Post by Travis Pierce on Apr 20, 2024 21:46:37 GMT -5
We see a darkened set, with silhouettes visible of a table with someone sitting behind it. A voiceover is heard from Rob Cartwright.
Cartwright: Ladies and gentlemen, he is the host of The Piercing Truth, you know his name, the Icon of Entertainment, the King of Charisma, he is...TRAVIS PIERCE!
“You Know My Name” by Chris Cornell begins to play, and the lights come on to show a chair sitting backwards behind the desk. A monitor behind the chair shows the logo for The Piercing Truth. The chair slowly turns around, revealing Travis Pierce.
Pierce: Welcome to the show! I’m your host, Travis Pierce, and the top stories are in my hands!
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: Amid skyrocketing popularity of the weight loss treatment known as Ozempic, surgeons believe that Hollywood is experiencing a spike in the side effect known as “Ozempic Face.” For the uninitiated, some side effects of taking Ozempic include sunken eyes, gaunt cheeks and saggy skin, often making the user appear older and more deflated. It’s the same thing that happens when you watch too many Gideon Thornfield match preparation videos.
Travis switches to Camera A.
Pierce: Trump Media in an update to a FAQ on its website provided tips to shareholders on how to avoid their stock being loaned out for short selling. The tips come as the share price of DJT has plunged since March 26, when the company that owns the Truth Social app began being publicly traded. It’s turns out the best way to do it is just set yourself on fire, because then it doesn’t matter anymore, especially if you’re burned in blood.
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: Several students and adults participated in an hours-long walkout from Utah’s Mt. Nebo Middle School on Wednesday in support of a petition. The description for the petition says that the administration of the school should more strictly enforce the district’s dress code for the specific purpose to block exposure to Furries, because in Utah it’s okay to have six wives but dressing up as Err Bear is problematic.
Travis switches to Camera A.
Pierce: The Pontotoc County man who told investigators he killed his friend during a fishing trip because he thought the man was summoning Bigfoot to kill him was convicted Wednesday afternoon. Bigfoot, of course, is an imaginary beast, but some monsters are real. Monsters like Roberts, who just didn’t know when they needed to stay in their hole and die. Monsters like Zane Scott, who have a knock for showing up when they’re least needed. Finally, monsters like Donovan Hastings, who don’t have the good sense to wither and die like the rest of us.
Travis stares at his notes for a few moments before pushing them off the table and lowering his head. “You Know My Name” plays again and we fade out.
Cartwright: Ladies and gentlemen, he is the host of The Piercing Truth, you know his name, the Icon of Entertainment, the King of Charisma, he is...TRAVIS PIERCE!
“You Know My Name” by Chris Cornell begins to play, and the lights come on to show a chair sitting backwards behind the desk. A monitor behind the chair shows the logo for The Piercing Truth. The chair slowly turns around, revealing Travis Pierce.
Pierce: Welcome to the show! I’m your host, Travis Pierce, and the top stories are in my hands!
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: Amid skyrocketing popularity of the weight loss treatment known as Ozempic, surgeons believe that Hollywood is experiencing a spike in the side effect known as “Ozempic Face.” For the uninitiated, some side effects of taking Ozempic include sunken eyes, gaunt cheeks and saggy skin, often making the user appear older and more deflated. It’s the same thing that happens when you watch too many Gideon Thornfield match preparation videos.
Travis switches to Camera A.
Pierce: Trump Media in an update to a FAQ on its website provided tips to shareholders on how to avoid their stock being loaned out for short selling. The tips come as the share price of DJT has plunged since March 26, when the company that owns the Truth Social app began being publicly traded. It’s turns out the best way to do it is just set yourself on fire, because then it doesn’t matter anymore, especially if you’re burned in blood.
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: Several students and adults participated in an hours-long walkout from Utah’s Mt. Nebo Middle School on Wednesday in support of a petition. The description for the petition says that the administration of the school should more strictly enforce the district’s dress code for the specific purpose to block exposure to Furries, because in Utah it’s okay to have six wives but dressing up as Err Bear is problematic.
Travis switches to Camera A.
Pierce: The Pontotoc County man who told investigators he killed his friend during a fishing trip because he thought the man was summoning Bigfoot to kill him was convicted Wednesday afternoon. Bigfoot, of course, is an imaginary beast, but some monsters are real. Monsters like Roberts, who just didn’t know when they needed to stay in their hole and die. Monsters like Zane Scott, who have a knock for showing up when they’re least needed. Finally, monsters like Donovan Hastings, who don’t have the good sense to wither and die like the rest of us.
Travis stares at his notes for a few moments before pushing them off the table and lowering his head. “You Know My Name” plays again and we fade out.
