Post by Mr.Ego on Dec 7, 2014 23:12:33 GMT -5
From: vanityatitsfinest@gmail.com
Sent: Friday, December 5, 2014 9:15 AM
To: admin@wrestlingobserver.com
Subject: Vanity’s Musings
To Whom It May Concern,
It has come to “The Vain One’s” attention that there have been masses of people clamoring to get my thoughts on a multitude of things over the last few months, with the new ‘flavor of the month’ being my thoughts on the HORIZONS pay-per-view, as well as the ‘Run of the Mill’ match that I find myself a part of. Imagine that…all everyone does is piss and moan about how much “The Money Maker” talks, and yet when I choose to stay quiet, they piss and moan even louder. It is of the ‘Vain Opinion’ that people just like to bitch, in order to hear themselves bitch, but I digress…..
Seeing as how my good buddy Dave seems to love being the first to report upon “Breaking News”, I found it fitting to send you this correspondence, so that he can take credit, yet again, when it isn’t due.
You’re welcome, Dave.
To begin, it seems that all I ever hear is the question “Why?” “Why did Vain return at last years WrestleStock?” “Why did Vain turn on his former tag team partner, Klaus?” “Why did Vain join ‘The Puppet Masters’?” “Why did Vain turn on ‘The Puppet Masters’, and join the new ‘Piercing Media Network’?” Don’t you people get tired of asking the same old, tired clichés, week in and week out?
I sure as hell get tired of hearing and reading them.
You see, Vain was not aware that his life is an open book, in which everyone’s opinions should hold more weight than his own. Which means I don’t need my Twitter feed blowing up at three in the morning, all because Ricky is sulking in his mom’s basement over how I treated his idol and his biker whore bestie; I don’t need to be inundated with the third degree when I’m sitting down at a fine restaurant, enjoying dinner with the woman of the week; and I don’t need to be looked down upon, all because I make the decision that is best for me.
Do I go down to your place of employment, and complain that the soda from the fountain machine is flat, and that the hot dogs suck? No, because you people are free to make your own decisions, and do what allows you to make your pathetic lives a bit more manageable…even if just for a day.
To summarize in a way that I believe my good buddy Gian would…when it comes to what Vain does, just “don’t fuckin’ worry ‘bout it, iight”.
Since that is out of the way, on to some pressing business; most notably, HORIZONS. The ‘Run of the Mill’ match is almost upon us, and instead of focusing on the match itself, apparently the “in” thing to do is sit behind a computer and talk about it.
And some of the participants even have trouble with that.
Now everyone already knows how this match came about, so there’s no sense in boring you to death with trivial details that have already been regurgitated non-stop, Dave. That is…at least not until I’ve dealt with the minor league players in this match.
Harley Addams is a woman that has no business stepping foot in this match. Now before Vain begins to get hate mail for being a sexist, hear me out. It has absolutely nothing to do with her ability in that ring. Quite frankly, she has a fair amount of skill in this business. Her problem rests solely in the company that she keeps.
And I use the term “company” lightly.
Had Ms. Addams found her way to UGWC of her own accord, and went about things the proper way, not only would she have learned some valuable lessons along the way with regards to the politics of professional wrestling, but she would have gained a vast amount of experience in the ring, as well. All of that would have been a good thing. The path she chose, however, will ultimately lead to her downfall.
I’ve known Klaus for a very long time, Ms. Addams, and you can believe me when I say…he only cares about himself. Sure, things seem good now, but ultimately the alcohol…or women…or club, will win out. It’s inevitable, Ms. Addams. And when that time comes, where will that leave you? Out in the cold, with nobody to turn to? Such a shame…
Until that point, you only have one main worry…how can you escape the shadow of the group that is most well-known for having a member almost blown-up on a live wrestling broadcast, or a group that was involved in a war with an entertainment professional whose greatest gift to this company was ridding it of someone like Alex Stein?
If you value your career, Ms. Addams…you will get far, far away from ‘The Devil’s Most Wanted’, because they will ultimately be your undoing.
Moving on, we have my good buddy, Robert. Here is a man that I had the upmost respect for. He was a man that had seen and done it all in this business, and he saw in Vain a man that could get his ensemble of talent to the next level. Yet, after that occurred…he stabbed Vain in the back.
Maybe I should have seen in coming…
Now I’ve heard people over the last few months wondering how it is that Vain could do something so dastardly to a man that he claimed to respect. What I should be hearing, is how could Robert look me in the eyes, and lie to me?
He said ‘The Puppet Masters’ would be about making the business what it should be, and that we would all be equals. Then he turned around and christened Donovan Hastings as the new “man”, and Vain was supposed to be ok with that?
Me? Follow Donovan Hastings? A man whose most impressive feat is how many times he consecutively was able to bounce a tennis ball against a wall?
Fucking spare me.
Robert turned his back on me long before I made the decision that I did. And yet somehow, I’m still the bad guy? That’s fine with me…it is a role that I will relish. Just to spite all of you.
You know, when I had heard that Robert had recorded a few words of wisdom for our upcoming battle in “The Mill”, I was slightly intrigued. I had wondered what frame of mind he would be in; was he still as crazy as a loon, or would he actually be prepared for the carnage that he will be facing. Wow at the egg on my face when I viewed it…
“Boring”, “Out of touch”, “Monotonous”. Look those words and phrases up, Robert…you’ll see how well they all fit you, at this point in your “grand” career.
Red Fusion. Our Cross-Hemisphere “champion”. A man that, I thought, was one of us. Instead, he made the conscious decision to insult Eden Morgan, and strike out on his own.
Stupid move, Red. Stupid move.
I don’t think you realize just how badly you’ve made things on yourself now, Red. You already had three other people eyeing your title, with the hope of holding it high at the end of the night. Me? I have a title belt. Hell, I have two of them.
On an unrelated note, I have sent you a signed 8X10 of me holding my half of the Cooperative Championship, as well as my replica of the HSW World Title, Dave. It will deserve the best frame that you can afford on your meager salary.
As I was saying, you had a man that was willing to watch your back, and ensure that you come out of Horizons as the UGWC Cross-Hemisphere Champion, Red. In a match such as “Run of the Mill”, a smart man would accept that with open arms.
Are you not a smart man, Red?
Before you go on a tirade attempting to answer that, please know that it was a rhetorical question. And seeing as how Vain had to explain that, borrow Robert’s dictionary when he’s finished with it, and look up the word rhetorical.
The fact is, you’ve decided to bite the hand that feeds you, Red. So just tell me one thing…
How much you scrapped and clawed…bled and sweated…in order to take that title from Klaus; will it have been worth it, when you lose it so soon?
Because this is a ‘you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours’ world that we live in, Red…and I will now make it my duty to ensure that all you walk out of HORIZONS with is broken dreams, and an unfulfilled legacy.
At least you have a bar were you can drink your blues away. So that is a plus, I assume.
And finally, Martin. Where, oh where, to begin with Martin…
It’s well-documented, the history between Martin and I. So instead of this email being a more-interesting-than-the-original retread of what has already been made public knowledge, why don’t I provide Martin a little bit of “light reading”, and give him yet another reason or two to hate ‘The Vain One’?
All the time that you spent back in the cesspool known as Headstrong, waiting on ‘Yours Truly’ to re-emerge? I was down in Miami, Martin…living it up, as only Vain does. What more did I have to prove anyway, Martin? You act as if my actions after the match had any bearing on what happened during the match. During the match, simply put…I was just better than you. Afterwards…that was just for shits and giggles.
Suck it up, Buttercup. It’s been eight years.
You left all that you knew and loved, and moved to Kansas? Obviously you had suffered some sort of mental break, and needed to be institutionalized. Nobody in their right mind would choose to live in Kansas.
I find it most interesting that you spent so much time in a church over those few years, Martin. Most people attend church in order to become closer to the God they feel is watching over them. I believe that you went about things in the reverse order, my friend…because you had alright met your God, years before that.
You’re welcome.
What I don’t understand, however, is your challenge to me for “The Mill”. You spent eight years seething over the supposed “injustice” that you felt I did to you…and then you challenge me to a fight where there will be three other people involved.
If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that you’re worried, Dear Martin.
Afraid that if it’s just you and me again, that when push comes to shove, you’ll fail?
Again?
If I spent the last eight years of my life focused on one man…then spent the first year back in the industry hiding behind a mask from that one man…and then challenged him to a match of my choosing, well I’d want as many people as possible involved, too, to mask the limitations that I have when compared to that man.
Fortunately for all of the Vainiacs out there, I have no limitations. And that’s a pity for you, Martin.
UGWC HORIZONS – A “Run of the Mill” match, for the UGWC Cross-Hemisphere Championship. A championship that I took great pride in holding. A championship that I will take great pride in holding again.
I am going to systematically take apart each and every one of you at HORIZONS. Harley will wish that she is back in Los Angeles at her tattoo shop; Dirge will finally call it a career, and go back to the wife that can’t stand him, and the kids that probably share DNA with his Russian best friend; Fusion will wonder why he didn’t accept our help when he had the chance; and Martin will wish that he never unmasked here in UGWC.
You see, I’m not well-known in the land of hardcore…but it’s not as if I will refuse to get my hands dirty, if the need arises.
Jezebel Saint can attest to that.
What I plan to do to the other four halfwits that will share the stage with me? It will be nothing short of sheer brutality.
The fact that they think they have a snowballs chance in Hell of beating me?
Well that’s the most brutally pathetic thing of all.
The pleasure has been all yours.
Signed,
‘Vain’ Alan Wallace
‘The Money Maker’
‘Your Better’
‘Your New UGWC Cross-Hemisphere Champion’