Post by Eden Morgan on Apr 23, 2014 13:54:15 GMT -5
Donovan and Owen are strolling through a store that may as well be known as We-Sell-Toys-At-Jacked-Up-Prices-But-You'll-Shop-Here-Anyway-Because-We-Have-Everything-You're-Looking-For-And-Some-Shit-You-Weren't while Calypso walks ahead, pushing the twins in a double stroller.
Owen: Why am I here again?
Donovan: What else are you going to do?
Owen: I have a life, you know.
Donovan stops and stares at Owen.
Donovan: No you don't.
Before Owen can respond, Calypso draws their attention upward.
Calypso: That one. That's the one we need.
Donovan and Owen crane their necks up to the top of the high shelves, spotting a children's activity set that doesn't look much different from the ones below it, but by-god we'll have that one. Donovan looks back at Calypso.
Donovan: Of course it is.
Calypso: Well, don't just stand around. Go get someone to get it down.
Donovan: You know how hard that is in this place? Sure, associates are practically hanging from the rafters when you don't need something, but the second they get a whiff of actually having to work--
Calypso stares at Donovan
Donovan: I'll go find one.
Donovan and Owen walk away, leaving Calypso talking to the twins all about their new toy.
Owen: You weren't kidding, I saw people all over the place when we got in here and-- where are you going?
Donovan makes a sharp turn down the aisle with action figures. He peruses the assortment, his eyes lighting up as he snatches one down.
Donovan: Ssssweeet! Lord Hastings action figure, complete with UGWC title.
He holds the package up for Owen to admire, Owen nodding.
Owen: That's great, really, but we're supposed to be-- why did you just open that? Are you going to buy it?
Donovan stands there with the shredded remnants of the package surrounding his feet, looking the action figure of himself over closely.
Donovan: Not sure they got the beard right...
Owen: They got the beard right.
Donovan: Really? I don't think so... and look... eyebrow action.
Donovan presses a button on the back of the figure, Action Figure Hastings' eyebrows wiggling up and down.
Owen: Impressive. Now can we--?
Donovan: Why the fuck are there so many Cypress variations?
Owen: Because the man has no shame and will sign his name to anything?
Donovan: – why is it necessary to have him in a sombrero? He's not Mexican.
Donovan yanks that particular figure down, holding his action figure up to look the box over with him. His eyebrows shoot up, Donovan pressing the button to make Action Figure Hastings' eyebrows shoot up as well.
Donovan: The Baddest Man Alive edition?!
Donovan tosses the sombrero'd Cypress over his shoulder dismissively, looking through the stock again. He points and laughs.
Donovan: Haha! There's no Eden Morgan action figure!
Owen: That's because they're sold out.
He indicates the spot where they should be. Donovan stares at it and then at him.
Donovan: Find the Barbie dolls. Bring me one that looks like Eden. Brunette. Pasty. Complete with poor decision-making skills and possibly a prescription for antidepressants.
Owen: How exactly is this supposed to help you with your match with her?
Donovan: Research.
Owen starts to say something else, Donovan holding up Action Figure Hastings, wiggling his eyebrows at Owen.
Donovan: Why are you still here?
Owen leaves with a sigh, Donovan pulling several boxes from the shelves and ripping them apart. When Owen returns it's to find Donovan sitting cross-legged in the aisle, an army of Cypress Morgan variations before him.
Donovan (as Cypress): We have you surrounded!
Donovan (as Donovan): Oh no, whatever shall I do... Lord Hastings karate chop power, bitches!!
Donovan pushes another button on the back of Action Figure Hastings, causing the right arm to raise and lower at great speed. He does this to each of the Cypress figures in rapid succession, alternating the karate chop action with the waggling eyebrows. Each Cypress figure gets slung across the floor, except one, Action Figure Hastings making the cover. Donovan looks up at Owen expectantly. Owen drops down.
Owen: 1, 2, 3!
Donovan continues to stare at Owen. Owen sighs and covers his mouth with his hand.
Owen (as Dennis): Here is your winner, Loooooorrrrddddd Haaaaaasssstttiiinnnnngggsss!
Action Figure Hastings holds up his belt in triumph.
Donovan: Did you find Eden?
Owen: I found a few that could work.
He holds out several packages to Donovan, Donovan quickly going through them and discarding them.
Donovan: Too tan. Too tall. Well this one looks like she might have half a brain cell.
Owen: You can tell that?
Donovan tosses that one over his shoulder too.
Donovan: That's what's wrong with it. This is what you bring me?
Owen: I fail to see how this is going to help you prepare--
Donovan: You bite your tongue. Lord Hastings need not prepare for a match that he's already won. Isn't that right, Lord Hastings?
Donovan holds up Action Figure Hastings who waggles his eyebrows at Owen.
Donovan (as Donovan): You're right, as always.
Donovan: See? He agrees.
Owen stares.
Owen: I'll go get some more.
Donovan: You do that.
Owen leaves again, Donovan pulling down more packages and ripping them open. He sets up an action figure of each of the Puppet Masters on the floor before him, Action Figure Hastings' interacting with each of them.
Donovan (as Dirge): I act like I'm the supreme intelligence of the group with my big words and claiming that I'm smarter than everyone else, but the truth is... Donovan, you make me look like a dumbass!
Donovan (as Donovan): Well, it's about time you figured that out.
Donovan (as Dirge): Mine is an evil laugh, bwahahahahaha!
Donovan (as Donovan): Yeah, not really.
Action Figure Hastings karate chops Dirge, moving on to Vain. He picks the action figure up, looking at it closely.
Donovan (as Vain): I bring absolutely nothing to the table!
Donovan (as Donovan): First smart thing you've said, well, ever.
Action Figure Hastings' eyebrows waggle before karate chopping Vain. The Travis Roberts figure laughs so hard at this turn of events he falls over.
Donovan (as Travis): 'The Blessed One' declares that was one of the funniest things he's ever seen!
Donovan (as Donovan): Of course it was, it was my idea.
Donovan (as Travis): Permission to ride on your coattails for a little while longer?
Donovan (as Donovan): Permission granted as always, my friend.
The two action figures perform a handshake which then turns into a complicated series of movements that are too spectacular to even describe.
Donovan: Secret handshake action!
Owen returns with more dolls, handing them over to Hastings. Donovan studies them closely.
Donovan: Too successful-looking.
Tossed over the shoulder.
Donovan: This one looks like she has her shit together. Fail.
Tossed over shoulder.
Donovan: Yes, yes this one will do. It just screams white trash trust fund.
Owen: Great. Can we go now?
Donovan starts to reply when an associate spots them.
Associate: Hey! What the-- You can't do tha--
Sadly, the associate's verbal spewing is cut short as he slips on the Vain action figure and hits the floor, knocking himself unconscious. Action Figure Hastings' waggles his eyebrows at the fallen associate.
Donovan: Never tell Lord Hastings what he can't do!
He gets to his feet, surveying the damage just as a big, burly biker rounds the corner. The man, who looks like he chews nails as a hobby, looks the shelves over and then the action figures littering the floor. He looks up at Donovan and Owen, cracking his knuckles.
Donovan: Your name wouldn't happen to be 8Ball by chance, would it? No? What about Skull? Ogre? Any of those? Remotely close?
Biker: My boy wants a Cypress Morgan action figure. And here they are scattered all over the fucking floor. I wanna know who did this.
Donovan shoves the Hastings action figure and the Eden Barbie into Owen's hands, pointing at him.
Donovan: That would be him. You two have fun now.
Donovan shoves a startled Owen toward the angry-looking biker.
Donovan: I told you not to open all those! You'll have to excuse him, sir, he's mildly retarded.
Donovan moves quickly, making his way back over to Calypso and the twins.
Calypso: Donovan, wha-
Donovan: Can't stay and chat, let's move.
Donovan grabs Calypso, dragging her with him. She digs in her heels, yanking back.
Calypso: Donovan!
Donovan makes an uh-oh face, spinning around quickly and grabbing the stroller with the twins in it. Calypso gives him an incredulous look as he makes a beeline for the exit.
Donovan: What?! You can't take Owen anywhere.
Calypso's voice filters back in from outside the store.
Calypso: Why do you always want to piss me off?
Owen: Why am I here again?
Donovan: What else are you going to do?
Owen: I have a life, you know.
Donovan stops and stares at Owen.
Donovan: No you don't.
Before Owen can respond, Calypso draws their attention upward.
Calypso: That one. That's the one we need.
Donovan and Owen crane their necks up to the top of the high shelves, spotting a children's activity set that doesn't look much different from the ones below it, but by-god we'll have that one. Donovan looks back at Calypso.
Donovan: Of course it is.
Calypso: Well, don't just stand around. Go get someone to get it down.
Donovan: You know how hard that is in this place? Sure, associates are practically hanging from the rafters when you don't need something, but the second they get a whiff of actually having to work--
Calypso stares at Donovan
Donovan: I'll go find one.
Donovan and Owen walk away, leaving Calypso talking to the twins all about their new toy.
Owen: You weren't kidding, I saw people all over the place when we got in here and-- where are you going?
Donovan makes a sharp turn down the aisle with action figures. He peruses the assortment, his eyes lighting up as he snatches one down.
Donovan: Ssssweeet! Lord Hastings action figure, complete with UGWC title.
He holds the package up for Owen to admire, Owen nodding.
Owen: That's great, really, but we're supposed to be-- why did you just open that? Are you going to buy it?
Donovan stands there with the shredded remnants of the package surrounding his feet, looking the action figure of himself over closely.
Donovan: Not sure they got the beard right...
Owen: They got the beard right.
Donovan: Really? I don't think so... and look... eyebrow action.
Donovan presses a button on the back of the figure, Action Figure Hastings' eyebrows wiggling up and down.
Owen: Impressive. Now can we--?
Donovan: Why the fuck are there so many Cypress variations?
Owen: Because the man has no shame and will sign his name to anything?
Donovan: – why is it necessary to have him in a sombrero? He's not Mexican.
Donovan yanks that particular figure down, holding his action figure up to look the box over with him. His eyebrows shoot up, Donovan pressing the button to make Action Figure Hastings' eyebrows shoot up as well.
Donovan: The Baddest Man Alive edition?!
Donovan tosses the sombrero'd Cypress over his shoulder dismissively, looking through the stock again. He points and laughs.
Donovan: Haha! There's no Eden Morgan action figure!
Owen: That's because they're sold out.
He indicates the spot where they should be. Donovan stares at it and then at him.
Donovan: Find the Barbie dolls. Bring me one that looks like Eden. Brunette. Pasty. Complete with poor decision-making skills and possibly a prescription for antidepressants.
Owen: How exactly is this supposed to help you with your match with her?
Donovan: Research.
Owen starts to say something else, Donovan holding up Action Figure Hastings, wiggling his eyebrows at Owen.
Donovan: Why are you still here?
Owen leaves with a sigh, Donovan pulling several boxes from the shelves and ripping them apart. When Owen returns it's to find Donovan sitting cross-legged in the aisle, an army of Cypress Morgan variations before him.
Donovan (as Cypress): We have you surrounded!
Donovan (as Donovan): Oh no, whatever shall I do... Lord Hastings karate chop power, bitches!!
Donovan pushes another button on the back of Action Figure Hastings, causing the right arm to raise and lower at great speed. He does this to each of the Cypress figures in rapid succession, alternating the karate chop action with the waggling eyebrows. Each Cypress figure gets slung across the floor, except one, Action Figure Hastings making the cover. Donovan looks up at Owen expectantly. Owen drops down.
Owen: 1, 2, 3!
Donovan continues to stare at Owen. Owen sighs and covers his mouth with his hand.
Owen (as Dennis): Here is your winner, Loooooorrrrddddd Haaaaaasssstttiiinnnnngggsss!
Action Figure Hastings holds up his belt in triumph.
Donovan: Did you find Eden?
Owen: I found a few that could work.
He holds out several packages to Donovan, Donovan quickly going through them and discarding them.
Donovan: Too tan. Too tall. Well this one looks like she might have half a brain cell.
Owen: You can tell that?
Donovan tosses that one over his shoulder too.
Donovan: That's what's wrong with it. This is what you bring me?
Owen: I fail to see how this is going to help you prepare--
Donovan: You bite your tongue. Lord Hastings need not prepare for a match that he's already won. Isn't that right, Lord Hastings?
Donovan holds up Action Figure Hastings who waggles his eyebrows at Owen.
Donovan (as Donovan): You're right, as always.
Donovan: See? He agrees.
Owen stares.
Owen: I'll go get some more.
Donovan: You do that.
Owen leaves again, Donovan pulling down more packages and ripping them open. He sets up an action figure of each of the Puppet Masters on the floor before him, Action Figure Hastings' interacting with each of them.
Donovan (as Dirge): I act like I'm the supreme intelligence of the group with my big words and claiming that I'm smarter than everyone else, but the truth is... Donovan, you make me look like a dumbass!
Donovan (as Donovan): Well, it's about time you figured that out.
Donovan (as Dirge): Mine is an evil laugh, bwahahahahaha!
Donovan (as Donovan): Yeah, not really.
Action Figure Hastings karate chops Dirge, moving on to Vain. He picks the action figure up, looking at it closely.
Donovan (as Vain): I bring absolutely nothing to the table!
Donovan (as Donovan): First smart thing you've said, well, ever.
Action Figure Hastings' eyebrows waggle before karate chopping Vain. The Travis Roberts figure laughs so hard at this turn of events he falls over.
Donovan (as Travis): 'The Blessed One' declares that was one of the funniest things he's ever seen!
Donovan (as Donovan): Of course it was, it was my idea.
Donovan (as Travis): Permission to ride on your coattails for a little while longer?
Donovan (as Donovan): Permission granted as always, my friend.
The two action figures perform a handshake which then turns into a complicated series of movements that are too spectacular to even describe.
Donovan: Secret handshake action!
Owen returns with more dolls, handing them over to Hastings. Donovan studies them closely.
Donovan: Too successful-looking.
Tossed over the shoulder.
Donovan: This one looks like she has her shit together. Fail.
Tossed over shoulder.
Donovan: Yes, yes this one will do. It just screams white trash trust fund.
Owen: Great. Can we go now?
Donovan starts to reply when an associate spots them.
Associate: Hey! What the-- You can't do tha--
Sadly, the associate's verbal spewing is cut short as he slips on the Vain action figure and hits the floor, knocking himself unconscious. Action Figure Hastings' waggles his eyebrows at the fallen associate.
Donovan: Never tell Lord Hastings what he can't do!
He gets to his feet, surveying the damage just as a big, burly biker rounds the corner. The man, who looks like he chews nails as a hobby, looks the shelves over and then the action figures littering the floor. He looks up at Donovan and Owen, cracking his knuckles.
Donovan: Your name wouldn't happen to be 8Ball by chance, would it? No? What about Skull? Ogre? Any of those? Remotely close?
Biker: My boy wants a Cypress Morgan action figure. And here they are scattered all over the fucking floor. I wanna know who did this.
Donovan shoves the Hastings action figure and the Eden Barbie into Owen's hands, pointing at him.
Donovan: That would be him. You two have fun now.
Donovan shoves a startled Owen toward the angry-looking biker.
Donovan: I told you not to open all those! You'll have to excuse him, sir, he's mildly retarded.
Donovan moves quickly, making his way back over to Calypso and the twins.
Calypso: Donovan, wha-
Donovan: Can't stay and chat, let's move.
Donovan grabs Calypso, dragging her with him. She digs in her heels, yanking back.
Calypso: Donovan!
Donovan makes an uh-oh face, spinning around quickly and grabbing the stroller with the twins in it. Calypso gives him an incredulous look as he makes a beeline for the exit.
Donovan: What?! You can't take Owen anywhere.
Calypso's voice filters back in from outside the store.
Calypso: Why do you always want to piss me off?