Post by Travis Pierce on Mar 30, 2024 21:59:20 GMT -5
We see a darkened set, with silhouettes visible of a table with someone sitting behind it. A voiceover is heard from Rob Cartwright.
Cartwright: Ladies and gentlemen, he is the host of The Piercing Truth, you know his name, the Icon of Entertainment, the King of Charisma, he is...TRAVIS PIERCE!
“You Know My Name” by Chris Cornell begins to play, and the lights come on to show a chair sitting backwards behind the desk. A monitor behind the chair shows the logo for The Piercing Truth. The chair slowly turns around, revealing Travis Pierce.
Pierce: Welcome to the show! I’m your host, Travis Pierce, inviting you to come along as we exchange the top stories!
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: Melting polar ice sheets are slowing Earth’s rotation, which could change how we keep time. It turns out that as ice melts into water and flows toward the equator, it redistributes mass around the Earth, affecting the planet’s spin, and yet no matter how we go right round, Wrestley McWrestleface still sucks and has a stupid name.
Travis switches to Camera A.
Pierce: A recent study reveals that China has a big problem with super gonorrhea, leading researchers to wonder when Eden Morgan moved there.
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: A Michigan state lawmaker who was previously an election denier is being widely criticized making false claims that buses carrying college athletes to Detroit for March Madness were shuttling illegal migrant “invaders” into the city. It’s the worst case of mistaken identity since Sloane Taylor thought she’d ever do better than Sebastian Everett-Bryce.
Travis switches to Camera A.
Pierce: A new study conducted on the odor produced by children of various ages has determined that toddlers smell like flowers, that adolescents smell goat-like, and banger car drivers smell like ass.
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: What's red, black, and hairy all over? A new species of bug discovered in Australia, dubbed by some as a "punk beetle" for its shaggy white locks. A Queensland researcher spotted the fluffy specimen by chance while camping and initially mistook it for bird poo, which he later justified by comparing its appearance to that of X-Bro 420.
Travis switches to Camera A.
Pierce: And now we present a very special Piercing Investigation!
Cut to pre-recorded video of Travis standing outside.
Pierce: Welcome to the Laconia.
The camera pans the building.
Pierce: It’s a place where dreams go to die, and where mysteries go to spin endlessly in irrelevant circles. It is here that Travis Roberts slunk off to after his most recent disappearance from UGWC, here that he has set down roots after realizing that he could no longer cut it in the modern era of professional wrestling and Entertainment Professionalism.
The camera returns to Travis, who turns and points at the building.
Pierce: Within these walls reside a lengthy parade of the never-was, and while we’ve already been reminded of the likes of X-Bro 420 and the Weapons of Mass Deduction, we’re pretty sure we saw the Camden Carrot rooting through the dumpster while we were setting up a bit ago, and a local street walker told us that under that tree over yonder is where Bartholomew Ramsbottom prefers to relieve himself. Indeed, this place feels more like the setting of an upcoming season of American Horror Story than the potential residence of a former headliner.
Travis turns to face the camera.
Pierce: Yet this is where you’ll find “The Fallen Star” Travis Roberts these days, as when he’s not busy disappointing modern UGWC fans, he’s busy trying to determine who stole the cookies from the cookie jar or figuring out how to dislodge that clog from the toilet in apartment 6B. It’s a crushing coda for what once was a promising career. Yet endings often give way to new beginnings, and it is no different here.
Travis begins walking forward, with the camera moving backwards to match him.
Pierce: Nature operates according to certain universal laws, and we cannot escape the need for balance and harmony in the universe. All things are are interconnected, and we cannot transform into something new without sacrificing something old. In order to transform one substance into another, there must be a sacrifice of another substance in equal value. In other words, in order for one Travis to rise, another must fall.
Travis stops and glances back at the building before continuing.
Pierce: As sad as the fall of Travis Roberts has been, it has been necessary for the true Alpha Travis to emerge. Reporting from the Laconia, back to you, Travis.
Cut back to Travis in the studio.
Pierce: Thanks, Travis. It’s interesting that you point out the way this transference has been occuring, as our research department has come to a similar conclusion. Enlightenment or spiritual perfection requires sacrifice and inner work. This could involve letting go of negative emotions or attachments in order to attain higher states of consciousness or understanding, and who has made more sacrifices and let go of more negativity over the past several years than Travis Pierce? I released Sebastian Everett-Bryce from his Piercing Media Network contract, because when you love a thing you must set it free. I let go of the bad blood and conflict between myself and Alan Wallace, because it is time for the cycle of violence to end and someone needed to swallow their ego and be the bigger person to do that. It’s a symbolic exchange, plain and simple.
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: The piercing truth is that all transformations involve the exchange of energy in some form. The energetic balance required for spiritual growth and transformation, that’s what you’ve witnessed unfolding on this network for quite some time now. Energetic exchange. It’s a modern miracle, it truly is.
Travis switches to Camera A.
Pierce: I was a star on the rise years ago, when I captured the World Heavyweight Title, but then I lost my way for a bit. That’s when you stole the spotlight for yourself, Roberts. You found your way back to the top for a time. There’s always been a push and pull between us, and now it all makes sense. For one of us to rise, the other must fall. There can only be one Alpha Travis, and yet there must always be an Alpha Travis. This is why the revelation of your pathetic life in the Laconia is a true blessing. The confirmation of your languish in mediocrity only underscores that my time is now and the future. I can’t wait to see you at Alchemy, assuming you show up this time. I think it’ll be a real shock to your system. Just remember, Beta, it’s not my fault, that the truth…hurts.
Travis winks to the camera as “You Know My Name” plays again and we fade out.
Cartwright: Ladies and gentlemen, he is the host of The Piercing Truth, you know his name, the Icon of Entertainment, the King of Charisma, he is...TRAVIS PIERCE!
“You Know My Name” by Chris Cornell begins to play, and the lights come on to show a chair sitting backwards behind the desk. A monitor behind the chair shows the logo for The Piercing Truth. The chair slowly turns around, revealing Travis Pierce.
Pierce: Welcome to the show! I’m your host, Travis Pierce, inviting you to come along as we exchange the top stories!
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: Melting polar ice sheets are slowing Earth’s rotation, which could change how we keep time. It turns out that as ice melts into water and flows toward the equator, it redistributes mass around the Earth, affecting the planet’s spin, and yet no matter how we go right round, Wrestley McWrestleface still sucks and has a stupid name.
Travis switches to Camera A.
Pierce: A recent study reveals that China has a big problem with super gonorrhea, leading researchers to wonder when Eden Morgan moved there.
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: A Michigan state lawmaker who was previously an election denier is being widely criticized making false claims that buses carrying college athletes to Detroit for March Madness were shuttling illegal migrant “invaders” into the city. It’s the worst case of mistaken identity since Sloane Taylor thought she’d ever do better than Sebastian Everett-Bryce.
Travis switches to Camera A.
Pierce: A new study conducted on the odor produced by children of various ages has determined that toddlers smell like flowers, that adolescents smell goat-like, and banger car drivers smell like ass.
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: What's red, black, and hairy all over? A new species of bug discovered in Australia, dubbed by some as a "punk beetle" for its shaggy white locks. A Queensland researcher spotted the fluffy specimen by chance while camping and initially mistook it for bird poo, which he later justified by comparing its appearance to that of X-Bro 420.
Travis switches to Camera A.
Pierce: And now we present a very special Piercing Investigation!
Cut to pre-recorded video of Travis standing outside.
Pierce: Welcome to the Laconia.
The camera pans the building.
Pierce: It’s a place where dreams go to die, and where mysteries go to spin endlessly in irrelevant circles. It is here that Travis Roberts slunk off to after his most recent disappearance from UGWC, here that he has set down roots after realizing that he could no longer cut it in the modern era of professional wrestling and Entertainment Professionalism.
The camera returns to Travis, who turns and points at the building.
Pierce: Within these walls reside a lengthy parade of the never-was, and while we’ve already been reminded of the likes of X-Bro 420 and the Weapons of Mass Deduction, we’re pretty sure we saw the Camden Carrot rooting through the dumpster while we were setting up a bit ago, and a local street walker told us that under that tree over yonder is where Bartholomew Ramsbottom prefers to relieve himself. Indeed, this place feels more like the setting of an upcoming season of American Horror Story than the potential residence of a former headliner.
Travis turns to face the camera.
Pierce: Yet this is where you’ll find “The Fallen Star” Travis Roberts these days, as when he’s not busy disappointing modern UGWC fans, he’s busy trying to determine who stole the cookies from the cookie jar or figuring out how to dislodge that clog from the toilet in apartment 6B. It’s a crushing coda for what once was a promising career. Yet endings often give way to new beginnings, and it is no different here.
Travis begins walking forward, with the camera moving backwards to match him.
Pierce: Nature operates according to certain universal laws, and we cannot escape the need for balance and harmony in the universe. All things are are interconnected, and we cannot transform into something new without sacrificing something old. In order to transform one substance into another, there must be a sacrifice of another substance in equal value. In other words, in order for one Travis to rise, another must fall.
Travis stops and glances back at the building before continuing.
Pierce: As sad as the fall of Travis Roberts has been, it has been necessary for the true Alpha Travis to emerge. Reporting from the Laconia, back to you, Travis.
Cut back to Travis in the studio.
Pierce: Thanks, Travis. It’s interesting that you point out the way this transference has been occuring, as our research department has come to a similar conclusion. Enlightenment or spiritual perfection requires sacrifice and inner work. This could involve letting go of negative emotions or attachments in order to attain higher states of consciousness or understanding, and who has made more sacrifices and let go of more negativity over the past several years than Travis Pierce? I released Sebastian Everett-Bryce from his Piercing Media Network contract, because when you love a thing you must set it free. I let go of the bad blood and conflict between myself and Alan Wallace, because it is time for the cycle of violence to end and someone needed to swallow their ego and be the bigger person to do that. It’s a symbolic exchange, plain and simple.
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: The piercing truth is that all transformations involve the exchange of energy in some form. The energetic balance required for spiritual growth and transformation, that’s what you’ve witnessed unfolding on this network for quite some time now. Energetic exchange. It’s a modern miracle, it truly is.
Travis switches to Camera A.
Pierce: I was a star on the rise years ago, when I captured the World Heavyweight Title, but then I lost my way for a bit. That’s when you stole the spotlight for yourself, Roberts. You found your way back to the top for a time. There’s always been a push and pull between us, and now it all makes sense. For one of us to rise, the other must fall. There can only be one Alpha Travis, and yet there must always be an Alpha Travis. This is why the revelation of your pathetic life in the Laconia is a true blessing. The confirmation of your languish in mediocrity only underscores that my time is now and the future. I can’t wait to see you at Alchemy, assuming you show up this time. I think it’ll be a real shock to your system. Just remember, Beta, it’s not my fault, that the truth…hurts.
Travis winks to the camera as “You Know My Name” plays again and we fade out.
