Post by Lord Hastings on Feb 7, 2014 13:36:24 GMT -5
Casa del Roberts…
Peterson: I have a bad feeling about this.
Hastings: You’re the one who said it would only be fair for us to meet with Trav at his house sometimes.
Peterson: Only because Cal doesn’t like that he looks at the babies like they’re radioactive material.
Hastings: Like you could distinguish the scent after he’s been in the shitter. Still, I was just fine meeting him at our usual haunts. You wanted to come to the house.
Peterson: My credit card needs a break.
Hastings: I keep telling you to apply for another.
The front door cracks opens, for a moment seemingly by itself, until a single eye peers around it.
Forewell: Identify.
Hastings: Open the door, Forewell.
Forewell: Submit proof of identification to the scanner.
A basket on a stick thrusts out of the opening. Donovan stares at it for a moment.
Hastings: Open the fucking door, Forewell.
After a moment, the basket withdraws, and the door opens fully.
Forewell: It seems you know the secret password. Please proceed to security.
Forewell turns around until he is facing them again.
Forewell: Welcome. Do you have anything to declare?
Forewell begins patting Owen down from head to toe, taking care to be thorough.
Peterson: Hey! Watch it!
Forewell: What is this? Are you smuggling in a pair of almonds?
Hastings: I declare that you’re a-
Travis: – ‘Welcome, my friends! ‘The Blessed One’ is pleased to see you finally make it to his abode. There is much to speak of.’
Hastings: Owen, why don’t you go find eD?
Peterson: You’re kidding, right?
Hastings: Play nicely.
Calypso sits on her couch feeding a baby, while the other plays in an ExerSaucer. She watches a monitor closely.
Voice: And that, folks, is how you make a beer-battered Limey-faced sammich!
Calypso: Now that’s a kitchen nightmare.
eD: Don’t touch my bottle cap collection.
Peterson: I don’t want to touch your bottle cap collection.
eD: Because if you touch my bottle cap collection, I will punch you square in the face.
Peterson: There is definitely no chance of me wanting to touch your bottle cap collection.
eD: That collection is the only pure and good memory I have of my youth, and if you go and put a testicle or something on it, I’m going to shove it in a rat trap.
Peterson: What, the collection?
eD: Your testicle.
Peterson: Oh.
eD: I just want you to know I hate you.
Peterson: Do you think maybe you should talk to somebody, like, a professional?
eD: I think I’ll put some bars of soap in a pillow and beat you with it.
Hastings: I really don’t think getting involved with these people is a good idea.
Travis – ‘Perhaps you could have a little faith in me that I know what I’m doing.’
Hastings: You’re not the issue. They are.
Travis – ‘Whoa, careful, with the T word there, if Forewell hears you he’ll go hide in his treehouse until dinner.’
Hastings: How is that not a win-win?
Travis – ‘Focus, old friend. The only win-win that you and I need concern ourselves with is Infinity. I can’t imagine a better ending to our joint comeback story. ‘The Headliner’ wins the Global Challenge, and ‘The Lord of Pain’ wins the World Heavyweight Championship. The world will be talking all about how TWiSTeD rides again.’
Hastings: Is that would they would be saying? Twitter would be all abuzz?
Travis – ‘Feh, twitter. Saw it once. We talk about the degradation of society. The idea that anything worth saying could be compressed to less than 140 characters in despicable.’
Hastings: Can’t imagine you being able to do it, that’s for sure.
Travis – ‘Thank you.’
Hastings: Cypress and Zane. This really couldn’t have come together more perfectly, could it?
Travis – ‘Don’t worry, you’ll have ‘The Blessed One’ at your side the whole time.
Hastings: Right, because the combination of Zane and you at ringside worked so well for me at Battleground.
Travis – ‘This is hardly the time to dwell on old wounds. We complete our tasks at Infinity, and then it is time to celebrate.’
NBK: With CAKE!!!!!
Hastings: Where the fuck did he come from?
Travis – ‘Dunno. It wasn’t The Headliner’s turn to watch him.’
eD: On the count of three, name your favorite type of muffin. Don’t think about it, just say it. One, two, three.
Both: BRAN.
eD: Best thing to read when you’re taking a poo.
Both: READER’S DIGEST.
eD: Most important thing the DMW has ever done.
Both: NOTHING.
eD: No way!
Peterson: Did we just become best friends?
eD: Yep!
Peterson: Do you want to go play tiddly-winks in the garage?
eD: Yep!
Donovan walks on his own through the front hall towards the entrance.
Hastings: Owen?
He comes upon Forewell Boding, using a magnifying glass to examine the meeting point of the wall and the floor.
Hastings: I’m know I’m going to regret this…Forewell? I’m looking for Owen. Do you know where they are?
Forewell: THEY!?!?!
Forewell leaps to his feet.
Forewell: They have him? It’s just as I feared…quick! To the treehouse!
Forewell runs off.
Forewell: Whoever falls behind is left behind!
Donovan just stares at him as he scampers off.
Voice: Your friend is out in the garage with eD.
Donovan turns to see Victoria Jenson standing in front of him, her hand extended.
Vix: You know, I don’t think we’ve ever been formally introduced.
Hastings: I don’t think Jet Somers has contributed anything of value to the universe. What’s your point?
Vix: That isn’t very nice.
Hastings: We all have our roles to play. Mine is to win the World Heavyweight Championship at Infinity. The circumstances are fitting, don’t you think? Cypress Morgan, in essence a manifestation of a new, broken age. A man that I’ve beaten on his best day. Zane Scott, who deserves nothing less than a front seat to my ultimate triumph. My only disappointment from Horizons is that I didn’t have a front seat to his humiliation. No matter. His ultimate one is yet to come. Finally, there is myself, about to become the UGWC World Heavyweight Champion for the third time. Destiny. Inevitability. Call it what you will, but I need it, I need it more than anything, and I will DO anything to make sure that it comes to pass.
Donovan starts to walk towards the door, but pauses and turns back.
Hastings: Do you know what your role is to play at present in this little drama of ours?
Victoria doesn’t say anything.
Hastings: It’s to keep an eye on that sister of yours, and make sure MY friend doesn’t get hurt.
Donovan walks out of the house, passing the garage on the way to the car and blowing a whistle as he does.
Hastings: Let’s GO, Owen!
Peterson: I have a bad feeling about this.
Hastings: You’re the one who said it would only be fair for us to meet with Trav at his house sometimes.
Peterson: Only because Cal doesn’t like that he looks at the babies like they’re radioactive material.
Hastings: Like you could distinguish the scent after he’s been in the shitter. Still, I was just fine meeting him at our usual haunts. You wanted to come to the house.
Peterson: My credit card needs a break.
Hastings: I keep telling you to apply for another.
The front door cracks opens, for a moment seemingly by itself, until a single eye peers around it.
Forewell: Identify.
Hastings: Open the door, Forewell.
Forewell: Submit proof of identification to the scanner.
A basket on a stick thrusts out of the opening. Donovan stares at it for a moment.
Hastings: Open the fucking door, Forewell.
After a moment, the basket withdraws, and the door opens fully.
Forewell: It seems you know the secret password. Please proceed to security.
Forewell turns around until he is facing them again.
Forewell: Welcome. Do you have anything to declare?
Forewell begins patting Owen down from head to toe, taking care to be thorough.
Peterson: Hey! Watch it!
Forewell: What is this? Are you smuggling in a pair of almonds?
Hastings: I declare that you’re a-
Travis: – ‘Welcome, my friends! ‘The Blessed One’ is pleased to see you finally make it to his abode. There is much to speak of.’
Hastings: Owen, why don’t you go find eD?
Peterson: You’re kidding, right?
Hastings: Play nicely.
~
Calypso sits on her couch feeding a baby, while the other plays in an ExerSaucer. She watches a monitor closely.
Voice: And that, folks, is how you make a beer-battered Limey-faced sammich!
Calypso: Now that’s a kitchen nightmare.
~
eD: Don’t touch my bottle cap collection.
Peterson: I don’t want to touch your bottle cap collection.
eD: Because if you touch my bottle cap collection, I will punch you square in the face.
Peterson: There is definitely no chance of me wanting to touch your bottle cap collection.
eD: That collection is the only pure and good memory I have of my youth, and if you go and put a testicle or something on it, I’m going to shove it in a rat trap.
Peterson: What, the collection?
eD: Your testicle.
Peterson: Oh.
eD: I just want you to know I hate you.
Peterson: Do you think maybe you should talk to somebody, like, a professional?
eD: I think I’ll put some bars of soap in a pillow and beat you with it.
~
Hastings: I really don’t think getting involved with these people is a good idea.
Travis – ‘Perhaps you could have a little faith in me that I know what I’m doing.’
Hastings: You’re not the issue. They are.
Travis – ‘Whoa, careful, with the T word there, if Forewell hears you he’ll go hide in his treehouse until dinner.’
Hastings: How is that not a win-win?
Travis – ‘Focus, old friend. The only win-win that you and I need concern ourselves with is Infinity. I can’t imagine a better ending to our joint comeback story. ‘The Headliner’ wins the Global Challenge, and ‘The Lord of Pain’ wins the World Heavyweight Championship. The world will be talking all about how TWiSTeD rides again.’
Hastings: Is that would they would be saying? Twitter would be all abuzz?
Travis – ‘Feh, twitter. Saw it once. We talk about the degradation of society. The idea that anything worth saying could be compressed to less than 140 characters in despicable.’
Hastings: Can’t imagine you being able to do it, that’s for sure.
Travis – ‘Thank you.’
Hastings: Cypress and Zane. This really couldn’t have come together more perfectly, could it?
Travis – ‘Don’t worry, you’ll have ‘The Blessed One’ at your side the whole time.
Hastings: Right, because the combination of Zane and you at ringside worked so well for me at Battleground.
Travis – ‘This is hardly the time to dwell on old wounds. We complete our tasks at Infinity, and then it is time to celebrate.’
NBK: With CAKE!!!!!
Hastings: Where the fuck did he come from?
Travis – ‘Dunno. It wasn’t The Headliner’s turn to watch him.’
~
eD: On the count of three, name your favorite type of muffin. Don’t think about it, just say it. One, two, three.
Both: BRAN.
eD: Best thing to read when you’re taking a poo.
Both: READER’S DIGEST.
eD: Most important thing the DMW has ever done.
Both: NOTHING.
eD: No way!
Peterson: Did we just become best friends?
eD: Yep!
Peterson: Do you want to go play tiddly-winks in the garage?
eD: Yep!
~
Donovan walks on his own through the front hall towards the entrance.
Hastings: Owen?
He comes upon Forewell Boding, using a magnifying glass to examine the meeting point of the wall and the floor.
Hastings: I’m know I’m going to regret this…Forewell? I’m looking for Owen. Do you know where they are?
Forewell: THEY!?!?!
Forewell leaps to his feet.
Forewell: They have him? It’s just as I feared…quick! To the treehouse!
Forewell runs off.
Forewell: Whoever falls behind is left behind!
Donovan just stares at him as he scampers off.
Voice: Your friend is out in the garage with eD.
Donovan turns to see Victoria Jenson standing in front of him, her hand extended.
Vix: You know, I don’t think we’ve ever been formally introduced.
Hastings: I don’t think Jet Somers has contributed anything of value to the universe. What’s your point?
Vix: That isn’t very nice.
Hastings: We all have our roles to play. Mine is to win the World Heavyweight Championship at Infinity. The circumstances are fitting, don’t you think? Cypress Morgan, in essence a manifestation of a new, broken age. A man that I’ve beaten on his best day. Zane Scott, who deserves nothing less than a front seat to my ultimate triumph. My only disappointment from Horizons is that I didn’t have a front seat to his humiliation. No matter. His ultimate one is yet to come. Finally, there is myself, about to become the UGWC World Heavyweight Champion for the third time. Destiny. Inevitability. Call it what you will, but I need it, I need it more than anything, and I will DO anything to make sure that it comes to pass.
Donovan starts to walk towards the door, but pauses and turns back.
Hastings: Do you know what your role is to play at present in this little drama of ours?
Victoria doesn’t say anything.
Hastings: It’s to keep an eye on that sister of yours, and make sure MY friend doesn’t get hurt.
Donovan walks out of the house, passing the garage on the way to the car and blowing a whistle as he does.
Hastings: Let’s GO, Owen!