Post by Travis Pierce on Jul 12, 2011 9:01:37 GMT -5
The screen is dark, and a voiceover by Rob Cartwright is heard.
Cartwright: This is the true story of a group of Entertainment Professionals chosen for superiority who work together and have their lives taped to find out what happens when life gets…pierced…The Piercing Life.
As the scene opens, it only takes a few moments for the tension to become tangible to the viewer. Robert Ooley paces backwards and forwards across the length of the UGWC Boardroom, trusted bat Louis softly patting the palm of his right hand.
We cut to Travis Pierce, sitting at his Piercing Truth desk, but looking directly at the camera in a close-up.
Pierce: So, things haven’t gone too great the past few weeks. Director Ooley sat us all down for another one of his “inspirational speeches.”
Cut back to the Boardroom, where in front of the UGWC Director of Human Resources sit his dysfunctional family. Standing just beyond the others is Boss Penguin, doing his best to remain close enough to Ooley to maintain he himself as an authority figure, but close enough to the 'Entertainment Professionals' to not alienate himself from their affections. The other members of the HRD line up in front of Ooley, all looking nervous in their own right. Gabrielle can't help but fiddle with her hair, while Johnny Blake stares daggers at his partner Duncan Ryder, who in turn is doing his best to get a good vantage point of Gabby's cleavage whilst not breaking eye contact with the boss. Sat slightly to the side of them all sits the only member of this group to have been called a World Champion looking towards Ooley, but through him, not at him. His focus somewhere in the middle distance for the time being. As each moment passes it is clear the tension is getting to the group, and when Ooley finally stops and turns towards them, you can feel a sharp intake of breath...
Ooley: I...
Cut to the confessional.
Pierce: Oh, here we go…
Cut back to the Boardroom, where Ooley shakes his head, and paces again, obviously rethinking his thoughts, as the group let out a sigh, before he stops again...
Ooley: Well...
Cut to the confessional.
Pierce: Spit it out, already!
Cut back to the Boardroom, where again Ooley stops, shakes his head, this time though he pinches the bridge of his nose and closes his eyes, mentally focusing on bringing the exact right words for this moment, just as any great leader would.
Ooley: Have Alien Clones from another fucking solar system hijacked your brains and replaced them with Kiseragi Virus infected anus'? Or did each and every last cum gargling one of you voluntarily allow Rudo to perform exploratory lobotomies on you? Because Ole' Bob cannot see any other explanation for what happened last night! That was our chance to make a stand, show these fucking dick fluffers what real 'Entertainment Professionals' can do!
Cut to the confessional.
Pierce: He’ll be here all week, folks. Tip your waiters.
Cut back to the Boardroom.
Ooley: You should have been the dominant pack of wolves, ensnaring the disorganised and chaotic prey that had banded together against you! Instead you act like a bunch of tween girls upon discovering their first penis, you ran way as fast as you fucking could. It really was disgraceful.
He turns his attention to Gabrielle, and looks her up and down, and then motions the same way with Louis.
Ooley: Still dressing like the kind of whore that would be refused access to Babylon I see...
Gabrielle: I don't see why I shouldn't look good whislt I entertain the masses, just because I am genetically supe...
Ooley: Blah, Blah, Blah....I'm a pretty woman...Bitch, Bitch, Bitch...People don't take me and my exposed flange seriously...Quack, Quack, Quack...No one shows my animal fondling ass any respect.
Cut to the confessional.
Pierce: She wants me.
Cut back to the Boardroom.
Ooley: For the love of all that is sane woman, can you hear yourself? Do you ever take one minute and just think about what the fuck you are saying? We don't call you Tits because we confuse you with a small bird, it’s because we can't avoid looking at those fucking globe like monstrosities.
Cut to the confessional.
Pierce: You really can’t.
Cut back to the Boardroom.
Ooley: No-one has ever asked you to dress like a mormon, but people might focus on your abilities more if a wardrobe malfuckingfunction wasn't more likely than an incredible piece of skill.
Gabby goes to respond, but Ooley cuts her off swiftly.
Ooley: I just told you to think girl, do you not listen to Ole' Bob? You think you have a decent point, when you've incorporated a fucking lap dancing move into your finisher? Don't say another word, Louis is getting mighty itchy.
Cut to the confessional.
Pierce: You never know, she might like it.
Cut back to the Boardroom, where Ooley turns his attentions to the Thames Valley Hit Squad.
Ooley: Now you two limey faggots, I don't really want to know the ins and outs of your Bert and shitting Ernie-esque relationship, but whatever your problem is, you better have it sorted the fuck out by next week, because if either of you fuck this up, I may be forced into looking for a replacement. All I need is a reliable tag team, and if one of you is undermining that because you think it’s your turn to give, I will kick your ass to the curb quicker than Faint Gust reaches climax.
Cut to the confessional.
Pierce: DAMN, sons! He just ripped you both a new one! And you just sit there and take it!
Cut back to the Boardroom, as Ooley looks to his side at Boss P, who has been nodding in agreement with everything he said.
Ooley: And you’re a useless motherfucker too. You’re meant to be disciplining these shits when they get out of line. Yet when you're not groping Miss Slut USA over there, you're flying of the end of her booty grapes boot.
Boss P: NIGGA YO GOT IT ALL WRONG, 'DESE NIGLETS MEAN NOTHING TO ME YO', I JUST TRYIN' TO WIN 'DERE TRUST SO I CAN BE BETTER PLACED TO STEAR 'DERE ACTIONS IN THE DIRECTIONS YOU...
Boss P is cut short by a swift and speedy swing of Louis, the titanium braces that hold the shattered bat together smacking down on the Penguin and knocking him out.
Cut to the confessional.
Pierce: I think we’ve all wanted to do that at one point or another.
Cut back to the boardroom, where Ooley slowly turns, and looks at Travis, who looks up at him.
Pierce: And now he looks at me, the crown jewel. The piercing truth is that Gabby hasn’t done much beyond look good since we got started, and the Hit Squad has had a record-setting title reign, in terms of most lackluster and boring. Me? I’m the poster boy. I was the World Champion, and after all my piercing fans vote me to face Jet at In Your Hands, I’m going to beat him again just like I beat him back at Day of Reckoning. It’s going to be two championships I take away from him, two championships that I bring to the Department. I’m the beacon of light in this group, I’m the future, and that’s what the rest of them need to be told, right here, right now.
Cut back to the Boardroom, where Ooley just cocks his head to the side and brings a hand up his chin, before he speaks again.
Ooley: And you...well you...you're just…Trevor.
And with that Ooley just turns and walks out of the boardroom, leaving his minions to think over his words. Gabrielle and the TVHS immediately break out into conversation, but Travis remains seated.
Cut back to the confessional, where Travis just quietly lowers his head, and we fade out…
Cartwright: This is the true story of a group of Entertainment Professionals chosen for superiority who work together and have their lives taped to find out what happens when life gets…pierced…The Piercing Life.
As the scene opens, it only takes a few moments for the tension to become tangible to the viewer. Robert Ooley paces backwards and forwards across the length of the UGWC Boardroom, trusted bat Louis softly patting the palm of his right hand.
We cut to Travis Pierce, sitting at his Piercing Truth desk, but looking directly at the camera in a close-up.
Pierce: So, things haven’t gone too great the past few weeks. Director Ooley sat us all down for another one of his “inspirational speeches.”
Cut back to the Boardroom, where in front of the UGWC Director of Human Resources sit his dysfunctional family. Standing just beyond the others is Boss Penguin, doing his best to remain close enough to Ooley to maintain he himself as an authority figure, but close enough to the 'Entertainment Professionals' to not alienate himself from their affections. The other members of the HRD line up in front of Ooley, all looking nervous in their own right. Gabrielle can't help but fiddle with her hair, while Johnny Blake stares daggers at his partner Duncan Ryder, who in turn is doing his best to get a good vantage point of Gabby's cleavage whilst not breaking eye contact with the boss. Sat slightly to the side of them all sits the only member of this group to have been called a World Champion looking towards Ooley, but through him, not at him. His focus somewhere in the middle distance for the time being. As each moment passes it is clear the tension is getting to the group, and when Ooley finally stops and turns towards them, you can feel a sharp intake of breath...
Ooley: I...
Cut to the confessional.
Pierce: Oh, here we go…
Cut back to the Boardroom, where Ooley shakes his head, and paces again, obviously rethinking his thoughts, as the group let out a sigh, before he stops again...
Ooley: Well...
Cut to the confessional.
Pierce: Spit it out, already!
Cut back to the Boardroom, where again Ooley stops, shakes his head, this time though he pinches the bridge of his nose and closes his eyes, mentally focusing on bringing the exact right words for this moment, just as any great leader would.
Ooley: Have Alien Clones from another fucking solar system hijacked your brains and replaced them with Kiseragi Virus infected anus'? Or did each and every last cum gargling one of you voluntarily allow Rudo to perform exploratory lobotomies on you? Because Ole' Bob cannot see any other explanation for what happened last night! That was our chance to make a stand, show these fucking dick fluffers what real 'Entertainment Professionals' can do!
Cut to the confessional.
Pierce: He’ll be here all week, folks. Tip your waiters.
Cut back to the Boardroom.
Ooley: You should have been the dominant pack of wolves, ensnaring the disorganised and chaotic prey that had banded together against you! Instead you act like a bunch of tween girls upon discovering their first penis, you ran way as fast as you fucking could. It really was disgraceful.
He turns his attention to Gabrielle, and looks her up and down, and then motions the same way with Louis.
Ooley: Still dressing like the kind of whore that would be refused access to Babylon I see...
Gabrielle: I don't see why I shouldn't look good whislt I entertain the masses, just because I am genetically supe...
Ooley: Blah, Blah, Blah....I'm a pretty woman...Bitch, Bitch, Bitch...People don't take me and my exposed flange seriously...Quack, Quack, Quack...No one shows my animal fondling ass any respect.
Cut to the confessional.
Pierce: She wants me.
Cut back to the Boardroom.
Ooley: For the love of all that is sane woman, can you hear yourself? Do you ever take one minute and just think about what the fuck you are saying? We don't call you Tits because we confuse you with a small bird, it’s because we can't avoid looking at those fucking globe like monstrosities.
Cut to the confessional.
Pierce: You really can’t.
Cut back to the Boardroom.
Ooley: No-one has ever asked you to dress like a mormon, but people might focus on your abilities more if a wardrobe malfuckingfunction wasn't more likely than an incredible piece of skill.
Gabby goes to respond, but Ooley cuts her off swiftly.
Ooley: I just told you to think girl, do you not listen to Ole' Bob? You think you have a decent point, when you've incorporated a fucking lap dancing move into your finisher? Don't say another word, Louis is getting mighty itchy.
Cut to the confessional.
Pierce: You never know, she might like it.
Cut back to the Boardroom, where Ooley turns his attentions to the Thames Valley Hit Squad.
Ooley: Now you two limey faggots, I don't really want to know the ins and outs of your Bert and shitting Ernie-esque relationship, but whatever your problem is, you better have it sorted the fuck out by next week, because if either of you fuck this up, I may be forced into looking for a replacement. All I need is a reliable tag team, and if one of you is undermining that because you think it’s your turn to give, I will kick your ass to the curb quicker than Faint Gust reaches climax.
Cut to the confessional.
Pierce: DAMN, sons! He just ripped you both a new one! And you just sit there and take it!
Cut back to the Boardroom, as Ooley looks to his side at Boss P, who has been nodding in agreement with everything he said.
Ooley: And you’re a useless motherfucker too. You’re meant to be disciplining these shits when they get out of line. Yet when you're not groping Miss Slut USA over there, you're flying of the end of her booty grapes boot.
Boss P: NIGGA YO GOT IT ALL WRONG, 'DESE NIGLETS MEAN NOTHING TO ME YO', I JUST TRYIN' TO WIN 'DERE TRUST SO I CAN BE BETTER PLACED TO STEAR 'DERE ACTIONS IN THE DIRECTIONS YOU...
Boss P is cut short by a swift and speedy swing of Louis, the titanium braces that hold the shattered bat together smacking down on the Penguin and knocking him out.
Cut to the confessional.
Pierce: I think we’ve all wanted to do that at one point or another.
Cut back to the boardroom, where Ooley slowly turns, and looks at Travis, who looks up at him.
Pierce: And now he looks at me, the crown jewel. The piercing truth is that Gabby hasn’t done much beyond look good since we got started, and the Hit Squad has had a record-setting title reign, in terms of most lackluster and boring. Me? I’m the poster boy. I was the World Champion, and after all my piercing fans vote me to face Jet at In Your Hands, I’m going to beat him again just like I beat him back at Day of Reckoning. It’s going to be two championships I take away from him, two championships that I bring to the Department. I’m the beacon of light in this group, I’m the future, and that’s what the rest of them need to be told, right here, right now.
Cut back to the Boardroom, where Ooley just cocks his head to the side and brings a hand up his chin, before he speaks again.
Ooley: And you...well you...you're just…Trevor.
And with that Ooley just turns and walks out of the boardroom, leaving his minions to think over his words. Gabrielle and the TVHS immediately break out into conversation, but Travis remains seated.
Cut back to the confessional, where Travis just quietly lowers his head, and we fade out…
