Post by Lord Hastings on Oct 24, 2014 8:31:24 GMT -5
Donovan exits his children’s bedroom, gently closing the door behind him, and sees Owen Peterson waiting for him. Donovan puts a single finger to his lips before speaking softly.
Hastings: What is it?
Owen: We have a...guest.
Hastings: Oh?
Owen: You need to come downstairs for this.
Owen leads Donovan downstairs to his study, where Rob Cartwright sits waiting for him.
Cartwright: Mr. Hastings. Thank you for seeing me.
Hastings: You’ve got two minutes.
Cartwright: Thank you. I-
Hastings: They started ninety seconds ago.
Cartwright: Ahem. I am here on behalf of Miss Morgan and the Piercing Media Network. First of all, she hopes you understand that what happened at Sin City between you and her was just business, nothing more.
Donovan glances at his watch.
Cartwright: In an act of good faith, she’d like to offer you your own show on PMN.
Hastings: My own show?
Cartwright: PMN is looking to widen its portfolio and she thinks you have a lot of potential. The lead of a situational comedy, perhaps?
Hastings: Uh huh.
Cartwright: Just imagine it.
Calypso is in the living room, reading a book to one toddler while the other is stacking alphabet blocks.
Calypso: Brown bear, brown bear, what do you see? I see a-
Owen: ATTENTION!!!
She gives him an annoyed look.
Owen: Yo da high an’ mighty lord o’ fathers iz ‘boutto arrive forthwif and don’t make me get my gat!
Donovan strides into the room to the sound of canned applause.
Hastings: Greetings, family. I am home!
Calypso: Wonderful. Take the garbage out.
Hastings: Go ahead, Owen.
Owen puts his hands up.
Owen: Ah be staying out o’ dis here one peep this shit.
Hastings: I was born to have others relocate my waste for me!
Canned laughter.
Calypso: Why do you want to piss me off?
Hastings: Right, I’ll take it out.
Canned laughter.
Donovan carries the bag of garbage out back and drops it off in the can. He starts to go back into the house, but stops when he hears a strange noise from the other side of the fence.
Hastings: That you, neighbor?
Dirge peers over the fence, a big grin on his face.
Dirge - Well, hello there, Donny. The Greater Evil was just practicing my imitation of the mating call of the spotted owl. The Momentum Killer hasn’t performed it since a talent show when he was in the seventh grade that won him a gold ribbon.
Hastings: That’s wonderful. I’m sure you have an exciting night ahead of you.
Dirge - Something on your mind, Donny?
Hastings: Yes, I hate being called Donny. Other than that, well...no, no, I couldn’t bother you with it.
Dirge - The One You Love To Hate is here to listen to you, old friend.
Hastings: Okay, why are you talking like that?
Dirge - Hey, this is your daydream sequence, not The Remarkable One’s.
Hastings: Right. Anyway, it’s this Battleground Match we have coming up.
Dirge - You mean the Triple Threat match for the Cooperative Championship that is happening at Battleground this Monday night, live on iPPV?
They both turn and look directly at the camera for a brief moment.
Hastings: Yeah, that.
Dirge - Are you concerned that we might lose?
Hastings: Not at all. I just can’t believe the other four think they might win!
Canned laughter.
Dirge - The Greater Evil agrees that the very notion is the height of ridiculousness.
Dirge lights up a pre-rolled. Donovan just stares at him.
Hastings: Okay, that’s enough.
Cartwright: So, what do you think?
Hastings: Get out.
Hastings: What is it?
Owen: We have a...guest.
Hastings: Oh?
Owen: You need to come downstairs for this.
Owen leads Donovan downstairs to his study, where Rob Cartwright sits waiting for him.
Cartwright: Mr. Hastings. Thank you for seeing me.
Hastings: You’ve got two minutes.
Cartwright: Thank you. I-
Hastings: They started ninety seconds ago.
Cartwright: Ahem. I am here on behalf of Miss Morgan and the Piercing Media Network. First of all, she hopes you understand that what happened at Sin City between you and her was just business, nothing more.
Donovan glances at his watch.
Cartwright: In an act of good faith, she’d like to offer you your own show on PMN.
Hastings: My own show?
Cartwright: PMN is looking to widen its portfolio and she thinks you have a lot of potential. The lead of a situational comedy, perhaps?
Hastings: Uh huh.
Cartwright: Just imagine it.
~
Calypso is in the living room, reading a book to one toddler while the other is stacking alphabet blocks.
Calypso: Brown bear, brown bear, what do you see? I see a-
Owen: ATTENTION!!!
She gives him an annoyed look.
Owen: Yo da high an’ mighty lord o’ fathers iz ‘boutto arrive forthwif and don’t make me get my gat!
Donovan strides into the room to the sound of canned applause.
Hastings: Greetings, family. I am home!
Calypso: Wonderful. Take the garbage out.
Hastings: Go ahead, Owen.
Owen puts his hands up.
Owen: Ah be staying out o’ dis here one peep this shit.
Hastings: I was born to have others relocate my waste for me!
Canned laughter.
Calypso: Why do you want to piss me off?
Hastings: Right, I’ll take it out.
Canned laughter.
Donovan carries the bag of garbage out back and drops it off in the can. He starts to go back into the house, but stops when he hears a strange noise from the other side of the fence.
Hastings: That you, neighbor?
Dirge peers over the fence, a big grin on his face.
Dirge - Well, hello there, Donny. The Greater Evil was just practicing my imitation of the mating call of the spotted owl. The Momentum Killer hasn’t performed it since a talent show when he was in the seventh grade that won him a gold ribbon.
Hastings: That’s wonderful. I’m sure you have an exciting night ahead of you.
Dirge - Something on your mind, Donny?
Hastings: Yes, I hate being called Donny. Other than that, well...no, no, I couldn’t bother you with it.
Dirge - The One You Love To Hate is here to listen to you, old friend.
Hastings: Okay, why are you talking like that?
Dirge - Hey, this is your daydream sequence, not The Remarkable One’s.
Hastings: Right. Anyway, it’s this Battleground Match we have coming up.
Dirge - You mean the Triple Threat match for the Cooperative Championship that is happening at Battleground this Monday night, live on iPPV?
They both turn and look directly at the camera for a brief moment.
Hastings: Yeah, that.
Dirge - Are you concerned that we might lose?
Hastings: Not at all. I just can’t believe the other four think they might win!
Canned laughter.
Dirge - The Greater Evil agrees that the very notion is the height of ridiculousness.
Dirge lights up a pre-rolled. Donovan just stares at him.
Hastings: Okay, that’s enough.
~
Cartwright: So, what do you think?
Hastings: Get out.
