Post by Travis Pierce on Nov 16, 2013 22:55:21 GMT -5
Travis sits at the head of a table in the offices of the new Piercing Media Network headquarters.
Jet sits off to the side, away from the table, working on a Rubix Cube.
Pierce: Good afternoon, everyone. I know it’s a bit late to be having this, given that we’re over a week into our relaunch, but it’s been pretty busy, as you all obviously know. Still, it’s never too late to do this, and I’m sure we’ll be doing a lot of them, so welcome to your first official staff meeting of the relaunched PMN era, or as I like to call them, a Staff Piercing. You all obviously are familiar with our producer, Rob Cartwright. Rob?
Cartwright: I’d just like to say I’m very excited to have us back on the air at last, we’ve got a pretty big campaign coming up, it being Horizons time and all, so I’m glad to officially have the Stars of Tomorrow back with us.
Pierce: Yes, of course, Gian, Mark, Ratana, I think this time around we’ll finally make tomorrow into today.
Gian: You crackahs DO know I was Chaos Champion a few months back?
Pierce: Right, of course. You got beat by the teenie-bopper chick, yes?
Gian just glares back at him, as Mark chuckles sitting next to him.
Ratana has made an origami swan.
Pierce: Let’s remember that we have a burden of responsibility around here, not only to be entertaining, but to also give our audience everything they need. They get their news from us for a reason, we do exhaustive research and reporting, there is a heavy standard there, right, Pepper?
Pepper Phoenix shuffles through some notes.
Pepper: Earlier this week I found out that KvK actually stands for “Kinky Vain Kultist.
Pierce: That’s great, but we have to do more that simply report news. There are a lot of smart individuals persons in the world, case in point, me. But people as a group are ignorant and dull. We need to educate them. Tell them the things they need to be doing that it would never even occur to them to question. We’re social media experts, so let’s show people how to stop being stupid on Facebook. I want to be telling people five reasons why they want to punch a dolphin in the face. Let’s get ahead of the game, I want these reports, get the special interest stories, we need to be all over this.
Ratana has made an origami giraffe.
Pierce: We need to bring ourselves above and beyond. We’ve got control of Horizons, and I’ve got a match with our former...colleague...Chadwickers Chaos. Now, this can’t be just any old match. We need a stipulation here.
Cartwright: Falls Count Anywhere.
Reznik: Karaoke Match.
Gian: Morgan kids on a Pole.
Pepper: Dragon’s Cave.
Pierce: Oh, fuck no.
Ratana: Seppuku Contest.
Everyone looks at Ratana, who has made an origami Jet Somers. Travis has unfolded the swan and made a paper football.
Pierce: I’d actually take that over the Dragon’s Cave garbage again. Let’s keep brainstorming, people. I don’t want three ideas from each of you by six o’clock, I want six ideas by three o’clock. Don’t be afraid to think outside the box.
As he is talking, Jet stands up, walks over to the table, and places the cube on it. As Travis finishes speaking, he produces a ringbell and smashes it, startling most of the room.
Somers: And if you can’t do that, just break it entirely.
Fade out…
Jet sits off to the side, away from the table, working on a Rubix Cube.
Pierce: Good afternoon, everyone. I know it’s a bit late to be having this, given that we’re over a week into our relaunch, but it’s been pretty busy, as you all obviously know. Still, it’s never too late to do this, and I’m sure we’ll be doing a lot of them, so welcome to your first official staff meeting of the relaunched PMN era, or as I like to call them, a Staff Piercing. You all obviously are familiar with our producer, Rob Cartwright. Rob?
Cartwright: I’d just like to say I’m very excited to have us back on the air at last, we’ve got a pretty big campaign coming up, it being Horizons time and all, so I’m glad to officially have the Stars of Tomorrow back with us.
Pierce: Yes, of course, Gian, Mark, Ratana, I think this time around we’ll finally make tomorrow into today.
Gian: You crackahs DO know I was Chaos Champion a few months back?
Pierce: Right, of course. You got beat by the teenie-bopper chick, yes?
Gian just glares back at him, as Mark chuckles sitting next to him.
Ratana has made an origami swan.
Pierce: Let’s remember that we have a burden of responsibility around here, not only to be entertaining, but to also give our audience everything they need. They get their news from us for a reason, we do exhaustive research and reporting, there is a heavy standard there, right, Pepper?
Pepper Phoenix shuffles through some notes.
Pepper: Earlier this week I found out that KvK actually stands for “Kinky Vain Kultist.
Pierce: That’s great, but we have to do more that simply report news. There are a lot of smart individuals persons in the world, case in point, me. But people as a group are ignorant and dull. We need to educate them. Tell them the things they need to be doing that it would never even occur to them to question. We’re social media experts, so let’s show people how to stop being stupid on Facebook. I want to be telling people five reasons why they want to punch a dolphin in the face. Let’s get ahead of the game, I want these reports, get the special interest stories, we need to be all over this.
Ratana has made an origami giraffe.
Pierce: We need to bring ourselves above and beyond. We’ve got control of Horizons, and I’ve got a match with our former...colleague...Chadwickers Chaos. Now, this can’t be just any old match. We need a stipulation here.
Cartwright: Falls Count Anywhere.
Reznik: Karaoke Match.
Gian: Morgan kids on a Pole.
Pepper: Dragon’s Cave.
Pierce: Oh, fuck no.
Ratana: Seppuku Contest.
Everyone looks at Ratana, who has made an origami Jet Somers. Travis has unfolded the swan and made a paper football.
Pierce: I’d actually take that over the Dragon’s Cave garbage again. Let’s keep brainstorming, people. I don’t want three ideas from each of you by six o’clock, I want six ideas by three o’clock. Don’t be afraid to think outside the box.
As he is talking, Jet stands up, walks over to the table, and places the cube on it. As Travis finishes speaking, he produces a ringbell and smashes it, startling most of the room.
Somers: And if you can’t do that, just break it entirely.
Fade out…
