Post by brandonbrown on Jul 25, 2009 22:02:33 GMT -5
(GIW referee Owen Peterson is sitting in a chair in the ring of the GIW arena. This is being done for GIW.com)
I am Owen Peterson. As you may know, I’m not much of a people person. I don’t speak my mind too often but I feel that this is the right time. I think this whole stupid thing started at the August 2nd edition of Sentinel. Hastings fought Andy Savana in that match. Savana did a roll up or something like that and pinned Mr. Hastings. I can’t be blamed for something like that. That wasn’t my fault.
It was the next week where it really all started. The August 9th edition of Sentinel. On that edition, Donavan Hastings was put up against Chris Austin. Sometime during that match, I think Chris Austin caught me with some kind of move that knocked me into the ropes. Unlucky for me, Hastings made a pin attempt during that time. I tried counting the fall but I was still a little weak. I’m not as young as I used to be. So my count was a tad bit slow. Chris Austin made the next pin attempt and I thought if I tried to count faster that I would make up for the slow count. That was stupid thinking on my part. How was I supposed to know that for the next three months, I was going to be tormented by Donavan Hastings.
I think Declan Prescott had fun purposefully assigning me Donavan Hastings matches. It didn’t matter what Hastings match it was, somehow I was always blamed for causing him to lose. I was blamed for his lost at EI8HT, Battleground, and Distant Whispers. It just got ridiculous. The dumbass actually said that if he won the Battlegrounds match that he would face me instead of The Global Heavyweight Champion. I knew the man was nuts at that point.
On the October 11th edition of Sentinel, I actually didn’t have to referee the Donavan Hastings match. I was so happy. The moron would start calling these Peterson Sucks Matches. It didn’t help him much. He was still a loser.
A few weeks ago, I was backstage doing my counting. I was a little off that night. I got Burke to help me on my numbering now. I ran into Boss P that night and he gave me a match at Horizons against Donavan Hastings. I don’t like that decision. It shows that Boss P knows nothing. He is just a stupid penguin. He can’t run a wrestling company. Nobody wants to see a referee get his ass kicked. The crowd will most certainly be chanting “boring” during the whole match.
I don’t deserve to wrestle at this company’s biggest pay per view. I am not a wrestler. I am a simple referee. I count the pin falls. I check for submissions. I count people out. I disqualify people. I don’t wrestle. It’s not in my job description. I could get seriously injured out there. I know Hastings wants me in a hospital. The man had a voodoo doll made against me one time even. I told you he was nuts.
I shouldn’t be wrestling. I should be refereeing. I don’t even have a match to ref. I was replaced by Nicolas Cage of all people. I don’t deserve this. I’m an old guy married guy. I have five kids. I have four grandkids. Those poor little kids don’t want to see their granddad get his ass kicked on pay per view. My wife is worried about my health. She doesn’t want me to get hurt that I know of. I just want this match called off but I know that won’t happen. That penguin is unreasonable. I don’t have proper training to be a wrestler. This match makes me angry. I think I’m going to walk out of this ring now but I know I will have to come right back to this ring on Saturday. It just upsets me. I’ll probably be in the hospital by the time that great Brandon Brown vs. Declan Prescott match happens. I’ve been looking forward to that match the most. I better go train now.
(Some crazy garbage music plays as Hardcore Jolly comes to the ring.)
Hardcore Jolly: You need somebody to train you. I’m your man. You’ll be hardcore in just a few short days.
Peterson: I think I will pass.
Hardcore Jolly: That is not an option. You are coming with me. You will be hardcore.
(Hardcore Jolly grabs Owen Peterson and throws him over the top rope. Jolly gets out of the ring himself and grabs Peterson again. He starts to take Peterson up the ramp and Kickstart My Heart starts playing over the PA system.)
Brandon: Hardcore Jolly? What are you doing here?
Hardcore Jolly: I’m here to train this sissy.
Brandon: Good. I want to see a good match from him. I also want to see him get his ass kicked. He stole my idea sitting in a chair and talking about my opponent.
Peterson: I know I did. I heard you talking about it backstage.
Brandon: That’s right. I do the GIW.com interviews around here. Get out of here.
Peterson: I’m leaving.
(Peterson starts to run but Hardcore Jolly grabs him and drags him out by himself.)
Brandon: I’m glad I don’t train with Hardcore Jolly anymore.
(Brandon rolls himself in the ring and sits in the chair.)
Your favorite GIW superstar is here. It’s Brandon Brown. This Saturday I take on Declan Prescott in the most anticipated match in GIW History. This will be the third time we have faced one on one. He won the first match. I won the second. Now at GIW Horizons, we break the tie. Unless it ends in a draw. That won’t happen though.
This is finally going to be the end of Global Revolution or whatever the hell they are called now. Revolutions have been going on since 615 BC. It’s nothing new. Some revolutions succeed like the American Revolution and others fail like the revolution by that Spartacus guy. This Global Revolution will be just like the Spartacus guy’s revolution. It will fail. I will defeat Declan Prescott at Horizons and Travis Roberts will fail in the Hell in a Cell match.
Declan Prescott and I have had a rivalry for the ages. It has been going on all year. It all started at GIW Infinity in a match to crown the first ever Global Heavyweight Champion. We had an excellent match going until Prescott had to use some underhand tactics to win. I hate Brandon McSkinny by the way. I would have been the first Global Champ if it wasn’t for him. Everything was corrected though a month later. I win the title at Black Axis in a triple threat and this sets up the Last Man Standing Match at No Holds Barred. That match was epic. We killed each other in the ring that night. I didn’t think I would win that one. I did though and I put him in the hospital for two months or something like that. I should have ended his career. I don’t know what I was thinking.
For those two months, I guess I was feuding with his wife. His wife is hot. I still wish she had a hot sister or something. She might not be telling me anything. I do know that bitch got my title taken away for a month and then I won it back in an awesome Stretcher Match. I was having a good time celebrating when Declan Prescott decided to knock me in the head with a sledgehammer. I felt that one for weeks. At In Your Hands, the son of a bitch decided to cost me my title again. They let Komosube win for some reason that I can’t remember.
Prescott stayed out of my business for the most part for the next few months. I failed to win my title back at EI8HT. I lost the Battlegrounds match at Battleground. I earned another title shot though. At Distant Whispers, we had a triple threat Triple Cage match. I was about to win when Declan Prescott decided to show his ugly face. He knocked me right off the top of the cage with his rocket launcher and my dream of becoming a three time champ ended.
Prescott then tried to avoid me. He tried to put himself in the main event of Horizons. Luckily, the new boss had different plans for him. Boss P gave me one more chance to finish off Declan Prescott for good. I got my match against him for Horizons. Nothing will stop me from ending his career. Well, maybe one thing will.
I decided to take a treasure hunt with Komosube, Big B, Shaggy, and Scooby. We also went with a kid named Kevin but he got lost at the airport and was never seen again. We went to Australia to look for Steve Irwin’s treasure. How was I supposed to know what would happen next? We found out Nicolas Cage was there looking for treasure. I wish I had never gone treasure hunting.
Over the next few months, this idiot would follow me around. I was also being followed by Gary Busey but I got rid of him. I thought I got rid of Nicolas Cage but there is no way to get rid of him. He even brought Sean Bean to look for treasure but they quickly turned on each other. Those were an eventful few months. I guess word got out about all of this and GIW management thought it would be cool to make Nicolas Cage the referee for my match at Horizons. Hell, they made him the ref for all of Owen Peterson’s usual matches. I even had to team up in a match with him. I’m so sick and tired of Nicolas Cage. I hate him more than Declan Prescott at this point.
I didn’t think they could make this match any worse but they could. They decided to put Will Smith in the match as an enforcer or something like that. If I didn’t need anymore distractions. I enjoy Will Smith movies but he shouldn’t be anywhere near a wrestling ring. Neither should Nicolas Cage, I don’t enjoy Cage’s movies. He can’t act. Even with all the distractions though, this will be the greatest match in GIW history. I guarantee you guys a show and I will give you that show. I'll see you at Horizons.
I am Owen Peterson. As you may know, I’m not much of a people person. I don’t speak my mind too often but I feel that this is the right time. I think this whole stupid thing started at the August 2nd edition of Sentinel. Hastings fought Andy Savana in that match. Savana did a roll up or something like that and pinned Mr. Hastings. I can’t be blamed for something like that. That wasn’t my fault.
It was the next week where it really all started. The August 9th edition of Sentinel. On that edition, Donavan Hastings was put up against Chris Austin. Sometime during that match, I think Chris Austin caught me with some kind of move that knocked me into the ropes. Unlucky for me, Hastings made a pin attempt during that time. I tried counting the fall but I was still a little weak. I’m not as young as I used to be. So my count was a tad bit slow. Chris Austin made the next pin attempt and I thought if I tried to count faster that I would make up for the slow count. That was stupid thinking on my part. How was I supposed to know that for the next three months, I was going to be tormented by Donavan Hastings.
I think Declan Prescott had fun purposefully assigning me Donavan Hastings matches. It didn’t matter what Hastings match it was, somehow I was always blamed for causing him to lose. I was blamed for his lost at EI8HT, Battleground, and Distant Whispers. It just got ridiculous. The dumbass actually said that if he won the Battlegrounds match that he would face me instead of The Global Heavyweight Champion. I knew the man was nuts at that point.
On the October 11th edition of Sentinel, I actually didn’t have to referee the Donavan Hastings match. I was so happy. The moron would start calling these Peterson Sucks Matches. It didn’t help him much. He was still a loser.
A few weeks ago, I was backstage doing my counting. I was a little off that night. I got Burke to help me on my numbering now. I ran into Boss P that night and he gave me a match at Horizons against Donavan Hastings. I don’t like that decision. It shows that Boss P knows nothing. He is just a stupid penguin. He can’t run a wrestling company. Nobody wants to see a referee get his ass kicked. The crowd will most certainly be chanting “boring” during the whole match.
I don’t deserve to wrestle at this company’s biggest pay per view. I am not a wrestler. I am a simple referee. I count the pin falls. I check for submissions. I count people out. I disqualify people. I don’t wrestle. It’s not in my job description. I could get seriously injured out there. I know Hastings wants me in a hospital. The man had a voodoo doll made against me one time even. I told you he was nuts.
I shouldn’t be wrestling. I should be refereeing. I don’t even have a match to ref. I was replaced by Nicolas Cage of all people. I don’t deserve this. I’m an old guy married guy. I have five kids. I have four grandkids. Those poor little kids don’t want to see their granddad get his ass kicked on pay per view. My wife is worried about my health. She doesn’t want me to get hurt that I know of. I just want this match called off but I know that won’t happen. That penguin is unreasonable. I don’t have proper training to be a wrestler. This match makes me angry. I think I’m going to walk out of this ring now but I know I will have to come right back to this ring on Saturday. It just upsets me. I’ll probably be in the hospital by the time that great Brandon Brown vs. Declan Prescott match happens. I’ve been looking forward to that match the most. I better go train now.
(Some crazy garbage music plays as Hardcore Jolly comes to the ring.)
Hardcore Jolly: You need somebody to train you. I’m your man. You’ll be hardcore in just a few short days.
Peterson: I think I will pass.
Hardcore Jolly: That is not an option. You are coming with me. You will be hardcore.
(Hardcore Jolly grabs Owen Peterson and throws him over the top rope. Jolly gets out of the ring himself and grabs Peterson again. He starts to take Peterson up the ramp and Kickstart My Heart starts playing over the PA system.)
Brandon: Hardcore Jolly? What are you doing here?
Hardcore Jolly: I’m here to train this sissy.
Brandon: Good. I want to see a good match from him. I also want to see him get his ass kicked. He stole my idea sitting in a chair and talking about my opponent.
Peterson: I know I did. I heard you talking about it backstage.
Brandon: That’s right. I do the GIW.com interviews around here. Get out of here.
Peterson: I’m leaving.
(Peterson starts to run but Hardcore Jolly grabs him and drags him out by himself.)
Brandon: I’m glad I don’t train with Hardcore Jolly anymore.
(Brandon rolls himself in the ring and sits in the chair.)
Your favorite GIW superstar is here. It’s Brandon Brown. This Saturday I take on Declan Prescott in the most anticipated match in GIW History. This will be the third time we have faced one on one. He won the first match. I won the second. Now at GIW Horizons, we break the tie. Unless it ends in a draw. That won’t happen though.
This is finally going to be the end of Global Revolution or whatever the hell they are called now. Revolutions have been going on since 615 BC. It’s nothing new. Some revolutions succeed like the American Revolution and others fail like the revolution by that Spartacus guy. This Global Revolution will be just like the Spartacus guy’s revolution. It will fail. I will defeat Declan Prescott at Horizons and Travis Roberts will fail in the Hell in a Cell match.
Declan Prescott and I have had a rivalry for the ages. It has been going on all year. It all started at GIW Infinity in a match to crown the first ever Global Heavyweight Champion. We had an excellent match going until Prescott had to use some underhand tactics to win. I hate Brandon McSkinny by the way. I would have been the first Global Champ if it wasn’t for him. Everything was corrected though a month later. I win the title at Black Axis in a triple threat and this sets up the Last Man Standing Match at No Holds Barred. That match was epic. We killed each other in the ring that night. I didn’t think I would win that one. I did though and I put him in the hospital for two months or something like that. I should have ended his career. I don’t know what I was thinking.
For those two months, I guess I was feuding with his wife. His wife is hot. I still wish she had a hot sister or something. She might not be telling me anything. I do know that bitch got my title taken away for a month and then I won it back in an awesome Stretcher Match. I was having a good time celebrating when Declan Prescott decided to knock me in the head with a sledgehammer. I felt that one for weeks. At In Your Hands, the son of a bitch decided to cost me my title again. They let Komosube win for some reason that I can’t remember.
Prescott stayed out of my business for the most part for the next few months. I failed to win my title back at EI8HT. I lost the Battlegrounds match at Battleground. I earned another title shot though. At Distant Whispers, we had a triple threat Triple Cage match. I was about to win when Declan Prescott decided to show his ugly face. He knocked me right off the top of the cage with his rocket launcher and my dream of becoming a three time champ ended.
Prescott then tried to avoid me. He tried to put himself in the main event of Horizons. Luckily, the new boss had different plans for him. Boss P gave me one more chance to finish off Declan Prescott for good. I got my match against him for Horizons. Nothing will stop me from ending his career. Well, maybe one thing will.
I decided to take a treasure hunt with Komosube, Big B, Shaggy, and Scooby. We also went with a kid named Kevin but he got lost at the airport and was never seen again. We went to Australia to look for Steve Irwin’s treasure. How was I supposed to know what would happen next? We found out Nicolas Cage was there looking for treasure. I wish I had never gone treasure hunting.
Over the next few months, this idiot would follow me around. I was also being followed by Gary Busey but I got rid of him. I thought I got rid of Nicolas Cage but there is no way to get rid of him. He even brought Sean Bean to look for treasure but they quickly turned on each other. Those were an eventful few months. I guess word got out about all of this and GIW management thought it would be cool to make Nicolas Cage the referee for my match at Horizons. Hell, they made him the ref for all of Owen Peterson’s usual matches. I even had to team up in a match with him. I’m so sick and tired of Nicolas Cage. I hate him more than Declan Prescott at this point.
I didn’t think they could make this match any worse but they could. They decided to put Will Smith in the match as an enforcer or something like that. If I didn’t need anymore distractions. I enjoy Will Smith movies but he shouldn’t be anywhere near a wrestling ring. Neither should Nicolas Cage, I don’t enjoy Cage’s movies. He can’t act. Even with all the distractions though, this will be the greatest match in GIW history. I guarantee you guys a show and I will give you that show. I'll see you at Horizons.