Post by Lord Hastings on Oct 15, 2011 18:52:43 GMT -5
Donovan leans against a wall, his arms crossed and his foot tapping.
Hastings: I don't understand keeping any guest waiting, much less when your guest is the Lord, Himself.
Peterson: Perhaps we should file a complaint.
Hastings: Who is "we?" Do you have a mouse in your pocket?
A door next to Donovan opens, and Rob Cartwright pokes his head out.
Cartwright: We're ready for you.
Hastings: Robert, my former neophyte, you really should know better.
Cartwright turns his head away and rolls his eyes.
Cartwright: We're ready for you, Lord Hastings.
Hastings: That's better.
Donovan follows Cartwright through the door onto the set of The Piercing Truth, but halfway to walking to the couch, Donovan stops and turns around.
Hastings: I guess we're going to have to do that again.
Cartwright: I'm sorry?
Hastings: You should be. I don't have time to make multiple entrances, especially when there was nothing wrong with my first one.
Cartwright: No, I mean, I have no idea what you're talking about.
Hastings: That synthesizer you use. Where's my theme music?
Cartwright: Why would we play that?
Hastings: You've done it every other time that I've agreed to come sit for one of these witless interviews.
Cartwright: Uh, no. We don't do that anymore.
Hastings: Lame.
Donovan plops down on the couch.
Hastings: We're talking here about something about which a person has gone to great lengths to make sure it's exactly right, the perfect choice. My entrance music has been carefully selected from a possible list of billions of songs. It's not like I just went on iTunes, typed some random shit into the search, and clicked on the third thing that popped up. My entrance music has been chosen and idealized specifically for me, and should precede me everywhere.
Cartwright: Yeah, we don't do that anymore.
Hastings: Unacceptable. Niglet?
Peterson: I'm ready.
Donovan stands up and walks back to the door. He nods to Owen, and Owen holds up his cell phone and "Ripper" plays out of it as Donovan again walks to the couch and sits down.
Hastings: Much better.
Donovan turns and looks at the empty anchor's chair.
Hastings: Now where the fuck is Pierce?
Cartwright: That's what I'm trying to tell you, we don't do The Piercing Truth anymore.
Hastings: What?
Cartwright: Now we do The Piercing Life.
Donovan stares at Cartwright.
Hastings: That's fucking ridiculous.
Cartwright: You haven't seen it online? It's an entirely reality based format now.
Hastings: Did you just decide this today? After you scheduled me?
Cartwright: Uh, no...we've been doing this for months...
Hastings: Then what the hell am I doing here?
Cartwright: Basically, Travis would like you to comment on some of the recent happenings in UGWC.
Hastings: I'm entirely unimpressed by this.
Cartwright: Can you tell us about your thoughts going into Synergy?
Hastings: Obviously I feel a great swell of sadness and regret for this promotion, as the credibility of Horizons now that a drooling caveman is still the World Heavyweight Champion. Our fans have become accustomed to seeing the Immortal Lord Donovan Hastings in the main event of Horizons and know that they are assured of a main event worthy of their hard-earned dollars. Now I worry for our buy-rate, I truly do.
Cartwright: Perhaps you could share your thoughts on a partnership going into Synergy.
Hastings: Things don't always go as planned, that is for certain. I really thought the BlacKnights was a tremendous concept, I wouldn't have spent purse money on it otherwise. What happened to Abigail Knight, I don't know, to be honest, don't really care. Calypso stepped in, took care of business, saved the day, like she always does. She has been long overdue to wear championship gold around her waist, ever since the Old Bag refused to award her the GIW.com Championship a few years back. Calypso will prove to be as effective a mentor to young Christopher as I have been over these past few months.
Cartwright: Maybe you could share your thoughts on your partnership next week on Synergy.
Hastings: I don't know what we're going to do yet, I'm sure we'll come up with something. Depends, I haven't looked at the card yet.
Cartwright: You're teaming with Travis.
Hastings: Really? That's incredible. There is not a better cooperative partner in this industry than Travis. Not a one. I can't think of anybody I'd rather have at my side. I just can't believe he is coming out of retirement for a random match on Synergy.
Cartwright: Huh? No, Travis Pierce.
Hastings: Oh. Well that sucks.
Cartwright: Against Tyvola and Boss Penguin.
Hastings: How fitting, considering that Danny DiVito looks like a neanderthal with or without his penguin suit. Yet just how I came here today for an interview that didn't happen, perhaps Pierce will find the rug pulled out from under him. Are we done?
Cartwright: Uh, yeah, I guess we can be.
Hastings: Good. Niglet? We go.
Donovan stands up and walks off the set with Owen.
Hastings: I don't understand keeping any guest waiting, much less when your guest is the Lord, Himself.
Peterson: Perhaps we should file a complaint.
Hastings: Who is "we?" Do you have a mouse in your pocket?
A door next to Donovan opens, and Rob Cartwright pokes his head out.
Cartwright: We're ready for you.
Hastings: Robert, my former neophyte, you really should know better.
Cartwright turns his head away and rolls his eyes.
Cartwright: We're ready for you, Lord Hastings.
Hastings: That's better.
Donovan follows Cartwright through the door onto the set of The Piercing Truth, but halfway to walking to the couch, Donovan stops and turns around.
Hastings: I guess we're going to have to do that again.
Cartwright: I'm sorry?
Hastings: You should be. I don't have time to make multiple entrances, especially when there was nothing wrong with my first one.
Cartwright: No, I mean, I have no idea what you're talking about.
Hastings: That synthesizer you use. Where's my theme music?
Cartwright: Why would we play that?
Hastings: You've done it every other time that I've agreed to come sit for one of these witless interviews.
Cartwright: Uh, no. We don't do that anymore.
Hastings: Lame.
Donovan plops down on the couch.
Hastings: We're talking here about something about which a person has gone to great lengths to make sure it's exactly right, the perfect choice. My entrance music has been carefully selected from a possible list of billions of songs. It's not like I just went on iTunes, typed some random shit into the search, and clicked on the third thing that popped up. My entrance music has been chosen and idealized specifically for me, and should precede me everywhere.
Cartwright: Yeah, we don't do that anymore.
Hastings: Unacceptable. Niglet?
Peterson: I'm ready.
Donovan stands up and walks back to the door. He nods to Owen, and Owen holds up his cell phone and "Ripper" plays out of it as Donovan again walks to the couch and sits down.
Hastings: Much better.
Donovan turns and looks at the empty anchor's chair.
Hastings: Now where the fuck is Pierce?
Cartwright: That's what I'm trying to tell you, we don't do The Piercing Truth anymore.
Hastings: What?
Cartwright: Now we do The Piercing Life.
Donovan stares at Cartwright.
Hastings: That's fucking ridiculous.
Cartwright: You haven't seen it online? It's an entirely reality based format now.
Hastings: Did you just decide this today? After you scheduled me?
Cartwright: Uh, no...we've been doing this for months...
Hastings: Then what the hell am I doing here?
Cartwright: Basically, Travis would like you to comment on some of the recent happenings in UGWC.
Hastings: I'm entirely unimpressed by this.
Cartwright: Can you tell us about your thoughts going into Synergy?
Hastings: Obviously I feel a great swell of sadness and regret for this promotion, as the credibility of Horizons now that a drooling caveman is still the World Heavyweight Champion. Our fans have become accustomed to seeing the Immortal Lord Donovan Hastings in the main event of Horizons and know that they are assured of a main event worthy of their hard-earned dollars. Now I worry for our buy-rate, I truly do.
Cartwright: Perhaps you could share your thoughts on a partnership going into Synergy.
Hastings: Things don't always go as planned, that is for certain. I really thought the BlacKnights was a tremendous concept, I wouldn't have spent purse money on it otherwise. What happened to Abigail Knight, I don't know, to be honest, don't really care. Calypso stepped in, took care of business, saved the day, like she always does. She has been long overdue to wear championship gold around her waist, ever since the Old Bag refused to award her the GIW.com Championship a few years back. Calypso will prove to be as effective a mentor to young Christopher as I have been over these past few months.
Cartwright: Maybe you could share your thoughts on your partnership next week on Synergy.
Hastings: I don't know what we're going to do yet, I'm sure we'll come up with something. Depends, I haven't looked at the card yet.
Cartwright: You're teaming with Travis.
Hastings: Really? That's incredible. There is not a better cooperative partner in this industry than Travis. Not a one. I can't think of anybody I'd rather have at my side. I just can't believe he is coming out of retirement for a random match on Synergy.
Cartwright: Huh? No, Travis Pierce.
Hastings: Oh. Well that sucks.
Cartwright: Against Tyvola and Boss Penguin.
Hastings: How fitting, considering that Danny DiVito looks like a neanderthal with or without his penguin suit. Yet just how I came here today for an interview that didn't happen, perhaps Pierce will find the rug pulled out from under him. Are we done?
Cartwright: Uh, yeah, I guess we can be.
Hastings: Good. Niglet? We go.
Donovan stands up and walks off the set with Owen.