Sentinel 21/06/09 Results

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

The scene opens and the words ‘SIX DAYS AGO’ flash across the screen and we are then greeted by the Aviator covered face of GIW Unified Global Champion, Travis Roberts. His face contorted into a familiar look of confusion as he stares directly into the lense of the camera.

Shortly after being greeted by his sweat covered face we then seethe recipient of his confusion, a young girl standing at the Check-In desk for a well known airline. She stands with a smile, which looks like she was taught it in airline school, patiently looking at The Headliner. After a moment Travis recovers from his shock enough to speak.

Travis: So let ‘The Blessed One’ get this straight, whilst ‘The Blessed Ones’ agent and his grandmother do[/b] have tickets for a flight back to Los Angeles, GIW’s Unified Global Champion does not?

Check-In Girl: Well you did have a ticket sir, but it has been cancelled.

Travis: By who?

Check-In Girl: You didn’t cancel the ticket, sir?

Travis: Does The Headliner look like a man who cancelled his flight? Do you really think Travis Roberts would have come to the airport if he had cancelled his ticket?

Check-In Girl: There’s no need to adopt that tone with me,Sir.

Travis: What tone do you expect The TWiSTeD Guerrilla to take? Travis Roberts was looking forward to getting home, and now he’s going to be delayed for a few hours. When is the next available flight, book me on it first class.

Check-In Girl: The next flight is in 3 hours and first class is Seven Hundred and Sixty Six Dollars. How will you be paying?

Travis searches his pockets for his wallet, and after a few moments his face drops considerably when he realises he does not have it with him.

Travis: My agent has my wallet, if you could just get hold of Tate Levene, he’ll be sure to get me my credit cards.

Check-In Girl: I’m afraid that would be against airport policy Mr Roberts, but if you bear with me a moment, I am seeing a note on your cancellation...aha...yes...it seems alternative arrangements have been made for you, there will be someone waiting for you at the entrance to Terminal One.

Travis: Well that makes perfect sense, they’ve probably hired The Headliner a private airplane or helicopter to take him back to the states in style. The Unified Global Champion deserves a more befitting re-entrance to the United States than turning up with the more average members of the roster on some chartered flight, The Blessed One deserves a heroes return...

Check-In Girl: That’s wonderful sir, now if you wouldn’t mind continuing your soliloquy a few metres to your right, I have many other passengers to deal with...

Travis shakes his head in disbelief at being talked to in such away, but takes the girl’s point and starts striding eagerly towards the exit to the terminal, his eyes scouting the horizon for his ‘alternative travel arrangements’. He gets outside and there is no sign of a limousine, or any well suited men ready to escort The Unified Global Champion to a private airfield. Instead a row of Taxi-Cabs lines up outside the terminal. It isn’t long until someone approached The Headliner, a short native of the country, with a fabulous moustache that curls up at the ends tentatively approaches The Blessed One, dressed in unkempt clothes...

Man: Meester Roberts...I am Pedro...

Travis: Oh god, are you, like, Damascus’ cousin?

Pedro: I here to take you to America...

Travis: You? Oh...do you work at the airfield as a caretaker or something?

Pedro: Airfield?

Travis: Never mind, the intrigue is part of the excitement...

Pedro: OK, follow me sir...

Travis willingly follows this unkempt man around the corner, and follows him for close to a mile as they exit the infrastructure of the airport, and finally end up on an old dirt track, as they turn the corner around a ramshackle old building, The Blessed On stops dead in his tracks and his jaw almost hits the floor. Before we see what has made Travis so aghast Pedro starts to speak once again.

Pedro: Meester Hastings told me that if I took you to dee border, you would be so grateful you’d get me into your country...yes?

The camera finally catches up with Travis Roberts and takes a look over his shoulder, and we are finally shown The Headliners ‘alternative’ transport, a grey, ageing, donkey.

Travis: Well that’s no good now is it?

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Hanson: Comin’ atcha like Cleopatra, we’re back ma dawgs, that’s right the one and only Dan Dawg and his GIW Crew are back to rock your worlds, directly from the motherfunkin’ GIW Arena, right here in Los Angeles...

Vinegar: It really is good to be home, the last few weeks have been hell, if anyone didn’t know I’ve had to share a hotel room with the ‘Dan Dawg’, and that is not a pleasant experience.

Hanson: Waking up every day and being reminded how worthless you are just by looking at the vision of perfection that is your room mate would be tough.

Vinegar: I didn’t room with Gabrielle...mores the pity. Anyway, we have one hell of a show in store for you tonight...

Hanson: Well it’s passable, I mean there’s no Travis Roberts so it can’t be the greatest card we’ve ever had, but we do have the Lord Chief brightening up the main event tagging with Alex ‘The Rainbow Dragon’ Kiseragi against Randy Foolzian and The Biggest Mistake Gabby will ever make...

Vinegar: That proves to be a great match, especially given the fallout from Break for the Border, we haven’t seen much from Boss Penguin since his humiliation in Mexico City, rumours are he’s gone to ground, but will we see him make an appearance tonight?

Hanson: I doubt it, why would he show up after last week, it just shows he has no authority anymore, and it’s only a matter of time until Mary-Joanna takes full control...

Vinegar: And how do you feel about that, the board is due to announce the future of the company at the next PPV, are you ready for a Mary-Joanna reign?

Hanson: I’m not sure, but at least she’s better to look at...and smells slightly less of fish...

Vinegar: Oh Dan!

Hanson: Speaking of things that stink, we’ve got Raenius vs that dirty, disgusting, wretched waste of space hobo piece of scrotum flake, Damascus...

Vinegar: oh...haven’t you heard?

Hanson: Heard what?

Vinegar: You haven’t been backstage this evening? Everyone’s talking about it...

Hanson: I don’t speak to anyone in this company, they’re not worthy of my time.

Vinegar: Well if you had, a the word I heard from Bones is that Damascus has had a shave and cleaned up...and well...the results are interesting...

Hanson: Let me guess, now he looks like a clean paedophile?

Vinegar: I guess you’re just going to have to wait and find out.

Hanson: Ooooh, I can’t wait for a Damascus match...not likely!

Vinegar: We’ve also got Michael Cappelli taking on Chassie Fear of the Covenant for the GIW.com Title.

Hanson: An easy first defence for the champion there...

Vinegar: Despite the obliteration of his partner at Break for the Border, Serapis continues his altercations with the Covenant as he takes on Dirge in singles action. We’ve also got the return of Mickey Dragon in a triple threat match against two men making their GIW Debut’s, Vanity ShowWood and William Everknight.

Hanson: I thought you said this was a great card, the next thing you’re going to tell me is Mitch the Jobber is wrestling again...

Vinegar: He is, against Nikko Nulty Nathans...

Hanson: What is that?

Vinegar: the name of Mitch’s opponent.

Hanson: That’s a name? It sounds like a painful genital condition, I should know I’ve had my fair sha...I mean, Strange Name...

Vinegar: It is a strange name, and that match is up right about now.

Mitch the Jobber is already standing in the ring when “Layla” by Eric Clapton blares over the system to a very silent crowd. Nikko Nulty Nathans jumps out onto the stage with small smirk as the crowd is silent and not showing much of a reaction.

Hanson: Since when has it been okay for one jobber not to have an entrance on live TV and another comes out to an even more silent reaction? I’m pretty sure Mitch will not be too happy about any of this.

Vinegar: Maybe they have the same manager and they are simply trying to put Nikko over?

Hanson: I think Mitch is probably already more over than Nikko will ever be.

Vinegar: Nikko jumping around the ring while Mitch stares on. I don’t think we seen Mitch in almost a year here in GIW.

Hanson: He is undefeated just to remind you.

Vinegar: This match is about to begin now as Nikko and Mitch circle each other.

??: WAIT A SECOND! WAIT ONE SECOND! Your GIW.com Champion has something to say.

Hanson: It’s Chassie!

Chassie: As the representative of the millions of fans that visit GIW.com each and every day, it is clear that I cannot allow this match to go on. No one wants to see this match! No one wants to see you, Nikko, take on some guy whose very name means he is going to lose in the end anyway. There’s no drama, no excitement..no showmanship!

Hanson: He’s undefeated…no one gets that.

Chassie: I don’t know you, Nikko, and I don’t know you Mitch…

Hanson: Along with the fact he is undefeated.

Chassie: And honestly have much more pressing things to be dealing with than getting to know each of you but I do know what the fans want and I definitely cannot agree more.

Vinegar: Is she going to defend the title right here right now?

Chassie: They want to see true athletes, such as myself, competing at the top of their game, not two nobodies playing grab ass in front of them. They want my match to quickly come up so I have had this match cancelled in recognition that the sooner I am in action the better it is for the company.

Vinegar: Nikko doesn’t look too happy as his match has apparently been cancelled.

Hanson: Mitch remains Undefeated!

Vinegar: Yeah, quite an achievement, let’s take a moment to thank the lord for Chassie Fear, and take a break...

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Hanson: I'm still recovering from that main event last week.

Vinegar: It looks like you're going to have to get over that fast, if what is going on up there on the stage is any indication.

Hanson: BURLY MEN! The burly men are back!!!

Vinegar: That's getting you way too excited.

Two burly men carry a throne out through the curtain and set it on the stage. "Immortal" hits the speakers, and Donovan Hastings walks out with a microphone in his hand and the Global Championship around his waist.

Hanson: I knew the Lord-Chief couldn't be defeated! Look, he's got the title after all!

Vinegar: I think that's a replica belt he bought down in Mexico.

Donovan takes a seat on the throne and holds up the microphone.

Hastings: It is my honor to welcome everyone back to these United States! Now, not everyone may have watched us last week online, so you foolish fans that just get your results from 411 or someplace, you think your Lord was defeated by Travis Roberts last week at Break for the Border. However, the truth is that Glenn Burke made a mistake, and this mistake was...mistakenly...broadcast to the world. You see, the Ultimate Submission Match actually ended...in a draw. A tie. There was no clear winner to speak of, and mind you we're ignoring that silly nonsense that followed from the midget in the penguin costume.

Vinegar: Hastings is of course referring to the fact that Boss P did not allow the match to end in a draw, and restarted the match in sudden death.

Hanson: Don't talk over the Lord-Chief!

Hastings: As a result, Blessed Immortality, already without question the best team in the history of professional wrestling, is now the co-Undisputed Global Champions. Unfortunately, Travis Roberts has been...unavoidably detained...and cannot be here tonight, leaving me here as the sole representative of the Global Championship for the evening, and as such it falls to me to respond to the new contenders to our championship.

Vinegar: By which Hastings is referring to Team Mary-Joanna, all of whom survived their match and are collectively the new #1 contenders.

Hanson: You're doing it again!

Hastings: Blessed Immortality is not concerned with these peasants, these pretenders to the throne. In fact, I will deal with two of them later tonight. In the meantime, enjoy our show, praise your Lord at your leisure, and prepare for the inevitable.

Vinegar: I would be shocked, but I can’t say anything Hastings does anymore surprises me, no matter how deluded, things must be very stranger in his mind...

Hanson: You don’t have the capacity to even contemplate the extreme complexity of the Lord Chief’s mind, if you even tried for a few moments you’d have an aneurism...in fact why not try it now?

Vinegar: Or we could just get on with the show?

The arena drops to complete darkness for a few seconds as the crowd prepares themselves for Mickey Dragon's entrance. After a couple of seconds, flash bulbs start going off in the crowd, as if they're about to watch the second coming of some demonic Jesus Christ. An organ begins to play quite a very mellow dirge over the loudspeakers and a white light slowly dims its way over the stage.

After twenty seconds of this organ, Avenged Sevenfold's bassist breaks the solemnity of this moment with a power riff that blasts the entire entranceway white for a split second. The bass now matches the organ note-for-note before being joined by a lead guitar slicing itself through the dirge. It is then that we see Mickey Dragon.

He has risen from under the stage and now stands on the center of the stage, head down, dripping wet and running down his face. This bright white light continues to flicker every couple of notes as the crowd cheers their head off at the hero standing on the stage. Flashbulbs continue to pop as Dragon remains steadfast in his motionless position.

The guitar and bass suddenly break into a heavy metal solo, destroying all substance to the solemnity and becoming more of a destructive, ear-piercing suicide of music. The white is no longer randomly flashing, but keeping the beat with the song on the stage as Dragon's head begins to bang on the stage, water flying from his bald head like a mud puddle being blown apart by a speeding tractor-trailer.

M. Shadows, lead singer of Avenged Sevenfold greets the crowd with his opening lyrics as Mickey Dragon struts slowly down the ramp way.

Shh, be quiet, you might piss somebody off
Like me motherf**ker,
You've been at it for too long
While you feed off others insecurities
You stand in front of me and bite the hand that feeds

Dragon stops every couple of steps to shake hands with his fans. They are near riot from his appearance and they shake the foundation of the arena with their stomping, cheering, screaming, and singing with the song. Dragon nearly has to pry himself off the railing from groups of fans trying to pull him into their madness, and he continues up the entranceway.

As he reaches the ring, he steps onto the apron, screaming out to the crowd. He then proceeds to front-flip into the ring as M. Shadows belts out the chorus to this song.

I've had enough, its time for something real
i don't respect the words you're speaking, gone too far
a clone!!

As this chorus is being screamed to the masses, Dragon ascends a turnbuckle. The lights in the arena go out
a second time and that same white light bears down upon him, giving him some sort of sadistic look to him. He hops down and when Shadows screams the word "clone," flames shoot from each corner and the lights instantly come on.

Dennis: Ladies and gentlemen, introducing first standing six foot two inches, weighting in at 220 pounds, please welcome back, FINALLY, Mickey Dragon!

Hanson: Hey what the hell?

Vinegar: Huh?

Hanson: Don’t we usually get to banter, I obsess over Gabrielle, profess more undying man love for Travis or Lord Chief ‘UN’(disputed) Champion Nigga, I insult the fans, you, stick my Hanson Cannon in YO MOMMA’s rotten corpse belly button, and then eventually get to calling the match?

‘Step Up’ by Drowning Pool hits

1, 2, 3 – Go!

Wearing his normal wrestling gear and a white singlet, William Everknight steps onto the ramp and walks straight to the ring, stopping for no one. There's no pyro, he doesn't need it. Will enters over the middle rope before climbing a corner and ripping off his sweaty singlet, then throwing it into the audience where it's caught by an adoring fan (normally a hot blonde!) Finally, Will pumps himself up before the match begins...

Dennis: And his first opponent. Standing five foot eleven inches, weighting in at 225 pounds, makings his debut, this is ‘Fighting Spirit’ William Everknight!

Vinegar: Well yeah, but usually the writer doesn’t forget semi-major holidays or the breakfast plans he has with his wife and almost two year old daughter. I wouldn’t be surprised if this, and more than likely the next match took a turn down ‘Recap Blvd’ after Vanity’s introduction.

"Last Resort" By Papa Roach hits the speakers and Vanity as he normally does comes sauntering out onto the stage, pulling his shades down to the tip of his nose to look out upon his adoring fans....or the people spitting at him. The spotlight is directly on him as he poses for the crowd at the top of the stage which surely incites boo's or rioting. He struts his way down the ramp/or aisle depending on which you have and mocks members of the crowd often as he gets to ringside. He then jumps up onto the apron and turns around with the ropes to his back, stepping up onto the first rope and spreads his arms out to receive the unadultered love...or hatred from his fans.

Dennis: And their opponent also making their debut, standing six foot five inches and weighting in at 265 pounds, this is ‘The Pretty One’ Vanity ShowWood!

Hanson: Recap? I love recaps! It gives me a good…

Yeah lets get right to it, because the wife is glaring at me through my glass office doors. Basically the match flows tremendously back and forth with all three competitors having a particular brutal exchange of chain wrestling throws. Vanity eventually gains the upper hand with a sudden Flashbulb to Everknight which backs him into the corner sandwiching Referee Chassie Fear. He turns to attack Mickey with his vanity mirror, Mickey grabs the mirror, and smashes it over Vanity’s head. Mickey charges the corner, Will side steps the avalanche, Mickey backs up, Will then uses the corner to assist with a Hurricanrana sending Mickey to the outside, and William landing on his feet. Fight Spirt slide into the ring and catches a still dazed Vanity with the Everknight Alpha for the three count.

The whole time Hanson and Vinegar bag on the writer about fucking forgetting fathers day. They make mention how all three deserve a better match, but Hanson reminds Vinegar that the world sucks as much as his momma siphoning gas for her whore mobile.

In the ring post match, William offers Vanity a good sportsman like handshake, Vanity snarls at ‘The Kid’, and Mickey Dragon lays him out from behind with a chair before turning the chair to Everknight while Chassie lays the boots to Vanity for throwing Will into her in the corner.

Dennis: Ladies and Gentlemen, here is your winner, William Everknight!

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

The words ‘Four Days Ago’ flash across the screen, and then we see Travis being held face down on the tarmac of the border between the United States and Mexico, by two huge United States Immigration Officers, who resemble the inbred offspring of Aesc the Dark and ‘The Monster’ Dredd rather than law enforcement officers. As we see one of them exert more pressure on the face of the Unified Global Champion, we can make out, in the horizon the fleeing shape of Pedro, high tailing it further into the United States of America.

Travis attempts to protest that he is actually an American Citizen, we see the man without his knee on the Blessed Ones face, reach into his belt, grab a tazer and then shock The TWiSTeD Guerrilla until he passes out, and our scene fades back into the GIW Arena, and the present day.

Vinegar: Christ, Hastings is going to have a lot to answer for when the Champion returns...

Hanson: Co-Champ...and besides Hastings was only doing Travis a favour, it’s obvious ‘the Headliner’ needed a week off, he’s been ever present since last summer, it was an act of understanding...unfortunately with no blame of Donovan’s, it’s all gone slightly wrong...

Vinegar: That’s an understatement.

Dennis: Random Internet insult, and other random internet insults, introducing first, standing 6’9, weighting 345 pounds! This is the Monster Dirge!

Hanson: That’s it Mitchell’s lost it.

Vinegar: No I think Dirge took the moniker use Dredd had to much real life work for us.

Hanson: Must be nice.

Almost as if on cue “The One You Love to Hate” begins to blare through the arena as the lights drop and “MOMENTUM KILLER” flashes across the PPW tron in huge gold letters. A few moments later the bass drum and drum beat starts and a video plays of Dirge driving an opponent head first into the canvas with the “Death In Vegas” before standing up and raising his hands. After a few moments the lyrics start.

“You may not like the future and we’re not here to please you…we’ll take you to the killing floor.”
“You think you want to know me. You think you want to own me, but I have nothing you can buy.”
“I can break you.”

As the lyrics say “break you” it shows Dirge demolishing Matt Daniels with the “Respect is Earned”, leaving him in a heap.

“ I can raise you.”

The video shows Dirge holding a Championship Belt over his head as a huge grin sits on his face.

“Bring you to your knees…”

The video shows Dirge flattening “The Savior”.

“Because I’m the one you love to hate”

The video package shows Dirge standing with the RAWF World Heavyweight Championship held overhead as a furious audience is shown booing hatefully at him. His face is covered by a satisfied, ear to ear smile.

After this plays strobe lights flash for a few moments before suddenly going out as two spotlights shine onto the stage. They stay settled on that spot for a few moments before Dirge comes walking out to the ring with a gigantic and utterly obnoxious smirk of unshakable confidence on his face. The RAWF World Heavyweight and ICW Television Championship each adorn a shoulder. Behind him Erik Drugonov walks out and stands a few steps away, folding his arms across his chest. Dirge stands and soaks in the raw hatred of the crowd before slowly sauntering down to the ring. Once he gets there he waits for Erik to walk up to his side and relieve him of the two Championships before he grabs the top rope and steps up onto the apron. He dusts his feet off on the ring apron and steps over the top rope, striding to center ring. He stands there silently with his arms folded across his chest as Erik walks around the ring, up the steps and then enters the ring. He walks up a few steps behind Dirge and stands there with the two Championships resting on a shoulder each. Dirge waits for him to get into the ring and then looks at his opponent before making a dismissive motion with his hands. He doesn't stop to see what the person does, he just takes both Championships from Erik, one in each hand and holds them high overhead. The fans boo the blatant showboating, which only draws a smile from him. After turning to all four corners of the ring and displaying the Championships he turns to his opponent and holds the two Championships out, blatantly showing them off to his opponent. He stands like that with an obnoxious grin on his face before finally handing the belts back to Erik. After that he smirks and laughs at the person then backs into his corner and lets the referee check him.*

Dennis:

Hanson: WAIT! We don’t even get to talk during the entrances now!

Vinegar: Some might not know that look the wife gives you when she thinks you’re being a selfish arsehole, but believe me, well the writers getting it now, and can’t think of a clever way to put that he’s gotta get this shit done in record time.

Hanson: Should we start apologizing to Dirge and Serapis now?

Dennis: Fuckwits! Interrupt me again and see what happens! Folks his opponent standing 6’3”, weighting 235 pounds, this is Serapis!

Nile - In Their Darkened Shrines II: Invocation to Seditious Heresy begins to play the screen effects change to a video montage of oriental structures, serpents, pyramids, ankhs, scorpions, and other such symbolism. Likewise, he begins to enter the forward stage and performs his taunt after pausing. Afterwards, he looks around to each side of the arena in his suddenly insanity and runs towards the ring.

-And we’re off. Hanson bitches about being silenced while Vinegar pleads for mercy and remarks about how much shit I’ma get for this. *Looking at you P*

The match is much more even than it appears by the tale of the tape. Serapis manages to control a large portion of the match using his smaller size and speed to keep Dirge off center, eventually hitting an incredibly stiff enziguri to a turning Dirge’s face busting him open just under the eye. Dirge though proves just to big at the end when catches Serapis in mid rapid fire attack, and hits a snap type variation of Death In Vegas to win a match that was almost to close to call.

Hanson: Do we apologize now?

Vinegar: No time. Fucking fathers day, and I’m probably not gonna get none. I already miss Derrick’s writing.

Hanson: Later gators! Hope the rest of the show is better than this shit.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

We return from commercials and the screen is filled with the words ‘TWO DAYS AGO’ and we see The Unified Global Champion, Travis Roberts emerging from the doors of a New Mexico Immigration Holding Center, into the bright sun, as he walks away we can hear the Blessed One muttering to himself.

Travis: Two days? Two days? Sure The Blessed One didn’t have his passport, seems Mexico’s answer to Peter Damascus managed to steal it from The Headliner whilst Travis Roberts spent two days on the back of a donkey, sure people have compared the impact of Travis Roberts on GIW with that of another Donkey riding long haired individual, but The Blessed One should never be forced into such a form of transport in this day and age.

Travis: As for these damn mongoloid hicks that apparently police our borders, Travis Roberts isn’t at all surprised immigration is such a problem in our country. These guys obviously can’t read newspapers, use the internet or watch TV, otherwise it would never have taken them forty eight hours to discover who ‘The Headliner’ was. Just the idea that anyone could impersonate looking this perfect is retarded beyond belief.

Travis: Now the only question is how to get back to LA? The Blessed One is pretty certain this Rolex Pedro gave him as thank you will get him adequate transport back, time to find the nearest car rental place...

Witht hat Travis looks down at the obviously fake Rolex watch across his wrist see’s it’s sixty four minutes past midday, and quickens his step as the scene once again fades into the present.

Hanson: Maybe he’s here after all, it wouldn’t be a long drive...we can still hope we’ll get an appearance from the Co-Undisputed Unified Global Champion...

Vinegar: Look, we’re no gonna keep adding words to it, even if Hastings is on another one of his ‘trips’. And whether Travis Roberts is able to get to the arena or not, it’s irrelevant right now, as we’re moments away from Chassie Fear’s first defence of the GIW.com Championship.

Hanson: Shopuldn’t be a long match really, she’ll easily cope with Michael Cappelli, and didn’t I hear something about matches being relatively short if not enough people volunteered.

Vinegar: Volunteered? I have no earthly idea what you’re talking about.

Hanson: At this point neither do I...

“Swagger Like Us” hits the stadium PA.

Dennis: The next match is scheduled for one fall and is for the GIW.com Championship, making his way to the ring, from Houston, Texas, he is MICHAEEEEEEEL, CAAAAAAAAAAPPEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLIIIIIII!!!

Vinegar: This is this young man’s second shot at the GIW.com title, having lost to Chassie Fear a week before Break for the Border in a triple threat match with Moss Edwards. A great start to his second spell in GIW...

Hanson: he was here before?

Vinegar: I’m pretty sure we covered this before, he was here about the same time as Solomon...

Hanson: Who?

Vinegar: The crazy monk.

Hanson: Ah, so he was part of the complete waste of space generation, fair play to the lad, he’s done himself proud climbing into the not worthy of my consideration bracket.

Vinegar: you’re a kind man, Dan.

Hanson: Aren’t I just!

“Cyanide Sweet Tooth Suicide” fades into existence.

Dennis: And his opponent, and GIW.com Champion....CHAAAAAAAAAAAASIE FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAR!!!

Vinegar: She’ll be looking to get over that disappointing first elimination at Break for the Border, up until that moment her team had been handling themselves well...

Hanson: She didn’t really want to help Boss P, I’m sure of it, she got what she wanted the week before, the GIW.com Championship, Chassie is an intelligent woman, she knew she’d have no chance against the Lord Chief or Travis Roberts anyway, so what did she have to lose in helping bring down that web footed fascist?

Vinegar: No-one throws away a chance at the Unified Global Title, Dan, no-body.

Hanson: That’s just a matter of opinion.

Vinegar: Well both competitors are in the ring now and the bell is sounded and The Nightmare makes the first move and takes the Dark Rose down with a head scissors, and then gets to his feet before dropping a quick knee to the gut of the Champion.

Hanson: Chassie now rolling away to give herself the space to get back to her feet and she gets to her knee’s, looks at Cappeli and charges full speed at him, connecting with a shoulder block of surprising strength for a woman weighing just 120 pounds, sending her opponent, a whole hundred pounds heavier stumbling backwards, before flooring him with a spinning kick...

Vinegar: the champion now taking control of proceedings and wearing her opponent down with three or four stomps and then drags him to his feet before hitting him with a a codebreaker, which is executed with such force Cappeli is flung backwards into the turnbuckle where he rests, as Chassie charges at hima dn attempts a running knee strike...

Hanson: But The Nightmare moves and Chassie is now hung upside down in the corner, Cappeli grabbing her head, puts it over his shoulder, walks a few steps, extending Chassie from the turnbuckle, and then drops executing a neckbreaker, and simultaneously frees the Dark Rose from the ropes with jarring effect.

Vinegar: Now Cappeli drags Chassie to her feet, and hits her with a standing dropkick this time forcing her back into the corner, and he hits her with a spear to her midsection and she slowly falls to her knee’s and then face first to the floor, and Cappeli takes the chance to cover her...

1...

2...

Hanson: No! The Dark Rose gets her shoulder up...

Vinegar: Cappeli not deterred though, and he drags Chassie to her feet and whips her against the ropes...

Hanson: But Chassie ducks the clothesline, and responds on the way back with a Hurricanrana, and holds the legs...

1...

2...

Vinegar: NO! The Nightmare manages to klck out..and wait a minute...that’s....Nikko! Whats he doing here?

Hanson: Who? I don’t recognise him?

Vinegar: Chassie had his match tonight cancelled and it looks like he wants to get some measure fo vengeance...and Chassie hasn’t seen him as he makes his way to ringside. Both Chassie and Michael back on their feet, unaware of Nathans’ presence at ringside, and Chassie hits Michael with a Pele Kick, which floors the challenger,a nd then turns to the ropes...Springboa....NO!

Hanson: That Nicky guy just grabbed Chassie’s leg from the outside...

Vinegar: But The Dark Rose is able to land on her feet, and she doesn’t look best pleased with Nikko’s attempted interference, but she fails to realise Cappeli climbing to his feet...

Hanson: And the Nightmare grabs her shoulder...

Vinegar: But the Dark Rose is aware enough to strike him with an elbow to the face, spins around....TWILIGHT!!!

1...


2...


Hanson: NO! I don’t believe it Cappeli just kicked out of Twilight!

Vinegar: Just barely though, and now Chassie climbs to the top rope, to finish this defence once and for all...FEARLESS!!!

Hanson: NO! Cappelli moves, and Chassie’s 260 Shooting Star Press ends with her skull slamming into the mat...and Cappeli quickly makes the cover...

1...

2...

3!!!

Dennis: Here is your winner, and NEW GIW.com Champion....MICHAEEEEEEL CAAAAAPPPPEEEEELLLLLIIIIIIII!!!

Hanson: I didn’t expect that...

Vinegar: Cappeli shows the desire to take the title tonight, Chassie managed to overcome Nikko Nulty Nathans attempted interference, but ‘The Nightmare’ just caught a lucky break, which see’s him walk out of GIW’s first show back on American soil, as the new GIW.com Champion! We’ll be back after these messages.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

We return, and yet again words scroll across the screen this time stating ‘Twelve Hours Ago’, and we are greeted to the sight of Travis Roberts his face pressed against glass, with a look of pure dread and humiliation spread across his face. The camera zooms out and we see why, The Headliner is sat on a Greyhound Bus, surrounded by the type of people he generally pays good money to avoid, and a queue of obese, sweaty passengers queuing up to get on board. As The Blessed one reluctantly closes hsi eyes in an attempt to block out the unfortunate few hours ahead and memories of the hours past, we fade back to the present and the GIW Arena.

Vinegar: You’re watching the GIW Homecoming show! We’re back in Los Angeles and putting on a hell of a show.

Hanson: You know yeah, it’s not actually been too bad. Well could have been worse anyway.

Vinegar: Unfortunately we’ve only got two matches left on the card.

Hanson: Yeah it’s unfortunate we have to have two. This next one, like so many before it just a waste of time before we are graced with the Lord Chief.

Vinegar: Weren’t you cheering Travis on to beat him last week?

Hanson: Yeah but he’s still greater than anyone else on this card and besides, we don’t get the privilege of The Blessed One tonight. So fine, let’s get the hobo versus the masked drunk over with.

Lamb of God's "Redneck" explodes into existence over the p.a. and then destroys life as a macabre, dark purple light fills the arena with a sinister and misty disdain as our Resident Evil, Raenius, walks out slowly, proudly wearing his uCw Kings of Hardcore t-shirt, clearly showing it's print saying 'We Bleed For You' for the world to see. He stalks bestially down the isle emanating hatred before he jumps up onto the apron, knee-first, and pulls himself upright using the ropes. He stands, looking out at the crowd for a few seconds before entering the ring.

Dennis: The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Now entering the ring, weighing in at 252lbs, one half of the GIW Tag Team Champions! Raaaaaaaenius!

Dennis: And the opponent…

Raenius’s music cuts out and Mask of Sanity starts to play. Peter Damascus appears to walk out to the top of the ramp, closely followed by Bianca Rowe. He’s wearing a black hoody which is pulled up over his head but left open at the front.

Hanson: Oh geez they’ve made him wear tights? That’s disgusting. Why am I sure we’re going to see the worlds most horrific wardrobe malfunction in the next fifteen minutes?

Damascus walks halfway down the ramp, head bowed then stops.

Dennis: And his opponent! Weighing in at 216lbs, the Empty Eyed Anarchist! Peter D-

As Dennis is about to make his announcement Damascus throws his head back, casting the hood off. Pyros erupt along the stage behind him and the musically instantly changes to The Air That I Breathe.

Dennis: D…D…Declan Prescott?

Vinegar: Declan Prescott?

Hanson: Declan Prescott!?

Ace: Declan ******* Prescott!?

Bones: D-D-D-Declan P-P-P-Prescott?

Boss P: THAT NIGGA!?

Peterson: Declan Prescott?

Hermit: DECLAN PRESCOTT?

Bling: Dat Declan Prescott homie?

Obese Tony: Decwan Prethcott?

Hanson: Enough! Shit where did you all come from?

Prescott throws off the hoody and charges into the ring, not waiting to take it to Raenius.

Vinegar: Declan Prescott returns to Sentinel and he’s wasting no time getting back into the action, taking it to Raenius with rights and lefts to the head and body, driving him back to the ropes!

Hanson: I can’t believe it! Declan Prescott is back. Catch me if I feint Nick.

Vinegar: I can’t promise that. Prescott with an Irish whip. Goes for a clothesline but it’s ducked by Raenius.

Hanson: Of all our luck hey!? We thought we were just going to get that hobo Damascus and instead we’re getting the Significant Player!

Vinegar: Oh right so you haven’t worked it out yet. Figures. Raenius still running, comes back off the ropes and shoulder blocks Prescott to the mat. Followed up with a big elbow drop across the sternum and that looked like it took the wind out of him. A good job by the tag team champion to absorb that initial momentum and bring the match to his pace.

Hanson: Worked it out? Worked what out?
Vinegar: Oh come on. Prescott. Damascus. They always looked pretty similar right. One second, Raenius dragging Prescott back to his feet and takes him over with a snap suplex.

Hanson: Declan Prescott and Peter Damascus? Similar? What’s wrong with you? Damascus is a grubby hobo. Declan Prescott is the pinnacle of the male human form.

Vinegar: I’m sure he appreciates your physical admiration for him.

Hanson: Quiet gay, yo momma admires the physical form of my cock.

Vinegar: Brilliant. Better close your eyes because your boyfriend is getting pretty beat up. Raenius has been putting the boot to him and Prescott retreated to the corner. Raenius has dragged him back up into his feet and is working the body with those punches.

Hanson: So why do you think he chose now to come back to us?

Vinegar: Raenius with a whip across the ring to the far corner. Big running clothesline in the corner and Raenius just throws him back out to the centre. I don’t imagine this is what Declan had in mind for his big return. He’s pushing himself back up but takes a standing neck breaker for the effort.

Hanson: Nick!

Vinegar: What?

Hanson: I asked you a question.

Vinegar: Sorry I was doing my job. Raenius bringing him back to his feet again. Prescott rakes the eyes! Raenius swings blindly but Declan avoids it and hit’s a dropkick knocking his opponent to the ropes. Prescott off running- No! He gets elevated out to the floor with a big back drop.

Hanson: So…why do you think he came back now?

Vinegar: I dunno, his beard was probably getting itchy or something.

Hanson: Huh? Wait-dammit they’re not the same.

Vinegar: Bianca Rowe going to check on her charge but Prescott seems ok, for the most part. Raenius is beckoning him to climb back and I’m not sure Declan wants to.

Hanson: Bah, The Significant Player is ready for anything. Watch him turn this right round.
Vinegar: Prescott slides in and unsurprisingly Raenius jumps on him with those stomps. Prescott fights through the onslaught though and sweeps Raenius down and straight into a spinning leg drop. Ok answer me this Dan. If Prescott isn’t Damascus, why is Bianca Rowe out here?

Hanson: Well obviously she dropped Damascus to get with a real man.

Vinegar: Declan looking to mount a comeback. He’s dragging Raenius up this time and whips him into the corner. Lighting up the chest with those knife edge chops. Oh, look she’s coming this way. Bianca!

Rowe: That’s Miss Rowe.

Vinegar: Sorry, Miss Rowe. What happened to Peter Damascus?

Rowe: He was Declan Prescott all along, obviously.

Vinegar: See.

Hanson: …

Vinegar: Declan with another whip sends Raenius across the ring. Running in, Raenius gets a boot up. Superkick out of the corner! Cover.

1!

2!

Vinegar: No, kick out by Prescott. Raenius back in control though and hoisting Prescott up.

Hanson: Peter Damascus was Declan Prescott all along! It makes perfect sense.

Vinegar: Of course it does. Raenius with an Irish whip, big sidewalk slam on the rebound. Another pin attempt.

1!

Hanson: Going to take more than that to beat the Significant Player. I can’t believe you were really convinced by that whole hobo disguise.

Vinegar: Me convinced? Maybe I was but at least I could see what was right in front of my eyes. Unlike Prescott who looks like he’s about to take a Full Frontal and not see it coming.

Hanson: Miss Rowe grabs Raenius’s foot in the corner.

Vinegar: The Resident Evil kicks her off into the barrier. Prescott’s recovered though. Raenius turns back. SIGNIFICANT IMPACT!!! Cover.

1!

2!

3!

Ding! Ding!

Vinegar: Declan Prescott makes a successful official return to the ring but he didn’t make it easy on himself.

Hanson: The Significant Player is a showman. A big squash like he’s capable of wouldn’t have been as much fun for these fans.

Vinegar: Yeah because Declan Prescott has always put the fans first.

Hanson: Of course he does. Now he’s back it’s only a matter of time before this company is back in good hands.

Vinegar: Something tells me after what we’ve seen from him in recent weeks. Prescott’s hands are far from good.

Hanson: Even as Peter Damascus, Declan Prescott was nothing but a paragon.

Vinegar: What? You hated Damascus with a passion.

Hanson: I did no such thing.

Declan quickly rolls out of the ring as Raenius slowly comes too. Bianca Rowe holds his arm up as they back up the ramp together before passing out of sight.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

The scene opens and the words ‘Moments Ago’ Flash across the screen, and we soon see GIW Unified Global Champion, Travis Roberts striding through the parking lot to the backstage entrance. As if by a lucky coincidence, before the Headliner can make his way through the doors, they swing open and Tate Levene appears and looks up with a pleasant smile at his employer.

Tate: Hey boss! You took your time getting here tonight, you been living it large since we got back.

Travis just looks at Tate in disbelief, his hair is matted, sand irritates between his ffet, and he is wearing the same clothes he had been wearing a week ago. It takes The Blessed One a while to reply, but he eventually does so.

Travis: You didn’t notice Travis Roberts wasn’t on the plane?

Tate shrugs.

Tate: You weren’t? I just assumed you’d upgraded to get away from Gran, but I’m glad your here now, there is something you should kn...

Travis: You didn’t realise, The Headliner wasn’t there? It beggars belief...but no matter, the main event hasn’t started yet, where the hell is Donovan Hastings...

Tate: Forget about him, listen to me, he’s back...

Travis: Of course he is, nobody cancelled his damn ticket home did they?

Tate: No, he’s back...

Travis: As the Headliner stated he’s not surprised, everyone except the Highest Standard in GIW has been back for days, you were all living it up on the strip as The Headliner bounced around on the back of a goddamn donkey!

Tate: Look you’re not listening to me...Declan is back...

Travis: Why would Travis Roberts listen to you? You didn’t even notice your boss didn’t make it back into the company! Of this moment The Blessed One is only interested in, once again, putting that damn delusional ‘Lord’ back in his place. God only knows what he’s been up to in the Blessed Ones absence, he probably hired those Burly men again and announced himself Co-Undisputed Unified Global Champion, or something equally as retar...

Travis’ brain catches up with his spoken train of thought, and he suddenly realises what Tate has just said. He stops and just stares as Tate...

Travis: De...Dec...Declan?

Tate just nods at his employer.

Travis: Declan’s back? Right....ok...Hastings can wait...

With that we return to the arena, and the fans are going wild in anticipation of the Main Event tonight.

Hanson: I’m still in shock.

Vinegar: it looks like Travis.

Hanson: That’s jsut an act, if anyone knew what Declan was up to, it was Travis, those two are tight as anything.

Vinegar: We didn’t just see the response of a man who didn’t know that was about to happen...in fact it’s the first time I think I’ve seen ‘The Headliner’ visibly taken aback...speechless even...

Hanson: Don’t doubt Travis Roberts, or Declan Prescott, the Revolution are the premier minds of our industry, don’t pretend you understand their motivations and decisions, you’re not even in the same phase of evolution as they are!

Vinegar: Well I think it’s time to get on with our main event tonight, all four competitors are already in the ring...

Hanson: that’s because of the lack of volunteers tonight, unfortunately the entrances have been sacrificed, and lets be fair they usually make up like seven hundred or so words of the entire match, so this may seem deceptively short, but there will probably be more action involved.

Vinegar: There you go with talk of volunteers again, and I still can’t fathom what your babbling about.

Hanson: it’s probably best it stays that way.

Vinegar: Why?

Hanson: I’m not sure, just seemed like the right thing to say at that juncture.

Vinegar: Ok, on that note let’s get this match underway, and its gonna be ‘Lord’ Donovan Hastings and ‘Diamond’ Jack Severino to hook up first.

Hanson: This could be over in moments, The Lord Chief is gonna take The Biggest Mistake of gabby’s Life apart in mere moments, just you wait and see. There’s the bell!

Vinegar: And contrary to Dan’s predictions it is DJS that takes the advantage getting behind Hastings straight away and slamming the Lord to the floor with a Full nelson Slam, and then drops a leg over his throat.

Hanson: the Lord, quickly scrambles away and gets back to his feet, doing the smart thing and holding onto the ropes to ensure Glenn burke keeps DJS away until he is upright.

Vinegar: As soon as Hastings releases the ropes ‘Diamond’ Jack is upon him once more, and this time takes him down with a headlock and then floats over and grabs Hastings leg in a modified lock...

Hanson: Stupid idea from Severino, only Travis Roberts can match the Lord in terms of technique and skill, adn the Lord Demonstrates this by reversing the hold, and ending up with ‘Diamond’ Jack’s leg in his possession, and he climbs to his feet as he twists on it, and then drops his leg across the DJS’ knee, causing Jack to scream out in pain...

Vinegar: It’s worth noting, and I’m surprised my colleague hasn’t yet, that Gabby is indeed at ringside, and she turns away as she see’s Hastings land a sickening stomp to DJS’ skull before turning and tagging in ‘The Dragon’...

Hanson: Kiseragi awaits the rising DJS and then springs into action and runs directly at Jack, attempts a Shining Wizard, but Jack manages to roll out of the way, and Alex gets tangled in the ropes...

Vinegar: DJS reaching out for the tag, but BoolZ backs off...

Hanson: HA! Of course he does, they may be team amtes tonight...but in a few weeks they will be opponents going for that Unified Global Championship, and it;s gonna be tough enough beating the Lord and The Blessed One...

Vinegar: Oh Please, they’ll only be facing Travis Roberts...but despite that, for once, I think your right, Randy Boolzian looks entirely uninterested in proceedings here tonight, at least so far he does...and A-Kis isn;t going to worry as he drags DJS back into the centre of the ring and lifts him to his feet, before aiming a barrage of low kicks to the lower legs of DJS, before DJS can no longer stand and falls to his feet...A-Kis then spins 360 degree’s and aim’s a kick at DJS’ head, but Jack manages to duck, reach up and slam A-Kis back to the floor...before stumbling directly to his corner, and slapping BoolZ on the chest....

Hanson: Randy climbs into the ring casually, and looks down at Alex Kiseragi, and as The Dragon rises he surges forward and hits him with a somersault neck breaker and then kips up to his feet. Much to the delight of these fans.

Vinegar: And Kiseragi, msuter his strength, and repeats BoolZ’s feat, and he too kips up onto his feet, and both men lock eyes before turning from one another and simultaneously run the ropes, A-Kis ducks under a running clothesline from BoolZ, then Randy manages to leapfrog over A_kis on his return, before both men collide in the centre of the ring hitting one another with clotheslines...

Hanson: A-Kis rolls to his side, and once again tags in The Lord Chief, who charges the rising Radny Boolzian, and takes him down with a shoulder barge, before dragging him to his feet, only for Randy to surprise him with an uppercut, then turns, springboards off the middlerope, and then takes Hastings to the ground with a Hurricanrana, before quickly turning to his corner and tagging in DJS, by slapping him directly across the face...

Vinegar: DJS manages to draw his attention from the blatant disrespect from his own partner, and grabs the downed Hastings and heaves him over his shoulder, before crushing him to the floor with a running powerslam, that shakes the ring, he then goes for the cover...

1...

2...

Hanson: NO! The Lord Chief gets his foot on the rope, and DJS forced to go back to the drawing board, and he lifts Hastings back to his feet, and hits him with a chop across the chest before grabbing him by the head and lifting him into a Vertical Suplex and he holds it...

Vinegar: And continues to hold...

Hanson: And holds some more...

Vinegar: Before kicking his legs out from under him and slamming Hastings back directly into the mat, a great display of power from the New Zealander there...he gets back to his feet and whips Hastings into the turnbuckle and follows him in, only to be greeted by a foot to the face, and then a bulldog that takes Jack to the ground....and Hastings scrambles to his corner and tags back in The Dragon, who flips over the rope , lands on his feet and awaits DJS getting to his feet...

Hanson: And as DJS gets to his knee’s he charges....SHIIIIIINIIIIIIING WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIZAAAAAARD!!!

Vinegar: And this time he’s hit it, DJS had no chance of dodging that, The Dragon came at him with immense speed...now The Dragon awaits DJS again, and when Jack is back on his feet, Alex goes from standing before him, to sitting on his shoulders in the blink of an eye...HURRICANRAN...

Hanson: NO!

Vinegar: DJS with immense strength pulls Alex back up...POWERBOM...

Hanson: WRONG AGAIN!

Vinegar: A-Kis flips ou, and lands on his feet before DJS, who manages to grab The Dragon and whip him into the ropes...

Hanson: The Dragon ducks an attempted Big Boot, keeps running...and on the return....

Vinegar: ROLLING CLUTCH PIN!!!!

1...

2...

3!!!

Dennis: here are your winners, LORD DOOOONOVAAAAAN HAAAASTINGS AND ALLLLEEEEEEEEEEEX KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISERAAAAAAAAAAAGIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!

Vinegar: out of nowhere ‘The Dragon’ grabs the win for his team, and ‘Diamond’ jack looks shocked, Randy Boolzian is just smirking, and Donovan Hastings is taking possibly more credit than he is deserving of for this win.

Hanson: Listen to you, you Lord Chief hater...they couldn’t have done this without him.

Vinegar: An abrupt ending to a dramatic return to the American Shores, join us next week as GIW continues its return to these shores! GOODNIGHT!

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Credits

T-Rob Segments
T-Rob

Opening rambling
T-Rob

Nikko vs Mitch
Andy Savana

Hastings Announcement
Hastings

Triple Threat Match
BoolZ

Serapis vs Dirge
BoolZ

GIW.com Title Match
T-Rob

Raenius vs Prescott
A-Kis

Main Event
T-Rob

Editor
T-Rob