Post by T-Robosaurus Rex on Jun 2, 2012 18:44:09 GMT -5
DAY BEGINS
Ezra Wade walks proudly through the tailgating crowd, showing his belt off for five fives and fist bumps, posing for pictures, and finally feeling like a big deal. He stops by a pick up truck and snags a hotdog from the grill. He signs posters, programs, and pictures. He is returning a devil horn and a wooo to some fans when a car door suddenly swings open and knocks him to the ground.
Sheena Ramone scurries out of the car picks his Chaos Title off the ground. She slams the door shut and places the belt on her shoulder. She walks away smiling. “Gonna win two titles today, fuckers.”
STIP 1 CHOSEN
The camera spins through some quick cuts of the festival crowd in all their rowdy glory before settling onto a large stage area set up only a small distance from the ring. Grace Harding and Colin Davis stand next to another lottery tumbler filled with orbs. Grace picks up a microphone and addresses the catcalling crowd.
Grace: “Let's get this out of the way first. Yes I am hot and no I am not going to show you any skin. Today is a celebration of technical wrestling skill in honor of the Cross-Hemisphere Championship.”
Colin picks up his mic. “Who's ready for some real wrestling?” The crowd cheers. “I didn't hear you. I said...WHO'S READY FOR SOME WRESTLING!” The crowd cheers. Colin smiles. Grace looks at him like he's sprouted a second head then lifts her own mic.
“Yes. Well. As you are all aware, today each match will have a randomly chosen stipulation. And choosing those stipulations will be...dignitaries....from the UGWC Universe. So let me introduce, to announce the first stipulation, UGWC Director of Human Resources, Robert Ooley!”
The crowd boos the arrival of Ooley onto stage. He sneers at them and yanks the mic out of Grace's hand. “Ol Bob was about to say this was going to be a fight between two bitches, but looking at the field of participants in today's festivities, that would quickly become a redundant statement.”
Ooley reaches into the tumbler and retrieves a ball. “The two skanks are going to have a submission match. Ol Bob suggests everyone hit up the beer tent, this is going to be a long day.”
SHEENA v DESMONA (SUBMISSION)
Vinegar: Well folks, we had quite the eventful first day of WrestleStock, and here on Day Two we have already seen the Chaos Championship change hands.
The Ramones. “Sheena is a Punk Rocker.” Even if it was assigned to the jobber of all jobbers, a Ramones song cannot help but get the crowd pumped up for what is coming next. And what, or rather who, is coming next, is Sheena Ramone. She struts through down the entry ramp, flush with self-satisfaction at her successful ambush in the parking lot. She has the belt slung over her shoulder.
Vinegar: And it just so happens that one of our first two combatants is the holder of that Championship.
Lieberjosch: Yes, ladies and gentlemen, if you missed the opening minutes of our broadcast, you may be surprised to learn that Sheena Ramone, the one and the same, has actually managed to already get her hands on a title belt.
Vinegar: One could likely assume that this might lead to an increase in the Punk Chick's confidence, and maybe finally be the engine that drives her to further success.
Lieberjosch: But remember that this day is all about skill, and despite her bio's insistence to the contrary, Sheena is not known for her technical prowess. And we have already learned that the first contest is a submission match.
Evanescence. “Haunted”. The Mistress of Pain walks down the ramp with purpose, her hair pulled back tight and her fists balled up tightly. For the most part she ignores the rabble trying to touch her from the crowd.
Vinegar: With all her time spent at the Dungeon of Pain recently, you have to believe that Desmona's conditioning is at an all time high these days. With an entire field of competition left in front of her, it is going to have to be.
Lieberjosch: And the Witchy Woman's bio doesn't have to try and fool me into thinking she's technically gifted in direct conflict with her central gimmick. She has every tool needed to go all the way tonight. If I was a betting man...
Vinegar: IF?
Lieberjosch: If I was a betting man who actually had money to bet, I'm saying this right here and now, The Mistress of Pain would be my dark horse pick.
Vinegar: And you may have noticed that we did not have any ring announcements on the entrances, that is because tonight we are giving every pairing the big match treatment. Now that both ladies are settled in the ring, here it comes.
Dennis: The following contest is the first of five gauntlet series matches that will determine the Cross-Hemisphere Champion! Introducing first, she is the current Chaos Champion, residing in Liverpool, England, and weighing 130 pounds, SHEEEENA RAAAMOOOOOONE! And her opponent, residing in Hartford Connecticut, weighing 138 pounds, CAAAALYPSOOOOO DESMOOOONAAAA!
As chosen by Robert Ooley, this will be contested as a Submissions Match. Disqualifications, rope breaks, and count outs are still in effect, but pinfalls will not be counted. Do both competitors understand?
Vinegar: Both ladies nod their heads, Sam Green officiating this opening contest. He calls for the bell.
DING!
Vinegar: And Sheena is quick to take the advantage, throwing Desmona into a headlock.
Lieberjosch: But the Mistress remains calm, sneaks an arm underneath her leg, and lifts her up before depositing her in a sort of makeshift sit out bomb. This is the skill that comes from so many years of proximity to the Chief Lord Nigga.
Vinegar: Ramone back to her feet, and she shoots behind Cal to go for a hammerlock. Now, with the proper leverage, this could be a good weardown hold. But Desmona is able to again get purchase underneath the Profane Princess and flips her over onto her back. Attitude adjusted.
Lieberjosch: Calypso tries to clamp on a cross armbar to the prone Ramone but she is quick to shove a foot into the ropes. Both ladies get to their feet, and now it's clear that Sheena is going to stick to what she knows.
Vinegar: Indeed. Sheena unleashes a flurry of right hands, hammering down on Calypso's head and neck to push her within kneeing distance. And now lifting said knee up into the Witch's chest repeatedly
Lieberjosch: The advantage of attacking someone's chest is that it knocks the wind out of them, and that leaves them at your mercy, so to speak.
Vinegar: The stunned Mistress of Pain sinks to her knees and is unable to fight off Ramone as she uneasily slips her hands under her chin and pulls.
Lieberjosch: I believe she's trying to get a submission off a chinlock. Desmona can actually use this as an opportunity to catch her breath.
Vinegar: Now the Mistress throws elbows backwards, connecting with Sheena's sides and breaking her grip. Calypso bounds off the mat and hits the ropes on the opposite side. But Ramone shakes it off and breaks into a charge of her own, she catches Desmona with a diving shoulder to the gut. Follows that up with some heavy stomping.
Lieberjosch: I was about to say that she's sticking to what brought her to the dance, but that was a lack of roster depth.
Vinegar: I think some people may be impressed with Sheena's showing thus far, Hans. After all, she's gotten hold of the Chaos Title, and she's been steadily in control of her more experienced opponent this whole match.
Lieberjosch: Sam Green giving her a five count to let up on the stomping, she has to remember that disqualifications are still in effect.
Vinegar: Calypso getting the chance to try and get to her feet. Sheena is right behind her and grabs the arms. Full nelson!
Lieberjosch: No one has gotten a win with a full nelson since 1983.
Vinegar: Desmona wriggling free, so that streak continues.
Lieberjosch: But Sheena grabs her by the pony tail and whips her to the mat. Now she seems to be pondering her next move.
Vinegar: Ramone's lack of preparation is starting to show. If she moves on today, she will have to be able to go move for move, no time for pondering. Sheena shrugs, guess she's chosen....
Lieberjosch:............is that a?
Vinegar: ….yep....she's using a nerve hold.
Lieberjosch: Now, someone versed in pressure points can do that effectively. Someone who is not versed in pressure points just looks like they are giving their opponents a massage.
Vinegar: Sam Green asking Calypso if she wants to submit and she looks at him like he's crazy. I think she's slightly offended by this turn of events. The Mistress of Pain takes ahold of Sheena's arm and gets her feet underneath her. Judo flip! Calypso hits the ropes while Sheena gets up. Cal nails her with a clothesline and follows her to the mat.
Lieberjosch: She's synching it up. HANDS OF FATE! Just as good as any the Lord himself has applied.
Vinegar: They are smack dab in the middle of the ring, there is nowhere for Sheena to go. She struggles for a good moment, but there is nothing to do but tap out.
DING DING DING!
Dennis: The winner of this contest, and moving on in the gauntlet to face Moss Edwards, CAAAALYPSO DEESMOOONAAA!
Vinegar: Calypso not letting go of the hold right away.
Lieberjosch: She is giving back all the punishment Sheena tried to inflict on her. Look at the way she's cranking on the arm.
Vinegar: Finally Calypso lets go and allows herself to soak in some of the crowd's cheers while she makes her way back up the ramp. She'll get a short bit of time to rest, but in the meanwhile we are going to learn what kind of match she will be having with the current Cross-Hemisphere Champion.
Lieberjosch: Someone's coming in through the crowd. It's that paint huffer.
Vinegar: Enigma is coming to the ring to check on his girlfriend Sheena. Or is that his Saint Jimmy facepaint?
Lieberjosch: Does it really matter? In the grand scheme of things? I submit that it does not. And now he's grabbing the Chaos Championship and leaving her?
Vinegar: I think Enigma decided Sheena was a walking target after being placed in that Hands of Fate, and so he's going to defend the belt instead today.
Lieberjosch: She laid down for him like this was Russo's WCW.
SIDE STAGE 1
Charity and Patience take the stage to cheers and catcalls.
“Thank you for coming to WrestleStock! Now, we were given the job of coming up with something to fill the time between the gauntlet matches. And we thought, what is everyone's favorite kind of festival? A music festival! So we made some calls to our friends in the campus programming boards and I think you'll all be pretty stoked about our main stage bands today.
Please welcome to the stage...CHROMEO!”
EZRA TRIES TO RECLAIM HIS BELT
Covert Jay is out on the festival grounds, interviewing people and showing off all the things I would love to describe if I had time, which I don't. So just use your imaginations, people!
Anyway, while showing off some of the merchandise tables, Jay is nearly bowled over by the flying body of Enigma/Green Day Song. The camera whips towards the other side of the tent and sees the cause of the interruption, a very upset Ezra Wade.
“Your stupid girlfriend hit me with a damn car! But if she wants you to take her ass-whupping instead. I guess that's okay too.”
Ezra jumps onto the gimmick table and springs off of it to kick Enigma in the face with the Beautimous. He then picks up the title belt and walks away. Jay and the crew catch up to him.
Jay. “That was quite the display of ninja revenge skills.”
Wade. “It is going to take a lot more than a car door to take this baby away from me. I'm planning on holding on to it the rest of the weekend and I'd like to see someone stop me!” He slams a hand against it for emphasis, causing it to light up and play a tinny version of Monster Magnet's “Bummer.”
Jay. “Oh, I forgot to tell you folks at home. We're having a clearance on toy title belts.”
Wade. “Well, shit.”
They race back to the gimmick tables but Ezra can't find his belt anywhere. The merchant gets his attention. “Oh, y'all lookin' for the real belt? Some hairy guy's got it.”
Jay.”Hairy guy?”
Merchant. “Yeah, some hobo lookin' fella was diggin' through the trash for food, and after y'all ran off he came over here, picked it up, and went skipping the other way saying somethin' about movin' out of the basement.”
Wade. “Shit again.”
STIP 2 CHOSEN
Grace Harding and Colin Davis step back onto the stage. Colin speaks first. “Let's hear it for Calypso Desmona, huh? Moving on to the second round, I'm sure everyone at her gym must be very proud. This is a great day so far, I'm glad you all could make it.”
Grace cuts him off. “And now it is time to find out what kind of match Calypso will meet incumbent champion Moss Edwards in next. And here to pick the stipulation, straight from the autograph booth, GIW Commentator Daniel Hanson!”
A good nostalgia pop greets Daniel Hanson, who still exudes a rakish charm even with the addition of a few extra pounds. “Hello WrestleStock. I would like to start by saying hello to Nicholas Vinegar, and extending a heartfelt fuck you to Hans Lieberjosch and Covert Jay. And now, what you were all waiting for, besides Grace possibly having a nipple slip, the stipulation for Moss v Calypso...Catch? Who the hell put catch in here? This is going to be a disaster. But a damn fun one. I can't wait. And hey, ladies....call me.”
MOSS V CALYPSO – CATCH
Vinegar: And welcome back to the in-ring portion of Cross-Hemisphere Day.
Lieberjosch: Article 71- Rock concerts don't belong on wrestling shows.
Vinegar: Normally I would agree with you, Hans, but WrestleStock is obviously not like other shows. And I think the crowd here in New Orleans Park is highly appreciative of what they have seen thus far, both in the ring and on the stage.
Evanescence “Haunted”. Calypso Desmona steps onto the ramp with even more confidence and determination after her first round win. She stomps down to the ring, scowling at a few audience members whose catcalls reach her ears.
Vinegar: The Mistress of Pain showed her resiliency in the first contest of the day, but now she will get to show her skill as well.
Lieberjosch: She's been scouting her opponents, showing a real championship drive. Can you imagine, the Mistress and Lord of Pain, standing together at the end of WrestleStock with the top two titles in the industry?
Vinegar: An impressive thought to be sure.
Coheed and Cambria. “Ten Speed”. Moss Edwards steps out onto the entryway to a big pop. He has ditched his office wear for his old trunks, and he stops at the top of the ramp to survey the crowd, pleased at their size and energy. He slaps hands on his way down to the ring.
Vinegar: And here comes the defending champion, and the designer of the day's random chance format.
Lieberjosch: That random chance has already thrown him one spanner, Nicholas, by putting him this early in the series. I'm sure he was hoping the lottery would justify him sticking all his opponents at the beginning of the day and letting him pick up the scraps at the end.
Vinegar: If he wanted to do that, Hans, he wouldn't have bothered with the lottery in the first place. I think once and for all, win or lose, Moss Edwards is going to silence the critics who think he has booked himself into favorable situations.
Dennis: The following contest is the second of five gauntlet-style matches for the Cross-Hemisphere Championship. Introducing first, from Hollywood California, weighing in at 182 pounds, MOOOOOSSSS EEEEDWAAARDS! And his opponent, the current advancing competitor, CAAAALYPSO DESMOOOONAAAA!
As chosen by Daniel Hanson, this will be contested as a Catch-as-Catch-Can Match! Pinfalls and submissions will be counted, Rope breaks will NOT be enforced, and if a participant leaves the ring, they will be disqualified. Do both competitors understand?
Vinegar: An interesting set of rules, meant to simulate wrestling's early days of carnival grappling. Senior Official Owen Peterson is double-checking with Calypso that she is ready to begin.
Lieberjosch: To recap for our viewers, this match can be won by pinfall, submission, or ring out.
Covert Jay: Like Soul Caliber!
Lieberjosch: Why aren't you out on the grounds?
Covert Jay: I had to come back to get my lunch box. Carnival food upsets my stomach. I got to get back though, we're about to put Tate Levene in the dunk booth! Later guys!
DING!
Vinegar: And with that, we begin this one fall to a finish, catch rules contest.
Lieberjosch: This kind of match will favor the hold-counterhold approach, which Moss is very adept at but do not forget that Calypso is spending most of her time in a training environment alongside Donovan Hastings and Christopher Peterson, two highly skilled mat technicians in their own right.
Vinegar: And she is also small enough to slip through Edwards' grasp, as she avoids his attempt at a collar and elbow tie up and instead moves around behind him. She shoots an arm up under his own and pulls it back into a high chickenwing.
Lieberjosch: Moss rolls into the hold, and spins out to reverse it into an arm wringer.
Vinegar: Calypso reversing it into her own armbar, but Moss keeps moving through to a judo arm drag, landing the Witchy Woman onto her tailbone. He tries to follow it with a kick to the side of the head but she ducks and rolls under, pulling him down to the mat with a schoolboy.
Lieberjosch: He rolls...I get a feeling we are going to be using the words roll and reverse a lot, and for that I apologize but it's the kind of match we have here....he rolls over to his knees and grabs her into a front facelock. Standing up, he lifts her for a vertical suplex.
Vinegar: Calypso's flexibility coming into play, she's able to hit him with a knee to the head and drop back down to her feet, and she hits her own snap suplex.
Lieberjosch: Calypso using the momentum to float over into a mounting position, and she drops a few right hands down onto the face of the UGWC Creative Director.
Vinegar: Moss catching her fist, and then gets another hand up to stop her on the left side. He pushes her up enough to bring his knees closer to himself, then pulls her down to drive them into her sternum.
Lieberjosch: But now he has Calypso propped up on his knees like a toddler playing airplane, not much either can do from this position.
Vinegar: But Moss is already at work changing that, he's pulling her arms up and switching them, holding her left with his right and vice versa.
Lieberjosch: Still not an actual hold though...mein gott!
Vinegar: Moss pushes with all his leg strength and unfolds Calypso's arms, and manages flip her over onto her back! Now he is pulling back on her arms and pushing against her with his legs in a sort of upside down surfboard!
Lieberjosch: Calypso's arms and shoulders are going to take a lot of damage if she stays in this position too long, and with the Tastemaker's Motivation submission always looming, she can't afford that. She is managing to stay calm, though, and is trying to shift her weight and get her feet back onto the mat.
Vinegar: She does manage to make contact with the mat, and pushes off to backflip over Edwards and land above his head. She lifts on his arms to sit him up, and drives alternating knees into his spine. He's working his way up to feet, and she pulls the arms back behind him like a test of strength gone wrong.
Lieberjosch: So far, the Mistress of Pain has been able to match Edwards step for step, but you have to wonder how long she can keep up with this pace having already had one match.
Vinegar: The Auteur kicks backwards, landing a boot into her midsection. He pulls his arms forward to draw her head underneath his arm. Could be going for a bulldog, no, he's rolling around behind her and tripping up her legs.
Lieberjosch: A classic Tiger Spin, and notice how Moss keeps her ankles wrapped up with his own feet so he can transition into another hold. He's locking her into place and grabbing her by the chin before leaning back into a painful Romero-style chinlock! She digs her fingernails into his hands as she struggles to break his grip.
Vinegar: She throws an elbow back and catches Moss on the chin, breaking the holding, and she uses his feet entanglement against him, rolling him over easily onto his stomach. Now Calypso grabs onto
his foot and stands up for leverage. Textbook ankle lock being applied.
Lieberjosch: Notice Moss scrambling to get his hands and free foot underneath him before The Mistress can set it in more tightly . A big part of these sorts of matches is keeping control of your body. The more freedom of movement you can hold onto, the more options you will have to get out of the submission.
Vinegar: He manages to push himself up off the mat, almost standing up on that leg. Enziguri! The Tastemaker rocks her with that kick to the side of the head, and she falls to her knees.
Lieberjosch: And Moss is right there to capitalize, trying to lock up her arms and force her down into the Motivation! Desmona wisely keeping herself in motion, forcing Moss to approach her from every angle. The Motivation requires him to capture his opponent with both his arms and his legs, and you can see why he does not normally try to apply it from this position.
Vinegar: Calypso gets her own hold of Edwards, and rolls him into a small package! Owen Peterson immediately there to count the pin!
1! 2!
Lieberjosch: Edwards kicks out but immediately catches Calypso before she can stand and stacks her up crucifix-style!
1! 2!
Vinegar: The Witchy Woman kicks out and grabs hold of Moss's legs, flips over into a jackknife pin!
1! 2!
Lieberjosch: Moss pushes her off and rolls her into a Majestrol Cradle!
1! 2!
Vinegar: Calypso kicks out and both competitors roll away from each other. After nonstop action, they finally stop and take a breath, and this crowd erupts in applause what they have seen thus far.
Lieberjosch: As well they should, Nicholas. If every match we had to watch was full of real technical wrestling, I wouldn't be so grumpy all the time.
Vinegar: Calypso getting to her feet, propping herself up on the top rope, that rapid pace is indeed catching up to her. Moss seeing her position, and he springs into action, charging forward and looking for that Shining Prince!
Lieberjosch: Calypso realizes the predicament and dives out of the way as Moss's feet leave the mat. He adjusts midair and lands on the middle rope.
Vinegar: The Auteur springs off but has a rough landing as Calypso meets him with a kick to the stomach. He doubles over, and she grabs him by the head and signals for the Kissed By Chaos DDT! She leaps up, but doesn't come back down.
Lieberjosch: Moss reaching up and holding her aloft, and turning to deposit her over the top rope!
Vinegar: The Mistress manages to grab the top rope and land her feet on the apron but she does not want to spend any length of time out there. OO! She just slapped the taste out of Moss's mouth.
Lieberjosch: Moss turned away from the ropes, showing us all the imprint left on the side of his face. Now Calypso slips back into the ring and follows that slap up with a running bulldog, driving the Auteur into the mat.
Vinegar: She doesn't give him the chance to get back up, reaching straight for his arm and yanking it into a vicious looking crowbar.
Lieberjosch: She's using her own body as a fulcrum point for hyperextending the arm, extremely painful. Again, though, watch how The Puppetmaster controls his body and finds a way to alleviate the bulk of the pressure. He's turning his body, propping himself up onto his other shoulder.
Vinegar: Cal knows that the move just lost it's effectiveness and changes tact, reaching over and grabbing his other arm, yanking them back into another surfboard.
Lieberjosch: Moss stands back up. He tries to kick backwards again, but she learned from the first time, and catches his foot. She slams it to the mat, DDT style, causing him to crash down along with it.
Vinegar: And that gives Calypso a new potential target. She grabs his leg and looks to extend it with a stretch muffler, but Moss uses his free leg to sweep her feet out before she can set it.
Lieberjosch: Moss tries to follow that up with a knee drop but she rolls and he only connects with the mat. Calypso reaches up and yanks The Creative Director down into The Hands of Fate! Moss struggling to keep her from locking his arms into place.
Vinegar: The Auteur's advantages in strength, size, and overall freshness are coming into play, it's all Calypso can do to keep him grounded, let alone properly hook in the hold. It's like trying to control a thrashing carp.
Lieberjosch: Carp?
Vinegar: Wait, while Moss has been in motion, he's managed to subtly reverse the leverage and sneak a hand behind her head.
Lieberjosch: And now with a snap he catches her arm and drives HER to the mat in a Crossface!
Vinegar: Moss is really cranking back, and now it's Calypso who is scrambling across the mat trying to reduce the pressure being put on her neck and shoulder! She's slowly inching closer to the edge of the ring while The Tastemaker makes her fight for every little bit of progress. Her fingers finally touch the bottom rope.
Lieberjosch: But that's no help in this match, Nick. Owen Peterson asking Moss to let go of the hold, but Moss shakes his head and tells Peterson he knows the rule.
Vinegar: Owen checking with Calypso, but she refuses to give up. She reaches up for the second one, trying to get some leverage, and then for the third one. She's almost managed to get up to her feet, and Edwards's grip is slipping.
Lieberjosch: Calypso bites his hand to break the hold! But the damage is done, look at her arm dangling.
Vinegar: Moss trying to pull her back off the ropes, she responds with the Hastings Superkick! Using her good arm to thumb The Auteur in the eye, and with a sudden inspiration reaches for the back of his head while he's stunned and tries to chuck him over the rope!
Lieberjosch: Moss catches the middle rope and manages to hang off the edge of the apron. The Mistress of Pain sees him down there though and starts stomping and kicking at him, trying to push him off onto the floor.
Vinegar: He's holding on tight, but she is laying vicious kicks into his chest and face, and each one is causing him to tip ever so slightly closer over the edge.
Lieberjosch: He catches her foot, and uses the force of her own kick to throw her off balance. Now he's...threading I suppose I would call it...threading her leg between the ring ropes.
Vinegar: Moss hopping back into the ring, what does he have planned for his newly-trapped opponent?
Lieberjosch: He jams his knee right between her shoulder blades and starts to yank back on the leg! It's an elevated half crab with the ropes providing an extra fulcrum to extend against! And there is absolutely nowhere for Calypso to go!
DING DING DING!
Vinegar: Owen Peterson calling for the bell, I'm not sure I saw or heard The Mistress officially submit but any longer and that leg could have been broken.
Dennis: The winner of this contest, by referee stoppage, and moving on to face John Russo, MOOOOSSS EEEDDDDWAAAARDS!
Vinegar: Moss and Owen work together to extricate Calypso from the ropes and get her to her feet. She leans against Owen for support and accepts a nod of acknowledgement from the victor.
Lieberjosch: We may not get to see Hastings and Desmona as simultaneous champions, but at least we got to see a fantastic contest.
Vinegar: You are just in heaven right now, aren't you Lars?
Lieberjosch: It was like Article 17, On The Standards of European Grappling, brought to life.
PIERCING MEDIA TENT
Jay is on location at the Piercing Media Network's booth. Jet Somers is currently owning all comers on a free Dance Dance Revolution machine while Travis chats with fans at his signing table. Pepper Phoenix is being ignored by everyone despite his best efforts to give them his latest “news.” Suddenly a very angry Charity is standing behind him.
“Pepper, did you tell people that they could sign my chest today?”
Pepper pretends he doesn't notice her, but a distinct look of anxiety crosses his face. She continues. “Because an awful lot of people have been telling me to lift up my shirt, and when I ask them why, your name seems to pop up.”
Pepper turns to face her and they argue, but the camera moves away to someone asking Travis to sign their football. Travis. “That seems pretty random, but what the hell. Here you go, buddy. Hey, go long!”
The fan runs to the other side of the dirt path and Travis lets the ball go...right as CajoolZ is skipping by the booth. The ball drills him straight between the eyes and he stumbles into the tent. Charity slaps the taste out of Pepper's mouth after he makes another comment about her chest, and he stumbles the other direction. CajoolZ falls down, and Pepper falls on top of him. Travis leads the crowd in chanting “1 2 3!” then picks Pepper off the ground and hands him the Chaos Title. Pepper runs laps around the tent shouting that he's a champion until Jet, coming over to see what all the shouting was about, offhandedly mentions “Wow. That big guy is going to be pissed when he sees you with that belt.”
The color leaves Pepper's face. “Jet, you have to pin me.”
Jet. “I promised Moss I wouldn't do stuff like that.”
He runs over to Travis. “You have to pin me, I can't be Chaos Champion, not here. I'd be a walking target, pin me real quick.”
Travis. “I am a competitor and an honest man, Pepper. I only pin people that I meet on the field of battle.” He stands up and shakes Pepper's hand. “I'm sorry.”
Pepper. “I understand.”
Travis pulls him in and lifts him onto his shoulders. “No, I mean I'm sorry about this.” He drops Pepper down and hits him with the Signing Off, then picks up the Chaos Title to the cheers of the crowd.
SIDE STAGE 2
“Ladies and gentlemen....LUDO!”
TATE GETS THE BELT
Travis Pierces steps out of a portajohn and is grabbed around the neck by Paul Cockatoo. The Original Aboriginal tosses him onto the ground and tries to drop an elbow on him but only hits the dirt. Travis nails him with the Truth Hurts and knocks him into the outhouse. Not even ten seconds later, Brandon McSkinny is charging at him with a 2x4. Travis dodges him, trips him, and lets gravity take care of the rest. He yells at the camera crew following him. “See, if I was just some regular hardcore shlub with bad hair and a dirty t-shirt, this wouldn't be happening. But being such a recognizable star while holding the Chaos Belt, it's been a bit of a buzzkill. I had to cut my signing short because people just keep coming out of the woodwork to...”
Travis, paying too much attention to his crew, does not see the golf cart barrel up from behind him until it has already knocked him to the ground. Inside the cart sit Old Lady Levene and her grandson Tate.
OLL “Oh dear, do you think that man is alright?”
Tate “That's Travis Pierce! He's the Chaos Champion right now!”
OLL “Good for him.”
Tate gets out of the cart and picks up the title.
OLL “Tate, put that down, you don't know where it's been.”
Tate “Gram, it's vigilante rules this weekend.”
OLL “I don't care if it's Georgia Rules this weekend, we are running very late. I have an important duty and I can't waste time watching you pick every shiny thing off the ground.”
Tate jumps into the cart, belt across his lap. They take off. Travis stands up and dusts himself off. “Wait just a tick, there. I never said I didn't WANT the damn thing.” He looks at his crew. “To be continued, my friends.”
STIP 3 CHOSEN
Colin steps onto the stage. “Are you guys all having a good time?” They roar in approval. “Well it is only going to get better from here. Who's ready to find out what the next stipulation is going to be? Well, we have a very special guest to choose this match. Everyone please welcome a sweet old lady to the stage, Mrs. Levene!”
Tate leads his Grandma onto the stage and proudly holds up the Chaos Championship. She takes the microphone. “Put that down Tate,no one likes a braggart. Now I am here, my you are a tall glass of water aren't you? Of course, with that hair, you're probably more familiar with glasses of beer. Now then, where was I, oh yes. The little lottery ball. It says....Thief's Honor. My, for the life of me I do not know what that means but it sounds dreadful. Nothing I want Tate to have anything to do with. Come along, young man.”
RUSSO vs MOSS
Volbeat. “A Warrior's Call.” John Russo charges down the ramp, slapping the hands of people who are still happy to see him. A slight bit of paunch is starting to creep onto his frame but he still exudes a youthful energy.
Vinegar: Russo started the year with a lot of momentum but it has died down considerably the past few months. Perhaps a good showing here at WrestleStock would kick things back into gear for him.
Lieberjosch: Don't sugarcoat things, Nicholas. Russo has become a punchline. After a great second match, this series is about to take a downturn.
Coheed and Cambria. “Ten Speed.” The crowd erupts for Moss's second entrance of the night. He stops halfway down the ramp to snatch a cigarette out of the mouth of someone in the crowd and stomps it into the ground, gesturing in the direction of the smoking tents.
Lieberjosch: See? The Auteur is so unintimidated by Russo that he's taking a time out to enforce his Clean Air Policy.
Vinegar: But once Edwards gets into the ring, rest assured that Russo will have his full attention.
Dennis: The following contest is the third of five gauntlet series matches to determine the Cross-Hemisphere Champion. Introducing first, from San Diego California, JOOOOOHN RUUUSSOOOOO! And his opponent, the current advancing competitor, MOOOOOSS EDWAAAARDS!
As chosen by Old Lady Levene, this will be contested as a Thief's Honor Match. Pinfalls and submissions will not be counted. Count outs and disqualifications are still in effect. The first competitor to successfully perform his opponent's finishing maneuver will be declared the winner. Do both competitors understand?
Vinegar: Hazel East will be officiating this third match, which comes with an interesting twist. You have to think that of all the moves to try and hit on a person, their own finisher would be the one that would be the hardest.
Lieberjosch: And the most insulting.
DING!
Vinegar: Both men meeting in the center of the ring to shake hands, a fine show of sportsmanship.
Lieberjosch: Don't fall for that, Nick. Each man was hoping to draw the other one in for the quick advantage, and both land simultaneous kicks to the gut!
Vinegar: Russo, the fresher man, recovers first, and follows it up with a stiff clothesline. Then immediately bounces off the ropes to deliver a knee drop across the throat of the Creative Director. Moss getting back to his feet, but Russo is right behind him. Belly to back suplex, then floating over to a front facelock.
Lieberjosch: This is probably the most offense Russo has gotten in at least a month, maybe ALL his opponents should have to fight another match first.
Vinegar: Moss trying to push himself back up to his feet, but Russo drops him with a DDT. John Russo came here with something to prove, Hans, especially to the people like you've who have written him off. Now he's climbing the turnbuckle, waiting for Moss to roll onto his back. Leaping off, looking for an elbow drop.
Lieberjosch: But The Auteur keeps rolling, and Russo the nicknameless marvel crashes onto the mat.
Vinegar: Both men getting up, Edwards throws out a rolling elbow but it is dodged by Russo.
Lieberjosch: And then he turns around into The Super Kick!
Vinegar: John Russo is really laying into Edwards here, Hans.
Lieberjosch: But it doesn't matter how much damage he does if he can't hit him with the finisher.
Vinegar: He's going to try now, I think. He's picking Moss up onto his shoulders, I guess his plan is to slide him back into position from that elevated position.
Lieberjosch: But Edwards grabs for him as soon as he starts to slide him down, he gets ahold of the arm and swings his legs around.
Vinegar: He's placing Russo in a Christo headscissors!
Lieberjosch: Besides the pain of the hold itself, you have to contend with their bodyweight. Russo's knees are buckling.
Vinegar: John hits the mat and The Tastemaker starts shifting his grip, trying to transition into a Guillotine, Russo's version of a Gogolplata front choke. But Russo slips out before it's locked in.
Lieberjosch: And he scrambles backwards while that trademark Auteur smile crosses Moss's face now that he realizes that he has regained the advantage. If anyone would know every possible counter to their own moves, it would be Edwards.
Vinegar: Russo swings out with a clothesline, Edwards ducks and uses his own momentum against him, grabbing him by the head and charging him into the turnbuckle with that corner bulldog. Edwards picking Russo back up.
Lieberjosch: But John Russo surges up from underneath him, and grabs The Auteur's legs! He has him up in the position for the Spoiler Alert! He drops down!
Vinegar: But again, Moss shows that the move requires a bit more finesse than that, as he easily swings himself up to grab onto the ring ropes and Russo just lands on his knees! But Russo still has hold of his legs, he stands back up and OUCH!
Lieberjosch: Russo gives him the Bob Holly special, A flagrant kick to the nether regions. Hazel gives him a warning that he can still be disqualified, obviously she would rather see this match end with a finisher instead but she can't be too lenient.
Vinegar: John drags Edwards away from the ropes and picks him up. He's lifting him for a body slam but Moss floats over! Russo turns around.
Lieberjosch: Boot to the gut! STUNNING VICTORY!
DING DING DING!
Dennis: Here is your winner, moving on to face Remy Monroe, MOOOOSSS EEEEDWAAARDS!
Vinegar: Russo had a good showing but the incumbent champion has ultimately come one step closer to leaving WrestleStock with his belt.
Lieberjosch: John's fate was sealed the moment the stipulation was chosen. After all, everyone over the age of 12 already knows how to do a stunner.
SIDE STAGE 3
“Please give a warm WrestleStock welcome to...THE GO TEAM!”
STIP 4 CHOSEN
The crowd is confused when neither Grace nor Colin come onstage, but rather a very elegant and poised Mary Jo Roberts. “The TWiSTeD Heiress is sure that you are all wondering what you did to be graced with her presence this evening? Quite simply put, I informed the quote unquote Creative Department that MJ does not need babysitters to walk her over to the ball tumbler. You are going to see the true future of this industry, Remy Monroe, knock some old news out of the ring in the following match...a Ladder match? How dreadfully appropriate, let's watch Remy climb to the top!”
MOSS v REMY – Ladder
Vinegar: The sun is starting to set, creating a sky full of beautiful reds and purples and golds.
Lieberjosch: And that is going to be the perfect backdrop for the human car wreck we are about to witness.
Vinegar: After three rounds that tested our combatants technical skill, this contest is going to also test their agility and toughness. Who can fall from the highest heights and climb back up?
Spoon. “I Turn My Camera On.” The smooth bassline and crisp drumbeat start the crowd grooving, and the third entrance of Moss Edwards has a more celebratory feeling. He walks confidently down to the ring, slapping hands and commenting on the amazing weather.
Vinegar: Edwards changing up his music a bit, trying to keep the crowd reaction fresh. His new music that we heard before was more battle-ready, where as here he's stepping back to his more confident theme.
Lieberjosch: He's bypassed two opponents already, in what proved to be very physical battles. He needs to do whatever he can to put up a brave front or Remy will get the psychological advantage.
Sunna. “Power Struggle”. The crowd pops big as Remy Monroe steps onto the ramp. He holds his arms open wide, encouraging the crowd noise to grow louder before sliding into the ring and flashing a big smile at Moss.
Vinegar: Remedy of course already had a fine showing on Day One, and I'm sure he would like to follow that up with his first singles title.
Lieberjosch: And to do it here in Louisiana would be just icing on the cake. There is a very vocal hometown contingency here, of course I can't understand a word that vocal crowd is saying.
Vinegar: But no matter who you are supporting in the ring right now, you have to be excited at the prospect of this match. These two men possess similar skill sets, and so far neither has been in a ladder match here at UGWC, so I'm sure we will be seeing some interesting uses of the three ladders that have been set up around the ring.
Dennis: Ladies and gentlemen, this is the fourth of five gauntlet series matches to determine the Cross-Hemisphere Champion. Introducing first, the current advancing competitor, MOOOSSSS EEDWAAARDS! And his opponent, from Bon Temps, Louisiana, weighing in at 220 lbs, REEEEEMYYYY MOOOONROOOOOOEEE!
As chosen by Mary Jo Roberts, this will be contested as a Ladder Match! Pinfalls, submissions, count outs, and disqualifications will NOT be counted. The only way to win is to retrieve the title belt hanging above the ring. Do both competitors understand?
Vinegar: Brian Chartreuse will be the official here, but his only duty will be calling for the bell and declaring a winner.
DING!
Lieberjosch: And Mr Chartreuse does the smart thing and gets the heck out of there as soon as the bell sounds.
Vinegar: Moss and Remy circle each other, what do you think each man's tact is going to be in this match, Hans?
Lieberjosch: With Moss entering his third match of the night, Remy is going to want to keep the pace fast. And Moss is going to want to keep Remedy grounded.
Vinegar: Remy makes the first move, landing a forearm to Moss's temple. In one fluid motion, he throws a back elbow with the same arm. Follows that up with a high kick to knock Moss against the ropes. Remy is pushing his early advantage, just as you would have suggested, Hans.
Lieberjosch: Yes. Maybe he's not such a Cajun dunderhead after all. The accent made me wonder.
Vinegar: With Moss pressed against the ropes, Remy pins against him and lifts repeated knees into the midsection. Now he rears back, and lets loose a fierce chop.
Jay: WOOOOOOOOOO!
Lieberjosch: Can't you just give me one night? Just one night of happiness?
Jay: Sorry. Left my iPod charger here.
Lieberjosch: GO!
Vinegar: Another chop.
Jay: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Okay, I'm done, see you guys tomorrow!
Vinegar: Monroe takes a few steps back, and charges with a clothesline.
Lieberjosch: Moss ducks and lifts Remy up over the ropes, dumping him to the outside.
Vinegar: Now a suicide dive through the ropes, driving Monroe into the barricade. The Tastemaker looks down and sees one of the ladders.
Lieberjosch: For no real apparent reason, you'll notice that we have a red ladder, a white ladder, and a blue one. Moss picks up the red one.
Vinegar: But he left his back to Remedy, who now pushes him up against the side of the ring, making a very painful sandwich. Moss slumps to the ground, and Remy slides the ladder into the ring. He steps in after it, but Moss is right behind him, stopping on the apron.
Lieberjosch: Remy starts to pick up the ladder, and looks back to keep an eye on Moss...who chooses that moment to springboard off the rope looking for a flying clothesline!
Vinegar: Monroe quick to react, though, lifting the ladder up and shoving it into Moss's ribs! The Auteur falls to the mat and Monroe takes the chance setting up the red ladder. But it doesn't look like it's close enough to the belt.
Lieberjosch: That's because he knows he needs to do a bit more damage first. He grabs onto Moss's legs and slingshots him into the ladder! It tips backwards and falls onto the mat, bringing him with it.
Vinegar: Monroe has effectively shut Moss out of the opening minutes of this match. Why do you think that it?
Lieberjosch: Well, I'm not one to traffic in rumours...
Vinegar: You very much are, but go on.
Lieberjosch: Remitude has been linked to Dexter Vines and Mary Jo Roberts, to what extent it's hard to say. But if you were going to scout Moss Edwards, you could do worse than to get tips from his business partner and someone who knew him in GIW.
Vinegar: Whatever he did to prepare for this match, it is paying off thus far. Remy waits for Moss to get to his feet. Textbook Dropkick! Moss hits the mat and rolls back out of the ring. Now Remedy is more confident about his chances of reaching the belt. He settles the red ladder directly in the center of the ring and asks the crowd if he should climb.
Lieberjosch: One thing he hasn't learned yet from MJ Roberts, if you want sound advice, the crowd is probably your WORST resource.
Vinegar: But he's taking it anyway, starting the long climb up the ladder. He's about halfway up when Edwards reenters the ring, bringing the blue ladder with him. He tosses it like a caber at the red ladder!
Lieberjosch: The red ladder tips over, Remy jumps safely to the side.
Vinegar: And he hits the ground running, immediately setting into Edwards with a fine looking lariat.
Lieberjosch: Now it is Remy who has the blue ladder, and he's waiting for Moss to get to his feet.
Vinegar: Remy charging like a battering ram, but it's side stepped by The Tastemaker. Twist Ending! Moss snaps off a cutter and Remedy lands rather awkwardly on his ladder! And just like that, Edwards is back in this match.
Lieberjosch: It's his turn to set up the red ladder now, but Remy is already back up and catches him with a hard left. The red ladder falls over against the corner.
Vinegar: Remy Monroe laying into Moss with some boxing style body shots. Now he lifts him up and drops him onto the red ladder with that Textbook Spinebuster! Edwards nearly bent in half!
Lieberjosch: The Creative Director still cannot seem to get out of the gate, and after that slam he may be out of chances. Remy picks up the blue ladder and brings it over to the corner.
Vinegar: He's going to press him like a George Foreman grill.
Lieberjosch: Moss rolls off of the red ladder before they clang together. With a burst of speed, he leaps up and springs off the ropes, and lands a flash kick to the side of Monroe's head.
Vinegar: Remy staggers back into the ropes, and Moss sees an opening. Charges forward, Shining Prince connects! Monroe tumbles to the ground.
Lieberjosch: Edwards pushes the blue ladder to the side and inspects the red ladder. It's landed on the post and Moss seems amused by how it can pivot around the turnbuckle.
Vinegar: Remedy getting back to his feet down on the ground.
Lieberjosch: Moss sees him, and swings the red ladder around the post, causing it to swing down and crash into Remy's face and knock him back down.
Vinegar: Moss sets up the blue ladder under the belt, he gets his first chance to climb. He's more than halfway up already.
Lieberjosch: But Remedy is back up again, and he runs up the red ladder to get to the top turnbuckle in a flash.
Vinegar: Monroe takes flight, and knocks the blue ladder over with a well-placed dropkick! The ladder ends up leaning on the ropes and Moss drops into a heap on the mat
Lieberjosch: Remy picks him up onto his shoulders and drops him gut-first onto the ladder.
Vinegar: Remedy now hits the ropes and directs a running boot directly to side of Moss's head as he hangs over the ladder.
Lieberjosch: The Auteur is crumpled on the mat and Remedy is free to pick the blue ladder back up and set it into place.
Vinegar: And he is taking his time to do so.
Lieberjosch: He's about to take one step closer to winning his first singles title in front of a hometown crowd, he's letting them all soak it in.
Vinegar: But he's also let Moss start crawling over towards the ladder. Remy leisurely makes his way almost to the top of the ladder, but just as his hand starts to reach up towards the belt, he looks down the other side to see the determined face of Moss Edwards inching up towards him.
Lieberjosch: But his confidence is only strengthened by seeing how damaged Edwards is. He swings himself around to the other side to stomp onto The Tastemaker's head and push him back down. Remy starts to climb again.
Vinegar: But a few stomps are not going to stop Edwards. He grabs the bottom of the ladder and tips it over. It lands on the ropes again, while Remy easily lands on his feet, and a look of exasperation is starting to become very clear.
Lieberjosch: He throws a clothesline, and Moss ducks under and rolls towards the blue ladder. Remy charges forward again, but Moss jumps over the rope down to the ground to avoid him.
Vinegar: Not to avoid him, Hans, Moss drags the rope down as far with him as it will go and then releases it, slingshotting the ladder into Remedy! Moss lands near the white ladder and he lays it like a bridge between the apron and the barricade.
Lieberjosch: Now Moss climbs back onto the apron and grapples with Remy. He's trying to suplex him over the rope onto the ladder. But Remy manages to keep his feet planted, and reverses it to bring Moss back into the ring.
Vinegar: Remy stops to pump up the crowd again, then pulls Moss up by his arm. I think I know what his new gameplan is, Hans.
Lieberjosch: He pulls him into the Purge! Remy is going to attack the leg so Moss can't climb up after him!
Vinegar: He's made a tactical mistake though. This move leaves his back to his opponent's arms, which isn't a huge issue when they can't reach him. But when they CAN reach a ladder...
Lieberjosch: Moss slides the blue ladder into the back of Remy's head to break the hold before too much damage can be done!
Vinegar: Remy has kept up a good plan of attack, but as is often the case, the more veteran performer had the better sense of ring awareness. But who will get the advantage next? And what condition will the winner of this match be in when they still have to face Zane Scott?
Lieberjosch: Remedy is the first to his feet by a large margin. And he slips out of the ring, eying the white ladder.
Vinegar: I think he's viewing Moss's defense as an insult, and he's going to use his own tactics against him. He climbs up onto the white ladder and steps back from the apron as Moss is still struggling to his feet.
Lieberjosch: Remy Monroe is not known for his aerial manuevers, Nicholas. If he's thinking a springboard here, this could be interesting.
Vinegar: We'll find out in a moment, Hans. Monroe charges the length of the ladder. Edwards snaps out of his daze and hits the it with a baseball slide! The ladder shifts under Monroe's feet and throws off his balance.
Lieberjosch: And his momentum carries him, jaw first, to the edge of ring.
Vinegar: Monroe's head bounces off the apron, and Moss gives a familiar tap to the side of his own. He was letting Remy make the first move and planning his response.
Lieberjosch: Now Edwards sets up the blue ladder and starts to climb again.
Vinegar: Remy shakes off the cobwebs and leaps back into the ring. He's climbing up the other side!
Lieberjosch: The two have met at the top of the ladder, just inches away from the title belt.
Vinegar: They're trading punches, each blow making the ladder shake a bit. Remy blocks a right hand and slams Moss's head down against the top rung!
Lieberjosch: The Auteur slumped in front of him, Remedy stretches to his full height, trying to get a good grip on the belt!
Vinegar: He's got a hold of it, but he has to actually have it off the hook and in his hands! He's taking one more step up to get to the hook!
Lieberjosch: And this is when Moss Edwards reaches underneath his leg and pulls him over onto his shoulders! He wraps another arm around Remy's head. He is not going to...
Vinegar: YES HE IS! POSTCARD FROM OBLIVION FROM THE TOP OF THE LADDER!
Lieberjosch: Mein gott! They crash to the mat, and I don't think Monroe is going to get back up.
Vinegar: Edwards gingerly pulls himself off of Remy and up the ladder. And you are right, Hans, he is not getting up.
Lieberjosch: Moss reaches up and unhooks the belt!
DING DING DING!
Dennis: Your winner, moving on to face Zane Scott, MOOOOSSSS EEEEEDWAAAARDS!
Vinegar: Remy Monroe brought his best here tonight, but just has he has done all year, The Puppetmaster found his opening and made his move.
Lieberjosch: But he is out of openings, Nicholas, after this last break, he is about to run into the wall.
Ezra Wade walks proudly through the tailgating crowd, showing his belt off for five fives and fist bumps, posing for pictures, and finally feeling like a big deal. He stops by a pick up truck and snags a hotdog from the grill. He signs posters, programs, and pictures. He is returning a devil horn and a wooo to some fans when a car door suddenly swings open and knocks him to the ground.
Sheena Ramone scurries out of the car picks his Chaos Title off the ground. She slams the door shut and places the belt on her shoulder. She walks away smiling. “Gonna win two titles today, fuckers.”
STIP 1 CHOSEN
The camera spins through some quick cuts of the festival crowd in all their rowdy glory before settling onto a large stage area set up only a small distance from the ring. Grace Harding and Colin Davis stand next to another lottery tumbler filled with orbs. Grace picks up a microphone and addresses the catcalling crowd.
Grace: “Let's get this out of the way first. Yes I am hot and no I am not going to show you any skin. Today is a celebration of technical wrestling skill in honor of the Cross-Hemisphere Championship.”
Colin picks up his mic. “Who's ready for some real wrestling?” The crowd cheers. “I didn't hear you. I said...WHO'S READY FOR SOME WRESTLING!” The crowd cheers. Colin smiles. Grace looks at him like he's sprouted a second head then lifts her own mic.
“Yes. Well. As you are all aware, today each match will have a randomly chosen stipulation. And choosing those stipulations will be...dignitaries....from the UGWC Universe. So let me introduce, to announce the first stipulation, UGWC Director of Human Resources, Robert Ooley!”
The crowd boos the arrival of Ooley onto stage. He sneers at them and yanks the mic out of Grace's hand. “Ol Bob was about to say this was going to be a fight between two bitches, but looking at the field of participants in today's festivities, that would quickly become a redundant statement.”
Ooley reaches into the tumbler and retrieves a ball. “The two skanks are going to have a submission match. Ol Bob suggests everyone hit up the beer tent, this is going to be a long day.”
SHEENA v DESMONA (SUBMISSION)
Vinegar: Well folks, we had quite the eventful first day of WrestleStock, and here on Day Two we have already seen the Chaos Championship change hands.
The Ramones. “Sheena is a Punk Rocker.” Even if it was assigned to the jobber of all jobbers, a Ramones song cannot help but get the crowd pumped up for what is coming next. And what, or rather who, is coming next, is Sheena Ramone. She struts through down the entry ramp, flush with self-satisfaction at her successful ambush in the parking lot. She has the belt slung over her shoulder.
Vinegar: And it just so happens that one of our first two combatants is the holder of that Championship.
Lieberjosch: Yes, ladies and gentlemen, if you missed the opening minutes of our broadcast, you may be surprised to learn that Sheena Ramone, the one and the same, has actually managed to already get her hands on a title belt.
Vinegar: One could likely assume that this might lead to an increase in the Punk Chick's confidence, and maybe finally be the engine that drives her to further success.
Lieberjosch: But remember that this day is all about skill, and despite her bio's insistence to the contrary, Sheena is not known for her technical prowess. And we have already learned that the first contest is a submission match.
Evanescence. “Haunted”. The Mistress of Pain walks down the ramp with purpose, her hair pulled back tight and her fists balled up tightly. For the most part she ignores the rabble trying to touch her from the crowd.
Vinegar: With all her time spent at the Dungeon of Pain recently, you have to believe that Desmona's conditioning is at an all time high these days. With an entire field of competition left in front of her, it is going to have to be.
Lieberjosch: And the Witchy Woman's bio doesn't have to try and fool me into thinking she's technically gifted in direct conflict with her central gimmick. She has every tool needed to go all the way tonight. If I was a betting man...
Vinegar: IF?
Lieberjosch: If I was a betting man who actually had money to bet, I'm saying this right here and now, The Mistress of Pain would be my dark horse pick.
Vinegar: And you may have noticed that we did not have any ring announcements on the entrances, that is because tonight we are giving every pairing the big match treatment. Now that both ladies are settled in the ring, here it comes.
Dennis: The following contest is the first of five gauntlet series matches that will determine the Cross-Hemisphere Champion! Introducing first, she is the current Chaos Champion, residing in Liverpool, England, and weighing 130 pounds, SHEEEENA RAAAMOOOOOONE! And her opponent, residing in Hartford Connecticut, weighing 138 pounds, CAAAALYPSOOOOO DESMOOOONAAAA!
As chosen by Robert Ooley, this will be contested as a Submissions Match. Disqualifications, rope breaks, and count outs are still in effect, but pinfalls will not be counted. Do both competitors understand?
Vinegar: Both ladies nod their heads, Sam Green officiating this opening contest. He calls for the bell.
DING!
Vinegar: And Sheena is quick to take the advantage, throwing Desmona into a headlock.
Lieberjosch: But the Mistress remains calm, sneaks an arm underneath her leg, and lifts her up before depositing her in a sort of makeshift sit out bomb. This is the skill that comes from so many years of proximity to the Chief Lord Nigga.
Vinegar: Ramone back to her feet, and she shoots behind Cal to go for a hammerlock. Now, with the proper leverage, this could be a good weardown hold. But Desmona is able to again get purchase underneath the Profane Princess and flips her over onto her back. Attitude adjusted.
Lieberjosch: Calypso tries to clamp on a cross armbar to the prone Ramone but she is quick to shove a foot into the ropes. Both ladies get to their feet, and now it's clear that Sheena is going to stick to what she knows.
Vinegar: Indeed. Sheena unleashes a flurry of right hands, hammering down on Calypso's head and neck to push her within kneeing distance. And now lifting said knee up into the Witch's chest repeatedly
Lieberjosch: The advantage of attacking someone's chest is that it knocks the wind out of them, and that leaves them at your mercy, so to speak.
Vinegar: The stunned Mistress of Pain sinks to her knees and is unable to fight off Ramone as she uneasily slips her hands under her chin and pulls.
Lieberjosch: I believe she's trying to get a submission off a chinlock. Desmona can actually use this as an opportunity to catch her breath.
Vinegar: Now the Mistress throws elbows backwards, connecting with Sheena's sides and breaking her grip. Calypso bounds off the mat and hits the ropes on the opposite side. But Ramone shakes it off and breaks into a charge of her own, she catches Desmona with a diving shoulder to the gut. Follows that up with some heavy stomping.
Lieberjosch: I was about to say that she's sticking to what brought her to the dance, but that was a lack of roster depth.
Vinegar: I think some people may be impressed with Sheena's showing thus far, Hans. After all, she's gotten hold of the Chaos Title, and she's been steadily in control of her more experienced opponent this whole match.
Lieberjosch: Sam Green giving her a five count to let up on the stomping, she has to remember that disqualifications are still in effect.
Vinegar: Calypso getting the chance to try and get to her feet. Sheena is right behind her and grabs the arms. Full nelson!
Lieberjosch: No one has gotten a win with a full nelson since 1983.
Vinegar: Desmona wriggling free, so that streak continues.
Lieberjosch: But Sheena grabs her by the pony tail and whips her to the mat. Now she seems to be pondering her next move.
Vinegar: Ramone's lack of preparation is starting to show. If she moves on today, she will have to be able to go move for move, no time for pondering. Sheena shrugs, guess she's chosen....
Lieberjosch:............is that a?
Vinegar: ….yep....she's using a nerve hold.
Lieberjosch: Now, someone versed in pressure points can do that effectively. Someone who is not versed in pressure points just looks like they are giving their opponents a massage.
Vinegar: Sam Green asking Calypso if she wants to submit and she looks at him like he's crazy. I think she's slightly offended by this turn of events. The Mistress of Pain takes ahold of Sheena's arm and gets her feet underneath her. Judo flip! Calypso hits the ropes while Sheena gets up. Cal nails her with a clothesline and follows her to the mat.
Lieberjosch: She's synching it up. HANDS OF FATE! Just as good as any the Lord himself has applied.
Vinegar: They are smack dab in the middle of the ring, there is nowhere for Sheena to go. She struggles for a good moment, but there is nothing to do but tap out.
DING DING DING!
Dennis: The winner of this contest, and moving on in the gauntlet to face Moss Edwards, CAAAALYPSO DEESMOOONAAA!
Vinegar: Calypso not letting go of the hold right away.
Lieberjosch: She is giving back all the punishment Sheena tried to inflict on her. Look at the way she's cranking on the arm.
Vinegar: Finally Calypso lets go and allows herself to soak in some of the crowd's cheers while she makes her way back up the ramp. She'll get a short bit of time to rest, but in the meanwhile we are going to learn what kind of match she will be having with the current Cross-Hemisphere Champion.
Lieberjosch: Someone's coming in through the crowd. It's that paint huffer.
Vinegar: Enigma is coming to the ring to check on his girlfriend Sheena. Or is that his Saint Jimmy facepaint?
Lieberjosch: Does it really matter? In the grand scheme of things? I submit that it does not. And now he's grabbing the Chaos Championship and leaving her?
Vinegar: I think Enigma decided Sheena was a walking target after being placed in that Hands of Fate, and so he's going to defend the belt instead today.
Lieberjosch: She laid down for him like this was Russo's WCW.
SIDE STAGE 1
Charity and Patience take the stage to cheers and catcalls.
“Thank you for coming to WrestleStock! Now, we were given the job of coming up with something to fill the time between the gauntlet matches. And we thought, what is everyone's favorite kind of festival? A music festival! So we made some calls to our friends in the campus programming boards and I think you'll all be pretty stoked about our main stage bands today.
Please welcome to the stage...CHROMEO!”
EZRA TRIES TO RECLAIM HIS BELT
Covert Jay is out on the festival grounds, interviewing people and showing off all the things I would love to describe if I had time, which I don't. So just use your imaginations, people!
Anyway, while showing off some of the merchandise tables, Jay is nearly bowled over by the flying body of Enigma/Green Day Song. The camera whips towards the other side of the tent and sees the cause of the interruption, a very upset Ezra Wade.
“Your stupid girlfriend hit me with a damn car! But if she wants you to take her ass-whupping instead. I guess that's okay too.”
Ezra jumps onto the gimmick table and springs off of it to kick Enigma in the face with the Beautimous. He then picks up the title belt and walks away. Jay and the crew catch up to him.
Jay. “That was quite the display of ninja revenge skills.”
Wade. “It is going to take a lot more than a car door to take this baby away from me. I'm planning on holding on to it the rest of the weekend and I'd like to see someone stop me!” He slams a hand against it for emphasis, causing it to light up and play a tinny version of Monster Magnet's “Bummer.”
Jay. “Oh, I forgot to tell you folks at home. We're having a clearance on toy title belts.”
Wade. “Well, shit.”
They race back to the gimmick tables but Ezra can't find his belt anywhere. The merchant gets his attention. “Oh, y'all lookin' for the real belt? Some hairy guy's got it.”
Jay.”Hairy guy?”
Merchant. “Yeah, some hobo lookin' fella was diggin' through the trash for food, and after y'all ran off he came over here, picked it up, and went skipping the other way saying somethin' about movin' out of the basement.”
Wade. “Shit again.”
STIP 2 CHOSEN
Grace Harding and Colin Davis step back onto the stage. Colin speaks first. “Let's hear it for Calypso Desmona, huh? Moving on to the second round, I'm sure everyone at her gym must be very proud. This is a great day so far, I'm glad you all could make it.”
Grace cuts him off. “And now it is time to find out what kind of match Calypso will meet incumbent champion Moss Edwards in next. And here to pick the stipulation, straight from the autograph booth, GIW Commentator Daniel Hanson!”
A good nostalgia pop greets Daniel Hanson, who still exudes a rakish charm even with the addition of a few extra pounds. “Hello WrestleStock. I would like to start by saying hello to Nicholas Vinegar, and extending a heartfelt fuck you to Hans Lieberjosch and Covert Jay. And now, what you were all waiting for, besides Grace possibly having a nipple slip, the stipulation for Moss v Calypso...Catch? Who the hell put catch in here? This is going to be a disaster. But a damn fun one. I can't wait. And hey, ladies....call me.”
MOSS V CALYPSO – CATCH
Vinegar: And welcome back to the in-ring portion of Cross-Hemisphere Day.
Lieberjosch: Article 71- Rock concerts don't belong on wrestling shows.
Vinegar: Normally I would agree with you, Hans, but WrestleStock is obviously not like other shows. And I think the crowd here in New Orleans Park is highly appreciative of what they have seen thus far, both in the ring and on the stage.
Evanescence “Haunted”. Calypso Desmona steps onto the ramp with even more confidence and determination after her first round win. She stomps down to the ring, scowling at a few audience members whose catcalls reach her ears.
Vinegar: The Mistress of Pain showed her resiliency in the first contest of the day, but now she will get to show her skill as well.
Lieberjosch: She's been scouting her opponents, showing a real championship drive. Can you imagine, the Mistress and Lord of Pain, standing together at the end of WrestleStock with the top two titles in the industry?
Vinegar: An impressive thought to be sure.
Coheed and Cambria. “Ten Speed”. Moss Edwards steps out onto the entryway to a big pop. He has ditched his office wear for his old trunks, and he stops at the top of the ramp to survey the crowd, pleased at their size and energy. He slaps hands on his way down to the ring.
Vinegar: And here comes the defending champion, and the designer of the day's random chance format.
Lieberjosch: That random chance has already thrown him one spanner, Nicholas, by putting him this early in the series. I'm sure he was hoping the lottery would justify him sticking all his opponents at the beginning of the day and letting him pick up the scraps at the end.
Vinegar: If he wanted to do that, Hans, he wouldn't have bothered with the lottery in the first place. I think once and for all, win or lose, Moss Edwards is going to silence the critics who think he has booked himself into favorable situations.
Dennis: The following contest is the second of five gauntlet-style matches for the Cross-Hemisphere Championship. Introducing first, from Hollywood California, weighing in at 182 pounds, MOOOOOSSSS EEEEDWAAARDS! And his opponent, the current advancing competitor, CAAAALYPSO DESMOOOONAAAA!
As chosen by Daniel Hanson, this will be contested as a Catch-as-Catch-Can Match! Pinfalls and submissions will be counted, Rope breaks will NOT be enforced, and if a participant leaves the ring, they will be disqualified. Do both competitors understand?
Vinegar: An interesting set of rules, meant to simulate wrestling's early days of carnival grappling. Senior Official Owen Peterson is double-checking with Calypso that she is ready to begin.
Lieberjosch: To recap for our viewers, this match can be won by pinfall, submission, or ring out.
Covert Jay: Like Soul Caliber!
Lieberjosch: Why aren't you out on the grounds?
Covert Jay: I had to come back to get my lunch box. Carnival food upsets my stomach. I got to get back though, we're about to put Tate Levene in the dunk booth! Later guys!
DING!
Vinegar: And with that, we begin this one fall to a finish, catch rules contest.
Lieberjosch: This kind of match will favor the hold-counterhold approach, which Moss is very adept at but do not forget that Calypso is spending most of her time in a training environment alongside Donovan Hastings and Christopher Peterson, two highly skilled mat technicians in their own right.
Vinegar: And she is also small enough to slip through Edwards' grasp, as she avoids his attempt at a collar and elbow tie up and instead moves around behind him. She shoots an arm up under his own and pulls it back into a high chickenwing.
Lieberjosch: Moss rolls into the hold, and spins out to reverse it into an arm wringer.
Vinegar: Calypso reversing it into her own armbar, but Moss keeps moving through to a judo arm drag, landing the Witchy Woman onto her tailbone. He tries to follow it with a kick to the side of the head but she ducks and rolls under, pulling him down to the mat with a schoolboy.
Lieberjosch: He rolls...I get a feeling we are going to be using the words roll and reverse a lot, and for that I apologize but it's the kind of match we have here....he rolls over to his knees and grabs her into a front facelock. Standing up, he lifts her for a vertical suplex.
Vinegar: Calypso's flexibility coming into play, she's able to hit him with a knee to the head and drop back down to her feet, and she hits her own snap suplex.
Lieberjosch: Calypso using the momentum to float over into a mounting position, and she drops a few right hands down onto the face of the UGWC Creative Director.
Vinegar: Moss catching her fist, and then gets another hand up to stop her on the left side. He pushes her up enough to bring his knees closer to himself, then pulls her down to drive them into her sternum.
Lieberjosch: But now he has Calypso propped up on his knees like a toddler playing airplane, not much either can do from this position.
Vinegar: But Moss is already at work changing that, he's pulling her arms up and switching them, holding her left with his right and vice versa.
Lieberjosch: Still not an actual hold though...mein gott!
Vinegar: Moss pushes with all his leg strength and unfolds Calypso's arms, and manages flip her over onto her back! Now he is pulling back on her arms and pushing against her with his legs in a sort of upside down surfboard!
Lieberjosch: Calypso's arms and shoulders are going to take a lot of damage if she stays in this position too long, and with the Tastemaker's Motivation submission always looming, she can't afford that. She is managing to stay calm, though, and is trying to shift her weight and get her feet back onto the mat.
Vinegar: She does manage to make contact with the mat, and pushes off to backflip over Edwards and land above his head. She lifts on his arms to sit him up, and drives alternating knees into his spine. He's working his way up to feet, and she pulls the arms back behind him like a test of strength gone wrong.
Lieberjosch: So far, the Mistress of Pain has been able to match Edwards step for step, but you have to wonder how long she can keep up with this pace having already had one match.
Vinegar: The Auteur kicks backwards, landing a boot into her midsection. He pulls his arms forward to draw her head underneath his arm. Could be going for a bulldog, no, he's rolling around behind her and tripping up her legs.
Lieberjosch: A classic Tiger Spin, and notice how Moss keeps her ankles wrapped up with his own feet so he can transition into another hold. He's locking her into place and grabbing her by the chin before leaning back into a painful Romero-style chinlock! She digs her fingernails into his hands as she struggles to break his grip.
Vinegar: She throws an elbow back and catches Moss on the chin, breaking the holding, and she uses his feet entanglement against him, rolling him over easily onto his stomach. Now Calypso grabs onto
his foot and stands up for leverage. Textbook ankle lock being applied.
Lieberjosch: Notice Moss scrambling to get his hands and free foot underneath him before The Mistress can set it in more tightly . A big part of these sorts of matches is keeping control of your body. The more freedom of movement you can hold onto, the more options you will have to get out of the submission.
Vinegar: He manages to push himself up off the mat, almost standing up on that leg. Enziguri! The Tastemaker rocks her with that kick to the side of the head, and she falls to her knees.
Lieberjosch: And Moss is right there to capitalize, trying to lock up her arms and force her down into the Motivation! Desmona wisely keeping herself in motion, forcing Moss to approach her from every angle. The Motivation requires him to capture his opponent with both his arms and his legs, and you can see why he does not normally try to apply it from this position.
Vinegar: Calypso gets her own hold of Edwards, and rolls him into a small package! Owen Peterson immediately there to count the pin!
1! 2!
Lieberjosch: Edwards kicks out but immediately catches Calypso before she can stand and stacks her up crucifix-style!
1! 2!
Vinegar: The Witchy Woman kicks out and grabs hold of Moss's legs, flips over into a jackknife pin!
1! 2!
Lieberjosch: Moss pushes her off and rolls her into a Majestrol Cradle!
1! 2!
Vinegar: Calypso kicks out and both competitors roll away from each other. After nonstop action, they finally stop and take a breath, and this crowd erupts in applause what they have seen thus far.
Lieberjosch: As well they should, Nicholas. If every match we had to watch was full of real technical wrestling, I wouldn't be so grumpy all the time.
Vinegar: Calypso getting to her feet, propping herself up on the top rope, that rapid pace is indeed catching up to her. Moss seeing her position, and he springs into action, charging forward and looking for that Shining Prince!
Lieberjosch: Calypso realizes the predicament and dives out of the way as Moss's feet leave the mat. He adjusts midair and lands on the middle rope.
Vinegar: The Auteur springs off but has a rough landing as Calypso meets him with a kick to the stomach. He doubles over, and she grabs him by the head and signals for the Kissed By Chaos DDT! She leaps up, but doesn't come back down.
Lieberjosch: Moss reaching up and holding her aloft, and turning to deposit her over the top rope!
Vinegar: The Mistress manages to grab the top rope and land her feet on the apron but she does not want to spend any length of time out there. OO! She just slapped the taste out of Moss's mouth.
Lieberjosch: Moss turned away from the ropes, showing us all the imprint left on the side of his face. Now Calypso slips back into the ring and follows that slap up with a running bulldog, driving the Auteur into the mat.
Vinegar: She doesn't give him the chance to get back up, reaching straight for his arm and yanking it into a vicious looking crowbar.
Lieberjosch: She's using her own body as a fulcrum point for hyperextending the arm, extremely painful. Again, though, watch how The Puppetmaster controls his body and finds a way to alleviate the bulk of the pressure. He's turning his body, propping himself up onto his other shoulder.
Vinegar: Cal knows that the move just lost it's effectiveness and changes tact, reaching over and grabbing his other arm, yanking them back into another surfboard.
Lieberjosch: Moss stands back up. He tries to kick backwards again, but she learned from the first time, and catches his foot. She slams it to the mat, DDT style, causing him to crash down along with it.
Vinegar: And that gives Calypso a new potential target. She grabs his leg and looks to extend it with a stretch muffler, but Moss uses his free leg to sweep her feet out before she can set it.
Lieberjosch: Moss tries to follow that up with a knee drop but she rolls and he only connects with the mat. Calypso reaches up and yanks The Creative Director down into The Hands of Fate! Moss struggling to keep her from locking his arms into place.
Vinegar: The Auteur's advantages in strength, size, and overall freshness are coming into play, it's all Calypso can do to keep him grounded, let alone properly hook in the hold. It's like trying to control a thrashing carp.
Lieberjosch: Carp?
Vinegar: Wait, while Moss has been in motion, he's managed to subtly reverse the leverage and sneak a hand behind her head.
Lieberjosch: And now with a snap he catches her arm and drives HER to the mat in a Crossface!
Vinegar: Moss is really cranking back, and now it's Calypso who is scrambling across the mat trying to reduce the pressure being put on her neck and shoulder! She's slowly inching closer to the edge of the ring while The Tastemaker makes her fight for every little bit of progress. Her fingers finally touch the bottom rope.
Lieberjosch: But that's no help in this match, Nick. Owen Peterson asking Moss to let go of the hold, but Moss shakes his head and tells Peterson he knows the rule.
Vinegar: Owen checking with Calypso, but she refuses to give up. She reaches up for the second one, trying to get some leverage, and then for the third one. She's almost managed to get up to her feet, and Edwards's grip is slipping.
Lieberjosch: Calypso bites his hand to break the hold! But the damage is done, look at her arm dangling.
Vinegar: Moss trying to pull her back off the ropes, she responds with the Hastings Superkick! Using her good arm to thumb The Auteur in the eye, and with a sudden inspiration reaches for the back of his head while he's stunned and tries to chuck him over the rope!
Lieberjosch: Moss catches the middle rope and manages to hang off the edge of the apron. The Mistress of Pain sees him down there though and starts stomping and kicking at him, trying to push him off onto the floor.
Vinegar: He's holding on tight, but she is laying vicious kicks into his chest and face, and each one is causing him to tip ever so slightly closer over the edge.
Lieberjosch: He catches her foot, and uses the force of her own kick to throw her off balance. Now he's...threading I suppose I would call it...threading her leg between the ring ropes.
Vinegar: Moss hopping back into the ring, what does he have planned for his newly-trapped opponent?
Lieberjosch: He jams his knee right between her shoulder blades and starts to yank back on the leg! It's an elevated half crab with the ropes providing an extra fulcrum to extend against! And there is absolutely nowhere for Calypso to go!
DING DING DING!
Vinegar: Owen Peterson calling for the bell, I'm not sure I saw or heard The Mistress officially submit but any longer and that leg could have been broken.
Dennis: The winner of this contest, by referee stoppage, and moving on to face John Russo, MOOOOSSS EEEDDDDWAAAARDS!
Vinegar: Moss and Owen work together to extricate Calypso from the ropes and get her to her feet. She leans against Owen for support and accepts a nod of acknowledgement from the victor.
Lieberjosch: We may not get to see Hastings and Desmona as simultaneous champions, but at least we got to see a fantastic contest.
Vinegar: You are just in heaven right now, aren't you Lars?
Lieberjosch: It was like Article 17, On The Standards of European Grappling, brought to life.
PIERCING MEDIA TENT
Jay is on location at the Piercing Media Network's booth. Jet Somers is currently owning all comers on a free Dance Dance Revolution machine while Travis chats with fans at his signing table. Pepper Phoenix is being ignored by everyone despite his best efforts to give them his latest “news.” Suddenly a very angry Charity is standing behind him.
“Pepper, did you tell people that they could sign my chest today?”
Pepper pretends he doesn't notice her, but a distinct look of anxiety crosses his face. She continues. “Because an awful lot of people have been telling me to lift up my shirt, and when I ask them why, your name seems to pop up.”
Pepper turns to face her and they argue, but the camera moves away to someone asking Travis to sign their football. Travis. “That seems pretty random, but what the hell. Here you go, buddy. Hey, go long!”
The fan runs to the other side of the dirt path and Travis lets the ball go...right as CajoolZ is skipping by the booth. The ball drills him straight between the eyes and he stumbles into the tent. Charity slaps the taste out of Pepper's mouth after he makes another comment about her chest, and he stumbles the other direction. CajoolZ falls down, and Pepper falls on top of him. Travis leads the crowd in chanting “1 2 3!” then picks Pepper off the ground and hands him the Chaos Title. Pepper runs laps around the tent shouting that he's a champion until Jet, coming over to see what all the shouting was about, offhandedly mentions “Wow. That big guy is going to be pissed when he sees you with that belt.”
The color leaves Pepper's face. “Jet, you have to pin me.”
Jet. “I promised Moss I wouldn't do stuff like that.”
He runs over to Travis. “You have to pin me, I can't be Chaos Champion, not here. I'd be a walking target, pin me real quick.”
Travis. “I am a competitor and an honest man, Pepper. I only pin people that I meet on the field of battle.” He stands up and shakes Pepper's hand. “I'm sorry.”
Pepper. “I understand.”
Travis pulls him in and lifts him onto his shoulders. “No, I mean I'm sorry about this.” He drops Pepper down and hits him with the Signing Off, then picks up the Chaos Title to the cheers of the crowd.
SIDE STAGE 2
“Ladies and gentlemen....LUDO!”
TATE GETS THE BELT
Travis Pierces steps out of a portajohn and is grabbed around the neck by Paul Cockatoo. The Original Aboriginal tosses him onto the ground and tries to drop an elbow on him but only hits the dirt. Travis nails him with the Truth Hurts and knocks him into the outhouse. Not even ten seconds later, Brandon McSkinny is charging at him with a 2x4. Travis dodges him, trips him, and lets gravity take care of the rest. He yells at the camera crew following him. “See, if I was just some regular hardcore shlub with bad hair and a dirty t-shirt, this wouldn't be happening. But being such a recognizable star while holding the Chaos Belt, it's been a bit of a buzzkill. I had to cut my signing short because people just keep coming out of the woodwork to...”
Travis, paying too much attention to his crew, does not see the golf cart barrel up from behind him until it has already knocked him to the ground. Inside the cart sit Old Lady Levene and her grandson Tate.
OLL “Oh dear, do you think that man is alright?”
Tate “That's Travis Pierce! He's the Chaos Champion right now!”
OLL “Good for him.”
Tate gets out of the cart and picks up the title.
OLL “Tate, put that down, you don't know where it's been.”
Tate “Gram, it's vigilante rules this weekend.”
OLL “I don't care if it's Georgia Rules this weekend, we are running very late. I have an important duty and I can't waste time watching you pick every shiny thing off the ground.”
Tate jumps into the cart, belt across his lap. They take off. Travis stands up and dusts himself off. “Wait just a tick, there. I never said I didn't WANT the damn thing.” He looks at his crew. “To be continued, my friends.”
STIP 3 CHOSEN
Colin steps onto the stage. “Are you guys all having a good time?” They roar in approval. “Well it is only going to get better from here. Who's ready to find out what the next stipulation is going to be? Well, we have a very special guest to choose this match. Everyone please welcome a sweet old lady to the stage, Mrs. Levene!”
Tate leads his Grandma onto the stage and proudly holds up the Chaos Championship. She takes the microphone. “Put that down Tate,no one likes a braggart. Now I am here, my you are a tall glass of water aren't you? Of course, with that hair, you're probably more familiar with glasses of beer. Now then, where was I, oh yes. The little lottery ball. It says....Thief's Honor. My, for the life of me I do not know what that means but it sounds dreadful. Nothing I want Tate to have anything to do with. Come along, young man.”
RUSSO vs MOSS
Volbeat. “A Warrior's Call.” John Russo charges down the ramp, slapping the hands of people who are still happy to see him. A slight bit of paunch is starting to creep onto his frame but he still exudes a youthful energy.
Vinegar: Russo started the year with a lot of momentum but it has died down considerably the past few months. Perhaps a good showing here at WrestleStock would kick things back into gear for him.
Lieberjosch: Don't sugarcoat things, Nicholas. Russo has become a punchline. After a great second match, this series is about to take a downturn.
Coheed and Cambria. “Ten Speed.” The crowd erupts for Moss's second entrance of the night. He stops halfway down the ramp to snatch a cigarette out of the mouth of someone in the crowd and stomps it into the ground, gesturing in the direction of the smoking tents.
Lieberjosch: See? The Auteur is so unintimidated by Russo that he's taking a time out to enforce his Clean Air Policy.
Vinegar: But once Edwards gets into the ring, rest assured that Russo will have his full attention.
Dennis: The following contest is the third of five gauntlet series matches to determine the Cross-Hemisphere Champion. Introducing first, from San Diego California, JOOOOOHN RUUUSSOOOOO! And his opponent, the current advancing competitor, MOOOOOSS EDWAAAARDS!
As chosen by Old Lady Levene, this will be contested as a Thief's Honor Match. Pinfalls and submissions will not be counted. Count outs and disqualifications are still in effect. The first competitor to successfully perform his opponent's finishing maneuver will be declared the winner. Do both competitors understand?
Vinegar: Hazel East will be officiating this third match, which comes with an interesting twist. You have to think that of all the moves to try and hit on a person, their own finisher would be the one that would be the hardest.
Lieberjosch: And the most insulting.
DING!
Vinegar: Both men meeting in the center of the ring to shake hands, a fine show of sportsmanship.
Lieberjosch: Don't fall for that, Nick. Each man was hoping to draw the other one in for the quick advantage, and both land simultaneous kicks to the gut!
Vinegar: Russo, the fresher man, recovers first, and follows it up with a stiff clothesline. Then immediately bounces off the ropes to deliver a knee drop across the throat of the Creative Director. Moss getting back to his feet, but Russo is right behind him. Belly to back suplex, then floating over to a front facelock.
Lieberjosch: This is probably the most offense Russo has gotten in at least a month, maybe ALL his opponents should have to fight another match first.
Vinegar: Moss trying to push himself back up to his feet, but Russo drops him with a DDT. John Russo came here with something to prove, Hans, especially to the people like you've who have written him off. Now he's climbing the turnbuckle, waiting for Moss to roll onto his back. Leaping off, looking for an elbow drop.
Lieberjosch: But The Auteur keeps rolling, and Russo the nicknameless marvel crashes onto the mat.
Vinegar: Both men getting up, Edwards throws out a rolling elbow but it is dodged by Russo.
Lieberjosch: And then he turns around into The Super Kick!
Vinegar: John Russo is really laying into Edwards here, Hans.
Lieberjosch: But it doesn't matter how much damage he does if he can't hit him with the finisher.
Vinegar: He's going to try now, I think. He's picking Moss up onto his shoulders, I guess his plan is to slide him back into position from that elevated position.
Lieberjosch: But Edwards grabs for him as soon as he starts to slide him down, he gets ahold of the arm and swings his legs around.
Vinegar: He's placing Russo in a Christo headscissors!
Lieberjosch: Besides the pain of the hold itself, you have to contend with their bodyweight. Russo's knees are buckling.
Vinegar: John hits the mat and The Tastemaker starts shifting his grip, trying to transition into a Guillotine, Russo's version of a Gogolplata front choke. But Russo slips out before it's locked in.
Lieberjosch: And he scrambles backwards while that trademark Auteur smile crosses Moss's face now that he realizes that he has regained the advantage. If anyone would know every possible counter to their own moves, it would be Edwards.
Vinegar: Russo swings out with a clothesline, Edwards ducks and uses his own momentum against him, grabbing him by the head and charging him into the turnbuckle with that corner bulldog. Edwards picking Russo back up.
Lieberjosch: But John Russo surges up from underneath him, and grabs The Auteur's legs! He has him up in the position for the Spoiler Alert! He drops down!
Vinegar: But again, Moss shows that the move requires a bit more finesse than that, as he easily swings himself up to grab onto the ring ropes and Russo just lands on his knees! But Russo still has hold of his legs, he stands back up and OUCH!
Lieberjosch: Russo gives him the Bob Holly special, A flagrant kick to the nether regions. Hazel gives him a warning that he can still be disqualified, obviously she would rather see this match end with a finisher instead but she can't be too lenient.
Vinegar: John drags Edwards away from the ropes and picks him up. He's lifting him for a body slam but Moss floats over! Russo turns around.
Lieberjosch: Boot to the gut! STUNNING VICTORY!
DING DING DING!
Dennis: Here is your winner, moving on to face Remy Monroe, MOOOOSSS EEEEDWAAARDS!
Vinegar: Russo had a good showing but the incumbent champion has ultimately come one step closer to leaving WrestleStock with his belt.
Lieberjosch: John's fate was sealed the moment the stipulation was chosen. After all, everyone over the age of 12 already knows how to do a stunner.
SIDE STAGE 3
“Please give a warm WrestleStock welcome to...THE GO TEAM!”
STIP 4 CHOSEN
The crowd is confused when neither Grace nor Colin come onstage, but rather a very elegant and poised Mary Jo Roberts. “The TWiSTeD Heiress is sure that you are all wondering what you did to be graced with her presence this evening? Quite simply put, I informed the quote unquote Creative Department that MJ does not need babysitters to walk her over to the ball tumbler. You are going to see the true future of this industry, Remy Monroe, knock some old news out of the ring in the following match...a Ladder match? How dreadfully appropriate, let's watch Remy climb to the top!”
MOSS v REMY – Ladder
Vinegar: The sun is starting to set, creating a sky full of beautiful reds and purples and golds.
Lieberjosch: And that is going to be the perfect backdrop for the human car wreck we are about to witness.
Vinegar: After three rounds that tested our combatants technical skill, this contest is going to also test their agility and toughness. Who can fall from the highest heights and climb back up?
Spoon. “I Turn My Camera On.” The smooth bassline and crisp drumbeat start the crowd grooving, and the third entrance of Moss Edwards has a more celebratory feeling. He walks confidently down to the ring, slapping hands and commenting on the amazing weather.
Vinegar: Edwards changing up his music a bit, trying to keep the crowd reaction fresh. His new music that we heard before was more battle-ready, where as here he's stepping back to his more confident theme.
Lieberjosch: He's bypassed two opponents already, in what proved to be very physical battles. He needs to do whatever he can to put up a brave front or Remy will get the psychological advantage.
Sunna. “Power Struggle”. The crowd pops big as Remy Monroe steps onto the ramp. He holds his arms open wide, encouraging the crowd noise to grow louder before sliding into the ring and flashing a big smile at Moss.
Vinegar: Remedy of course already had a fine showing on Day One, and I'm sure he would like to follow that up with his first singles title.
Lieberjosch: And to do it here in Louisiana would be just icing on the cake. There is a very vocal hometown contingency here, of course I can't understand a word that vocal crowd is saying.
Vinegar: But no matter who you are supporting in the ring right now, you have to be excited at the prospect of this match. These two men possess similar skill sets, and so far neither has been in a ladder match here at UGWC, so I'm sure we will be seeing some interesting uses of the three ladders that have been set up around the ring.
Dennis: Ladies and gentlemen, this is the fourth of five gauntlet series matches to determine the Cross-Hemisphere Champion. Introducing first, the current advancing competitor, MOOOSSSS EEDWAAARDS! And his opponent, from Bon Temps, Louisiana, weighing in at 220 lbs, REEEEEMYYYY MOOOONROOOOOOEEE!
As chosen by Mary Jo Roberts, this will be contested as a Ladder Match! Pinfalls, submissions, count outs, and disqualifications will NOT be counted. The only way to win is to retrieve the title belt hanging above the ring. Do both competitors understand?
Vinegar: Brian Chartreuse will be the official here, but his only duty will be calling for the bell and declaring a winner.
DING!
Lieberjosch: And Mr Chartreuse does the smart thing and gets the heck out of there as soon as the bell sounds.
Vinegar: Moss and Remy circle each other, what do you think each man's tact is going to be in this match, Hans?
Lieberjosch: With Moss entering his third match of the night, Remy is going to want to keep the pace fast. And Moss is going to want to keep Remedy grounded.
Vinegar: Remy makes the first move, landing a forearm to Moss's temple. In one fluid motion, he throws a back elbow with the same arm. Follows that up with a high kick to knock Moss against the ropes. Remy is pushing his early advantage, just as you would have suggested, Hans.
Lieberjosch: Yes. Maybe he's not such a Cajun dunderhead after all. The accent made me wonder.
Vinegar: With Moss pressed against the ropes, Remy pins against him and lifts repeated knees into the midsection. Now he rears back, and lets loose a fierce chop.
Jay: WOOOOOOOOOO!
Lieberjosch: Can't you just give me one night? Just one night of happiness?
Jay: Sorry. Left my iPod charger here.
Lieberjosch: GO!
Vinegar: Another chop.
Jay: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Okay, I'm done, see you guys tomorrow!
Vinegar: Monroe takes a few steps back, and charges with a clothesline.
Lieberjosch: Moss ducks and lifts Remy up over the ropes, dumping him to the outside.
Vinegar: Now a suicide dive through the ropes, driving Monroe into the barricade. The Tastemaker looks down and sees one of the ladders.
Lieberjosch: For no real apparent reason, you'll notice that we have a red ladder, a white ladder, and a blue one. Moss picks up the red one.
Vinegar: But he left his back to Remedy, who now pushes him up against the side of the ring, making a very painful sandwich. Moss slumps to the ground, and Remy slides the ladder into the ring. He steps in after it, but Moss is right behind him, stopping on the apron.
Lieberjosch: Remy starts to pick up the ladder, and looks back to keep an eye on Moss...who chooses that moment to springboard off the rope looking for a flying clothesline!
Vinegar: Monroe quick to react, though, lifting the ladder up and shoving it into Moss's ribs! The Auteur falls to the mat and Monroe takes the chance setting up the red ladder. But it doesn't look like it's close enough to the belt.
Lieberjosch: That's because he knows he needs to do a bit more damage first. He grabs onto Moss's legs and slingshots him into the ladder! It tips backwards and falls onto the mat, bringing him with it.
Vinegar: Monroe has effectively shut Moss out of the opening minutes of this match. Why do you think that it?
Lieberjosch: Well, I'm not one to traffic in rumours...
Vinegar: You very much are, but go on.
Lieberjosch: Remitude has been linked to Dexter Vines and Mary Jo Roberts, to what extent it's hard to say. But if you were going to scout Moss Edwards, you could do worse than to get tips from his business partner and someone who knew him in GIW.
Vinegar: Whatever he did to prepare for this match, it is paying off thus far. Remy waits for Moss to get to his feet. Textbook Dropkick! Moss hits the mat and rolls back out of the ring. Now Remedy is more confident about his chances of reaching the belt. He settles the red ladder directly in the center of the ring and asks the crowd if he should climb.
Lieberjosch: One thing he hasn't learned yet from MJ Roberts, if you want sound advice, the crowd is probably your WORST resource.
Vinegar: But he's taking it anyway, starting the long climb up the ladder. He's about halfway up when Edwards reenters the ring, bringing the blue ladder with him. He tosses it like a caber at the red ladder!
Lieberjosch: The red ladder tips over, Remy jumps safely to the side.
Vinegar: And he hits the ground running, immediately setting into Edwards with a fine looking lariat.
Lieberjosch: Now it is Remy who has the blue ladder, and he's waiting for Moss to get to his feet.
Vinegar: Remy charging like a battering ram, but it's side stepped by The Tastemaker. Twist Ending! Moss snaps off a cutter and Remedy lands rather awkwardly on his ladder! And just like that, Edwards is back in this match.
Lieberjosch: It's his turn to set up the red ladder now, but Remy is already back up and catches him with a hard left. The red ladder falls over against the corner.
Vinegar: Remy Monroe laying into Moss with some boxing style body shots. Now he lifts him up and drops him onto the red ladder with that Textbook Spinebuster! Edwards nearly bent in half!
Lieberjosch: The Creative Director still cannot seem to get out of the gate, and after that slam he may be out of chances. Remy picks up the blue ladder and brings it over to the corner.
Vinegar: He's going to press him like a George Foreman grill.
Lieberjosch: Moss rolls off of the red ladder before they clang together. With a burst of speed, he leaps up and springs off the ropes, and lands a flash kick to the side of Monroe's head.
Vinegar: Remy staggers back into the ropes, and Moss sees an opening. Charges forward, Shining Prince connects! Monroe tumbles to the ground.
Lieberjosch: Edwards pushes the blue ladder to the side and inspects the red ladder. It's landed on the post and Moss seems amused by how it can pivot around the turnbuckle.
Vinegar: Remedy getting back to his feet down on the ground.
Lieberjosch: Moss sees him, and swings the red ladder around the post, causing it to swing down and crash into Remy's face and knock him back down.
Vinegar: Moss sets up the blue ladder under the belt, he gets his first chance to climb. He's more than halfway up already.
Lieberjosch: But Remedy is back up again, and he runs up the red ladder to get to the top turnbuckle in a flash.
Vinegar: Monroe takes flight, and knocks the blue ladder over with a well-placed dropkick! The ladder ends up leaning on the ropes and Moss drops into a heap on the mat
Lieberjosch: Remy picks him up onto his shoulders and drops him gut-first onto the ladder.
Vinegar: Remedy now hits the ropes and directs a running boot directly to side of Moss's head as he hangs over the ladder.
Lieberjosch: The Auteur is crumpled on the mat and Remedy is free to pick the blue ladder back up and set it into place.
Vinegar: And he is taking his time to do so.
Lieberjosch: He's about to take one step closer to winning his first singles title in front of a hometown crowd, he's letting them all soak it in.
Vinegar: But he's also let Moss start crawling over towards the ladder. Remy leisurely makes his way almost to the top of the ladder, but just as his hand starts to reach up towards the belt, he looks down the other side to see the determined face of Moss Edwards inching up towards him.
Lieberjosch: But his confidence is only strengthened by seeing how damaged Edwards is. He swings himself around to the other side to stomp onto The Tastemaker's head and push him back down. Remy starts to climb again.
Vinegar: But a few stomps are not going to stop Edwards. He grabs the bottom of the ladder and tips it over. It lands on the ropes again, while Remy easily lands on his feet, and a look of exasperation is starting to become very clear.
Lieberjosch: He throws a clothesline, and Moss ducks under and rolls towards the blue ladder. Remy charges forward again, but Moss jumps over the rope down to the ground to avoid him.
Vinegar: Not to avoid him, Hans, Moss drags the rope down as far with him as it will go and then releases it, slingshotting the ladder into Remedy! Moss lands near the white ladder and he lays it like a bridge between the apron and the barricade.
Lieberjosch: Now Moss climbs back onto the apron and grapples with Remy. He's trying to suplex him over the rope onto the ladder. But Remy manages to keep his feet planted, and reverses it to bring Moss back into the ring.
Vinegar: Remy stops to pump up the crowd again, then pulls Moss up by his arm. I think I know what his new gameplan is, Hans.
Lieberjosch: He pulls him into the Purge! Remy is going to attack the leg so Moss can't climb up after him!
Vinegar: He's made a tactical mistake though. This move leaves his back to his opponent's arms, which isn't a huge issue when they can't reach him. But when they CAN reach a ladder...
Lieberjosch: Moss slides the blue ladder into the back of Remy's head to break the hold before too much damage can be done!
Vinegar: Remy has kept up a good plan of attack, but as is often the case, the more veteran performer had the better sense of ring awareness. But who will get the advantage next? And what condition will the winner of this match be in when they still have to face Zane Scott?
Lieberjosch: Remedy is the first to his feet by a large margin. And he slips out of the ring, eying the white ladder.
Vinegar: I think he's viewing Moss's defense as an insult, and he's going to use his own tactics against him. He climbs up onto the white ladder and steps back from the apron as Moss is still struggling to his feet.
Lieberjosch: Remy Monroe is not known for his aerial manuevers, Nicholas. If he's thinking a springboard here, this could be interesting.
Vinegar: We'll find out in a moment, Hans. Monroe charges the length of the ladder. Edwards snaps out of his daze and hits the it with a baseball slide! The ladder shifts under Monroe's feet and throws off his balance.
Lieberjosch: And his momentum carries him, jaw first, to the edge of ring.
Vinegar: Monroe's head bounces off the apron, and Moss gives a familiar tap to the side of his own. He was letting Remy make the first move and planning his response.
Lieberjosch: Now Edwards sets up the blue ladder and starts to climb again.
Vinegar: Remy shakes off the cobwebs and leaps back into the ring. He's climbing up the other side!
Lieberjosch: The two have met at the top of the ladder, just inches away from the title belt.
Vinegar: They're trading punches, each blow making the ladder shake a bit. Remy blocks a right hand and slams Moss's head down against the top rung!
Lieberjosch: The Auteur slumped in front of him, Remedy stretches to his full height, trying to get a good grip on the belt!
Vinegar: He's got a hold of it, but he has to actually have it off the hook and in his hands! He's taking one more step up to get to the hook!
Lieberjosch: And this is when Moss Edwards reaches underneath his leg and pulls him over onto his shoulders! He wraps another arm around Remy's head. He is not going to...
Vinegar: YES HE IS! POSTCARD FROM OBLIVION FROM THE TOP OF THE LADDER!
Lieberjosch: Mein gott! They crash to the mat, and I don't think Monroe is going to get back up.
Vinegar: Edwards gingerly pulls himself off of Remy and up the ladder. And you are right, Hans, he is not getting up.
Lieberjosch: Moss reaches up and unhooks the belt!
DING DING DING!
Dennis: Your winner, moving on to face Zane Scott, MOOOOSSSS EEEEEDWAAAARDS!
Vinegar: Remy Monroe brought his best here tonight, but just has he has done all year, The Puppetmaster found his opening and made his move.
Lieberjosch: But he is out of openings, Nicholas, after this last break, he is about to run into the wall.
2013, '18, '23 
2013 
x2
