Break For the Border Results

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Vinegar: Welcome to Mexico, Welcome to Global Impact Wrestling, Welcome to, Break For The Border. We’ve got a hell of a show for you tonight, and as they say it’s not quantity, it’s quality!

Hanson: What are you talking about? We have less quality than usual, The Headliner and the Lord Chief generally have spate matches, giving us twice the amount of awesomeness, but tonight they are going head to head one and one.

Vinegar: And in an Ultimate Submission Match, it’s not liek there is a shortage of their skill on display tonight. And we’ve also got the Covenant’s team of Raenius and Dirge facing Osiris and Serapis for the GIW Tag Team Championship.

Hanson: The makeup and costume department will have been working overtime for that one.

Vinegar: We’ve also got Michael Capelli taking on the Crimson Ghost for a shot at Chassie Fears GIW.com Title.

Hanson: I doubt either guy really wants to win, I mean I wouldn’t fight for a chance to get on the Covenants radar, unless the idea of damp cellars turned me on in some way....

Vinegar: Well you’ve got to be at least a little bit excited about the Elimination Tag Team match. Alex Kiseragi, Peter Damascus and Chassie Fear representing Boss Penguin, and Randy Boolzian, ‘Diamond’ Jack Severino and Moss Edwards representing Mary-Joanna, with the chance to get a shot at the GIW Unified Global Champion.

Hanson: Go on then, name me two things about that match that I can get excited about? Apart from Chassie Fear it almost a who’s who of people I couldn’t give a damn about one way or the other.

Vinegar: C’mon at least the uniqueness of the experiment should have you a little intrigued.

Hanson: You’d think wouldn’t you? But unfortunately that match is loaded down with such dead weights not even the most glorified gimmick could make me really give a damn about the result of that match, none of them will stand a chance against the Lord Chief or Travis Roberts, no matter which one of them it is, hell they could take on all six and it’d still be like watching Drive By on a Seven year olds Birthday Party.

Vinegar: So you’re just waiting for the main event then?

Hanson: Don’t be so surprised, that’s the motivation behind most of the buy rate Nick.

Vinegar: Well it’s just a shame you’re gonna have to sit through four other matches to get to it. However we do have somewhat of a dilemma for the start of the show, we only have so much allotted run time and we have to make a decision.

Hanson: Make the Main Event Three hours long and forget the rest of them?

Vinegar: No, we can either go ahead witht he original opening match between midday Oil and Hiroshima, or we can see some footage of Moss Edwards’ shooting footage for his monster picture.

Hanson: A match between two tag teams full of no-showers, or badly made B-Movie footage, I plump for the match if someone is gonna get maimed?

Vinegar: Apparently I’m getting word from the producers that they believe no-one really gives a damn about the Hiroshima match, and that we might as well switch to the pre-recorded footage, as it’s better than half the viewing public demanding refunds due to the escapades of four wrestling chimpanzee’s.

Hanson: Does that mean I can go backstage and attempt to make Gabby see the error of her ways.

Vinegar: If you want an injunction filed against you, by all means, do so.

Witht hat the footage switches to earlier in the day, beneath a bypass in Mexico City, we see GIW’s only filmmaker standing in the pounding Mexico sun looking over at three homeless men. Grace Harding, as ever stands by his side, beverage in hand, and a straw poking through her just open mouth, fulfilling the need of many a fan with an oral fixation. A camera crew stands impatiently just behind her shoulder.

“Slurp”

Moss: You see we really need to up the ante on production, Grace. I’ve been called in by a major studio as a consultant to a new wrestling movie, this could be our big break, if I’ve got some footage locked down, we could get a distribution deal. So we’ve got to get some reaction footage down, what kind of monster movie would it be if we didn’t see the reaction of the public.

Grace: Wasn’t the original footage meant to be in Japan, two of those hobo’s are clearly Mexican, and the other one, I think is, Pe....

Moss: Mexican...Japanese...it doesn’t matter we need the footage, besides these guys will work for cheap. Now excuse me a moment I have to give these guys some notes...

Moss turns from Grace Harding and the camera crew and approaches the three hobo’s, and then speaks to them, regardless of whether they speak English or not.

Moss: OK guys today’s shoot shouldn’t be too taxing, we’ve cast you guys as just what you are, homeless on lookers, but despite your proficiency in this particular role, I do feel I need to point a small thing out.

Moss: Please remember that there are only two acceptable responses on witnessing an extraordinary or supernatural event, such as the decimation of your city by a monster.

Moss: Number One; Observe the event, then observe bottle quizzically, Observe event. You may, if so desired discard the bottle after this, over the shoulder is the traditional route; or.

Moss: Number Two; Keep those jaundiced eyes fixed on the event and just let that bottle slip from your grasp, please note this does not work on grass as the bottle must be allowed to break, if necessary the sound guys can fix it in the edit.

Moss: Ensure that the jaw is kept slack and dumbstruck throughout. A pithy one-liner may be added, but this may only be related to one’s alchoholic condition, do not seek to flesh out your character’s background.

Witht hat Moss walks backwards, then turns abruptly, shouts action and starts to signal to the blank air above his head, for the hobo’s to look at. The two Mexican Hobo’s follow Moss’s advice to the tee, one looking from bottle to event, the other allowing his bottle to slip from hsi hands. The third Hobo however looks from one feral male to the other, before swiftly bringing his bottle down on one of their skulls, before turning around, grabbing a plank of wood and forcing straight up between the other’s legs, causing him to slide to the floor in a heap with the other downed Hobo.

At this point the remaining homeless man rummages through the pockets of his two downed compatriots, before stumbling and running off in the opposite direction. Moss’ jaw hangs to the ground as he beholds the events before him, and then remarks.

Moss: Once in a while you see improvisational genius, and that was one of those moments. Grace I must know who that man is, find me is agent!

Our camera’s leave Moss and follow in the footsteps of the fleeing Hobo, who now out of sight has slowed to a walking pace, and is heading for a well dressed woman, the one and only Bianca Rowe.

Bianca: So, have you had your fun?

Peter Damascus just keeps on walking, his eyes a void of nothingness and his face with no expression at all.

Bianca: Well if you quite finished, we have an important match to get you ready for.

Damascus: Don’t downplay the effects of my actions...I gained four bottle caps and a plastic fork from that, a very fruitful few minutes in my opinion.

And with that the scene fades back into the arena, just as we see them preparing for the GIW.com Number 1 contenders match, which is up next.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

The lights dim and the Globaltron flickers to the image of an unfamiliar face.

Vinegar: Who's that?

Hanson: I don't know and I don't care! Unless he's delivering pizza...

Vinegar: Through the Globaltron?

Hanson: Hey, anything can happen here in Global Impact Wrestling! This one time I ordered Chinese from China itself and Komosube delivered it to me personally, even though he's Korean.

Vinegar: He's Japanese!

Hanson: Really? Then tell me why he has the Thai flag on his face.

Vinegar: Oh Lord... Okay, quiet – he's going to talk.

Hanson: Oh and this other time, I or-

Vinegar: Sh!

The straight faced stranger looks directly into the camera.

Everknight: I know you're all here to watch wrestling, so I'll keep this brief.

Everknight clears his throat.

Everknight: I've wrestled in several different countries for several different promotions against several different opponents. I've wrestled giants in Japan, midgets in Mexico and Eskimos in England. (They were on holiday.) I've wrestled some of the world's biggest and brightest stars, from legends like Ric Flair and Kenta Kobashi to up-and-comers like C.M. Punk and Samoa Joe.

Everknight sighs, a slight frown emerging on his face.

Everknight: I've challenged for and won a myriad of different titles. My title history is as follows: WEW Champion, WEW World Champion, WEW World Heavyweight Champion, WFE Tag Team Champion, NAW World Hardcore Champion, RHO Glory Hole Heavyweight Champion, AAW World Unified Intergalactic Universal Champion, IWF, IWW, CCW, WCF, CWF, FCW, JFW, JKL, PQR and finally XYZ World Champion. Oh my God...

Everknight shakes his head.

Everknight: I've had an incredible career. I've accomplished things that most people can only dream of doing. I've achieved amazing things, unimaginable, unthinkable things! I've done things that'll never be done again, that'll never be replicated. I've set records and I've broken them, and then I've broken them again! I've been in the longest match and the shortest match, I've even been in the coldest match, (I had to wear a parker in that one.) Hell, I've been in the one and (so far) only, flaming ball of acid match! And I have a broken arm to prove it.

Everknight shows his cast covered arm.

Everknight: Oh, that's nothing; I've broken my neck before, I've broken every bone in my body at one point or another. I've received one million stitches, in my head and maybe a few more elsewhere. If Mick Foley's the Hardcore Legend, I've got to be the Hardcore God! Speaking of Mick Foley, I already have 9 autobiographies and 28 official biographies. Don't worry though, I'm only 25 so there's plenty more to come. That man's got nothing on me and neither has the Rock. I'm currently shooting my twentieth film. Not only am I a wrestler, I'm also an actor and a musician too! And I can dance. I really am a talented individual; it's no surprise that people look up to me and aspire to be me. I've heard many people say, 'I wish I could be like William Everknight, he's so good looking, he's so manly and strong. He's good at everything he does and he doesn't even try. He's naturally talented or you might say, gifted!'

Everknight stops as his frown grows stronger.

Everknight: I can'-

Voice off camera: You will.

Everknight: Despite all of my great achievements and accomplishments, despite my glorious career in professional wrestling, despite being well known, respected and admired for everything I've done in this industry – I feel empty. I feel like a nobody, a nameless, faceless nobody; because there's one thing I haven't done, one thing that if nothing else, would establish me as a legend in this business. I've never won the Global Impact Wrestling Unified Championship and that's something I've been dreaming of my entire life. Thankfully a man in black approached me, a man from the GIW office and he asked me if I wanted to join the GIW roster. Well, here's my answer.

William snaps.

Everknight: This is-

Voice off camera: Read it.

Everknight: Global Impact Wrestling is by far the best wrestling promotion in the world; home to skilled warriors like Alex Kiseragi, Donovan Hastings and of course the champion, the one and only Travis Roberts. As for the championship itself, the Global Impact Wrestling Unified Championship is easily the most prestigious title in pro wrestling history. Every defence has been a five star classic and every champion has been a gold worthy grappler.

A hint of anger can be heard in William's voice.

Everknight: There are only a handful of wrestlers on my level of greatness, and they're all here in GIW. Y'know what, screw it! Screw you, screw management and screw your damn script.

William holds up a piece of a paper and tears it in two, dropping the pieces on the floor, before taking a step back from the camera.

Voice off camera: Hey, come back here!

Everknight: Oh, I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to tell it straight. I'm going to tell everybody exactly who I am, what I've done, what I'm doing here and what I really think of Global Impact Wrestling.

Voice off camera: I don't think that's a-

Everknight: Oh, I do. I think it's a very good idea! I don't give a damn who hears this. In fact, I hope management hears this. I hope Boss P himself hears this because it's from the heart and it needs to be heard.

My name's William Everknight and I really am a nobody. I've made a name for myself on the indy scene but I've never wrestled for the WEW and I've never held their World title! I've never wrestled Flair and I've never wrestled in a flaming ball of acid match – there's no such thing. While I've had a good career and enjoyed every moment of it, it's nowhere near as glamorous as management would like you to think. I'm sorry to disappoint everybody, I'm not a star. As much as I'd like to be well known, respected and admired – for the most part, I'm not. One or two of you might recognise me but in reality, I'm barely known.

Will smiles, happy he's being himself.

Everknight: That's okay, I don't mind being nameless and faceless. I've had a happy life and I'm proud of what I've accomplished. No, I'm not writing books and shooting films but I am doing what I love and that's pro wrestling. That's why, even though now I'm a nobody, one day I will be a somebody. I will work hard in that ring and you will remember me for it. I will wrestle classic after classic and I will win every damn match. Oh, I know it's going to be hard. The script's not a complete lie; this place has some phenomenal talent. I know I'm going to struggle and I'm going to struggle hard. I'm going to bleed all over that ring on my quest for gold, 'cause I really do want to become GIW Unified Champion, that's been a dream of mine since I can remember.

Will laughs, looking at the cast on his right arm.

Everknight: And this is fake too, I didn't really break my arm. Look, I'm sorry. I know I've lied and I know lying's wrong. My mom would be giving me hell if she was here now. I didn't want to lie. As I said, I'm an indy kid and I've been given one hell of an opportunity. I had a-

Michael Cappeli: Hey dickless, you got a smoke?

Everknight: WHAT? A smoke!? In the middle of my promo?

Cappeli: What are you deaf? Yeah, a smoke. You got one or not?

William scowls.

Everknight: No, I don't have a smoke. As you can see, I'm in the middle of a promo and I would appreciate it if you would back off and let me finish.

Cappeli: Who do you think you're talking to? Who are you anyway, McZygmunt Cubed's replacement or something?

Everknight: Who am I? I'm you're biggest nightmare un-

Cappeli: No, no... I'm Nightmare. Michael 'Nightmare' Cappeli, you delusional little shit stain.

Everknight: Who? I don't give a damn who you are. You could be Travis Roberts for all I care. I don't smoke and therefore I don't have a smoke. I can't help you and even if I could, I wouldn't. Show me some respect, and I'll show you respect. That's how it works.

Cappeli: Whoa, whoa... it was a simple yes or no answer I was after! You're turning it into an ass whooping!

Everknight: I don't have time for this, Cappeli. I know I'm new here but that doesn't mean I have to take your BS. Now I'm giving you a chance to leave and if you don't take it, I will have to lend a helping hand, if y'know what I mean.

Cappeli: I know exactly what you mean. A helping hand? Here's a helping hand.

Michael smacks William and his head jerks to the right as spit goes flying.

Everknight: I thought you wanted a smoke. If it's a fight you're after, you should've said, I would've kicked your head in earlier.

William punches Michael who quickly retaliates with a punch of his own. They trade lefts and rights, knocking each other senseless. William hits a hard left hook, knocking Michael back and the brawl spills into the corridor.

Hanson: Zzzzbnsnsns! What, where am I? Hey, what's happening? Where's my pizza?

Vinegar: Go back to sleep, Daniel. I'll wake you when it's here.

Michael charges at William, who dodges the attack and Cappeli goes straight into a wall. Will grabs the man and throws him to the floor before landing more stiff punches. Michael blocks one and smashes Will in the left eye. Blood trickles down his face.

Security: There they are!

Five security men struggle to break up the fight as Michael and Will try desperately to reach each other.

Cappeli: Fuck you, jobber!

Michael spits in Will's face and Everknight launches at Cappeli but security keeps the men apart.

Cappeli: That's right, you can't touch me and even if you could, I wouldn't feel a damn thing.

William can be heard screaming at Michael as Michael flips Will off. And the scene ends with security dragging Michael one way and William the other, as Michael's rage filled voice echoes down the corridor...

Vinegar: Welcome to the wonderful world of Global Impact Wrestling, William Everknight.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Swagger Like Us.

Hanson: Well somebody’s eager; we didn’t even get to have our pre match banter where I establish what I’ll be doing for this match.

Vinegar: I’m sure you’ll think of something.

Hanson: I hope so!

Michael Cappeli amidst his red and white arena lighting swaggers down to the ring, his gaze occasionally fixing upon a single fan in the audience.

Dennis: From Houston, Texas weiging 22 pounds he is THE NIGHTTTTTTTMARRRRRRRRRE MICHAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEL CAPPPPPPPPPELLLLLLLLLIIIIII!!

Michael slides into the ring and raises a fist into the air triumphantly.

Vinegar: So Dan you have your little gimmick for this match figured yet?

Hanson: Gimmick! Shhh Nick you can’t use words like that on the show, even I know that!

Vinegar: We’re on the internet as you’re always going on about, wouldn’t the people watching us know about all that lingo.

Hanson: No their too busy watching kiddy porn Nick, do you even listen to me? I say some very important things every week!

*Crimson Ghost.

Hanson: God I hate this guy!

Vinegar: You a bit jealous Dan?

Hanson: No! Why would I be? And if you bring up that ugly rumour I will bury you on top of yo momma!

Ghost comes running down the entranceway with a skip in his step, cutting a lap around the ring before he jumps up on the announce table.

Dennis: And weighing 224 pounds he is THEEEEE CRIMMMMMMMMMMSONNNNNNNN GHOOOOOOOOOOSTTTTTTT!!

Ghost then back flips off and puts both commentators in a headlock before charging into the ring.

Hanson: That’s why he annoys me so.

Vinegar: apparently he annoys Cappeli as well, because the second Ghost slide into the ring he was hit with a running dropkick.

Hanson: That’ll learn him!

Vinegar: Learn him? Cappeli now stomping away at The Ghost before dragging him to his feet and attempting a suplex.

Hanson: Yeah learn him, what’s wrong with that? Could it be my gimmick for the match?

Vinegar: Ghost though lands on his feet and slaps Cappeli before leaping to the top turnbuckle and…SPIN CYCLE! Michaels head driven into the ring with that tornado DDT, one hell of a move early on in the match.

Hanson: Crimson’s now going for a Texas Cloverleaf and he’s got it synched in, I bet Michaels is learning this move hurts.

Vinegar: Seriously learnt, you’re making a gimmick out of that?

Hanson: Yep! And obviously Michael has learnt well as he has the botto mrop forcing the break.

Vinegar: Ghost pulling him up to his feet, but Cappeli with a jaw breaker, followed up with a belly to belly suplex.

Hanson: Now it seems Michaels repaying the favour and is going to learn Ghost with a dragon sleeper.

Vinegar: Seriously Dan, this is you’re worst one yet!

Hanson: It was yo mommas idea…but Ghost having a good idea, where did he learn that from grabbing the bottom rope with his hand.

Vinegar: Oh god!

Hanson: Both men have learnt well in the past and their getting to their feet, Michael with a right hand, Ghost fires back with a forearm. One can’t help but wonder where they learnt such stiff shots!

Vinegar: Please stop Dan.

Hanson: You’ll learn I never stop Nick! Ghost with a kick to the stomach and now he’s pinching Capelis nose and he slaps down his own hand. He must have learnt that move watching the three stooges, watch even I can do it.

Dan turns to Nick pinching his nose and then slapping his hand down.

Hanson: hahahahaha!

Vinegar: God you’re an idiot!

Hanson: I learnt long ago to ignore you’re insuslts as it seems Cappeli learnt that funny or not that move by Ghost didn’t do much and he just belly to belly suplexed Ghostlifico!

Vinegar: Raising his fist in the air now.

Hanson: Great contribution Nick, I just learned that you are a hack.

Vinegar: Me a hack!

Hanson: Speaking of hack…I saw a movie called hack the other day and someone who looked just like my Gabby got her boobs out in it!

Vinegar: Just focus on the match…wait her boobs out, all the way out?

Hanson: You have to learn more by watching it yourself! Cappeli has got Ghost up on his back now, it seems that the Cappatalized is moments away from ending the match…and bam Ghost hits the ground hard!

Vinegar: Cappeli in for the cover.

Hanson: Nice contribution Nick!

1…

2…

3!

Dennis: Here is you’re winner MICHAAAAAEEEEEELLLL THEEEEEEEEE NIGHTTTTTTTTTTTTTMARRRRRRRRRREEEEE CAPPPPPPPPELLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIII!!

Vinegar: Well ladies and gentlemen…

Hanson: Haven’t you learned yet, their perverts and virgins…and the occasional cam show slut!

Vinegar: Regardless of that we’re now 2 matches down for the night after seeing Michael Cappeli become the number 1 contender for the GIW.com Championship.

Hanson: And if you stay tuned to us and ignore that new video of Paris Hilton getting plowed by a walrus you can see…aghhhh!

Vinegar: What?

Hanson: Can I just sleep through the next 2 matches? Give me a colouring book and call in your twin to help you!

Vinegar: If only it were that easy.

Michael Cappeli makes his way to the back, his hand raised in the air and a smug grin on his face.

Michael Capelli: 13

Crimson Ghost: 3

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Probot’s “The Warlock” begins to blare through the arena in earnest and as the hard guitars get into their rhythm and the drums begin to hammer the lights drop and silver strobe lights begin to flash throughout the arena. They go on this way for a few moments until the lyrics start at which point the strobes stop.

“I’m going to fuck your life up.
I’m going to crush your soul.
Two demons stand beside me…and now I’m taking control.
I never sleep.
I’ve got a sinister plan.
Your world is weak…

And now I’ve taken command…HAHAHAHA !!!”

As this blasts the phrase “THE MOMENTUM KILLER” flashes across the tron right before a video of Dirge destroying someone with “The Spinebreaker” plays. The video continues to play to multiple scenes of adversaries getting demolished, one after the other until the lyric hits “And now I’ve taken command”, followed by the evil laugh happens. At that moment the PPW tron video shows Dirge standing atop a ladder with a gigantic satisfied smile on his face, holding an enormous, gold Championship belt over his head as people boo furiously and throw trash into the ring.

As the chorus plays two gigantic spotlights shine onto the stage as Dirge comes strutting out onto it with three gigantic Championship belts adorning him, one per shoulder, the gIw Tag Team Championship around his waist and an arrogant smile on his face. He stops at the head of the ramp and slowly raises his arms and as he does so the spotlights dim. Finally he thrusts his arms out and two gigantic shots of pyrotechnics explode on opposite sides of the stage. He laughs loudly at the crowd reaction before lowering his arms and beginning his walk to the ring. As he gets three steps down "The Russian Destruction Machine" Erik Drugonov comes walking out of the back, dark sunglasses over his eyes and his dangerous form adorned by a dark and expensive suit. He follows Dirge at a short distance, keeping an eye out for trouble as the man he's sworn to protect walks to the ring, doing everything in his power to torment and incite the fans and his opponent to the most anger possible.

He gets to the ring and stops at the apron while waiting for Erik, who walks up to him and stops. After a few seconds Erik walks to the stairs, walks up them and enters the ring. He clears the ring of the referee and then watches silently as Dirge enters unhindered. Dirge watches this with a smile before walking over to the stairs and looking up into the ring. He does this for a few moments before grinning and then slowly walks up the steps. Once he gets to the top he stops and un-straps the Tag Team Championship from his belt, raising it high overhead to an enormous boo. He grins and laughs at the overall response as his incredibly long entrance starts to really piss people off. After a few moments of enjoying their ire, he lowers the Championship and steps over the top rope, then strolls into center ring, where he raises the other two Championships over head in each hand while handing the gIw Tag Championship off to Erik to hold up as more pyro explodes over the ring behind him. He stands in the middle of it with a huge and obnoxious smile on his face as the pyro blasts. Once it ends he lowers the Championships and hands them to Erik, who hands him back the gIw Tag Championship. Dirge walks to each corner and shows the Tag Championship Belt off from the second rope before walking to center ring and holding over head as he turns to face every corner of the building. He walks back to center ring and stands with the gIw Championship Belt slung over his right shoulder as Erik holds the other two Championship belts for him. He pulls a microphone out of his suit jacket and smirks like a total prick as the fans continue to boo him loudly. He finally raises the mic and speaks into it, his voice carries a tone of utter boredom.

Dirge: Come on everyone; get it out of your system for a few seconds…I’ll give you a fresh reason to hate me even more soon enough.

The fans continue to rain down fevered boos on him for another solid minute before they start to die down. Dirge steps up out of the corner and raises the mic again. His tone doesn’t sound any more entertained, just a lot more condescending.

Dirge: There everyone…feel all better now ? That wasn’t so bad, was it ?

This statement sets the fans off in a chorus of new boos, this time with renewed vigor. Dirge walks to center ring and stands with the mic up to his mouth and a snide grin on his face. After a few moments he chuckles and speaks into the mic. This time his tone is that of a very entertained man who is greatly enjoying the response of pure hatred that he’s getting, and very likely to do something to turn it up not too far into the future.

Dirge: Now….for the last couple of months The Covenant has been solidifying its place here in Global Impact Wrestling. In that time we’ve rescued the Tag Team Championships from a featherweight and a teenager, turned many people inside out and even stirred the pot quite at bit at the expense of Ezekiel Pax, Hiroshima and a few others and put a proper beat down on Osiris and his schizophrenic criminal buddy Serapis. All in all I’d call that a good way to kick off our seventh anniversary as a group.

Again the fans boo him and again his smirks at the reaction.

Hanson: I love this guy ! He’s such an antagonistic prick !

Vinegar: Just like you…except he has more style, a better use of the English language…and, if your commentary in Brazil was any indication, a greater sense of his gender than you do.

Hanson: Shut up Dan. At least I know what gender your mother is.

Vinegar: My mother’s dead you ass…yet you continue to make sexual jokes about her. Are you a necromaniac ?

Hanson: Uh…no. Just shut up and go back to the ring…

Vinegar: That’s what I thought.

Dirge speaks into the microphone again as the fans continue to boo him.

Dirge: I must say that facilitating the downfall of Ezekiel was rather entertaining. I enjoyed watching him roll around the ring in agony like that…I was even nice enough to try and stomp him out. It’s too bad Osiris had to interfere. I thought I was doing a good job.

The fans boo again, egged on by his mockingly mournful expression.

Vinegar: He’s happy about what happened to Ezekiel…and even happier that he got the chance to stomp on the man while he was on fire and thrashing in agony. That’s just depraved !

Hanson: Nah, look at him. He’s upset because he couldn’t finish putting Ezekiel out. He was only trying to help.

Vinegar: You’re as big an idiot as he is an asshole, and that’s saying something !

Dirge walks around the ring and says something to Erik; who smirks in response. He walks back to center ring and holds up the mic again.

Dirge: What amuses me so much about Osiris and Serapis is that they are both completely blind and don’t even know it. They’ve both deluded themselves into thinking that they are somehow something better than they could ever even hope to be. That degree of self delusion is truly incredible and oh so easy to manipulate… If I wasn’t such an evil prick by nature I wouldn’t know where to begin on those two, they offer so many options after all.

He chuckles to himself and leans against the top rope, facing up the ramp.

Dirge: Thankfully I am an evil prick, and a mastermind to boot…so I have so much in mind for those two.

He laughs to himself again before continuing. The fans continue to boo him; some even toss a few articles of trash into the ring at him. None of them even came close to making contact with him though.

Dirge: I find them an interesting and amusing contrast to each other. Osiris is the self righteous one, full of feux morality and an odd superhero complex. On the other hand Serapis is a career criminal and very likely a murderer at heart. A former, and possibly current, member of The Triad…one of the most feared criminal organizations in the entire world. Both cling to this weird Egyptian God shtick while never seeming to do anything with it. It really is an amusing study in contrasts. It isn’t even really clear if they like each other, let alone somehow trust each other. Hell, under different circumstances I’d consider offering Serapis a job in my company. I’m always on the lookout for promising and efficient talent. It’s hard to find these days.

An evil smirk spreads across his face and he lifts the mic up.

Dirge: Hell Serapis…come talk to me. I can make it very much worth your while.

He chuckles to himself as he begins to walk around the ring again. The fans continue to boo him, more so after his offer of employment to Serapis on the day of his Tag Team Championship match against him. It was an obvious attempt to stir up trouble between the challengers…although the offer did appear to be genuine.

Dirge: Don’t get me wrong Serapis, once you’re in the ring against Raenius and I it will be my job to demolish you, to pick you apart and leave you for the vultures to tear at in a hungered frenzy. If you wish to speak to me afterward though I am not a hard man to find… you don’t need Osiris…that much is very clear.

He walks around the ring and pauses briefly, soaking in the hatred of the crowd with a smile. He straightens out his suit coat and switches the Tag Championship Belt to his left shoulder before continuing.

Dirge: Now…Osiris…what are we going to do with you ? I see that you tracked down Mickey in spite every warning that was given to you by those of us who know him the best. That interview was really quite touching to see. I’m glad he’s healthy…more or less anyway. Your obsession with using Mickey as leverage against Chassie is really quite absurd. You see, the problem with it is that that strategy is full of holes. Now, I could be a nice guy and tell you what those are…but I’m not a nice guy and never have been and I would derive so much greater pleasure from watching it all explode in your face while you stand there looking dumbfounded and stupid.

He pauses for a moment and the asshole grin on his face widens.

Dirge: Well, more stupid than usual at any rate.

He chuckles to himself as more junk gets tossed into the ring at him by the increasingly angered fans.

Dirge: What is it with you and this sudden bout of self righteousness ? Who died and left you moral arbiter of the world ? Is your ego so fragile that you have to buttress it in such a blatantly transparent and absurd manner ? Not even your supposed “ally” and “tag team partner” gets what’s crawled in between your ears and ingested what’s left of that mustard seed sized organ that you call a brain. Oh, and don’t hang Mickey’s release over Chass’ head…that was all my and Raenius’ doing. We put him in the cookie farm, we took him out of the cookie farm and then we sent him home after the reunion…so take that sanctimonious preaching that you tried to hang over Chass and save it for a rainy day with someone who’s enough a sucker to fall for it. In order for me to be bothered by it I’d have to have a conscience about the matter.

A truly evil grin comes across his face and it accentuated by an utterly chilling look in his eyes. When his next statement comes out it is blunt and definitive.

Dirge: I don’t.

He shrugs after the statement and continues to walk around the ring, before finally coming to rest in one of the corners, where he leans against the turnbuckle and folds his arms across his chest. Outside the ring Vinegar looks disturbed by what he’s hearing, while Hanson looks very entertained by it.

Vinegar: I’m not convinced that he shouldn’t be locked up and evaluated by a mental professional. I’ve never seen a man flip between sociopathic and controlled with such ease before. It’s a very chilling sight to behold.

Hanson: Personally I like it. You never really know what’s going on between his ears….unlike your momma…who knows exactly what’s going into her ears when I’m with her. Oh yeah !

Vinegar: At what point does your depravity allow you to move up from the dead to children ? I’m not advocating it mind you, it just seems the next step for you…

Hanson: You’re sick.

Vinegar: Says the man who talks about screwing a corpse.

Dirge looks at Erik and laughs again before raising the mic. This time his tone and demeanor are conversational, although there’s still the ever present condescending tone to it.

Dirge: Incidentally, you don’t want to see eye to eye with Mickey. Regardless of what you saw that day, you lack the mental capacity to truly grasp what’s going on in his mind. You lack the intellectual fundamentals to even come close. Incidentally, “luck” as you chose to ramble on about for no apparent reason…other than to again stroke your own ego…“luck” is a transitory and empty phrase for those who lack the stomach to take the world and shape it. “Luck” is for people like you who perpetually fail to understand the world around them and yet somehow think that they hold some control within that world. “Luck” is the word that the lambs of the world perpetually bleat out before the wolves tear out their throats and feast on them.

His grin widens as he steps out of the corner and faces the big screen. A smirk pulls at the corner of his mouth as he looks down at his half of the Tag Team Championships.

Dirge: I don’t need your “luck” Osiris.

His look again takes on a more dangerous air.

Dirge: Conversely…there isn’t enough luck in Ireland to save you from Raenius and I.

He walks over to the side of the ring that faces the big screen and leans over the top rope again, gazing calmly up the ramp.

Dirge: I’ll leave you with this, and I want you to ponder it carefully…if your brain is capable of understanding it…

Vinegar: You get the feeling that he’s really enjoying this.

Hanson: Of course he is. The fans hate him for calling out their new hero and meanwhile he’s digging his way into the heads of both Osiris and Serapis. Who knows what Serapis will make of his offer…but you know that Osiris heard it and whether he admits it or not he’s going to be thinking about it. It’s a brilliant psychological ploy.

Dirge takes a moment to look over his half of the Tag Team Championship before turning and handing it to Erik. When he turns around the master manipulator is out for all to see.

Dirge: Accept what you wish to see if that is what you must do, but bear in mind that what you see is not always what you see.

With that he laughs evilly, flips the mic up into the air and takes the gIw Tag Championship Belt back from Erik. He walks around the ring, again showing it off for everyone as “The Warlock” cues up again. Once he’s done showing it off it fastens it around his neck and takes the RAWF World Championship and ICW Television Championship belts from Erik and hangs them over his shoulders again. With that he and Erik depart the ring and walk up to the back as the fans again shower him with hatred. As he gets to the top of the ramp he turns around and holds the two Championships over his head, smiling obnoxiously. The fans barrage the stage with trash as he does so. He finally lowers the belts and drops them back onto his shoulders before turning and walking back through the curtain. Erik follows shortly behind. The camera jumps back to the announce table where both commentators look utterly dumbfounded.

Hanson: What the hell did he mean by “what you see is not always what you see” ? That doesn’t make any sense.

Vinegar: If I knew what he was talking about it would make it a lot easier to understand that statement….as it is it’s a chilling remark. That man truly is the most evil and conniving member of The Covenant…and a danger to everyone in GIW.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Vinegar: It’s time for the tag team title match.

Hanson: You know who’d make a good team. A donkey and a trout!

Vinegar: Donkey and a trout, Dan? I don’t think they’d be able to compete in the GIW.

Hanson: Firstly, you’re wrong. Secondly, we have a penguin… currently as our boss. Thirdly, who said anything about competing the GIW. Fourthly, YO MOMMA gets doubled teamed by a donkey and a trout every night that the Hanson Cannon aint blasting massive….

Vinegar: MITCHELL! TAKE IT!

Dennis: Donkeys and trout’s! Pedobears and that ‘why don’t you take a seat over there’ guys. Pitchers and catchers! Bitches, hos, cum dumpsters, and cuckolds! Since we’re back in the states next week I gotta run through these tonight! So limp dicks, loose cunts, pity fucks, and pity fuckers! This is your tag team championship match!

Nile - In Their Darkened Shrines II: Invocation to Seditious Heresy kicks in as the fans stand to turn to the entrance ramp.

Dennis: Standing six feet three inches, weighting in at 235 pounds, this is Serapis!

The screen effects change to a video montage of oriental structures, serpents, pyramids, ankhs, scorpions, and other such symbolism. Likewise, Serapis begins to enter the forward stage and Serapis clenches his fists and places them in front of his face before shutting his eyes and shuttering his head as he performs this action. Then his arms are drawn off to his side in a straight burgeon as his eyes as thus opened into a cold stare. Afterwards, he looks around to each side of the arena in his suddenly insanity and runs towards the ring.

Vinegar: Huge opportunity for this young man tonight!

Hanson: Huge opportunity for YO MOMMA tonight! This is the last night I have to spend away from my own bed. Oh my own porn collection!

Dennis: And his tag team partner. Making up the rest of their combined twelve feet five inches and 487 pounds! This is Osiris!

The lights cut out as do the power in the commentator’s headsets along with power to the large screen over the entranceway. Static is all that is illuminating the crowd, who are on edge to see this spectacle. The song begins with the loud, proud voice of Nathan Gray of Boysetsfire. As the guitars blare into existence, a wall of flame erupts from the ring, reigniting the lights and power in the arena as Osiris makes his emergence from behind the curtain. He stands at the top of the ramp, immersing himself in the reaction from the crowd. Boos, cheers, apathy, he cares not as he looks over the masses and slowly, deliberately stalks to the ring.

Hanson: …LLOOOO!!!!!

Vinegar: God damn mother fucker and his fuckin’ fucking with the audio equipment entrance.

Hanson: HHHEEEEEELLLLLLLLLOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Vinegar: Why Dan? We’re back on, you don’t have to shout… wait.

Dennis: Yeah we all heard it Nick. Entering together at a combined height of thirteen feet one inch, and a combined weight of 597 pounds, they are the GIW Tag Team Champions, they are Raenius and Dirge, they are the Covenant!

Hanson: 13 feet and 500 pounds. My dong is as big as the tag team champions!

Vinegar: Sure this is the last nig…

Hanson: AND YO MOMMA LOVES IT!

The haunting guitar tone of Chimaira’s “Secrets of the Dead” begins as the lights dim, drawing the crowd to a terrified silence. The people wait on baited breath, afraid to speak for fear of whom is behind the curtains. All is dark and as the guitar plays, the atmosphere of the arena one of death and silence and terror. As the music hits a riff, lights of dark purple and white rise up, illuminating the looks of awe and trepidation dispersed amongst the throngs of people. They flash and swirl in random form, seeming to have no particular pattern. While the lights flash on, Raenius and Dirge of The Covenant make their way out onto the stage. The very air about them is one of menace and violence. They step forward, observing with disdain the crowd that starts to boo them. Walking forward they make their way down the aisle slowly, casting loathsome looks at the people who are too afraid to throw things, but voice their dislike openly. As they make their way to the stage they climb in and then mount opposite turnbuckles, looking out amongst the crowd, who is once again shushed by the death like creep of terror’s hands around their hearts. The song fades.

Vinegar: And as soon as the Covenant descend the turnbuckles it looks like we’re ready…

Hanson: It looks like Osiris and Serapis are already ready! Serapis with a running enziguri to Raenius, and Osiris just leveled Dirge with a huge running thrust kick!

Vinegar: Seems Serapis is rolling Raenius out of the ring, and together with Osiris are setting up Dirge for the Misery Index!

Hanson: It connects!

Vinegar: Referee Glen Burke isn’t counting though! Instead demanding Serapis leave the ring.

Hanson: What you mean actually doing his job as senior official?

Vinegar: Exactly. BUT I DON’T THINK THAT’S WHAT HE HAD IN MIND!

Hanson: Serapis with a running suicide plancha, that’s what they call it down here, to the outside, but Raenius moves, and Serapis hits the guardrail hard!

Vinegar: Now, finally, Burke with the count.

Burke: ONE!

Hanson: Raenius measuring Serapis, FULL FRONTAL!

Burke: TWO!!

Vinegar: This could be it! Already? Dirge flung himself from the top of the scaffolding at No Holds Barred, then seemingly doesn’t show up for his first ppv defence?

Burke: THR…

Hanson: And the cover’s broken by Raenius.

Vinegar: It’s an unceremonious running kick to the head by Raenius.

Hanson: What did you expect me scream goal or something.

Vinegar: Kinda.

Hanson: I bet I either already have or will before the end of the stream.

Vinegar: Already have? You don’t remember?

Hanson: It’s hard to recall what I might have said or haven’t. But I know I made some YO MOMMA jokes!

Vinegar: Back to the ring it looks like Raenius has dragged his partner to the corner and tags himself in.

Hanson: And now Osiris and Raenius are exchanging tremendous rights and lefts while Serapis and Dirge start to brawl on the outside.

Vinegar: Raenius seemingly has had enough with the fisticuffs, blocks a right hand, stomps on the foot of Osiris, and then plants him the Rippersnapper.

Hanson: And back to the fist-a-cuffs? I guess. I call it mounted punching, but what ever.

Vinegar: Raenius I guess is enjoying this. I can’t really tell because of the mask, but I would think if someone has spent the last few weeks calling out your partner and blaming you for his homicidal social inadequacies then you should enjoy whooping him.

Hanson: wHipping him.

Vinegar: They let you watch television again, huh?

Hanson: wHy do you aHsk?

Vinegar: Never mind. Raenius pulling Osiris back to his feet, and then sends him down with a chokeslam!

Hanson: I cHoke YO MOMMA wHith the HHa.. hHa.. uh… uH…

Vinegar: Du-hum ass.

Hanson: Back to the action!

Vinegar: Gladdly. Raenius again pulling Osiris to his feet, shot to the ropes, could be a Full…

Hanson: NO, Osiris gets up that big boot, and Raenius crumples against the sole. Now it’s Osiris’ turn for the mounted ‘bitch where’s my money’ punches!

Vinegar: Raenius covering up… wait no he’s not? He’s letting Osiris punch him in the face.

Hanson: The guy’s a creep Nick. Don’t try to figure it out, but kinda accept it, and avoid him at all costs.

Vinegar: I think Osiris is taking exception to Raenius not defending himself, he dismounts, pulls the Resident Evil to his feet, has him up, fireman’s carry, could be a death valley driver, no Go To Sleep!

Hanson: Raenius catches the knee though before it makes contact, throws it back to the mat, and simply unloads with a brutal clothesline that backs Osiris back into his corner.

Vinegar: Serapis now on the apron tags himself in, and enters with a springboard clothesline!

Hanson: Raenius back up just in time to be drop toe hold’ed to the mat. He’s up, fireman’s carry take down. Raenius back up, hip toss!

Vinegar: Raenius might be frustrated. I can’t tell because of the mask…

Hanson: Second time Nick. I think we get it. He’s in a mask.

Vinegar: Either way, Raenius up, hurricanrana, here’s the cover!

Burke: ONE!

Hanson: Kick out at one!

Vinegar: Serapis picks Raenius up off the mat, Irish whip…

Hanson: wHip! But Raenius reverses, runs a step, stops, and backs up.

Vinegar: Serapis hits the corner with a float over, but there’s no Raenius. He turns…

Hanson: F-ah-HOLE F-ah-RUNTAL!

Vinegar: Here’s the cover!

Burke: ONE!

Hanson: Osiris trying to get in the ring.

Burke: TWO!!

Vinegar: Dirge finally doing something, and it’s keeping Osiris out of the ring while his Covenant partner makes the cover.

Burke: THREE!!!

Hanson: That’s it! The Covenant retain!

Dennis: Carriers and infected! Here are your winners, and still GIW Tag Team Champions, the Covenant!

Vinegar: This one is over folks!

Hanson: Well that was -- what the deuce?

Vinegar: The lights went out, Daniel.

Hanson: Don’t tell me these Mexican bastards don’t know how to keep a generator running. It’s not that difficult.

Vinegar: Seriously, we can’t even see the Covenant standing in the ring being awarded the GIW Tag Team Titles! This is ridiculous. Someone turn the damn lights on!

Hanson: Did yo momma eat through the wires again?

Vinegar: What part of “my mother’s dead” do you not seem to comprehend?

Hanson: I do love me the skinny ones.

Vinegar: Wait a second!

An organ begins playing a somber dirge throughout the arena.

Hanson: Are we having an impromptu funeral?

Vinegar: Danny --

Hanson: Don’t call me Danny, Nicky.

Vinegar: Whatever…

A heavy metal guitar joins in with the dirge, playing simultaneously with a loud set of drums behind it.

Vinegar: Daniel, I seem to think we’re having a visitor. Perhaps…

Hanson: Mean Mark Calloway?

Vinegar: Doubtful.

The song continues to play through the darkness as flashbulbs continue to pop everywhere.

Hanson: Well if this dumbass doesn’t hurry up, I’m going to find Gabrielle and show her Ghosts little bone’s got nothing on the Hanson Cannon!

The song suddenly stops. The lights are still out and…

PA SYSTEM: Shhh… be quiet…. You might… piss… somebody… off.

Vinegar: That’s not very nice

Hanson: Neither is this!

Vinegar: WHAT IN THE HELL?

The lights come on and Osiris stands mid-ring, face to face, with… himself.

Vinegar: It must be an Osiris doppelganger! The single difference is the face paint. While Osiris has his worn half off from the battle…

Hanson: This guy has a mask on, Nick!

Vinegar: You’re right Daniel! The other man’s wearing a mask… and man is his body racked with scars. Look at his back, Dan!

Hanson: It’s…

Vinegar: He’s taking the mask off!

Hanson: OH

Vinegar: MY

Hanson: TITTYTWISTING

Vinegar: MICKEY DRAGON! And does HE LOOKS PISSED OFF!

Hanson: He’s been the focus of Osiris’s attention for --

Vinegar: Serapis nowhere to be found right now! The Covenant is blocking his single escape route up the entranceway!

Hanson: Oh he’s mighty fucked now.

Vinegar: Dragon goes to work with right hands! Pounding Osiris!

Hanson: You just said --

Vinegar: He’s got him against the ropes and just clotheslined him over the top! The Covenant quickly there to pick him back up and throw him back in the ring!

Hanson: Now this is what I like to see. Teamwork on ass-beatings.

Vinegar: Mickey Dragon motioning for Raenius to get something for him. Meanwhile, Dragon locks Osiris in a front-facelock. Ooh, he drives him into the mat with a DDT.

Hanson: He held on.

Vinegar: He floated over and stood back up, holding onto his head! A second DDT!

Hanson: He held on again… and Raenius is getting a chair.

Vinegar: Raenius sliding the chair into the ring as Dragon stands back up again! He’s going to…

Hanson: Oh this looks ugly.

Vinegar: Dragon lifts his leg upward behind him and… SPIKES Osiris into the chair! That has a dent in it now! He may be dead!

Hanson: Oh great. We almost make it back to the states and now the maniac’s going to kill someone and get us banned from anywhere.

Vinegar: I don’t think he’s done, Dan.

Hanson: Of course not, he’s a homicidal maniac. Why would he be done with just one move?

Vinegar: Dragon’s grabbing the chair from under Osiris. Folks, I think Osiris may be out cold.

Hanson: You THINK?

Vinegar: Dirge is outside standing between the ring and Serapis. Doesn’t look like Serapis is going to save his teammate. Plus, he’s realized he’s extremely outnumbered. He’s making his way to the back.

Hanson: And… uhm…

Vinegar: Chassie Fear is stepping out from the back, joining this massacre.

Hanson: I’d be careful here.

Vinegar: Chassie passed right by… WHAT THE HELL IS DRAGON DOING!?

Hanson: Whatever he damn well pleases.

Vinegar: He’s got the chair opened up and standing as if he’s going to take a seat. He’s got Osiris’s legs grapevined around his shin. Osiris’s face-down under the chair.

Hanson: This isn’t going to be pretty.

Vinegar: The entire Covenant is now here at Break for the Border, and it doesn’t look like Osiris is going to make it out of here alive!

Hanson: What the hell?

Vinegar: Dragon has Osiris by his arms, pulling him upward… Oh My God! CURB STOMP onto the seat of the chair! His neck HAS to be broken!

Hanson: That was awesome.

Vinegar: The man may be dead, Daniel!

Hanson: Nick, you have no sense of thrill.

Vinegar: He’s not letting go! He’s doing it again! A SECOND curb stomp on the chair! Someone has to stop this!

Hanson: The Covenant sure isn’t. Chassie Fear is sliding in to help!

Vinegar: She’s yelling at him to stop!

Hanson: But he’s not!

Vinegar: A THIRD CURB STOMP on the chair! Finally he’s let go!

Hanson: Chassie seems to be calming him down.

Vinegar. But Raenius has thrown a second chair into the ring. Dragon’s got it and is setting it up next to the first one, making a makeshift table out of the seats! What the hell is this psychopath doing?

Hanson: I told you, whatever he damn well pleases!

Vinegar. Dragon could have already broken this man’s neck and he’s going to add insult to injury, isn’t he?

Hanson: No, he’s going to add injury to injury, Nick. That’s what psychopath’s do.

Vinegar: He’s dragging Osiris to his feet. Good lord, enough is enough. You’ve made your point now get out of there!

Hanson: Listen to you, you pussy. He’s not doing this to your mom…ma…yo momma. That’s what I meant.

Vinegar: A man’s life is not worth losing! Ego Death? Really? Is that necessary now?

Hanson: He’s got him… but…

Vinegar: Good God he’s stepping up onto the chairs! EGO DEATH through the chairs! Osiris’s head is bent underneath his body, and NOW GIW officials are making their way into the ring.

Hanson: Just in time to scrape him up and throw him in the trash heap. Good riddance.

Vinegar: A man’s career is over, Daniel, and you’re enjoying this?

Hanson: As much as I’ve enjoyed yo momma all these years.

Vinegar: Mickey Dragon has returned in the most disturbing of ways… and he’s leaving with The Covenant. Osiris is just the next victim of this destructive force, whom are now at FULL strength. Raenius and Dirge walking out of here as the GIW Tag Team Champions, Chassie Fear is the Dot Com Champion, and now their pet dragon has returned! We’re going to clean this up and move on, but this was just plain scary.

Hanson: Where’s the spatula?

Raenius: 5

Dirge: 3

Osiris: 4

Serapis: 3

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Hanson: I have a feeling this show isn’t going to run together that well, and it’s got nothing to do with the outbreak of Swine Flu that originated in this very country.

Vinegar: Why’d you say that?

Hanson: Well for a start, I can’t remember any specific incidents from the other matches that have already been aired, and in honesty have no wish to find out what they were.

Vinegar: Sounds like someone’s in a really bad mood, and I suspect it’s not actually you is it, Dan?

Hanson: You know it’s funny you should say that, because the words that come from my mouth, do actually betray the way I feel inside which is my usual chirpy self, is it possible that some strange outside source has some kind of power over me?

Vinegar: It’s possible, but I would suggest it isn’t just one source, or you’d probably display some kind of consistency throughout the show.

Hanson: Fair point, but it’s freaky none the less.

Vinegar: Indeed it is, but we gotta get ready for the six man tag match, Team Boss P vs Team Mary-Joanna.

Hanson:Yyeah, I just can’t get excited for it, and not just because I have no interest in either side either, it’s more due to the fact I have a feeling this is all going to have been a fruitless waste of everyone’s time.

Vinegar: What do you mean?

Hanson: I dunno, just a feeling in the pit of my stomach like we’re on an Air France place departing from Brazil...

Dennis: The Next match is our Six Man Elimination Tag team Contest between Boss Penguins team and Mary-Joanna’s team. The Surviving Members of the winning team will also gain the Number 1 Contendership for the GIW Unified Global Championship.

Vinegar: Which will be contested between ‘Lord’ Donovan Hastings and Travis Roberts straight after this match...

Hanson: Something’s definitely wrong.

Vinegar: Why?

Hanson: Well if I can’t get excited by the prospect of a match with Travis Roberts and the ‘Lord Chief’ strange things are definitely afoot at the Circle K. I’m just getting a real sense of futility around this event.

Vinegar: That is unusual, hopefully it will pass.

Hanson: I dunno, doesn’t feel temporary to me, but I’m sure I’ll have changed my stance by the time the main event rocks around.

Vinegar: That’s a fair bet.

Hanson: I wouldn’t be surprised if we didn’t get intro’s for this match, six guys, that’d keep us here forever, and I really don’t have a lot to say.

Vinegar: That’s a first, it genuinely is, and it looks like you’re going to get your wish.

‘Nigga Hol Dat’ echoes around the arena, and all three members of Team Boss Penguin arrive on the ramp. A-Kis does his familiar flips and kicks, Chassie Fear pumps her fist as she hops from one foot to the other, whilst Damascus trails behind, looking from one to the other in a disapproving nature.

Hanson: This really si surreal, even my distaste for the Hobo has seemingly gone out of the window, I mean seriously, what’s the fucking point?

Vinegar: Dan, that’s a really negative way of thinking, surely there is always good reason for you to ridicule a person based on your own narrow view of the world. It’s what makes you what you are.

Hanson: Yeah, well I’m just not feeling like myself right now.

‘Supercruel’ by Monster Magnet fills the arena, as the three members of Mary-Joanna’s team take to the stage. BoolZ cigarette in mouth surveys the Mexican crowd, which contains a fair number of Americans given Mexico’s close proximity to the US. Moss Edwards frames the fans with his hands, as DJS just stands arm’s aloft between the two, before all three make their way down to the ring.

Vinegar: You think you could possibly get over whatever male version of PMT you’re going through and get into calling this match?

Hanson: It’s unlikely.

Vinegar: Man you’re acting like a twelve year old girl who didn’t get a pony for her birthday, ‘Waaaah! What’s the point’, fucking snap out of it, ok?

Hanson; Woah...I’m not sure I recall you speaking to me that way before?

Vinegar: I don’t recall you losing your testicles. Did Damascus and his cricket bat get to you? ‘Cause unless that happened you have ne excuse for all this ‘End is Nigh’ bollocks. Now all six competitors are in the ring, and by all accounts they are about ready to start this match, but I think they are all waiting for you to stop acting like some mongoloid child and pull yourself together, before they continue the show.

Hanson: Even if I wasn’t in a strange mood, you’re talking about that Feral Madman, Gabby’s fucking fiancé, GIW’s answer to Uwe Boll, the Rainbow Dragon and the worst decision maker in GIW, the only thing worth getting hyped up about is Chassie Fear.

Vinegar: Surely your hatred towards Boss Penguin should sway you somewhat...

Hanson: Well only because I hate him just a little more than Mary-Joanna, why oh why can’t we have Declan back.

Vinegar: Because he left you Dan, and you’re just gonna have to get over that, it’s been months now. This is all because of Gabby’s engagement to Jack isn’t it? You’re feeling abandoned and alone? I understand now...

Hanson: You do?

Vinegar: Yup, deep down you’re a thirteen year old girl, it makes a lot of sense really.

Hanson: Screw you! Everyone wants a piece of the Hanson train, Declan is probably just engineering the correct financial agreements to ensure when he gets back he can rid me of you and replace me with an actual professional, and as for Gabby, she’s probably planning to off Jack in his sleep and take all his cash, given the way their relationship behaves would you be at all surprised?

Vinegar: Thank god, your back, now the competitors can finally start this match, and it looks like Chassie Fear, the current GIW.com Champion, is gonna get things started against the man she dethroned, Moss Edwards.

Hanson: Time for Chassie to show Moss how a true champion behaves.

Vinegar: But it’s Moss who makes the first move, locking up with the Dark Rose in the centre of the ring, and both guys struggling to get the upper hand now, exchanging knee thrusts to each others midsection, and eventually they break the hold without either getting the upper hand.

Hanson: Now both are circling one another, occasionally reaching out a hand and pulling it away as their opponent goes to grab it...

Vinegar: looks like Peter Damascus has ahd enough of waiting and he slaps Chassie’s back as he passes him, forcing the tag, and he leaps into the ring, Moss Edwards continues to try and circle the Empty Eyed Anarchist, but the Hobo isn’t indulging The Auteur in this game of catch as catch can, and walks straight up to him and slams him in the face with a closed fist...

Hanson: Referee Hazel East steps in and chastises Damascus for the use of that closed fist, but he doesn’t look like he’s listening, and shoves East to the side, and brings his leg up swiftly between Moss’ legs, and The Auteur slumps to his knees, clutching onto his janglies in pain...

Vinegar: Damascus grabs hold of the hairless head of The Tastemaker, and slams his knee into his face repeatedly four or five times before letting go and allowing Moss to drop to the canvas. And as the Hobo stands above him, I’m just getting word that what we suspected is true, next week GIW will be back in the United States of America and back in the GIW Arena. Apparently the bopard has indeed come to a compromise with The United States Government, allowing us re-entry to our homes, isn’t that great news.

Hanson: Sure is, I haven’t brushed my teeth in weeks.

Vinegar: Why?

Hanson: I forgot to pack my toothbrush.

Vinegar: That’s disgusting; you could have easily brought a new one.

Hanson: Yet you have no problem with a hobo, who’s probably transmitted some horrific diseases on his time in the street’s is allowed in the same ring as ‘The Headliner’ will be competing in later tonight!

Vinegar: glad your back to your usual self, as said hobo lifts the Auteur back to his feet and whips him into the ropes, only for Moss to leapfrog the homeless man, and land, turn and floor Damascus with a powerful standing dropkick...before making the tag to ‘Diamond’ Jack...

Hanson: I hope the hobo crushes his janglies, I really do.

Vinegar: Well he doesn’t get the chance initially, as DJS grabs him as he rises and executes a swift snap suplex, before getting to his feet and dropping a leg over the neck of Damascus. And then tosses the Hobo to his own corner and points directly at Alex Kiseragi.

Hanson: I hope Gabby is watching, she may not eb the only member of that couple with an interest in the same sex, DJS is literally desperate to go one on one with our very own Rainbow Dragon.

Vinegar: And A-Kis is happy to indulge DJS, and unfortunately your vile mind, by slapping Damascus on the back and climbing in the ring. It doesn’t seem like the communication in Boss P’s side is going too well, neither of their competitors so far has willingly tagged out.

Hanson: If we’re completely honest, none of them exactly showed that much willingness to represent that waddling little bird.

Vinegar: But the added incentive of a Unified Global Title shot should spice things up, and A-Kis quickly launches at ‘Diamond’ Jack Severino...leaps..performs a somersault over the head of the Diamond one, grabs his neck and executes a somersault neckbreaker...

Hanson: Seriously, is that even possible?

Vinegar: Well I just saw it happen so I’d say it was. And Alex looks as in shock as the next man regarding that move, and it takes him a brief few moments to actually make the cover...

1...

2...

Hanson: DJS looked in shock too, but I think he wants to have a little more time with teh Dragon if you know what I mean.

Vinegar: unfortunately I do, DJS getting back to his feet, dodges a clothesline attempt from Alex, and manages to slow him down with a kick to the gut, and then a gut wrench suplex takes the Dragon to the canvas for the first time, where DJS quickly slaps on a rudimentary headlock, in an effort to regain the momentum.

Hanson: A-Kis quickly though hooks his legs around the bottom rope; forcing the hold to be broken. Both men get back to their feet and circle one another again, and then lock up, with DJS getting the initial advantage, getting behind A-Kis, a position The Dragon is all too familiar with...

Vinegar: A-Kis though spinning out, and taking DJS down with a DDT...to which jack reacts to by rolling across the canvas and making the tag to BoolZ...

Hanson: And the Trailer Park hero comes charging out of his corner and takes A-Kis down with a shoulder block, and as The Dragon gets to his feet RBI quickly hip tosses him back onto the floor, before hitting him with a senton splash...

Vinegar: Randy Boolzian seems to be really hyped up for this match, and now that he’s finally got into the action, he’s going at it full tilt. Picking The Dragon up to his feet, whipping him into the corner...NOFLYZO...

Hanson: NO! A-Kis has no desire to be sandwiched between the charismatic turnbuckle and Boolzian’s body, and moves at the last moment, causing BoolZ to get hung upside down in the corner. The dragon fires off a quick volley of kicks from both feet before BoolZ get’s untangled by the beating and falls to the canvas... and A-Kis tags back out to Peter Damascus...

Vinegar: And The Empty Eyed Anarchist wastes no time in stomping down on the fallen Boolzian, before spitting on him and dragging him to his feet, and STARTS BITING ON RANDY’S EAR!...

Hanson: I’m really not sure who’s more likely to catch the nastiest infection there...

Vinegar: hazel East is forced to step in between them, and luckily does so before BoolZ’s ear is torn off...

Hanson: BoolZ pushes the referee away only to be caught directly by a kick to the janglies from Damascus, who then hoists up the Walking STI and drives him into the mat with an impressive Piledriver...

Vinegar: Now Damascus turns back to his corner and tags in Chassie Fear, and the Dark Rose is soon upon the RBI...FLUIDITY!

Hanson: The kip-up clothesline takes Chassie to the floor and Randy Boolzian quickly scrambles to the corner and tags Moss Edwards back into the action, who quickly grabs The Dark Rose, and whips her into a corner, follows her in and lifts her to the top rope, before executing a Superplex, and makes the cover...

1...

2...

Vinegar: No! Chassie just about manages to get her shoulder up, and Moss is denied. He gets up slowly and once again whips Chassie, this time into the ropes, on her returns he leaps and hits her with a Hurricanrana, and holds onto her legs, making an impromptu cover...

1...

2...

Hanson: the GIW.com Champion kicks out once again, and Moss turns around and grabs her locks once more, only this time Chassie lunges her head directly into the Auteur’s midsection, breaking his hold on her, and stumbles into her corner, tagging The Empty Eyed Anarchist back into the action.

Vinegar: Damascus launching himself onto the reeling Auteur, grabbing hold of him by the skull, digging his rancid long nails into his skull, and tossing him onto the floor, before curb stomping the former GIW.com Champions skull...

Hanson: then, using those putrid hands, he brings Moss to his feet, and quickly punches him in the face again, and before East can warn him once more, he grabs Moss and thrusts him to the floor with a powerful Spinebuster, before making the cover...

1...

2...

Vinegar: NO! Moss gets his foot on the rope, and Peter Damascus spits in The Auteurs face in disgust before standing and stomping on his head once more, before hazel East has to restrain him and allow Moss to get back to his feet...

Hanson: As he does the Janglie Crushing Hobo once again pushes East out of his way and charges at Moss, who desperately sidesteps and takes down Damascus with a drop toe hold, causing the hobo’s throat to be guillotined on the second rope...

Vinegar: The Auteur now stumbles across to his corner and tags in the RBI, who raises his hand to his ear and then stalks up on Damascus...

Hanson: who uses the ropes to propel himself upwards, turns and head butt’s Randy Boolzian directly between the eyes...

Vinegar: breaking Boolzians nose in the process, Blood spews everywhere, as Damascus tags out to ‘The Dragon’ Alex Kiseragi, who takes advantage of BoolZ’s state by using a headlock takedown, and then , applying pressure to the RBI’s skull...

Hanson: Randy able to counter though, by stretching and wrapping his legs around the skull of Alex Kiseragi, and forcing him onto the mat, and BoolZ into a more dominant position...

Vinegar: A-Kis though twists round, and flips over, arches his back, breaks the hold, but keeps hold of BoolZ’s legs as he sits in a bridge and attempts the cover...

1...

2...

Hanson: Boolzian able to break out easily, and both men leap back onto their feet, the RBI’s face covered in blood, and a fair amount of it has transferred to the canvas after Damascus’s vicious head butt.

Vinegar: Both men tangle once more, A-Kis getting the advantage, and takes Randy back tot eh ground with a belly-to-belly suplex, and he then climbs to the top rope...waits for Randy to egt to his feet, and once again takes the RBI down with a stunning dropkick that almost defies gravity...

Hanson: And he then turns, springboards off the middle rope, goes for a lionsault...

Vinegar: BoolZ raises his legs and The Dragon lands painfully on top of them before bouncing onto the mat, and Randy quickly turns and makes his way for the tag, and brings ‘Diamond’ Jack Severino back into the game, just as Alex Kiseragi tags in the Dark Rose.

Hanson: the GIW.com Champion, instantly hits DJS with a spear, and then continues the assault with a hail of punches before Hazel East is forced once again to intervene and she pulls The Dark Rose from DJS, who uses the ropes to get back to his feet.

Vinegar: Both lock up, and DJS pushes Chassie straight to thecanvas in a display of his incredible strength...

Hanson: Pushing a woman is hardly a suitable display of power...And Chassie is straight back up to her feet, and she returns fire with a spinning kick that rocks DJS backwards, and she then springboards off the middle rope and catches a dazed DJS by the head...TWILIGHT!!!

Vinegar: NO! DJS KEEPS CHASSIE ALOFT, NOT ALLOWING HER TO RETURN HIM TO THE GROUND, AND FLIPS BACKWARDS INTO AND ARCHING SUPLEX, AND KEEPS HOLD!

1...

2...

3!!!

Eliminated: Chassie Fear.

Vinegar: the first person falls, and it’s none other than Chassie Fear, the GIW.com Champion, and she rolls out of the ring, and is escorted by security up the ramp, she’ll play no further part in this contest. And Boss Penguins night just got a little worse...

Hanson: But the Janglie Crushing Hobo doesn’t waste his time and leaps straight into the ring, kicking DJS square in the face as he gets to his feet, sending the ‘Diamond in the Rough’ back down to the mat.

Vinegar: Damascus is certainly pulling no punches here tonight...

Hanson: Or kicks, and he drags ’Diamond’ Jack back onto his feet, and whips him into the ropes...and floors him with a chop directly to the throat of ‘Diamond’ Jack.

Vinegar: Before mounting Gabrielle’s fiancé and gouging at his eyes, until for the umpteenth time in this match Hazel East is forced to intervene.

Hanson: Diamond Jack slowly makes his way to his feet again, and just manages to dodge yet another kick to the face from the crusted boot of GIW’s only homeless combatant, and manages to grab hold of it and twist it sending Damascus to the canvas with a thud...

Vinegar: DJS gets back to his feet, quicker than Peter and decides not to wait for another attack and instead goes on an offensive of his own, sending Damascus reeling backwards with punch after punch to his upper body, before kicking him in the stomach, and heaving him above his head and sending him crashing down with an almighty Powerbomb...

Hanson: but as he goes down for the cover the Hobo pulls out another cheap trick and rakes Jacks eyes, and rolls out of DJS’ grasp, before using his legs to sweep DJS of his...

Vinegar: And DJS hit’s the ground face first, and Damascus jumps back to his feet , grabs DJS’ legs and stamps directly in DJS’ nether regions at least four times...

Hanson: At least his filthy hobo body is being used for the good of the public, no-one wants little Severino’s running around the place...

Vinegar: Dmaascus finishes his assault on ‘Diamond’ Jacks reproductive system and then spits in his wincing eyes, before dragging him to his feet and whipping him against the ropes...

Hanson: BoolZ makes the blind tag...

Vinegar: DJS manages to hit Damascus with an uppercut that sends him stumbling round...

Hanson: DISCOMBOOLZALTOR!!!

Vinegar: Hazel East acknowledged the blind tag, order Severino from the ring, and falls to ehr knee’s to make the count...

1...

2...

3!!!

Eliminated: Peter Damascus

Vinegar: Things are looking dire for Boss penguins side, despite their fighting spirit everything rests on Alex Kiseragi’s shoulders against some of the best GIW has to offer...and Damascus roll’s from the ring, and rather than allowing security to escort him backstage he hurdles the security barrier and stumbles off through the crowd.

Hanson: And now The Dragon knows he can’t waste anytime...and launches at Randy Boolzian...YARI KICK!!!

Vinegar: Randy Boolzian flies backwards and into the turnbuckle, and slumps down resting against it...and Kiseragi follows in with a vicious knee to the head...

Hanson: And then goes for the cover...

1...

2...

Vinegar: NO! Randy reaches out and manages to grab hold of the rope breaking the count, and A-Kis jumps to his feet, and takes a few steps backward await Randy getting to his feet...

Hanson: And as Randy does, The Dragon once again throws himself at him and leaps into a spinning DDT...

Vinegar: And Randy once again taken to the floor, but A-Kis thinks better of going for a cover, and quickly uses his energy to leap onto the top rope, and off again...FROGSPLASH!

Hanson: BOOLZ MOVES...

Vinegar: Alex hits the canvas with great force, if that had connected Randy would surely have been eliminated, and Randy climbs to his feet, awkwardly and tags in Moss...

Hanson: Both men now lifting the dazed Dragon to his feet, they whip him against the riopes...go for the double clothesline...

Vinegar: NO! Kiseragi ducks under, stops running, turns and as both men turn to face him leaps, and wraps his legs around both men....DOUBLE HURICANRANA!

Hanson: I didn’t even know that was possible, that’s the second time tonight...

Vinegar: It sure is and A-Kis springs back to his feet, and pursues BoolZ once more despite Randy not being the legal man, as BoolZ gets to his feet A-Kis is poised...DRAGON TAIL!!!

Hanson: Randy Boolzian flips directly over the ropes and falls to the arena floor after receiving that move...

Vinegar: And A-Kis hasn’t forgotten about Moss, and turns just before The Auteur can launch at him, and downs Moss Edwards with a short arm clothesline. Before locking on an armbar...only for DJS to climb through the ropes and boot A-Kis in the head breaking the hold...

Hanson: But as DJS is ushered out of the ring once more by East, A-Kis gets back to his feet at the same time as Moss and ducks under a clothesline attempt, grabs The Auteurs arm, keeps it held straight, and then extends his leg, and kicks Moss directly in the jaw two times before letting him go, and spinning back onto two feet...

Vinegar: Moss looking dazed and worse for wear after that...and A-kis senses this, runs the ropes...ROLLING CLUTCH PIN!

1...

2...

Hanson: NO! BoolZ grabs A-Kis Leg from the outside and pulls him off the former GIW.com Champion, and A-Kis is furious and spins around to scream a few words at BoolZ, who climbs onto the canvas, and both men trade punches...

Vinegar: As Moss climbs to his feet...

Hanson: BoolZ ducks a punch from A-Kis, and shoulder barges him in the midsection using the middle rope for leverage, and A-Kis turns doubled over with pain...

Vinegar: And Moss springboards off the middle rope...CUTTING ROOM!

1...

2...

3!!!

Eliminated: Alex Kiseragi!

Dennis: HERE ARE YOUR WINNERS, JAAAAAAAAACK SEEEEVERINOOOOO, RAAAANDY BOOOOOLZIAN AND MOOOOOOSSSS EEEEEEDWAAAAAARDS....TEEEEEAM MAAARY JOOOOOAAAANAAAA!

Vinegar: Boss P’s team dispatched here without a single loss to the Team of Mary Joanna’s recruits, meaning all three men, Randy Boolzian, ‘Diamond’ Jack Severino and Moss Edwards have all got themselves a hot at whoever wins our next match, Dan! And you said this wasn’t exciting!

Hanson: I stand by my comments, whoever walks out GIW Unified Global Champion tonight would be able to defeat all 6 men in that ring tonight, nothing I saw tonight changed my mind on that matter.

Vinegar: Well whatever you say, we’ve just seen a truly dominant performance from Mary Joanna’s boys, despite a valiant fight from their efforts, the teamwork displayed between Randy, jack and Moss seems to have got them the victory tonight, you never got the feeling Chassie, Damascus or Alex were really on the same page tonight...next up two men on completely different books, ‘Lord’ Donovan Hastings takes on Travis Roberts in an Ultimate Submission match for the GIW Unified Global Championship!


Team Mary Joanna: 40

Team Boss Penguin: 26

Moss Edwards: 16

Randy Boolzian: 12

‘Diamond’ Jack Severino: 12

‘The Dragon’ Alex Kiseragi: 10

Peter Damascus: 8

Chassie Fear: 8

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Vinegar: This is it, the big one that everyone has been waiting for.

Hanson: Hell yeah! I don’t care what’s come before, we’re about to see the match of the night right here.

Vinegar: You actually seem pretty enthusiastic about this. I thought you’d be dreading it with every fibre of your being.

Hanson: I have been. I’ve hardly slept all week.

Vinegar: So what changed?

Hanson: I realised that what we’re about to see is the Blessed One vs. the Lord Chief for the most prestigious title in the industry.

Vinegar: I thought that was problem.

Hanson: No it’s amazing. Don’t you get it? The two greatest superstars in the greatest company battling for it’s greatest title, in an Ultimate Submission match of all things. What we’re about to see is a technical masterpiece that will surely go down in history.

Vinegar: But who do you want to win? I thought that was the problem.

Hanson: Who cares? It’s Travis Roberts and Donovan Hastings. Whoever wins, we all win.

Vinegar: That remarkable mature of you.

Hanson: Yeah well don’t get used to it.

Vinegar: Of course not.

Immortal hit’s the speakers. Donovan Hastings walks out to the top of the ramp, draped in a cloak that seems to have been improvised from a traditional, if somewhat cliché poncho. He poses briefly and crowd cheer, possibly a cheap pop for the local attire but it’s clear the Lord of Pain doesn’t care.

Vinegar: This is the final step of the Immortal Donovan Hastings road to the Unified Title that has lead from Japan, around the world to finish here in Mexico.

Hanson: Ever since the Lord Chief sent Dredd floating off into the afterlife at No Holds Barred his destiny has been here. It’s been a long road but I’m sure he will be the first to tell you it was worth it.

Hastings reaches the ring and climbs up the steps. He enters between the middle and top ropes and strides across the ring, climbing the far turnbuckle to pose once more. As he comes down he takes off the cloak, folds it and places it under the turnbuckle. His music fades out and is soon replaced by Bummer. Half the crowd boo the typical heel while the others cheer the greatly talented Unified Champion. Travis Roberts walks out onto the stage, Global Unified Title belt across his shoulder. He holds it aloft briefly before making his way towards the ring. He stops, part way down and approaches a pretty young thing in the front row. His efforts, this time though are not reciprocated and with a shrug he carries on to the ring. He too enters up the steps and between the ropes, taking a place in the opposite corner to Donovan Hastings.

Vinegar: Both of the competitors are here, let’s send it over to Mitchell Dennis for the introductions.

Glenn Burke by this point has taken the title belt from Travis and stands beside the announcer in the middle of the ring.

Dennis: The following contest is your Break For The Border main event and is for the GIW Unified Global Championship!

As he speaks Glenn Burke holds the belt high above his head for all to see.

Dennis: Introducing first the challenger! Standing in the corner to my left! Hailing from Hartford, Connecticut! He weighed in this morning at 230lbs! He is the Number One Contender! The Immortal! The Lord Chief! Donovaaaaaaaaan Haaaaaaaaaaaastings!!!

A big cheer goes up as Hastings steps out from the corner and raises his hands to soak in the adulation. As it dies down Dennis continues.

Dennis: And his opponent standing in the corner to my right! He hails from Phoenix Arizona by way of Los Angeles, California! He weighed in this morning at 220lbs! He is the reigning, defending Global Unified Champioooooooooon!!! The Blessed One! Traviiiiiiiiis Robeeeeeeeeeeerts!!!

Another cheer goes up and Travis acknowledges it half heartedly with a single fist raised in the air.

Vinegar: It looks like these men are ready to get this one going.

Ding! Ding!

Vinegar: This is it! Global Unified Title Ultimate Submission match. Half an Hour of intense action. These two circling the ring, Travis goes to lock it up but Hastings shoots low, single leg takedown and straight into a Boston Crab! He’s got Travis rolled over and wrenching back on it. Tap out! Travis taps out!

Hanson: A genius move by the Blessed One.

Vinegar: Oh don’t tell me. It’s a TRLAOCIFSOS.

Hanson: No, it’s early on and by tapping out quickly Travis saved himself possible long term damage to his lower back.

Vinegar: Well, yeah actually that makes sense. Hastings takes a one to nothing lead in the opening minute of this match up and you can see that’s got him fired up.

Hanson: Naturally.

Vinegar: Both men back to their feet. Travis doesn’t seem too shaken by going down early. He goes for the lock up and Hastings complies this time. Rear waist lock by Hastings but Travis pulls them both to the ropes.

Hanson: Another smart move. No need to let The Lord Chief get any momentum.

Vinegar: Hastings backs away and Travis turns back. Raises a hand, test of strength challenge being issued.

Hanson: The Lord Chief has the weight advantage here, no way he’s going to back down from this.

Vinegar: You’re right, The Immortal locks fingers with him and takes the advantage. Driving him back towards the corner. Travis puts a boot to the gut and swings Hastings back into the turnbuckle.

Hanson: You can call it cheap but it’s all legal. Travis turns this one in his favour with a single move.

Vinegar: Travis puts his shoulder into Hastings abdomen, two, three times. Snapmare back out into the ring and Travis puts a knee into the spine, grasping the arms. Surfboard style manoeuvre.

Hanson: It’s a simple hold but this one is going to take a lot out of not only his arms but his back too.

Vinegar: I quite like it when you get like this.

Hanson: Yeah Yo Momma likes it too.

Vinegar: Guess I asked for that. Hastings battling out of the hold, he’s pushed up to his feet, trying to get himself turned around. Shoves Travis off, rebounds off the ropes and gets taken over with an arm drag. Hastings holds the armbar. Travis able to roll himself out though.

Hanson: It’s one thing I think too many people overlook is the great technical ability of the Blessed One. He’s much more than raw charisma and power.

Vinegar: Hastings has still got a hold of the arm though as they get back to their feet. Travis rolls out of the arm wringer though and locks in one of his own. This time it’s the Lord of Pain who grabs the rope and breaks the hold.

Hanson: Listen to this crowd. They may all be dirty Mexicans but they know good wrestling when they see it.

Vinegar: Well, everyone not so offended by that they’ve stopped watching will have seen Hastings take Travis back down to the mat with a double legged takedown and masterfully float over into a side headlock. The Headliner counters with a head scissor. The Lord Chief looking for a way out.

Hanson: Looks like he’s found one too.

Vinegar: Looks like. Hastings gets himself up into a headstand and as he comes down is able to force himself out of that grip. He’s got Travis by the legs again, could be looking for that Boston Crab again. Travis breaks a foot free though and kicks Hastings off.

Hanson: That shot sent him between the ropes and right out to the arena floor.

Vinegar: Donovan Hastings took a nasty fall against the barriers there, though he seemed more startled then hurt by it. Travis follows him out as Hastings pushes himself back up. Travis grabs him, Russian Legsweep back into the barrier. This one seems at risk of turning into a brawl.

Hanson: I doubt that, this’ll get back to the ring before you know it.

Vinegar: Well Travis has dragged Hastings up and lead him towards the ring post. Oh! The Headliner just slammed Hastings arm across that metal post. And again! The Immortal breaks free though and escapes back into the ring.

Hanson: How much of an escape you can call it though is a different matter. The Blessed One is hot on his heels.

Vinegar: Hastings is able to get to his feet first though and stomps down on Travis as he tries to slide in. Roberts able to fight through the onslaught though. Clothesline! No Hastings ducks under it. He’s got a grip on the arm. Hurrican- no he drags Travis down. Triangle Choke!

Hanson: That hold came out of nowhere! He’s got it locked in tight!

Vinegar: There’s the tap. Travis taps out! Hastings extends his lead to two to none. He breaks the hold these two split.

Hanson: We’re almost half way through this one and The Lord Chief is taking a commanding lead. It’s a long way from over though.

Vinegar: You’re right there. Travis looks a little frustrated after that one. Hastings goes to lock up again but takes an elbow for his efforts. A flurry of blows drives him back towards the ropes. Irish whip, sidewalk slam by the Headliner.

Hanson: That was a hard slam. That move executed as only the Blessed One can do it. Isn’t this match up everything I said it would be?

Vinegar: And then some and I hope those watching at home would agree. Travis pulls Hastings back up to his feet. Hastings with a wild swing. Roberts ducks and gets behind him. Full Nelson Slam puts him right on his neck.

Hanson: The Blessed One clearly preparing his big comeback. I wouldn’t be surprised if this wasn’t all a plan to make a heroic turnaround all along.

Vinegar: That may be taking a bit of a leap. Hastings has no doubt had the technical advantage early on in this one. Travis taking control now though. Front face lock applied putting pressure on that neck. Hastings trying to fight out of it. They’re back on their feet but Travis still has the hold. DDT. No, Hastings stays standing and Travis falls down.

Hanson: The Lord Chief able to just root himself like a great redwood. Incredible power.

Vinegar: The Lord of Pain looking for that trademark Texas Cloverleaf. Travis with a drop toe hold. Dragon Sleeper! The Headliner locks in a Dragon Sleeper! Pulling back on the sore neck.

Hanson: That’s the ring mastery we expect. Travis just picking apart that body part and now he’s taking advantage.

Vinegar: Hastings submits. Tap out from the Lord of Pain. Travis Roberts pulls one back. It’s now two to one in favour of Donovan Hastings. Travis not letting up. He’s looking for a second one in succession. He floats over into a Koji Clutch!

Hanson: This is exactly what I was talking about. Amazing mat wrestling by the Blessed One.
Vinegar: I don’t think this plan is going to pay off though. Hastings drops some hard hammer fists with his free arm and Travis has no choice but to break the hold. Both men getting back to their feet. Hastings clearly favouring his neck now though. Travis still looking to take advantage of it too. Travis shoots in and gets a rear waist lock. Could be the German Suplex.

Hanson: I think that was the intention but The Lord Chief manages to hook his leg and block it.

Vinegar: Hastings overpowers Travis and drives him back first into the corner. He’s turned around and unloading forearm shots on him. Travis lashes out with a kick to the Immortal’s knee. That staggered him. Travis with that waist lock again. This time gets the German Suplex off.

Hanson: …

Vinegar: Another heavy blow to the neck and Travis follows it up again. He locks in a…what even is that.

Hanson: Um…I think it’s called a Stretch Plum.

Vinegar: Oh, well the Stretch Plum locked in. Travis twisting and pulling back on the neck and he’s got a grip on the arm too. Hastings is trying to pull himself over to the ropes. Travis pulls him back to the centre though. That must have been even worse, his whole body being pulled by the neck and now no escape in sight.

Hanson: …

Vinegar: Hastings taps out! Another tap out! It’s two two. Travis Roberts drags things back from a two score deficit to even the score! Glenn Burke steps in to separate these men once again. We’re over two thirds through this one and it’s hard to tell how it’s going to end.

Hanson: …

Vinegar: You’ve gone very quiet. You ok?

Hanson: Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Just got a bit caught up I guess. Heh.

Vinegar: Well I can’t say I blame you. Travis quickly launches back, side headlock attempt but Hastings throws him off. The Headliner bounces back and sweeps behind. Cobra Clutch attempt is also fought off with that Judo style arm throw. Hastings goes for the Hands of Fate and the Blessed One scrambles away.

Hanson: …
Vinegar: He’s taken this one back outside the ring but bad neck or not, Donovan Hastings smells blood in the water and is going out after him. Travis gets turned around and dropped with a hard STO out on the hard floor. The Lord of Pain follows up with a big knee drop across the arm of the Blessed One.

Hanson: …

Vinegar: A second knee drop. No! Travis moves his arm and Hastings knee hit’s the concrete. Travis getting back up and he’s not shy about stomping down on that knee. He’s got him by the ankle, lifts him up and slams that knee back down. Ok, you’re too quiet, what’s wrong?

Hanson: Argh! I can’t take it anymore!

Vinegar: What?

Hanson: This is tearing me apart. How can they expect me to choose between them?

Vinegar: I thought you were ok with this. You were being so good.

Hanson: Couldn’t you tell I was a man on the edge!?

Vinegar: Well, no.

Hanson: Argh!

Vinegar: Well Travis has rolled The Immortal back into the ring. Hastings trying to get back to his feet but he’s clearly favouring that knee too now. Travis puts him back down with a scoop slam. Hastings quick to recover though and tries to push himself back up. Travis runs off the ropes and takes him back down with a chop block.

Hanson: Go Travis!

Vinegar: The Blessed One trying to get a grip on that bad leg but Hastings kicks him off. The Immortal pulling himself back up with the ropes as The Headliner stands himself back up too. Travis big boot! Hastings sidesteps it and Travis crotches himself over the top rope.

Hanson: No, go Lord Chief!

Vinegar: Hastings hoists him back off and into the air. Destiny’s Call! No his knee gives way. Travis lands back on his feet. White out! White out!

Hanson: I didn’t mean that. Show him who’s boss Travis!

Vinegar: Travis Roberts just dropped him right on his head and, goes for the cover? That’s sheer exhaustion sinking in right there as Glenn Burke reminds him he needs submissions. Travis drags Hastings back to the middle of the ring. He’s got that bad knee. Inverted Figure Four leg lock. A whole load of pressure once more going down on that weak point.

Hanson: Yes! See!? Even in my madness I knew it was his plan all along. Travis let himself go down just so he could come back. He’s always one for a big story.

Vinegar: I think the only reason Donovan hasn’t tapped out yet is his semi-consciousness from that White Out. He’s starting to come around though.

Hanson: Yeah he can’t hide behind near unconsciousness forever.

Vinegar: There it is, the pain just set in and Hastings taps out. Travis has pulled it back from being two scores down to go three scores to two ahead. There’s not left and it’s hard to tell how The Lord of Pain is going to come back with this little time left and in this kind of state.

Hanson: I knew it. As great as the Lord Chief is he can’t compete with the Blessed One. You’ve always been my favourite Travis!

Vinegar: Travis seems reluctant to break the hold, he’s still got it clamped in. The referee reminds him if he doesn’t break it though it’s be another score to Hastings and all his hard work will be undone.

Hanson: So He’ll just make him tap out again!

Vinegar: Unlike my partner, Travis makes the right choice and breaks the hold.

Travis struts around the ring, arms raised in victory as Hastings struggles to get back to his feet and the last few minutes start to count down on the Globaltron.

Vinegar: Travis showing no respect for his opponent and I for one am not surprised. Look at Hastings eyes though. He’s not ready to give up on this. He’s come too far. He charges across the ring, fighting through the pain in his leg and clotheslines Travis in the back.

Hanson: Cheap shot!

Vinegar: But not illegal, just like your beloved Travis’s earlier. Hastings drags him back into the middle of the ring. He’d better have a good plan. He’s got two minutes to turn this around.

Hanson: It can’t be done.
Vinegar: The Lord of Pain grabs Travis’s arm and furiously slams it into the mat. He’s like a man possessed! Over and over. Stomping on it now, then drops the knee.

1:49

1:48

1:47

Vinegar: Going for the Hands of Fate but Travis reaches the ropes again. Hastings isn’t having any of it though. He just wrenches Travis away and back to the middle. The Headliner fights back though with shots to the gut and gets back to his feet. Irish whip sends Hastings into the corner hard and he slumps down.

Travis bows to the crowd and mimics Hastings distinct regal pose, paying no heed to the Lord of Pain.

Vinegar: Bad choice. Hastings is definatly not done. He’s back up and just tackled Travis, hoists him onto his shoulder and drives him into the turnbuckle. That knocked the wind clean out of him. Hastings opening up with closed right fists to the head, each one rocking Roberts head back. He’s on queer street right now.

Hanson: What!? Travis Roberts is not queer!

Vinegar: No, it means, never mind. Hastings lifts him up onto the top rope. Crucifix position. There’s only move that can come from here. Inevitability! That huge top rope cross power bomb!

1:01

1:00

:59

Vinegar: That could have Travis weakened. He doesn’t look like he’s going to be scrambling for the ropes anytime soon. Hastings goes back to the well a third time. The Hands of Fate! Third times the charm! He’s got it locked in.

Hanson: Hold on Travis! There’s not long left!

Vinegar: Travis barely knows where he is right now but he’s definatly feeling this one. Teeth gritted, sweat pouring from his brow. I don’t know if he can hold out for a whole minute.

Hanson: He doesn’t have to. Only 37 more seconds.
Vinegar: That’s going to feel like a lifetime in that kind of agony. Travis screams, trying to find any way he can to cope.

Hanson: Please, please, please, please, please.

Vinegar Time ticking away and Hastings wrenches harder and harder with every passing moment.

:16

:15

:14

Vinegar: Travis taps! The Blessed One taps out!

Hanson: No!

Vinegar: Hastings breaks the hold as the last of the time runs off the clock. Neither of these men seems to have the capacity to stand anymore.

:02

:01

:00

Ding! Ding!

Dennis: Ladies and Gentlemen after 30 minutes of competition this match is a draw!

Crowd: Boo!

Vinegar: The fans here certainly aren’t happy about that.

Hanson: Tough. After all Hastings effort he still didn’t manage to win the title. Travis retains once more.

Vinegar: That’s not really fair, Travis didn’t beat The Immortal either.

Hanson: Well tough shit, life’s not fair and that’s how the world works.

Bang! Bang! Bang!

Hanson: Holy Crap!
We pan up to the top of the ramp where Boss P is sat in his ice bucket, Tommy gun in hand being borne by McZygmunt Cubed.

Boss P: NIGGAS, HOL’ DAT!

Hanson: What does this stupid bird want now? His man lost, get over it.

Boss P: I AIN’T HAVIN’ NONE OF THIS DRAW SHIT! WE’RE GONNA HAVE A WINNER RIGHT HERE!

Vinegar: The fans seem to like the sound of that.

Boss P: THIS MATCH AIN’T DONE! YO’ NIGGAS ARE GOING TO SUDDEN MUTHA’ FUCKIN’ DEATH! NEXT NIGGA TO BITCH OUT LOSES! NOW GET THE FUCK UP!

Vinegar: We’re going to go to sudden death! We will have a winner here!

Hanson: He can’t do that!

Vinegar: He can and he has.

Ding! Ding!

Vinegar: These two have struggled back to their feet, clearly favouring half their bodies from being wrenched, stretched and contorted every way under the sun but they’re fighting on. Hastings tackles Travis once more, driving him into the corner again. The Blessed One fighting back with those clubbing blows to the back and neck. Travis hit’s the turnbuckle hard and Hastings send him overhead with a big belly to belly suplex.

Hanson: You know I’ve always been pushing for the Lord Chief! You’re the man!

Vinegar: How fickle you are. Hastings going to finish this again with the Hands of Fate. Travis flailing wildly to keep him from getting those arms locked up. One of those shots caught him on the nose and knocked him back.

Hanson: A perfectly placed blow by Travis. He knows exactly what to do.

Vinegar: Hastings quick to recover though and he’s back on him. He’s got him mounted, raining down shots on him. What a vicious assault!

Hanson: That should be a disqualification!

Vinegar: Travis is busted open! One of those shots just sent blood spurting from his nose! The Lord of Pain lining up a knockout blow!
Hanson: He caught it! Travis caught the punch! He’s got that arm! Twisted Tourniquet!

Vinegar: The Blessed One’s big finishing armbar is locked in! He’s got a leg up over his face!

Hanson: He’s pushed down, Hastings is flat on the mat! Dead centre of the ring!

…

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…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

Vinegar: He tapped!

Hanson: HE TAPPED!!!

Ding! Ding!

Dennis: Here is your winner! And Stiiiiiiiiiill, GIW Unified Champion! Traviiiiiiiiiiis Robeeeeeeeeerts!!!

Hanson: He did it Nick! He did it!

Vinegar: He certainly did.

Travis breaks the hold and gets to his feet, blood flowing out of his nose and dropping onto the mat and his clothes. On the ground Donovan Hastings is left clutching at his shoulder which was mere moments from popping from it’s socket. From outside Travis is passed the belt which he holds high, wiping the blood away from his mouth with his free hand.
Hanson: Another defence in the great reign of Travis Roberts!

Vinegar: His dominance continues. We can’t deny that. A huge blow struck to Boss P’s efforts to maintain control as his man is unable to strip him of the Unified Title.

Hanson: And no-one ever will!

Vinegar: That’s all we’ve got time for tonight though. On behalf of GIW I would like to thank our fans around the world who’ve supported us in these tough times the past month. Next week we return home to the GIW arena and back to your Television screens.

Hanson: Good-bye child molesters!

Vinegar: The ones without TV’s anyway. I’ve been Nick Vinegar, the mental case beside me has been Daniel Hanson…

Hanson: Hey!

Vinegar: And this has been GIW’s Break For the Border! Good Night!

Travis Roberts: 10

‘Lord’ Donovan Hastings: 6

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Credits

Opening Segment
T-Rob

Debut of ‘Fighting Spirit’
Josch

Capelli vs Crimson Ghost
DJS

Dirge’s Segment
Dirge

GIW Tag Championship Match
BoolZ

Mickey Dragons Return
Mickey Dragon (AKA Osiris)

Six Man Elimination Tag Match
T-Rob

Main Event
A-Kis

Editor
T-Rob