Post by brandonbrown on Jul 29, 2009 23:03:29 GMT -5
(We open the scene at the Brown House. Banky is reading a magazine. We can’t actually see what it is. We’ll assume it’s a dirty magazine because he seems like someone who would read those. Then again, he is a nerd so it’s probably Nintendo Power or something like that. Do they still make Nintendo Power? That magazine was pretty sweet back in the day. Not much use for it now with the Internet and everything. I guess that’s the same with porn magazines too.)
Banky: It’s a National Geographic Magazine.
(Fag.)
Banky: Shut up.
(One half of the GIW Tag Team Champions walks through the door. As in the team that actually holds the belts, not the team who calls themselves the GIW Tag Team Champions. It’s Brandon Brown who is walking through the door.)
Brandon: Since when did this show pay the narrator so much to talk? I guess even he gets time on the 50TH EPISODE EXTRAVAGANZA!!!!!!!!!!!!! Banky, how have you been? Reading National Geographic? Lame. The porno mags are in the bathroom, you know.
Banky: I didn’t want to read a porno mag.
Brandon: Nobody actually reads them. I guess Playboy does have some good jokes in them.
Banky: So where have you been the last two weeks?
Brandon: I’ve been partying and going on adventures. That’s what one half of the GIW Tag Team Champions do. Look how sweet this belt is. It’s been so long since I’ve had a belt.
Banky: It is pretty sweet.
(Banky tries to touch it but Brandon bats his hand away.)
Brandon: You don’t touch this belt. This is my belt. Get your own.
Banky: How can I win my own belt if you haven’t posted my profile yet?
Brandon: I don’t need to post your profile. You get killed off in episode 100.
Banky: I what?
Brandon: You die in episode 100 of this series.
Banky: How do you know that?
Brandon: I took the DeLorean into the future. I wanted to see what happens in episode 100. You died.
Banky: How do I die? We can use this information to prevent me from dying.
Brandon: No man should know too much about his own future. Anyways, I could just be making this up to screw with you.
Banky: Are you?
Brandon: If I told you that, then it would take away my fun.
Banky: So where’s your tag team partner at?
Brandon: Boolz. He’s probably doing something.
Banky: He’s not your tag partner.
Brandon: He’s not?
Banky: How much partying did you do in the last two weeks?
Brandon: With a time machine, two weeks could have been three years for me.
Banky: So what happens to me in episode 100.
Brandon: The consequences of me telling you that would be disastrous.
Banky: Why would it be disastrous?
Brandon: I don’t know. I’m just following Doc Brown’s rule from the Back to the Future movies.
Banky: Right.
Brandon: So who is my partner again?
Banky: Alex Kiseragi.
Brandon: Oh yeah. He’s a pretty cool guy. I think I made up a story he was gay one time. It was all apart of my smear campaign. It was all completely bullshit though. I’m such a nice guy.
Banky: Yeah, I hear that all the time.
Brandon: Luckily, these last two weeks have been awesome. All this time off has been really nice. It’s also a good thing GIW gave me this week off too.
Banky: No, they didn’t.
Brandon: Beg your pardon.
Banky: You and Alex have to defend the GIW Tag Team Championships.
Brandon: In our first match as champs. Did Raenius and Dirge use a rematch clause?
Banky: Not yet.
Brandon: Then who the fuck do we have to defend the titles against?
Banky: Michael Cappeli and Robert Montana.
Brandon: Who the fuck are they? What did they do to earn a Tag Title match? I’ve never seen them team up before.
Banky: What did you and Alex Kiseragi do to earn a Tag Title match?
Brandon: That’s different. We are both former Global Heavyweight Champions. Those guys haven’t won shit.
Banky: I believe Cappeli won the GIW.com belt.
Brandon: That’s the most worthless title there is though. Maybe I should go after that belt to bring a little prestige to it since I’m the greatest wrestler in GIW history.
?: I believe that honor goes to me.
Brandon: Who said you could be in the 50th episode, Big B.
Big B: I’m a mainstay on this show. I have every right to be here. Especially since I’m the real greatest wrestler in GIW history.
Brandon: Have you even wrestled ten matches in your GIW career?
Big B: Beats me. I’ve won more matches than your new sidekick.
Banky: I haven’t even wrestled a match yet.
Big B: You’re a slacker.
Brandon: Big B, I’m still angry at you for stealing my Tumbler Batmobile and selling it to Christopher Walken so you better leave my house now. You had your cameo appearance so go.
Big B: Fine, I’ll leave for now but I’ll get my revenge. I might even kill somebody on the 100th episode.
(Big B leaves.)
Banky: Is that how I die? Does he kill me?
Brandon: I can’t tell you that. I have a bad feeling though.
Banky: About me?
Brandon: No, I have a bad feeling that since this is the 50th episode that Nicolas Cage is contractually obligated to be in this episode.
Nic Cage: You would be right.
Brandon: Damn it. I guess we’ll have to finish this now then.
Nic Cage: It’s time for the final battle.
Brandon: I will do what I must.
Nic Cage: You will try.
(Brandon and Nic Cage pull out plastic lightsabers.)
Banky: No real lightsabers in the future?
Brandon: No one should know too much about the future so we will use the technology of now.
(Brandon charges at Nicolas Cage with his lightsaber. Nic Cage quickly blocks his strike and the two keep battling through the house knocking over pictures, lights, shelves, and many other things in the house.)
Brandon: I never wanted any of this to happen, Cage.
Nic Cage: You should have thought about that before stealing Steve Irwin’s treasure. That was my treasure.
Brandon: It was finders keepers. I found it first.
Nic Cage: What about the other treasures you robbed of me?
Brandon: Same situation. You’re just so fucking crazy and delusional that you blame me for everything. You started stalking me for no reason.
Nic Cage: You were the key to me getting more treasures. You had the knowledge. You had the information.
Brandon: I only had the knowledge to a few treasures. I’m all out now. I don’t know where any more treasures are. Your following of me needs to stop now.
Nic Cage: I don’t believe you. You are hiding the truth.
Brandon: Dude, you have a fucking family that you should be providing for. You still shouldn’t be stalking me after all this time.
Nic Cage: I won’t stop until I get the treasures I deserve from you.
Brandon: I don’t have any treasures.
Nic Cage: Then how can you afford so much stuff? You don’t get paid that well. I’ve checked.
Brandon: It seems to me that I can’t convince you that I have no treasure. I guess our battle can’t be over until one of us dies.
Nic Cage: Fine by me.
(The duel rages on between the two rivals. These two continue the battle for another three ours. Blood, sweat, and tears have been shed.)
Brandon: Why don’t we call a truce?
Nic Cage: That solves nothing. One of us has to die.
Brandon: Then so be it.
(They battle to the next morning until they both pass out. Brandon finally awakens hours later.)
Brandon: Did I win?
Nic Cage: Don’t move.
(Nic Cage has his plastic lightsaber pointed down at Brandon.)
Nic Cage: I will strike you down.
Brandon: Nic, we can work this out. There can be a peace among us.
Nic Cage: No peace.
(Cage strikes Brandon across the head.)
Brandon: Ow. That hurt.
Nic Cage: A few more like that will kill you.
(Nic Cage keeps beating Brandon with the plastic lightsaber until Brandon grabs something out of the drawer near him.)
Nic Cage: What is that?
Brandon: Neuralyzer.
(Brandon flashes the Neuralyzer at Nicolas Cage.)
Brandon: You will forget that you ever met me. You don’t like treasure. You will live happily with your wife and kids. You will go back to making mediocre movies that nobody likes.
Nic Cage: Okay.
(Nic Cage leaves the Brown House.)
Banky: Why didn’t you do that a long time ago?
Brandon: I just got that Neuralyzer a month ago.
Banky: Why didn’t you use in when he first got here?
Brandon: We wouldn’t have had that battle then.
Banky: Yeah, and things wouldn’t have been damaged.
Brandon: That would have taken away my fun though.
Banky: I guess so. Wait, is that a tear in your eye?
Brandon: Yeah, I’m going to miss having wacky battles and shenanigans with Nicolas Cage. It just won’t be the same anymore.
Banky: So did you really have all that treasure that he wanted?
Brandon: No, I don’t have any treasures. I just have the GIW Tag Team Championship. My team will retain these belts this week. I will then go on and become a three time Undisputed Unified Global Impact Wrestling Global Heavyweight Champion of the World.
Banky: Awesome.
(The scene changes to Brandon opening a secret vault in his basement. Brandon is in his swimming gear. Brandon looks down upon a large pile of gold. Brandon then turns on the Ducktales theme song. He then takes a nose dive into the gold.)
Brandon: It’s good to be me.
Banky: It’s a National Geographic Magazine.
(Fag.)
Banky: Shut up.
(One half of the GIW Tag Team Champions walks through the door. As in the team that actually holds the belts, not the team who calls themselves the GIW Tag Team Champions. It’s Brandon Brown who is walking through the door.)
Brandon: Since when did this show pay the narrator so much to talk? I guess even he gets time on the 50TH EPISODE EXTRAVAGANZA!!!!!!!!!!!!! Banky, how have you been? Reading National Geographic? Lame. The porno mags are in the bathroom, you know.
Banky: I didn’t want to read a porno mag.
Brandon: Nobody actually reads them. I guess Playboy does have some good jokes in them.
Banky: So where have you been the last two weeks?
Brandon: I’ve been partying and going on adventures. That’s what one half of the GIW Tag Team Champions do. Look how sweet this belt is. It’s been so long since I’ve had a belt.
Banky: It is pretty sweet.
(Banky tries to touch it but Brandon bats his hand away.)
Brandon: You don’t touch this belt. This is my belt. Get your own.
Banky: How can I win my own belt if you haven’t posted my profile yet?
Brandon: I don’t need to post your profile. You get killed off in episode 100.
Banky: I what?
Brandon: You die in episode 100 of this series.
Banky: How do you know that?
Brandon: I took the DeLorean into the future. I wanted to see what happens in episode 100. You died.
Banky: How do I die? We can use this information to prevent me from dying.
Brandon: No man should know too much about his own future. Anyways, I could just be making this up to screw with you.
Banky: Are you?
Brandon: If I told you that, then it would take away my fun.
Banky: So where’s your tag team partner at?
Brandon: Boolz. He’s probably doing something.
Banky: He’s not your tag partner.
Brandon: He’s not?
Banky: How much partying did you do in the last two weeks?
Brandon: With a time machine, two weeks could have been three years for me.
Banky: So what happens to me in episode 100.
Brandon: The consequences of me telling you that would be disastrous.
Banky: Why would it be disastrous?
Brandon: I don’t know. I’m just following Doc Brown’s rule from the Back to the Future movies.
Banky: Right.
Brandon: So who is my partner again?
Banky: Alex Kiseragi.
Brandon: Oh yeah. He’s a pretty cool guy. I think I made up a story he was gay one time. It was all apart of my smear campaign. It was all completely bullshit though. I’m such a nice guy.
Banky: Yeah, I hear that all the time.
Brandon: Luckily, these last two weeks have been awesome. All this time off has been really nice. It’s also a good thing GIW gave me this week off too.
Banky: No, they didn’t.
Brandon: Beg your pardon.
Banky: You and Alex have to defend the GIW Tag Team Championships.
Brandon: In our first match as champs. Did Raenius and Dirge use a rematch clause?
Banky: Not yet.
Brandon: Then who the fuck do we have to defend the titles against?
Banky: Michael Cappeli and Robert Montana.
Brandon: Who the fuck are they? What did they do to earn a Tag Title match? I’ve never seen them team up before.
Banky: What did you and Alex Kiseragi do to earn a Tag Title match?
Brandon: That’s different. We are both former Global Heavyweight Champions. Those guys haven’t won shit.
Banky: I believe Cappeli won the GIW.com belt.
Brandon: That’s the most worthless title there is though. Maybe I should go after that belt to bring a little prestige to it since I’m the greatest wrestler in GIW history.
?: I believe that honor goes to me.
Brandon: Who said you could be in the 50th episode, Big B.
Big B: I’m a mainstay on this show. I have every right to be here. Especially since I’m the real greatest wrestler in GIW history.
Brandon: Have you even wrestled ten matches in your GIW career?
Big B: Beats me. I’ve won more matches than your new sidekick.
Banky: I haven’t even wrestled a match yet.
Big B: You’re a slacker.
Brandon: Big B, I’m still angry at you for stealing my Tumbler Batmobile and selling it to Christopher Walken so you better leave my house now. You had your cameo appearance so go.
Big B: Fine, I’ll leave for now but I’ll get my revenge. I might even kill somebody on the 100th episode.
(Big B leaves.)
Banky: Is that how I die? Does he kill me?
Brandon: I can’t tell you that. I have a bad feeling though.
Banky: About me?
Brandon: No, I have a bad feeling that since this is the 50th episode that Nicolas Cage is contractually obligated to be in this episode.
Nic Cage: You would be right.
Brandon: Damn it. I guess we’ll have to finish this now then.
Nic Cage: It’s time for the final battle.
Brandon: I will do what I must.
Nic Cage: You will try.
(Brandon and Nic Cage pull out plastic lightsabers.)
Banky: No real lightsabers in the future?
Brandon: No one should know too much about the future so we will use the technology of now.
(Brandon charges at Nicolas Cage with his lightsaber. Nic Cage quickly blocks his strike and the two keep battling through the house knocking over pictures, lights, shelves, and many other things in the house.)
Brandon: I never wanted any of this to happen, Cage.
Nic Cage: You should have thought about that before stealing Steve Irwin’s treasure. That was my treasure.
Brandon: It was finders keepers. I found it first.
Nic Cage: What about the other treasures you robbed of me?
Brandon: Same situation. You’re just so fucking crazy and delusional that you blame me for everything. You started stalking me for no reason.
Nic Cage: You were the key to me getting more treasures. You had the knowledge. You had the information.
Brandon: I only had the knowledge to a few treasures. I’m all out now. I don’t know where any more treasures are. Your following of me needs to stop now.
Nic Cage: I don’t believe you. You are hiding the truth.
Brandon: Dude, you have a fucking family that you should be providing for. You still shouldn’t be stalking me after all this time.
Nic Cage: I won’t stop until I get the treasures I deserve from you.
Brandon: I don’t have any treasures.
Nic Cage: Then how can you afford so much stuff? You don’t get paid that well. I’ve checked.
Brandon: It seems to me that I can’t convince you that I have no treasure. I guess our battle can’t be over until one of us dies.
Nic Cage: Fine by me.
(The duel rages on between the two rivals. These two continue the battle for another three ours. Blood, sweat, and tears have been shed.)
Brandon: Why don’t we call a truce?
Nic Cage: That solves nothing. One of us has to die.
Brandon: Then so be it.
(They battle to the next morning until they both pass out. Brandon finally awakens hours later.)
Brandon: Did I win?
Nic Cage: Don’t move.
(Nic Cage has his plastic lightsaber pointed down at Brandon.)
Nic Cage: I will strike you down.
Brandon: Nic, we can work this out. There can be a peace among us.
Nic Cage: No peace.
(Cage strikes Brandon across the head.)
Brandon: Ow. That hurt.
Nic Cage: A few more like that will kill you.
(Nic Cage keeps beating Brandon with the plastic lightsaber until Brandon grabs something out of the drawer near him.)
Nic Cage: What is that?
Brandon: Neuralyzer.
(Brandon flashes the Neuralyzer at Nicolas Cage.)
Brandon: You will forget that you ever met me. You don’t like treasure. You will live happily with your wife and kids. You will go back to making mediocre movies that nobody likes.
Nic Cage: Okay.
(Nic Cage leaves the Brown House.)
Banky: Why didn’t you do that a long time ago?
Brandon: I just got that Neuralyzer a month ago.
Banky: Why didn’t you use in when he first got here?
Brandon: We wouldn’t have had that battle then.
Banky: Yeah, and things wouldn’t have been damaged.
Brandon: That would have taken away my fun though.
Banky: I guess so. Wait, is that a tear in your eye?
Brandon: Yeah, I’m going to miss having wacky battles and shenanigans with Nicolas Cage. It just won’t be the same anymore.
Banky: So did you really have all that treasure that he wanted?
Brandon: No, I don’t have any treasures. I just have the GIW Tag Team Championship. My team will retain these belts this week. I will then go on and become a three time Undisputed Unified Global Impact Wrestling Global Heavyweight Champion of the World.
Banky: Awesome.
(The scene changes to Brandon opening a secret vault in his basement. Brandon is in his swimming gear. Brandon looks down upon a large pile of gold. Brandon then turns on the Ducktales theme song. He then takes a nose dive into the gold.)
Brandon: It’s good to be me.
