Post by thedarkdestroyer on Mar 30, 2024 22:58:01 GMT -5
“Sir Philip, your services art presently needed. Sick, hast the Lord of the Realm fallen, and none but you can repair him from his present distemper.”
Sir Philip Minionton looks up calmly from his optick glass, placing his quill quietly upon the table and atop the parchment he’d been authoring. Being the foremost expert on health in the realm, he was the primary physician of the Lord’s Hall, and so was always on retainer when he was needed. The being who stood in front of him was the Champion of the Realm. It’s heart, unlike the Lord, who was its brain.
“In a moment, Lady Sanguine,” he grumbles. ‘I must collect my equipment.”
“Make haste, for our Lord has been struck with a malaise most foul.”
Sir Phillip looked up with a raised eyebrow.
“A malaise foul, you say,” he inquires. “Of what nature?”
“Many, I fear,” Lady Sanguine replies solemnly, pushing her blonde hair back from her ear. “I know not how to describe it, although he seems almost… boring.”
Sir. Philip places his optick glass in its dark colored metal protective case and gently slides it into his satchel. He gestures politely toward the door.
“After you, my lady,” he smiles. “Do be careful to keep the room in order.”
She looks around befuddled as she carefully treads toward the door.
“Order,” she questions to herself. “It looks like a library vomited…”
“Knowledge is messy, child,” he remarks with a whimsical grin. “Shall we ?”
On the Road to Castle Chelsanus
The two road in silence, feeling no need to speak. The road was generally safe, if not for the occasional brigand. Most of the brigands of the area were not exactly the graduate students of malfeasance. None the less, lady Sanguine remained vigilant.
“You seem far more on edge that the low class of brigand on this road generally requires,” Sir Philip remarks with a smile. “Besides, the ones that tend to be seen here are often going the other way as the City Guard chases them.”
Lady Sanguine is not moved by this.
“A brigand is a brigand and can still be dangerous.”
“Madame Sweet?”
“Her presence would have to be…well…”
“Present,” the Doctor interjects.
“Yes.”
He grins mischievously. “The Disappearing Sorcerer, Diogee?”
“He hath disappeared,” she returns. “A flash of gold and griping left in his wake.”
Sir. Philip chuckled. “An accurate description, milady.”
“Thank you,” she replies, nodding.
His smile remains fixed in place. “The Blade?”
“He seems to have cut himself from existence,” she retorts quickly. “Not that such has been widely noticed.”
He chuckles to himself. “I would opine that he was not widely noticed when present.”
This time the Lady Sanguine laughs. “You have a point, Doctor.”
The doctor is about to reply when a loud roar is hear. Lady Sanguine’s head whips around as she draws her blade. Sir. Philp’s face drains.
“I think that will be no help, I’m afraid to say,” he remarks. “That accursed creature can bend reality.”
“We must get to the Keep,” she retorts. “I will sacrifice myself if necessary.”
“I would say that putting our horses to more aggressive use would be ideal.”
“I will not ru..”
She never gets to finish the word before she and her horse blink out of existence. Sir. Philip looks around in a mixture of panic and confusion.
“HEY-EYYYY!!”
The doctor is suddenly blasted from his horse. He hits the ground hard and in a large cloud of dust, knocking the wind from him and causing him to close his eyes. He lays there taking mental account of himself when he feels hot air suddenly bathing over him in consistent bursts. He opens his eyes and sees a shadow pass over him. A large, deep shadow. He tries to move when a large blue paw pins him to the ground.
“Be still, beast,” a voice commands. “Our remit is not to end him. Tis to take that which we came for and leave.”
The mammoth bear roars in defiance, glaring down at the doctor. He suddenly feels a pair of small paws on his side. He turns his head to see a small black dog with glowing orange eyes staring at him.
“You have to pardon her,” it comments apologetically. “She’s not pleasant and would prefer to rip your head off and leave. One can’t enlist good help these days. You understand.”
He tries to answer, but the bear presses down harder on him, causing him to gasp. The tiny black loaf of a dog looks up at the enormous blue, and particularly hostile looking bear.
“Not that you have a choice with her standing on your chest,” the dog quips. “Now, dear bear, how can we liberate the desired item if he can’t tell us where he’s stashed it. I told you to pin him down, not crush him.”
It looks down at him. “You can thank me later.”
It sticks its head up and sniffs, then its tongue lolls out. “Ah, there it is.”
It drops from his chest and pads over to his satchel, which has spilled on the ground. It sticks its head in for a few seconds then comes out with the metal box in its teeth. It looks up at the bear.
“Pick it up and be gentle,” he commands. “And remember that our master will be most put off if you crush it.”
The bear swipes it up, lets out a loud roar and disappears with a pop of displaced air. The dog looks down at him.
“She’s so dramatic,” it quips. “Thank you for your contribution.”
The dog blinks out of existence. The doctor pats himself up and down before he’s interrupted by a voice.
“Noble doctor,” the strained voice of Lady Sanguine intreats. “A little help, if you would?”
He looks around, only stopping when he notices her dangling from a high tree.
At the Keep - The Advisors Quarters
The Advisor stands chortling to himself as he turns a glass ball round in his hands. His space is a breathing trope for every fantasy villain ever. If I have to explain that to you, go watch a movie or read more books. You should read more. Everyone should. Anyway.
“The Dark One finally has it,” he giggles. “He finally has the Optick Glass.”
You know the legend. Are you sure you want it? If the stories are to be believed, this doesn’t end well for you.
“You’re always a downer.”
Without the Bear, you’re a hapless moron. We all have our shortcomings. You don’t have the glass yet.
“But when the Dark Advisor gets it, he will rule over all!”
Or you’ll do something stupid, like accidentally blink the source of your power out of existence.
“The Dark Advisor does not appreciate your tone,” he shoots back as he spins an ornamental knife around in his hand, then effortlessly slices a tomato before he smoothly wipes the blade with a cloth and places it back down.
It must be nice to be able to prep food without almost killing yourself. How you became Advisor to the Lord of this realm without the Bear is still well beyond my abilities to suss out.
“The Guild of Evil has allies far and wide.”
And competent, it would seem. Although they should’ve hired someone to come up with a better name for them.
“The Dark Advisor tires of your sass.”
There’s a sudden knock at the door.
“Walk in,” The Dark Advisor calls as he places a ball in a weird looking Ruby- Goldberg device that goes all of the way up and across the long stone wall, arches over the window, and eventually passes with a conveyor belt and scoops in a wood crate before terminating at a small gold bowl.
I still have no idea how you’ve gotten having a cat in here past your Familiar.
The Advisor goes to answer when the door opens and a man in a gold colored outfit with a black cape walks in. He has a large sundial hanging from his neck.
“What it is, Cuz,” he asks, drawing a glare from The Advisor.
“The Dark Advisor awaits the return of the small canine and the not that small bear,” he proclaims with glee. “They have the Glass.”
“Fo sho they dizoo,” his cousin asks. “Once you hizas dat, you’s unstizoppabizzle.”
“The Dark Advisor is aware,” The Advisor growls back. “Must you distract me?”
“The Lord sizummons you, Cuz.”
The Advisor sighs in exasperation. “What the hell does he want now? Was your incredible Dankness not enough, cousin Vicount?”
“Your counsel,” His Dankness replies. “And no, it fizailed to mizake his Lizordship happy.”
“His Lizardship,” The Advisor asks, suddenly looking very confused. “The Advisor didn’t know the Lord is a Lizard person…”
“He ain’t no lizard,” Vicount Dankness replies. “Thizat isn’t what I sizaid.”
It must be wearing off. Hopefully the Bear is back soon.
“Fo sho,” His Dankness replies. “If it dizn’t, mah cuz gon return to his nizormal choleric sizelf.”
Fo sho. That’d be bad.
“Fo sho.”
The two leave as a scooop deposits a small pile of pellets in the little silver bowl and a small white cat pads up and begins eating, purring contentedly.
At the Gate
“Sir. Philip Minionton to see the Lord of the Realm.”
The guard looks him up and down disapprovingly.
“I was given no such order,” he replies tersely.
“Open the damned gate,” a loud and authoritative voice calls from behind them.
“By whose orders,” the testy guard shoots back.
“Lady Sanguine,” she shoots back tersely. “I spend part of today in a tree and I’m in no mood to countenance your brainless intransigence. Opened the damned gate or I’ll gut you.”
“As you wish, my lady,” the guard replies with a nod.
A few seconds later the two ride through the gate and soon after that are inside the Keep with their footfalls echoing off of the stone floors.
Meanwhile
The Dark Advisor bows before the Lord, who somehow looks both gray and ashen at the same time.
“My Lord, what can your Advisor do for you?”
“Where’s the Doctor I sent for?”
“My Lord, he’s on his way. He’s here with Lady Sanguine. It is still the belief of your Advisor that this shall pass with the next phase of the moon and you will feel better as you pass into your sign. It shall leave you feeling as if your mind has cleared.”
“I hope so,” the Lord sighs. “This is most depressing.”
The Advisor allows himself a brief smile before the look of concern returns. “It pains me to see you like this, my Lord.”
“I know, trusted Advisor,” he responds. “You’ve been a good friend.”
The doors to the throne room suddenly swing open and Lady Sanguine and the Doctor walk in. The reach the throne and both bow in unison.
“My Lord,” Lady Sanguine says. “Sir. Minionton has arrived. I am sorry to report that we were attacked on the way and the Optik Glass was stolen by brigands.”
The two stand when the Lord gestures for them to do so. He looks at Sir. Minionton.
“What have you to say, skilled on?”
“My Lord,” the doctor answers. “If I may, the Optick Glass wasn’t stolen by brigands, but rather by…well… a large blue bear and a small black talking dog. I suspect it was not as it appeared.”
“A large blue bear and a small talking dog, you say,” the Lord inquires. “How peculiar.”
“I am sorry to report to you sir that I know not where the Optick Glass is, and without it, it will be challenging, if not impossible to dispel this malady you suffer from.”
The air is suddenly split by a loud roar as the large blue bear suddenly pops into existence with Vicount Dank and the small black dog in tow. The Dark Advisor suddenly cackles loudly.
“The Dark Advisor has won,” he bellows. “It is your Advisor who has cast this malaise upon you, poisoning your spirit and your body.
The Lord coughs, producing a black bile from his insides. The doctor instinctively leaps forward, only to be swatted away by the bear. The Advisor turns to the bear and holds his hand out.
“Give the glass to me, mighty beast!”
The Bear shakes its head ‘no.’
“What? What do you mean, ‘no’?”
The Bear opens up its arms and looks down at him. The small dog sighs.
“It wants a hug.”
The Advisor recoils in horror. “A HUG?? What if this beast carries diseases… or FLEAS??!!”
“Don’t be an idiot,” the dog replies. “It’s a magical beast that can bend space and time. It doesn’t GET fleas. YOU’re more likely to get them!”
“The Dark Advisor does not believe this!”
“Believe it,” the dog replies. “Hug it, or you’re not getting the glass.”
“Very well.”
The Advisor hugs the magical beast. It makes the bear equivalent of a purr of joy. The two disengage and the Bear drops the glass in the Advisor’s hands. The Advisor cackles madly and wheels on the Lord, then holds the glass up and holds a hand out at the Lord. It begins to glow as the sunlight hits the eyepiece and directs down through the magnifier.
“Uh, sir…” the dog says.
“Quiet, dog,” the Advisor orders.
“Yo, Cous, yizou shizizzolud liznisted to da furry one.”
“SILENCE,” the yells. “YOU WILL NOT TAKE MY MOMENT OF VICTORY AWAY FROM ME!”
He turns and glares back down at the Lord. “Now it’s goodbye, you rich, spoiled, pompous ass!”
He aims the glass at the Lord.
And the Bear suddenly disappears with a loud “pop” and a bellow of anger and pain.
Now it’s the turn of the Advisor to have his face turn white.
“Rats,” he bellows, then suddenly looks really confused. “Where is The Dark Destroyer? Why are you all dressed so weirdly?”
“Lady Sanguine,” the Lord demands. “Arrest him!”
The Dark Destroyer goes run, but without the Bear there to power him, he trips over his own feet and promptly smashes face first into the floor. Somehow he stands up a couple of moments and takes a step forward.
Then the chandelier suddenly crashes down on him.
End.
Sir Philip Minionton looks up calmly from his optick glass, placing his quill quietly upon the table and atop the parchment he’d been authoring. Being the foremost expert on health in the realm, he was the primary physician of the Lord’s Hall, and so was always on retainer when he was needed. The being who stood in front of him was the Champion of the Realm. It’s heart, unlike the Lord, who was its brain.
“In a moment, Lady Sanguine,” he grumbles. ‘I must collect my equipment.”
“Make haste, for our Lord has been struck with a malaise most foul.”
Sir Phillip looked up with a raised eyebrow.
“A malaise foul, you say,” he inquires. “Of what nature?”
“Many, I fear,” Lady Sanguine replies solemnly, pushing her blonde hair back from her ear. “I know not how to describe it, although he seems almost… boring.”
Sir. Philip places his optick glass in its dark colored metal protective case and gently slides it into his satchel. He gestures politely toward the door.
“After you, my lady,” he smiles. “Do be careful to keep the room in order.”
She looks around befuddled as she carefully treads toward the door.
“Order,” she questions to herself. “It looks like a library vomited…”
“Knowledge is messy, child,” he remarks with a whimsical grin. “Shall we ?”
On the Road to Castle Chelsanus
The two road in silence, feeling no need to speak. The road was generally safe, if not for the occasional brigand. Most of the brigands of the area were not exactly the graduate students of malfeasance. None the less, lady Sanguine remained vigilant.
“You seem far more on edge that the low class of brigand on this road generally requires,” Sir Philip remarks with a smile. “Besides, the ones that tend to be seen here are often going the other way as the City Guard chases them.”
Lady Sanguine is not moved by this.
“A brigand is a brigand and can still be dangerous.”
“Madame Sweet?”
“Her presence would have to be…well…”
“Present,” the Doctor interjects.
“Yes.”
He grins mischievously. “The Disappearing Sorcerer, Diogee?”
“He hath disappeared,” she returns. “A flash of gold and griping left in his wake.”
Sir. Philip chuckled. “An accurate description, milady.”
“Thank you,” she replies, nodding.
His smile remains fixed in place. “The Blade?”
“He seems to have cut himself from existence,” she retorts quickly. “Not that such has been widely noticed.”
He chuckles to himself. “I would opine that he was not widely noticed when present.”
This time the Lady Sanguine laughs. “You have a point, Doctor.”
The doctor is about to reply when a loud roar is hear. Lady Sanguine’s head whips around as she draws her blade. Sir. Philp’s face drains.
“I think that will be no help, I’m afraid to say,” he remarks. “That accursed creature can bend reality.”
“We must get to the Keep,” she retorts. “I will sacrifice myself if necessary.”
“I would say that putting our horses to more aggressive use would be ideal.”
“I will not ru..”
She never gets to finish the word before she and her horse blink out of existence. Sir. Philip looks around in a mixture of panic and confusion.
“HEY-EYYYY!!”
The doctor is suddenly blasted from his horse. He hits the ground hard and in a large cloud of dust, knocking the wind from him and causing him to close his eyes. He lays there taking mental account of himself when he feels hot air suddenly bathing over him in consistent bursts. He opens his eyes and sees a shadow pass over him. A large, deep shadow. He tries to move when a large blue paw pins him to the ground.
“Be still, beast,” a voice commands. “Our remit is not to end him. Tis to take that which we came for and leave.”
The mammoth bear roars in defiance, glaring down at the doctor. He suddenly feels a pair of small paws on his side. He turns his head to see a small black dog with glowing orange eyes staring at him.
“You have to pardon her,” it comments apologetically. “She’s not pleasant and would prefer to rip your head off and leave. One can’t enlist good help these days. You understand.”
He tries to answer, but the bear presses down harder on him, causing him to gasp. The tiny black loaf of a dog looks up at the enormous blue, and particularly hostile looking bear.
“Not that you have a choice with her standing on your chest,” the dog quips. “Now, dear bear, how can we liberate the desired item if he can’t tell us where he’s stashed it. I told you to pin him down, not crush him.”
It looks down at him. “You can thank me later.”
It sticks its head up and sniffs, then its tongue lolls out. “Ah, there it is.”
It drops from his chest and pads over to his satchel, which has spilled on the ground. It sticks its head in for a few seconds then comes out with the metal box in its teeth. It looks up at the bear.
“Pick it up and be gentle,” he commands. “And remember that our master will be most put off if you crush it.”
The bear swipes it up, lets out a loud roar and disappears with a pop of displaced air. The dog looks down at him.
“She’s so dramatic,” it quips. “Thank you for your contribution.”
The dog blinks out of existence. The doctor pats himself up and down before he’s interrupted by a voice.
“Noble doctor,” the strained voice of Lady Sanguine intreats. “A little help, if you would?”
He looks around, only stopping when he notices her dangling from a high tree.
At the Keep - The Advisors Quarters
The Advisor stands chortling to himself as he turns a glass ball round in his hands. His space is a breathing trope for every fantasy villain ever. If I have to explain that to you, go watch a movie or read more books. You should read more. Everyone should. Anyway.
“The Dark One finally has it,” he giggles. “He finally has the Optick Glass.”
You know the legend. Are you sure you want it? If the stories are to be believed, this doesn’t end well for you.
“You’re always a downer.”
Without the Bear, you’re a hapless moron. We all have our shortcomings. You don’t have the glass yet.
“But when the Dark Advisor gets it, he will rule over all!”
Or you’ll do something stupid, like accidentally blink the source of your power out of existence.
“The Dark Advisor does not appreciate your tone,” he shoots back as he spins an ornamental knife around in his hand, then effortlessly slices a tomato before he smoothly wipes the blade with a cloth and places it back down.
It must be nice to be able to prep food without almost killing yourself. How you became Advisor to the Lord of this realm without the Bear is still well beyond my abilities to suss out.
“The Guild of Evil has allies far and wide.”
And competent, it would seem. Although they should’ve hired someone to come up with a better name for them.
“The Dark Advisor tires of your sass.”
There’s a sudden knock at the door.
“Walk in,” The Dark Advisor calls as he places a ball in a weird looking Ruby- Goldberg device that goes all of the way up and across the long stone wall, arches over the window, and eventually passes with a conveyor belt and scoops in a wood crate before terminating at a small gold bowl.
I still have no idea how you’ve gotten having a cat in here past your Familiar.
The Advisor goes to answer when the door opens and a man in a gold colored outfit with a black cape walks in. He has a large sundial hanging from his neck.
“What it is, Cuz,” he asks, drawing a glare from The Advisor.
“The Dark Advisor awaits the return of the small canine and the not that small bear,” he proclaims with glee. “They have the Glass.”
“Fo sho they dizoo,” his cousin asks. “Once you hizas dat, you’s unstizoppabizzle.”
“The Dark Advisor is aware,” The Advisor growls back. “Must you distract me?”
“The Lord sizummons you, Cuz.”
The Advisor sighs in exasperation. “What the hell does he want now? Was your incredible Dankness not enough, cousin Vicount?”
“Your counsel,” His Dankness replies. “And no, it fizailed to mizake his Lizordship happy.”
“His Lizardship,” The Advisor asks, suddenly looking very confused. “The Advisor didn’t know the Lord is a Lizard person…”
“He ain’t no lizard,” Vicount Dankness replies. “Thizat isn’t what I sizaid.”
It must be wearing off. Hopefully the Bear is back soon.
“Fo sho,” His Dankness replies. “If it dizn’t, mah cuz gon return to his nizormal choleric sizelf.”
Fo sho. That’d be bad.
“Fo sho.”
The two leave as a scooop deposits a small pile of pellets in the little silver bowl and a small white cat pads up and begins eating, purring contentedly.
At the Gate
“Sir. Philip Minionton to see the Lord of the Realm.”
The guard looks him up and down disapprovingly.
“I was given no such order,” he replies tersely.
“Open the damned gate,” a loud and authoritative voice calls from behind them.
“By whose orders,” the testy guard shoots back.
“Lady Sanguine,” she shoots back tersely. “I spend part of today in a tree and I’m in no mood to countenance your brainless intransigence. Opened the damned gate or I’ll gut you.”
“As you wish, my lady,” the guard replies with a nod.
A few seconds later the two ride through the gate and soon after that are inside the Keep with their footfalls echoing off of the stone floors.
Meanwhile
The Dark Advisor bows before the Lord, who somehow looks both gray and ashen at the same time.
“My Lord, what can your Advisor do for you?”
“Where’s the Doctor I sent for?”
“My Lord, he’s on his way. He’s here with Lady Sanguine. It is still the belief of your Advisor that this shall pass with the next phase of the moon and you will feel better as you pass into your sign. It shall leave you feeling as if your mind has cleared.”
“I hope so,” the Lord sighs. “This is most depressing.”
The Advisor allows himself a brief smile before the look of concern returns. “It pains me to see you like this, my Lord.”
“I know, trusted Advisor,” he responds. “You’ve been a good friend.”
The doors to the throne room suddenly swing open and Lady Sanguine and the Doctor walk in. The reach the throne and both bow in unison.
“My Lord,” Lady Sanguine says. “Sir. Minionton has arrived. I am sorry to report that we were attacked on the way and the Optik Glass was stolen by brigands.”
The two stand when the Lord gestures for them to do so. He looks at Sir. Minionton.
“What have you to say, skilled on?”
“My Lord,” the doctor answers. “If I may, the Optick Glass wasn’t stolen by brigands, but rather by…well… a large blue bear and a small black talking dog. I suspect it was not as it appeared.”
“A large blue bear and a small talking dog, you say,” the Lord inquires. “How peculiar.”
“I am sorry to report to you sir that I know not where the Optick Glass is, and without it, it will be challenging, if not impossible to dispel this malady you suffer from.”
The air is suddenly split by a loud roar as the large blue bear suddenly pops into existence with Vicount Dank and the small black dog in tow. The Dark Advisor suddenly cackles loudly.
“The Dark Advisor has won,” he bellows. “It is your Advisor who has cast this malaise upon you, poisoning your spirit and your body.
The Lord coughs, producing a black bile from his insides. The doctor instinctively leaps forward, only to be swatted away by the bear. The Advisor turns to the bear and holds his hand out.
“Give the glass to me, mighty beast!”
The Bear shakes its head ‘no.’
“What? What do you mean, ‘no’?”
The Bear opens up its arms and looks down at him. The small dog sighs.
“It wants a hug.”
The Advisor recoils in horror. “A HUG?? What if this beast carries diseases… or FLEAS??!!”
“Don’t be an idiot,” the dog replies. “It’s a magical beast that can bend space and time. It doesn’t GET fleas. YOU’re more likely to get them!”
“The Dark Advisor does not believe this!”
“Believe it,” the dog replies. “Hug it, or you’re not getting the glass.”
“Very well.”
The Advisor hugs the magical beast. It makes the bear equivalent of a purr of joy. The two disengage and the Bear drops the glass in the Advisor’s hands. The Advisor cackles madly and wheels on the Lord, then holds the glass up and holds a hand out at the Lord. It begins to glow as the sunlight hits the eyepiece and directs down through the magnifier.
“Uh, sir…” the dog says.
“Quiet, dog,” the Advisor orders.
“Yo, Cous, yizou shizizzolud liznisted to da furry one.”
“SILENCE,” the yells. “YOU WILL NOT TAKE MY MOMENT OF VICTORY AWAY FROM ME!”
He turns and glares back down at the Lord. “Now it’s goodbye, you rich, spoiled, pompous ass!”
He aims the glass at the Lord.
And the Bear suddenly disappears with a loud “pop” and a bellow of anger and pain.
Now it’s the turn of the Advisor to have his face turn white.
“Rats,” he bellows, then suddenly looks really confused. “Where is The Dark Destroyer? Why are you all dressed so weirdly?”
“Lady Sanguine,” the Lord demands. “Arrest him!”
The Dark Destroyer goes run, but without the Bear there to power him, he trips over his own feet and promptly smashes face first into the floor. Somehow he stands up a couple of moments and takes a step forward.
Then the chandelier suddenly crashes down on him.
End.
