Post by Zane on Apr 19, 2024 23:34:14 GMT -5
“The John Woo-m.”
Zame looks dubiously at the sign, then to Larry, who’s standing beside him grinning.
“It’s a John Woo-styled escape challenge. The idea is like a normal escape room, except John Woo style.”
“So we’ll be getting shot at. A lot.”
“Yup! Nerf guns! If you get shot, you’re out!”
“Try not to get Woon-ded.”
Larry sighs loudly. “Ugh.”
“Ok. Let’s go. This could be...”
“EEEEEVILLL!!!”
“Upper left,” Zane yells, dodging a foam dart.
Larry looks up and trips over his own feet, faceplanting onto the floor as a dart whizzes by his head.
“You ok?”
“Yeah.”
Someone roars, then flies out into the room, letting loose a Nurfpocalypse. He takes out the shooter Zane pointed at, as well as a second, then stumble-runs straight into the wall with a loud thud.
“So much for Destroyerbo,” Zane quips.
“Mah ciznus ain’t ezzactly Chizow Yizug Fiznat.”
“Or a ‘Replacement Killer,” Zane answers, barely ducking as one flies past his head.
“Fo sho,” His Dankness answers, letting loose with a barrage of his own. “Yo fiznacing da mizain repliznacemizent dis week!”
Zane laughs and shoots a generic villain (not that one) off the landing and through the adjacent door.
“That’s the Piercing Truth,” Larry yells, running by and down the stairs.
“HA,” His Dankness laughs.
Another salvo of Nerf destruction chases them into a door. As soon as they’re in darts bounce off of the frame. His Dankness spins around to fire when there’s a thud above them.
Zane looks up and over his shoulder. “What the…”
The floor gives way and a black-clad form falls through, firing darts everywhere before he crashes into the floor.
“I don’t believe it,” Zane says, dumbfounded. “Unbelievably, your idiot cousin got all of the guys behind us!”
“Thizen we shizould kizzeep gizoin!”
The two charge down the stairs, guns ablazing at anything that moves. They make it to the next floor and go back to back.
“Tizoo mizore fliznores to gizmo!”
His Dankness is promptly peppered by foam bullets. He looks down at his chest and then to Zane.
“Siznorry, Big Homie, but yo Danktitude be dunzo.”
“Fo sho.”
His Dankness smiles widely and slumps down next to the wall. Zane looks around, ducking as a shot goes whizzing over his head. He turns and shoots back down the hall, taking down two more guys. One of them between the eyes.
“Fo sho thizat trizuth hizhurt,” His Dankness quips, smiling.
Larry suddenly pops up, seemingly out of nowhere.
“Hi!”
Zane jumps, nearly taking a shot in the groin in the process.
“GAH,” Zane yells. “Don’t DO that!! How do you just...materialize? I need to hang a bell around your neck or something!”
“Mad skills,” Larry replies. “I’m the world’s nerdiest ninja!”
The two light up another underpaid moving target.
“You almost took a piercing blow to the nuts,” Larry exclaims gleefully.
“That joke is about as tired as Pierce’s constant schemes to return to the top. Or his show.”
Larry giggles. “That’s the breakdown of things!”
Zane pauses, giving Larry a look. “What’s gotten into you?”
“I’m giving you iconic entertainment!”
Zane rolls his eyes. “If this continues, I’m going to ask someone to shoot me. Interestingly enough, I often feel that way when Pierce talks. Funny coincidence, that.”
The two move through another floor, stopping to dive for cover to escape another minion assault.
“Banana,” Larry yells.
Zane stares at him blandly. “Wrong director, Larry.”
Larry pokes his head out from cover, then ducks back as a line of sticky darts dances up the wall.
“I’ll cover you while you run for the exit!”
“Larry...”
“See you in Valhalla!”
Larry pops up and blitzes down the hall, letting loose his version of a defiant war cry.
“TIME FOR YOU ALL TO SIGN OFF,” he bellows, then charges down an adjacent hall to a chorus of loud clicks and pops.
Zane watches him fall to a hail of foam. He leaps from behind his hiding spot and darts down the stairs, downing two more groups of would-be assassins. He gets to the escape door when he’s suddenly shot in the side of the head.
“HA,” someone cries loudly. “THE DARK DESTROYER HAS WON!”
Zane stares at him incredulously. “MORON! We’re on the SAME TEAM!!”
Dark Destroyer smiles at him. “YOU KNOW MY NAME!!!”
“I already KNEW your name,” Zane growls crossly. “I wish to fucking God I didn’t.”
“The Dark Destroyer does not know why you are angry,” he argues. “He has helped you get ready to face Hapless Crease!!”
“You helped?” Zane answers tersely. “You ran in, got lost, fell through the floor, got lucky shooting a few minions, then disappeared!”
Zane pauses, shrugging. “In fairness, that disappearing wasn’t a bad thing.”
“The Dark Destroyer has shown you how to beat your enemy!”
“I swear to whoever it is that you ramble about, that between Pierce this week, Donovan last week, and other ‘oldies’, it’s starting to feel like rerun season. Yet again I’ll get regaled by one of Pierce’s predictable monologs. I don’t need your help dealing with those, or how to beat him.”
“We’re two of the most accomplished men in this company. I’m the greater World and Cross-Hemisphere Champion, and he’s the greater CoOperative Champion and Conquest Champion. We have one of the most intertwined histories in this company. We detest each other and probably always will. I’ve beaten him and he’s beaten me. I will beat him this week and begin my march back to the Cross-Hemisphere Championship.”
“Period.”
The Destroyer grins, weirdly.
“Then the Dark Destroyer has one answer for you!”
“What?”
Destroyer raises his Nerf.
“DAMN IT,” Zane bellows. “You shot me in the ear!!”
“EVIL!!!”
End.
Zame looks dubiously at the sign, then to Larry, who’s standing beside him grinning.
“It’s a John Woo-styled escape challenge. The idea is like a normal escape room, except John Woo style.”
“So we’ll be getting shot at. A lot.”
“Yup! Nerf guns! If you get shot, you’re out!”
“Try not to get Woon-ded.”
Larry sighs loudly. “Ugh.”
“Ok. Let’s go. This could be...”
“EEEEEVILLL!!!”
“Upper left,” Zane yells, dodging a foam dart.
Larry looks up and trips over his own feet, faceplanting onto the floor as a dart whizzes by his head.
“You ok?”
“Yeah.”
Someone roars, then flies out into the room, letting loose a Nurfpocalypse. He takes out the shooter Zane pointed at, as well as a second, then stumble-runs straight into the wall with a loud thud.
“So much for Destroyerbo,” Zane quips.
“Mah ciznus ain’t ezzactly Chizow Yizug Fiznat.”
“Or a ‘Replacement Killer,” Zane answers, barely ducking as one flies past his head.
“Fo sho,” His Dankness answers, letting loose with a barrage of his own. “Yo fiznacing da mizain repliznacemizent dis week!”
Zane laughs and shoots a generic villain (not that one) off the landing and through the adjacent door.
“That’s the Piercing Truth,” Larry yells, running by and down the stairs.
“HA,” His Dankness laughs.
Another salvo of Nerf destruction chases them into a door. As soon as they’re in darts bounce off of the frame. His Dankness spins around to fire when there’s a thud above them.
Zane looks up and over his shoulder. “What the…”
The floor gives way and a black-clad form falls through, firing darts everywhere before he crashes into the floor.
“I don’t believe it,” Zane says, dumbfounded. “Unbelievably, your idiot cousin got all of the guys behind us!”
“Thizen we shizould kizzeep gizoin!”
The two charge down the stairs, guns ablazing at anything that moves. They make it to the next floor and go back to back.
“Tizoo mizore fliznores to gizmo!”
His Dankness is promptly peppered by foam bullets. He looks down at his chest and then to Zane.
“Siznorry, Big Homie, but yo Danktitude be dunzo.”
“Fo sho.”
His Dankness smiles widely and slumps down next to the wall. Zane looks around, ducking as a shot goes whizzing over his head. He turns and shoots back down the hall, taking down two more guys. One of them between the eyes.
“Fo sho thizat trizuth hizhurt,” His Dankness quips, smiling.
Larry suddenly pops up, seemingly out of nowhere.
“Hi!”
Zane jumps, nearly taking a shot in the groin in the process.
“GAH,” Zane yells. “Don’t DO that!! How do you just...materialize? I need to hang a bell around your neck or something!”
“Mad skills,” Larry replies. “I’m the world’s nerdiest ninja!”
The two light up another underpaid moving target.
“You almost took a piercing blow to the nuts,” Larry exclaims gleefully.
“That joke is about as tired as Pierce’s constant schemes to return to the top. Or his show.”
Larry giggles. “That’s the breakdown of things!”
Zane pauses, giving Larry a look. “What’s gotten into you?”
“I’m giving you iconic entertainment!”
Zane rolls his eyes. “If this continues, I’m going to ask someone to shoot me. Interestingly enough, I often feel that way when Pierce talks. Funny coincidence, that.”
The two move through another floor, stopping to dive for cover to escape another minion assault.
“Banana,” Larry yells.
Zane stares at him blandly. “Wrong director, Larry.”
Larry pokes his head out from cover, then ducks back as a line of sticky darts dances up the wall.
“I’ll cover you while you run for the exit!”
“Larry...”
“See you in Valhalla!”
Larry pops up and blitzes down the hall, letting loose his version of a defiant war cry.
“TIME FOR YOU ALL TO SIGN OFF,” he bellows, then charges down an adjacent hall to a chorus of loud clicks and pops.
Zane watches him fall to a hail of foam. He leaps from behind his hiding spot and darts down the stairs, downing two more groups of would-be assassins. He gets to the escape door when he’s suddenly shot in the side of the head.
“HA,” someone cries loudly. “THE DARK DESTROYER HAS WON!”
Zane stares at him incredulously. “MORON! We’re on the SAME TEAM!!”
Dark Destroyer smiles at him. “YOU KNOW MY NAME!!!”
“I already KNEW your name,” Zane growls crossly. “I wish to fucking God I didn’t.”
“The Dark Destroyer does not know why you are angry,” he argues. “He has helped you get ready to face Hapless Crease!!”
“You helped?” Zane answers tersely. “You ran in, got lost, fell through the floor, got lucky shooting a few minions, then disappeared!”
Zane pauses, shrugging. “In fairness, that disappearing wasn’t a bad thing.”
“The Dark Destroyer has shown you how to beat your enemy!”
“I swear to whoever it is that you ramble about, that between Pierce this week, Donovan last week, and other ‘oldies’, it’s starting to feel like rerun season. Yet again I’ll get regaled by one of Pierce’s predictable monologs. I don’t need your help dealing with those, or how to beat him.”
“We’re two of the most accomplished men in this company. I’m the greater World and Cross-Hemisphere Champion, and he’s the greater CoOperative Champion and Conquest Champion. We have one of the most intertwined histories in this company. We detest each other and probably always will. I’ve beaten him and he’s beaten me. I will beat him this week and begin my march back to the Cross-Hemisphere Championship.”
“Period.”
The Destroyer grins, weirdly.
“Then the Dark Destroyer has one answer for you!”
“What?”
Destroyer raises his Nerf.
“DAMN IT,” Zane bellows. “You shot me in the ear!!”
“EVIL!!!”
End.
2013, '18, '23 
2013 