Post by Lord Hastings on Feb 11, 2011 17:54:57 GMT -5
Our scene opens in the church formally populated by Ezekiel Pax. The cross in the front of the church has been replaced with a giant poster of Donovan Hastings holding up the World Heavyweight Championship. In front of it sits the vacant throne. There is a murmur in the crowd as they look through their booklets, but all falls silent as Owen Peterson steps up to the podium.
Peterson: Dat entrance song will be Da Ripper, found on page two o' yo' booklet, brace yourself foo'!
The crowd uses their booklets to follow along and awkwardly sing the refrain from “The Ripper” as Donovan walks down the aisle, his cloak flowing behind him. He steps up to the podium as Owen takes a seat next to Calypso in the front row pew.
Hastings: In the name of the Lord, the Hastings, and the Chief Nigga.
Crowd: Amen.
Hastings: The grace of the Lord of Pain, and the love of Hastings and the fellowship of the Chief Nigga be with you all.
Crowd: And also with you.
Hastings: As we prepare to celebrate the mystery of the glory of Hastings, let us acknowledge your status as the peasantry, and ask your Lord for pardon and strength.
Crowd: I confess to almighty Hastings, and to you, my brothers and sisters, that I am a peasant through my own fault, in my thoughts and in my words, in what I have done, and in what I have failed to do; and I ask blessed Calypso, even hottie, all the niglets and niglettes, and you, my brothers and sisters, to pray for me to the Lord of Pain.
Hastings: May I have mercy on you, forgive you your sins, and get you a ticket to Infinity, somewhere towards the back.
Crowd: Amen.
Hastings: Lord, have mercy.
Crowd: Lord have mercy.
Hastings: Hastings, have mercy.
Crowd: Hastings have mercy.
Hastings: Lord, have mercy.
Crowd: Lord have mercy.
Hastings: Glory to Hastings in the highest.
Crowd: And pain to his people on earth. Lord Hastings, Lord of the Ring, almighty Lord of Pain, we worship you, we give you thanks, we praise you for your glory. Lord of Pain, only Chief Nigga, Lord Hastings, really great guy, you take away the dullness of the world, have mercy on us. You are seated on a glorious throne, receive our prayer. For you alone are the Immortal One, you alone are the Lord, you alone are the most high, Lord of Pain, as the Chief Nigga, in the glory of all that’s good, amen.
Hastings: I have made this glorious night radient, with the splendor of the Lord of Pain as your light. You welcome me as the Lord, the true light of the world. Bring us to eternal joy in the center of the ring, where I live and reign forever and ever.
Crowd: Amen.
Donovan goes to the throne and is seated as Calypso comes up to the podium.
Calypso: A reading from the Book of the Prophet Donovan. The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; upon those who dwelt in the land of gloom a light has shone. I have brought them abundant joy and great rejoicing as people make merry when dividing spoils. For the yoke that burdened them, the pole on their shoulder, and the rod of their taskmaster, I have smashed, as on the day of Infinity. For every boot that tramped in battle, every cloak rolled in blood, will be burned as fuel for flames. For a Lord is crowned to us, a Lord is given to us, upon his shoulder dominion rests. They name him Lord of Pain, Chief Nigga, the Immortal and true Lord of the Ring. His dominion is vast and forever golden, from his throne over his kingdom which he confirms and sustains by judgement and justice, both now and forever. The zeal of the Lord of the Ring will do this!
She looks up at the crowd.
Calypso: The word of the Lord.
Crowd: Thanks be to Hastings.
Calypso returns to her seat in the front pew, and it is now Owen that comes to the podium.
Peterson: A reading from the text message of the Lord-Chief to his Niglet. Get those damned things printed already.
He looks up at the crowd.
Peterson: The word of the Lord.
Crowd: Thanks be to Hastings.
Owen returns to his seat, and now Donovan returns to the podium himself.
Hastings: Your Lord is with you.
Crowd: Our thanks go to you.
Hastings: A reading from the holy Gospel according to Travis.
Crowd: Glory to you, Lord.
Hastings: Don, the fuck you want a gospel for? The Headliner may not have been around much, but is this some weird way of bringing us closer together? Religion? 'The Headliner' doesn't get it dude, no idea what you want me to write. Good luck at Infinity. T-Rob P.S Next time you send Owen to deliver a message, get him to dress up a little, this is an exclusive block after all.
Donovan looks up at the crowd.
Hastings: The Gospel of the Lord.
Crowd: Praise to you, the Lord of Pain.
Donovan comes out from behind the podium and addresses the crowd from the front of the stage.
Hastings: From our readings today we can take some great lessons. They are especially important as we come to what will be perhaps one of the most important nights in the history of this industry. It was in June of 2001 that the annual event known as the Lord of the Ring tournament first came into being. Six different men have been awarded this honor, but the fact of the matter is that it was created for me. My predecessors all did naught more than to hold the place for me, yet twice I have entered this tournament, and twice I was denied my birthright. Instead, those tournaments were won by Colby Colt and Darius Jermaine. If the present UGWC audience is wondering who these men are, it’s because they were nothing more than pretenders that have been lost to the sands of time. Their careers have ended in pitiful fashion, whereas I have endured.
Donovan paces slowly as he addresses the crowd.
Hastings: Our readings today herald the crowning of the true Lord this coming Monday. They tell us of the reign of this new Lord, MY reign. They remind us of the preparation that is required to undertake such a task. Finally, we saw not only the support which I have, but the confusion inflicted upon even those amongst the greatest of minds, confusion caused surely by the fact that this has taken so long to become reality. Still, it is only fitting that this destiny becomes complete at the event known as Infinity, as the Immortal at last achieves the inevitable.
Donovan returns to the throne, speaking just as he sits down.
Hastings: You believe in one Lord.
Crowd: The Immortal Almighty, maker of pain and suffering, and a brilliant technician in the ring. We believe in one Lord of the Ring, the only true Lord, eternally begotten of the Lord-Chief, Hastings from Hastings, Immortal from Immortal, TWiSTeD Lord from TWiSTeD Lord, begotten, sometimes bored, one in Being with the Lord. Through him all things are more exciting. For us minions and for our salvation, he came down from Connecticut, and became TWiSTeD. By the power of Lord-Chief, he doth bang the hottie Calypso, and became da Man. For our sake he allowed himself to be beaten by Jet Somers. He suffered, slept, and took a powder. Once he is Lord of the Ring he will win the title again, in fulfillment of his destiny. He will cum again in glorious fashion, after a long night with Calypso, and his kingdom will have no end. We believe in the TWiSTeD Lord, the giver of pain, who proceeds from the backstage area to the ring. He has spoken through the Niglet. We look for the fulfillment of destiny, and the dawning of inevitability. Amen.
Hastings: Your Lord is with you.
Crowd: Our thanks go to you.
Hastings: Bow your heads and pray for my blessing.
Crowd: It is right to give you thanks and praise.
Hastings: Let’s go to Infinity.
Crowd: Amen.
Peterson: Dat entrance song will be Da Ripper, found on page two o' yo' booklet, brace yourself foo'!
The crowd uses their booklets to follow along and awkwardly sing the refrain from “The Ripper” as Donovan walks down the aisle, his cloak flowing behind him. He steps up to the podium as Owen takes a seat next to Calypso in the front row pew.
Hastings: In the name of the Lord, the Hastings, and the Chief Nigga.
Crowd: Amen.
Hastings: The grace of the Lord of Pain, and the love of Hastings and the fellowship of the Chief Nigga be with you all.
Crowd: And also with you.
Hastings: As we prepare to celebrate the mystery of the glory of Hastings, let us acknowledge your status as the peasantry, and ask your Lord for pardon and strength.
Crowd: I confess to almighty Hastings, and to you, my brothers and sisters, that I am a peasant through my own fault, in my thoughts and in my words, in what I have done, and in what I have failed to do; and I ask blessed Calypso, even hottie, all the niglets and niglettes, and you, my brothers and sisters, to pray for me to the Lord of Pain.
Hastings: May I have mercy on you, forgive you your sins, and get you a ticket to Infinity, somewhere towards the back.
Crowd: Amen.
Hastings: Lord, have mercy.
Crowd: Lord have mercy.
Hastings: Hastings, have mercy.
Crowd: Hastings have mercy.
Hastings: Lord, have mercy.
Crowd: Lord have mercy.
Hastings: Glory to Hastings in the highest.
Crowd: And pain to his people on earth. Lord Hastings, Lord of the Ring, almighty Lord of Pain, we worship you, we give you thanks, we praise you for your glory. Lord of Pain, only Chief Nigga, Lord Hastings, really great guy, you take away the dullness of the world, have mercy on us. You are seated on a glorious throne, receive our prayer. For you alone are the Immortal One, you alone are the Lord, you alone are the most high, Lord of Pain, as the Chief Nigga, in the glory of all that’s good, amen.
Hastings: I have made this glorious night radient, with the splendor of the Lord of Pain as your light. You welcome me as the Lord, the true light of the world. Bring us to eternal joy in the center of the ring, where I live and reign forever and ever.
Crowd: Amen.
Donovan goes to the throne and is seated as Calypso comes up to the podium.
Calypso: A reading from the Book of the Prophet Donovan. The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; upon those who dwelt in the land of gloom a light has shone. I have brought them abundant joy and great rejoicing as people make merry when dividing spoils. For the yoke that burdened them, the pole on their shoulder, and the rod of their taskmaster, I have smashed, as on the day of Infinity. For every boot that tramped in battle, every cloak rolled in blood, will be burned as fuel for flames. For a Lord is crowned to us, a Lord is given to us, upon his shoulder dominion rests. They name him Lord of Pain, Chief Nigga, the Immortal and true Lord of the Ring. His dominion is vast and forever golden, from his throne over his kingdom which he confirms and sustains by judgement and justice, both now and forever. The zeal of the Lord of the Ring will do this!
She looks up at the crowd.
Calypso: The word of the Lord.
Crowd: Thanks be to Hastings.
Calypso returns to her seat in the front pew, and it is now Owen that comes to the podium.
Peterson: A reading from the text message of the Lord-Chief to his Niglet. Get those damned things printed already.
He looks up at the crowd.
Peterson: The word of the Lord.
Crowd: Thanks be to Hastings.
Owen returns to his seat, and now Donovan returns to the podium himself.
Hastings: Your Lord is with you.
Crowd: Our thanks go to you.
Hastings: A reading from the holy Gospel according to Travis.
Crowd: Glory to you, Lord.
Hastings: Don, the fuck you want a gospel for? The Headliner may not have been around much, but is this some weird way of bringing us closer together? Religion? 'The Headliner' doesn't get it dude, no idea what you want me to write. Good luck at Infinity. T-Rob P.S Next time you send Owen to deliver a message, get him to dress up a little, this is an exclusive block after all.
Donovan looks up at the crowd.
Hastings: The Gospel of the Lord.
Crowd: Praise to you, the Lord of Pain.
Donovan comes out from behind the podium and addresses the crowd from the front of the stage.
Hastings: From our readings today we can take some great lessons. They are especially important as we come to what will be perhaps one of the most important nights in the history of this industry. It was in June of 2001 that the annual event known as the Lord of the Ring tournament first came into being. Six different men have been awarded this honor, but the fact of the matter is that it was created for me. My predecessors all did naught more than to hold the place for me, yet twice I have entered this tournament, and twice I was denied my birthright. Instead, those tournaments were won by Colby Colt and Darius Jermaine. If the present UGWC audience is wondering who these men are, it’s because they were nothing more than pretenders that have been lost to the sands of time. Their careers have ended in pitiful fashion, whereas I have endured.
Donovan paces slowly as he addresses the crowd.
Hastings: Our readings today herald the crowning of the true Lord this coming Monday. They tell us of the reign of this new Lord, MY reign. They remind us of the preparation that is required to undertake such a task. Finally, we saw not only the support which I have, but the confusion inflicted upon even those amongst the greatest of minds, confusion caused surely by the fact that this has taken so long to become reality. Still, it is only fitting that this destiny becomes complete at the event known as Infinity, as the Immortal at last achieves the inevitable.
Donovan returns to the throne, speaking just as he sits down.
Hastings: You believe in one Lord.
Crowd: The Immortal Almighty, maker of pain and suffering, and a brilliant technician in the ring. We believe in one Lord of the Ring, the only true Lord, eternally begotten of the Lord-Chief, Hastings from Hastings, Immortal from Immortal, TWiSTeD Lord from TWiSTeD Lord, begotten, sometimes bored, one in Being with the Lord. Through him all things are more exciting. For us minions and for our salvation, he came down from Connecticut, and became TWiSTeD. By the power of Lord-Chief, he doth bang the hottie Calypso, and became da Man. For our sake he allowed himself to be beaten by Jet Somers. He suffered, slept, and took a powder. Once he is Lord of the Ring he will win the title again, in fulfillment of his destiny. He will cum again in glorious fashion, after a long night with Calypso, and his kingdom will have no end. We believe in the TWiSTeD Lord, the giver of pain, who proceeds from the backstage area to the ring. He has spoken through the Niglet. We look for the fulfillment of destiny, and the dawning of inevitability. Amen.
Hastings: Your Lord is with you.
Crowd: Our thanks go to you.
Hastings: Bow your heads and pray for my blessing.
Crowd: It is right to give you thanks and praise.
Hastings: Let’s go to Infinity.
Crowd: Amen.