Post by brandonbrown on Jul 25, 2009 22:07:30 GMT -5
Sometime early in the week
(We open on a funeral home. I always found it funny that the word “fun” is in funeral. Anybody remember that Hey, Arnold episode where Principal Wartz lets Mr. Simmons be principal. I’m only bringing it up because Mr. Simmons said he was going to put the word “pal” back into principal. That’s off subject but I thought I would mention it. Back to the scene. Brandon and Big B are standing in front of the funeral home.)
Brandon: I’m not going in.
Big B: You have to gone in to pay your respects.
Brandon: Nobody in there likes me though.
Big B: I barely like you yet I’m still standing out here with you.
Brandon: When did you become the asshole of this team?
Big B: When your balls dropped off.
Brandon: Can you blame me for not going in there? I don’t see you going in there.
Big B: Those people probably wouldn’t even know me. They probably would be a bit confused that a black guy was there though.
Brandon: Every funeral needs a token black guy. By the way, how did you fit into that suit? I didn’t know they made sizes that big.
Big B: So you are back to being the asshole again. If you wanted to know, it was custom made. Those fat jokes aren’t going to work real soon though. I just bought me a bowflex so I’m going to be a lean and fit machine.
Brandon: Yeah, that’ll be the day. The only heavy lifting you ever get is when you bring in about twenty pizza boxes. While we are on the subject, why didn’t you buy the Total Gym? Chuck Norris supports that.
Big B: I was going to but I was talked out of it. I think he said it was morally wrong to buy one. I believed him.
Brandon: Big B, you are seconds away from getting a roundhouse kick to the face.
Big B: Whatever. Can we go in the funeral home now?
Brandon: Fine.
(Big B and Brandon walk into the funeral home. They sit in the back so nobody sees them. They see familiar faces like Cornelius, Shyla, Kyla’s parents, Jacque Pierre’s family, Slash from Guns N Roses, and even Brandon’s family was there.)
Brandon: Damn, my family is here. I hope they don’t see me.
(Luckily for Brandon, he parents are oblivious to everything. They do the whole funeral thing and they let everybody take one last look at the bodies. Big B and Brandon are the last ones to go up to see them.)
Brandon: You know when I told Kyla that I would never see her pretty little face again, I was right.
Big B: Yeah, you would think this would have been a closed casket type deal. Nope, we get to see their charred faces.
Brandon: Yeah, I can’t look at this anymore. Well, I could look at Jacque Pierre’s burnt face all day but not Kyla’s face. I draw the line there.
Big B: Yeah, let’s get out of here.
(The hearse takes the caskets to the cemetery where they put them into the ground. Everybody has left except Brandon and Big B.)
Brandon: Big B, can you leave me alone for a couple of minutes?
Big B: Sure.
(Brandon stares at the tombstones.)
Brandon: I am sorry. I never wanted any of this to happen. If I had it my way, we would still be together. If only I would have never attempted a Superkick while on a bridge. I know who killed you and I will take my revenge. I love you. As for Jacque, I’m sorry you got into this mess.
?: You know who killed them.
Brandon: What are you still doing here, Cornelius?
Cornelius: Oddly enough, I figured you would be here.
Brandon: You aren’t still mad at me about your wedding, are you?
Cornelius: I’m furious about that still.
Brandon: All I did was kick the stupid French guy.
Cornelius: Don’t you feel bad about that now since he is dead.
(Brandon looks over at his tombstone.)
Brandon: No.
Cornelius: You are fucking dick.
Brandon: I do my best.
Cornelius: So who killed them? I know they proved it wasn’t you.
Brandon: I can’t tell you. This is my one man mission to stop this guy.
Cornelius: You are only in it for revenge. All you have to do is call the police and they will bring him to justice.
Brandon: We live in an unjust world. All the lawyers and cops are corrupt.
Cornelius: We don’t live in fucking Gotham.
Brandon: I still like doing things my way. I will find this man. I don’t know where I will find him but I will.
(Brandon walks away.)
Later in the week
(Brandon and Big B are watching The Dark Knight.)
Big B: How many times have we seen this now?
Brandon: This week or all time?
Big B: Both.
Brandon: Seven this week and I can’t count how many times we have seen this altogether.
Big B: Don’t you have a match you should be training for?
Brandon: Oh yeah. I forgot with all this funeral stuff. I still haven’t found the killer yet. He hides pretty well. I haven’t seen the card this week so can you read me my match?
Big B: Yeah. Your match is a four-way survival tag match.
Brandon: That sounds like fun.
Big B: It is to decide the entrance order for the 2009 Global Challenge.
Brandon: That’s cool.
Big B: Team 1 is Andy Savana and Moss Edwards.
Brandon: Those guys are good.
Big B: Team 2 is Chassie Fear and “Diamond” Jack Severino.
Brandon: I don’t think they will team well.
Big B: Team 3 is Alex Kiseragi and Donavan Hastings.
Brandon: They certainly won’t get along.
Big B: Team 4 is …(Big B starts to laugh.)
Brandon: What’s so funny?
Big B: Just think to yourself who else is in the Global Challenge that could be your partner.
Brandon: (Thinking.) Oh no. SKINNY!!!!
(Big B smacks Brandon in the head.)
Big B: Prescott, you idiot.
Brandon: Oh. Wait, I don’t like Prescott. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t like me. You must be reading the paper wrong. I’m really teaming with Kiseragi again. Right?
(Big B shows him the paper.)
Brandon: Son of a bitch. This sucks.
Big B: I don’t know. To me, Declan Prescott is the best partner you could have. Who knows you more than he does in the ring? Sometimes the best opponents are also the best teammates.
Brandon: You probably are right but I still don’t like it. I’m going to do my best to win this match and that is with or without the help of Declan Prescott. Maybe I should just Superkick him and let somebody pin him. I think that would be funny.
Big B: Yeah.
(They look back at The Dark Knight.)
Brandon: This scene was awesome in IMAX.
(A knock is heard on the door.)
Brandon: Big B, answer that.
Big B: Fine.
(Big B opens the door and gets blasted in the face with a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick.)
Chuck Norris: That will teach you for not using the Total Gym.
Brandon: I warned him, Chuck.
Chuck Norris: I’m sorry it took me so long.
Brandon: That’s okay, Chuck.
Chuck Norris: This is a nice place you got here.
Brandon: Yeah, do you want to watch The Dark Knight?
Chuck Norris: I’d love too. Did you know that they almost cast me as The Batman?
Brandon: I didn’t know that.
(Brandon and Chuck continue their conversation while they watch The Dark Knight.)
Scene fades to black
(We open on a funeral home. I always found it funny that the word “fun” is in funeral. Anybody remember that Hey, Arnold episode where Principal Wartz lets Mr. Simmons be principal. I’m only bringing it up because Mr. Simmons said he was going to put the word “pal” back into principal. That’s off subject but I thought I would mention it. Back to the scene. Brandon and Big B are standing in front of the funeral home.)
Brandon: I’m not going in.
Big B: You have to gone in to pay your respects.
Brandon: Nobody in there likes me though.
Big B: I barely like you yet I’m still standing out here with you.
Brandon: When did you become the asshole of this team?
Big B: When your balls dropped off.
Brandon: Can you blame me for not going in there? I don’t see you going in there.
Big B: Those people probably wouldn’t even know me. They probably would be a bit confused that a black guy was there though.
Brandon: Every funeral needs a token black guy. By the way, how did you fit into that suit? I didn’t know they made sizes that big.
Big B: So you are back to being the asshole again. If you wanted to know, it was custom made. Those fat jokes aren’t going to work real soon though. I just bought me a bowflex so I’m going to be a lean and fit machine.
Brandon: Yeah, that’ll be the day. The only heavy lifting you ever get is when you bring in about twenty pizza boxes. While we are on the subject, why didn’t you buy the Total Gym? Chuck Norris supports that.
Big B: I was going to but I was talked out of it. I think he said it was morally wrong to buy one. I believed him.
Brandon: Big B, you are seconds away from getting a roundhouse kick to the face.
Big B: Whatever. Can we go in the funeral home now?
Brandon: Fine.
(Big B and Brandon walk into the funeral home. They sit in the back so nobody sees them. They see familiar faces like Cornelius, Shyla, Kyla’s parents, Jacque Pierre’s family, Slash from Guns N Roses, and even Brandon’s family was there.)
Brandon: Damn, my family is here. I hope they don’t see me.
(Luckily for Brandon, he parents are oblivious to everything. They do the whole funeral thing and they let everybody take one last look at the bodies. Big B and Brandon are the last ones to go up to see them.)
Brandon: You know when I told Kyla that I would never see her pretty little face again, I was right.
Big B: Yeah, you would think this would have been a closed casket type deal. Nope, we get to see their charred faces.
Brandon: Yeah, I can’t look at this anymore. Well, I could look at Jacque Pierre’s burnt face all day but not Kyla’s face. I draw the line there.
Big B: Yeah, let’s get out of here.
(The hearse takes the caskets to the cemetery where they put them into the ground. Everybody has left except Brandon and Big B.)
Brandon: Big B, can you leave me alone for a couple of minutes?
Big B: Sure.
(Brandon stares at the tombstones.)
Brandon: I am sorry. I never wanted any of this to happen. If I had it my way, we would still be together. If only I would have never attempted a Superkick while on a bridge. I know who killed you and I will take my revenge. I love you. As for Jacque, I’m sorry you got into this mess.
?: You know who killed them.
Brandon: What are you still doing here, Cornelius?
Cornelius: Oddly enough, I figured you would be here.
Brandon: You aren’t still mad at me about your wedding, are you?
Cornelius: I’m furious about that still.
Brandon: All I did was kick the stupid French guy.
Cornelius: Don’t you feel bad about that now since he is dead.
(Brandon looks over at his tombstone.)
Brandon: No.
Cornelius: You are fucking dick.
Brandon: I do my best.
Cornelius: So who killed them? I know they proved it wasn’t you.
Brandon: I can’t tell you. This is my one man mission to stop this guy.
Cornelius: You are only in it for revenge. All you have to do is call the police and they will bring him to justice.
Brandon: We live in an unjust world. All the lawyers and cops are corrupt.
Cornelius: We don’t live in fucking Gotham.
Brandon: I still like doing things my way. I will find this man. I don’t know where I will find him but I will.
(Brandon walks away.)
Later in the week
(Brandon and Big B are watching The Dark Knight.)
Big B: How many times have we seen this now?
Brandon: This week or all time?
Big B: Both.
Brandon: Seven this week and I can’t count how many times we have seen this altogether.
Big B: Don’t you have a match you should be training for?
Brandon: Oh yeah. I forgot with all this funeral stuff. I still haven’t found the killer yet. He hides pretty well. I haven’t seen the card this week so can you read me my match?
Big B: Yeah. Your match is a four-way survival tag match.
Brandon: That sounds like fun.
Big B: It is to decide the entrance order for the 2009 Global Challenge.
Brandon: That’s cool.
Big B: Team 1 is Andy Savana and Moss Edwards.
Brandon: Those guys are good.
Big B: Team 2 is Chassie Fear and “Diamond” Jack Severino.
Brandon: I don’t think they will team well.
Big B: Team 3 is Alex Kiseragi and Donavan Hastings.
Brandon: They certainly won’t get along.
Big B: Team 4 is …(Big B starts to laugh.)
Brandon: What’s so funny?
Big B: Just think to yourself who else is in the Global Challenge that could be your partner.
Brandon: (Thinking.) Oh no. SKINNY!!!!
(Big B smacks Brandon in the head.)
Big B: Prescott, you idiot.
Brandon: Oh. Wait, I don’t like Prescott. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t like me. You must be reading the paper wrong. I’m really teaming with Kiseragi again. Right?
(Big B shows him the paper.)
Brandon: Son of a bitch. This sucks.
Big B: I don’t know. To me, Declan Prescott is the best partner you could have. Who knows you more than he does in the ring? Sometimes the best opponents are also the best teammates.
Brandon: You probably are right but I still don’t like it. I’m going to do my best to win this match and that is with or without the help of Declan Prescott. Maybe I should just Superkick him and let somebody pin him. I think that would be funny.
Big B: Yeah.
(They look back at The Dark Knight.)
Brandon: This scene was awesome in IMAX.
(A knock is heard on the door.)
Brandon: Big B, answer that.
Big B: Fine.
(Big B opens the door and gets blasted in the face with a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick.)
Chuck Norris: That will teach you for not using the Total Gym.
Brandon: I warned him, Chuck.
Chuck Norris: I’m sorry it took me so long.
Brandon: That’s okay, Chuck.
Chuck Norris: This is a nice place you got here.
Brandon: Yeah, do you want to watch The Dark Knight?
Chuck Norris: I’d love too. Did you know that they almost cast me as The Batman?
Brandon: I didn’t know that.
(Brandon and Chuck continue their conversation while they watch The Dark Knight.)
Scene fades to black