Horizons XVIII

[UGWC Staff]

~~~INFINITY~~~

Mitchell Dennis: Here is your winner, and the Keeper of the Global Challenge Key, ZAANNEE SCCCOOTTTTTTT!!!!

Lieberjosch: Zane is victorious!

Vinegar: The first ever three-time Global Challenge winner, first person to win both versions of the tournament, Zane Scott adds to his impressive Hall of Fame caliber career!

Covert Jay: And he becomes the next number one contender to the World Heavyweight Title!

~~~

Mitchell Dennis: Here is your winner, and STILL the UGWC World Champion, LUUUCCYYYY WYYYLLLLDDDDDEEEEEEEE!!!!

Covert Jay: She did it!

Vinegar: Redemption for Lucy Wylde, as one year after losing in the finals of the Global Challenge, she defeats Montague Cervantes to retain the World Title!

~~~NIGHTMARE AT GNAW BONE~~~

Lieberjosch: This is bullshit. I don’t know why we are out here.

Vinegar: Just, can you please… just do your job?

Lieberjosch: You know what? No, no I can’t.

Covert Jay: C’mon Hans, just be professional.

Lieberjosch: NONE OF THIS IS PROFESSIONAL.

~~~

Monty pivots and lunges! He tackles Ken! They fall through the gap in the railing!!! BOTH MEN ARE FALLING TOWARD THE RAZOR NET BELOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KEN CRASHES HALF A SECOND BEFORE MONTAGUE DOES!!!!!!! BOTH MEN ARE MOTIONLESS AS THE FINAL BELL SOUNDS AND THE CROWD IS ROARING!!!!!!!


DING DING DING!!!


Mitchell Dennis: HERE IS YOUR WINNER……. MONTAGUUUUUUEEEEEEEE CERRRRRRRRVVVAAAAANNNNNTTTTEEEESSSSSSSS

Vinegar: What a shocking ending! Montague Cervantes sacrificing his own body to achieve victory over the number one contender to the World Heavyweight Championship!

Covert Jay: Ken Davison challenges for the World Title in two weeks, but what kind of shape is he going to be in, as BOTH of these men are now being loaded onto stretchers!

Vinegar: My gawd, what a scene it is here. And look at this! What kind of sick man is Montague Cervantes!

~~~

Mitchell Dennis: Here is your winner, and STILL the UGWC World Heavyweight Champion, LUUUCCCYYY WYYYYLLLLLDDDDEEEEE!!!!

Covert Jay: She did it!

Vinegar: Lucy Wylde endures once again! First it was Tempest at Horizons, then Montague Cervantes at Infinity, and now Lucy Wylde survives the Nightmare at Gnaw Bone and remains the World Champion!

Covert Jay: It’s been a hellish evening, but it comes to a close!

~~~SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST~~~

Covert Jay: Clock is ticking…

Lieberjosch: Everett-Bryce is setting up The Conquest!

Vinegar: Just as he completes it, the entire top row goes up in flames!

Covert Jay: They’re dead! They’re dead!

Lieberjosch: An explosion of white, that fire extinguisher still had some juice!

Vinegar: It’s Sebastian, clearing a path for himself!

Lieberjosch: He climbs up, and hefts himself onto the top!

Vinegar: He did it!

Dennis: Your winner, and STILL UGWC Chaos Champion, SEBBBBBASTIAN EVERETTTTTT-BRYCCCCCCCEEEE!!!

~~~

Lieberjosch: INTO THE VOID!!!!

Vinegar: Knox connects, and he collapses onto JC!





ONE!!!





TWO!!!!!





THREE!!!!!!!





Mitchell: Here is your winner, and the Keeper of the Survivor Key, MAAATTTTTT KNNNOOOXXXXXXX!!!!

Vinegar: He did it!

Lieberjosch: Matt Knox has returned to UGWC, and he is now the first ever winner of the Survivor of the Fittest Tournament!

Vinegar: Knox has made his mark, he’s now guaranteed himself a spot in the Keys to the Kingdom match in November, and could end up in the main event of Horizons! What a moment!

~~~

Mitchell Dennis: Here is your winner, and the NEW UGWC World Champion…LUUCCYYYY WYYYLLLLLDDDEEEEEE!!!!!

Covert Jay: She did it!

Vinegar: Lucy Wylde is back on top! She came to Ottawa with a purpose, and now she joins Donovan Hastings, Eden Morgan, and Jet Somers as the only 4-Time UGWC World Champions in history!

~~~BATTLEGROUND~~~

Vinegar: Lucy steadies up once more… CALAMITY FROM THE SKIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Leiberjosch: Lucy stays on for the cover!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mitchell Dennis: Here is your winner and STILLLLLLL UGWC WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONNN….. LUUUUUCCCCCYYYYYYYYY WYYYYYYYYYYYLLLLLDDDDDEEEEE!!!!!!!!

Vinegar: Lucy has done it! She has beaten the Embodiment of Fear!

~~~

Mitchell Dennis: Ladies and Gentlemen, the winner of the 2023 Battleground Match…...DAVE RYYYYDELLLLLLLL!!!!

Lieberjosch: He did it! He really did it!

Covert Jay: Dave Rydell just won Battleground!

Vinegar: It’s quite possibly the biggest moment in the twenty-plus year career of Dave Rydell, and the biggest moment may be yet to come, as he becomes the Keeper of the Battleground Key!

Covert Jay: And that’s not all! He’ll challenge for the World Title at WrestleStock!

Vinegar: The dream may soon become a reality for Dave Rydell!

~~~WRESTLESTOCK~~~

Covert Jay: Avenger pulls Larry up and goes for the Chokeslam!

Vinegar: Larry breaks out and… STARBREAKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lieberjosch: LARRY FALLS RIGHT INTO THE COVER!!!!!!


1!!!



Covert Jay: JASON IS CRAWLING!!!!



2!!!



Vinegar: JASON IS ALMOST THERE!!!!!!!!!!



3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Covert Jay: JASON BREAKS THE COUNT BUT IT’S TOO LATE!!!!!!! LARRY TACT HAS WON!!!!!!



DING DING DING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Mitchell Dennis: Here is your winner of the 2023 WrestleStock Open Tournament… THE TACTILIZING ONE…. LAAARRRRRYYYYYYYYYYY TTTTAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Vinegar: LARRY HAS DONE IT! HE HAS WON THE 2023 WRESTLESTOCK OPEN!!!!!!!

~~~

Jet: Thank you, Gabriel. Alright, ladies and gentlemen, no more stalling her moment to boost her ego even more. Please join me in welcoming your 2023 UGWC Hall of Fame Inductee: EDEN MORGAN-BAAL!!

~~~

Mitchell Dennis: Here is your winner and STILL the UGWC World Champion, LUUCCCYYYY WYYYLLLLLDDDDEEEEEEEE!!!!!

Lieberjosch: She did it!

Vinegar: For the third time, Lucy Wylde has come to WrestleStock as the World Champion, and for the third time she leaves with her reign intact!

Covert Jay: You can’t take anything away from Dave Rydell, he wrestled a nearly perfect match, and he’s not going anywhere, he’s still a Keyholder!

Vinegar: As for Lucy Wylde, she survives again, but her next challenge already lies ahead, six weeks away, when she’ll face Sebastian Everett-Bryce title for title at Chaos in Chelsea!

~~~CHAOS IN CHELSEA~~~

Lieberjosch: They’re both nearly up!

Vinegar: Unbelievable!


NINE!!


Covert Jay: Lucy’s leg gives out!

Lieberjosch: Seb is up!


TEN!!


Mitchell Dennis: Here is your winner and the NEW World Heavyweight Champion, SEBASSTIANNN EVVERRETTTT-BRYYYCCEEEEE!!!!

Lieberjosch: He did it!

Vinegar: Seb collapses, but he was up at the ten count, he’s won the third fall, he’s won this match!

Lieberjosch: What a journey it has been for the Chelsea Crippler, one of the greatest reigns we’ve ever seen, and now in his hometown, he’s once again the World Heavyweight Champion!

Covert Jay: He might be the greatest champion in history!

~~~MASSIVE MELEE~~~

Covert Jay: THE MONEY MAKER!!!

Vinegar: Wallace gets to his feet as this crowd is in a fever pitch, pulls Pierce up, and goes to toss him out!

Lieberjosch: Pierce reverses positions and sends Vain soaring over the ropes!

Covert Jay: But Vain grabs the ropes and holds on, just barely avoiding elimination, he rolls back in!

Vinegar: Wallace has Pierce from behind, and he grabs him and throws him out!

Mitchell Dennis: Here is your winner, and the Keeper of the Massive Melee Key, VAIN ALLLLANNNN WALLLLLLAAAACCCCCEEEEEE!!!!

Vinegar: What a comeback it has been for Alan Wallace, as he has just secured himself the Massive Melee Key, and could be on a path to Horizons!

~~~KEYS TO THE KINGDOM~~~

Vinegar: And now Seb reaches through the higher rungs of the ladder, he’s got Tact by the head, twists him as pulls his head through the rungs!

Lieberjosch: NIGHTFALL!!!

Vinegar: Seb applying the Nightfall hold with Tact stuck in the ladder!

Covert Jay: There are over 697 different scenarios that it can be applied in! This is #429.

Lieberjosch: Tact fading, I think he might be out!

Vinegar: Seb leaves Tact trapped in the ladder, and now he climbs the other side!

Lieberjosch: Tact isn’t moving!

Vinegar: Seb’s at the top of the ladder, grabs the title!

Lieberjosch: He’s got it!

Mitchell Dennis: Here is your winner, and STILL the World Heavyweight Champion, SEEEBBBASSSSTTTIIAANNNNN EVVVERRRRETTTTT BRRRYYYYYYCCCCCEEEE!!!!

Covert Jay: He doth won!

Vinegar: The Empire reigns supreme and continues its path towards Horizons!

~~~

Lieberjosch: Zane turns around, and Vain is charging right at him!

Covert Jay: CURTAIN CALL!!!!

Vinegar: Wallace back to his feet, he’s got the fourth key into the lock, and he opens the case and takes the contract!

Mitchell Dennis: Here is your winner, and the 2023 Keymaster, VAIN ALLLLANNNN WALLLLLAAAACCCCCEEEEE!!!!

Vinegar: What a comeback story it has been for Alan Wallace! He returns at WrestleStock, goes on to win the Massive Melee, and now he’ll have the match of his choice at Horizons!

Lieberjosch: It would have been unthinkable six months ago, but we could see Vain back in the main event of the biggest show of the year!

~~~SYNERGY #418~~~

Alan: After much consternation, and more than a couple relatively sleepless nights, I think I have just the match for us, Sebastian. It's a match I have a bit of experience in, yet a match that doesn't happen all that often. And honestly… rightfully so, because it is a match that will mark you to your very soul. Your wrestling ability is going to do minimal good in this match, Sebastian… though your success in the Chaos division could likely pay huge dividends. Because next Monday, live right here in fucking Chicago, Illinois, it's going to be 'Vain' Alan Wallace challenging Sebastian Everett-Bryce for the UGWC World Heavyweight Championship…

The smile quickly fades from the face of 'Vanity at its Finest', and his eyes narrow. His nostrils begin to flare, as his jaw begins to slightly twitch.

Alan: … in a Valhalla Burial Match!

~~~HORIZONS~~~

[UGWC Staff]

Vinegar: Welcome to Horizons!

Covert Jay: HUTTAH!!

Lieberjosch: Hard to believe another year has come and gone, but we are here in the United Center, and it is time for the biggest show of the year!

Vinegar: Six big matches, three championships on the line, and it all leads to the Valhalla Burial Match for the World Championship between the champion Sebastian Everett-Bryce, and this year's Keymaster, Alan Wallace.

Covert Jay: Two of the greatest Entertainment Professionals go head to head as Donovan Hastings takes on Travis Pierce!

Lieberjosch: Best friends have turned bitter enemies, and it comes to a head as JC faces Matt Knox, and one will end up buried alive!

Vinegar: Zane Scott defends the Cross-Hemisphere Title against the upstart, Gideon Thornfield, meanwhile the Avenger will defends the Chaos Championship against no less than six challengers!

Covert Jay: But we begin with what we're claiming is a Triple Threat Match!



Mitchell Dennis: The following contest is a triple threat match, set for one fall! Introducing first, already in the ring, THE NEWWWW AGGGEEEE SANNNNNDWIIIICHHHHHH!!!!

Vinegar: It’s a Ham Sandwich!

Covert Jay: No, it’s a Tuna-vicious Sandwich!

Lieberjosch: It’s Horizons, we couldn’t have put this on the pre-show?

Vinegar: In any case, the sandwich has been placed on a plate in the corner of the ring by Alice Nasmith.

The Time is Now hit's to play as he walks out on stage. He talks to the camera man and bounces a little. He holds up his “Never Give Up” logo flag and tosses it to the fans. He salutes and runs straight down towards the ring. He bounces off the ropes side to side and he holds up his “Hustle, Loyalty, and Respect” shirt. He takes off his hat and tosses his shirt to the fans and hands his Chain to the ref to begin to fight.

Mitchell Dennis: Now entering the ring, the Surgeon of Thuganomics, JOHHHNNN BLLLAAAAAADDDEEEEEEE!!!!

Vinegar: John Blade making his Horizons debut, and if he leaves with the victory tonight, that’s something that can never be taken away from him.

The lights plunge the arena into darkness as “Die Eier von Satan” blares through the arena. Strobes flash in time with the weird and creepy video. A few seconds in he comes leaping out onto the stage, nearly trips over his own feet and comes dangerously close to falling off of the stage. He walks to the top of the ramp and looks out over the crowd. He tries to look scary and menacing, but fails because he seems to forget that he’s wearing a mask. He barely manages to walk down the ramp without hurting himself, almost falls off of the ring steps and then trips over the middle rope as he tries to get into the ring. He tries to climb the ropes, but isn’t strong enough to pull himself up and eventually settles for posing in the middle of the ring.

Mitchell Dennis: And their opponent, THE DARK DESTRRROOYYYYYERRRRRRRRR!!!!

Covert Jay: Did you know it has actually been four years since the Dark Destroyer made his Horizons debut?

Lieberjosch: I wish I didn’t.

DING DING!!!

Vinegar: The Dark Destroyer runs right into a right hand from John Blade, who waves him up and knocks him down with another.

Covert Jay: The New Age Sandwich looks vivacious and delicious as it bides its time.

Vinegar: Blade comes off the ropes and looks for a shoulder block, but the Dark Destroyer trips and Blade trips over him, tumbling under the bottom rope and falling to the outside.

Lieberjosch: You know what, I refuse.

Vinegar: The Dark Destroyer looks around, and he spots the New Age Sandwich!

Covert Jay: He starts crawling towards the delicious dish!

Vinegar: If he eats the Sandwich, does that qualify as a submission?

Covert Jay: Possibly, but either way Hans looks like he’s tapping out here next to us.

Lieberjosch: This is Horizons!

Covert Jay: You know now that I’m thinking about it, I think if you try to eat it and choke on it, that’s a submission too, the other way.

Vinegar: The Dark Destroyer grabs the Sandwich, but he violently recoils!

Covert Jay: He must be allergic!

Vinegar: To what?

Covert Jay: Maybe there are sesame seeds?

Vinegar: John Blade is back in the ring, and he picks the Dark Destroyer up into a fireman’s carry, and transitions into a powerslam!

Covert Jay: And now Blade picks up the plate with the New Age Sandwich, he holds it overhead and looks around at the crowd!

Vinegar: Blade tells the Sandwich it can’t see him!

Covert Jay: But the Dark Destroyer rolls into Blade’s legs, he falls backwards!

Vinegar: The plate smacks him in the face!

Covert Jay: And the New Age Sandwich lands on top of him! That’s a cover!





ONE!!!





TWO!!!!!





THREE!!!!!!!





Mitchell Dennis: Here is your winner, the NEWWWW AGGGEEEEE SANNNNDDDWIICCCHHHH!!!!

Covert Jay: The New Age Sandwich wins!

Vinegar: Of all the Horizons opening matches in history, this was one of them!

Lieberjosch: Incredible. Can we start Horizons now?

[UGWC Staff]

Vinegar: We continue here at Horizons with our first championship match of the evening!

The arena dims into darkness as Two Steps From Hell's Black Blade starts to play, echoing through the venue. The crowd hushes in anticipation. Suddenly, the entrance ramp is bathed in a dim, regal purple light. Smoke billows, and from the mist emerges Gideon Percival Thornfield, wearing an elaborate, aristocratic robe adorned with intricate patterns. He walks with calculated confidence, every step echoing authority and poise. At his side is his confidant, Oliver Neville, dressed impeccably and carrying a polished cane.

Mitchell Dennis: Ladies and gentlemen, this contest, set for one fall is for the Cross-Hemisphere Championship! Introducing first, the challenger, hailing from the opulent Thornfield Manor, standing at 6'2" and weighing in at 205 pounds, The Cunning Earl, GIDEON PERCIVAL THOORRRRNNNNNFIIEEELLLLDDDD!!!

Gideon stops at the top of the ramp, surveying the arena with a disdainful yet composed expression. He slowly removes his robe, revealing his wrestling attire, while Oliver Neville stands by his side, ever watchful. Gideon descends the stairs with purpose, his eyes fixed on the ring. As he enters the ring, Gideon elegantly steps through the ropes.

Vinegar: Thornfield is still a newcomer to UGWC, but enters Horizons with a tremendous opportunity.

Lieberjosch: Gideon calls himself the Black Blade, we’ll see how sharp of a blade he is tonight, and he faces his first true test, and it’s quite a hill to climb.

Zane Scott appears on the stage with the Cross-Hemisphere Title secure around his waist, and glares at Thornfield as he comes down the ramp to the ring.

Mitchell Dennis: And his opponent, he is the reigning AND defending Cross-Hemisphere Champion, from Poughkeepsie, New York, standing at 6’6” and weighing in at 265 pounds, the Professional, ZAAAAAANNEEE SCCCCOOOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!

Vinegar: It has been a resurgent year for Zane Scott, beginning when he won the Global Challenge back at Infinity.

Covert Jay: Zane won the Cross-Hemisphere Title at WrestleStock by defeating JC, and his defenses since then have included both Fear and Rydell, two iconic former holders of the championship.

DING DING!!

Vinegar: Thornfield appears on no rush to begin the match, studying Zane Scott from across the ring.

Covert Jay: Zane’s content to let him take a long look, no lack of confidence tonight in the Cross-Hemisphere Champion.

Lieberjosch: Zane offers a test of strength, Gideon knows better than to take him up on it.

Vinegar: Thornfield instead opts for a double elbow tie-up, attempting to grapple for position, but Scott simply overpowers him and shoves him to the mat. Thornfield rolls away and grabs the bottom rope, pulling himself to the outside, taking a moment to confer with Oliver Neville.

Lieberjosch: I spoke with Gideon Thornfield backstage earlier today, and questioned whether his lack of experience would be a factor in this match. Let me tell you, this kid is as confident as it gets, and while that might be unearned at this point in his career, I doubt that will be the case for long.

Vinegar: Thornfield climbs up on the apron and starts to step back into the ring, but backs out and drops to ringside as Scott approaches.

Covert Jay: Mind games now from the Noble Manipulator, but Zane is generally impervious to such tactics.

Vinegar: Thornfield again back up on the apron, staring at the referee and attempting to give him an instruction, Scott lunges at Thornfield, but Thornfield grabs him by the head and steps back off the apron, dropping Scott neck first into the top rope!

Lieberjosch: Gideon suckered him in there, might have a viable plan after all.

Vinegar: Scott stumbles back towards the center of the ring, as Thornfield slides in behind him and delivers a chop block to the back of the knee!

Covert Jay: Brian Chartreuse admonishes him, but Gideon ignores it as he stomps repeatedly on the knee of the felled champion, now pulls him into a snap suplex, floats directly into the cover!





ONE!!!





Vinegar: Scott shoves him off!

Lieberjosch: And Zane goes directly to his own braced knee, adjusting the brace, as Gideon watches from several feet away.

Vinegar: Thornfield rushes in with a kick targeting the knee, but Scott catches it, shoving the leg away, before springing to his feet and flooring Thornfield with a clothesline.

Lieberjosch: And now Zane goes to work on Thornfield, grabbing him by the wrist and yanking the arm up before stomping on his shoulder.

Vinegar: Scott hooks in a full nelson and yanks Thornfield up, delivering a series of knee strikes to the back before hurling Thornfield to the ground in the corner.

Covert Jay: Zane rolls to the outside and grabs Gideon’s arm, placing it into the bottom turnbuckle and pulling it through, trapping it.

Vinegar: Scott back into the ring as Thornfield can’t get himself free, and Scott stomps on the arm as Thornfield cries out in pain!

Lieberjosch: And now Zane crosses the ring, he’s going to get himself a running start here, he’ll separate Gideon’s shoulder for sure!

Covert Jay: Neville reaches under the bottom rope with his cane and trips him up before he can go!

Vinegar: Brian Chartreuse never saw it, he was fixated on the trapped challenger, and the delay gives Thornfield time to free himself!

Lieberjosch: Zane is glaring at Neville as he gets back to his feet, and the distraction gives Thornfield an opening, as he charges and splashes Zane against the corner!

Vinegar: Scott stumbles out of the corner, and Thornfield drops him with a DDT!

Covert Jay: I thought Gideon was going to go for the cover, but he’s not, he’s going for the brace!

Vinegar: Thornfield working on Scott’s knee brace, he’s got it loose and yanks it off!

Lieberjosch: Gideon drags Zane by the leg to the ropes, puts his leg on the bottom rope, leaps up and delivers a massive stomp to the unbraced knee!

Vinegar: Now it’s Zane Scott that’s in pain, as he holds the knee, and there’s a sinister smile on the face of the challenger.

Lieberjosch: Gideon pulling Zane up by the head, but Zane springs to his feet, lifting Gideon into a stun gun onto the top rope, following up with a brutal clothesline!

Vinegar: Scott wincing in pain as he’s down after that as well, but he manages to get back to his feet and grabs the prone challenger by both arms.

Covert Jay: SALT THE EARTH!!!!!

Vinegar: Thornfield is viciously curb stomped into the mat, and Scott goes to shoot the half into the cover, but Oliver Neville is on the apron, arguing with the referee!

Lieberjosch: Zane has the cover, confused about the lack of count, and he pounds his fist on the mat with frustration when he sees what’s going on!

Vinegar: Scott to his feet, and Neville drops off the apron as he approaches. Scott warns him not to do it again, then turns his attention back to Thornfield.

Covert Jay: INSIDE CRADLE!!!





ONE!!!





TWO!!!!!





Vinegar: Scott kicks out!

Lieberjosch: Both men to their feet, but Zane smacks him with a two-handed sledge strike to the face!

Vinegar: Scott lifts Thornfield into a fireman’s carry position, but Thornfield floats off the back, grabs Scott!

Lieberjosch: MINDBREAKER!!!

Vinegar: Thornfield has the cover!





ONE!!!





TWO!!!!!





THR-NO!!!!!!!!!!!





Vinegar: Scott gets the shoulder up before the three, and Gideon Thornfield can’t believe it!

Lieberjosch: Gideon has had a masterful strategy in this match, he can’t afford to lose focus now!

Vinegar: Sounds like Oliver Neville is telling him as much from the outside, and now Thornfield starts to bring Scott back up, but Scott catches him with a kick to the gut that drops him to his knees!

Covert Jay: KNEED TO NO!!!

Vinegar: Using the unbraced knee, Zane Scott looks to be in agony, but he shrugs it off, lifts Thornfield into position!

Covert Jay: IN COLD BLOOD!!!

Vinegar: Scott collapses on top of Thornfield!





ONE!!!





TWO!!!!!





THREE!!!!!!!





Mitchell Dennis: Here is your winner, and STILL the Cross-Hemisphere Champion, ZAAAAAANEEE SCCCCCOOTTTTTTT!!!!

Vinegar: Zane Scott retains, he survives the tactics and mind games of Gideon Thornfield!

Lieberjosch: It’s back to the drawing board for Gideon Thornfield, but if tonight is any indication, the next plan will be a good one!

Covert Jay: The clustermess is up next, don’t go anywhere!

[UGWC Staff]

We go to the Hipster Announce-lectern with Holden Orson.

Orson: The most mainstream thing you can do at your most mainstream pay per view is have guest commentary. However, I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to show off this antique, Scandinavian…

“Phucking Phreak” plays as Fear slinks down to the ring. He shoots Holden a pointed glance before climbing into the ring.

Orson: He’ll pay for that… Like I was saying; I’ve been press-ganged into calling the Chaos Clustermess, your typical, absolutely bottom of the barrel big show, big match. The one where you have to get as many names as possible on the Horizons card, so you cram them…

The arena goes black. The opening chords of "Undead" by Hollywood Undead blare over the Arena PA system. One by one, spotlights around the arena begin fading in and out, alternating between a bright white and deep purple tones. As the bass line kicks into its highly recognized bone jarring chorus the spotlights sync their flashing with the rhythm. Suddenly the spotlights all turn at once, illuminating the stage in a brilliant flash and a radiating glow. Lucy Wylde steps out from behind the curtain onto center stage just as the crowd begins to cheer and sing along with the song...


UNDEAD!!!!!

UNDEAD!!!!!

UNDEAD!!!!!

UNDEAD!!!!!


As the verse begins, Lucy begins walking towards the ring, a big smile on her face as she moves from side to side along the aisle - slapping the hands of the fans as she goes. She gets to ringside and runs up the ring steps, climbing into the ring and ascending the far turnbuckle, raising her arms into the air. She pulls a pair of fingerless leather gloves from her back pocket and puts them on, one by one. Her music begins to fade into the background of the cheers of the fans. Once both gloves are tight, she clenches both fists and jumps down from the turnbuckle, awaiting the opening bell.

Orson: Alright, so this one is the one who should actually be challenging The Avenger tonight, one on one. I know the instant rematch is something this company shies away from, and I can respect that, but you have to commend her for trying something different with the division.

Feuer Frei by Rammstein plays over the sound system as Konrad comes out through the curtain with his flanged German mace with him, acting erratic with an angry look on his face, rising the flanged German mace in the air, wearing red and black skull face paint on the right side of his face with a red and black suit hoodie over his head he wears with pieces of flame blood designed all over them. He also has a penguin, walrus and a polar bear stitching on the left-hand side of his chest on his gear, stating Stop Climate Change. He also wears black boots along with Red and Black Gloves on his hands before he crouches down on the floor with the flanged German mace in front of him, looking at the ring with evil intentions.

Mitchell Dennis: “From Cologne, Germany, he is Burned In Blood, Konrad Raab!”

After the announcement, Konrad picks up his flanged German mace and slowly walks to the ring with a massive amount of boos before Konrad runs up the steps and goes underneath the ropes. As he's in the ring, Konrad without showing any sign of acknowledgement from the fans, lays the flanged German mace on the turnbuckle, then sits in the corner of the ring with the crowd booing him, having a nasty look in his eyes, flicking his fists as if he's already ready to fight, with ring staff taking Konrad's flanged German mace away, waiting for the match to start as he takes his hoodie off from his head.

Orson: Not that this guy would agree. I’ve got to be honest, I’m curious to see what Raab would do with it.

"In the Face of Evil" by Magic Sword reverberates over the PA. Row after row, aisle to aisle, those members of the Coalition in attendance rise to their feet throughout the arena and cheer, knowing one of their workhorses is about to appear!

As the second, third, and fourth chords of the theme reverberates, three spotlights shine down, one over another: A green circle, a gold triangle over it, and a crimson line intersecting the other two. On the Tron, his monikers cycle through one after another:

TACTILIZING ONE

GAME CHANGER

SAGE OF THE SQUARED CIRCLE

From there, the beat triggers the house lights to illuminate the figure of Larry Tact, standing on stage, looking down as he hones in for the battle ahead.

Larry whips his head up and trudges to one side of the stage, firing up the fans by throwing his arms in the air at them. He then goes to the other side of the stage and beats his chest before opening his arms to the reaction of the Coalition, who hoot and holler back. "GAME ON!" Larry bellows as his arms point around at the crowd. He then returns to center stage and makes his way down to the ring, pounding fists with some fans at ringside before hanging onto the middle rope and pulling himself up onto the apron.

He turns and faces the stands, opening his arms up and making a ‘T’ shape, puffing his chest out. Wiping his boots on the apron, Tact proceeds into the ring. He climbs a turnbuckle and again holds his arms out. “LET’S GO!!!” he exclaims to another pop before descending and making his final preparations for the match.

Orson: My pick to win. I don’t have to explain why. It’s because he has a mole on his krelbow shaped like Lake Titicaca.

Orson: Scoff. Excellent, time to piss. BRB

Ezra Wolf makes his way out of the curtain as ‘California Love’ by A Joker’s Rage comes blaring out of the speakers and pauses at the top of the ramp. He heads towards the ring, slapping hands and singing along to his entrance music. He walks up the stairs and hops onto the apron before stepping up onto the middle turnbuckle. He pauses to play the air guitar a bit before stepping on the top rope and jumping into the ring. As he lands, he rolls forward and ends up on one knee in the center of the ring. Ezra throws his arms and head back, letting out a primal scream before tearing off his entrance gear. He hands it to the ring attendant then takes a knee in his corner as he waits for the match to begin.

Orson: Dammit, did I miss A Boy Named Jess entrance?? I had quite a bit to say about our newest mystery person. Maybe I have time to…

Orson: And here we have the superhero, recently crowned Chaos Champion. The one he dethroned is in the mix tonight, but it’s possible for neither of them to be involved in the finish. Welcome to your Horizons moment.

Crowd: ~getting amped~

Orson: Alright, here we go. As expected, everyone immediately vacates the ring in every direction. We’ve got a scramble for weapons, here, let’s see… ABNJ has a kendo stick, Lucy has a chair. Konrad is clearing off the Cantonese Announce table, but Ezra just folded him over it with a big trashcan. Ezra sweeps Konrad’s legs and dumps the can over his head, giving it a kick to secure it. After that, he attempts a pin!

One…




Two…





Orson: Konrad kicks out and saves us from a disappointing finish. Oh, forgot to mention, this match is one fall. Two thirds of them won’t be involved in the finish, and all the drama that’s going to cause. On the other side of the ring, we’ve got ABNJ and Larry Tact engaged in a tug of war with that kendo stick. Tact overpowers him and uses the butt of the kendo stick to put dents into his head. Jess crumples, and Larry attempts a pinfall!


One…

..Jess kicks out at one!


Orson: Couple of early close calls. They’re all going to have to keep their heads on a Revolving Windsor Armchair. Avenger has been duking it out with Deimos, each of them demonstrating a respectable pugilistic knowledge. Deimos overcomes Avenger by blowing powder into his face, then hits The Numbing to cover!

One…



Two…

Orson: Point proven, Jess broke that up with a huge kneedrop off the apron, braced by a trashcan lid! The three of them reel around in pain, Vengy wiping at his eyes frantically. What the f… someone just farted into the bluetooth. Anyway, I missed how, but the Chaos Champ got to his feet first, and he appears to have vision, though his eyes are definitely irritated. ABNJ now getting up to square up with Avenger, but Wolf hits a flying crossbody that takes them both back down. Behind him, Fear rises.

Crowd: Ho-ly-shit! Ho-ly-shit!

Orson: For a crossbody? In a Chaos match? Really? Oh, shit here comes Konrad, shooting star press into the pile of bodies below.

Crowd: ~general excitement~

Orson: Appropriate response for a suicide move into a pile of bodies. We’ve got a brawl breaking out near the Dothraki announce table. Arms and kicks are flying, and hands are shooting out to grab anything that isn’t nailed down. Raab and Jess are trading blows, as are Fear and Wolf. Avenger takes the opportunity to take a powder. Not the powder in his eyes, but, you know…

Crowd: Let’s go Vengy!
-clap clap clap clap clap-

Orson: Of course you sheep cheer for the champion. Speaking of which, he’s composed himself enough to climb back into the ring. ABNJ gets the better of Raab, hitting Identity Crisis just as Wolf impales Fear with Kill the Noise. Jess was a second faster on the finisher, giving him a moment of initiative over the REW. He uses it to hit Ezra with Echoes, then scoops up the ring steps. He’s raising them over his head, ready to finish off the former Conquest Champion.

Crowd: Deafening Pop

Orson: Did you all just shout ‘Deafening Pop’ in unison? I… my disgust for groupthink is slightly abated. Oh, SCREAMING OVERREACTION, SCREAMING OVERREACTION! Avenger just hit a Superhero Landing onto the steps Jess was holding up, crushing him beneath! East is letting him know that Jess is not in a position beneath the stairs to have his shoulders down. Vengy looks around quickly, and spies Deimos starting to stir. He leaps, nailing Fear with a Caped Crusade. He covers.


One…





Two…




Three!!!

Dennis: Your winner, and still UGWC CHAOS CHAMPION, THE AVENGER!!

Orson: That wasn’t half bad. Wait, where did Larry and Lucy go…?

[UGWC Staff]

Vinegar: What a night it’s already been here at Horizons, and the best is still to come!

The stage pyro blows, and as the music softens Travis Pierce emerges from backstage and makes his way down the ramp to the ring.

Mitchell Dennis: The following contest is set for one fall! Introducing first, the Icon of Entertainment, TRRRRRAVVISSS PIEEERRRRRRCCCEEEEEEE!!!!

Vinegar: Travis Pierce is looking for redemption tonight, after his frustration at not being selected as the opponent for Alan Wallace.

Lieberjosch: Which is a match that Pierce insisted for months that he wanted nothing to do with. You ask me, this is a better spot for Pierce anyway, if he can defeat Donovan Hastings at Horizons, he locks himself back in as a top contender headed into 2024.

Donovan Hastings appears on the stage, his cloak flowing behind him as he walks down the ramp.

Mitchell Dennis: And his opponent, the Lord of Pain, DONNNOVVANNN HAAAAAAASSSTTINNNGGSSSSSS!!!!

Vinegar: Hastings using his old “Ripper” music here tonight, perhaps a message to Pierce about what he has in store for him tonight.

Covert Jay: Pierce poked the beehive, he might be about to come up against the Lord of Pain in his most vicious form.

DING DING!!!!

Vinegar: Pierce and Hastings stare at each other across the ring, and the circle around each other and lock up.

Lieberjosch: Hastings pulls Pierce into a side headlock, but Pierce shoves him away, and Hastings bounces off the ropes and knocks Pierce down with a shoulder block.

Vinegar: Hastings tries to quickly put Pierce into the Hands of Fate, but Pierce slips out before it can be locked in and rolls out of the ring.

Lieberjosch: Pierce paces at ringside and stares at Hastings, then slowly climbs back in.

Vinegar: They circle again around the ring and lock up, and Hastings pulls Pierce back into a side headlock, but Pierce forces him into the ropes and whips him across the ring.

Lieberjosch: Pierce drops to the mat as Hastings bounces back and hops over him, and Pierce tries to catch Hastings off the ropes with an arm takedown, but Hastings blocks it.

Covert Jay: Pierce grabs Hastings by the leg, but Hastings gets his balance and knocks Pierce away with a mule kick with his free leg.

Vinegar: Both men pop to their feet and Hastings knocks Pierce down with a right hand.

Lieberjosch: Pierce staggers up into the ropes and Hastings goes to whip him across the ring, but Pierce reverses it and catches Hastings off the ropes into a sleeper hold.

Covert Jay: Pierce tries to squeeze the air out of Hastings, but Hastings drops down and arm drags out of it.

Vinegar: Both men pop up and Pierce goes to kick Hastings in the chest, but Hastings catches the leg and takes Pierce down with a dragon screw, standing into a takeover into a cloverleaf, but Pierce grabs the ropes immediately.

Lieberjosch: The Lord of Pain has gone repeatedly to submission holds, using his technical repertoire to try to break Pierce down.

Vinegar: Hastings breaks the hold and Pierce gets up, and the circle around again, and Pierce catches Hastings with a kick to the chest, then grabs Hastings and shoves him shoulder first into the ringpost.

Lieberjosch: Pierce delivers several clubbing blows to the back of Hastings, then stomps him down into the corner.

Vinegar: Pierce pulls Hastings up into a snap suplex, right into a cover!





ONE!!!





Vinegar: Hastings kicks out!

Lieberjosch: Pierce pulls Hastings up and slams him headfirst into the turnbuckle, then tears into him with stiff chops.

Vinegar: Hastings chops him back, breaking out of the corner and slapping Pierce into the adjacent turnbuckle.

Lieberjosch: Hastings goes to whip Pierce across the ring, but Pierce reverses it and charges, and Hastings catches him with a boot to the face.

Vinegar: Pierce staggers away, and Hastings clotheslines him down to the back of the head.

Lieberjosch: Hastings whips Pierce off the ropes and flips him to the mat with a knee to the midsection.

Vinegar: Hastings pulls Pierce up and chops him into the corner, then whips him into the opposite corner.

Lieberjosch: Pierce staggers out of the corner, and Hastings grabs him to whip him into the ropes, but Pierce pulls out of it and lifts Hastings up, dropping him chest first onto the ropes.

Vinegar: Hastings lands and stands on the apron, trying to catch his breath, and Pierce goes after him, but Hastings grabs him and steps off the apron, pulling Pierce neck first into the ropes, and knocking him down.

Lieberjosch: Hastings gets onto the apron and pulls Pierce out with him, and they brawl on the apron.

Vinegar: Hastings nails Pierce with a right hand, then grabs him and DDTs him right onto the apron!

Lieberjosch: Pierce drops like a rock to ringside, and Hastings grabs him and rolls him back in.

Vinegar: Hastings slides into the ring and covers!





ONE!!!





TWO!!!!!





Vinegar: Pierce kicks out!

Vinegar: Hastings starts to pull Pierce up but Pierce grabs him and hits the Breakdown, and both men are down!

Covert Jay: Both men giving it their all here at Horizons!

Vinegar: Pierce slowly staggers to his feet, and he tries to lift Hastings for Signing Off, but Hastings floats off, then takes Pierce down into the Hands of Fate! Hands of Fate to Pierce, and Pierce is in terrible pain!

Lieberjosch: He stretches, fights, and crawls, and he manages to grab hold of the ropes!

Vinegar: Hastings releases the hold and stands and pulls Pierce up, then goes to whip him across the ring, but Pierce reverses it and catches Hastings off the ropes with an overhead belly to belly suplex!

Lieberjosch: Pierce staggers to his feet and pulls Hastings up, then hurls him through the ropes to the outside, and Pierce takes a brief breather before rolling out of the ring.

Covert Jay: Those submission holds from Hastings are wearing Pierce down. He needs to collect himself and stay on Hastings, he won’t stay down for long.

Vinegar: Pierce pulls Hastings up, then lifts him and drops him on the barricade.

Lieberjosch: Pierce stomps on Hastings, then rolls him into the ring.

Vinegar: Pierce rolls in and pulls Hastings up into a thunderous clothesline, and the cover!





ONE!!!





TWO!!!!!





Lieberjosch: Hastings emphatically kicks out but Pierce pulls Hastings right into a full nelson!

Vinegar: Hastings fights and rolls onto his knees, but Pierce tries to hold the full nelson, but Hastings manages to stand them up and arm drag out of the hold.

Lieberjosch: Hastings gets up and bounces off the ropes, but Pierce is up and catches him with a belly to belly suplex.

Vinegar: Pierce pulls Hastings up into a side suplex, then pulls him into a side headlock, trying to get control of him, but Hastings drags them to their feet and elbows the gut of Pierce, and Pierce releases the hold and staggers Hastings with a right hand.

Lieberjosch: Pierce whips Hastings off the ropes, and Hastings ducks a clothesline from Pierce and hits the far ropes, and they take each other down with a double clothesline, and both men are down again!


Covert Jay: Alice Nasmith starting the ten count, but nobody wants to see that count get to ten here. Horizons demands a winner!

Lieberjosch: Nasmith counts anyway, and it takes until nine before Pierce finally manages to get to his feet.

Vinegar: Pierce goes after Hastings as Hastings staggers up, but Hastings blocks the punch and knocks him back with one of his own.

Lieberjosch: Pierce swings for another right hand, but Hastings blocks it and chops Pierce back into the ropes, then whips him across the ring and into a shoulder block.

Vinegar: Hastings whips Pierce off the ropes into a back body drop, then wraps him up in a waistlock and hits a german suplex.

Lieberjosch: Hastings maintains the hold, but Pierce breaks out of it and cuts behind Hastings for a german suplex of his own.

Vinegar: Pierce maintains the hold and pulls Hastings up for another, but Hastings breaks it and cuts behind Pierce for a release german suplex.

Covert Jay: Hastings goes to the top rope, but Pierce runs and ninjas onto the second rope, nailing a belly to belly off the top rope!

Vinegar: Pierce crawls over and covers!





ONE!!!





TWO!!!!!





Vinegar: Hastings gets the shoulder up!

Lieberjosch: Pierce uses the ropes to pull himself up as Hastings staggers back to his feet.

Covert Jay: Hastings charges, but Pierce backdrops Hastings over the ropes and he takes an ugly bump to ringside.

Vinegar: Pierce climbs the turnbuckle, points at Hastings as he lays at ringside, and leaps for the Piercing Blow, but Hastings rolls out of the way and Pierce crashes hard to ringside, and it looks like Pierce landed badly on his right leg!

Lieberjosch: Pierce screams in pain, and he tries to get up but has trouble getting to his feet with the injured leg.

Vinegar: Hastings is up and grabs Pierce, slamming him face first into the steel steps, and Pierce is busted open!

Lieberjosch: Pierce is bleeding from the forehead, Hastings is just breaking him apart a piece at a time here, and now Hastings rolls him into the ring.

Vinegar: Hastings takes a moment to catch a breather at ringside, then slowly climbs into the ring. He walks towards Pierce, but Pierce suddenly toe holds him down, and Pierce goes for a crossface, but Hastings rolls out of it.

Lieberjosch: Hastings tries to get to his feet, but Pierce stands and lifts him for Signing Off, but Pierce’s leg gives way beneath him, and he falters, allowing Hastings to float off.

Vinegar: Hastings grabs Pierce and goes for Destiny’s Call, but before he can complete it Pierce drops out and rolls Hastings up!





ONE!!!





TWO!!!!!





Vinegar: Hastings kicks out!

Covert Jay: And he transitions right into the Hands of Fate!

Vinegar: Hastings has Pierce in the Hands of Fate, center of the ring!

Lieberjosch: Pierce has nowhere to go, blood running down his face, ropes out of reach!

Vinegar: HE TAPS OUT!!!!

Mitchell Dennis: Here is your winner, DOONNNOOVAANNNNN HAAAASSSSSSTTTINNNNGGGSS!!!!

Vinegar: Hastings wins!

Lieberjosch: Pierce gave it his all, but he was up against the Lord of Pain in full Ripper mode tonight!

Covert Jay: And at long last, Travis Pierce officially goes on the List of Hastings!

Vinegar: Hard hitting action here at Horizons, and we’ve got two matches still to come!

Covert Jay: Don’t go anywhere!

[UGWC Staff]

The house lights cut out, a single Raven cries out soon joined by another, then another until the cries of an entire unkindness fill the house sound system, soon broken by "Hell Broke Luce" by Tom Waits cutting through, the house lights coming up to a dull blue as a single white strobe light pulses in time to the song's percussion. Standing in the middle of that pulsing light, back to the ring, stands Matthew Knox adorned in his ring gear and a sleeveless hoodie. Arms outstretched like a bird in flight he pivots on a heel and begins making his way to the ring, sliding under the bottom rope and picking a corner to charge and leap upon to scream the audience into a frenzy. He takes a lap around the ring, before kneeling in a corner and patiently waiting for the ring bell to sound.



Mitchell Dennis: This match is the BURIED ALIVE match! The only way to win is to take your opponent to the grave, place them inside and cover them with dirt until they are….BURIED ALIVE! Introducing first…the Raven, MAAAATTTTTTTT KNNOOOOOXXXXXXX!!!!

The lights suddenly drop, and in the silence, Ghost's "Hunter's Moon" to play with its haunting melody.



The music builds and lights flash, leading up to the chorus, signaling an arrival.



Though my memories have faded

They come back to haunt me once again

And though my mind is somewhat jaded now

It's time for me to strike again tonight

It's a hunter's moon



'The Bogeyman' JC steps out onto the stage, staring out at the audience and wearing a Michael Myers mask over his head, having embraced his new ghoulish persona. He watches the crowd react to him and then begins walking steadily to the ring. He enters the ring and climbs up to the middle rope, before ripping the mask off of his head and staring out at the audience. He then returns to the ring and prepares for his match.



Mitchell Dennis: And his opponent…he is The Bogeyman….JAAAAAAAYYYY CEEEEEEE!



Matthew stands almost lazily across the ring from JC, ignoring the referee’s prompts to meet his opponent in the middle. He stares at JC soberly before reaching into his shirt pocket, producing a pack of smokes and plucking one. The fans begin to get restless as he lights up, taking one puff from the cigarette and walking up to meet JC in the middle of the ring finally. He tilts his head back, blowing the plume of smoke into the air as JC stares him down…..



He then hauls off and slaps JC across the face! The fans gasp as JC eats the hit, his head snapping to one side before slowly rotating back. Matthew stares up at him defiantly and makes no move to dodge the right cross that JC sends into his jaw, sending him stumbling into the ropes. JC remains on Knox, snagging him in a uranage that shakes the ring with the impact it makes.



He sets to putting the boots to Knox until satisfied enough to lift him and throw him out over the top rope. JC wastes no time, barely giving Knox the time to get to his hands and knees before snatching him by the hair and hurling him into the ring steps with a savage yell. The steps come apart, the top part toppling over with a clatter. Knox writhes in pain, sprawled out on the lower half of the steps.



JC observes his work, but only for a breath. He lifts Knox up once more onto his shoulders and…SOLITAIRE UNRAVELING ONTO THE RING STEPS! Knox arches away, rolling onto his stomach and gasping for breath. But JC isn’t done! He hauls up the ring steps.



JC raises them high over his head and brings them down savagely….Onto the base of the steps! Knox rolls out of the way, but just barely. He crawls to the ring, pulling himself up with the bottom rope and running to face Joe in time to put his forearms up and block the ring steps the big man had hauled up and shot put at him! The impact crushes Matthew between the apron and the steps, sending him crumpling once more.



JC begins to circle him now, screaming insults at his former partner who stares past him up at the lights. JC, disgusted, bends down and goes to pull Knox up…THUMB TO THE EYE! Knox rolls on his side, suddenly desperately searching under the ring for something. JC takes a moment and turns, seemingly more angry than hurt only to get a face full of yellow mist…Knox holds a canister in his hands..is that…BEAR MACE?!



He stops the spray, hauling off and backhanding JC across the face with the canister! JC struggles, wiping at his eyes and coughing while swiping at Knox who leans back away from the swings.Knox gains some ground back now, dodging JC’s wild swings and peppering him with kicks to the midsection and knees. All the while JC is clearly suffering from the burning in his eyes.



Knox slips one particularly nasty clothesline and nails JC with a codebreaker, leaving him now favoring his back and his eyes. He stands, looking down at JC and after a moment and with a deeply conflicted look upon his face he goes to the medical staff and demands a bottle of water before returning and dousing JC’s face with it, before taking the last swallow for himself.



JC wipes at his eyes, now bright red and making him look all the more angry and demonic. He fires to his feet, intent on paying Knox back only to get a face full of water courtesy of Knox’s best that-guy-who-looks-like-Larry-Tact impersonation. He then lifts JC onto his shoulders and sends his former partner Into the Void! Knox takes a moment to lean against the apron, still in a clear amount of discomfort from the early assault and taking a moment to recover before snagging JC by his braids and lifting him, walking him toward the ramp and sending him upward with a stiff chop across the chest



Knox walks JC to the grave site, the first time they’ve visited it all match. To make sure he keeps walking, he yanks him by the hair backward and then clubs him in the back, propelling him forward. He drags the Bogeyman all the way to the grave. JC turns around and Knox punches him right in the jaw, staggering him. Knox continues to deliver punches, hoping to knock his friend backward enough that he simply falls into the hole. Instead, JC falls to a knee. Knox runs forward with a knee strike that knocks him inside the grave.



Knox grabs a shovel and then hastily begins stabbing at the dirt pile nearby, raking dirt into the hole as quickly as he can to end the match. JC is having none of it, though. After one clump of dirt hits him, he immediately gets up and chop blocks the knee of Knox, forcing him down. JC climbs out and the brawl continues, before The Bogeyman applies a choke to Knox, strangling him in the dirt. Knox flails, looking for any kind of purchase to pull himself away, and instead throws a hand of dirt right into JC’s eyes, blinding him once again.



Knox grabs JC after he swings wildly and attempts to get him up for Into the Void, but JC plants his feet firmly on the ground and lets his body weight keep him from going up. He counters with a sharp elbow to the back of Knox’s head, then grabs him by the hair and headbutts him so hard, it sends him falling backwards down the hill. When the camera pans back to JC, it shows he has busted open his own forehead with the force of the headbutt he hit Knox with. Between his red eyes, the dirt on his face and the blood beginning to stream, he resembles something that crawled out of Hell.



Still feeling the beating, Knox drops to one knee at the bottom of the hill, wincing and unable to capitalize as quickly as he'd like. He punches the ground, forcing himself up and grabbing the shovel. His face is grim as he heads up to meet JC. The fans come unglued but the two don't seem to notice, or care. Knox swings the shovel at JC's head with as much force as he can muster but JC ducks, causing Knox to spin through with the momentum. JC pays his efforts with a kick to the same knee he chop blocked, the crack drowned out by Knox's yells as JC yanks the shovel from his grip. For good measure, he drives the end of the handle into the back of Knox's head, sending him face first into the nearby pile of dirt.



JC stands over Knox now, holding the shovel like a battle axe. Knox tries to rise but the knee buckles and before he can make a second effort, JC begins swinging the shovel down onto him, bashing the flat iron side of it onto whatever surface Knox is unable to cover up! He switches his grip, waiting for Knox to force himself to his knees and urging him to get up mockingly before swinging the shovel upward with a terrifying precision, using the point to open a gash across the right side of Matt Knox's face. He measures the next blow as Knox sputters and coughs on his knees before him, blood running down to his chest. He raises the shovel high and brings it down once on the crown of Knox's head, Snapping the handle in two!



With Knox down and out, JC pushes him into the grave with one foot. He then appears to abandon the grave site completely, walking back down to the ring. He lifts up the ring skirt and pulls out a few chairs, then the crowd begins to murmur when he grabs the handles of something and pulls out a WHEELBARROW full of dirt! JC spins the heavy wheelbarrow around and starts to push it up the ramp. After moving a few feet, he thinks better of it and walks back to the ring, grabbing a chair. He places the chair on the dirt and pushes the wheelbarrow the rest of the way.



Once he approaches the grave, he struggles but uses his upper body strength to push the wheelbarrow up the hill. He stands over the grave, then looks at the dirt, then back at Knox. JC then climbs into the grave with Knox and hoists him up on his shoulder and flops him on the ground. JC climbs out himself and grabs a handful of dirt, before SHOVING IT into Knox’s mouth!



JC: Breathe deep!



With Knox choking, JC grabs the chair and slides it under his head. It seems he wants a repeat of the last time they fought. He grabs the arms of Knox and places a boot on the back of his head, looking to stomp his face again. But Knox pushes himself and throws his head back, hitting The Bogeyman with a low blow! With JC stopped by the great equalizer, Knox then grabs the chair and swings it as hard as he can, cracking JC in the skull with it.



The Bogeyman wobbles, but to the shock of everyone, even Knox, HE DOESN’T FALL. JC, with blood pouring from the top of his head, begins laughing at Knox like a maniac. Knox takes a step back, unsure of what to do, then spits the glob of dirt still in his mouth into JC’s face to daze him. He opens the chair next to JC’s face, takes a step back, and then BOOTS THE CHAIR INTO THE BOGEYMAN’S HEAD. That is enough to knock JC into the grave.



Knox immediately spins around, exhausted and perhaps a little terrified at the monster he awakened, and grabs the wheelbarrow. He begins trying to pull it towards the hole…



AND JC SUDDENLY JUMPS OUT OF THE GRAVE AND GRABS KNOX.Knox fires a hand up trying to break the chokehold but finding no luck as JC drags him back toward the hole. As JC gets to it he whirls both men around and suddenly Knox is dangling over the grave, suspended in the chokehold as his feet kick desperately. JC holds no emotion as Knox’s face begins to turn purple, eyes darting ever slower until they close. His legs stop kicking and JC stands, holding his dangling corpse over the hole. A smile breaks onto his face for a split second…



Until both of Knox’s thumbs fire back and dig into his eyeballs! Knox’s heels find purchase on the edge of the grave and as JC yells and tries to sink the choke in deeper to stop the rally, he shoves back as hard as he can to send them both crashing into the wheelbarrow! Knox manages to break free now, coughing and spluttering once more. He wipes the blood from his face, scrambling to his feet and leaping onto JC’s back as he begins rising yet again. He snatches JC by the braids once more and with a primal scream begins to bash his face over and over and over into the side of the wheelbarrow…but JC KEEPS PUSHING TO HIS FEET!



Knox leaps up then, locking in the katahajime, but JC won’t fall back for the lungblower! JC stumbles around, trying to shake Knox who holds on until suddenly he falls back into the grave with Knox! In the hole, Knox manages to sink the choke in deeper. He yells at Joe while doing so, although his voice doesn’t sound wrathful.



Matt Knox: I’m here now, bud! I’m not going anywhere!



JC struggles, clawing at the ground and trying to get a hold of any part of Knox’s face he can but Knox buries his face into the back of JC, covering up as best he can. Eventually, the monster goes limp. Knox holds on for a second longer but then relents. He lays, exhausted in the ground for a moment before shoving JC off and climbing out with some great effort. He stands slowly over the grave, favoring his midsection. After a moment he plucks one of the spare shovels and begins showering dirt onto JC. He stops before covering his friend’s face, looking away before shoveling the last of the dirt down.



Mitchell Dennis: Your winner is…MATT KNOX!

[UGWC Staff]

Vinegar: Ladies and gentlemen WELCOME to our MAIN EVENT!!

Covert Jay: Boy howdy is it a HUGE one!

Lieberjosch: “Boy howdy?” Thanks, Beev. Did Wally get home OK?

Covert Jay: I don’t know anyone named Wally.

Lieberjosch: Christ…

Vinegar: This match has been almost six months in the making, ever since the return of “Vain” Alan Wallace. It’s been a most improbable return. When “Vain” returned, he told us it was with one goal in mind…revenge on Travis Pierce. It has not turned out that way.

Lieberjosch: Not at all, but one must be honest, and this is no slight to Alan Wallace who is one of the greatest talents in UGWC history, that his march to this moment has been most improbable.

Vinegar: I think that’s a fair assessment, Hans. When he returned at WrestleStock, Vain made it clear that Pierce was his sole focus.

Lieberjosch: Indeed. He was quite demonstrable about that in fact. Then Wallace found his footing and won the “Massive Melee” Key, and eventually won Keeper of the Keys. It was truly an improbably march back to the top.

Covert Jay: “Vain” Alan Wallace should never be doubted.

Lieberjosch: Quite right, Jay. Even if Wallace comes out of this match without the World Championship, which for once I find myself seeing him as a longshot in attaining, he has absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Alan Wallace could easily win “Comeback Wrestler of the Year” if we had such an award. As it is, he’s had a five month period that one simply cannot scoff at. It’s been incredible.

Vinegar: It has been, which seems entirely appropriate given who he’s going to face. It must be said though that he’s facing a man who hasn’t lost a match in well over a year, never lost the Chaos Championship, has successfully defended the World Championship multiple times, is a current reigning CoOperative Champion, and holds major championships in other companies. Sebastian Everett-Bryce has been on a run for the ages. In the annals of UGWC history, he’s surpassed Travis Roberts year-long World Championship Reign.

Lieberjosch: Yes, but not as World Champion. Yet.

Vinegar: That’s a fair point, Hans. I meant in terms of total days as a champion without losing a match.
Lieberjosch: Quite right.

Covert Jay: Vain certainly has his work cut out for him.

Vinegar: He does, but if anyone is up to such a monumentous challenge, it’s Alan Wallace.

Lieberjosch: I agree, especially since he picked the match type.

Vinegar: He caught everyone off guard by deciding on a “Valhalla Burial Match.”

Lieberjsch: Yes. UGWC hasn’t had one since “No Holds Barred 2020.”

Vinegar: There’s a reason for that. With how it’s configured and works, almost no one wants to fight in one. Between the weapons, the water, the fire, and the sheer violence of it, it probably takes a couple of years off of a wrestlers career.

Covert Jay: Which isn’t a problem for “Vain.”

Lieberjosch: Are you calling him “old?”

Covert Jay: No. “Vain” himself has said that he’s on his retirement tour.

Vinegar: That’s a fair point. How much does that “tour” get extended by if he does a very much “Vain” act and pulls off what is currently seen as a massive upset by winning the World Championship tonight?

Lieberjosch: I expect that it would be either until he loses it, or until he gets his hands on Pierce.

Vinegar: He could’ve had Pierce at Horizons tonight as chose this instead.

Lieberjosch: Yes, but think of the two-fold strategy he’s working. In one fell swoop, he’s forced Pierce back into a secondary place, which is driving Pierce absolutely insane. If he wins, he not only snaps Sebastian’s incredible winning streak, adding another massive achievement to his already impressive career, but he can then use the World Championship as both mockery against, and bait to Travis Pierce. It’s a chess moves within chess moves.

Vinegar: It’s working so far. Pierce is absolutely irate over this decision.

Lieberjosch: I know. It’s absolutely fantastic.

Vinegar: I

Covert Jay: Who shut off the lights?

A loud trumpet blast rings through the arena.

Covert Jay: Ooooh. Guys with torches! They look like Vikings!

Liberjosch: Of course they do! It’s a “Valhalla Burial” match!

Vinegar: It is an impressive sight.

Covert Jay: Who’s coming out on stage?

Lieberjosch: How should I know?

Vinegar: Whoever he is, he’s decked out in a full Viking outfit.

Covert Jay: Nice horns.

Vinegar: The two men with the torches flank our new arrival as he…

Covert Jay: Is he unrolling a parchment?

Lieberjosch: Silence, Jay.

Vinegar: There’s another person standing next to him.

Covert Jay: A translator?

Lieberjosch: Don’t be absurd.

Vinegar: He’s about to speak.

Covert Jay: Lo there do I see my father.

Lieberjosch: Shut up. This isn’t “The Thirteenth Warrior.”

Covert Jay: But I love that movie!

Lieberjosch: Shut it.

Viking Announcer: ᛁ ᛞᛖᚡᛟᛏᛖ ᛗᚤ ᛋᛟᚢᛚ ᛏᛟ ᛒᚨᛏᛏᛚᛖ.

Translator: I devote my soul to battle!

Viking Announcer: ᛁ ᛞᛖᚡᛟᛏᛖ ᛗᚤ ᚺᛖᚨᚱᛏ ᛏᛟ ᚷᛚᛟᚱᚤ.

Translator: I devote my heart to glory.

Viking Announcer: ᛁ ᚹᛁᛚᛚ ᚠᛟᛚᛚᛟᚹ ᛏᚺᛖ ᛈᚨᛏᚺ ᛟᚠ ᛏᚺᛖ ᚹᚨᚱᚱᛁᛟᚱ ᛏᛟ ᚡᚨᛚᚺᚨᛚᛚᚨ.

Translator: I will follow the path of the warrior to Valhalla.

Viking Announcer: ᛁᛗᛗᛟᚱᛏᚨᛚᛁᛏᚤ ᚨᚹᚨᛁᛏᛋ!

Translator: Immortality awaits!

Covert Jay: That was cool!

Lieberjosch: I admit that it’s impressive.

Vinegar: The torchbearers turn toward the ring and walk down the ramp that connects the stage to the ring over what will be the moat once it’s filled to full. Once they reach the end, they face each other and raise their torches high.

Covert Jay: Like swordbearers!

Vinegar: Similarly.

Lieberjosch: A man and a woman walk out from backstage, each with a giant ramshorn as a group of men and women in full regalia with drums hanging from them march out and ring the front of the tage and stand between a staggered set of lit torches.

Vinegar: Yes. It’s not perfectly accurate to history, but it does make for quite a spectacle as the spotlights track with them. They reach the end of the stage on both sides of the walkway to the ring, and raise them as the hold their heads back.

Covert Jay: WOW! They really blew!

Lieberjosch: No comment.

Vinegar: The drummers begin to play a war cadence as the spotlights focus on the stage.

Covert Jay: There’s no light for Mitchell?

Lieberjosch: Did you read the run sheet?

Covert Jay: Run sheet?

Lieberjosch: Why do I bother?

Vinegar: It’s ok, Hans. It’s time to go to Mitchell.

Mitchell Dennis: Ladies and gentlemen it’s now time for the MAIN EVENT!!

Covert Jay: Listen to that cheer! They really like Mitchell!

Lieberjosch: Sigh.

Dennis: Tonight’s MAIN EVENT is for the UGWC WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP and it is going to be contested under VALHALLA BURIAL RULES!!

Covert Jay: They really do like Mitchell!

Lieberjosch: I think it’s that it’s the Main Event, Jay.

Dennis: Under “Valhalla Burial” rules the two contestants will enter the ring via a ringside ramp that’s over a moat. Once both contestants are in the ring, the ramp will be retracted and the two combatants will have to retrieve weapons from inside the moat. The winner of this match will be declared once one of the combatants is placed in the boat that’s attached to the ring. In order to win, the boat must be set ablaze and sent to the afterlife!

Covert Jay: This match is so cool.

Lieberjosch: It’s very much not “cool.” It is in fact quite hot.

Vinegar: Speaking of that, since there is a very real possibility that Everett-Bryce or Wallace could be set on fire, we have fire and medical personnel at ringside.

Lieberjosch: It’s required by our insurance.

Covert Jay: Do we have the two-toothed piranha?

Lieberjosch: No, Jay.

Covert Jay: Why not?

Lieberjosch: He’s dead.

Covert Jay: We can still use him!

Lieberjosch: What, in some weird “Weekend at Bernie’s” sort of situation? What are they going to do, fish slap each other into submission?

Vinegar: I see what you did there.
Lieberjosch: Thank you.

Covert Jay: No, not like “Weekend at Bernie’s.” That movie’s terrifying!

Lieberjosch: Isn’t it a comedy? Even if that’s only in the loosest sense of the word?

Vinegar: It is.

Covert Jay: That’s a horror movie! It still terrifies me!

Lieberjosch: You have severe mental issues. You know that, right?

Cover Jay: As long as they’re good issues!

Lieberjosch: I hate you so much.

Vinegar: Mitchell is ready for the first introduction!

Dennis: Introducing first!



A lone spotlight begins to shine down upon the stage. As the music first starts out, fireworks go off around the area that the spotlight showcases. Up through the flooring of the stage rises 'Vain' Alan Wallace - a buxom blonde standing to his left, and a gorgeous brunette standing to his right. As the lift that they are being raised by comes to a stop, the two women drop to their knees and turn towards him, running their hands down his chest and abs, before giving each other a kiss. Vain tosses the hood of his robe back, revealing that beautiful money maker of his, and then throws his arms up in the air as he begins walking towards the ring, and his two harlots make their way backstage. He walks to the ring through the raised torches. Upon entering the ring, he spins around in a circle with his arms raised high, basking in the reaction of the people. He then prepares for the task in front of him, as his music begins to fade out.

Dennis: Standing at six feet, four inches and weighing in at two hundred and thirty pounds, he hails from the palatial Vain Mansion in Miami, Florida, he is a three-time UGWC World Heavyweight Champion, a five-time Cross Hemisphere Champion, and one-half of the greatest cooperative him in UGWC history, “Sex and Violence.” He won this year’s “Massive Melee,” and “Keeper of the Keys” events. Ladies and gentlemen, he is “VAIN” ALLLLLLLLLAAAAANNNNN WAAAAALLLLLLLAAAAAACCCCCE!!!!

Vinegar: Alan Wallace has expressed his misgivings over his likelihood of winning, but has said that this is something that he has to do for himself to prove that he’s as great as he says he is.

Lieberjosch: Much to Sebastian’s ire. He sees this as a tremendous act of arrogance on the part of the “Vain One.”

Covert Jay: For challenging him?

Lieberjosch: Yes. Wallace originally said that he’d returned to face Travis Pierce. For him to pivot to challenging a man who hasn’t lost a championship match in almost two years is nothing more than an act of arrogance.

Covert Jay: Where has he been since two thousand and five?

Lieberjosch: A fair point.

Vinegar: It is Wallace’s brand.

Liebrerjosch: That’s also a fair point.

Vinegar: Let’s go back to Mitchell.

Dennis: And the CHAMPION…

The lights in the arena cut out entirely, and the fans begin to buzz. The darkness holds for a moment before…



Fame, fame, fame, fame
Fame, fame, fame, fame
Fame, fame, fame, fame
Fame, fame, fame, fame
Fame, fame, fame, fame
Fame, fame, fame, fame
Fame, fame, fame, fame
Fame

With each of the hits of the word “Fame” a spotlight flashes back and forth between the stage and a random spot in the audience. On the screen, the images alternate between key moments from the career of Sebastian Everett-Bryce, S.E.B. and Empire.

After the final Fame, the lyrics end.

Na, na, na, na…

The screen flashes with the words Welcome to the Empire.

As the beat drops, Sebastian Everett-Bryce flings his arms wide, lit up by a bright spotlight, his head covered by the hood of his jacket. He stands in the middle of the ramp, the lights beating down on him, before looking out at the crowd. He wears a long jacket, zipped to the waist. The jacket, which is cut away at the bottom and only runs down the back of his legs, is patterned with an elongated Union Flag, but it appears to be cracked, and broken. Destressed. His tights are short, with the initials S.E.B. emblazoned upon the front.

Around his waist is the UGWC World Heavyweight Championship.

In his right hand is one of the UGWC Cooperative Championships.

In his left hand is the Pro Wrestling Valor World Heavyweight Championship.

Fame makes a man take things over
Fame lets him loose, hard to swallow
Fame puts you there where things are hollow
It's not your brain, it's just the flame
That puts your change to keep you insane (sane)

The lights lift and Seb places the two Championships over his shoulders, as he makes his way to the ring, stretching his neck from side to side as he walks, he slaps hands with fans as he walks, stopping with a random fan and staring into the camera and shouting “My Empire, right here!”. He climbs up the steps and steps through the ropes before standing in the middle of the ring.

Fame, what you like is in the limo
Fame, what you get is no tomorrow
Fame, what you need you'll have to borrow
Fame, fame, fame, fame
Fame, fame, fame, fame

He pulls back his hood, and pulls the titles from his shoulders, holding one in each hand again.

Is it any wonder?
Is it any wonder?
Is it any wonder?
Is it any wonder? (Ooh)

The beat drops again, he flashes his arms out to a side, a satisfied smirk upon his face, he holds the position for a moment, to allow the crowd to take pictures. He hangs each of the Championships over the top rope, before pulling off his Jacket to reveal “EMPIRE” on the back of his tights.

As his music comes to an end, Seb hands the World Heavyweight Championship to the referee, before moving towards his corner and handing his remaining titles to a staff member at ringside.

Dennis: Standing in tonight at six feet, two inches tall and weighing two hundred and thirty eight pounds, he is the REIGNING and DEFENDING UGWC WORRRRRRRLD CHAAAAAAMMMMMPIIIIONNNN who has not lost a title defense in over SIX HUNDRED DAYS...

Covert Jay: I think Mitchell needs to come up for air.

Lieberjosch: I think you need to hold your breath until you pass out.

Vinegar: That’s enough, Hans.

Dennis: “THE CHEL-SEA CRIIIIIPPPPPLERRRRR” SEBASTIAN EVERETTTTTT- BRYYYYYYYYCE!!!

Vinegar: The introductions are done and the platform has been pulled back. The only way out now is to take your opponent out and send them on their blazing boat to Valhalla.

Lieberjosch: The question now is, is it going to be a rush to the water, or is the first one to go for a swim going to be deposited there by his opponent?

Vinegar: We’re about to find out.

Covert Jay: I think it’s a cool touch that the Vikings are surrounding the ring on the outer platform. It looks really badass.

Lieberjosch: It might not be if one of them gets knocked into the audience.

Covert Jay: Foreshadowing!

Lieberjosch: This is UGWC.

Vinegar: The bell rings and the two all-time greats begin to circle each other. Unlike the “Valhalla Burial” match between Donovan Hastings and Gabriel Baal in two thousand twenty, we haven’t seen both men dash for the pool.

Lieberjosch: Neither man is known for his impulsiveness. I think we’re going to see a little bit of back and forth before someone goes into the drink.

Covert Jay: F that! I want to see someone get wet!

Lieberjosch: Calm down, Jay. This isn’t one of your teenage hand-strengthening films.

Covert Jay: Teenage?

Lieberjosch: Good God...

Vinegar: You walked right into that minefield, Hans. You have no one to blame but yourself.

Lieberjosch: I suddenly hate myself a great deal for it, although not as much as continue to hate Jay.

Vinegar: Sebastian and Vain lock up in the middle of the ring, trading arm drags. They both leap up and trade hip tosses, then sweep each other's legs out and kip up facing each other.

Lieberjosch: This isn’t the beginning I was expecting.

Covert Jay: Where’s the water? Where’s the blood? Where the FIIIIIIIRE??!!

Lieberjosch: Settle down, Jay.

Vinegar: They’re building up to it.

Covert Jay: They need to build faster!

Vinegar: The two men lock up again, wrestling for position before Seb gets behind Vain and launches him with an overhead release suplex!

Lieberjosch: Impressive.

Covert Jay: FIIIIIIAHHHHHHH!!!! WE WANT IT!!!

Lieberjosch: I’m going to throw you in the fire if you don’t knock that off.

Vinegar: Vain lands on his feet and charges Seb. He throws his arm at Seb for a last-second clothesline, but Seb ducks it and wraps Vain up from behind and this time catches Vain before he can react, dumping him onto his head.

Covert Jay: Vain’s backup! He’s the Terminator!

Vinegar: Vain pops up as Seb advances on him and attempts another suplex. Vain blocks it with a foot and throws his head back. It catches Seb right in the face and causes him to break the hold. Vain goes to throw another clothesline.

Lieberjosch: Nice fake out.

Vinegar: Sebastian eats canvas as Vain catches him by surprise with a DDT! He rolls Seb over and acts like he’s going for a pin and smiles as Glen tells him it doesn’t count.

Lieberjosch: He didn’t DO it because he thought it would count!

Covert Jay: Then why?

Vinegar: Sebastian just reflexively kicked out and the two stand up at the same time.

Lieberjosch: That’s why he did it, to show Sebastian that if pinfalls DID count, that he’d be that vulnerable to it. It’s psychology.

Vinegar: Sebastian shakes his head approvingly and smiles.

Lieberjosch: Game respects game.

Vinegar: The two man stalk each other again, then lock up. The fight for control before Sebastian takes Vain to the mat with a double leg takedown and transitions into a rearchinlock. He pulls Vain up, twists around and drops hard to the canvas.

Covert Jay: Neckbreakah!

Lieberjosch: This time it’s Sebastian’s turn as Vain stands up rubbing the back of his neck. Tit for tat.

Covert Jay: You said “tit.”

Lieberjosch: I’ve also said “shut up,” but you haven’t paid attention to that.

Vinegar: The two tie up again. Vain gains control and grabs Sebastian around the waist. He lifts him up and drops him front first into the mat, then drops an elbow into the middle of his back. Sebastian rolls over as Vain goes for his legs, but Sebastian kicks him away, sending Vain into the ropes!

Covert Jay: SO CLOSE!!

Vinegar: Sebastian charges, going for what appears to be a clothesline of his own, hoping to send Vain into the water. Vain ducks and sends Seb up and over!

Covert Jay: SPLASH DOWN!!

Lieberjosch: Impressive. Most impressive.

Vinegar: Sebastian lands on his feet on the apron, barely avoiding going

Covert Jay: Into the drink!

Lieberjosch: I’m pretty sure that I said this not too long ago, Jay, but calm down.

Covert Jay: You did, and I’m ignoring it now too.

Lieberjosch: We need to drop you in the water. Preferably with a weight tied around your feet.

Vinegar: Vain throws a back elbow, hoping to catch Sebastian off-guard and knock him into the water, but Sebastian ducks, spins around and grabs Vain by the back of his head. He pulls down and whiplashes Vain by the back of his neck. Vain staggers forward as Sebastian springs up onto the top rope and launches himself.

Covert Jay: What a kick!

Lieberjosch: That was indeed quite impressive.

Vinegar: Sebastian connects with a leaping kick that sends a shotgun-like sound through the arena and throws Vain back into the corner. His momentum carries him up onto it so that he’s lying across the ropes.

Covert Jay: Will he be the first to go in?

Lieberjosch: We’re about to find out!

Vinegar: Sebastian charges across the ring.

Covert Jay: Vain is seated!

Lieberjosch: He’s going to wish he wasn’t!

Vinegar: Superkick!

Covert Jay: Vain topples over toward the water!

Lieherjosch: Amazing! Vain shows his veteran presence!

Vinegar: Somehow Vain has contorted himself so that he’s barely on the special apron around the outside that has been set up to make ease of entry easier.

Lieberjosch: What the hell?!

Covert Jay: RELEASE THE KRACKEN!!!

Lieberjosch: What the hell is this nonsense?

Vinegar: Is that…

Covert Jay: YES!!

Lieberjosch: Unbelievable…

Vinegar: Our…”Kracken” is Tate Levine in a…halloween costume…

Lierberjosch: Well, fat does float. I’m surprised he stayed down.

Covert Jay: We put him in weighted boots.

Lieberjosch: And he didn’t drown? That’s a Christmas miracle.

Covert Jay: Who knew that fatass could hold his breath for such a long time?

Lieberjosch: It makes it easier for stuff all that food into his jowls.

Vinegar: Tate grabs Vain fom behind. Vain struggles to kick him off. Seb watches this with no lack of amusement on his face. Vain struggles to his feet with the Tateken hanging from his leg. He tries to shake Tate off, but he holds onto Vain like he’s a full pack of Oreos.

Lieberjosch: Sebastian watches as Vain comes to stand on the apron. Now is the perfect time to strike!

Vinegar: Sebastian charges across the ring and leaps up onto the ropes. Is he?

Covert Jay: It looks like it!

Lieberjosch: If this connects, Vain is going into the drink! Even if it doesn’t, having Captain Lardass hanging onto his leg is throwing his balance off and he could end up there anyway.

Vinegar: Sebastian leaps!

Covert Jay: Holy shit!

Lieberjosch: I never thought I’d feel bad for Tate, and while I still don’t…oof.

Vinegar: Vain pulled the Tateken up by his head at the last second, somehow hoisting the rather corpulent grandchild of Old Lady Levine up by his head!

Covert Jay: Tate ate ALL of that springboard Empire Kick!

Lieberjosch: For once he got a meal he’d have been happy to send back.

Vinegar: Vain’s still holding onto him as Tate goes flying back into the moat!

Covert Jay: Splashdown!

Lieberjosch: Vain goes into the drink right behind him!

Vinegar: Sebastian thuds down HARD on the apron!

Covert Jay: Glug, glug, mofo!!

Lieberjosch: Seriously, Jay? “Mofo” isn’t appropriate here.

Covert Jay: It looks like it is to me!

Lieberjosch: That’s no way to address the World Champion!

Vinegar: That was a rather painful-looking bounce!

Lieberjosch: I bet the splashdown didn’t refresh him.

Vinegar: I doubt it.

Covert Jay: Where’s Vain?

Lieberjosch: In the water. Or under it. Maybe the Fatasstadon finally got him.

Covert Jay: That’s not a sea monster!

Lieberjosch: He is if you’re a fish buffet.

Vinegar: Seb explodes up out of the water with a fishing spear in hand. He looks around wildly for a second before he calms himself.

Lieberjosch: He wants to know where Vain is as badly as we do.

Covert Jay: He’s completely gone!

Lieberjosch: No he’s not. This isn’t the Bermuda Triangle.

Covert Jay: Is it me, or does this moment feel like it’s happened before?

Lieberjosch: It’s just you. Because you’re stupid.

Vinegar: Sebastian looks around and starts swimming for the ring apron with the spear in hand. He tosses it up onto the apron, plants his hands and pushes himself up.

Covert Jay: FEED THE FATASSKEN!!!

Vinegar: Vain explodes out of the water with Tate in both hands, holding onto his costume by his tentacles as Tate flails wildly. He swings Tate wildly and off balance!

Covert Jay: That’s one fat bat.

Lieberjosch: I don’t think we’ve ever seen anyone beaten with a corpulent Kracken before.

Vinegar: Vain yells out Seb’s name and Seb turns!

Covert Jay: Tateken to the gut of Sebastian!

Lieberjosch: This is absurd.

Vinegar: Yet it’s effective.

Covert Jay: Adrenaline is a hell of a…drug.

Lieberjosch: It’s not a...you know what, never mind.

Covert Jay: Fly fatass, FLY!!

Vinegar: Vain heaves Tate into the ring as Sebastian turns himself around and slides into the ring. Vain slides in after them.

Covert Jay: Vain pops up!

Vinegar: Right into a shot to the stomach from the World Champion!

Lieberjosch: Sebastian grabbed the spear as he slid back in! Brilliant strategy, and a bit of an unforced error by Vain.

Vinegar: Maybe so. Pre- break Vain wouldn’t have made that error. He’d have made sure to disarm Sebastian and either use the spear ON him, or he’d have made damned sure that it was out of Seb’s reach.

Lieberjosch: Sebastian has it now, which is terrible news for Vain.

Covert Jay: God damn!

Vinegar: Sebastian brings the spear handle down across Vain’s back with a loud crack. Vain howls in pain. Sebastian raises it and brings it down with another loud thwack and another howl from Vain.

Covert Jay: Do you see those welts?

Lieberjosch: I think they can see those from space.

Vinegar: He brings it down for a third time, bending his knees, arching his back, and putting as much force and torque behind it as he can!

Covert Jay: It broke!

Lieberjosch: It didn’t merely “break,” it shattered and one half went careening off into the crowd!

Covert Jay: Somehow it always finds the cosplayer…

Lieberjosch: Yeah, the cosplayer who hasn’t changed wrestlers in three years and still pines for a wrestler who isn’t here.

Covert Jay: What if they dressed like the Dark Destroyer?

Lieberjosch: The roof would probably collapse on them.

Vinegar: Sebastian flips Vain over and drives the broken end of the staff into his forehead, grinding it in and scraping it back and forth until Vain’s face is a bloody mess. He pulls the badly stunned Vain to his feet and…Jesus!

Covert Jay: Where?

Lieberjosch: Nowhere, stupid. That was directed at the vicious uppercut that Sebastian took with the broken staff handle!

Vinegar: Exactly! His uppercut swing just launched Vain back into the corner again! Sebastian lobs the staff at Vain, who takes it and stares at it in dazed confusion. Sebastian charges across the ring, bounces off of the ropes, and shoots back!

Covert Jay: Empire Kick into the staff! Vicious!

Lieberjosch: The staff shoots up and catches Vain square in the forehead!

Vinegar: It launches him over the ropes and he splashes down into the water again!
Lieberjosch: That’s a nice mental image and all, but Sebastian has to get him INTO the boat and set it ablaze!

Vinegar: Excellent point!

Covert Jay: Vain hasn’t come back up yet!

Vinegar: Not yet, but that’s not stopping Sebastian, who walks over to the side of the ring and steps out onto the apron, looking down for Vain.

Covert Jay: Maybe the Hafgufa ate him!

Lieberjosch: I don’t think we could squeeze one of those into the budget, or the building.

Vinegar: Sebastian continues too...

Lieberjosch: Lean forward. Foolishly. What if Vain makes him pay?

Vinegar: Vain explodes out of the water holding a boat oar!

Covert Jay: It’s not going to be a particularly Merry Christmas after all!

Lieberjosch: Vain wisely drills the leading edge of the ore into Sebastian’s groin!

Covert Jay: Foreshadowing!

Vinegar: He flips it around and drills the arched underside into the same place, then spins it again and slams Sebastian in the groin with it a third time!

Covert Jay: He’s lifting him up!

Lieberjosch: Vain is, indeed. He’s intelligently using it like a shovel!

Vinegar: He is indeed! He’s literally muscling Sebastian over!

Lieberjosch: This is a very impressive! He lifts Sebastian up and somehow muscles him overhead

Covert Jay: Yowza!!

Lieberjosch: He gets Sebastian up overhead and then…abruptly drops him!

Vinegar: Sebastian goes groin first into the railing!

Lieberjosch: Vain back into the ring now.

Covert Jay: His head whipped around!

Vinegar: Oh no! Don’t do that!

Lieberjosch: HA!!!

Covert Jay: Jesus Christ that’s cold!

Vinegar: Vain just piledrove Tate for absolutely no reason!

Lieberjosch: There’s a reason. He wants to make sure that Tate can’t get back to… life…or whatever he counts as and try to attack him.

Vinegar: No one here liked Tate, but that was totally unnecessary!

Lieberjosch: It doesn’t matter now, although Burke looks horrified!

Vinegar: As he should! In the meantime, Vain has sprinted across the ring and leaps!

Covert Jay: Holy Shit!

Lieberjosch: I have no idea how he did that!

Vinegar: Vain changes position in mid-air and somehow connects with “The Money Maker!”

Covert Jay: That was an ugly bounce from Sebastian!

Lieberjosch: There are rarely pretty ones!

Vinegar: Sebastian bounces face-first off of the funeral boat and into the water! Vain pops up from the water and looks for Sebastian! He waits a few seconds and then dives after him!

Lieberjosch: Both men are bleeding profusely, and that could begin to play a role soon!

Covert Jay: I see him! he’s coming back up!

Lieberjoersh: Goddamn!

Vinegar: Vain comes exploding from the water with Sebastian in tow! He rolls the Champion into the ring and slides in after him.

Covert Jay: Sebastian still looks pretty limp from that shot to the head he just took!

Lieberjosch: You would’ve too.

Vinegar: Vain pulls him up straight into a “Cherry Popper!” Sebastian sways, but somehow stays on his feet! Vain connects with a second one which drops Sebastian to the mat! He leaps up onto the turnbuckle and smiles down at Sebastian!

Covert Jay: Ninjaaaaaa!!!

Vinegar: Vain lands an elbow drop square onto Sebastian’s head!

Covert Jay: He’s ruthless!

Lieberjosch: He smells blood in the water and wants to win.

Vinegar: Vain goes up top again!

Lieberjosch: He’s putting the last nail into Sebastian’s coffin!

Covert Jay: Vain leaps!

Lieberjosch: Whoa!

Covert Jay: Holy shit!

Vinegar: Seb pops up and blasts Vain with a Superkick out of nowhere, dropping him in a heap on the mat.

Covert Jay: He looks absolutely exhausted.

Lieberjosch: He probably is, but it would be easier to tell if he wasn’t covered in blood.

Vinegar: Sebastian picks Vain up and blasts him with another superkick, followed by a DDT! He pulls Vinegar back up without releasing the headlock. He pauses, then hauls him up into a stalling suplex.

Lieberjosch: Great height and control.

Covert Jay: Going down!

Vinegar: That was bone-rattling impact.

Lieberjosch: It was.

Vinegar: He pulls Vain up and sets him up on the turnbuckle and climbs up after him.
Covert Jay: He should face him the other way!

Vinegar: He needs the hard linding!

Covert Jay: Rats!

Lieberjosch: Markham missile!

Vinegar: He pulls Vain back to his feet and leaves him swaying on his feet. He signals for the “Empire Kick,” and at the cheer of the crowd darts forward!

Lieberjosch: If this goes as Sebastian wants it to, he can add another month as a champion to his already impressive count!

Vinegar: Vain avoids the Empire Kick! He pops back to his feet and drills Sebastian with the “Curtain Call!” Vain drags Sebastian out onto the apron!

Covert Jay: What does he have in mind…

Vinegar: He gets Sebastian set up!

Covert Jay: “Cherry Popper” onto the apron!!! He barely keeps Sebastian from rolling into the water, then goes to look for the boat!

Lieberjosch: He’s lost a step too due to exhaustion and blood loss.

Vinegar: Vain pulls the boat over, then ties it in place before retrieving…is that gas I smell?

Lieberjosch: It is. He’s going over to his ring gear and fishing out…Oh, that’s brilliant!

Vinegar: He found whatever he was looking for and he’s back to Sebastian. He rolls SEB into the boat, then pulls two…

Lieberjosch: Yes, before you ask, those are small bottles of fuel.

Vinegar: Vain rolls Sebastian into the boat, then pulls the two bottles from his pocket. He unscrews them and upends them into the water.

Covert Jay: Thost bottles aren’t going to fill it.

Liberjosch: He doesn’t need to. He only needs ot set the water ablaze!

Vinegar: Vain empties the bottles out into the water, then pulls a gold-plated lighter out and flicks it to life.

Lieberjosch: I can’t believe what I’m about to see!

Vinegar: Vain touches the lighter to the pyre, causing it to rapidly go ablaze!

Covert Jay: What the hell’s he doing?

Lieberjosch: He’s giving an incredible champion a worthy send-off!

Vinegar: Vain lights the water ablaze, then pushes the boat out as far as it’ll go!

Lieberjosch: There goes the greatest championship run of the modern era, possibly the entire history of this entire company!

Vinegar: The boat is almost halfway down the moat when a cloud of white fire-extinguishing foam blurs the entire view of the boat out!

Dennis: Ladies and gentlemen, you’re WINNER and NEW UGWC HEAVYEIGHT CHAMPION….. “VAIN” ALAN WAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLAAAAACCCCCE!!!

Covert Jay: He did it! Holy shit!

Lieberjosch: It’s unbelievable!

Vinegar: “Vain” Alan Wallace has done the seemingly impossible not only ended the World Championship reign of Sebastian Everett-Bryce at over one hundred days, and his overall championship match-winning streak at well over six-hundred days! In so doing, Vain may have solidified himself as the greatest overall champion in UGWC history!

Lieberjosch: Sebastian has nothing to feel ashamed of. He gave Vain everything he had, and has set an overall standard for greatness that may NEVER be matched!

Vinegar: Glen Burke hands the championship to Vain, and he holds it high overhead as his Fourth run as World Champion begins!

[UGWC Staff]

Credits

GFX
Mike

Opener
Steve

Cross-Hemisphere Championship
Steve

Chaos Championship
Brandon

Hastings vs Pierce
Steve

Buried Alive
Suplex Cops

Main Event
Ad

[Lord Hastings]

Another year of UGWC (our fourteenth!!!) comes to a close, I wanted to take a moment to thank everyone who was involved this year, and congratulations to our Horizons winners.

I also wanted to give a special recognition to one of, if not the greatest runs I've seen during my time in e-fedding. Sebastian Everett-Bryce won the Chaos Title in April of 2022, and it was the beginning of seventeen consecutive victories in championship matches, against fourteen unique opponents. During it all, Mike repeatedly proved himself to be among the elite writers of the hobby, telling engrossing stories while repeatedly adapting to challenging stip after challenging stip, never missing a beat and maintaining consistent production. He took us on a ride for something special, and I can't wait to see what's next for the Chelsea Crippler. Thank you and congratulations, Mike!

UGWC formally returns in January, the schedule is not yet formally set but the first Synergy is likely to be on January 15. The annual Year End Awards are still to come, with the first half of voting going up this coming weekend. The participation form for the beginning of 2024 will likely go out the last week of December, so please be on the lookout for that. We've got big things to come and are excited for another great year!

Enjoy the holiday season!

[Sebastian Everett-Bryce]

Well... I've only just seen this. I read the results first thing when I woke up that morning and didn't think to check back.

Thank you Steve - I truly appreciate the kind words. It was a lot of fun - from the Chaos Title through to the World right up to and including the moment I was Chad'd. I wrote some of the pieces I'm most proud of during this run, and as my own worst critic I can tell you that's not easy to say.

I want to thank everyone who played the game with me during this run. Special shout outs to Cory and B who I had some really tough battles against. Joe, who came back to UGWC and picked me out of everyone to work with when he came back. Larry who pushed me so hard in my first defences of the World Title. And to Chad for putting me back in my box and making sure I couldn't get too big for my boots. Ha.

But my biggest thanks goes to Barbie - who, despite being the person I faced to win the World Title has constantly been one of my biggest supporters. It's been amazing to create the friendship between Seb and Lucy this year, and I appreciate all the time and effort you've gone to in building the partnership.

Thank you to the staff for constantly making Seb look awesome.

And to anyone who may have been offended by Seb being a full on bitch, I apologise. It's all in good fun, but I recognise that sometimes I do labour on jokes more than I need to.

I feel I owe Dave an apology more than most because the "Not-Chuck/Dave" thing became something I used more than was probably needed.

But thanks again for everyone who read what I wrote. Because as much as I want to say I do this because I just like writing, I'm writing for an audience and this past year and a half has made the last eight years worth every second.

Have a great Christmas everyone - and see you in the New Year.

Oh... and Chad... Keep hold of that belt, because I want another chance at you.

Fuck you Chad.