I thought you were sleeping!

Hanson: I am I’m just talking in my sleep.

Vinegar: Meanwhile…Osiris and Dirge are trading shots again, with Osiris hitting a back elbow that sends Dirge stumbling backwards. Now Osiris charging in with a thrust kick and now just stomping away at Dirge. Yanks him up and a big back suplex takes Dirge back down and here’s the cover.

Peterson: 1…

2…

…

Vinegar: Kick out by Dirge. Osiris pulling him to his feet but he’s meet with a wicked lariat as its now Osiris pulled up to his feet by Dirge and set up for a belly To belly suplex, its countered though as Osiris head buts his way out of it and now charges in for another thrust kick but its dodged and then Dirge strikes back with a gut wrench suplex.

Peterson: 1…

2...

…

Vinegar: Osiris kicks out a simultaneously goes for a cross arm breaker, Dirge though has avoided the move from being locked in but that’s simply lead to Osiris raining down fist after fist until referee Owen Peterson…

Hanson: Niglet Owen Peterson!

Vinegar: Either way Owen is letting Osiris know that he can’t allow that many right hands. Dirge has used this time to get back to his feet and sneaks up behind Osiris with a back suplex…wait he dropped him into a sit-down powerbomb.

Hanson: So it’s a Blue Thunder Bomb then!

Vinegar: Why won’t you just go to sleep! Dirge pulling Osiris back to his feet and fires off with a stiff right hand and then Irish whips him into the turnbuckle. Osiris avoids the charging Dirge though and attempts a Death Valley Driver, but Dirge escapes and attempts his own Death Valley Driver, but Osiris as well escapes and then flapjacks Dirge into the turnbuckle. Osiris now setting him up on the turnbuckle could be a Superplex here, but Dirge fighting out of it and now lifting him onto his shoulders. MY GOD it looks to be a Death Valley Driver from the top rope, Dirge comes flying off the top but Osiris escapes mid air and plants him with a sit out reverse DDT. Both men are down in the middle of the ring.

Peterson: 1…

2…

3…

4…

Vinegar: Osiris getting to his feet.

5…

Vinegar: And here’s Dirge as well, taken immediately down with a snapmare and then a quick leg drop here’s the pin.

Peterson: 1…

…

Vinegar: Dirge kicking out after a count of 1. Osiris now going for that crucifix powerbomb, he’s got Dirge up but he manages to break his grip and hits a German suplex. Dirge now with a leg drop of his own and now picking him up and there’s the No Remorse! Driving that knee into the back of his skull! Dirge not done though and he lifts Osiris up to his feet and now going for a powerbomb, lifts him up but Osiris has grabbed his head and shifts his weight bringing Dirge down into a DDT.

Peterson: 1…

2…

…

Vinegar: Dirge just kicking out there and Osiris now signaling for the Deadbolt, Dirge is up and out of nowhere gores his opponent to the ground. Now he’s pulled him up into that inverted face lock position it could be all over here with a Death In Vegas. Osiris though stomps on his foot and now hoists him up hitting a brutal inverted Death Valley Driver. Dirge crashed into the mat face first. Osiris not going for the cover instead going for the Misery Index, its blocked though as Dirge slams his elbow into the chest of his opponent and now he’s hoisted him up…MOMENTUM KILLER!!

Peterson: 1…

2…

3!

Vinegar: This ones all over, Osiris looked to have it won there right at the end but it was not to be.

Dennis: Here is your winner: DIRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGEEEEEE!!

Vinegar: Dirge staring out at the audience with that smug grin before finally making his way to the back.

Hanson: God Nick you calling that match by yourself was terrible, I can’t do that to the hot Brazilian women again even if there is a lack of anything worth talking about for the next several matches I’m putting my sleep strike on strike!

Vinegar: What a shame, I was quite getting used to you not talking Dan!

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Vinegar: Now it’s time for the second of our tag team title preview matches. We’ve just seen their partners…

Hanson: No homo.

Vinegar: …battle it out and now it’s the turn of Serapis and Raenius.

Hanson: Well actually, maybe homo. I don’t know. Osiris does sometimes remind me off an overly made up drag queen.

Vinegar: So weird mental digressions aside, let’s send it to Dennis for the introductions.

Dennis: The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first…

Nile starts to play and the excitable Brazilian crowd enthusiastically welcome the young Serapis to the stage. He pauses to perform his trademark taunt.

Dennis: From Taipei, China! Weighing in at 235lbs. Serapiiiiiis!!

Hanson: Haha, piss.

Serapis suddenly storms down to the ring and throws himself under the bottom rope. He gets up in the middle of the ring and poses again for the crowd as his music fades out. It is soon replaced by Redneck. Purple light floods the arena and Raenius walks out to an equally enthusiastic chorus of boos.

Dennis: And the opponent! From Northern Ireland, weighing in at 252lbs! Representing the Covenant, he is one half of the GIW Tag Team Champioooooooons! The Resident Evil, Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaenius!!!

Raenius gets down to the ring and jumps onto his knees on the apron, pulls himself up and climbs through, briefly holding his tag title belt over his head as he glares around the crowd. The lighting returns to normal as he lowers it and his music too fades away.

Hanson: Am I usually a Raenius fan?

Vinegar: I’ve long since given up trying to keep track of who you like around here.

Hanson: Geez I can’t remember.

Vinegar: Most people would probably see him as the bad guy in this.

Hanson: Sounds good to me. Go Raenius! Whoo!
Ding! Ding!

Vinegar: This ones underway. These two of course part of the tag team title match taking place next week at GIW Break For the Border! The big Pay Per View conclusion to this spectacular tour.

Hanson: Spectacular is probably a bit strong Nick. This, passable, tour is probably more accurate.

Vinegar: You just don’t get the concept of business, Pay Per View sales, anything like that, do you?

Hanson: Not so much.

Vinegar: Well while I was distracted this match got underway. Serapis tried to lock things up and took a hard knee to the face for his trouble. It rocked him and Raenius has taken the early control here. A hip shot doubles him over and clubbing blow to the back knocks him down.

Hanson: Quite frankly, looking at the big picture, do Serapis and Osiris really deserve this title shot?

Vinegar: Raenius drags Serapis back to his feet by the hair and lands some heavy body shots forcing him back to the ropes. Irish whip and a back body drop on the rebound. Followed up with a knee drop. I think they’ve certainly earned it.

Hanson: How?

Vinegar: By beating Raenius and Dirge quite some time ago. Raenius getting Serapis back onto his feet once again. Serapis trying to get in some offense, rights and lefts to the gut of the Resident Evil. Quickly suppressed with more clubbing blows to the back and a snap overhead suplex.

Hanson: A fluke victory can’t really be considered grounds for a title shot can it?

Vinegar: We’re yet to see if it was a fluke. Raenius pulling Serapis into the corner. A couple of forearm shots and an whip to the opposite corner. Big running clothesline almost decapitates Serapis and he slumps down to the bottom rope. Boot across the throat and Raenius tries to choke the life out of him.

Hanson: Well of course we have. Last week they lost to a weaker, untried Covenant pairing.

Vinegar: Hazel East forced to make the count and break them up at four. Raenius has been in full control from the get go here. That may be true Dan, but how do we know that Chassie and Dirge’s victory wasn’t the fluke?

Hanson: Bah, impossible.

Vinegar: Good counter. Raenius goes to continue his onslaught, no, Serapis grabs him by the collar and pulls his head down into the turnbuckle. Desperation counter but it may be enough. Serapis getting to his feet as Raenius recovers. Dropkick knocks him back into the corner.

Hanson: No Nick just face it. Osiris and Serapis are getting a title shot for one single reason.

Vinegar: Rapid fire chops in the corner from Serapis. He’s looking pumped now. Whip across the ring, running moonsault kick in the corner! Raenius crumples to the ground. Magistral Cradle by Serapis.

1!

2!

Vinegar: No a kick out by Raenius and he’s getting back up. Serapis is staying on him though, hurricanrana takedown and he’s quickly up onto the top rope. Raenius rolls through and it quickly up again. Flying clothesline from the top rope puts him back down.

Hanson: I said they were getting a title shot for one reason Nick.

Vinegar: Yeah I was waiting for you to tell me what it is. Serapis dragging Raenius to the centre of the ring. He’s got him by the legs. Figure four leg lock, will he get it? Yes it’s locked in.

Hanson: You were supposed to ask. What reason is that Dan?

Vinegar: Oh I’m sorry. Serapis has got that locked in tight and Raenius is thrashing in pain. He’s dead centre of the ring. I’m not sure if he’s going to find a way out of this.

Hanson: Well?

Vinegar: Fine. What reason is that Dan?

Hanson: Because they’re the only other tag team left.

Vinegar: Raenius trying to roll himself over but Serapis pushes himself up and puts more pressure onto the hold. Of course they’re not, what about Hiroshima?

Hanson: Have you seen Aragato since No Holds Barred? Because I haven’t. Why? The Covenant already destroyed them.

Vinegar: Raenius resorting to brute force. He’s just dragging himself and his opponent across the mat and, yes he’s got to the ropes. That was a close one. Serapis reluctantly breaks the hold though. Raenius may have escaped that one but it’s clearly taken it’s toll. Ok then, how about…umm…

Hanson: How about who Nick?

Vinegar: I’m thinking. Serapis not being shy about going for that knee now. Raenius just pulled himself up with the ropes and got taken down with a chop block. Serapis putting the foot onto the bottom rope. Springs off it and drops down on the side of the knee.

Hanson: Accept it. I’m right.

Vinegar: Ok, ok, this time, maybe. Just because I have other things to do. Serapis pulling Raenius back up. Superkick! No! Serapis managed to roll under it. Tiger Suplex drops Raenius hard on the back of his head. No cover though, Serapis going to the top rope. High risk manoeuvre in the works.

Hanson: The only reason they even show up on the Covenant’s radar is because Osiris seems obsessed with finding out crap about the least consistent member of the group.

Vinegar: Shooting Star Press! No, Raenius rolled away into the corner. Serapis lands on his feet though. Amazing mid-air adjustment!

Hanson: I mean you talk enough crap someone’s going to beat you down.

Vinegar: Full Frontal! Serapis turned straight into that vicious tackle and he’s down. Here’s the cover!

1!




2!





3!

Ding! Ding!

Dennis: Here is your winner, Raaaaaaaaaaaaaenius!!!

Hanson: What did I tell you?

Vinegar: Raenius may have picked up the win here but Serapis definatly gave him a close run for his money. I think next weeks match up is far from a forgone conclusion.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

We rejoin the festivities in Brazil, inside the makeshift office of GIW’s enforcer, the racially ignorant, Boss Penguin. GIW’s current wielder of power sits behind his desk, sat in a large container full of ice, his Tommy Gun lays beside him on the desk, and his cigar also sits idle in an ashtray, he leans forward and begins to speak to an unknown figure.

Boss P: SO NIGGA, I BET YO HAVE NO IDEA WHY YOU WERE SUMMONED HERE TODAY. IN FACT I BET YO LIL’ NIGLET BRAIN IS OVERLOADING WITH ALL ‘DA THINKIN’ YO BE DOIN’ SAT DERE. THINKING, ‘OH MY NIGGA ASS, IS DA BOSS GONNA FIRE MY BEHIND?’, ‘WHAT CAN I DO TO PLEASE DIS PENGUIN?’ AND OF COURSE ‘HOW DOES HE KEEP DAT BEAK SO SHINEY AND SMOOTH?’.

The view then changes and we see the man who Boss Penguin is speaking to, matted hair, overgrown beard, unkempt clothing, it’s none other than GIW’s resident hobo, Peter Damascus. His eyes look towards the Penguin blankly, and he then looks from side to side, looking around the room for hidden camera’s or some other kind of practical joke. He finally turns his eyes back in the direction of Boss P, and merely shrugs his shoulders in response.

Boss P: DA FUCK NIGGA? SHIAT, I KNOWSE YOU’SE IS A FERAL NIGGA, BUT ‘DERE AIN’T NO WAY YO AIN’T ABLE TO SPEAK. DERE IS NO WAY YO DON’T HAVE A QUESTION FOR DIS PENGUIN ABOUT WHY YO FERAL ASS IS UP IN DIS OFFICE.

Damascus: I’m sure you’ll tell me if it’s something important.

Boss P: DAMN RIGHT DIS SHIT’S IMPORTANT NIGGA! YO WITH DA BOSS, HOW MUCH MORE IMPORTANT CAN IT BE?

Damascus: From what I hear, you’ve not got long left.

Boss P: DON’T BE LISTENING TO DAT BIATCH, SHE DAYDREAMIN’ AWAY ON A DIFFERENT PLANET, YA HEAR? DIS HARDCORE, YARDIE BLASTIN’, HEADLINER HUMILIATIN’, SMOOTH BEAKED, SON OF A HEN IS GON’ BE ROUND’ DESE PARTS A LOT LONGER DAN HER ASS!

Damascus: Either way it doesn’t bother me, I’m here for my own reasons.

Boss P: SHIT SON, AIN’T EVERY NIGGA? BUT NOW WE MOVIN’ IN DA RIGHT DIRECTION. YA SEE ‘DIS BAD ASS BIRD WANT’S YO ASS IN TEAM BOSS P. YO NIGLET ASS MAY STINK LIKE SHIAT, BUT YO GOT SOME BRUTAL TENDANCIES IN DAT RING, AND DAT’S WHAT I NEED UP IN MA’ CRIB, YA HEAR?

Damascus: You want me?

Boss P: ‘DAT SURPRISE YO NIGGA? I GUESS IT’S A SHOCK FOR SOME FERAL NIGLET LIKE YOSELF TO FIND OUT YO ON SOME HOT SHOT PLAYA’S RADAR, TAKE A MINUTE BOY, LET DAT SHIT SINK IN. DAT’S THE FEELING OF MAKING IT.

Damascus: Shouldn’t Bianca be here? She generally handles all this kinda thing.

Boss P: DAMN NIGGA, ‘DIS WHOLE MESS IS CAUSE I LET SOME OVER AMBITIOUS NIGGERINA WID A TAN POKE ‘DERE NOSE IN DA BOSS’ BUSINESS, I AIN’T LETTIN’ NO BITCH UP IN DIS TEAM, UNLESS ‘DAY BE AN ASS KICKIN’ BITCH! BESIDES, DIS NEEDS TO BE YO DECSION, NOT DAT HIGH HEELED WEARIN’ NIGLET’S.

Damascus: I think I’m gonna say, thanks, but no thanks.

Boss P: DAMN BIATCH, YO JUMPIN’ DA GUN A BIT, DA BOSS AIN’T TOLD YA WHAT IT’S WORTH TO YO ASS YET.

Damascus: It’s unlikely you can give me what I am looking for.

Boss P: HOW DOES A POTENTIAL SHOT AT DA UNIFIED GLOBAL NIGGA SOUND? ‘DAT KIND OF MATCH COULD GIVE YO SMELLY ASS A PAYDAY BIG ENOUGH TO DELICE YO BODILY HAIR! DA BOSS JUST GOT WORD FROM DA BOARD DAT DA ELIMINATION TAG MATCH AT BREAK FO’ DA BORDER, IS ALSO A MATCH TO DECIDE THE NUMBER ONE CONTENDER FO DA BELT DAT DA LORD CHIEF WILL BE WEARIN’ AROUND HIS WAIST IN JUST OVER A WEEK!

Damascus: A potential shot? You want me to join you for a potentiality...

Boss P: AHHH, NIGGA LIKE PLAYIN’ HARDBALL! I CAN RESPEC’ ‘DAT, IN FACT I THOUGHT YO MIGHT SAY DAT. YO SEEM TO BE NEGLECTING TO LOOK AT DA OTHER POTENTIAL REWARDS. I KNOWS ABOUT YO FAMILY, DA FACT ‘DEY GOT KIDNAPPED, BUT DIS BOSS HAS HIS OWN NINJA NIGGA YA HEAR? DAT FLIPPY MODEL NIGGA COULD HELP YO TRACK DOWN DA NINJA’S WITH YOUR FAMILY.

Damascus: I doubt it.

Boss P: DA BOSS SEE’S DA PICTURE CLEARER NOW, YO FERAL NIGGA ASS IS ALL ABOUT DA BENJAMINS, RIGHT?

Damascus doesn’t respond merely continues to look, blankly, across the table at GIW’s Enforcer.

Boss P: I HEARS YA...MUNT!!!

The penguin hollers at the top of his voice, and after a few moments his Eastern European Bodybuilding champion comes through the door backwards...

Boss P: I THINK YO GONNA LIKE WHAT YO ABOUT TO SEE...

McZygmunt is clearly dragging something through the doors behind Damascus, who turns in his chair to get a better look, as Munt reveals he is dragging a shopping trolley, filled to the brim with, empty, tin cans. Damascus turns back towards the penguin.

Boss P: SO...YO IN?

The Penguin lights his cigar once more, and before we can hear Damascus’ response the camera fades out and returns to the arena.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Hanson: That damn penguin must be getting desperate, first GIW’s Rainbow Dragon, and now a bum. And the vagrant is even able to play hardball with the bird.

Vinegar: Damascus has proven to be pretty viscious ion the ring though, he could be exactly what Boss P needs in his team come Break the Border.

Hanson: He’ll take anything right now, by my count MJ has a full team, whilst the only guy in Team BP is the only man in sports entertainment capable of using his mic skills to send a chronic insomniac into a deep, long sleep. So a homeless street fighter with breath more pungent than McSkinny’s jockstrap would indeed be a good addition to his team.

Vinegar: We don’t know he is part of Team Penguin...

Hanson: Oh come one, did you see the amount of tin cans he was offered, there isn’t a feral vagrant on this planet that wouldn’t sell their kidney for that kind of bounty.

Vinegar: But more importantly what about the decision to make the Elimination tag Match at Break For the Border a Unified Global Championship Number 1 contender match?

Hanson: i don’t see how that can work, the board must be pretty dumb...

Vinegar: I imagine it’s pretty simple, the survivors of the winning team get a shot at the winner of Hastings vs Travis.

Hanson: Well that will be all three members of MJ’s team...

Vinegar: You think...

Hanson: yeah, which means...hang on...BoolZ, Moss and DJS could ALL take on Travis...

Vinegar: Or Hastings.

Hanson: Ok, seriously now, someone is doing this purely to spite me. Who the hell would want to seek mental harm on the Hanson-Train?

Vinegar: We could be here all night discussing those possibilities, which is why it’s a good thing we’ve got a GIW.com Title Match about to start, lets hand it over to Mitchell Dennis for the announcements...

Hanson: Why me...Why?

Dennis: Ladies and Gentlemen, the next match is a triple threat match and is scheduled for one fall....introducing first...

“Swagger Like Us”

Dennis: From Houston, Texas, MICHAEL CAAAAAAPPEEEEEEEELIIIIIII!!!

Vinegar: Another one of GIW’s young and hungry talent, he’s only been here a few weeks and is already getting a title opportunity.

Hanson: Yeah, but it’s not a real title is it? I mean they only invented this title so the others had something to chase while Travis Roberts dominated the Unified Global Championship scene.

Vinegar: I beg to differ, I think this title was introduced to highlight the fast rising stars of our industry, the future GIW Unified Global Champions. And I have to say I think Moss has done a fine job of establishing the belt.

Hanson: Meh, I guess he has some brains, I mean siding against that Penguin is a start, but it doesn’t make up for the months of moronic behaviour.

“Cyanide Sweet Tooth Suicide”

Dennis: And introducing next, from well I still don’t think we know exactly where she’s from so I’m gonna say Alaska, CHAAAAAAAAAAASIE FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAR!

Vinegar: This woman knows a thing or two about the GIW.com title...

Hanson: Yeah like how to retain it for Moss, people forget so quickly that Chassie Fear is the reason Moss is still champion, if it wasn’t for her...Samaritan –esque behaviour he’d have lost that belt weeks and weeks ago.

Vinegar: Chassie had a chance to actually dethrone him at No Holds Barred in that brutal Killer Kaiju Cage match, but Moss emerged victorious and in the eyes of most the worthy and rightful GIW.com Champion. But she’s getting a second chance tonight.

“I Turn My Camera On”

Dennis: And Introducing finally, he is the GIW.COM CHAAAAAAAMPION, MOOOOOOOSS EEEEEEEEEEEEEDWARDS!

Vinegar: Moss getting a hell of an ovation from the Brazilian fans here tonight, who knew the Auteur was so popular south of the border.

Hanson: there are many remarks I could make now, but I feel that would be too predictable.

Vinegar: You sound unhappy....are you going to let me call this match by myself again.

Hanson: Hell no!

Vinegar: Oh.

Hanson: Damn man, I want a job to come back to next week, one match of just you was probably enough for most people to throw their wireless adapters out of their windows in rage, we gotta really fight to regain the trust of the rest of the audience.

Vinegar: To be honest Dan I stopped really listening to you months ago, I might as well be calling the action on my own, my responses are just instinct.

Hanson: Unfortunately for your ego ravaged mind the fans don’t see it that way, I hear we’re quite a popular double act.

Vinegar: Of course we are dear...anyway Moss is now in the ring, and this amtch is almost ready to get underway.

Hanson: I know you care about what I have to say really.

Vinegar: Whatever you say. Glenn Burke calls for the bell and this match is underway, Cappeli making the first move throwing a clothesline towards Moss Edwards, The Auteur ducks under grabs Capelli’s head and brings him to the canvas with a neckbreaker...

Hanson: Chassie is ready to pounce...

Vinegar: But the Auteur’s experience in the ring warns him, and he rolls out of the way of her approaching hands, and he springs to his feet, turns, and hits a standing dropkick onto the Dark Rose, and he’s backl on his feet again, turns and floors the rising Capelli with a hip toss.

Hanson: This is just a deceptive opening burst of adrenaline, there is no way he’s gonna be able to keep this up.

Vinegar: I’m quite comfortable thank you....Moss pulling Chassie to her feet...THE FLOP!...turns to the yet again rising Cappeli...CUTTING ROOM!..this one is over as soon as it beg...

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Boss P appears on stage, gun firing to the roof, and his free flipper sarcastically slapping against the gun, in a mock slow clap.

Hanson: Just what we needed!

Boss P: VERY IMPRESSIVE BALDING NIGLET...BUT YO TURNED DA BOSS DOWN, AND DAT AIN’T SOEMTHING THIS MOTHERFUNKER APPRECIATES. YO ASS PUT ME IN A DIFFCULT POSITION, FO SHIZZLE! SO IT’S ONLY FAIR I PUT YOUR ASS IN ONE...

Hanson: you better listen to him, Kiseragi is on his side remember, he’s a pro when it comes to difficult positions and men’s backsides...

Vinegar: Moss just laughs and waves off the Penguin, and falls to his knee’s to make the cover on Cappeli...

Boss P: YO MIGHT NOT WANNA DO ‘DAT NIGGA, TAKE A LOOK...

Boss P motions to the GlobaTron Screen, and instantly the face of Miss Harding appears on the screen, her mouth gagged and her mascara running.

Hanson: Looks like BoolZ is prepping her for a Chilli Dog...

Boss P: DAT’S RIGHT BIATCH, WHAT MEANS MORE TO YO ASS, YO CHAMPIONSHIP, OR YO FAMILY...IT’S UP TO YO NIGGA!

Vinegar: Boss P turns and waddles off stage, and Moss is frozen looking at the screen, he looks down at Cappeli, shjakes his head and rolls out of the ring and runs up the ramp after the GIW Enforcer....whilst in the ring Chassie has got to her feet, and she see’s the downed Cappeli and takes advantage making the cover...

Hanson: He’s been down for a while...

1...

2...

Vinegar: No! The Nightmare gets his shoulder up, and Chassie is unable to pickpocket her way to the GIW.com Title...which looks like it’s going to go to a new owner tonight.

Hanson: This leaves me in a dilemma; do I applaud Boss P for making Moss lose his title? Or do I hope Moss avenges the feathered freaks misdeed?...hang on, there’s no reason I can’t do both.

Vinegar: That’s nice for you...Chassie now pulling Cappeli to his feet and whipping him into the turnbuckle and following him in...

Hanson: But Cappeli moves at the last minute...

Vinegar: Chassie crashes into the turnbuckle and she’s dazed...RECURRING NIGHTMARE! And the cover...

1...

2...

Hanson: NO! Too close to the ropes, Chassie gets a foot up...

Vinegar: Cappeli has the momentum now though, and he picks Chassie to her feet...kick to the gut...hoists her up for a powerbomb...NO! She slides down his back...both turn, Chassie quickets to react, kick to the stomach....TWILIGHT!...

1...

2...

3!!!!

Dennis: Here is your winner, and NEW GIW.COM CHAMPION, CHAAAAAAASIE FEEEEEEAR!

Vinegar: Chassie Fear has done it, under the most controversial of fashions, she has capitalised upon the growing rift in GIW to become the second ever GIW.com Champion...

Hanson: Hayleigh would be so proud...

Vinegar: And an utterly dominant night for the Covenant...maybe people should be more worried about them than their current foes. Chassie making her way to the back, and she turns underneath the GlobaTron to hoist the title in the air once more, before turning and walking through the curtain.

And the scene follows Chassie as she emerges intot he bright lights of the backstage area, and she is immediately greeted by the cigar smoking, tommy gun toting, Boss Penguin.

Boss P: SO...YO IN?

Chassie looks at the GIW.com Title, then down to boss P, and with an air of slight reluctance nods her head.

Hanson: Looks like Boss Penguin was worrying about the Covenant, Nick.

Vinegar: It sure does, Dan.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Vinegar: Thanks for clicking back onto us, it’s time for a little preview of what’s in store for Mexico City.

Hanson: God, I hope not, or else I may have to use one of my vacation days.

Vinegar: I thought you were going to start cheering for Alex Kiseragi?

Hanson: I do appreciate him cheating to humiliate Foolzian, but then again, he’s aligned with that frickin’ penguin now, so I’m on the fence.

Vinegar: You could have made a gay joke there, way to show restraint.

Hanson: No need to shoot my load so early, I’m going to pick my spot.

Mitchell: The following match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from either the Land of Kangaroos or the Land of Orcs, this is DIAMOND JAAAACK SEVERIIIINO!

“Diamond in the Rough.” Jack on the entrance ramp. An increasingly noticeable amount of jeers from Gabrielle supporters.

Vinegar: Jack has put his strength behind Mary Jo’s group, spurned by a desire to make Boss P suffer for what happened to Gabrielle.

Hanson: If he were smarter, he would worry more about putting something else behind somebody else, if you catch my drift.

Vinegar: I probably do.

Hanson: I’m saying that Gabrielle has gone on record as being not-against anal intercourse.

Vinegar: Oh is that what you meant? Idiot.

Hanson: You really don’t handle world tours well, do you?

Mitchell: And his opponent, from the Land of Rainbows and Rice A Roni, ALEX THE DRAGOOOON KISERAAAGIII!

“Teahouse.” Alex steps out onto the entryway, looking much fresher than previous weeks, but still wearing the face protector.

Vinegar: The Dragon has apparently adopted the old adage about enemies of enemies becoming friends, and accepted the offer to join up with Boss P and get some revenge against Travis Roberts and Randy Boolzian.

Hanson: At least this time he’s getting revenge for something real.

Vinegar: Yes, much ink was spilled about Kiseragi’s vendetta for the honor of Katie Piper, I would think he’s looking forward to putting that in the past.

Hanson: These two guys should really be best friends by now, they can bond over their mistreatment of women.

Vinegar: Keep this up and people will think you’ve become a feminist.

Hanson: Well, I have always been in favor of women being on top.

Vinegar: There’s the bell, collar and elbow tie up, Jack taking advantage pulling Kiseragi into an armbar.

Hanson: Yep, I’m bored already.

Vinegar: The Dragon reversing into his own armbar.

Hanson: Heh, watch this Nick. I squeesh his head!

Vinegar: Jack reversing back into his own armbar. And pulls Alex through for a short arm clothesline.

Hanson: You know, I don’t think there’s anybody in the MJ vs Penguin match that I give a shit about. Travis Roberts and Lord Hastings are in the main event, Gabrielle’s healing back home.

Vinegar: Jack with some hard stomps, but misses the elbow drop.

Hanson: See, this is boring, you’re not even using exclamation points.

Vinegar: I’m sure you’re aware that matches have pacing.

Hanson: Yes. And this one’s pace is turtle fucking a rock.

Vinegar: I don’t even know what that means.

Hanson: Me neither, I just thought it was catchy.

Vinegar: The Dragon now unloading onto Jack’s legs and midsection with a flurry of kicks, but Jack ducks to avoid the roundhouse finish. Severino with an overhead belly to belly! Both men up, Jack quick to nail that lariat, knocking Kiseragi back down.

Hanson: How about that last match, with the kidnapping and stuff? That was wacky.

Vinegar: Did you just reference something else that happened tonight? You were…paying attention?

Hanson: No, I just have the match running here on the laptop, I like to hear the funny things I say. I am just so wacky sometimes.

Vinegar: That’s not the word I usually use. Kiseragi ducks a second clothesline, dropkick. Jack pushing up to his knees, Kiseragi catches him with a low leg lariat!

Hanson: I mean, you just never know what I’m going to do next, I’m incorrigible.

Vinegar: Pin attempt, only a one count. Kiseragi off the ropes, springboard body press, Severino catches him with a powerslam!

Hanson: I’ll bet people tune in just to hear me. Your job is superfluous, anyone with eyes can see what moves these guys are doing. But I’m irreplaceable. To the left, to the left.

Vinegar: The Diamond in the Rough taking Kiseragi to the corner, slams his head against the buckle, twice, and a third time.

Hanson: That would be more effective if he ripped that Lone Ranger mask off.

Vinegar: Irish whip into the opposite corner, Severino with a full head of steam, Kiseragi gets the feet up!

Hanson: Boot to the head! Been a few weeks since I said that.

Vinegar: The Dragon popping up onto the second turnbuckle, launching off for the flying headscissors.

Hanson: Hey remember that time I made a joke about your mom? Man, that was a classic episode.

Vinegar: Kiseragi with an armdrag, right into the armbar.

Hanson: And who could forget my love affair with Gabrielle Montgomery? We were America’s Sweethearts!

Vinegar: The Dragon uses that armbar to hold Severino in range for a knee to the face, and a kick to the midsection.

Hanson: And the night I coined the phrase TRAICLOSUD. Historic.

Vinegar: Alex Kiseragi releases the armbar after a second kick to the gut, he’s going for the Dragon Tail!

Hanson: He usually goes for man tail. There, see, I hit those jokes with a sniper rifle.

Vinegar: Jack twists and catches The Dragon as he flips! Powerbomb! Superb scouting from Severino.

Hanson: Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. See, I can do it too. Oh, maybe one match I’ll do all tongue twisters, that would be so Hanson.

Vinegar: Jack now picking up Alex, hand around the throat, he’s going for the Rise of Brutality! Dragon quick with a vicious kick to the back of the knee, making Severino break his grasp, Step Up Enziguri! Jack spun around by that kick, Bulldog!

Hanson: And I’m multifaceted, you don’t know which Hanson you’re going to get. I keep people on their toes, as opposed to Mr BBQ over here.

Vinegar: The Dragon climbing the turnbuckle, high impact move coming up.

Hanson: The thought of Alex on top of him has Jack’s penis coming up. See, I hit both them, you weren’t expecting a twofer.

Vinegar: Jack quick to his feet, he catches Alex on top of the turnbuckle, CALCULATED SHOT! Both men are down.

Hanson: I hate when you don’t even react to me. Some matches you’re friendly to me, but right now it’s like I don’t even exist.

Vinegar: Jack makes the pin, 1 2…kick out! I thought he had him after that.

Hanson: And you can see on Jack’s face that he did too.

Vinegar: Indeed, Daniel, he’s in shock.

Hanson: Ha! Got you to answer me!

Vinegar: And I got you to talk about the match.

Hanson: DAMMIT!

Vinegar: Jack whipping The Dragon into the ropes, Kiseragi ducks the clothesline, rebounding off the other side, YARI KICK! The Dragon proving again how suddenly that move can turn the tide of the match!

Hanson: You know that Boss P is banking on that fact next week. I mean, who else is even on his team?

Vinegar: I’m sure it will be written on the card when it’s finalized, don’t worry about it. Meanwhile, The Dragon is making the cover.

1!

2!


Kick out!

Vinegar: I can’t believe it! Both men struggling back to their feet, they know that this match may influence the momentum of that team warfare.

Hanson: So who’s fighting for the penguin team again?

Vinegar: Alex Kiseragi.

Hanson: Home run Jack! Home run Jack!

Vinegar: Severino with a boot to the midsection, and he lifts The Dragon up for a brainbuster.

Hanson: Yes! My will be done!

Vinegar: Kiseragi floats over, Rolling Clutch!

Hanson: NO! That’s not my will!

1 2 3!

Mitchell: Here is your winner, Alex “The Dragon” Kiseragi!

Vinegar: If this truly was a taste of what we can expect next week, Mary Jo may be starting to worry a bit.

Hanson: See, you made me pay attention to the match, and it was depressing. I demand you cheer me up.

Vinegar: Up next, the Global Unified Champion in action!

Hanson: Weeeeee!

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Hanson: FINALLY! A chance to see the best that Global has to offer, our Blessed Headliner, in action, live in Brazil!

Vinegar: This is Boss P’s last chance to mess with the Unified Champion before we head to Mexico, and he’s saved the BIGGEST surprise for last.

‘Bummer’ plays over the arena, huge pop for the arrival of Travis Roberts to the entrance stage.

Mitchell: Ladies and gentlemen, the following is a no disqualifications match scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, he is the GIW UNIFIED CHAMPIOOOOOOON, The Headliner, TRAVIS! ROOOOBEEEERTS!

Hanson: Have I mentioned lately that I’m still torn about this upcoming title match?

Vinegar: Oh, not for the last 20 or 30 seconds.

Travis seems oblivious to the cheers of the crowd as he pulls himself into the ring with a grimace.

Vinegar: This has the possibility of being a very bad night for the champ, who is already suffering from a month’s worth of injuries. And next week he meets the Lord of Pain at Break for the Border.

Hanson: Don’t remind me!

Polish rap music confuses the crowd, and the comically large frame of McZygmunt Cubed appears on the ramp.

Mitchell: And his opponent, making his in ring debut, McZYGMUUUUUUNT to the POWER OF THREE!

Hanson: That is a mountain of a man.

Vinegar: What, you’re gonna get a crush on him too?

Hanson: I don’t have a crush on Travis Roberts. I appreciate his abilities.

Vinegar: You have his poster in your bedroom.

Hanson: For inspiration. I’m not lonely.

Vinegar: McZygmunt of course is hired muscle of the Boss Penguin.

Hanson: A big brainless piece of crap working for a small flightless piece of crap. Mark my words, Travis Roberts will mop the floor with him!

Vinegar: It may be the biggest obstacle the Unified Champion has faced yet.

Hanson: Did you…did you mark them?

Vinegar:…sure I did, Daniel. Sure I did. There’s the bell! Travis Roberts seemingly unsure how to start this match off.

Hanson: Because he is a cagey veteran, and this big turd has no idea how to lock up.

Vinegar: Roberts erupting with a series of forearm shots to the face!

Hanson: Heart of a lion!

Vinegar: Cubed responds with a forearm of his own and Travis Roberts rolls to the side and slides out to the floor.

Hanson: Wings of a bat!

Vinegar: Now Roberts up on the apron, telling the referee to keep McZygmunt away from the ropes.

Hanson: If the big beefy was more experienced, he would realize this is no DQ. But The Most Influential Man in the History of Planet Earth is using his n00bdom to his advantage.

Vinegar: 2 questions. History of Planet Earth, and did you just speak in numerals?

Hanson: Me and The Blessed One are both 1337, baby.

Vinegar: Roberts back into the ring, using his obvious speed and agility advantage to avoid the blows of McZygmunt. A dropkick, it has no visible effect on the man. And Cubed responds with a hard shove!

Hanson: And the Headliner with a genius move.

Vinegar: Rolling back out to the floor?

Hanson: Yes, this is the luring phase. I think we’ve called enough Travis Roberts matches to recognize this.

Vinegar: Honestly, I just try to drink away any memories I have of you from week to week. The little missus is starting to think I have a problem.

Hanson: Dude, I’ve seen your wife. You can drop the little.

Vinegar:…are you just trying to get me to kill you now?

Hanson: Shit, what’s that feathered freak doing out here?

Boss P: HEY HIPPIE DICK NIGGA! THESE PEOPLE AIN’T PAYIN THEIR HARD EARNED FUCKIN PESOS TO WATCH YOU PLAY ON THE FLOOR! SO WE’S ENACTING SHOOT RULES! THOSE FEET TOUCH THE GROUND AGAIN, AND YO ASS LOSES! AND LET’S MAKE THINGS MORE INTERESTING, RAISE THE FUCKIN STAKES! LORD NIGGADON ALREADY GETS HIS CHOICE OF MATCH NEXT WEEK, BUT LET’S GET FUCKIN CRAZY. IF YO BITCH ASS LOSES, DA BIG BOSS GETS TO MAKE YO TRAVEL ARRANGEMENTS FOR NEXT WEEK!

Vinegar: That seems like a strange stipulation.

Hanson: Think of the psychological advantage the Penguin would have though. Putting Roberts on the red eye flight, sticking him in a seedy shithole. He would be tired, he would be frazzled, he would be out of his mental element, it’d be a huge detriment when one has to square against the most Niggariffic Lordship of Pain.

Vinegar: Wow, you actually thought about this huh? McZygmunt actually managing to take advantage of the Boss’s distraction! He grabs Roberts and tosses him into the ring, follows up with a huge clothesline!

Hanson: Okay, so THIS isn’t the luring phase yet, I was mistaken before. But the luring phase IS coming. Mark my words.

Vinegar: The Blessed One with a flying forearm shot, Cubed just catches him in mid air. Body slam with authority! Now picking Roberts off the mat, hard Irish whip into the corner, followed by an avalanche! That’s over 400 pounds of pure muscle slamming into you like a train!

Hanson: Followed by another body slam, brother.

Vinegar: Picking Roberts up, though he’s more like a rag doll than a person after that splash in the corner. Another whip! And the splash!

Hanson: HOOOOO Train! Is this all that tiny brain can handle?

Vinegar: It’s limited but no doubting it’s effectiveness. Another hard whip!

Hanson: And big surprise, here comes the splash.

Vinegar: Now Cubed has the champion’s limp frame up on his shoulders.

Hanson: And look at that damn penguin cackling on the ramp.

Vinegar: McZygmunt seems to have the Oklahoma Stampede in mind, shades of the legendary Steve Williams.

Hanson: Notice how we often substitute the word Legendary when we really just mean Old?

Vinegar: The Polish Bodybuilder charging towards the corner now, Roberts pushes off and lands on his feet! And Cubed’s head smashes into…steel!

Hanson: Travis Roberts managed to untie the turnbuckle cover even while being splashed repeatedly. Now THAT is legendary!

Vinegar: The big man is dazed! And now Travis Roberts using that lanky frame to reach under the bottom rope and rummage under the tarp, he’s looking for a weapon to even the odds, great reach and flexibility on display by the champion.

Hanson: NOW who sounds like they have a crush?

Vinegar: Boss P has waddled down the ramp, he’s trying to pull Roberts down to the floor to force a loss! Roberts trying to push him away, but the penguin is repeatedly bashing him in the back of the head with that tommy gun! Wait! Now who’s coming to the ring?

Hanson: I’d know those legs anywhere, Miss Harding!

Vinegar: Boss P had her kidnapped earlier tonight to screw Moss Edwards out of the GIW.Com belt, looks like he forgot to lock the door!

Hanson: Haha! She kicked that freak right in the egg warmer! And now handing the Headliner a baseball bat, wow you gotta love when we manage a little bit of continuity over the course of a show.

Vinegar: Indeed, though I doubt Boss P is a fan of it right now. Or Cubed, as that baseball bat is brought down repeatedly onto his head, forcing the giant to his knees!

Hanson: Now rearing back for…HOME RUN!

Vinegar: He could have taken that man’s head off, which is impressive since he doesn’t seem to have a neck.

Hanson: There’s the cover! 1 2 3!

Mitchell: Here is your winner, TRAVIIIIIIIIS ROOOOBEEEERTS!

Hanson: The Blessed One managed to keep the penguin from screwing him over again.

Vinegar: Yes, it seems that Boss P’s plans are all backfiring tonight, but what might he still have in store for next week?

Hanson: WHAT THE FUCK!

Vinegar: REFEREE OWEN PETERSON JUST PICKED UP THE BAT AND CRACKED TRAVIS ROBERTS ON THE BACK OF THE HEAD WITH IT!

Hanson: Boss P laughing on the ramp, like a guy who DIDN’T just get kicked in the feathery jangles!

Vinegar: Peterson of course a close associate of The Lord of Pain, but I would never expect him to actually attack someone for Hastings.

Hanson: The power of the Chief Lord is truly wondrous and frightening. Hey, who let the hobo in here?

Vinegar: Peter Damascus is charging into the ring! Peterson is quick to exit, what does this mean?

Hanson: It means that hobo knows who can give him the best tin cans around here, and it ain't dat flippery bastard!

Vinegar: Damascus picks up the baseball bat that Peterson left behind and points it up the ramp at Boss P. Roberts is still on the mat, recovering from that shot.

Hanson: Yeah, you better watch yo ass, Nigga! That hobo don’t want none of yo shit! OH THAT’S JUST NOT RIGHT! That dirty hobo just went all Tiger Woods on The Blessed One!

Vinegar: Damascus using that bat to assault the Unified Champion’s nether regions and Boss P nods in approval. Looks like Team Penguin gained another member.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Vinegar: We’re just moments away from our main event.

Hanson: Dirty...filthy...rotten...hobo. If I could get in that ring myself, I gotta tell ya, I’d kick his stinking, hairy ass back to whatever shanty town he was banished from.

Vinegar: You’ve got to let go and move on, sure we may not be seeing an Headliner-Jnr’s for a while, but it was hardly a life threatening injury.

Hanson: It’s about pride, it’s about integrity...but I wouldn’t expect you to understand your fat ass has never set foot in a ring, yet your quite happy to cast your judgement on ‘The Headliner’...

Vinegar: Hey I’m not saying it wasn’t a vicious attack, or a warranted one, just the GIW Unified Global Champion has been through far worse in the last few weeks.

Hanson: ‘The Blessed One’ may have faced C4 Explosives, barbed wire, hot coals...but nothing as humiliating as being bashed in the janglies by some overgrown street urchin whose debut match was against Sean bloody Jensen!

Vinegar: You really have a distaste for Peter Damascus don’t you!

Hanson: Who?

Vinegar: The hobo.

Hanson: He has a name? Who cares, from this point forth he shall be known as Crazy Joey, the Guy Who Eats From Trash Cans.

Dennis: The Next match is scheduled for One fall...

“Wonder What’s Next?”

Dennis: Introducing first, from Oceanside, California.....RAAAAAAAAAAAAAANDY BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLZIAN!

Hanson: And my eternal suffering continues, BoolZ is against the damned Penguin, but Hastings is for him. I really don’t know what I’m gonna do, I imagine this makes it quite hard for whomever writes these things to think of material...

Vinegar: I’m sure they’ll find a way of inserting some Alex Kiseragi is gay jokes to make things run smoothly.

Hanson: He is partial to a bit of ‘How’s your father’ with members of the same sex you know?

Vinegar: So i’ve heard, but right now all I’m hearing are the crowd erupt for Randy Boolzian, they weren’t sure about his alignment a few weeks ago, but it seems after Boss P’s actions tonight, the fans have realised Randy Boolzian made the right decision...at least in their eyes.

Hanson: There is a first time for everything, BoolZ making the right decision, AND these moronic fans rallying for the right side...in many way’s it’s enough to make an atheist believe in miracles...

Vinegar: Or maybe just mathematics? Anyway Randy is in the ring, awaiting the arrival of the Lord Chief...

Dennis: And introducing....

“NIGGA HOL’ DAT!”

Hanson: This is beginning to become tiresome, does he think eh runs the show or something?

Vinegar: BoolZ doesn’t look in the least bit surprised as he rolls his eyes at another appearance from Boss Penguin...

Boss P: YO, SPECCY NIGGA, DA BOSS WILL TAKE IT FROM HERE...

Vinegar: isn’t announcing a bit below Boss P, no offence Mitchell...

Mitchell: None...

Hanson: how the hell can he hear you? He’s in the ring?

Vinegar: the wonderful world of the internet!

Boss P: AND INTRODUCING HIS OPPONENTS[/i]

Hanson: What?

Vinegar: Plural?

Boss P: DAT’S RIGHT JUNKIE NIGGA, YO GOT MORE DAN ONE OPPONNENT TONIGHT, YO EVER WONDER WHY ‘DAY SAY CARD DUBJECT TO CHANGE ON DA POSTERS? IT’S SO PLAYA’S LIKE MYSELF CAN PULL SHIAT LIKE DIS...HIS OPPONENTS, WEIGHING IN AT A COMBINED TOTAL OF WHO GIVES A NIGGA BISCUIT...KICKY, FLIPPY NINJA NIGGA AND DA NEXT UNIFIED GLOBAL NIGGA!!!

Vinegar: Hastings and Kiseragi! A-kis may already had one match tonight, but it’s still two against one...

Boss P: BLING, LOCK IT OFF!

Hanson: When did we get so much security.

Vinegar: It looks like they outsourced today, Dan. Blings security forces line up blocking the stage entrance and every door into the arena, they are locking BoolZ off from Mary-Joanna’s troops.

Hanson: BoolZ just chuckling to himself, and he opens his arms out as both A-Kis and Hastings charge the ring...

Vinegar: I got a feeling this one isn’t going to have much in the way of regulation...Hastings and A-Kis slide in the ring, and BoolZ goes straight after ‘The Dragon’ laying boot after boot into him, before Teh lord Chief gets to his feet and grabs him by the shoulder, only for RBI to swing an elbow into the Lords face, spin round and hit the Lord Chief with a spinebuster...

Hanson: Kiseragi getting to his feet now, but BoolZ turning quickly once more, and catches ‘The Dragon’ in a sleeper, and then drops it down into a modified neckbreaker...rolls over onto his back to catch his breath...

Vinegar: Hastings to his feet now, and he stands over Randy....FLUIDITY! Randy takes the Lord Chief down...and goes for the cover...

1...

2...

Vinegar: no, the boot of A-Kis slamming down on the back of BoolZ’s skull breaks the hold, and A-Kis quickly drags the stunned BoolZ to his feet, whips him into the ropes, and follows him and on the return hits him with a high knee to the stomach, and BoolZ goes head over heels into the canvas...

Hanson: the Lord Chief back on his feet, and now both men start stomping on the downed BoolZ...

Vinegar: And there is some commotion on the ramp, Mary-Joanna, ‘Diamond’ Jack Severino and Moss Edwards are all trying to force their way ringside, but the security guards have linked arms and have formed a pretty much impenetrable wall, dividing Randy Boolzian from his allies...

Hanson: BoolZ being brought to his feet, only to be muscled down to his knee’s as Lord Hastings locks in a Full nelson, and tugs at BoolZ’s arms...

Vinegar: Glenn Burke asking BoolZ if he submits, but A-Kis drags Burke away...they want BoolZ to suffer...there is no way he’s getting out of this, Donovan Hastings is a master of submission holds...

Hanson: Wait! Hastings just broke the hold...

Vinegar: Alex Kiseragi against the ropes...

Hanson: SHIIIINIIIIING WIIIIIIIIZAAAAAAAAAAAARD!

Vinegar: Excited?

Hanson: No, I just think you’ll find that’s the proper pronunciation...

Vinegar: A great double team move has left Randy on the floor, and hastings makes a cocky cover...

1...

2...

Hanson: No! BoolZ kicks out...I’m not sure Kiseragi and Hastings really want it to end yet anyway...

Vinegar: it looks like MJ and her reinforcements have given up, they are exiting the stage area now...

Hanson: I don’t really blame them, what can they do, there are like 20 Security Guards blocking their path...

Vinegar: Kiseragi and Hastings drag BoolZ to his feet and whip him to the ropes...DOUBLE CLOTHESLI...

Hanson: NO! BoolZ ducks underneath, and comes to an abrupt halt....and before A-Kis or hastings can turn, grabs both their necks....DOUBLE NECKBREAKER!!!

Vinegar: Something’s happening backstage....

The view cuts, and the entire screen is taken up by the plump, red face of Tate Levene, he is wearing a pair of goggles and has a look of intense determination on his face, he nods as the camera pans out and we see him perched on his skateboard with ‘Diamond’ HJack Severino, Moss Edwards and Tarvis Roberts standing behind him....MJ is stood to the side, and she nods, and at once all three men start to push tate Levene down the hall, building up speed, before releasing him...aiming him directly at the entrance to the arena...

Vinegar: Oh dear god! TATE LEVENE SMASHES THROUGH THE BARRIER OF SECURITY GUARDS!

Hanson: At that speed the man is an unstoppable force...

Vinegar: and now MJ’s troops come pouring underneath the GobaTron and towards the ring...folks I think this is match is gonna turn into the long C word...

Hanson: Too late...Chassie Fear and Crazy Joey are hot on the tails of MJ’s guys, and MJ and Boss P are having another of their heated discussions on the entrance ramp...

Vinegar: The three men in the ring getting to their feet as Chassie Fear flies onto ‘Diamond’ Jacks back, preventing him from entering the ring, only for the newly crowned GIW.com Champion to be tossed into the Guard Rail...

Hanson: Hastings now going under the ring, looking for a weapon....and Moss see’s him doing so and follows suit on his side of the ring...

Vinegar: Damascus has already come prepared with a baseball bat, and he swings it at Travis Roberts who dodges out of the way and the shock of hitting the guard rail causes Damascus to almost lose grip on the bat, allowing ‘The Headliner’ to get behind him, as A-Kis and Randy Boolzian break into a blur of lefts and rights until both men end up spilling out of the ring, and landing onto the Unified Global Champion and the janglie crushing hobo....

Hanson: Chassie and Hastings quick to dive in and rescue their temporary team mates from the crush and they drag them to their side of the ring, where Hastings hands out various weapons, chairs, baseball bats...

Vinegar: And Moss and DJS drag T-Rob and BoolZ to their sside, and they in turn start to tool up...things are about to get messy...

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Vinegar: What the hell Boss P and MJ are standing side by side, and MJ is motioning to her boys to calm down...

Boss P: AIN’T YO A BUNCH OF SILLY NIGGA’S...DIS IS EXACTLY DA REASON WE GOT KICKED DA FUCK OUT OF ‘DA US. NOW ME AND DIS SLUTTY NIGGARETTE HAVE TALKED TINGS OUT, WE GONNA CALL A TRUCE ON DIS THING TILL NEXT WEEK IN MEXICO, DERE AIN’T NO SENSE IN LETTIN YO NIGGA’S KILL YOSELVES TONIGHT, OR WE AIN’T GOT A DAMN COMPANY TO FIGHT OVER NO MORE, YO BITCHES HERE DAT!

Vinegar: Well viewers, I think Boss P has called an abrupt end to proceedings here, but it’s an uneasy truce, as both sides look across the ring at one another, neither side willing to release their grip on their weapons...

Hanson: And I thought they were all just mercenaries...seems they are fighting for a cause after all...

Vinegar: And it’s only just started, Dan, it’s only just started. Thanks for joining us folks, don’t miss us next week, when we’ll get to see how this will all roll out!

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Credits

Osiris vs Dirge

DJS

Raenius vs Serapis
A-Kis

Boss P and Damascus
T-Rob (based on an Idea by P)

GIW.com Title Match
T-Rob

A-Kis vs DJS
Moss

T-Rob vs Munt
Moss

Main Event
T-Rob

Editor
T-Rob[/center]