TPT: Grape?

[Travis Pierce]

Inside the dressing room of Travis Pierce, Rob Cartwright talks to the host as he sits on a stool, looking into a mirror.

Cartwright: I think we’ve got some good stuff for this week.

Pierce: I read some of it, but go ahead.

Rob goes through some notecards.

Cartwright: Here’s one about a five-hundred year old book found in an attic.

Pierce: Not bad, let’s pair it with something about what we’d find in Tyvola’s beard if anybody went looking.

Cartwright: Let’s see, Flavor Flav’s fried chicken shut down…

Travis spins around on the stool and steps off it.

Pierce: Listen, the focus needs to be on the difference between Tyvola and myself, and how, like others before him, he simply isn’t qualified to be the World Heavyweight Champion. I’m the poster child of the modern Entertainment Professional, and Tyvola is certainly not entertaining, and even a the greatest of spinsters couldn’t portray him as something close to professional.

Cartwright: You want to do a Quiet Moment?

Pierce: Sure, might even take two moments.

Cartwright: Right, and we’ve also got the organ grinder from the circus lined up as your guest, as per your request.

Pierce: Awesome.

Cartwright: I’ll finish getting things set, and I’ll come get you when we’re ready for you.

Pierce: Thanks.

Travis sighs as Cartwright leaves the room.

Pierce: I know, I thought he’d never leave.

He turns around, facing a vacant couch.

Pierce: Well, of course. But he does the best that he can.

He stares at the couch for a moment.

Pierce: I normally save it for when I’m on the air.

He stares at the couch again.

Pierce: Okay, only because it’s you.

Travis closes his eyes for a moment and breaths deeply.

Pierce: Welcome, to The Piercing Truth! My name is Travis Pierce, and I am your host for the evening.

He glances at the couch, and flashes a quick smile.

Pierce: Okay, if you want.

He pivots his body and gets a serious look on his face.

Pierce: The mystery of the identity of an unknown boy that was dead when pulled from the Titanic has been solved. The mystery of how Tyvola is able to tie his own shoes remains unsolved.

Travis laughs.

Pierce: I know, I know, it’s a good one.

His eyes widen.

Pierce: Really, it does?

He blushes and turns away.

Pierce: Gosh, that’s dirty…

He looks back at the couch with a mischievous smile.

Pierce: But in that case…

Travis composes himself.

Pierce: The New York Times, during a retrospective of the magazine Tiger Beat, included spoofed images of the magazine from the Onion, clearly confused by the difference between the Onion and respectable media, like the Times used to be. In a related story, many people are still confused by what an oaf like Tyvola could possibly offer anyone as a World Champion.

He smiles and blushes again for a moment, and takes a suave walk to the couch.

Pierce: Well, to be perfectly honest with you…

He sits down on one side of the couch, gazing where a person would sit next to him.

Pierce: It gets me hot to have you listen to me say it.

Travis glances down at his own knee.

Pierce: What are…

He pulls back a slight bit.

Pierce: Oh, I can’t…we musn’t!

He resists a moment, but it is too much!

Pierce: Oh!!!

Travis closes his eyes and opens his arms as though they were wrapped around a person sitting on his lap. He makes a kissy face, as Robert Ooley walks into the room, a disgusted expression immediately forming on his face.

Ooley: What in blazes are you doing?

Travis nearly falls off the couch.

Pierce: Uh, research.

Ooley: Research?

Pierce: Yeah.

Ooley: Of what?

Pierce: Tyvola.

Ooley stares at him, and after a moment he rubs his forehead.

Ooley: Researching Tyvola.

Pierce: Yeah. Crazy dude like him, he’s got to have an imaginary friend. Who would be his real friend?

Ooley: Came up with this idea yourself, did you?

Pierce: Well, where else would he learn how to read?

Ooley: What the fuck is wrong with you?

Pierce: What?

Ooley: This isn’t another Napoleon’s Revenge Match you’ve got at No Holds Barred. It’s Maniacal Multiple Massacre. I’m not sure you grasp the gravity of the situation.

Pierce: I saw one when I was in LWF. Tables. Ladders. Straightjackets.

Ooley: I suppose you’re just getting in the mood.

Pierce: What do you mean?

Ooley: And don’t forget the bucket and the bat.

Pierce: Can I borrow Louis?

Ooley: Fuck no.

Rob Cartwright leans in through the doorway.

Cartwright: We need you on set in two minutes, Travis.

He disappears.

Ooley: Get your shit together, Pierce. Don’t blow this.

Ooley leaves. Travis sighs and walks towards the door, pausing at it to look back at the couch, a smirk on his face.

Pierce: Catch you later, Tits.

[Sheena Ramone]

damn dude, that was a really interesting take on the use of an imaginary friend. Should hopefully lead to an interesting angle.

[nbk]

That was really refreshing difference to the usual TPT. We got most of the juice from it, but a closer look at Pierce when not on the show. I agree with Enigma when he says that was an interesting take on the imaginary friend, and a great explanation of why he was doing it.

Does Tyvola read though? In fact, who even taught him to speak?

Should be a great Main Event.

['The Cyclone' JK]

The pixies taught him...
I love how everyone this week seems to think that Pierce is a nutjob. It is hilarious

[nbk]

The Pixies?

I guess it would make sense if his first words were the lyrics to 'Where Is My Mind?'

His first words would have been that 'oooooeeeoooooh' bit.

[Alex Kiseragi]

I like how you managed to use the stip but still fit in Travis's usual news related jabs. Smooth.

[Lord Hastings]

Nice to see something different, I believe this is the first time since UGWC began that we didn't actually see the TPT broadcast.

I also really liked the end twist, it makes you reread the post in a different light.

[EZRA]

This was definitely refreshing, bro. Donny hit the nail on the head in saying that reading the end makes you read it again. This was real good, bro.

[Orgabsmic]

Really enjoyable to read, as good as the usual TPT RPs are this one was a refreshing change of pace, seeing Travis in a different element...making out with an imaginary Tits Magoo...Is Johnny the only member ofthe HRD that doesn't want to hug her?

[Jet Somers]

Contrary to the others, I saw the imaginary friend being Tits from the get go, but it lost not one bit of entertainment for it. In my eyes, instead of Pierce coming across as a nutso with an imaginary friend, he was instead playing out a fantasy. Great interpretation of the stip.