Alchemy 2024

[UGWC Staff]

Vinegar: Welcome, one and all, to the Chase Center in San Francisco, California, for UGWC Alchemy!

Covert Jay: Huttah!

Vinegar: It's a stacked card tonight, with seven big matches and five championships on the line, and every match tonight has been inspired by concepts or elements related to alchemist scientific principles and concepts.

Covert Jay: Which we'll be using to do lots of violence.

Lieberjosch: So let's get right to it!

Vinegar: We're live from the suddenly treacherous arena showers, where the water's cascading and the tension's palpable!

Covert Jay: We’re kicking things off with the debut of the Tempest Match!

Jerry Was a Racecar Driver by Primus plays over the sound system as Juliano stands in the middle of the ramp and holds his fake car trophy in the air with a bag of banger car design pillows.

Mitchell Dennis: “From Florence, Italy, now residing in Yarmouth, England, Tommaso Ferrari!”

Tommaso throws banger car pillows to the crowd before he high-fives the fans, letting them touch his fake trophy before he heads back up the ramp to the match location.

Covert Jay: Tommaso Ferrari steps into the showers!

Vinegar: Relative newcomer, Ferrari, has a chance to kick his career off with a splash here tonight, and hopefully earn enough to fix up his car!

Covert Jay: Ha! Splash. Good one!

The arena dims into darkness as Two Steps From Hell's Black Blade starts to play, echoing through the venue. The crowd hushes in anticipation. Suddenly, the entrance ramp is bathed in a dim, regal purple light. Smoke billows, and from the mist emerges Gideon Percival Thornfield, wearing an elaborate, aristocratic robe adorned with intricate patterns. He walks with calculated confidence, every step echoing authority and poise. At his side is his confidant, Oliver Neville, dressed impeccably and carrying a polished cane.

Dennis: Ladies and gentlemen, hailing from the opulent Thornfield Manor, standing at 6'2" and weighing in at 205 pounds... Gideon Percival Thornfield!

Gideon stops at the top of the ramp, surveying the arena with a disdainful yet composed expression. He slowly removes his robe, revealing his wrestling attire, while Oliver Neville stands by his side, ever watchful.

Lieberjosch: Gideon Thornfield's relentless pursuit of victory has made him a sage of the game. How will this unpredictable environment factor into his calculations?

Vinegar: With that, he returns through the curtain to join his opponent backstage!

Covert Jay: The battleground is set, and our warriors stand amidst the swirling mists of the showers, like ancient ninja warriors facing off in a storm of steel and water!

Vinegar: Tommaso wastes no time! He charges in like a wild bull, looking to draw first blood in this unforgiving setting!

Lieberjosch: But Gideon counters with a calculated headlock, using the slippery tiles to his advantage to get Tomasso off balance!

Covert Jay: Thornfield's Trap ensnares Ferrari!

Vinegar: But Tommaso drops into a stunner! Gideon staggers backward, and Ferrari surges forward to sweep his feet from under him.

Covert Jay: Thornfield falls against a showerhead, and blood is already trickling down from an open cut!

Lieberjosch: He’s dazed, and Ferrari steps up to take advantage.

Vinegar: Gideon is aware enough to retaliate with a vicious Mindbreaker!

Lieberjosch: They’re both screaming as that shower is pouring scalding hot water!

Covert Jay: Like warriors under a waterfall, their movements are swift and relentless, each maneuver a deadly strike in this savage ballet of combat!

Lieberjosch: Did you read a manga this weekend?

Covert Jay: It’s a distinct possibility.

Vinegar: It's pandemonium in the showers, folks!

Lieberjosch: Tommaso scrambles across the bloody tile, away from the hot water, and locks in a brutal crossface

Vinegar: They slide slowly across the precarious terrain, making it difficult to lock any hold in.

Lieberjosch: Gideon refuses to yield! He breaks free and executes a devastating DDT, smacking Tommaso’s face on a drain and cutting his cheek!

Vinegar: Tommaso gasping for air amidst the steam and blood!

Covert Jay: Gideon goes for the pin!


1!!!




2!!!




Vinegar: No! Tommaso manages to get his feet against one of the divider walls and push himself out of Thornfield’s grip!

Lieberjosch: Tommaso takes a breath and shoots up to his feet, spinning around just as Gideon comes at him again.

Vinegar: Ferrari ducks, slides around behind Gideon, and…

Covert Jay: BANGERS AND MASH!!

Lieberjosch: Thornfield grabbed something as he went down!

Vinegar: Ferrari covers!

1!!!




2!!!

Covert Jay: What’s that?!

Lieberjosch: He squirted something in Tommaso’s eyes!

Vinegar: Looks like shampoo!

Lieberjosch: Ferrari struggling around, trying to find a fountain to clear his eyes!

Covert Jay: PERCIVAL’S GAMBIT!!

Vinegar: Tommaso is not moving!

Lieberjosch: There’s the cover!


1!!!





2!!!







3!!!

Dennis: Your winner, GIDEON THHHHHHHHHHHHORNFIELLLLLLLLD!!!

[UGWC Staff]

Vinegar: It’s time for the Cooperative Championship match, and we begin with both teams at the ring with Seb and Destroyer starting. I have no idea how though…

Lieberjosch: Because Err Bear.

Vinegar: I suppose that’s fair.

Covert Jay: You made a rhyme there!

Lieberjosch: I don’t care. What’s going on is over there!

Vinegar: For every bear, there is a snare.

Covert Jay: We rhyme away and just don’t care!

Lieberjosch: Our match calling certainly is rare!

Vinegar: Inside the ring a ladder is there.

Covert Jay: Dark Destroyer suddenly stands above, hanging by a hair.

Lieberjosch: He screams like a terrified mare.

Vinegar: I feel funny…

Lieberjosch: So do I.

Covert Jay: Why’s the room spinning?

Vinegar: I have no idea how, but Dark Destroyer is dangling from the championships, which dangle precariously above the ring. I’m guessing that Lucy pushed it over since she’s standing next to Sebastian in the ring and the toppled ladder lays between them.

Covert Jay: He’s swinging, but he can’t get the belts free!

Vinegar: He swings back and forth wildly and then…

Lieberjosch: Holy crap!

Covert Jay: Both champions are down!!

Vinegar: Dark Destroyer did a somersault backflip from the belts, twisted in mid air and… I can't believe I'm actually saying this..

Lieberjosch: We're as dumbfounded as you are!

Vinegar: He took out both Lucy and Seb with a double “Dark Abyss of Fathomless Evil!”

Covert Jay: He throws Lucy from the ring and goes for the pin!

Vinegar: ONE!

Lieberjosch: The Bear is suddenly, somehow behind Seb! He picks Seb up and yeets him across the ring!

Covert Jay: Did you just say ‘yeet?’

Lieberjosch: I did. I have no idea what came over me!

VInegar: Err Bear jerks Sebastian up by neck next and begins to ragdoll him!

Covert Jay: I don’t think she’s going to like that phrase! That’s Clownist!

Vinegar: AHHHH!

Lieberjosch: SHIT!

Err Bear: ROAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

Lieberjosch: It’s back in the ring again!

Covert Jay: Guys? Who turned out the lights? And why does it smell of burnt socks dripped in old cheese in here?

Vinegar: I hope it never does that again!

LIeberjosch: The Bear has Sebastian up and is whipping him back and forth wildly!

Covert Jay: I think Sam is..warning it?

Vinegar: It looks that way.

Lieberjosch: Whatever he meant, the Bear disappears and reppears on the apron.

Vinegar: Dark Destroyer pulls Sebastian up. He takes a step back!

Convert Jay: HEEVIL!!

Vinegar: Sebastian rockets backward into Lucy, sending both of them back to the floor. Dark Destroyer tears across the ring and soars over the top rope!

Lieberjosch: Did you ever think that you’d use “Dark Destroyer” and “soar” in the same sentence when it wasn’t either meant to imply pain, or because someone else has thrown him for a distance?

Vinegar: Nope.

Covert Jay: Slingshot of Doom!

Lieberjosch: Both champions are down outside the ring and DD slides back in and leaps onto Err Bear’s shoulders!

Covert Jay: She delivered him to the turnbuckle! DD sticks the landing! What the hell is happening?

Vinegar: Destroyer yells out at the crowd, getting a pop in return and leaps!

Covert Jay: Dark Destruction onto Lucy!

Lieberjosch: He rolls Sebastian back into the ring and pulls him up!

Vinegar: Darkness! He rolls him over for the pin!

Covert Jay: ONE! How does he have such boundless energy!

Vinegar: TWO!!

Lieberjosch: THR…Lucy breaks it up!

Vinegar: Err Bear teleports into the ring and scoops Lucy up!

Covert Jay: Bear Hug!

Lieberjosch: Seriously, folks, who didn’t see that moving coming?

Vinegar: It’s a bit on the chin.

Covert Jay: The writer is really tired and wants to go to bed. To quote the great Groucho Marx; “Hey, they can’t all be funny.”

Vinegar: Weird commentary. Anyway, Sebastian rolls from the ring and disappears for a moment. Err Bear throws Lucy at Destroyer, and right into the “Spear of Destruction!” He pulls Lucy up and gives her another “Dark Abyss of Fathomless Evil!” Lucy’s down!

Lieberjosch: Sebastian pops back up and rolls a small burlap bag into the ring. I plops in place and the front falls open.

Covert Jay: What’s in the bag, Nick?

Vinegar: How should I know?

Lieberjosch: Whatever it is, it got Err Bear’s attention! She’s sniffing and glaring right at it!

Vinegar: Well I’ll be damned…

Covert Jay: It’s a blue bunny rabbit! Just in time for Easter!

Lieberjosch: Err...Hare?

Covert Jay: Err Rabbit?

Vinegar: Sure. Why the hell not, right?

Lieberjosch: Fair point is fair, Nick.

Vinegar: The bunny lopes out of the bag, alternating between sniffing at the mat and the air.

Covert Jay: It’s noticed Err Bear!

Lieberjosch: And Err Bear has noticed it!

Vinegar: She bares her teeth and charges after it!

Lieberjosch: It takes off, bounding into the crowd!

Covert Jay: Was that a pun?

Vinegar: DD charges across the ring, but suddenly trips over his own feet and faceplants! Sebastian slides back in! Destroyer gets up and turns around!

Lieberjosch: EMPIRE KICK!

Covert Jay: I think DD might be “dead.”

Vinegar: Seb tags Lucy in. The two throw DD into the ropes! He bounces off and back…

Covert Jay: Wylde Liberation!

Lieberjosch: She drops into the cover!

Vinegar: ONE!





Lieberjosch; TWO!!



Covert Jay: THREE!!!


Dennis: Your WINNERS and STILL UGWC COOPERATIVE CHAMPIONS...EMPIRE OF CALAMITY!

Vinegar: Well...that was certainly...a thing that happened.

Lieberjosch: Yes. We must never speak of this monstrosity again...

[UGWC Staff]

Vinegar: A cage has been lowered around the ring, but this isn’t your ordinary cage match

Lieberjosch: With the cage electrified, every move these competitors make carries the risk of a shocking surprise!

Covert Jay: The Battle of the Travii! Tonight we finally settle who is Alpha and who is Beta!

Vinegar: For sure, this is a rivalry that goes back to the fabled days of young UGWC.

Lieberjosch: It could be argued that both men are woven into the very fabric of this company, that we wouldn’t be where we are today without them.

Vinegar: Any special rules, Jay?

Covert Jay: Like you said, it’s not a typical cage match. There’s no escaping to get a win. Submission or pinfall, down the middle, just like a singles match. Except the electricity flowing through the Faraday Cage!

Lieberjosch: Isn’t the inside of a Faraday Cage supposed to be the safest place?

Covert Jay: It will be, as long as they don’t touch it.

Dennis: This is a Faraday Cage match, featuring first, from Phoenix, AZ, he is The Headliner, TRAVIS ROBERTTTTTTTTTTTS!!

Music starts up, plays for about 30 seconds and when drums hit, Travis appears through the curtain. His arms are spread out as if expecting a hero’s welcome, but of course no-one knows who he is. Not put off by any weak reactions, he shrugs his shoulders, and looks around as if to say “I was born to do this, and you’ll all know it soon enough”.

Vinegar: Why doesn’t anyone know who he is?

Lieberjosch: Because that’s what it says on his roster page.

As he struts down to the ring, he nods and smiles in a fairly patronising way at the crowd. But he will generally stop in the vicinity of an attractive woman and begin to talk to her, and after a while he remembers what he’s supposed to be doing, and slips the girl his number, and almost begrudgingly heads to enter the cage.

Dennis: And his opponent, from Los Angeles, CA, The Icon of Entertainment, TRAVIS PIERCEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Pyros explode on the opening rifts of the song, and as the music softens Travis Pierce comes out from backstage and walks to the cage, and climbs inside.

Vinegar: Roberts charges at Pierce with a thunderous clothesline!

Covert Jay: Both competitors recoil as they inadvertently brush against the electrified cage!

Lieberjosch: That's gotta sting! The electrified cage turning the tide of this match in an instant!

Vinegar: Pierce seizes the opportunity, countering with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker!

Covert Jay: The shock of the cage hasn't slowed him down one bit!

Lieberjosch: Roberts retaliates with a gutwrench suplex!

Vinegar: Pierce immediately kips up, hitting Roberts with a devastating Dragon suplex!

Covert Jay: But before he can capitalize, Roberts hops up to dropkick him into the electrified cage!

Lieberjosch: Roberts struggles to his feet, then delivers a powerful DDT against the frazzled Pierce!

Covert Jay: The ninja strikes with precision, his movements as swift and deadly as the lightning that surrounds them!

Lieberjosch: Here’s a cover!

1!!!





2!!!

Vinegar: But Pierce isn't out of this yet, throwing a shoulder up!

Lieberjosch: Roberts pulls Pierce to his feet and whips him toward the corner.

Vinegar: He braves proximity to the cage by leaping up onto the top turnbuckle!

Covert Jay: THE PIERCING BLOW!

Lieberjosch: The electrified cage adding a whole new level of intensity to this already fierce matchup.

Vinegar: Will the chance pay off? He covers…

1!!!




2!!!




Vinegar: Roberts gets his foot on the rope!

Lieberjosch: Pierce, aggravated, grabs that leg and drags it through the ropes, ramming The Headliner’s foot toward the cage!

Covert Jay: Roberts slips his foot free of his boot, causing Pierce to stumble forward into the cage!

Lieberjosch: He catches himself, but turns around to get pulled into a hammerlock takedown!

Vinegar: It’s Roberts’ turn to brave the ropes… flying elbow drop!

Covert Jay: Pierce rolls away, Roberts elbows the mat!

Vinegar: Pierce hops up and hits a double underhook backbreaker!

Lieberjosch: Then an Irish whip… into the cage!

Covert Jay: The Blessed One inadvertently getting blasphemous on this day after Easter!

Vinegar: Pierce setting up for the Breakdown!

Lieberjosch: Roberts suddenly backpedals hard, driving them both into the cage!

Covert Jay: They’re both convulsing before collapsing nearly on top of one another.

Vinegar: Not quite near enough for a decisive pinfall but…

Lieberjosch: Roberts is up!

Vinegar: The Icon is stirring, but Roberts is already on him!

Covert Jay: The White Out!

1!!!





2!!!







3!!!

Dennis: Your winner, TRAVIS ROBBBBBBBBBBBBERTS!!

Covert Jay: Victory, like the silent strike of the ninja, unexpected yet undeniable in its power!

[UGWC Staff]

Vinegar: We continue here at Alchemy with perhaps one of the biggest Cross-Hemisphere Championship matches in history!

Mitchell Dennis: The following contest is a TABLE MATCH for the Cross-Hemisphere Championship!

Donovan Hastings emerges from backstage and walks to the ring.

Mitchell Dennis: Introducing first, the challenger, the Lord of Pain, DONNNOOVAANNNN HAASSSSSTTTTTIIINNNNNGGGGGGSSSSS!!!!

Vinegar: Donovan Hastings is arguably one of the greatest champions in UGWC history, but tonight he competes for a title he has never won here in UGWC, against an opponent that he has never beaten.

Covert Jay: And it’s not for lack of trying.

Lieberjosch: Hastings and Zane have faced off in the finals of the Global Challenge, they have fought for the World Title, and they have competed against each other at Horizons, and Hastings has never been victorious.

Covert Jay: Zane has five wins over him on Pay-Per-View by my count.

Vinegar: And he could make it six here tonight in San Francisco.

Zane Scott appear on the stage, holding the Cross-Hemisphere Title and staring daggers at his challenger.

Mitchell Dennis: And his opponent, he is the reigning AND defending Cross-Hemisphere Champion, the Professional, ZZZAAAAANNNNNEEEE SCCCCCOOOTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!

Lieberjosch: Hastings has said that this time it isn’t personal for him, at least not where Zane is concerned, but I’m not sure that Zane feels the same way.

Vinegar: A lot of history between these two, they were Cooperative Champions at one point, going by the name Pain and Paradox, but Zane Scott has never forgotten what he views as a personal betrayal of him by Hastings during the year when the latter was the Creative Director.

Lieberjosch: And as much as Hastings insists this isn’t personal against Zane, you know he’d love to check that name off his list, he wants to beat Zane for this title.

Covert Jay: I think he forgot who was champ when he made the challenge.

DING DING!!

Vinegar: Hastings already out of the ring, he pulls out a table and begins to set up it up on the side of the ring, at about the middle of the side of the ring, up against the railing.

Lieberjosch: Zane rolls out of the ring on that side and steps behind Hastings as he finishes steadying the table.

Vinegar: Hastings turns and Scott lifts him right up, this could be over already!

Covert Jay: This could be Zane’s quickest win over Hastings yet!

Vinegar: Scott is about to slam Hastings through the table, but Hastings floats out and hooks his arm around the Professional’s neck and puts him into a sleeper hold!

Lieberjosch: Zane fails his arms, then steps backwards and rams Hastings into the side of the ring.

Vinegar: Hastings lets go of the hold, and Scott pivots and throws him towards the table.

Covert Jay: Hastings slides over the table and the barricade into the crowd, and Zane hops the railing and goes after him.

Lieberjosch: They’re in the crowd, Hastings looks panicked, but turns right into a clothesline from Zane as security pushes the fans away to give the competitors room, and Hastings might have gotten a wake-up call there.

Covert Jay: Hastings has been continually side-stepping the reality of who his opponent is tonight, shifting his focus, he just got a harsh reality check, there’s no sidestepping it anymore!

Vinegar: Scott pounds away on Hastings’s back, then picks him up and drops him on the railing, and Hastings tumbles back to ringside near the steps.

Lieberjosch: Zane steps over the railing and stands over Hastings, who drops him onto the steps with a toe hold.

Covert Jay: Desperation move, Hastings needs to regroup quickly.

Vinegar: Hastings staggers to his feet as Scott shakes it off and rolls into the ring.

Lieberjosch: Hastings trying to get his bearings still, Zane charges at him, but Hastings turns around and catches him with a kick to the gut.

Vinegar: Scott is bent over with the wind knocked out of him, and Hastings hits a facebuster.

Lieberjosch: Hastings slides out of the ring and picks up a second table, and slides it into the ring, following himself.

Vinegar: Hastings goes to whip Zane into the ropes, but Zane reverses it and kick Hastings in the face on the rebound.

Lieberjosch: Hastings rolls over to his hand and knees, checking his mouth for blood.

Covert Jay: Zane pulls him up from behind and hits a pump handle slam.

Vinegar: Scott walks over to the table and sets it up in the corner, steadying it as Hastings staggers to his feet and creeps behind the Professional.

Covert Jay: Hastings again tries to apply a sleeper, but Zane breaks out of it into an arm drag, sending Hastings sprawling near the ropes.

Vinegar: Scott charges at Hastings, who dumps him over the ropes with a back body drop!

Lieberjosch: Zane falls outside to where the table is set up, and he uses it to pull himself up.

Vinegar: Hastings uses the far ropes for momentum and leaps over the ropes to splash Zane, who dives out of the way, and Hastings crashes through the table!

Covert Jay: Hastings lying in the shards of the broken table, but this match can only end when somebody goes through a table after an offensive move. Zane has to put Hastings through the table, he can’t put himself through it!

Vinegar: Scott staggers to his feet, and pulls Hastings out of the shattered table, and he holds Hastings in a bear hug before running him back first into the ring post!

Covert Jay: Hastings might be the Lord of Pain, but Zane Scott is the personification of it!

Lieberjosch: Don’t forget, while Hastings has been talking a lot lately about wanting to have a championship-defining reign with the Cross-Hemisphere Title, Zane Scott is already in the middle of one, having held the title since last year’s WrestleStock Festival. He’s got records on his mind himself, and he’ll be damned if his run is getting interrupted by Hastings of all people!

Vinegar: Hastings in a heap at ringside, and Scott drags him up and rolls him into the ring.

Lieberjosch: Hastings’s left arm twitches slightly, but he is otherwise motionless.

Covert Jay: Zane rolls into the ring, and drags Hastings to the corner with the table.

Vinegar: Scott sets up the table, then lifts Hastings onto the turnbuckle.

Lieberjosch: Zane’s looking to finish it in grand style!

Vinegar: He climbs the turnbuckle and sets up for a superplex, but Hastings blocks it!

Covert Jay: There is life in the Lord yet!

Vinegar: Scott delivers repeated clubbing blows to Hastings, goes again for the superplex, but Hastings blocks it again!

Lieberjosch: He’s holding onto the top rope with both hands!

Vinegar: Scott goes to dislodge his grip, but Hastings suddenly shoves him, Scott falls backwards off the turnbuckle!

Covert Jay: THROUGH THE TABLE!!!!!!

Mitchell Dennis: Here is your winner, and the NEW Cross-Hemisphere Champion, DONOVAN HASSSSTTTINNNNGGGGSSSSS!!!!

Lieberjosch: What a lucky-

Vinegar: Hastings wins the Cross-Hemisphere Title!

Covert Jay: Hastings falls from the turnbuckle to the mat and rolls out of the ring, looks like he’s not even fully aware of what just happened.

Vinegar: He’s being presented with the title as he’s slumped at ringside, Hastings staring at the title in disbelief, grabs it and clutches it to his chest.

Lieberjosch: Zane stirring in the shards in the ring, and he pounds his fist in frustration and shoves pieces of the broken wood away.

Vinegar: A stunning upset, but we have lots more action still to come here at Alchemy!

[UGWC Staff]

Vinegar: This has certainly been a fun and wild night so far as we’ve seen our first ever “Tempest Match.”

Lieberjosch: At least mouse-boy is clean now.

Covert Jay: The Ferarri got cleaned! HA!

Lieberjosch: You’re offensively unfunny.

Vinegar: In addition to that match, which the janitors of this facility will hate us for having for the rest of time, we also had an insane ladder match for the Cooperative Championships which saw a bear wrestle for the first time ever.

Lieberjosch: Because of that, the hapless moron whose mere existence is an affront to evil was actually able to put a shirt on without almost choking himself out.

Covert Jay: I was disappointed that we didn’t get to see Err Bear climb the ladder.

Lieberjosch: She doesn’t need to climb. She can bend space and time. Also, don’t say her name, lest she appear and screw up the rest of the show.

Covert Jay: I have it on good authority that she’s too tired to appear anymore tonight.

Lieberjosch: Whose authority? The voices in your head?

Covert Jay: No, Big Lou at the insurance booth!

Lieberjosch: I should’ve known.

Vinegar: In any case, it was a wild match.

Lieberjosch: It was, and if that wasn’t wild enough, we saw the Travii try to destroy each other in a Faraday Cave. Whoever came up with that one has some imagination.

Vinegar: I agree! Even after that, I doubt that the issue between them is completely settled.

Liberjosch: Unlikely. Both of them have tremendous egoes, and this rivalry over the “Alpha” Travis has been going on for a decade. I doubt that tonight really settled anything.

Vinegar: That all depends on how well the loser accepts his loss.

Lieberjosch: This is true, and neither have ever been great losers.

Vinegar: It may not be over between them.

Covert Jay: You know what should be over?

Lieberjosch: What?

Covert Jay: Yo yabberin! Here comes Da Champ!

Lieberjosch: I hate you.

Vinegar: That’s not what the run sheet says.

Covert Jay: I know, I just wanted to shut you two up for five seconds.

Vinegar: We’re about to be “shut up” anyway. Here’s Mitchell!

Dennis: Ladies and gentlemen this match is for ONE FALL and is a SCAFFOLD MATCH for the UGWC CHAOS CHAMPIONSHIP. Introducing the CHALLENGER!!



Ezra Wolf makes his way out of the curtain as ‘California Love’ by A Joker’s Rage comes blaring out of the speakers and pauses at the top of the ramp. He heads towards the ring, slapping hands and singing along to his entrance music. He walks up the stairs and hops onto the apron before stepping up onto the middle turnbuckle. He pauses to play the air guitar a bit before stepping on the top rope and jumping into the ring. As he lands, he rolls forward and ends up on one knee in the center of the ring. Ezra throws his arms and head back, letting out a primal scream before tearing off his entrance gear. He hands it to the ring attendant then takes a knee in his corner, looking up at the scaffolding as he waits for the match to begin.

Dennis: Standing in today at six feet, three inches tall and weighing two hundred and twenty five pounds, he hails from West Hollywood, California. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you EZRAAAAAAA WOOOOOOOOOOLF!!

Liebejosch: It’s a good thing he’s young, because Wolf has never experienced anything like this.

Vinegar: Why is it so good that he’s young?

Lieberjosch: He’s more malleable. He’ll heal faster.

Covert Jay: Plus, he’s a Warewolf! He won’t feel any pain!

Lieberjosch: He’s not a werewolf. That’s just something Avenger says because he’s a moron.

Vinegar: Maybe, given what he’s about to face, he should be wishing that he WAS such a creature.

Covert Jay: Yeah! He’d always land on his feet when he’s thrown from the scaffold!

Lieberjosch: That’s a CAT, you imbecile.

Vinegar: I’m sure that Ezra’s entire plan is to NOT get thrown or dropped off of it. I’m sure it’s the same for Avenger.

Covert Jay: But Vengy can FLY!

Lieberjosch: You innocent little simpleton.

Covert Jay: What?

Vinegar: Don’t take that away from him, Hans.

Lieberjosch: I

Dennis: Introducing the CHAMPION!!

Lieberjosch: That’s not fair, Nicky.

Vinegar: I’m not in charge of the entrances.



The lights go out as Bonnie Tyler's "Holding Out For A Hero" begins to play, with spotlights searching the rafters for the hero.



Where have all the good men gone

And where are all the gods?

Where's the street-wise Hercules

To fight the rising odds?



Finally every light converges onto the ramp, and the color turns to green with the symbol of the Avenger appearing on the video wall.



Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed?

Late at night I toss and I turn, I dream of what I need

Right as Bonnie says, "I need a hero!", The Avenger races out on a stylish green and black motorcycle, with his logo plastered on the front. He circles the ring with it, passing by the announce tables and fans, before parking it back on the ramp and hopping off. He then leaps up on to the apron and darts up the turnbuckle, holding out a big thumbs up for the audience before jumping back into the ring to prepare for the match.

Vinegar: Both competitors look leery of this structure and I can’t blame them.

Lieberjosch: Someone’s night is going to end suddenly and rather painfully.

Covert Jay: Avenger can fly!

Lieberjosch: He can’t. You’re an idiot. Shut up.

Vinegar: There’s the bell and both men stare at each other, then up at the scaffold. Neither of them looks enthused by this experience.

Lieberjosch: They shouldn’t be. Not only is that structure next to impossible to stay balanced on, but the sudden terrestrial stop is quite unpleasant.

Covert Jay: I didn’t know they’re going to the moon!

Lieberjosch: What?

Covert Jay: That long “t” word.

Lieberjosch: “Terrestrial.”

Covert Jay: That one.

Lieberjosch: It means “earth.” If I’d meant the moon, I’d have said “lunar.”

Covert Jay: Lunartic!

Lieberjosch: You’re unbearable.

Vinegar: Avenger and Ezra walk up to each other. I don’t expect a handshake to happen here.

Lieberjosch: Nor should you.
Covert Jay: Knuckle sandwiches for EVERYONE!

Lieberjosch: Trafe.

Vinegar: Avenger and Wolf begin throwing a furious fallasade of fists at each other, walking each other across the ring, but with neither gaining the upper hand.

Covert Jay: “Upper hand.” I see what you did there.

Lieberjosch: Excellent use of alliteration, Nicholas.

Vinegar: Thank you. Ezra ducks under an attempted kick and responds with a clothesline, sending Avenger to the canvas. Avenger immediately kips up, ducks an attempted lariat from Exra and responds with dropkick to the back that sends Ezra into one of the scaffold supports.

Covert Jay: That rattling makes my blood chill.

Lieberjosch: As it should. A talent, or in your case clown, who doesn’t respect the sheer danger of that edifice is truly a fool.

Covert Jay: At least I’m funny.

Lieberjosch: Hardly.

Vinegar: Avenger runs up and dropkicks Ezra in the back, driving him into the turnbuckle. He charges toward the ropes!

Lieberjosch: Impressing.

Covert Jay: He’s a superhero!

Vinegar: Avenger whips Ezra across the ring, flipping him over with a beautiful springboard hurricanrana.

Covert Jay: When are they going up to the penthouse?

Lieberjosch: They’re avoiding it to taunt you.

Vinegar: Avenger charges at Ezra catching him right as he gets to his feet!

Lieberjosch: A fantastic bit of ring awareness!

Covert Jay: NINJAAAAAA!!!

Lieberjosch: Shut up.

Vinegar: Avenger leapt at just the last second, only for Ezra to catch him and chuck him into the corner with a T-Bone suplex! He follows Avenger into the corner and begins peppering him with punches, elbows, forearms..

Covert Jay: I bet that hurt.

Lieberjosch: I bet that hurt everyone from Avenger through the tenth row.

Vinegar: It was one hell of a slap. In fact it’s made Avenger a little wobbly.

Covert Jay: The only “wobbly” I want to see is the scaffold!

Lieberjosch: You’ll get your wish eventually.

Vinegar: Avenger returns with a slap of his own!

Covert Jay: BOOOORINNNNNG!!!

Lieberjosch: Ezra fires back, striking with a loud crack!

Vinegar: A retaliatory smack from Avenger!

Covert Jay: I felt the air move down here! What superhero power!

Lieberjosch: Sigh.

Vinegar: The two begin to exchange rapid fire chops! Back and forth, chop for chop, strike for strike!

Covert Jay: I swear that I hear sonic booms every time Avenger strikes!

Lieberjosch: If you did, we’d all be deaf.

Covert Jay: Come on, Doc! Have a little fun! Use your imagination!

Lieberjosch: I haven’t one.

Vinegar: Avenger takes a chop to the chest that sends him back into the ropes. He bounces off and returns the favor with a forearm that catches Ezra directly in the chin, knocking him back. He charges at Ezra and leaps, springing off of the scaffold support!

Covert Jay: NINJ...

Lieberjosch: Perfect! A fantastic counter!

Covert Jay: Avenger is still on his…

Lieberjosch: Not anymore!

Vinegar: Ezra counters Avenger’s springboard with “Kickin It Old School!”

Lieberjosch: They do realize that they can’t WIN down here...

Covert Jay: You’re the one who said they’d get up there eventually!

Lieberjosch: Sometime before midnight would be great. I want to see someone fall fast and land violently.

Vinegar: Ezra runs at the downed Avenger! He leaps up, seemingly looking for his stomp!

Covert Jay: WOW!!

Lieberjosch: It was a good counter, but not worth that!

Vinegar: Avenger ambushes Ezra, turning him inside out with a clothesline! He waits for Ezra to get to his hands and knees and runs at him!

Lieberjosch: That use of his opponent was better than Ezra!

Covert Jay: Boooooo!

Vinegar: I agree, that joke was forced.

Lieberjosch: Neither of you appreciates humor.

Covert Jay: We do when it’s funny.

Vinegar: Avenger begins shooting up to the scaffold as Ezra clears his head.

Covert Jay: He climbs like a spider monkey!

Lieberjosch: I’m not sure that I’m comfortable reference.

Vinegar: Ezra leaps to his feet and darts after Avenger, scuttering up the ladder right as Avenger reaches the top!


Lieberjosch: “Scuttering.” Good word use, Nicky.
Vinegar: Thank you.

Covert Jay: They’re both to the top! Let the fun begin!

Vinegar: Ezra reaches the top and Avenger allows him to stand up.

Lieberjosch: Sure, because even as stupid as he is, he knows he can’t win until Ezra’s ON the scaffold.

Vinegar: Ezra gets to his feet and the two immediately begin to exchange punches again, causing the scaffold to rattle and shake. It doesn’t slow them down as the punches quickly switch to forearms!

Covert Jay: They’re really going to down!

Lieberjosch: The scaffold is starting to really sway!

Vinegar: Each forearm they land causes it to swing a little more.

Covert Jay: Whoa!

Lieberjosch: That was almost catastrophic for Avenger.

Vinegar: Ezra dodged an attempted elbow, causing Avenger to stop over the edge with one foot!

Lieberjosch: He was almost the “Ahhhhhhshitvenger!”

Vinegar: Fortunately for him, he recovered quickly and barely avoided a nearly catastrophic end to his reign! He looks up at Ezra with a surprised expression and eats a boot for his effort, sending rolling ass over end across the scaffold until he comes to a stop with both legs hanging off!

Covert Jay: Look at them kick!

Lieberjosch: Avenger is fighting desperately to stay on. Ezra walks up to him and raises a foot.

Covert Jay: He’s going to stomp him out!

Vinegar: He looks conflicted!

Lieberjosch: Do it you stupid kid! Stomp on him!

Vinegar: Ezra’s foot stays paused as Avenger continues to struggle!

Covert Jay: He’s making progress!

Vinegar: Ezra shrugs and looks almost apologetic…

Covert Jay: He stomped! Avenger’s hand falls away!

Lieberjosch: One more and that’s all she wrote!

Vinegar: Ezra lifts up his leg to stomp again!

Covert Jay: Yeet!

Lieberjosch: No “yeet.”

Vinegar: Avenger manages to get his loose hand back onto the net as he grabs Ezra and pulls his leg out from under him. Ezra falls over backward and lands hard on the scaffolding!

Covert Jay: That shake more than my grandma on the dance floor!

Lieberjosch: Illness caused twitches don’t count!

Vinegar: HANS!

Lieberjosch: What?

Vinegar: Not cool!

Covert Jay: Ezra’s back up right as Avenger shoots himself up the net to the scaffold!

Vinegar: He caught Ezra completely off guard!

Lieberjosch: Ezra appeared to think that Avenger was further down than he was.

Vinegar: He catches Ezra with an uppercut! Ezra topples backward!

Covert Jay: He went backward over the protective partial railing!

Lieberjosch: He’s caught in the ladder!

Vinegar: That ladder rung is the only thing that’s saved him from falling off the scaffold and onto his head!

Lieberjosch: If Avenger can find a way to capitalize, he wins.

Covert Jay: He’d better hurry! Ezra his swinging wildly to get his hands onto the ladder so he can free himself!

Vinegar: Avenger bends over the edge and begins trying to free Ezra’s feet!

Covert Jay: Ezra’s doing all he can to save himself!

Vinegar: He has his hands locked around the ladder under him as Avenger continues to struggle with his foot! Ezra kicks at him with the free leg every time!

Lieberjosch: I’m not sure it’s doing any good, but it’s better than the alternative!

Vinegar: Avenger twists Ezra’s foot and it pops free! His leg flops over, trying to find the ground!

Lieberjosch: Ezra’s done!

Covert Jay: How precarious!

Vinegar: At the last second, Ezra contorts his body and ends up on the ladder facing the right way! He stars ascending, but Avenger is in his way and blocking him from getting to the top!

Covert Jay: Avenger misses with a kick!

Vinegar: Ezra is almost to the top!

Lieberjosch: That one found its target, right on top of Ezra’s head!

Vinegar: One of Ezra’s hands slips! Avenger launches another kick!

Lieberjosch: Ezra swats sideways at it!

Covert Jay: Avenger goes down!

Vinegar: Ezra makes it all the way to the top but is only to his knees when Avenger charges at him and leaps!

Covert Jay: Ezra’s done if this connects!

Vinegar: Avenger kicks off of the railing and turns, fist raised high as Ezra turns his head!

Lieberjosch: He has him dead to rights!

Vinegar: It looks that way!

Covert Jay: Whoa!

Lieberjosch: I’ll be damned!

Vinegar: Ezra avoids the Superhero Landing!

Covert Jay: Point Break!

Lieberjosch: He caught Avenger completely off guard!

Vinegar: Avenger’s legs are wobbly! Ezra leaps up!

Lieberjosch: Kill the Noise!!

Viengar: Avenger spins around and topples from the scaffold!

Covert Jay: Holy shit, what a landing!

Vinegar: Ezra collapses on the scaffold as medical personnel run out to check on Avenger!

Covert Jay: He’s had really bad luck with high places lately…

Lieberjosch: For once I agree with you. I feel sick…

Vinegar: Ezra Wolf fights off The Avenger to claim our Chaos Championship in one of the more terrifying matches we’ve seen in a while!

Dennis: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOUR WINNER AND NEWWWWWWW UGWC CHAOS CHAMPION…EZZZZRAAAAA WOOOOOOOOOOOLF!!!!

Vinegar: The Conquest Championship match is NEXT!!!

Lieberjosch: Yeah, right after we get the former, and new champion out of the ring and that hideous structure out of the way so we can replace it with one equally as barbaric.

[UGWC Staff]

Mitchell Dennis: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and it is for The Conquest Championship...It is the Cupric, Ferric, and Plumbic Match! The winner of this match will be The Conquest Champion and also be in the corner of Matt Knox in The Main Event!!

Covert Jay: The what and the whoseit?

Vinegar: Copper, Iron, and Lead match. The wrestlers can only fight with weapons made of these items...

Lieberjosch: So they can get dqued with a steel chair but if they have a copper pipe...it's fine?

Vinegar: Yep!

Covert Jay: This show is weird...

Lieberjosch: For once we agree!

Mitchell Dennis: Introducing first...the challenger...hailing from Pittsburgh, PA...He is "The Son Of A Bitch"...Trent Steel!!!

The lights start to flicker as "Bleed the Freak" by Alice in Chains starts to play...

"Myyyy Cup Runneth Overrrrr...Likkkkeeee Blood from a Stoneeeeeeee..."

As the chorus starts to play fire goes off in the entranceway as Trent Steel heads down the rampway. Trent is wearing a stylyed black trench coat with barbwire, metal spikes, and chains on it. His eyes covered by black oakleys with red leses. HIs face covered in corpse paint. As he gets to the bottom of the rampway he brings up a grill lighter to his lips and spits out a fireball! Trent gets into the ring and removes the trench coat and his shades. Under the coat we see he's basically wearing black street clothes. He faces the closest ring corner and does a quick "Hail Mary" before he pops his knuckles and awaits his opponent.

Vinegar: This man started a one man war in the past two months and is on a mission to destroy UGWC

Lieberjosch: Can you blame him? I mean really. The mistakes of the past have finally caught up with this place and I, for one, welcome our rich friend here to air his grievences...

Vinegar: You're just saying that because he's rich and you want money!

Lieberjosch: And?

Covert Jay: He looks like a really angry clown...

Lieberjosch: I dare you to tell him that.

Covert Jay: I aint dat dumb...

Mitchell Dennis: And his opponent...He is the current Conquest Champion!...Larry Tact!!

"In the Face of Evil" by Magic Sword reverberates over the PA. Row after row, aisle to aisle, those members of the Coalition in attendance rise to their feet throughout the arena and cheer, knowing one of their workhorses is about to appear!


As the second, third, and fourth chords of the theme reverberates, three spotlights shine down, one over another: A green circle, a gold triangle over it, and a crimson line intersecting the other two. On the Tron, his monikers cycle through one after another:

TACTILIZING ONE

GAME CHANGER

LIMIT BREAKER

TACTILIZING ONE

GAME CHANGER

LIMIT BREAKER

From there, the beat triggers the house lights to illuminate the figure of Larry Tact, standing on stage, looking down as he hones in for the battle ahead.

Larry whips his head up and trudges to one side of the stage, firing up the fans by throwing his arms in the air at them. He then goes to the other side of the stage and beats his chest before opening his arms to the reaction of the Coalition, who hoot and holler back. "GAME ON!" Larry bellows as his arms point around at the crowd. He then returns to center stage and makes his way down to the ring, pounding fists with some fans at ringside before hanging onto the middle rope and pulling himself up onto the apron.

He turns and faces the stands, opening his arms up and making a ‘T’ shape, puffing his chest out. Wiping his boots on the apron, Tact proceeds into the ring. He climbs a turnbuckle and again holds his arms out. “LET’S GO!!!” he exclaims to another pop before descending and turning to face Trent Steel who is smirking at him on the outside of the ring.

Vinegar: These two have a history and they have been wanting to get at each other in the ring for weeks since their first encounter.

Lieberjosch: Ah this is capitalism at it's finest...two rich guys fighting each other with common materails...All we need is Scrooge McDuck to referee...

Covert Jay: AH WOOO OOOOO!!

DING! DING! DING!

Vinegar: And the match starts off with Tact lunging at Steel and Steel hitting Tact with a drop toe hold! Steel gets on Tact's back and paintbrushes the back of his head and rolls out of the ring.

Lieberjosch: This is a great tactic to get the big man off his game, Steel has been playing mindgames with Tact for weeks and Tact follows by chasing Steel around the ring.

Covert Jay: Larry! Call Gizmoduck! He'll save you!

Vinegar: Steel finally stops on the outside of the ring as Tact is coming full tilt and...BACK BODY DROP ONTO THE RING BARRIER!!

Lieberjosch: OW! Tact's hanging upside down by his legs on the barrier as the fans clear away. Steel's gone under the ring.

Covert Jay: Maybe he's got a present...THAT'S NOT A PRESENT!!

Vinegar: What in the...He's got a copper covered barbwire wrapped around a...iron baseball bat?!

Lieberjosch: Rules are rules kids...

Covert Jay: That is not an official baseball bat by The National Baseball League...we're gonna get letters.

Vinegar: Baseball Slide by Steel into the side of the face of Tact! Tact is finally off the barricade as Steel brings the copper barbwire lead bat down across the back of Tact!

Lieberjosch: OW! Tact is screaming out in pain as Steel picks him up and rolls him into the ring. Steel's going up top and he hits a flying baseball chop to the face of Tact!

Covert Jay: Ewwww...

Vinegar: Steel grabs Tact and tosses him into the ropes, and goes for another shot, to the midsection this time, with the bat...but Tact dodges it. Steel turns...SPINEBUSTER! Tact wastes no time and grabs the copper barbwire lead bat!

Lieberjosch: Tact is raking the forehead of Trent Steel over and over again! I love it!

Covert Jay: This is gross guys...This is not what I thought I'd see when you said there would be full metal alchemy...

Lieberjosch: Hey Jay...you wanna know what happens to the dog in that show?

Coverty Jay: There's a puppy??!!

Vinegar: Don't you freaking dare go there...Tact is up and has decided to go outside himself and pulls out a tool box. He opens it up and...he's got a large lead pipe! The fans are on their feet!

Lieberjosch: Now come on Larry. Trent's not such a bad guy. Think of what his legal team could do to...OHHH!! Chop block from behind to Steel's knee! Steel is on the ground grabbing is left leg as Tact picks him up for a running powerslam!

Covert Jay: What's Larry...Oh no! He's picked up that lead pipe again and...

Vinegar: "Larry's Throne"!! Or at least a variation where Larry puts a lead pipe over the throat of his opponent before putting in the hold! Will Trent Steel tap out?!

Lieberjosch: He's got to! Tact is gonna crush his windpipe if he does...Mandible Claw!!!

Covert Jay: Larry lets go and so does that mean clown guy! They're both crawlinig to the ropes...

Vinegar: Both men are up...and they charge each other! Fists of fury are flying as both men are trading punches!

Lieberjosch: Yeah and the damn fans are cheering along everytime Tact hits a punch, and booing such a great fellow like Steel!

Covert Jay: It's like a rock concert...Boooooo...Yayyyy...Booo....Yayyyy...

Vinegar: Steel changes it up with a kick to the gut, but Tact catches him. Enzugiri from Steel! Tact is down on the mat and Steel picks up his copper barbwire lead bat again. He's setting Tact up for a Russian Leg Sweep with the bat over Tact's throat!

Lieberjosch: DAMN! That hit almost took a chunk out of Tact's throat! Both men are busted open and bleeding and Steel seems to be...well he's happy.

Covert Jay: Angry clown is laughing now...Not good.

Vinegar: Steel's reputation as a sadist is not without...Oh no! BAT DICK SLAM CITY!!!

Lieberjosch: Well...it's legal!

Covert Jay: Oh...phew...It missed Larry's boys. Clown guy got his inner thigh instead!

Vinegar: I don't think Trent Steel cares as long as Larry Tact is in a pool of his own blood. Steel looks at the bat and tosses it to the outside and follows. He's heading under the ring again and...That's um...

Lieberjosch: Is that a iron table?!!

Covert Jay: The whole crowd hushed...This is not good.

Vinegar: This is going to far! Alice Nasmith needs to stop this!

Lieberjosch: Rather anyone likes it or not it's a legal weapon in the match. Steel is setting up the Iron Table in the center of the ring. This is going to be rough to watch folks.

Covert Jay: This is...Jawbreaker from Tact! Steel is down as Tact grabs both of Steel's arms from the back and...

Vinegar: Tact is attempting to surfboard Steel by pushing his weight down onto the center of Steel's spine and...

POP!

Vinegar:...

Lieberjosch:...

Covert Jay:...

Vinegar: Tact just dislocated Steel's arms!

Lieberjosch: Tact backs off. He's telling the referee he didn't mean to as Alice Nasmith checks on Steel who...he's crawling over to the corner and and standing up. Oh, I think I'm gonna be sick.

Covert Jay: He's smiling. He...OH NO!!

SLAM!!!

SLAM!!!

SLAM!!!

POP!!

Vinegar: Steel just slammed his left shoulder into the turnbuckle post to reset it and is doing the same with his right! He's motioning for Larry Tact to come on!

Lieberjosch: This crowd is on it's feet cheering for sure now. Tact is dumbfounded but starts smiling as Steel cocks his head back and laughs. The two charge and start hitting each other again!

Covert Jay: Okay...I'm crazy but this guy is freaking nuts man!

Vinegar: These two men are beating the hell out of each other left and right again. Steel's going for the kick again, Tact ducks it. Tact gets a headlock on Steel and looks to go for a DDT...

Lieberjosch: NO! Shove off by Steel. Tact bounces off the ropes. HURRICANRANA!!

Covert Jay: Tact hit the corner of the Iron Table with his ribs! Tact's down!

Vinegar: Steel grabs Larry and knee's him in the face! He's setting up Tact for "The Eradication" powerbomb..but Steel looks to be aiming for the Iron Table!

Lieberjosch: Here it comes...

Covert Jay: I can't watch!

Vinegar:...TACT SLIDES OUT OF IT! Turnaround from Steel! Kick to the gut! Tactilizer!!! INTO THE IRON TABLE!! Steel bounces off of the table...Cover by Tact...



One...



TWO....



Lieberjosch: Steel's got his hand in Tact's mouth going for that mandible claw again!

Covert Jay: Oh no!



THREE!!!

Mitchell Dennis: Here is your winner...and STILL Conquest Champion!!! And will be in the corner of Matt Knox in the Main Event...LARRYYY TACTTTT!!!

The referee pulls Tact away from Steel who is down on canvas still with his arm outstretched. Tact stumbles back, exhausted, and taking deep breaths as Steel slowly sits up. EMT's rush down to the ring to check on Steel, but Steel waves them off. He gets up, spits out some blood, and smirks. "This isn't over..." He says as he starts to walk his way to the back.

Vinegar: Oh I got a feeling this isn't over...

Lieberjosch: If this is Act One...Act Two's gonna get someone in the hospital for sure!

Covert Jay: But how well can Larry help Knox in the next match?

[UGWC Staff]

Vinegar: What a night it has been here at Alchemy, but it is time now for our main event!

Mitchell Dennis: The following contest is a BURIED ALIVE MATCH, and is for the World Heavyweight Championship!

The houselights cut out, a single Raven cries out soon joined by another, then another until the cries of an entire unkindness fill the house sound system, soon broken by "Hell Broke Luce" by Tom Waits cutting through, the house lights coming up to a dull blue as a single white strobe light pulses in time to the song's percussion. Standing in the middle of that pulsing light, back to the ring, stands Matthew Knox adorned in his ring gear and a sleeveless hoodie. Arms outstretched like a bird in flight he pivots on a heel and begins making his way to the ring, sliding under the bottom rope and picking a corner to charge and leap upon to scream the audience into a frenzy. He takes a lap around the ring, before kneeling in a corner and patiently waiting for the ring bell to sound.

Mitchell Dennis: Introducing first, the challenger, he is the winner of the 2024 Global Challenge and Keeper of the Global Key, the Raven, MATTTTTTT KNNNOOOXXXXXXXX!!!!!

Vinegar: And the man whom Knox beat to win that Key remains at ringside, here to support him after winning that right and successfully retaining his own title moments ago, Larry Tact.

Covert Jay: Tact looks like he’s been through a war.

Lieberjosch: Because he pretty much was. It’s a testament to the fortitude of Larry Tact that he’s still out here and on his feet, after what we just witnessed.

Covert Jay: There’s no love lost between Larry Tact and Matt Knox, but there is certainly a mutual respect at this point. Tact is going to do everything he can to make sure Knox doesn’t get fleeced here.

Lieberjosch: I’m not sure he can do much of anything right now.

The lights go out, and stay out for a few seconds, before a lone spotlight begins to shine down upon the stage. As the music first starts out, fireworks go off around the area that the spotlight showcases. Up through the flooring of the stage rises 'Vain' Alan Wallace. Vain tosses the hood of his robe back, revealing that beautiful money maker of his, and then throws his arms up in the air as he begins walking towards the ring, as ‘The Bogeyman’ JC emerges from backstage as shadows him to the ring. Upon entering the ring, Vain spins around in a circle with his arms raised high, basking in the reaction of the people. He then prepares for the task in front of him, as his music begins to fade out.

Mitchell Dennis: And his opponent, he is the reigning AND defending World Heavyweight Champion, he’s the reason muscle shirts were invented and the prognosticator of the bro hug, the Vain One, ALLANNN WALLLLLAAACCCCCEEEEEE!!!!

Vinegar: And this is certainly not something we’d have ever expected to see a few months ago, Wallace being accompanied to the ring by JC.

Lieberjosch: Certainly an unholy alliance, but the issues between JC and Knox are deeply personal, and Vain knows you don’t get to keep the World Title by playing nicely in the sandbox.

Covert Jay: No, tonight you keep it by burying someone in some dirt.

Vinegar: It’s worth noting that JC still has his arm in that brace we’ve seen him in lately, the injury not yet fully healed.

Covert Jay: You’re saying he’s not medically cleared yet? Is that something we bother we around here?

Lieberjosch: He could still probably take Tact right now if he needed to.

DING DING!!!

Vinegar: Wallace and Knox meeting in the center of the ring, words being exchanged, and Wallace attempts a sucker punch, but Knox blocks it and staggers him back towards the ropes with right hands before clotheslining him over to the outside.

Lieberjosch: Vain is a two-time Valhalla Burial match winner, it’s how he won the World Title to begin with, but this is a completely different match, one he’s not been in before!

Covert Jay: And Matt Knox just won one of these a few months ago at Horizons, over JC!

Vinegar: Knox drops to the outside, but turns as he notices JC approaching.

Covert Jay: Knox tells JC to stay away, and Tact steps in to take over, yelling at JC to keep his distance.

Vinegar: Knox turns his attention back to Wallace, who in one motion stands and swings a kendo stick, catching Knox upside the chin!

Lieberjosch: He took Knox right off his feet, Vain must have grabbed that from under the ring when Knox was distracted!

Vinegar: And Wallace to his feet, he rains repeated blows on Knox, until the stick cracks completely in half!

Lieberjosch: JC hands him another, and Vain picks up where he left off. Tact yells at JC to not get involved, and JC points at his own brace and tells Tact to buzz off.

Covert Jay: In so many words.

Vinegar: Wallace breaks the second stick over Knox, and now JC has a steel chair.

Lieberjosch: Tact gets in his face and snatches the chair away from JC, but JC was dragged a second chair on the floor with his foot, and he kicks it towards Vain as Tact puts the chair back by the timekeeper’s table.

Covert Jay: Vain picks up the chair and charges at Knox with it, but Knox quickly stands and connects with a roundhouse kick, knocking the chair back into Vain’s face!

Vinegar: Knox gets to his feet and picks up the chair, and as Wallace stands he flings it at him again!

Lieberjosch: Knox grabs Vain and starts taking him towards the set up for the gravesite, walking over the dirt towards the hole.

Vinegar: Wallace shoves Knox away, then knocks him down with a clothesline!

Lieberjosch: JC is bringing Vain the shovel, but Tact steps in his way.

Covert Jay: The Bogeyman can carry the shovel, but I don’t think he can swing it with the arm in the brace.

Vinegar: JC goading Tact into attacking him, Larry Tact isn’t going for that, and I’ll be honest, I’m not convinced he truly has a preference as to who wins this match, but he wants to see that person do it by himself.

Lieberjosch: Vain looks annoyed by the sideshow, he turns his attention back to the rising Knox, who ducks under a clothesline and wraps Vain into a waistlock, and he launches Vain into the hole with a German suplex!

Vinegar: Now Knox needs the shovel, but JC still has it!

Covert Jay: Tact telling JC to put the shovel down, but let’s be honest, nobody around here does that well.

Vinegar: Knox not bothering to try to get it, there’s a wheelbarrow full of dirt off to the side, he’s going for that instead!

Covert Jay: Tact positions himself between JC and Knox, and JC scoffs and drops the shovel.

Vinegar: Knox moving the wheelbarrow towards the hole, but Wallace emerges, climbing out of it.

Lieberjosch: Knox lets go of the wheelbarrow and charges at Vain, but Vain knocks him down with a clothesline, and jumps on top of the dirt in the wheelbarrow!

Vinegar: Wallace turns as he steadies himself, Knox getting back to his feet!

Lieberjosch: MONEY MAKER!!!

Vinegar: Wallace connects with the Money Maker, and both he and Knox tumble into the hole!

Lieberjosch: JC goes to the wheelbarrow, he’s trying to move it, having some trouble due to the brace!

Covert Jay: And Tact is having none of this!

Vinegar: Glenn Burke pleading with Larry Tact not to get physical with the injured JC, not sure Tact even has any intention on doing so.

Lieberjosch: Vain’s crawling back out of the hole.

Covert Jay: But he’s stuck! Knox has him by the leg!!!

Vinegar: Knox yanks Wallace back into the hole, they’re out of our view for a moment, but now it’s Knox climbing out!

Lieberjosch: Matt Knox is out of the hole, and he picks up the shovel as Vain is trying again to climb out.

Vinegar: Knox swings the shovel at Wallace, who ducks back into the hole, but the swing continues and connects with Tact!

Covert Jay: Larry Tact was standing close enough that Knox accidentally hit him in the back with his follow through!

Lieberjosch: And JC finally gets the wheelbarrow moving, and rams it right into Knox!

Vinegar: Knox crumples to the ground, and he tumbles into the hole as Wallace climbs out past him!

Lieberjosch: JC moves out of the way as Vain grabs the wheelbarrow and tilts it up, dumping the dirt into the hole!

Vinegar: Knox is nearly covered, and Wallace picks up the shovel, scoops some dirt, and finishes it off!

Mitchell Dennis: Here is your winner, and STILL the World Heavyweight Champion, ALLLANNN WALLLLAACCCCEEEEEE!!!!

Covert Jay: Vain retains the title!

Vinegar: But it’s due in large part to the assistance of JC!

Lieberjosch: Don’t be ridiculous, it’s because Knox turned on the man who was there to support him!

Vinegar: I don’t believe for a second that Knox hit Tact on purpose.

Covert Jay: It doesn’t matter how or why any of it happened, it just matters that it did.

Vinegar: Wallace having his arm raised, JC watching from a few feet away, but Larry Tact is back on his feet, and he’s got the World Title!

Covert Jay: Larry Tact is two weeks away from his fifth and final Conquest Title defense, which means he’s potentially only three weeks away from a World Title match of his own!

Vinegar: Wallace and Tact staring at each other, Vain wants his title.

Lieberjosch: STEEL!!!!

Vinegar: Where did he come from!?

Lieberjosch: Trent Steel is back, and he just blindsided Larry Tact, now Steel has the World Title belt!

Vinegar: Steel stands toe to toe with Wallace, staring him in the face with Wallace’s title in his hands, and Steel callously drops the title at his feet, with a sneer on his face!

Lieberjosch: It’s the disrespect we’ve come to expect as of late from Trent Steel, and after everything that’s happened these past few weeks, things might be more volatile than ever!

Vinegar: We’ll see you in two weeks!

[UGWC Staff]

Credits

Tempest Match
Brandon

Ladder Match
Ad

Faraday Cage
Brandon

Table Match
Steve

Scaffold Match
Ad

Cupric, Ferric, Plumbic
Trent

Buried Alive
Steve