Post by Mr.Ego on Apr 20, 2024 21:30:34 GMT -5
Saturday, April 13, 2023 - New Orleans, Louisiana
The two men stand uncomfortably in the kitchen, Chaos over by the sink, and Alan next to the small kitchen table that sits in front of the window.
Alan: So tell me Chadwick, does Ms. Burke advise you to 'be nice' to all your guests, or am I just special?
"Watch it smartass," Chaos says as he turns towards the refrigerator and opens the door. "You can walk out the front door just as fuckin' easily as you walked in it."
Alan offers up a slight smile.
Alan: So I'm special then? That's good to know.
Chaos offers up a low growl as a response, before reaching into the fridge and pulling out a Chadweiser. Twisting the top off and tossing it into the sink, he then walks over and places the bottle down on the table across from where Alan is seated. Alan smirks over at him as he takes a seat.
Alan: Why yes, Mr. Anthony, I would quite enjoy something to drink as well.
"Eat a dick, douche," comes the response from Chaos, as he takes a large gulp from his bottle.
Alan: I imagine Ms. Burke would be quite perturbed by your hosting abilities, Chadwick. Maybe we should call her in and find out?
"You really are a dick," Chaos replies, as he leans forward in his seat. "The fuck you want, Wallace."
Alan: I thought you'd never ask, Chadwick. Be a good man and fetch me a VEEN, perfectly chilled to forty-three degrees, of course.
Chaos just sits there, glaring over at the unwelcome visitor. After a few moments, Alan sighs loudly as he begins to shake his head from side to side.
Alan: I'd like a water, you ignoramus.
"Why didn't you just fuckin' say so," Chaos spits, as he rises from his seat and walks over to the cabinets. "Instead of bein' a twat all the damn time."
Chaos opens a cabinet door and pulls out a large plastic cup, before then walking over and turning on the kitchen sink faucet. He fills up the cup, turns the water off, and then makes his way back over to the table where he slams it down and slides it over towards his guest. Horrified and disgusted, Alan looks at it for a moment, before pushing it away from him.
Alan: Tap water? You can't be serious, Chadwick. Do I look like a Neanderthal?
"Nah, you look like a dick," Chaos says. "Then again, you always look like a dick, so I guess it's nothing new."
Alan: As sophisticated as always, Chadwick.
"The fuck do you want, Wallace?"
Alan sits in silence for a few seconds, staring down at the table. He finally looks back up.
Alan: I need to know how you do it, Chadwick.
"How do I do what, dumbfuck," responds 'The Drunken Buzzsaw’ before he takes another drink.
Alan: How do you be a good parent?
Chaos looks over at him, shocked by the compliment. Alan notices the look Chaos has on his face.
Alan: Don't be so surprised, Chadwick. Personally, I may think that you're little more than a drunken buffoon and a surly ex-convict who contributes next to nothing to society… but I have seen you with your daughter. I have heard how you speak about her. I have seen the genuine love that you have for her. It may be your only redeemable quality.
Chaos begins to chuckle as he grabs his bottle and takes another drink.
"Anyone ever told you,” He begins, as he places his bottle back down on the table, "that your compliments are shit?"
Alan: Shit, no. Backhanded, multiple times.
"Uh-huh."
Alan: Seriously though, Chadwick, I feel as if I'm barely treading water. I'm getting zero sleep; Presley never stops crying when I'm holding her; and our hired help has been anything but helpful. The only free time I seem to have is when I'm working, and when I'm home I can't seem to do anything right in Celeste's eyes. Honestly… I feel like I'm close to losing it completely.
"Welcome to parenthood," comes the reply after a few moments of silence. "The shit ain't easy, Wallace. And if you thought it would be going in, you're even dumber than I thought."
Alan: Gee, thanks.
Chaos rises from his seat and makes his way back over to the fridge, where he grabs another Chadweiser. He hesitates before shutting the door, then reaches in and grabs a bottle of Deer Park water. Closing the door to the refrigerator, he walks back over to the table, placing the water bottle down in from of Vain, before heading back over and re-taking his seat.
"It's ain't VEEN," he says, as he twists off the top". "But it ain't tap water."
Alan smiles as he reaches out and takes the bottle, opening it.
Alan: It's much appreciated, Chadwick.
The two men take drinks from their respective beverages, before Chaos leans forward and places his arms on the table, interlocking his hands together.
"Look Wallace," he says, as Alan looks up at him. "Nobody magically knows what the fuck to do when they have kids. Sure, people have a general understanding of what it takes when kids are born. You gotta feed 'em, change 'em, bathe 'em, and put up with a lot of fuckin' cryin' at the beginning. Everything else, you just fuckin' try to figure it out as you go. Biggest tip I can give ya, though?"
Alan: Yeah?
"Gotta put the kid first, Wallace," he says as he leans back in his seat. "Over everything and everyone. Including yourself."
Alan continues looking across the table at Chaos but says nothing.
"To this point in your life," he begins again, "your biggest concern has always been your-fuckin-self. But kids? They're bigger than you, Wallace. Sooner you realize that and start actin' accordingly, the better. For you… for Candi… and for the baby."
Chaos rises to his feet, walking back over to the refrigerator and opening it. Maneuvering a few bottles out of the way, he reaches into the back of the fridge and pulls out a small Mason™ jar. Closing the door, he turns and makes his way back over to Alan, placing the jar down on the table.
"As for the sleep issues," he begins, as he turns and heads back to his seat, "take a sip or two of that at night, and you'll sleep like a baby. I use it when my insomnia kicks in."
Alan eyes it suspiciously.
Alan: This isn't something you made in your own personal still, is it?
"Fuck, I wish," Chaos blurts out, beginning to laugh. "Nah, it's just a home remedy that Xandy concocted a few years ago. Fuckin' works wonders."
Alan: Thank you, Chadwick. It is very much appreciated.
"No problem," Chaos responds. "Now get the fuck out. I've got shit to do."
Alan chuckles himself, before rising to his feet. Grabbing the bottle of Deer Park and the Mason™ jar provided to him by Chaos, he offers up a slight nod, and then heads out of the kitchen, the sound of the front screen door shutting behind him a few moments later. Through the second doorway, the one that leads from the kitchen to the family area, Xandy appears. Walking over she takes a seat on Chaos' lap, a look that is a mixture of confusion and concern on her face.
"I overheard the end of that exchange, Chad," she says, as he looks up at her. "I've never developed a home remedy for anything to help you sleep."
"Yeah, I know," he replies, tapping and then rubbing her leg.
"Then… what did you just give him?"
"Well, you remember when me, Ichy, and that French broad fought for the legacy of the Chaos division, or what-the-fuck-ever?"
"Yeah," she replies with a bit of trepidation.
"Remember the Malort I got for the occasion," he asks, a wide smile forming on his face.
"Chad Alan Anthony," she begins, using his full name for emphasis. "What in the hell did you do?"
He says nothing, choosing to instead begin laughing his ass off. Xandy sighs as she rises to her feet and pulls her cellphone out of her back pocket.
"I guess I need to warn Candi."
====================
The two warriors battled for nearly an hour, both now moving solely out of instinct. The moves are slower, and the punches have hardly any strength behind them. The tens of thousands in attendance here in Chicago are doing everything they can to will these two men to a finish, and both men do everything in their power to oblige. Vain begins to get the upper hand, connecting with a boot to the stomach that doubles Tact over. He bounds off the ropes and connects with a Fameasser, the force so great that after eating the mat, Tact is already back up to his feet, albeit much wobblier than before.
The crowd all rise to their feet in unison after Vain connects with a Curtain Call, and they all gasp as he steps through the ropes and begins climbing. Perched upon the top rope, he waits as Tact slowly makes his way to his feet. Once to a vertical base, Tact stumbles around, and Vain takes flight, looking for his patented Money Maker. Unbelievably, Larry Tact catches Vain in mid-air, before driving him into the mat with the Tactilizer. Glenn Burke gets into position and makes the three-count, and the city of Chicago celebrates their new UGWC World Heavyweight Champion.
As Burke raises the arm of Larry Tact and the confetti begins to fall from the stadium, 'Vain' Alan Wallace slides under the bottom rope and dejectedly begins making his way up the ramp. Pushing his way through the curtain and entering the gorilla position, he is greeted by his advocate and friend, Simon Wellington.
Alan: Tell me that didn't just happen, Simon.
Simon: I'm afraid that it did, Alan. There is no shame in your loss here tonight though. Larry Tact is a great performer, and I am certain he will make for a spectacular champion.
Alan looks up at him, sadness in his eyes.
Alan: It wasn't supposed to end, Simon. Not now. Not here.
There is a sadness in his eyes that we aren't used to seeing, and we can't be sure if it is perspiration on his face, or if a tear has begun trickling down his cheek. He lowers his head and slowly begins heading down the hall towards the locker room area. His voice can be heard as he walks away.
Alan: This is the worst night of my life. My dream has turned into a nightmare. This is a living Hell…
Simon wants to follow after his friend… wants to offer up words of encouragement… but he knows they will do no good. Alan must figure this out on his own. And hopefully he does, before it's too late.
The two warriors battled for nearly an hour, both now moving solely out of instinct. The moves are slower, and the punches have hardly any strength behind them. The tens of thousands in attendance here in Chicago are doing everything they can to will these two men to a finish, and both men do everything in their power to oblige. Vain begins to get the upper hand, applying a front face lock before then planting Tact into the mat with a swinging neck breaker. He immediately pulls Tact back to his feet and moves in behind of him. Grabbing his arms and moving into position, he swivels his hips a few times, much to the delight of the female contingent in the crowd, before then driving Tact's face into the mat with the Cherry Popper.
Using the ropes to pull himself back to his feet, he notices that Tact is beginning to move. With a heavy sigh, he makes his way over to him and grabs him by the head to pull him to his feet. Tact surprises him with a quick roll-up, and Glenn Burke slides into position to make the three-count, and the city of Chicago celebrates their new UGWC World Heavyweight Champion.
As Burke raises the arm of Larry Tact, the cheers within UGWC Arena are deafening. 'Vain' Alan Wallace slides under the bottom rope and dejectedly begins making his way up the ramp. Pushing his way through the curtain and entering the gorilla position, he is greeted by his advocate and friend, Simon Wellington.
Alan: How in the fuck did that just happen, Simon? A small package?! Have I really fallen that far?!
Simon: I wouldn't believe it had I not seen it with my own eyes, Alan. Unfortunately, yes, it did happen. Keep your head held high though. Larry Tact is a great performer, and I am certain he will make for a spectacular champion.
Alan looks up at him, sadness in his eyes.
Alan: It wasn't supposed to end, Simon. Not tonight. Not on Synergy.
There is a sadness in his eyes that we aren't used to seeing, and we can't be sure if it is perspiration on his face, or if a tear has begun trickling down his cheek. He lowers his head and slowly begins heading down the hall towards the locker room area. His voice can be heard as he walks away.
Alan: This is the worst night of my life. My dream has turned into a nightmare. This is a living Hell…
Simon wants to follow after his friend… wants to offer up words of encouragement… but he knows they will do no good. Alan must figure this out on his own. And hopefully he does, before it's too late.
The two warriors battled for nearly an hour, both now moving solely out of instinct. The moves are slower, and the punches have hardly any strength behind them. The tens of thousands in attendance here in Chicago are doing everything they can to will these two men to a finish, and both men do everything in their power to oblige. Vain begins to get the upper hand, connecting with a DDT that gets a two-count, and then applying Vanity at its Finest that almost resulted in a tap-out, but Larry Tact somehow was able to make it to the bottom rope.
As Vain attempts to pull Tact back to his feet, Larry suddenly grasps ahold of Vain and lifts him into the air, slamming him to the mat with The Humbling. He immediately rolls Vain over onto his stomach and applies Larry's Throne, and after more than thirty agonizing seconds, Vain taps out. Glenn Burke is there to signal for the bell, and the city of Chicago celebrates their new UGWC World Heavyweight Champion.
As Burke raises the arm of Larry Tact, the fans erupt in thunderous applause. 'Vain' Alan Wallace slides under the bottom rope and limps his way up the ramp, holding the small of his back. Pushing his way through the curtain and entering the gorilla position, he is greeted by his advocate and friend, Simon Wellington.
Alan: How the mighty have fallen, Simon. I just committed the cardinal sin within professional wrestling. I quit during a match.
Simon: It has happened to everyone, Alan. There is no shame in it. Larry Tact is a great performer, and I am certain he will make for a spectacular champion.
Alan looks up at him, sadness in his eyes.
Alan: It wasn't supposed to end, Simon. Not in that manner.
There is a sadness in his eyes that we aren't used to seeing, and we can't be sure if it is perspiration on his face, or if a tear has begun trickling down his cheek. He lowers his head and slowly begins heading down the hall towards the locker room area. His voice can be heard as he walks away.
Alan: This is the worst night of my life. My dream has turned into a nightmare. This is a living Hell…
Simon wants to follow after his friend… wants to offer up words of encouragement… but he knows they will do no good. Alan must figure this out on his own. And hopefully he does, before it's too late.
The two warriors battled for nearly an hour, both now moving solely out of instinct. Vain gains the upper hand by connecting with a jumping piledriver and ascends to the top rope. He waits for Tact to get back to his feet as he calls for the Money Maker, when Err Bear appears at the top of the stage. The lights begin to flicker, the spotlights in the arena going haywire. Shrieks are heard from unseen people.
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86
As the lights go back to normal, Vain is flat on his back in the center of the ring, and Glenn Burke is raising the arm of Larry Tact. 'Vain' Alan Wallace slides under the bottom rope and, in certain disbelief, begins making his way up the ramp. Pushing his way through the curtain and entering the gorilla position, he is greeted by his advocate and friend, Simon Wellington.
Alan: I don't even know what to say, Simon. That fucking bear!
Simon: There is no shame in it. Larry Tact is a great performer, and I am certain he will make for a spectacular champion.
Alan looks up at him, sadness in his eyes.
Alan: It wasn't supposed to end, Simon. Not because of that big brown bitch!
There is a sadness in his eyes that we aren't used to seeing, and we can't be sure if it is perspiration on his face, or if a tear has begun trickling down his cheek. He lowers his head and slowly begins heading down the hall towards the locker room area. His voice can be heard as he walks away.
Alan: This is the worst night of my life. My dream has turned into a nightmare. This is a living Hell…
Simon wants to follow after his friend… wants to offer up words of encouragement… but he knows they will do no good. Alan must figure this out on his own. And hopefully he does, before it's too late.
The two warriors battled for nearly an hour, both now moving solely out of instinct. Vain gets the upper hand after a series of rolling German Suplexes. He then climbs to the top rope, but instead of jumping off with a Money Maker, decides now is the best time to perfect his Dark Destroyer impersonation. He slips on the ropes, falls forwards into the ring, and lands on his head. Tact makes the cover, and Glenn Burke is there to make the count, as the city of Chicago celebrates their new UGWC World Heavyweight Champion.
As Burke raises the arm of Larry Tact, 'Vain' Alan Wallace slides under the bottom rope and sheepishly makes his way up the ramp. Pushing his way through the curtain and entering the gorilla position, he is greeted by his advocate and friend, Simon Wellington.
Alan: What. The. FUCK?!
Simon: That was my first thought.
Alan: Maybe it's time I call it quits. To lose like that?! That's fucking embarrassing!
Simon: There is no shame in it. Larry Tact is a great performer, and I am certain he will make for a spectacular champion.
Alan looks up at him, sadness in his eyes.
Alan: It wasn't supposed to end, Simon. And never like that!
There is a sadness in his eyes that we aren't used to seeing, and we can't be sure if it is perspiration on his face, or if a tear has begun trickling down his cheek. He lowers his head and slowly begins heading down the hall towards the locker room area. His voice can be heard as he walks away.
Alan: This is the worst night of my life. My dream has turned into a nightmare. This is a living Hell…
Simon wants to follow after his friend… wants to offer up words of encouragement… but he knows they will do no good. Alan must figure this out on his own. And hopefully he does, before it's too…
Simon: Wait, wait, wait… STOP!
As soon as he utters the words, everyone else in the area disappears. The once sprawling backstage area morphs into a scene of gray desolation, with screams echoing throughout the entirety of the landscape, and ash falling from the sky. Alan slowly turns back towards his friend, his face a mixture of confusion and fear.
Alan: Si… Simon?
Simon, too, has slowly begun to morph. His once blonde hair is now a deep black, and his clean-shaven face now sports a days' old beard. Gone is the sullen look that everyone is used to when they see him, instead replaced with a sinister grin.
'Simon': Why hello there, my dear Alan.
Alan begins walking towards him, more than a bit of trepidation as he slowly makes his way forward.
Alan: Si.. Simon… wh… what happened to your face. And… and why… why do you… suddenly sound as if you just came over from Britain?
'Simon': Wales, actually. Well, at least the 'suit', anyhow. Do you like? I believe it's quite dandy if I must say.
Alan: What… what is happening right now?
'Simon': Well my dear Alan, I just couldn't stand to see you suffer this torment any longer. I mean, it's been over two-hundred seventy-three years. Day in and day out, we have gone through this process. And day in and day out, the result is always the same. You sullenly sulking off to your locker room area, only to repeat the process all over again.
Alan's eyes go wide, and he takes a step backwards.
Alan: What are you talking about? Where am I?
'Simon': I have watched you lose in every way imaginable, with every sort of interference imaginable. I have watched as you have questioned your abilities, questioned your choices, and questioned your very existence. And one-hundred-thousand days is quite enough. Even I don't believe in that amount of torture.
Alan's lower lip begins to tremble, and he takes a few more steps backwards.
Alan: Wh… what is this?
In the blink of an eye, 'Simon' is directly in front of Alan, his hands resting on Alan's shoulders.
'Simon': Why, it's your Hell loop, Alan!
In a full out panic, Alan attempts to move away from the man he thought was his friend and advocate, but the grip on his shoulders is too tight. This 'Simon' is much too strong. A look of realization then begins to form on the face of Alan Wallace.
Alan: Then that means…
'Simon': That you're in Hell? Of course you're in Hell!
Alan: NO! No, no, no, no, no… I can't be in Hell! Celeste! Presley! WHY?!
'Simon' leans forward, the handsome face with the black hair morphing into the red face and eyes of the devil himself. Alan attempts to scream, but his fear won't allow it.
'Simon': Only you know the answer to that question, Alan. Only you have the power to release yourself from this cycle.
Alan begins clutching at his chest and hyperventilating, at first much to the enjoyment of 'Simon'. His red face - his real face - disappearing once more and being replaced with the dapperness of a Welshman named Tom, 'Simon' soon can't help but feel pity for the poor, trapped soul that stands in front of him.
'Simon': Come now.
In an instant, the two men are seated at a beautifully handcrafted bar, a glass containing a bit of Lucifer's Gold in front of each of them.
'Simon': Look Alan… most humans are unaware, but it is your own guilt that traps you here for eternity. Once you have managed to face said guilt head-on, you shall be tormented no more.
Alan: What guilt?
'Simon': Only you know the answer to that, Alan.
Alan: But I don't have anything to feel guilty about! The only thing that I ever felt guilty over was what I did to Celeste all those years ago, but I have let that go, and she and I are happier than ever. Or, were happier than ever, I suppose.
'Simon' begins to grow somewhat aggravated with this whole affair.
'Simon': Oh deary me, let's see if I can help speed this along a bit, shall we?
He leans forward and stares directly into the eyes of 'Vain' Alan Wallace.
'Simon': My dear Alan… what is it that you truly desire?
Alan stares back into his eyes for a moment, as if he has lost all train of thought. He finally, feebly, speaks.
Alan: I… I wish… I wish I would have never retired.
'Simon': Is that so?
The almost trance-like state that Alan had been in has all but dissolved, but he continues to speak freely.
Alan: Had I not retired when I did, the UGWC fans wouldn't have had to deal with lesser wrestlers masquerading as their champions. They wouldn't have had to cheer for the likes of people like Larry Tact, who obviously couldn't lace my boots on his best day. It's something that I don't know how I will ever forgive myself for.
'Simon': Well Alan, only you know the answer to that. Now… where is the detective?
In a flash he is gone, as is his glass of Lucifer's Gold.
The two warriors battled for nearly an hour, both now moving solely out of instinct. Vain gets the upper hand after connecting with first a Curtain Call, and then a Cherry Popper. Ascending to the top rope, he waits for Tact to get to his feet, before flying off and connecting with a Money Maker. Glenn Burke is there to make the count, and the city of Chicago celebrates their favorite UGWC World Heavyweight Champion.
Burke raises the arm of 'Vain' Alan Wallace, as confetti falls from the rafters.
~
Alan awakens with a jolt, a string of saliva stretching from his mouth to his pillow as he raises his head up. He immediately reaches for his head, closing his eyes as tightly as he can so that no light whatsoever can add to the pounding in his cranium. Across the room, seated in the rocking chair and feeding the baby, is Celeste Worth. She eyes him suspiciously.
Celeste: Bad dream, Alan?
He responds with a grunt, followed by a dry heave as he pushes himself up into a seated position. Celeste can do nothing but shake her head.
Celeste: Do me two favors in the future, Alan. One… never drink anything given to you by Chad Anthony. I don't care what he says it may be for.
Alan begins to nod his head, but grasps for it again in pain. Peeking out of one squinted eye, he looks over at his wife and daughter.
Alan: And the second?
Celeste: Stop binge-watching "Lucifer" on Netflix. Because if I have to endure one more night of hearing the names "Detective" and "Maze" while you sleep, I'm going to scream.
Alan collapses back into the bed, his feet hanging off.
Alan: Yes, dear.
====================
The two men stand uncomfortably in the kitchen, Chaos over by the sink, and Alan next to the small kitchen table that sits in front of the window.
Alan: So tell me Chadwick, does Ms. Burke advise you to 'be nice' to all your guests, or am I just special?
"Watch it smartass," Chaos says as he turns towards the refrigerator and opens the door. "You can walk out the front door just as fuckin' easily as you walked in it."
Alan offers up a slight smile.
Alan: So I'm special then? That's good to know.
Chaos offers up a low growl as a response, before reaching into the fridge and pulling out a Chadweiser. Twisting the top off and tossing it into the sink, he then walks over and places the bottle down on the table across from where Alan is seated. Alan smirks over at him as he takes a seat.
Alan: Why yes, Mr. Anthony, I would quite enjoy something to drink as well.
"Eat a dick, douche," comes the response from Chaos, as he takes a large gulp from his bottle.
Alan: I imagine Ms. Burke would be quite perturbed by your hosting abilities, Chadwick. Maybe we should call her in and find out?
"You really are a dick," Chaos replies, as he leans forward in his seat. "The fuck you want, Wallace."
Alan: I thought you'd never ask, Chadwick. Be a good man and fetch me a VEEN, perfectly chilled to forty-three degrees, of course.
Chaos just sits there, glaring over at the unwelcome visitor. After a few moments, Alan sighs loudly as he begins to shake his head from side to side.
Alan: I'd like a water, you ignoramus.
"Why didn't you just fuckin' say so," Chaos spits, as he rises from his seat and walks over to the cabinets. "Instead of bein' a twat all the damn time."
Chaos opens a cabinet door and pulls out a large plastic cup, before then walking over and turning on the kitchen sink faucet. He fills up the cup, turns the water off, and then makes his way back over to the table where he slams it down and slides it over towards his guest. Horrified and disgusted, Alan looks at it for a moment, before pushing it away from him.
Alan: Tap water? You can't be serious, Chadwick. Do I look like a Neanderthal?
"Nah, you look like a dick," Chaos says. "Then again, you always look like a dick, so I guess it's nothing new."
Alan: As sophisticated as always, Chadwick.
"The fuck do you want, Wallace?"
Alan sits in silence for a few seconds, staring down at the table. He finally looks back up.
Alan: I need to know how you do it, Chadwick.
"How do I do what, dumbfuck," responds 'The Drunken Buzzsaw’ before he takes another drink.
Alan: How do you be a good parent?
Chaos looks over at him, shocked by the compliment. Alan notices the look Chaos has on his face.
Alan: Don't be so surprised, Chadwick. Personally, I may think that you're little more than a drunken buffoon and a surly ex-convict who contributes next to nothing to society… but I have seen you with your daughter. I have heard how you speak about her. I have seen the genuine love that you have for her. It may be your only redeemable quality.
Chaos begins to chuckle as he grabs his bottle and takes another drink.
"Anyone ever told you,” He begins, as he places his bottle back down on the table, "that your compliments are shit?"
Alan: Shit, no. Backhanded, multiple times.
"Uh-huh."
Alan: Seriously though, Chadwick, I feel as if I'm barely treading water. I'm getting zero sleep; Presley never stops crying when I'm holding her; and our hired help has been anything but helpful. The only free time I seem to have is when I'm working, and when I'm home I can't seem to do anything right in Celeste's eyes. Honestly… I feel like I'm close to losing it completely.
"Welcome to parenthood," comes the reply after a few moments of silence. "The shit ain't easy, Wallace. And if you thought it would be going in, you're even dumber than I thought."
Alan: Gee, thanks.
Chaos rises from his seat and makes his way back over to the fridge, where he grabs another Chadweiser. He hesitates before shutting the door, then reaches in and grabs a bottle of Deer Park water. Closing the door to the refrigerator, he walks back over to the table, placing the water bottle down in from of Vain, before heading back over and re-taking his seat.
"It's ain't VEEN," he says, as he twists off the top". "But it ain't tap water."
Alan smiles as he reaches out and takes the bottle, opening it.
Alan: It's much appreciated, Chadwick.
The two men take drinks from their respective beverages, before Chaos leans forward and places his arms on the table, interlocking his hands together.
"Look Wallace," he says, as Alan looks up at him. "Nobody magically knows what the fuck to do when they have kids. Sure, people have a general understanding of what it takes when kids are born. You gotta feed 'em, change 'em, bathe 'em, and put up with a lot of fuckin' cryin' at the beginning. Everything else, you just fuckin' try to figure it out as you go. Biggest tip I can give ya, though?"
Alan: Yeah?
"Gotta put the kid first, Wallace," he says as he leans back in his seat. "Over everything and everyone. Including yourself."
Alan continues looking across the table at Chaos but says nothing.
"To this point in your life," he begins again, "your biggest concern has always been your-fuckin-self. But kids? They're bigger than you, Wallace. Sooner you realize that and start actin' accordingly, the better. For you… for Candi… and for the baby."
Chaos rises to his feet, walking back over to the refrigerator and opening it. Maneuvering a few bottles out of the way, he reaches into the back of the fridge and pulls out a small Mason™ jar. Closing the door, he turns and makes his way back over to Alan, placing the jar down on the table.
"As for the sleep issues," he begins, as he turns and heads back to his seat, "take a sip or two of that at night, and you'll sleep like a baby. I use it when my insomnia kicks in."
Alan eyes it suspiciously.
Alan: This isn't something you made in your own personal still, is it?
"Fuck, I wish," Chaos blurts out, beginning to laugh. "Nah, it's just a home remedy that Xandy concocted a few years ago. Fuckin' works wonders."
Alan: Thank you, Chadwick. It is very much appreciated.
"No problem," Chaos responds. "Now get the fuck out. I've got shit to do."
Alan chuckles himself, before rising to his feet. Grabbing the bottle of Deer Park and the Mason™ jar provided to him by Chaos, he offers up a slight nod, and then heads out of the kitchen, the sound of the front screen door shutting behind him a few moments later. Through the second doorway, the one that leads from the kitchen to the family area, Xandy appears. Walking over she takes a seat on Chaos' lap, a look that is a mixture of confusion and concern on her face.
"I overheard the end of that exchange, Chad," she says, as he looks up at her. "I've never developed a home remedy for anything to help you sleep."
"Yeah, I know," he replies, tapping and then rubbing her leg.
"Then… what did you just give him?"
"Well, you remember when me, Ichy, and that French broad fought for the legacy of the Chaos division, or what-the-fuck-ever?"
"Yeah," she replies with a bit of trepidation.
"Remember the Malort I got for the occasion," he asks, a wide smile forming on his face.
"Chad Alan Anthony," she begins, using his full name for emphasis. "What in the hell did you do?"
He says nothing, choosing to instead begin laughing his ass off. Xandy sighs as she rises to her feet and pulls her cellphone out of her back pocket.
"I guess I need to warn Candi."
====================
Day One
The two warriors battled for nearly an hour, both now moving solely out of instinct. The moves are slower, and the punches have hardly any strength behind them. The tens of thousands in attendance here in Chicago are doing everything they can to will these two men to a finish, and both men do everything in their power to oblige. Vain begins to get the upper hand, connecting with a boot to the stomach that doubles Tact over. He bounds off the ropes and connects with a Fameasser, the force so great that after eating the mat, Tact is already back up to his feet, albeit much wobblier than before.
The crowd all rise to their feet in unison after Vain connects with a Curtain Call, and they all gasp as he steps through the ropes and begins climbing. Perched upon the top rope, he waits as Tact slowly makes his way to his feet. Once to a vertical base, Tact stumbles around, and Vain takes flight, looking for his patented Money Maker. Unbelievably, Larry Tact catches Vain in mid-air, before driving him into the mat with the Tactilizer. Glenn Burke gets into position and makes the three-count, and the city of Chicago celebrates their new UGWC World Heavyweight Champion.
As Burke raises the arm of Larry Tact and the confetti begins to fall from the stadium, 'Vain' Alan Wallace slides under the bottom rope and dejectedly begins making his way up the ramp. Pushing his way through the curtain and entering the gorilla position, he is greeted by his advocate and friend, Simon Wellington.
Alan: Tell me that didn't just happen, Simon.
Simon: I'm afraid that it did, Alan. There is no shame in your loss here tonight though. Larry Tact is a great performer, and I am certain he will make for a spectacular champion.
Alan looks up at him, sadness in his eyes.
Alan: It wasn't supposed to end, Simon. Not now. Not here.
There is a sadness in his eyes that we aren't used to seeing, and we can't be sure if it is perspiration on his face, or if a tear has begun trickling down his cheek. He lowers his head and slowly begins heading down the hall towards the locker room area. His voice can be heard as he walks away.
Alan: This is the worst night of my life. My dream has turned into a nightmare. This is a living Hell…
Simon wants to follow after his friend… wants to offer up words of encouragement… but he knows they will do no good. Alan must figure this out on his own. And hopefully he does, before it's too late.
Day 100
The two warriors battled for nearly an hour, both now moving solely out of instinct. The moves are slower, and the punches have hardly any strength behind them. The tens of thousands in attendance here in Chicago are doing everything they can to will these two men to a finish, and both men do everything in their power to oblige. Vain begins to get the upper hand, applying a front face lock before then planting Tact into the mat with a swinging neck breaker. He immediately pulls Tact back to his feet and moves in behind of him. Grabbing his arms and moving into position, he swivels his hips a few times, much to the delight of the female contingent in the crowd, before then driving Tact's face into the mat with the Cherry Popper.
Using the ropes to pull himself back to his feet, he notices that Tact is beginning to move. With a heavy sigh, he makes his way over to him and grabs him by the head to pull him to his feet. Tact surprises him with a quick roll-up, and Glenn Burke slides into position to make the three-count, and the city of Chicago celebrates their new UGWC World Heavyweight Champion.
As Burke raises the arm of Larry Tact, the cheers within UGWC Arena are deafening. 'Vain' Alan Wallace slides under the bottom rope and dejectedly begins making his way up the ramp. Pushing his way through the curtain and entering the gorilla position, he is greeted by his advocate and friend, Simon Wellington.
Alan: How in the fuck did that just happen, Simon? A small package?! Have I really fallen that far?!
Simon: I wouldn't believe it had I not seen it with my own eyes, Alan. Unfortunately, yes, it did happen. Keep your head held high though. Larry Tact is a great performer, and I am certain he will make for a spectacular champion.
Alan looks up at him, sadness in his eyes.
Alan: It wasn't supposed to end, Simon. Not tonight. Not on Synergy.
There is a sadness in his eyes that we aren't used to seeing, and we can't be sure if it is perspiration on his face, or if a tear has begun trickling down his cheek. He lowers his head and slowly begins heading down the hall towards the locker room area. His voice can be heard as he walks away.
Alan: This is the worst night of my life. My dream has turned into a nightmare. This is a living Hell…
Simon wants to follow after his friend… wants to offer up words of encouragement… but he knows they will do no good. Alan must figure this out on his own. And hopefully he does, before it's too late.
Day 1,000
The two warriors battled for nearly an hour, both now moving solely out of instinct. The moves are slower, and the punches have hardly any strength behind them. The tens of thousands in attendance here in Chicago are doing everything they can to will these two men to a finish, and both men do everything in their power to oblige. Vain begins to get the upper hand, connecting with a DDT that gets a two-count, and then applying Vanity at its Finest that almost resulted in a tap-out, but Larry Tact somehow was able to make it to the bottom rope.
As Vain attempts to pull Tact back to his feet, Larry suddenly grasps ahold of Vain and lifts him into the air, slamming him to the mat with The Humbling. He immediately rolls Vain over onto his stomach and applies Larry's Throne, and after more than thirty agonizing seconds, Vain taps out. Glenn Burke is there to signal for the bell, and the city of Chicago celebrates their new UGWC World Heavyweight Champion.
As Burke raises the arm of Larry Tact, the fans erupt in thunderous applause. 'Vain' Alan Wallace slides under the bottom rope and limps his way up the ramp, holding the small of his back. Pushing his way through the curtain and entering the gorilla position, he is greeted by his advocate and friend, Simon Wellington.
Alan: How the mighty have fallen, Simon. I just committed the cardinal sin within professional wrestling. I quit during a match.
Simon: It has happened to everyone, Alan. There is no shame in it. Larry Tact is a great performer, and I am certain he will make for a spectacular champion.
Alan looks up at him, sadness in his eyes.
Alan: It wasn't supposed to end, Simon. Not in that manner.
There is a sadness in his eyes that we aren't used to seeing, and we can't be sure if it is perspiration on his face, or if a tear has begun trickling down his cheek. He lowers his head and slowly begins heading down the hall towards the locker room area. His voice can be heard as he walks away.
Alan: This is the worst night of my life. My dream has turned into a nightmare. This is a living Hell…
Simon wants to follow after his friend… wants to offer up words of encouragement… but he knows they will do no good. Alan must figure this out on his own. And hopefully he does, before it's too late.
Day 10,000
The two warriors battled for nearly an hour, both now moving solely out of instinct. Vain gains the upper hand by connecting with a jumping piledriver and ascends to the top rope. He waits for Tact to get back to his feet as he calls for the Money Maker, when Err Bear appears at the top of the stage. The lights begin to flicker, the spotlights in the arena going haywire. Shrieks are heard from unseen people.
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As the lights go back to normal, Vain is flat on his back in the center of the ring, and Glenn Burke is raising the arm of Larry Tact. 'Vain' Alan Wallace slides under the bottom rope and, in certain disbelief, begins making his way up the ramp. Pushing his way through the curtain and entering the gorilla position, he is greeted by his advocate and friend, Simon Wellington.
Alan: I don't even know what to say, Simon. That fucking bear!
Simon: There is no shame in it. Larry Tact is a great performer, and I am certain he will make for a spectacular champion.
Alan looks up at him, sadness in his eyes.
Alan: It wasn't supposed to end, Simon. Not because of that big brown bitch!
There is a sadness in his eyes that we aren't used to seeing, and we can't be sure if it is perspiration on his face, or if a tear has begun trickling down his cheek. He lowers his head and slowly begins heading down the hall towards the locker room area. His voice can be heard as he walks away.
Alan: This is the worst night of my life. My dream has turned into a nightmare. This is a living Hell…
Simon wants to follow after his friend… wants to offer up words of encouragement… but he knows they will do no good. Alan must figure this out on his own. And hopefully he does, before it's too late.
Day 100,000
The two warriors battled for nearly an hour, both now moving solely out of instinct. Vain gets the upper hand after a series of rolling German Suplexes. He then climbs to the top rope, but instead of jumping off with a Money Maker, decides now is the best time to perfect his Dark Destroyer impersonation. He slips on the ropes, falls forwards into the ring, and lands on his head. Tact makes the cover, and Glenn Burke is there to make the count, as the city of Chicago celebrates their new UGWC World Heavyweight Champion.
As Burke raises the arm of Larry Tact, 'Vain' Alan Wallace slides under the bottom rope and sheepishly makes his way up the ramp. Pushing his way through the curtain and entering the gorilla position, he is greeted by his advocate and friend, Simon Wellington.
Alan: What. The. FUCK?!
Simon: That was my first thought.
Alan: Maybe it's time I call it quits. To lose like that?! That's fucking embarrassing!
Simon: There is no shame in it. Larry Tact is a great performer, and I am certain he will make for a spectacular champion.
Alan looks up at him, sadness in his eyes.
Alan: It wasn't supposed to end, Simon. And never like that!
There is a sadness in his eyes that we aren't used to seeing, and we can't be sure if it is perspiration on his face, or if a tear has begun trickling down his cheek. He lowers his head and slowly begins heading down the hall towards the locker room area. His voice can be heard as he walks away.
Alan: This is the worst night of my life. My dream has turned into a nightmare. This is a living Hell…
Simon wants to follow after his friend… wants to offer up words of encouragement… but he knows they will do no good. Alan must figure this out on his own. And hopefully he does, before it's too…
Simon: Wait, wait, wait… STOP!
As soon as he utters the words, everyone else in the area disappears. The once sprawling backstage area morphs into a scene of gray desolation, with screams echoing throughout the entirety of the landscape, and ash falling from the sky. Alan slowly turns back towards his friend, his face a mixture of confusion and fear.
Alan: Si… Simon?
Simon, too, has slowly begun to morph. His once blonde hair is now a deep black, and his clean-shaven face now sports a days' old beard. Gone is the sullen look that everyone is used to when they see him, instead replaced with a sinister grin.
'Simon': Why hello there, my dear Alan.
Alan begins walking towards him, more than a bit of trepidation as he slowly makes his way forward.
Alan: Si.. Simon… wh… what happened to your face. And… and why… why do you… suddenly sound as if you just came over from Britain?
'Simon': Wales, actually. Well, at least the 'suit', anyhow. Do you like? I believe it's quite dandy if I must say.
Alan: What… what is happening right now?
'Simon': Well my dear Alan, I just couldn't stand to see you suffer this torment any longer. I mean, it's been over two-hundred seventy-three years. Day in and day out, we have gone through this process. And day in and day out, the result is always the same. You sullenly sulking off to your locker room area, only to repeat the process all over again.
Alan's eyes go wide, and he takes a step backwards.
Alan: What are you talking about? Where am I?
'Simon': I have watched you lose in every way imaginable, with every sort of interference imaginable. I have watched as you have questioned your abilities, questioned your choices, and questioned your very existence. And one-hundred-thousand days is quite enough. Even I don't believe in that amount of torture.
Alan's lower lip begins to tremble, and he takes a few more steps backwards.
Alan: Wh… what is this?
In the blink of an eye, 'Simon' is directly in front of Alan, his hands resting on Alan's shoulders.
'Simon': Why, it's your Hell loop, Alan!
In a full out panic, Alan attempts to move away from the man he thought was his friend and advocate, but the grip on his shoulders is too tight. This 'Simon' is much too strong. A look of realization then begins to form on the face of Alan Wallace.
Alan: Then that means…
'Simon': That you're in Hell? Of course you're in Hell!
Alan: NO! No, no, no, no, no… I can't be in Hell! Celeste! Presley! WHY?!
'Simon' leans forward, the handsome face with the black hair morphing into the red face and eyes of the devil himself. Alan attempts to scream, but his fear won't allow it.
'Simon': Only you know the answer to that question, Alan. Only you have the power to release yourself from this cycle.
Alan begins clutching at his chest and hyperventilating, at first much to the enjoyment of 'Simon'. His red face - his real face - disappearing once more and being replaced with the dapperness of a Welshman named Tom, 'Simon' soon can't help but feel pity for the poor, trapped soul that stands in front of him.
'Simon': Come now.
In an instant, the two men are seated at a beautifully handcrafted bar, a glass containing a bit of Lucifer's Gold in front of each of them.
'Simon': Look Alan… most humans are unaware, but it is your own guilt that traps you here for eternity. Once you have managed to face said guilt head-on, you shall be tormented no more.
Alan: What guilt?
'Simon': Only you know the answer to that, Alan.
Alan: But I don't have anything to feel guilty about! The only thing that I ever felt guilty over was what I did to Celeste all those years ago, but I have let that go, and she and I are happier than ever. Or, were happier than ever, I suppose.
'Simon' begins to grow somewhat aggravated with this whole affair.
'Simon': Oh deary me, let's see if I can help speed this along a bit, shall we?
He leans forward and stares directly into the eyes of 'Vain' Alan Wallace.
'Simon': My dear Alan… what is it that you truly desire?
Alan stares back into his eyes for a moment, as if he has lost all train of thought. He finally, feebly, speaks.
Alan: I… I wish… I wish I would have never retired.
'Simon': Is that so?
The almost trance-like state that Alan had been in has all but dissolved, but he continues to speak freely.
Alan: Had I not retired when I did, the UGWC fans wouldn't have had to deal with lesser wrestlers masquerading as their champions. They wouldn't have had to cheer for the likes of people like Larry Tact, who obviously couldn't lace my boots on his best day. It's something that I don't know how I will ever forgive myself for.
'Simon': Well Alan, only you know the answer to that. Now… where is the detective?
In a flash he is gone, as is his glass of Lucifer's Gold.
Day 100,001
The two warriors battled for nearly an hour, both now moving solely out of instinct. Vain gets the upper hand after connecting with first a Curtain Call, and then a Cherry Popper. Ascending to the top rope, he waits for Tact to get to his feet, before flying off and connecting with a Money Maker. Glenn Burke is there to make the count, and the city of Chicago celebrates their favorite UGWC World Heavyweight Champion.
Burke raises the arm of 'Vain' Alan Wallace, as confetti falls from the rafters.
~
Alan awakens with a jolt, a string of saliva stretching from his mouth to his pillow as he raises his head up. He immediately reaches for his head, closing his eyes as tightly as he can so that no light whatsoever can add to the pounding in his cranium. Across the room, seated in the rocking chair and feeding the baby, is Celeste Worth. She eyes him suspiciously.
Celeste: Bad dream, Alan?
He responds with a grunt, followed by a dry heave as he pushes himself up into a seated position. Celeste can do nothing but shake her head.
Celeste: Do me two favors in the future, Alan. One… never drink anything given to you by Chad Anthony. I don't care what he says it may be for.
Alan begins to nod his head, but grasps for it again in pain. Peeking out of one squinted eye, he looks over at his wife and daughter.
Alan: And the second?
Celeste: Stop binge-watching "Lucifer" on Netflix. Because if I have to endure one more night of hearing the names "Detective" and "Maze" while you sleep, I'm going to scream.
Alan collapses back into the bed, his feet hanging off.
Alan: Yes, dear.
====================
#VAINSPLAINS
And so it has come to be.
I would like to congratulate you on the feat, Mr. Tact. I know almost as well as anyone how difficult it is to defeat either Donovan Hastings or Zane Scott, especially when championship gold is on the line. To be able to defeat both of them in the same match, to not only complete the Tactful ConQuest that you so gallantly went to battle week in and week out for, but to solidify the opportunity to challenge for the UGWC World Heavyweight Championship in the process, is an accolade that very few have the ability to ensure. Not only to withstand the rigor of it all, but to do so with the utmost professionalism and decency, to ultimately stand victorious in the end with an even greater prize in front of you? It is an honor and a distinction that you most assuredly should be extremely proud of.
Yet, I am not surprised in the slightest.
Ever since defeating Konrad Raab on the first Synergy of March to claim the UGWC Conquest Championship, you have carried and defended that championship with the class and the dignity of a true champion. And in the process, you have continued to raise the bar of what a truly great entertainment professional is meant to be. You started off the Tactful ConQuest by defeating one of the greats in UGWC history, a man who I am loathe to admit is a future UGWC Hall of Famer in Travis Pierce. The next two defenses saw you emerge victorious via disqualification, as Trent Steel squarely set his sights on you, seemingly attacking you every opportunity that he could take. You gained your revenge for those assaults however, when you defeated him at Alchemy in one of the damndest fights that I have ever witnessed in wrestling - and I have had the misfortune of being in two Valhalla Burial matches. And then the aforementioned triple threat against Donovan and Zane made five.
But even before all of that, I knew that you had what it took to lead this company. To be the standard-bearer that all future entertainment professionals would strive to emulate.
I had decided to retire to Miami when you appeared at Wrestlestock 2021, but though I had decided to remove myself from the wrestling industry, I wasn't able to remove the wrestling industry from my mind. Not entirely, anyway. And with that year's Wrestlestock event being the first one held since I had retired, I felt that I had no choice but to tune in. To either determine if I had made the right decision, or if the calling of the UGWC ring would be too loud to ignore. And while that event highlighted the skills of entertainment professionals such as Lucy Wylde, Sebastian Everett-Bryce, Centurion, Donovan Hastings, and Gabriel Baal just to name a few… it was a Level Up battle royal match that I found myself gravitating towards the most. More specifically, the two winners of that battle royal match. Don Tirri…
And Larry Tact.
Yet even after enjoying that event, I knew that I had made the correct decision. I also knew that to truly have peace of mind in that decision, I needed to step away from wrestling altogether. And that is exactly what I did for a full calendar year. I cut professional wrestling completely out of my life. I didn't watch the product; I didn't associate with anyone still actively participating in the industry; I allowed it to disappear from my life entirely, preferring to instead focus on my life with Celeste. And it was a glorious time for the two of us, as for the first time in almost a decade, we could just enjoy each other, without all the pitfalls that come with the professional wrestling industry.
If only it had lasted.
Almost exactly one year later, Wrestlestock 2022, I let my guard down and decided to assess my resolve regarding a possible return. And again, I see the same hungry entertainment professional that I had seen emerge victorious for Level Up the year before. Only this time, he was in a Wrestlestock Open singles match against Konrad Raab. And no matter what anyone thinks of Mr. Raab as a person, or his success in this industry, I know exactly how tough he is in that ring. And you disposed of him after a hard-fought match, allowing UGWC fans around the world to see another glimpse of the star that you were. They, like I, were clamoring to see you sign full-time with UGWC after that Open match, so that we could see you test your mettle against our absolute best.
Yet, it wasn't meant to be.
You had other bookings that you were scheduled to appear for, and the UGWC Universe was left disappointed. I was left disappointed. And so, I left again. I married the love of my life… we traveled the world… and ultimately began discussions about if and when we would start a family. And though I stopped watching altogether for almost another entire year, I did begin keeping tabs on things that were going on within UGWC. I took note when it was announced that Larry Tact would be facing Matt Knox in a Survival of the Fittest quarterfinal match in April of last year, though if I am being honest, I assumed that it would be another one-off. I assumed that I would be left disappointed. Again.
I'm happy to admit that I was wrong in that assumption.
Though you lost that quarterfinal match against Mr. Knox, you then went on to have quite entertaining battles against the likes of Tony Savage, Vespertine, and Ezra Wolf. And while you didn't find success in some of those matches, you were putting the entire company on notice that you were destined to be a force within not only this company, but the entire industry. Which boded well for 'Yours Truly', as I had begun toying with the idea of returning myself, and correcting a few wrongs done to me by Travis Pierce.
Though Travis Pierce was at the forefront of my mind during those few months that led up to my return to UGWC at last year's Wrestlestock, I knew deep down that I wasn't coming back for just Travis Pierce… even if it took quite a while for me to be able to admit it to myself. You see, Mr. Tact, I felt that I had a lot to prove. I needed to prove to the fans who clamored for my return that their cries weren't in vain. I needed to prove to the company itself that even though I had aged a few years while I was gone, that I was still capable of not only being successful in the ring, but that I could carry the company if necessary. Most importantly, I needed to prove to myself that I was every bit the entertainment professional that I was when I had decided to walk away after Horizons 2020. And while obvious names like Travis Pierce, Donovan Hastings, Zane Scott, and JC were at the forefront of my mind when it came to testing myself against the very best in order to see if I could still do this on a weekly basis, there were also names that I hadn't shared the ring with for any meaningful amount of time that I also felt I needed to test myself against. People like Matt Knox, Ezra Wolf, The Avenger, Sebastian Everett-Bryce…
And Larry Tact.
While I was discussing returning with Celeste and putting out feelers to UGWC about a possible return, I watched as you fought valiantly at Battleground in an unbelievable effort, coming up just short to Dave Rydell. While I was training in an attempt to get back into ring shape so that I wouldn't embarrass myself upon my eventual return, I watched as you defeated everyone put in front of you to win last year's Wrestlestock Open. And when I finally returned to in-ring competition on July 31st of last year and embarrassed John Blade, I watched in the back as you defeated Dark Destroyer in what might be one of the shortest matches UGWC fans have ever witnessed. And then, not even a month later, I found myself teaming up with you, provided the opportunity to see exactly what you were made of up close and personal, as we defeated Travis Pierce and Dave Rydell.
This time, I wasn't disappointed.
Since that time, we have gone in different directions, only sharing the ring together once. In that instance, you earned the victory, as you and The Avenger defeated the heart and the soul of the faction known years ago as 'The Syndicate', Alan Wallace and Zane Scott. But I think we both know that match means very little in the grand scheme of things, don't we, Mr. Tact? Because while garnering success in the cooperative division is all fine and good, two men such as ourselves only have one goal in mind.
To be the UGWC World Heavyweight Champion.
That is a distinction that I currently have, and it is a distinction that you yearn to attain. And due to the run that you had with the UGWC Conquest Championship, you have more than earned the opportunity to step into the ring with 'Arrogance Personified' in an attempt to finally obtain that which you have fought tooth and nail for: The UGWC World Heavyweight Championship.
My UGWC World Heavyweight Championship.
I take nothing away from what you have done since signing a contract with UGWC, Mr. Tact. You have won some particularly important matches during your time here, and even in the matches that you have lost, you are consistently learning from any mistakes that you may have made, and you do your best to ensure that those mistakes aren't made again. It is a testament to your work ethic, as well as your character. And if I am being completely honest with you, Mr. Tact, UGWC would be in extremely capable hands with you as their champion. The Consortium knows that; the fans know that; the roster knows that; and more importantly, I know that. Unfortunately for you though, I'm not ready to just hand my title over to you and ride off into the sunset. You are going to have to go through me for your Tactful ConQuest to mean anything at all.
Pity, that.
Over the last nine months, I have done what nobody thought was possible for me to do, Mr. Tact. I won the Massive Melee for the first time in my career, when everyone thought I was too old and too slow to even leave a memorable moment in that battle royal. I went into the Keeper of the Keys Match as an actual underdog for maybe the first time in my entire life, yet I ultimately defeated Dave Rydell, Matt Knox, and Zane Scott. I then did the unthinkable, defeating Sebastian Everett-Bryce at Horizons after he had been on a two-year run that will likely never be duplicated. At Infinity I withstood the challenge of a man who very well might be the greatest entertainment professional that UGWC has ever seen in Donovan Hastings. And then at Alchemy, I buried your buddy Matt Knox, which you had an up-close, personal view of.
And on Monday, I add your name to the list of people that have fallen at my feet.
Your time is coming, Mr. Tact, but I haven't finished rewriting the history books yet. Once I have, I will be more than happy to step aside and allow you the privilege of leading UGWC into the future. Unfortunately, that time… your time... isn't now. Just do me one favor, Mr. Tact. After we do battle and I emerge victorious, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and begin climbing back up the proverbial ladder that 'Vain' Alan Wallace has knocked you off of. And maybe… just maybe… you will find yourself with another opportunity to topple the King and lay claim to the Kingdom of UGWC. Because anything less than that would be extremely disappointing.
Don't disappoint me again, Mr. Tact.
And so it has come to be.
I would like to congratulate you on the feat, Mr. Tact. I know almost as well as anyone how difficult it is to defeat either Donovan Hastings or Zane Scott, especially when championship gold is on the line. To be able to defeat both of them in the same match, to not only complete the Tactful ConQuest that you so gallantly went to battle week in and week out for, but to solidify the opportunity to challenge for the UGWC World Heavyweight Championship in the process, is an accolade that very few have the ability to ensure. Not only to withstand the rigor of it all, but to do so with the utmost professionalism and decency, to ultimately stand victorious in the end with an even greater prize in front of you? It is an honor and a distinction that you most assuredly should be extremely proud of.
Yet, I am not surprised in the slightest.
Ever since defeating Konrad Raab on the first Synergy of March to claim the UGWC Conquest Championship, you have carried and defended that championship with the class and the dignity of a true champion. And in the process, you have continued to raise the bar of what a truly great entertainment professional is meant to be. You started off the Tactful ConQuest by defeating one of the greats in UGWC history, a man who I am loathe to admit is a future UGWC Hall of Famer in Travis Pierce. The next two defenses saw you emerge victorious via disqualification, as Trent Steel squarely set his sights on you, seemingly attacking you every opportunity that he could take. You gained your revenge for those assaults however, when you defeated him at Alchemy in one of the damndest fights that I have ever witnessed in wrestling - and I have had the misfortune of being in two Valhalla Burial matches. And then the aforementioned triple threat against Donovan and Zane made five.
But even before all of that, I knew that you had what it took to lead this company. To be the standard-bearer that all future entertainment professionals would strive to emulate.
I had decided to retire to Miami when you appeared at Wrestlestock 2021, but though I had decided to remove myself from the wrestling industry, I wasn't able to remove the wrestling industry from my mind. Not entirely, anyway. And with that year's Wrestlestock event being the first one held since I had retired, I felt that I had no choice but to tune in. To either determine if I had made the right decision, or if the calling of the UGWC ring would be too loud to ignore. And while that event highlighted the skills of entertainment professionals such as Lucy Wylde, Sebastian Everett-Bryce, Centurion, Donovan Hastings, and Gabriel Baal just to name a few… it was a Level Up battle royal match that I found myself gravitating towards the most. More specifically, the two winners of that battle royal match. Don Tirri…
And Larry Tact.
Yet even after enjoying that event, I knew that I had made the correct decision. I also knew that to truly have peace of mind in that decision, I needed to step away from wrestling altogether. And that is exactly what I did for a full calendar year. I cut professional wrestling completely out of my life. I didn't watch the product; I didn't associate with anyone still actively participating in the industry; I allowed it to disappear from my life entirely, preferring to instead focus on my life with Celeste. And it was a glorious time for the two of us, as for the first time in almost a decade, we could just enjoy each other, without all the pitfalls that come with the professional wrestling industry.
If only it had lasted.
Almost exactly one year later, Wrestlestock 2022, I let my guard down and decided to assess my resolve regarding a possible return. And again, I see the same hungry entertainment professional that I had seen emerge victorious for Level Up the year before. Only this time, he was in a Wrestlestock Open singles match against Konrad Raab. And no matter what anyone thinks of Mr. Raab as a person, or his success in this industry, I know exactly how tough he is in that ring. And you disposed of him after a hard-fought match, allowing UGWC fans around the world to see another glimpse of the star that you were. They, like I, were clamoring to see you sign full-time with UGWC after that Open match, so that we could see you test your mettle against our absolute best.
Yet, it wasn't meant to be.
You had other bookings that you were scheduled to appear for, and the UGWC Universe was left disappointed. I was left disappointed. And so, I left again. I married the love of my life… we traveled the world… and ultimately began discussions about if and when we would start a family. And though I stopped watching altogether for almost another entire year, I did begin keeping tabs on things that were going on within UGWC. I took note when it was announced that Larry Tact would be facing Matt Knox in a Survival of the Fittest quarterfinal match in April of last year, though if I am being honest, I assumed that it would be another one-off. I assumed that I would be left disappointed. Again.
I'm happy to admit that I was wrong in that assumption.
Though you lost that quarterfinal match against Mr. Knox, you then went on to have quite entertaining battles against the likes of Tony Savage, Vespertine, and Ezra Wolf. And while you didn't find success in some of those matches, you were putting the entire company on notice that you were destined to be a force within not only this company, but the entire industry. Which boded well for 'Yours Truly', as I had begun toying with the idea of returning myself, and correcting a few wrongs done to me by Travis Pierce.
Though Travis Pierce was at the forefront of my mind during those few months that led up to my return to UGWC at last year's Wrestlestock, I knew deep down that I wasn't coming back for just Travis Pierce… even if it took quite a while for me to be able to admit it to myself. You see, Mr. Tact, I felt that I had a lot to prove. I needed to prove to the fans who clamored for my return that their cries weren't in vain. I needed to prove to the company itself that even though I had aged a few years while I was gone, that I was still capable of not only being successful in the ring, but that I could carry the company if necessary. Most importantly, I needed to prove to myself that I was every bit the entertainment professional that I was when I had decided to walk away after Horizons 2020. And while obvious names like Travis Pierce, Donovan Hastings, Zane Scott, and JC were at the forefront of my mind when it came to testing myself against the very best in order to see if I could still do this on a weekly basis, there were also names that I hadn't shared the ring with for any meaningful amount of time that I also felt I needed to test myself against. People like Matt Knox, Ezra Wolf, The Avenger, Sebastian Everett-Bryce…
And Larry Tact.
While I was discussing returning with Celeste and putting out feelers to UGWC about a possible return, I watched as you fought valiantly at Battleground in an unbelievable effort, coming up just short to Dave Rydell. While I was training in an attempt to get back into ring shape so that I wouldn't embarrass myself upon my eventual return, I watched as you defeated everyone put in front of you to win last year's Wrestlestock Open. And when I finally returned to in-ring competition on July 31st of last year and embarrassed John Blade, I watched in the back as you defeated Dark Destroyer in what might be one of the shortest matches UGWC fans have ever witnessed. And then, not even a month later, I found myself teaming up with you, provided the opportunity to see exactly what you were made of up close and personal, as we defeated Travis Pierce and Dave Rydell.
This time, I wasn't disappointed.
Since that time, we have gone in different directions, only sharing the ring together once. In that instance, you earned the victory, as you and The Avenger defeated the heart and the soul of the faction known years ago as 'The Syndicate', Alan Wallace and Zane Scott. But I think we both know that match means very little in the grand scheme of things, don't we, Mr. Tact? Because while garnering success in the cooperative division is all fine and good, two men such as ourselves only have one goal in mind.
To be the UGWC World Heavyweight Champion.
That is a distinction that I currently have, and it is a distinction that you yearn to attain. And due to the run that you had with the UGWC Conquest Championship, you have more than earned the opportunity to step into the ring with 'Arrogance Personified' in an attempt to finally obtain that which you have fought tooth and nail for: The UGWC World Heavyweight Championship.
My UGWC World Heavyweight Championship.
I take nothing away from what you have done since signing a contract with UGWC, Mr. Tact. You have won some particularly important matches during your time here, and even in the matches that you have lost, you are consistently learning from any mistakes that you may have made, and you do your best to ensure that those mistakes aren't made again. It is a testament to your work ethic, as well as your character. And if I am being completely honest with you, Mr. Tact, UGWC would be in extremely capable hands with you as their champion. The Consortium knows that; the fans know that; the roster knows that; and more importantly, I know that. Unfortunately for you though, I'm not ready to just hand my title over to you and ride off into the sunset. You are going to have to go through me for your Tactful ConQuest to mean anything at all.
Pity, that.
Over the last nine months, I have done what nobody thought was possible for me to do, Mr. Tact. I won the Massive Melee for the first time in my career, when everyone thought I was too old and too slow to even leave a memorable moment in that battle royal. I went into the Keeper of the Keys Match as an actual underdog for maybe the first time in my entire life, yet I ultimately defeated Dave Rydell, Matt Knox, and Zane Scott. I then did the unthinkable, defeating Sebastian Everett-Bryce at Horizons after he had been on a two-year run that will likely never be duplicated. At Infinity I withstood the challenge of a man who very well might be the greatest entertainment professional that UGWC has ever seen in Donovan Hastings. And then at Alchemy, I buried your buddy Matt Knox, which you had an up-close, personal view of.
And on Monday, I add your name to the list of people that have fallen at my feet.
Your time is coming, Mr. Tact, but I haven't finished rewriting the history books yet. Once I have, I will be more than happy to step aside and allow you the privilege of leading UGWC into the future. Unfortunately, that time… your time... isn't now. Just do me one favor, Mr. Tact. After we do battle and I emerge victorious, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and begin climbing back up the proverbial ladder that 'Vain' Alan Wallace has knocked you off of. And maybe… just maybe… you will find yourself with another opportunity to topple the King and lay claim to the Kingdom of UGWC. Because anything less than that would be extremely disappointing.
Don't disappoint me again, Mr. Tact.
#VAINSPLAINS - #YOUREWELCOME