Post by Travis Pierce on Dec 2, 2010 21:29:41 GMT -5
We see a darkened set, with silhouettes visible of a table with a couch alongside it. A voiceover is heard from Rob Cartwright.
Cartwright: Ladies and gentlemen, the host of The Piercing Truth, you know his name, TRAVIS PIERCE!
“You Know My Name” by Chris Cornell begins to play, and the lights come on to show a chair sitting backwards behind the desk. A monitor behind the chair shows the logo for The Piercing Truth. The chair spins around to reveal Travis himself. Pierce looks directly at the camera.
Pierce:Good evening, and welcome to The Piercing Truth! My name is Travis Pierce, as always your host for the evening. We come at last to the Horizons…but not without a side helping of top stories!
Pierce switches to Camera B.
Pierce: One of the writers of “Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl” has revealed that he intended the role of the lead character to go to Hugh Jackman, and so committed to the idea was he that he named the character after him. It just goes to show that just because a name fits, it isn’t always the best idea, something that is perhaps best exemplified in the on-going battle between Alex Kiseragi and Marek Daisuke. I’ll be offering more insightful commentary on this feud later in our broadcast.
Pierce switches to Camera B.
Pierce: For the first time in years, the top search term in the internet was not a celebrity or otherwise entertainment related, but rather was the BP Oil Spill disaster. In a related story, the search is still on for Red Fusion’s talent.
Pierce switches to Camera A.
Pierce: A Texas high school basketball team celebrated a 32 point loss to a rival because they had successfully held their opponent to under 100 points, mainly because they tried to stop scoring themselves. In considering the attitude that “at least we didn’t get beat too badly, there is actually no truth to the rumor that the team is coached by Medos.
Pierce switches to Camera B.
Pierce: The Pentagon has rolled out prototypes of the first-ever programmable “smart” grenade launcher, a shoulder-fired weapon that uses micro chipped ammunition to target and kill the enemy, even when the enemy is hidden behind walls or cover. The XM25 weapon system is considered to be a “game-changer” much as the presence of the reigning Chaos Champion in the Carnage Match could be a game-changer, but given that Ezekiel hasn’t exactly blown our skirts up as champion, perhaps he needs to kiss his chances up to God.
Pierce switches to Camera A.
Pierce: And we go now LIVE to a special pre-taped segment, Travis Pierce on the scene!
Nothing happens.
Pierce: Uh, Rob?
Cartwright: Sorry, we can’t get the Blu-Ray player working.
Pierce: What do you mean, you can’t get it working?
Cartwright: It’s this stupid BUDA. The instructions are really confusing. Stall.
Pierce: Right, well then we go now to a segment that we call…A Quiet Moment With Travis.
Pierce pushes off with his foot and rolls on his chair into a corner of the studio, next to some bookshelves. He picks up a blanket and puts it across his lap, and then pulls out a pipe and puts it in his mouth.
Pierce: There have been a lot of questions this past week, everybody wants to know where Travis Pierce stands on this whole Kiseragi and Daisuke thing. Am I eager to take a final vengeance on Kiseragi and doom him to a life of chinking? Or am I sick and tired of this whole “Dragon God” malarky? I’ve given it a lot of thought, and I can tell you right now, quite definitively.
Pierce blows some bubbles out of the pipe.
Pierce: I’m Switzerland on this one. The piercing truth about this is that both of these guys are complete douche bags. Kiseragi still hasn’t gotten what he has coming to him considering his inability to accept my superiority to him in every way imaginable, denying to this day how ridiculously unfair that whole Dragon’s Cave stuff was, and wants to count Outlast in his favor even though obviously that shouldn’t count because my team was useless. And Daisuke…
Pierce blows some more bubbles.
Pierce: Dude’s in my spot! Horizons could have been the final showdown, mano-y-mano, between myself and Kiseragi, the brawl for it all. Instead, I’m his referee. Granted, I like to just watch sometimes, but this was meant to be my time. I’ll have to cope with just winning Carnage instead and getting a title shot any time I…oh.
Pierce blows some more bubbles.
Pierce: I guess that kind of worked out for me, didn’t it.
Pierce blows some more bubbles.
Pierce: You got that fixed yet? I‘m floundering here.
Carwright: Yeah.
Pierce: And I’m off!
Pierce nods his head, tosses the blanket, and rolls the chair back into place behind his desk.
Pierce: And we go now LIVE to a special pre-taped segment, Travis Pierce on the scene!
Cut to Travis standing in what appears to be a public bathroom.
Pierce: I’m Travis Pierce, reporting LIVE from the men’s bathroom in New York’s Central Station, where often times you might expect to see the likes of Gabrielle Montgomery in a corner with a friend, but tonight the most significant thing of note about this location is that it is right beneath the arena where in just a few short days, some careers may be flushed away. Some in the literal sense, as we could see what prove to be retirement matches for Declan Prescott and the Royal First Battalion. Some in a metaphoric sense, as either Alex Kiseragi or Marek Daisuke will forever live in the indignity of being known for the rest of time as the Chinkster.
A flush is heard, and a skeevy looking guy comes out of a stall, stares at Pierce for a moment, and leaves without washing his hands.
Pierce: Gross. As I was saying, at Horizons, careers will be irreparably damaged, but one career will be made. One person will emerge from the Carnage Match in a position to skyrocket his career to unforeseen heights, and in control of his own destiny. It will not be Kyle Tacker, who has demonstrated in the past that he knows how to lose a Carnage Match. It will not be Enigma, who needs a nickname for his nickname. It will not be Tyvola, who I think just walked out of here and forgot something important. The piercing truth is that the only person qualified for victory is none other than Travis Pierce himself.
Suddenly, the ghost of Leslie Nielsen appears next to Travis!!!
Nielsen: It’s the same old story. Boy enters match. Boy uses tables. Boy uses chains. Boy climbs ladder. People do lots of bleeding inside a steel cage, in an arena under a tragic blimp accident during Horizons.
Pierce: Goodyear?
Nielsen: No, the worst.
Pierce: Surely you can’t be serious.
Nielsen: I am serious…and don’t call me Shirley.
Pierce: Back to you, Travis!
We cut back to the studio.
Pierce: Thanks, Travis, for that insightful field report. And now, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome my guest for the evening…the World Heavyweight Champion, Donovan Hastings!
The 8-bit synthesizer plays “Ripper” as Donovan comes out, but rather than take a seat on the couch, he stands a few feet in front of the desk, staring at Pierce.
Pierce: Uh, you make a better door than a window there. Fans can’t see me.
Hastings: I’m not here to be your damned guest.
Pierce: Rob said you contacted us and set this up?
Hastings: I had the Niglet call in for a favor from the Neophyte because I want to use your equipment. I don’t need you.
Hastings snaps his fingers, and two burly men come out and stand on either side of Travis.
Pierce: Oh, I get it. I’ll see myself out.
Travis grabs himself by the front of the shirt and yanks himself out of his seat. He takes one step, but one of the burly men grabs him by the arm.
Pierce: What? Oh, come on…
Hastings: These guys have one job around here, we’ve got to let them do it.
The other burly man takes a pair of odd heavy looking socks out and smacks Travis in the back of the head with them. He slumps back into the chair, and the two burly men pick up the chair, Travis and all, and carry it off-set. They return with the throne, and Donovan walks around the table and takes a seat in it. He looks directly at the camera.
Hastings: Hello there…
Cartwright: Ladies and gentlemen, the host of The Piercing Truth, you know his name, TRAVIS PIERCE!
“You Know My Name” by Chris Cornell begins to play, and the lights come on to show a chair sitting backwards behind the desk. A monitor behind the chair shows the logo for The Piercing Truth. The chair spins around to reveal Travis himself. Pierce looks directly at the camera.
Pierce:Good evening, and welcome to The Piercing Truth! My name is Travis Pierce, as always your host for the evening. We come at last to the Horizons…but not without a side helping of top stories!
Pierce switches to Camera B.
Pierce: One of the writers of “Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl” has revealed that he intended the role of the lead character to go to Hugh Jackman, and so committed to the idea was he that he named the character after him. It just goes to show that just because a name fits, it isn’t always the best idea, something that is perhaps best exemplified in the on-going battle between Alex Kiseragi and Marek Daisuke. I’ll be offering more insightful commentary on this feud later in our broadcast.
Pierce switches to Camera B.
Pierce: For the first time in years, the top search term in the internet was not a celebrity or otherwise entertainment related, but rather was the BP Oil Spill disaster. In a related story, the search is still on for Red Fusion’s talent.
Pierce switches to Camera A.
Pierce: A Texas high school basketball team celebrated a 32 point loss to a rival because they had successfully held their opponent to under 100 points, mainly because they tried to stop scoring themselves. In considering the attitude that “at least we didn’t get beat too badly, there is actually no truth to the rumor that the team is coached by Medos.
Pierce switches to Camera B.
Pierce: The Pentagon has rolled out prototypes of the first-ever programmable “smart” grenade launcher, a shoulder-fired weapon that uses micro chipped ammunition to target and kill the enemy, even when the enemy is hidden behind walls or cover. The XM25 weapon system is considered to be a “game-changer” much as the presence of the reigning Chaos Champion in the Carnage Match could be a game-changer, but given that Ezekiel hasn’t exactly blown our skirts up as champion, perhaps he needs to kiss his chances up to God.
Pierce switches to Camera A.
Pierce: And we go now LIVE to a special pre-taped segment, Travis Pierce on the scene!
Nothing happens.
Pierce: Uh, Rob?
Cartwright: Sorry, we can’t get the Blu-Ray player working.
Pierce: What do you mean, you can’t get it working?
Cartwright: It’s this stupid BUDA. The instructions are really confusing. Stall.
Pierce: Right, well then we go now to a segment that we call…A Quiet Moment With Travis.
Pierce pushes off with his foot and rolls on his chair into a corner of the studio, next to some bookshelves. He picks up a blanket and puts it across his lap, and then pulls out a pipe and puts it in his mouth.
Pierce: There have been a lot of questions this past week, everybody wants to know where Travis Pierce stands on this whole Kiseragi and Daisuke thing. Am I eager to take a final vengeance on Kiseragi and doom him to a life of chinking? Or am I sick and tired of this whole “Dragon God” malarky? I’ve given it a lot of thought, and I can tell you right now, quite definitively.
Pierce blows some bubbles out of the pipe.
Pierce: I’m Switzerland on this one. The piercing truth about this is that both of these guys are complete douche bags. Kiseragi still hasn’t gotten what he has coming to him considering his inability to accept my superiority to him in every way imaginable, denying to this day how ridiculously unfair that whole Dragon’s Cave stuff was, and wants to count Outlast in his favor even though obviously that shouldn’t count because my team was useless. And Daisuke…
Pierce blows some more bubbles.
Pierce: Dude’s in my spot! Horizons could have been the final showdown, mano-y-mano, between myself and Kiseragi, the brawl for it all. Instead, I’m his referee. Granted, I like to just watch sometimes, but this was meant to be my time. I’ll have to cope with just winning Carnage instead and getting a title shot any time I…oh.
Pierce blows some more bubbles.
Pierce: I guess that kind of worked out for me, didn’t it.
Pierce blows some more bubbles.
Pierce: You got that fixed yet? I‘m floundering here.
Carwright: Yeah.
Pierce: And I’m off!
Pierce nods his head, tosses the blanket, and rolls the chair back into place behind his desk.
Pierce: And we go now LIVE to a special pre-taped segment, Travis Pierce on the scene!
Cut to Travis standing in what appears to be a public bathroom.
Pierce: I’m Travis Pierce, reporting LIVE from the men’s bathroom in New York’s Central Station, where often times you might expect to see the likes of Gabrielle Montgomery in a corner with a friend, but tonight the most significant thing of note about this location is that it is right beneath the arena where in just a few short days, some careers may be flushed away. Some in the literal sense, as we could see what prove to be retirement matches for Declan Prescott and the Royal First Battalion. Some in a metaphoric sense, as either Alex Kiseragi or Marek Daisuke will forever live in the indignity of being known for the rest of time as the Chinkster.
A flush is heard, and a skeevy looking guy comes out of a stall, stares at Pierce for a moment, and leaves without washing his hands.
Pierce: Gross. As I was saying, at Horizons, careers will be irreparably damaged, but one career will be made. One person will emerge from the Carnage Match in a position to skyrocket his career to unforeseen heights, and in control of his own destiny. It will not be Kyle Tacker, who has demonstrated in the past that he knows how to lose a Carnage Match. It will not be Enigma, who needs a nickname for his nickname. It will not be Tyvola, who I think just walked out of here and forgot something important. The piercing truth is that the only person qualified for victory is none other than Travis Pierce himself.
Suddenly, the ghost of Leslie Nielsen appears next to Travis!!!
Nielsen: It’s the same old story. Boy enters match. Boy uses tables. Boy uses chains. Boy climbs ladder. People do lots of bleeding inside a steel cage, in an arena under a tragic blimp accident during Horizons.
Pierce: Goodyear?
Nielsen: No, the worst.
Pierce: Surely you can’t be serious.
Nielsen: I am serious…and don’t call me Shirley.
Pierce: Back to you, Travis!
We cut back to the studio.
Pierce: Thanks, Travis, for that insightful field report. And now, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome my guest for the evening…the World Heavyweight Champion, Donovan Hastings!
The 8-bit synthesizer plays “Ripper” as Donovan comes out, but rather than take a seat on the couch, he stands a few feet in front of the desk, staring at Pierce.
Pierce: Uh, you make a better door than a window there. Fans can’t see me.
Hastings: I’m not here to be your damned guest.
Pierce: Rob said you contacted us and set this up?
Hastings: I had the Niglet call in for a favor from the Neophyte because I want to use your equipment. I don’t need you.
Hastings snaps his fingers, and two burly men come out and stand on either side of Travis.
Pierce: Oh, I get it. I’ll see myself out.
Travis grabs himself by the front of the shirt and yanks himself out of his seat. He takes one step, but one of the burly men grabs him by the arm.
Pierce: What? Oh, come on…
Hastings: These guys have one job around here, we’ve got to let them do it.
The other burly man takes a pair of odd heavy looking socks out and smacks Travis in the back of the head with them. He slumps back into the chair, and the two burly men pick up the chair, Travis and all, and carry it off-set. They return with the throne, and Donovan walks around the table and takes a seat in it. He looks directly at the camera.
Hastings: Hello there…
x2
