Finally, B has got to watch Wrestlemania.

[Jet Somers]

Play by play time.

Opener:

Of course, my first reaction... when did WM stop taking place in the Garden?
And where is Jim Ross?
Hogan singing along with his music. What a moment.

Wait... Silverdome? WWFE? At least he was humble enough to admit his mistake.

GLASS SHATTERS!!! 1980s wrestlemania meets 1990s wrestlemania!!!

Nobody does a staredown like Austin!!!

GOOD TO BE BACK HERE AT THE SILVERDOME!!! YES!

And then he immediately starts stuttering too.

Wait... last night at the HoF? When did they stop doing HoF induction at WM?

LATE 90S WRESTLEMANIA! IF YA SMELL IT!

ANOTHER DIG AT HOGAN'S SILVERDOME!

Classic Rock shit talk, bwahahaha. If they fought the three of us, we'd stick our boots straight up their anus!

That... was awesome.

[>V<]

That's it? All you commentaried on was the intro yapping.

[Who Am I?]

Something tells me each post will be a play by play.... if he's currently watching it and started 32 minutes ago.

[Jet Somers]

Daniel Bryan vs HHH
Want: Bryan
Prediction: HHH

I really liked the build up for Daniel Bryan. Reminds me a lot of Jet's story here.
Fifteen years later, Steph's voice and face still make me want to sharpen my hatchet. She does have some nice stems, though.
WTF KIND OF ENTRANCE IS THIS FOR HHH? THIS IS BAD ASS!
Shoulder injury... this doesn't look good. Even though that yes jump makes me think it can't be that bad.
Milk from forgetful cows... milk of amnesia. shit.
Interesting mat tech in this match.
Daniel Bryan has a bit of no-sell in him.
Why are there fifteen spanish announcers?
Damn, I thought HHH had him with all the rolling away from the ropes.
Holy shit how did he kick out of that Spinebuster/Pedigree??? This match is awesome!
Welcome to Yestlemania!
    

[Jet Somers]

WTF? When did the new age outlaws come back???
Oh, ok, I'm finally going to get to see what the Shield I keep hearing of is all about.
Kane with the Outlaws? Remember when Kane was with Xpac all those years ago, and he had the weird DX Green suit?

The Authority vs The Shield
Want: The Authority
Prediction: The Authority

Dean Ambrose is a turd.
Roman Reigns crotch chop, lmao.
I like this swat team gimmick here
That triple powerbomb was kinda stupid.

And that match was lame.

[Jet Somers]

SGT slaughter and Hacksaw Jim Duggin and Rickey the Dragon Steamboat and Ted Dibiase and Farooq

best backstage promo ever


DAMN!

[Jet Somers]

Andre the Giant Memorial Rumble
Want: Seamus
Prediction: Seamus

Why did we start the entrances with forty people already in the ring?
I liked how Kingston and that other dude hung there and duked it out inches from the mat.
I can't tell Dolph Ziggler from Billy Gunn.
Santito uses Mr. Socko?
Dolph has spent the entire match on the apron.
There goes Lord Hastings
WTF... this Fandango guy is an idiot.
HOLY SHIT SEAMUS JUST BEAT THE EVER LOVING PISS OUT OF FANDANGO
BIG SHOW DANCES
Is Rey seriously begging Big show not to eliminate him? That'll come back to bite him.
Is there something between Big Show and Mysterio? Show attacked Cesaro after he eliminated Rey.
KINGSTONS ELIMINATION NEAR MISS ON THE STAIRS WAS AWESOME!!!
Ugh, I hate when Cesaro does this spin.
Del Rio's arm bar set up is awesome.
And there goes my prediction.
If Show wins this, I'm going to be really disappointed.
Well, I dont' know this guy, but w/e. Meh.
Show's respect move was appreciated.

[>V<]

Big Show and Rey are buddies, supposedly.

How can you not mention Cesaro's effortless scoop slam elimination on Big Show? That was fucking insane.

[Jet Somers]

Cesaro is another one of these faceless people I don't know anything about. He doesn't impress me.

[Jet Somers]

There's a French announce table?

Bray Wyatt vs John Cena
Want: Wyatt.
Prediction: John Cena

I don't know much about this Wyatt guy, but his promos are FUCKING AWESOME. It reminds me of some House of a 1000 Corpses. And I hate John Cena. Seeing this unwashed evil redneck get under John Cena's pretty boy whitewash skin is extremely entertaining. This is the match I've been waiting for. This is like a superhero story, one where I root for the supervillain.

That Voodoo shit was kinda dumb.
The actual Wyatt entrance is bad ass though. His pyro is a lantern. I kinda wish it were a real lantern though, not the obviously fake one they are using.
I don't get the lamb mask. Since he's one of Bray's redneck subordinates, it makes me think he's his fuck doll or something...
Holy shit this guy is giving me chills. He would fit right in at UGWC.
Dude Wyatt sells like a champ. I think he's my new favorite.
WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT BRIDGE??? THAT WAS CREEPY AS SHIT
Five knuckle shuffle is the dumbest move ever. Worse than the People's Elbow or the Stink Face.
Is... is bray wyatts tattoo rubbing off?
...
That's kind of disappointing.
Suiciding onto Harper and Rowan was fucking stupid.
I'd have dropped the steps on him. Cena's been in bloody shit before.
OMG he's cradling Cena's head and singing... this is great!
SPEAR THROUGH THE BARRICADE! SPEAR THROUGH THE BARRICADE!
Who is Sister Abigail?
Lol, the Spanish announce team is like "Go for the French announce team instead!!"
HE KICKED THE CHAIR TO CENA!!!
DO IT JOHN! DO IT JOHN! BECOME WRATH! BECOME VENGEANCE!
Bah. He used the chair. Maybe not on Wyatt, but he used it. I call that a victory for Bray.

[Jet Somers]

I've always respected and loved Lita, but she doesn't belong in this class. I'm sorry.

Dude, Scott Hall... old as fuck. How does he look oler than Hogan?

I can't believe the Ultimate Warrior died right after this. So sad.

[>V<]

Erick Rowan wears the sheep mask because when he takes it off, there's a transition. It's going from a lamb to a wolf. Like when Sly Stallone would turn his hat around backwards before arm wrestling matches in the movie Over The Top lol

There aren't enough good things that could possibly be said about Bray Wyatt. The dude is an artist; chaos is his medium.

[Jet Somers]

THere's someone else who remembers Over the Top? You just earned another ounce of respect from me, bro.

Now that you mention it, I see how he was pretty docile when he had the mask on, but once Cena knocked it off, he got more involved in the match.

Yeah, Bray Wyatt is my current favorite, thanks to tonight.

[Jet Somers]

Alright, time for Taker vs Bore Lesnar.
Foregone conclusions.
Prediction: Taker, duh
Want: Taker, duh.

Shut up Heyman. Brock is about as boring as they come. I remember ten years ago when he cried at Wrestlemania. "Screw you guys, I'm goin home, boo hoo hoo"
OMG, could they make him look more stupid? And that sword tattoo looks fucking ridiculous.
Oh man... love the caskets. So great.
LMAO Brock's casket is already out there.
Ooh, he ditched the hood.
THE CASKET OPENED! THE CASKET OPENED!
ITS BURNING! THE CASKET IS BURNING! WELCOME TO HELL BROCK!
I've always loved how UT takes his time and lets the match unfold. He's so methodical.
Shut the fuck up Paul Heyman!
Could you imagine Paul Heyman and Stephanie McMahon in a screaming match? Jesus...
Ha! Perfect bait for Hells Gate!
Another one!!!
Come on Taker! Do the dead sit up!
OLD SCHOOL!
TWO F5 KICK OUTS!!!
That was the weakest Last Ride I've ever seen.
TOMBSTONE!!!!
fuck
THE DEAD SIT UP!!
what...





what...






what...



no


no... not god damn brock lesnar



not god damn brock borefest fucking lesnar...



no...



you motherfuckers... you brought me back after all these years... convinced me to buy into this bullshit that i knew was bullshit...


for this...



for one of the worst WWE wrestlers of all time to end the greatest streak ever.



fuck you.
fuck wwe.
fuck wrestling.
fuck it


I'm done. Wrestlemania is over.

[Jet Somers]

The review is over, in case you didn't catch that.