Post by brandonbrown on Jul 25, 2009 21:46:12 GMT -5
September 14, 2008
(We see Brandon walking. He has a lot a supplies with him.)
Brandon: I wish my car wouldn’t have broke down. Walking all the way to the Pentagon is going to take all week. It’ll all be worth it though to find this treasure. I’m going to be one rich motherfucker. I can see all the money now. I’ll be swimming in a pool full of cash and gold. Now, I just have to figure out how to get there. I think if I keep going East that I will get there eventually. Why couldn’t I have been told to go on this quest last week so I wouldn’t have to do it before the big match at Battleground. The GHC told me to go on this quest though so I must abide to it. (Brandon sees a town with some people.) Maybe one of these guys will know the way to the Pentagon.
(Brandon walks up the man.)
Brandon: Excuse me, sir. Do you know where the Pentagon is?
(The guy turns around and he is revealed to be a hillbilly.)
Hillbilly: Why you be a asking?
Brandon: I’m looking for treasure.
Hillbilly: I bet you are one of them there terrorists. Aren’t ya?
Brandon: I’m not a terrorist.
Hillbilly: What do you have in that backpack? I bet it be a bomb.
Brandon: A bomb? In here? I don’t think so.
Hillbilly: Give me that.
(The Hillbilly takes away Brandon’s bag.)
Hillbilly: Let’s take a look shall we. What is this gadget? I bet you use this to detonate your bomb.
Brandon: That’s my PSP.
Hillbilly: What’s that stand for? Pentagon Shall Perish. We are on to you, terrorist. Great men like George W. Bush stand to fight against you. We can’t have your kind here.
(The Hillbilly presses a button and an alarm goes off. About twenty hillbillies gather around the first hillbilly.)
Hillbilly: That was our terrorist alarm. Now that we have you cornered, we know we can stop you. Grab him.
(About five hillbillies grab Brandon.)
Hillbilly: Take off his clothes so we can embarrass him in front of the world.
"WHEN I GET HIGH, I GET HIGH ON SPEED!
TOP FUEL FUNNY CAR'S A DRUG FOR ME!
MY HEART! MY HEART!
KICKSTART MY HEART!"
Hillbilly: What the hell?
(Out of nowhere, Motley Crue shows up.)
Hillbilly: Who the hell are these terrorists?
Tommy Lee: We aren’t terrorists but we are friends of Brandon Brown.
Vince Neil: You don’t mess with friends of Motley Crue.
Hillbilly: In case you don’t notice, you guys are outnumbered. We have about a forty milliony for people than you.
Nikki Sixx: It’s actually about sixteen but we’ll give you credit for trying.
Hillbilly: You dare question my math terrorist. That’s it. Everybody attack.
(A brawl erupts between Motley Crue and the Hillbillies.)
Tommy Lee: Brandon, we need your help.
Brandon: Sorry, I was putting my clothes back on.
(Brandon joins the fight with the Crue. Brandon starts superkicking people left and right.)
Brandon: These hillbillies are no match for us.
(The battle is won by Brandon and the Crue. All you see left is hillbillies with guitars and drums smashed over their heads. The head hillbilly is in shock.)
Hillbilly: You monsters. Those were my best men. You all must be from another planet.
(Brandon grabs the head hillbilly.)
Brandon: I’m only going to say this once. Give me back my PSP, asshole.
Hillbilly: Certainly.
(Brandon takes back his PSP and for the hell of it, he Superkicks the head hillbilly.)
Brandon: Bastard. This is my entertainment. Motley Crue, how have you guys been doing?
Vince Neil: Great man. We see you have run into a rough slide lately.
Brandon: Yeah, but I’ll fight back from it. I always fight back.
Nikki Sixx: That’s a good attitude if you want to make it back to the top.
Brandon: Maybe one of these days, Motley Crue will be back on top of the charts.
Tommy Lee: Not likely, but we can dream.
Brandon: Do you guys by chance know which way the Pentagon is?
Mick Mars: That way.
Brandon: Wow, it’s very rare for Mick Mars to talk. Thanks. Hopefully I will see you guys again sometime.
Vince Neil: Hopefully.
(End of Day 1.)
GHC: Brandon, you need to concentrate on your opponents at Battleground.
Brandon: But there are five of theme.
GHC: Go through them one at a time.
Brandon: Who shall I start with?
GHC: How about your partner from last week?
Brandon: Alex Kiseragi. I don’t really know much about him.
GHC: You will have to learn. You will need to know his strengths and weaknesses.
Brandon: Will you help?
GHC: As you wish. Kiseragi is gifted in Martial Arts. Something you are not.
Brandon: How do I train against his Martial Arts and Karate style?
GHC: It will be tough but watching tapes will help. Kiseragi is a man who fights with honor. Try showing him some respect in the ring. This man will use his speed, high flying ability, and he will more than likely use his educated feet.
Brandon: Yes, his feet are his two most dangerous weapons. His Dragon Tail and his Yari kick are both lethal but they can both be countered.
GHC: You are learning fast. Kiseragi is a dark horse in this match. Watch out for him. Just a little bit of hesitation and he can beat you.
Brandon: I’m going to have to be on my toes. I guess I’m going to have to be a Dragon Slayer.
September 15, 2008
(Brandon is seen at a club.)
Brandon: I’m getting nowhere on this quest. The Pentagon is probably still a billion miles from here. This treasure better be damn good. This is a pretty nice club. I just wish I knew what state I was in. I could ask but I don’t want to bother anybody. They also might think I’m a terrorist.
?: Hey, there.
(Brandon looks over at the guy.)
Brandon: Hey, Michael Jackson…..MICHAEL JACKSON!!!
Michael Jackson: I knew you wouldn’t forget about me. Why you look so much stronger than the last time I saw you. I hear that you have been down recently. Maybe I can cheer you up.
Brandon: No thanks. I’m fine.
Michael Jackson: I never saw you try my Thriller move. You know the Moonwalk into a backflip.
Brandon: I never tried that. Are you sure?
Michael Jackson: I didn’t see it, silly. Why don’t you try it on me?
Brandon: I’ll pass. Waiter. Check.
Michael Jackson: I’ll pay for that and you can come stay with me for the night.
Brandon: No thanks. Check. Waiter, Check.
Michael: You’re being ignorant. I just want to play. Don’t you want to have fun with me.
Brandon: I don’t need any more fun in my life. I have a PSP.
Michael: Pretty Shiny Penis.
Brandon: No. CHECK.
(“Beat It” starts playing in the club.)
Michael: That’s my song.
(Michael starts dancing to his own song.)
Brandon: Unbelievable. Michael, I will try that move.
Michael: Really, show me now.
(Brandon does a little moonwalk and he Superkicks Michael right in the head.)
Waiter: Your check.
Brandon: Thank you.
(End of Day 2)
GHC: Brandon, there are still three other opponents in the match.
Brandon: Give me a name.
GHC: Chris Austin.
Brandon: Ooh. He’s good. Former Hardcore Champion. He helped me learn to be pretty hardcore myself.
GHC: Yes, he knows what it takes to win a match. He will put his body on the line just to win a match.
Brandon: He’s determined to win the big one. I respect him for that.
GHC: He has his weaknesses though.
Brandon: Women.
GHC: I mean wrestling weaknesses.
Brandon: Oh.
GHC: A lot of his moves are reversible. A move like The Second Cumming will be hard to hit so will the flip Pedigree he does.
Brandon: Austin’s Assassination can come out of anywhere though.
GHC: You will have to be ready for that move. There is one move you won’t have to worry about though.
Brandon: What?
GHC: The Mic Check. It’s the worst move ever….ever.
September 16, 2008
(Brandon is seen walking through some woods.)
Brandon: I might as well be in a jungle. Nobody is going to help me on my quest. I guess nobody was supposed to help me but I need help. I could really use some food. Wow. There is a phone booth over there. I would have used my cellphone but I left it at home.
(Brandon walks into the phone booth.)
Brandon: I’ll just dial up Pizza Hut and I’ll wait for them to get here.
(Brandon dials Pizza Hut and asks for his pizza.)
Brandon: I want a large pepperoni pizza. I need it delivered. I’m in the woods. Yes, those woods. You’ll be here in five minutes. Cool. (Hangs up.) These guys work fast. I wonder why there is a phone booth out here.
(Brandon walks out of the phone booth.)
Brandon: It doesn’t seem suspicious.
(Brandon steps back but he walks into a trap. Brandon falls into a deep hole.)
Brandon: Who puts a hole here?
?: That would be me.
Brandon: GARY BUSEY!!! You have my pizza.
Busey: I was the guy on the phone. Why else would there be a phone booth out here? Actually, every phone number in the book was the same.
Brandon: Genius.
Busey: I know. Now, I’ll let you out of here if you tell me where the treasure is in the Pentagon.
Brandon: I’ll never tell you.
Busey: Fine. I’ll eat your pizza then.
Brandon: NOOOOO!!!!!!
Busey: I’ll also make you sit through all of my movies.
Brandon: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Busey: I’ll also tell you about how I’ve been sober for thirteen years.
Brandon: Really?
Busey: Yes, really. You don’t believe me.
Brandon: No.
Busey: No pizza for you then.
Brandon: Okay, I believe you.
Busey: You still don’t get any pizza.
Brandon: Damn.
Busey: This can all end now. Just tell me where the treasure is.
Brandon: Never.
Busey: Then you will suffer the consequences.
(Brandon is now seen watching Gary Busey in Warriors.)
Brandon: It’s so awful. This movie is terrible. I give up. I’ll tell you.
Busey: I knew I could get to you. Tell me where the treasure is.
Brandon: The treasure is in the basement of the Pentagon.
Busey: The basement? That seems kind of simple.
Brandon: Your shoe is untied.
Busey: Really?
(Busey slips and falls in the hole with Brandon.)
Brandon: I can’t believe you fell for that. Now lift me out of here.
Busey: Alright.
(Busey lifts Brandon out of the hole.)
Busey: You have to help me out now.
Brandon: Sorry. I’m going to take my pizza and leave.
Busey: You can’t do that to me. I’m Gary Busey.
Brandon: Damn it. You’re right. I have to help you.
(Brandon pulls Busey out of the hole.)
Busey: Thanks. Hey, look over there.
(Brandon looks and Busey starts running for his life.)
Busey: Ha, you will never catch me.
(Busey falls into another hole.)
Brandon: How many of these traps did you put out here.
Busey: Sixty-four.
Brandon: I’m going to have to be careful.
Busey: You better help me. I’m Gary Busey.
Brandon: Sorry. I’m not falling for that again. Bye.
(End of Day 3)
GHC: Diamond Jack Severino. He is a cocky young man. He also loves to please his girlfriend.
Brandon: I can’t blame him on that one.
GHC: He is the biggest guy in the match. He will surely use his power to his advantage.
Brandon: His power doesn’t scare me. I’ve been in the ring with some big dudes before.
GHC: He is very well trained in Mixed Martial Arts.
Brandon: That has me worried. I’m not too well trained in defending against that.
GHC: His finishers are avoidable though.
Brandon: A chokeslam and a complete shot. A chokeslam can be countered with a nice kick to the stomach and a complete shot can be countered by moving.
GHC: Moving?
Brandon: Yes. Moving.
GHC: Simple enough. He does have plenty of other moves to watch out for though. Stay on your feet and try to avoid these. Severino has plenty of experience. He’s won titles before.
Brandon: So have I. Severino will be no problem.
September 17, 2008
Brandon: Finally. A city. I must be getting closer to completing my quest. There are some big buildings in this city. The Pentagon can’t be too far from here. I’ll have to ask somebody. I can’t trust these people though. I got it. I’ll ask the guy with the fez hat. Hey, guy with the fez.
(The guy in the fez turns around and it’s Ben Savage of the Savage brothers.)
Brandon: BEN SAVAGE!!!!
(Somebody taps Brandon from behind and it turns out to be Fred Savage.)
Brandon: FRED SAVAGE!!!!
Fred Savage: It’s time that we finally get our revenge.
Brandon: Revenge for what.
Ben Savage: You know exactly what we are talking about. We told you at the wedding. We want revenge for when you drew penises on our faces.
Brandon: Guys, it was just a joke. I didn’t mean it. Now get out of my way so I can continue my quest.
Fred Savage: We can’t let you do that. We will have to fight you to the death.
Brandon: Seriously. You two are both small wimpy guys. I could take both of you down. How did you guys find me anyways?
Ben Savage: We have a tracking device behind your ear.
Brandon: The last place I would have checked. I wonder how Busey and all the other guys found me.
Fred Savage: We have no idea.
Brandon: I guess I have to get through you guys to continue on my quest. Can’t I just have one day in peace.
Ben Savage: What fun would that be?
Brandon: I guess it wouldn’t be very fun. So who wants to be Superkicked first?
Fred Savage: Ben does.
Ben Savage: What?
(Brandon Superkicks Ben Savage.)
Fred Savage: It was all his idea. You should leave me alone.
(Brandon Superkicks Fred Savage.)
Brandon: The things I have to do for this world. At least today’s problem was taken care of quickly.
(End of Day 4)
GHC: Donavan Hastings. A man who wants to be immortal. He wants to be legend.
Brandon: Don’t we all want that.
GHC: Hastings is a little different from the other opponents. He is more of a technical submission style wrestler. The man uses plenty of submission maneuvers.
Brandon: I’ll certainly have to find counters for all of them.
GHC: Lord Hastings is very arrogant and that should help you defeat him.
Brandon: Use his arrogance against him. That’s a good plan.
GHC: You will also have to counter his most devastating attacks. His secondary finisher is called Destiny’s Call. It’s basically a brainbuster.
Brandon: I do a pretty good brainbuster. My knowledge of the move will help me overcome it.
GHC: His primary finisher is called Inevitability.
Brandon: I’ve seen that move before. It will be pretty hard for him to hit me with that move. I’ll be too quick for him. His big muscles will slow him down long enough for me to pop him in the face with a Superkick.
GHC: You really need a catchy name for that.
Brandon: I like being generic.
GHC: Whatever helps you beat him.
Brandon: Yeah. I will beat him though.
September 18, 2008
Brandon: Finally, I am in Arlington County, Virginia. Home of the Pentagon. I don’t think anything can go wrong now.
(A plane starts shooting at Brandon.)
Brandon: What the hell? Why am I always wrong?
(Brandon runs for his life while the plane chases him.)
Brandon: STOP SHOOTING! I DON’T WANT THE TREASURE!!
Person in the Plane: Treasure? What treasure?
Brandon: The treasure in the Pentagon.
Person in the Plane: There is way for me to become even more rich.
Brandon: Yes. Wait. Who are you?
(Brandon looks on the plane’s side. The side of the plane says Harpo Airplanes.)
Brandon: Harpo? That could mean only one person. OPRAH!!!
(Oprah jumps out of the plane and lands in front of Brandon.)
Oprah: I haven’t forgot the time you Superkicked me.
Brandon: You had it coming.
Oprah: I’m rich. I don’t have anything coming to me. I will now destroy you, poor boy.
Brandon: With what?
Oprah: MY ROLEX!!
(Oprah smacks Brandon in the face with her Rolex watch.)
Brandon: Ouch. That hurt.
Oprah: There’s plenty more where that came from. Money can buy you so many cool things. I love money.
Brandon: Is that all you care about? Caring about something like money is stupid. I would never care about something that much. Wait a second.
Oprah: Shut up. Money is the only thing that matters to this world.
Brandon: You’re one crazy bitch. I think I have met my match.
Oprah: Nothing can match me.
Brandon: There is a way to stop you. Isn’t that right, Mr. Benjamin?
(Brandon pulls a one hundred dollar bill out of his pocket.)
Oprah: Money. Give me the money.
(Brandon pulls out a match. Brandon then proceeds to burn the one hundred dollar bill.)
Oprah: What are you doing? You can’t burn money. I will stop you.
(Oprah runs at Brandon but she runs right into a Superkick.)
Brandon: Bitch didn’t even realize it was Monopoly money. It’s been a long day. I’m going to sleep. Tomorrow is the big day.
(End of Day 5)
GHC: The Hardcore Champion. Randy Boolzian.
Brandon: The man loves his Red Bull. It gives him wings.
GHC: Boolz is a speed guy. He likes to use high risk moves.
Brandon: He’s kind of like me in that department. Maybe we should just steal his Red Bull. I’m sure that would weaken him.
GHC: Probably. He probably has plenty of Red Bull around though.
Brandon: More than likely. We know he is hardcore. He beat Chris Austin for the Hardcore title. He’s the only person who has done that.
GHC: Very true. You have been trained to wrestle hardcore though. You can match him in the art of hardcore.
Brandon: I sure hope so.
GHC: The man has plenty of great signature moves that you will have to avoid.
Brandon: It’s going to be tough. I’ll just have to watch out for his main two moves.
GHC: You’ll have to watch out for his Stargazer technique.
Brandon: I sure will. That move is tricky to do though. One mistake and he is finished.
GHC: I would say his DiscomBoolzalator move will be hard to escape.
Brandon: That move hurts by the way. It’s pretty damn effective. I’ll definitely have to watch out for it.
GHC: Do you now know what you are up against at Battleground?
Brandon: Yes, I do.
GHC: Then this is the last time I will speak to you.
Brandon: What? You’re leaving.
GHC: I must. You are better off without me.
September 19, 2008
Brandon: I’m finally here. The Pentagon. How am I going to get in?
(Brandon walks into the door and heads in.)
Brandon: This is pretty easy so far. I need to look at a map. (looks at map) It says the basement is over here. Wow, I’m standing right next to the entrance. The door won’t open though. It says I need to type in a password. What would be a good password for the Pentagon? I know. Pentagon. Nobody would ever think that the password to the Pentagon would be Pentagon.
(Brandon types Pentagon and the door opens.)
Brandon: Brandon, you are a genius. Wow, this place is nice. Hey, they have videos down here. Who really killed President Kennedy, The Secret of Donald Trump’s Hair, and The Best of Brandon McSkinny. Not a bad collection.
(Two aliens walk by Brandon.)
Brandon: Do you two know where the treasure is?
Alien: Down the hall and to the left.
Brandon: Thanks. Wow, I can’t believe I’m so close.
(Brandon heads down the hall and to the left. He sees a room and he goes in.)
Brandon: That sign says the treasure is in that box. I have to open it.
?: Stop right there.
(Brandon turns around and he sees Nicholas Cage with a gun.
Nicholas Cage: You’re standing in front of the greatest treasure ever. I must have it.
Brandon: I won’t let you have this treasure.
Nicholas Cage: I’ll just have to shoot you then.
Brandon: Okay, you can have it. Just drop the gun.
Nicholas Cage: Okay. You said I could have the treasure. I guess I will drop the gun.
(Nick Cage drops the gun and walks towards Brandon.)
Brandon: You’re dumb.
(Brandon punches Cage in the face.)
Nicholas Cage: You shouldn’t have done that. I bet you have never been in a Nicholas Cage Match before. Only one man has ever one and that’s Nicholas Cage.
(Cage throws a punch at Brandon and the two start trading haymakers.)
Nicholas Cage: Nothing can stop me from getting the treasure.
(Brandon goes for the Superkick but Cage blocks him.)
Nicholas Cage: I’ve seen your tricks. I know how to counter you. I know all of your weaknesses.
Brandon: Damn.
(Cage kicks Brandon to the ground but Brandon lands by Cage’s gun.)
Brandon: I have your gun. It is over now. I will now open the treasure in front of you. You will cry.
Nicholas Cage: (Sobbing) You are heartless.
Brandon: I know. Let’s see what kind of treasure this is.
(Brandon opens the box and he sees a giant mirror. In that mirror, he sees a reflection of himself.)
Brandon: There is no gold and money here. It’s just a mirror. All I see is myself.
Nicholas Cage: Where is the treasure?
Brandon: Shut up. I got it. Maybe the GHC wanted me to look inside this mirror and find myself. By finding myself, I will be able to win the Battleground Match. Wow, that belt sure is smart. I better go.
(Brandon walks out of the room.)
Nicholas Cage: There has to be treasure in here somewhere.
(Elvis and Tupac walk in.)
Elvis: What are you doing here?
Nicholas Cage: I’m going crazy. I need my treasure.
(Tupac knocks out Nicholas Cage.)
Elvis: Thank you very much.
(End of Day 6)
Brandon: I’ve been searching for this treasure all week. When I got there, the only thing I saw was myself. I was sent on this quest to find the true Brandon Brown. Not the crazy one who thinks belts can talk. Now I will step into this Battleground Cage Match with five other guys. None of us will know what to expect. We don’t know what a Battleground Cage Match even is. We just know that once we step into the ring. It’s every man for himself. There are no friends. There are no allies. Six men will fight till nobody can continue. The last man standing will be the winner. That person will be one step closer to becoming the Global Heavyweight Champion. I’ve done it before and I would like to do it again. I can win this Battleground Cage Match. I’ve already won a Nicholas Cage Match. I’ll see everybody at Battleground.
(We see Brandon walking. He has a lot a supplies with him.)
Brandon: I wish my car wouldn’t have broke down. Walking all the way to the Pentagon is going to take all week. It’ll all be worth it though to find this treasure. I’m going to be one rich motherfucker. I can see all the money now. I’ll be swimming in a pool full of cash and gold. Now, I just have to figure out how to get there. I think if I keep going East that I will get there eventually. Why couldn’t I have been told to go on this quest last week so I wouldn’t have to do it before the big match at Battleground. The GHC told me to go on this quest though so I must abide to it. (Brandon sees a town with some people.) Maybe one of these guys will know the way to the Pentagon.
(Brandon walks up the man.)
Brandon: Excuse me, sir. Do you know where the Pentagon is?
(The guy turns around and he is revealed to be a hillbilly.)
Hillbilly: Why you be a asking?
Brandon: I’m looking for treasure.
Hillbilly: I bet you are one of them there terrorists. Aren’t ya?
Brandon: I’m not a terrorist.
Hillbilly: What do you have in that backpack? I bet it be a bomb.
Brandon: A bomb? In here? I don’t think so.
Hillbilly: Give me that.
(The Hillbilly takes away Brandon’s bag.)
Hillbilly: Let’s take a look shall we. What is this gadget? I bet you use this to detonate your bomb.
Brandon: That’s my PSP.
Hillbilly: What’s that stand for? Pentagon Shall Perish. We are on to you, terrorist. Great men like George W. Bush stand to fight against you. We can’t have your kind here.
(The Hillbilly presses a button and an alarm goes off. About twenty hillbillies gather around the first hillbilly.)
Hillbilly: That was our terrorist alarm. Now that we have you cornered, we know we can stop you. Grab him.
(About five hillbillies grab Brandon.)
Hillbilly: Take off his clothes so we can embarrass him in front of the world.
"WHEN I GET HIGH, I GET HIGH ON SPEED!
TOP FUEL FUNNY CAR'S A DRUG FOR ME!
MY HEART! MY HEART!
KICKSTART MY HEART!"
Hillbilly: What the hell?
(Out of nowhere, Motley Crue shows up.)
Hillbilly: Who the hell are these terrorists?
Tommy Lee: We aren’t terrorists but we are friends of Brandon Brown.
Vince Neil: You don’t mess with friends of Motley Crue.
Hillbilly: In case you don’t notice, you guys are outnumbered. We have about a forty milliony for people than you.
Nikki Sixx: It’s actually about sixteen but we’ll give you credit for trying.
Hillbilly: You dare question my math terrorist. That’s it. Everybody attack.
(A brawl erupts between Motley Crue and the Hillbillies.)
Tommy Lee: Brandon, we need your help.
Brandon: Sorry, I was putting my clothes back on.
(Brandon joins the fight with the Crue. Brandon starts superkicking people left and right.)
Brandon: These hillbillies are no match for us.
(The battle is won by Brandon and the Crue. All you see left is hillbillies with guitars and drums smashed over their heads. The head hillbilly is in shock.)
Hillbilly: You monsters. Those were my best men. You all must be from another planet.
(Brandon grabs the head hillbilly.)
Brandon: I’m only going to say this once. Give me back my PSP, asshole.
Hillbilly: Certainly.
(Brandon takes back his PSP and for the hell of it, he Superkicks the head hillbilly.)
Brandon: Bastard. This is my entertainment. Motley Crue, how have you guys been doing?
Vince Neil: Great man. We see you have run into a rough slide lately.
Brandon: Yeah, but I’ll fight back from it. I always fight back.
Nikki Sixx: That’s a good attitude if you want to make it back to the top.
Brandon: Maybe one of these days, Motley Crue will be back on top of the charts.
Tommy Lee: Not likely, but we can dream.
Brandon: Do you guys by chance know which way the Pentagon is?
Mick Mars: That way.
Brandon: Wow, it’s very rare for Mick Mars to talk. Thanks. Hopefully I will see you guys again sometime.
Vince Neil: Hopefully.
(End of Day 1.)
GHC: Brandon, you need to concentrate on your opponents at Battleground.
Brandon: But there are five of theme.
GHC: Go through them one at a time.
Brandon: Who shall I start with?
GHC: How about your partner from last week?
Brandon: Alex Kiseragi. I don’t really know much about him.
GHC: You will have to learn. You will need to know his strengths and weaknesses.
Brandon: Will you help?
GHC: As you wish. Kiseragi is gifted in Martial Arts. Something you are not.
Brandon: How do I train against his Martial Arts and Karate style?
GHC: It will be tough but watching tapes will help. Kiseragi is a man who fights with honor. Try showing him some respect in the ring. This man will use his speed, high flying ability, and he will more than likely use his educated feet.
Brandon: Yes, his feet are his two most dangerous weapons. His Dragon Tail and his Yari kick are both lethal but they can both be countered.
GHC: You are learning fast. Kiseragi is a dark horse in this match. Watch out for him. Just a little bit of hesitation and he can beat you.
Brandon: I’m going to have to be on my toes. I guess I’m going to have to be a Dragon Slayer.
September 15, 2008
(Brandon is seen at a club.)
Brandon: I’m getting nowhere on this quest. The Pentagon is probably still a billion miles from here. This treasure better be damn good. This is a pretty nice club. I just wish I knew what state I was in. I could ask but I don’t want to bother anybody. They also might think I’m a terrorist.
?: Hey, there.
(Brandon looks over at the guy.)
Brandon: Hey, Michael Jackson…..MICHAEL JACKSON!!!
Michael Jackson: I knew you wouldn’t forget about me. Why you look so much stronger than the last time I saw you. I hear that you have been down recently. Maybe I can cheer you up.
Brandon: No thanks. I’m fine.
Michael Jackson: I never saw you try my Thriller move. You know the Moonwalk into a backflip.
Brandon: I never tried that. Are you sure?
Michael Jackson: I didn’t see it, silly. Why don’t you try it on me?
Brandon: I’ll pass. Waiter. Check.
Michael Jackson: I’ll pay for that and you can come stay with me for the night.
Brandon: No thanks. Check. Waiter, Check.
Michael: You’re being ignorant. I just want to play. Don’t you want to have fun with me.
Brandon: I don’t need any more fun in my life. I have a PSP.
Michael: Pretty Shiny Penis.
Brandon: No. CHECK.
(“Beat It” starts playing in the club.)
Michael: That’s my song.
(Michael starts dancing to his own song.)
Brandon: Unbelievable. Michael, I will try that move.
Michael: Really, show me now.
(Brandon does a little moonwalk and he Superkicks Michael right in the head.)
Waiter: Your check.
Brandon: Thank you.
(End of Day 2)
GHC: Brandon, there are still three other opponents in the match.
Brandon: Give me a name.
GHC: Chris Austin.
Brandon: Ooh. He’s good. Former Hardcore Champion. He helped me learn to be pretty hardcore myself.
GHC: Yes, he knows what it takes to win a match. He will put his body on the line just to win a match.
Brandon: He’s determined to win the big one. I respect him for that.
GHC: He has his weaknesses though.
Brandon: Women.
GHC: I mean wrestling weaknesses.
Brandon: Oh.
GHC: A lot of his moves are reversible. A move like The Second Cumming will be hard to hit so will the flip Pedigree he does.
Brandon: Austin’s Assassination can come out of anywhere though.
GHC: You will have to be ready for that move. There is one move you won’t have to worry about though.
Brandon: What?
GHC: The Mic Check. It’s the worst move ever….ever.
September 16, 2008
(Brandon is seen walking through some woods.)
Brandon: I might as well be in a jungle. Nobody is going to help me on my quest. I guess nobody was supposed to help me but I need help. I could really use some food. Wow. There is a phone booth over there. I would have used my cellphone but I left it at home.
(Brandon walks into the phone booth.)
Brandon: I’ll just dial up Pizza Hut and I’ll wait for them to get here.
(Brandon dials Pizza Hut and asks for his pizza.)
Brandon: I want a large pepperoni pizza. I need it delivered. I’m in the woods. Yes, those woods. You’ll be here in five minutes. Cool. (Hangs up.) These guys work fast. I wonder why there is a phone booth out here.
(Brandon walks out of the phone booth.)
Brandon: It doesn’t seem suspicious.
(Brandon steps back but he walks into a trap. Brandon falls into a deep hole.)
Brandon: Who puts a hole here?
?: That would be me.
Brandon: GARY BUSEY!!! You have my pizza.
Busey: I was the guy on the phone. Why else would there be a phone booth out here? Actually, every phone number in the book was the same.
Brandon: Genius.
Busey: I know. Now, I’ll let you out of here if you tell me where the treasure is in the Pentagon.
Brandon: I’ll never tell you.
Busey: Fine. I’ll eat your pizza then.
Brandon: NOOOOO!!!!!!
Busey: I’ll also make you sit through all of my movies.
Brandon: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Busey: I’ll also tell you about how I’ve been sober for thirteen years.
Brandon: Really?
Busey: Yes, really. You don’t believe me.
Brandon: No.
Busey: No pizza for you then.
Brandon: Okay, I believe you.
Busey: You still don’t get any pizza.
Brandon: Damn.
Busey: This can all end now. Just tell me where the treasure is.
Brandon: Never.
Busey: Then you will suffer the consequences.
(Brandon is now seen watching Gary Busey in Warriors.)
Brandon: It’s so awful. This movie is terrible. I give up. I’ll tell you.
Busey: I knew I could get to you. Tell me where the treasure is.
Brandon: The treasure is in the basement of the Pentagon.
Busey: The basement? That seems kind of simple.
Brandon: Your shoe is untied.
Busey: Really?
(Busey slips and falls in the hole with Brandon.)
Brandon: I can’t believe you fell for that. Now lift me out of here.
Busey: Alright.
(Busey lifts Brandon out of the hole.)
Busey: You have to help me out now.
Brandon: Sorry. I’m going to take my pizza and leave.
Busey: You can’t do that to me. I’m Gary Busey.
Brandon: Damn it. You’re right. I have to help you.
(Brandon pulls Busey out of the hole.)
Busey: Thanks. Hey, look over there.
(Brandon looks and Busey starts running for his life.)
Busey: Ha, you will never catch me.
(Busey falls into another hole.)
Brandon: How many of these traps did you put out here.
Busey: Sixty-four.
Brandon: I’m going to have to be careful.
Busey: You better help me. I’m Gary Busey.
Brandon: Sorry. I’m not falling for that again. Bye.
(End of Day 3)
GHC: Diamond Jack Severino. He is a cocky young man. He also loves to please his girlfriend.
Brandon: I can’t blame him on that one.
GHC: He is the biggest guy in the match. He will surely use his power to his advantage.
Brandon: His power doesn’t scare me. I’ve been in the ring with some big dudes before.
GHC: He is very well trained in Mixed Martial Arts.
Brandon: That has me worried. I’m not too well trained in defending against that.
GHC: His finishers are avoidable though.
Brandon: A chokeslam and a complete shot. A chokeslam can be countered with a nice kick to the stomach and a complete shot can be countered by moving.
GHC: Moving?
Brandon: Yes. Moving.
GHC: Simple enough. He does have plenty of other moves to watch out for though. Stay on your feet and try to avoid these. Severino has plenty of experience. He’s won titles before.
Brandon: So have I. Severino will be no problem.
September 17, 2008
Brandon: Finally. A city. I must be getting closer to completing my quest. There are some big buildings in this city. The Pentagon can’t be too far from here. I’ll have to ask somebody. I can’t trust these people though. I got it. I’ll ask the guy with the fez hat. Hey, guy with the fez.
(The guy in the fez turns around and it’s Ben Savage of the Savage brothers.)
Brandon: BEN SAVAGE!!!!
(Somebody taps Brandon from behind and it turns out to be Fred Savage.)
Brandon: FRED SAVAGE!!!!
Fred Savage: It’s time that we finally get our revenge.
Brandon: Revenge for what.
Ben Savage: You know exactly what we are talking about. We told you at the wedding. We want revenge for when you drew penises on our faces.
Brandon: Guys, it was just a joke. I didn’t mean it. Now get out of my way so I can continue my quest.
Fred Savage: We can’t let you do that. We will have to fight you to the death.
Brandon: Seriously. You two are both small wimpy guys. I could take both of you down. How did you guys find me anyways?
Ben Savage: We have a tracking device behind your ear.
Brandon: The last place I would have checked. I wonder how Busey and all the other guys found me.
Fred Savage: We have no idea.
Brandon: I guess I have to get through you guys to continue on my quest. Can’t I just have one day in peace.
Ben Savage: What fun would that be?
Brandon: I guess it wouldn’t be very fun. So who wants to be Superkicked first?
Fred Savage: Ben does.
Ben Savage: What?
(Brandon Superkicks Ben Savage.)
Fred Savage: It was all his idea. You should leave me alone.
(Brandon Superkicks Fred Savage.)
Brandon: The things I have to do for this world. At least today’s problem was taken care of quickly.
(End of Day 4)
GHC: Donavan Hastings. A man who wants to be immortal. He wants to be legend.
Brandon: Don’t we all want that.
GHC: Hastings is a little different from the other opponents. He is more of a technical submission style wrestler. The man uses plenty of submission maneuvers.
Brandon: I’ll certainly have to find counters for all of them.
GHC: Lord Hastings is very arrogant and that should help you defeat him.
Brandon: Use his arrogance against him. That’s a good plan.
GHC: You will also have to counter his most devastating attacks. His secondary finisher is called Destiny’s Call. It’s basically a brainbuster.
Brandon: I do a pretty good brainbuster. My knowledge of the move will help me overcome it.
GHC: His primary finisher is called Inevitability.
Brandon: I’ve seen that move before. It will be pretty hard for him to hit me with that move. I’ll be too quick for him. His big muscles will slow him down long enough for me to pop him in the face with a Superkick.
GHC: You really need a catchy name for that.
Brandon: I like being generic.
GHC: Whatever helps you beat him.
Brandon: Yeah. I will beat him though.
September 18, 2008
Brandon: Finally, I am in Arlington County, Virginia. Home of the Pentagon. I don’t think anything can go wrong now.
(A plane starts shooting at Brandon.)
Brandon: What the hell? Why am I always wrong?
(Brandon runs for his life while the plane chases him.)
Brandon: STOP SHOOTING! I DON’T WANT THE TREASURE!!
Person in the Plane: Treasure? What treasure?
Brandon: The treasure in the Pentagon.
Person in the Plane: There is way for me to become even more rich.
Brandon: Yes. Wait. Who are you?
(Brandon looks on the plane’s side. The side of the plane says Harpo Airplanes.)
Brandon: Harpo? That could mean only one person. OPRAH!!!
(Oprah jumps out of the plane and lands in front of Brandon.)
Oprah: I haven’t forgot the time you Superkicked me.
Brandon: You had it coming.
Oprah: I’m rich. I don’t have anything coming to me. I will now destroy you, poor boy.
Brandon: With what?
Oprah: MY ROLEX!!
(Oprah smacks Brandon in the face with her Rolex watch.)
Brandon: Ouch. That hurt.
Oprah: There’s plenty more where that came from. Money can buy you so many cool things. I love money.
Brandon: Is that all you care about? Caring about something like money is stupid. I would never care about something that much. Wait a second.
Oprah: Shut up. Money is the only thing that matters to this world.
Brandon: You’re one crazy bitch. I think I have met my match.
Oprah: Nothing can match me.
Brandon: There is a way to stop you. Isn’t that right, Mr. Benjamin?
(Brandon pulls a one hundred dollar bill out of his pocket.)
Oprah: Money. Give me the money.
(Brandon pulls out a match. Brandon then proceeds to burn the one hundred dollar bill.)
Oprah: What are you doing? You can’t burn money. I will stop you.
(Oprah runs at Brandon but she runs right into a Superkick.)
Brandon: Bitch didn’t even realize it was Monopoly money. It’s been a long day. I’m going to sleep. Tomorrow is the big day.
(End of Day 5)
GHC: The Hardcore Champion. Randy Boolzian.
Brandon: The man loves his Red Bull. It gives him wings.
GHC: Boolz is a speed guy. He likes to use high risk moves.
Brandon: He’s kind of like me in that department. Maybe we should just steal his Red Bull. I’m sure that would weaken him.
GHC: Probably. He probably has plenty of Red Bull around though.
Brandon: More than likely. We know he is hardcore. He beat Chris Austin for the Hardcore title. He’s the only person who has done that.
GHC: Very true. You have been trained to wrestle hardcore though. You can match him in the art of hardcore.
Brandon: I sure hope so.
GHC: The man has plenty of great signature moves that you will have to avoid.
Brandon: It’s going to be tough. I’ll just have to watch out for his main two moves.
GHC: You’ll have to watch out for his Stargazer technique.
Brandon: I sure will. That move is tricky to do though. One mistake and he is finished.
GHC: I would say his DiscomBoolzalator move will be hard to escape.
Brandon: That move hurts by the way. It’s pretty damn effective. I’ll definitely have to watch out for it.
GHC: Do you now know what you are up against at Battleground?
Brandon: Yes, I do.
GHC: Then this is the last time I will speak to you.
Brandon: What? You’re leaving.
GHC: I must. You are better off without me.
September 19, 2008
Brandon: I’m finally here. The Pentagon. How am I going to get in?
(Brandon walks into the door and heads in.)
Brandon: This is pretty easy so far. I need to look at a map. (looks at map) It says the basement is over here. Wow, I’m standing right next to the entrance. The door won’t open though. It says I need to type in a password. What would be a good password for the Pentagon? I know. Pentagon. Nobody would ever think that the password to the Pentagon would be Pentagon.
(Brandon types Pentagon and the door opens.)
Brandon: Brandon, you are a genius. Wow, this place is nice. Hey, they have videos down here. Who really killed President Kennedy, The Secret of Donald Trump’s Hair, and The Best of Brandon McSkinny. Not a bad collection.
(Two aliens walk by Brandon.)
Brandon: Do you two know where the treasure is?
Alien: Down the hall and to the left.
Brandon: Thanks. Wow, I can’t believe I’m so close.
(Brandon heads down the hall and to the left. He sees a room and he goes in.)
Brandon: That sign says the treasure is in that box. I have to open it.
?: Stop right there.
(Brandon turns around and he sees Nicholas Cage with a gun.
Nicholas Cage: You’re standing in front of the greatest treasure ever. I must have it.
Brandon: I won’t let you have this treasure.
Nicholas Cage: I’ll just have to shoot you then.
Brandon: Okay, you can have it. Just drop the gun.
Nicholas Cage: Okay. You said I could have the treasure. I guess I will drop the gun.
(Nick Cage drops the gun and walks towards Brandon.)
Brandon: You’re dumb.
(Brandon punches Cage in the face.)
Nicholas Cage: You shouldn’t have done that. I bet you have never been in a Nicholas Cage Match before. Only one man has ever one and that’s Nicholas Cage.
(Cage throws a punch at Brandon and the two start trading haymakers.)
Nicholas Cage: Nothing can stop me from getting the treasure.
(Brandon goes for the Superkick but Cage blocks him.)
Nicholas Cage: I’ve seen your tricks. I know how to counter you. I know all of your weaknesses.
Brandon: Damn.
(Cage kicks Brandon to the ground but Brandon lands by Cage’s gun.)
Brandon: I have your gun. It is over now. I will now open the treasure in front of you. You will cry.
Nicholas Cage: (Sobbing) You are heartless.
Brandon: I know. Let’s see what kind of treasure this is.
(Brandon opens the box and he sees a giant mirror. In that mirror, he sees a reflection of himself.)
Brandon: There is no gold and money here. It’s just a mirror. All I see is myself.
Nicholas Cage: Where is the treasure?
Brandon: Shut up. I got it. Maybe the GHC wanted me to look inside this mirror and find myself. By finding myself, I will be able to win the Battleground Match. Wow, that belt sure is smart. I better go.
(Brandon walks out of the room.)
Nicholas Cage: There has to be treasure in here somewhere.
(Elvis and Tupac walk in.)
Elvis: What are you doing here?
Nicholas Cage: I’m going crazy. I need my treasure.
(Tupac knocks out Nicholas Cage.)
Elvis: Thank you very much.
(End of Day 6)
Brandon: I’ve been searching for this treasure all week. When I got there, the only thing I saw was myself. I was sent on this quest to find the true Brandon Brown. Not the crazy one who thinks belts can talk. Now I will step into this Battleground Cage Match with five other guys. None of us will know what to expect. We don’t know what a Battleground Cage Match even is. We just know that once we step into the ring. It’s every man for himself. There are no friends. There are no allies. Six men will fight till nobody can continue. The last man standing will be the winner. That person will be one step closer to becoming the Global Heavyweight Champion. I’ve done it before and I would like to do it again. I can win this Battleground Cage Match. I’ve already won a Nicholas Cage Match. I’ll see everybody at Battleground.