Post by T-Robosaurus Rex on Mar 23, 2024 17:54:34 GMT -5
Voiceover: In 2010, Tarquin Blunt started the Blunt Entertainment Corporation, BEC, a Local TV Network covering New Jersey. Initially a huge success it’s refreshing and contemporary line-up drew in viewers in the thousands.
However in 2024 viewing figures have dwindled, and the shareholders are unhappy. So they’ve sent out the SOS to Entertainment Salvation, and renowned entertainer T.V McMedia, to turn the ship around.
A familiarly masked man sits in a car and looks directly into the camera.
McMedia: We’re here, just over the road are the BEC studios, unfortunately I’m familiar with their content, so let’s go and see how the ‘magic’ is made behind the scenes.
He gets out of the car and strides across the road into the building's reception area.
McMedia: I’m here to see Tarquin Blunt.
Receptionist: Ah, Mr McMedia, yes I’ll call him right away.
McMedia: Madame…
Receptionist: It’ll just be one moment sir, I’m trying to get through to his office.
McMedia: Madame, that’s a banana.
The camera moves to show the receptionist is holding a piece of fruit to her ear.
McMedia: Enough of this, I’m going in!
Despite the objections he walks through the doors behind her and down a corridor, he strides into the first door he sees.
He stops in his tracks to find a room that stretches far beyond the horizon, filled with rows upon rows of desks and typewriters.
And Monkeys.
Monkeys as far as the eye can see doing exactly what infinite monkeys would do when presented with infinite typewriters, frolicking, fornicating and flinging excrement at one another.
McMedia steps out and closes the door slowly, looking at the sign on it.
McMedia shakes his head and turns down the corridor, bursting through another door without looking and stops abruptly, this time clutching at his nose to fight the smell.
Inside this room are numerous desks and computers. Sat behind each desk is a human, staring intently at the screen. Many of whom have cultivated unsightly neckbeards.
McMedia walks behind them, observing their screens.
One is on a Star Trek message board sending a direct message to another user threatening to commit heinous acts on their kin if they continue to argue that Janeway is better than Sisko.
Another is scrolling through Instagram making negative comments about peoples physical appearances, while simultaneously combing the beard on his third chin.
He sees another on a Wrestling RP-ing Discord site explaining they are taking a break from competing so they can commit more time to journaling their lives on the discord channels.
When he sees someone else on X he turns and walks out of the room in disgust, once again looking at the sign on it.
He shakes his head again and turns to another door, this time though he looks at the sign on it before he strides in.
The room has a number of large storage bins lined up against the wall, filled to the brim with various different items, an exhausted looking man reaches into it and pulls out a soft toy bunny and throws it halfheartedly at the wall. When it bounces off he walks with sloped shoulders to a desk and presses a button on a computer. He then walks back to the storage bins this time throwing a jar of pickles at the wall, the cycle repeats.
McMedia looks at the document on the the screen. It is Titled ‘Project Throw {CENSORED} At The Wall And See What Sticks.’ Currently the only successful entry in the project is {CENSORED}.
He walks out of the room.
McMedia: I’ve seen enough.
Now he walks the halls with purpose, until he finds the office of Tarquin Blunt and storms in. he finds the owner, and top personality, of the station sat behind his desk losing a game of Tic-Tac-Toe to a Pigeon, he looks up startled.
Blunt: Who are you…wait it doesn’t matter.
He springs up from behind the desk and looks McMedia up and down.
Blunt: Yes, you're perfect, remove the mask, a little makeup…one of my guests tonight dropped out, how do you feel about filling in and pretending you’re him…
McMedia: Who?
Blunt: Some local wrestler, X-Boy or something.
McMedia shakes his head in disbelief.
McMedia: You want me to impersonate someone AND do blackface!?!?!?
Blunt: No! Of course not! Who said that? Preposterous….unless you’re saying…
McMedia: Mr Blunt, your shareholders called me in to review your network and save it!
Blunt: If this is about the viewing figures tell them they’ll be sure to see an increase, I just sent some guys round to sabotage our competitors' operations.
McMedia: Dirty tricks are abhorrent, but I’ve seen the operation you run so I doubt your ‘guys’ will even find their way out of the parking lot.
Blunt: BEC Doesn’t need saving we’re the pinnacle…
McMedia: Have you even looked at your BLEEP-ing schedule. Tired reality TV shows, a whole show that’s premise is a direct rip off of the most uninspiring part of SNL, and your face all over the BLEEP-ing place!
Honestly this is amateur hour at it’s finest, god knows how you’ve stayed on the air for as long as you have, the mind boggles at the fact you’ve even managed to win awards in that time. As a long term New Jersey resident I am starting to question the quality of the water supply locally if ANYBODY still pays attention to the mundane, predictable and uninspiring drivel you serve up on the regular.
You’re a fraud and a charlatan, Mr Blunt, and you’re beyond rescuing. In fact your product and practices offend me so much I am rooting for whoever can finally put you out of business for good, and if they need my help I’ll drop all other projects to see you shut down once and for all for the good of those with eyeballs!
Blunt: So that’s a no on the interview?
However in 2024 viewing figures have dwindled, and the shareholders are unhappy. So they’ve sent out the SOS to Entertainment Salvation, and renowned entertainer T.V McMedia, to turn the ship around.
A familiarly masked man sits in a car and looks directly into the camera.
McMedia: We’re here, just over the road are the BEC studios, unfortunately I’m familiar with their content, so let’s go and see how the ‘magic’ is made behind the scenes.
He gets out of the car and strides across the road into the building's reception area.
McMedia: I’m here to see Tarquin Blunt.
Receptionist: Ah, Mr McMedia, yes I’ll call him right away.
McMedia: Madame…
Receptionist: It’ll just be one moment sir, I’m trying to get through to his office.
McMedia: Madame, that’s a banana.
The camera moves to show the receptionist is holding a piece of fruit to her ear.
McMedia: Enough of this, I’m going in!
Despite the objections he walks through the doors behind her and down a corridor, he strides into the first door he sees.
He stops in his tracks to find a room that stretches far beyond the horizon, filled with rows upon rows of desks and typewriters.
And Monkeys.
Monkeys as far as the eye can see doing exactly what infinite monkeys would do when presented with infinite typewriters, frolicking, fornicating and flinging excrement at one another.
McMedia steps out and closes the door slowly, looking at the sign on it.
Writer’s Room
McMedia shakes his head and turns down the corridor, bursting through another door without looking and stops abruptly, this time clutching at his nose to fight the smell.
Inside this room are numerous desks and computers. Sat behind each desk is a human, staring intently at the screen. Many of whom have cultivated unsightly neckbeards.
McMedia walks behind them, observing their screens.
One is on a Star Trek message board sending a direct message to another user threatening to commit heinous acts on their kin if they continue to argue that Janeway is better than Sisko.
Another is scrolling through Instagram making negative comments about peoples physical appearances, while simultaneously combing the beard on his third chin.
He sees another on a Wrestling RP-ing Discord site explaining they are taking a break from competing so they can commit more time to journaling their lives on the discord channels.
When he sees someone else on X he turns and walks out of the room in disgust, once again looking at the sign on it.
Research Dept
He shakes his head again and turns to another door, this time though he looks at the sign on it before he strides in.
New Concepts
The room has a number of large storage bins lined up against the wall, filled to the brim with various different items, an exhausted looking man reaches into it and pulls out a soft toy bunny and throws it halfheartedly at the wall. When it bounces off he walks with sloped shoulders to a desk and presses a button on a computer. He then walks back to the storage bins this time throwing a jar of pickles at the wall, the cycle repeats.
McMedia looks at the document on the the screen. It is Titled ‘Project Throw {CENSORED} At The Wall And See What Sticks.’ Currently the only successful entry in the project is {CENSORED}.
He walks out of the room.
McMedia: I’ve seen enough.
Now he walks the halls with purpose, until he finds the office of Tarquin Blunt and storms in. he finds the owner, and top personality, of the station sat behind his desk losing a game of Tic-Tac-Toe to a Pigeon, he looks up startled.
Blunt: Who are you…wait it doesn’t matter.
He springs up from behind the desk and looks McMedia up and down.
Blunt: Yes, you're perfect, remove the mask, a little makeup…one of my guests tonight dropped out, how do you feel about filling in and pretending you’re him…
McMedia: Who?
Blunt: Some local wrestler, X-Boy or something.
McMedia shakes his head in disbelief.
McMedia: You want me to impersonate someone AND do blackface!?!?!?
Blunt: No! Of course not! Who said that? Preposterous….unless you’re saying…
McMedia: Mr Blunt, your shareholders called me in to review your network and save it!
Blunt: If this is about the viewing figures tell them they’ll be sure to see an increase, I just sent some guys round to sabotage our competitors' operations.
McMedia: Dirty tricks are abhorrent, but I’ve seen the operation you run so I doubt your ‘guys’ will even find their way out of the parking lot.
Blunt: BEC Doesn’t need saving we’re the pinnacle…
McMedia: Have you even looked at your BLEEP-ing schedule. Tired reality TV shows, a whole show that’s premise is a direct rip off of the most uninspiring part of SNL, and your face all over the BLEEP-ing place!
Honestly this is amateur hour at it’s finest, god knows how you’ve stayed on the air for as long as you have, the mind boggles at the fact you’ve even managed to win awards in that time. As a long term New Jersey resident I am starting to question the quality of the water supply locally if ANYBODY still pays attention to the mundane, predictable and uninspiring drivel you serve up on the regular.
You’re a fraud and a charlatan, Mr Blunt, and you’re beyond rescuing. In fact your product and practices offend me so much I am rooting for whoever can finally put you out of business for good, and if they need my help I’ll drop all other projects to see you shut down once and for all for the good of those with eyeballs!
Blunt: So that’s a no on the interview?
Entertainment Salvation Status: BEYOND SALVATION
