Post by Lord Hastings on Mar 20, 2015 18:48:28 GMT -5
Hastings: We’re going to need dragons.
Travis - For what?
Hastings: Or zombies. Zombie dragons. We can call it Game of Zombie Dragons Sitting on Thrones. It’ll be the biggest thing on television.
Travis - Unless they have WebTV, pretty sure that isn’t the distribution model they have in mind.
Hastings: If you put dragons in it, Jet will tweet about it to all ten of his followers and that will bump the viewing numbers.
Travis - Twitter is rubbish.
Hastings: Says you.
Travis - There is no doubt in a rational person’s mind that anything worth saying can’t be said without using more than one hundred forty characters.
Hastings: Yes, I think you just made your own point. But the more important point is that we need dragons.
From Behind Camera: I think you guys are missing the point…
Hastings: THE LORD WILL TELL YOU WHEN THE POINT IS MADE!!!
From Behind Camera: Right…
Donovan lumbers towards the camera in a suit of armor.
Hastings: Alloweth beest proclaimed from upon mine throne that the ice wench known as Eden Morgan hath no chance of victory in the upcoming tournament. Coequal if 't be true the lady is able to conquer the beast of terror the lady wilt beest vanquished by the combined efforts of the Fusion and the Rydell!
Donovan begins stomping his feet as though he were a sumo wrestler.
Hastings: The truth of the matter is that thither is no force in this match egal to that of The Blessed One, no person who can ov'r taketh The Liner of Heads, beest t known that that gent who is the Guerilla of the TWiST shalt vanquish all who beest unfortunate enough to cross his path within the squared circle, beest those gents flung without ceremony ov'r these ropes!
Hastings: What’s a “Puh-Kah” anyway? Is that like a Clash of Clans reject?
Travis - You mean PKA? Pretty sure it stands for something.
Hastings: Yeah, that’s what they say about P.E.K.K.A. Dragons are still the way to go.
Owen stands in the background in a ballerina costume, looking reasonably dejected.
Hastings: This is my bell-a-rina friend, we’ve been quite close for years, as everybody knows I am a patron of the fine arts. You see, some people merely think they are an artist, because they have a collection of dopey masks, and the truth is that they don’t understand that trying to be anti-mainstream is actually mainstream these days. You know how you go against the grain? You ignore anything that a person is doing in the present, and you focus on one thing you can take out of context that happened six months ago. You ride that wave all the way, baby!
He looks back and points at Owen.
Hastings: Dance, Poppet!
Owen attempts to twirl, but trips over himself and face-plants.
Hastings: It’s going to be a hot time in the town tonight!
Hastings: It’s en vogue, you know?
From Behind Camera: I’m not really sure of anything at this point.
The camera is extremely shaky, and as the cameraman appears to temporarily lose his grip, it becomes apparent that both the cameraman and Donovan and being carried by burly men.
Hastings: Obsessing on a singular person whether you’re even set to face them or not, whether or not they even care about you. I wrote the book on that about seven years ago and turned it into a best-seller. Now everybody thinks they can get in on it. Oooh, everybody hates Eden Morgan. Oooh, four clowns are banding together and being imposing! I’d feel safer being supported by a hobo and a rubber chicken.
From Behind Camera: I think I’m going to be sick.
Calypso: What do you think you’re doing?
Hastings: It’s for the Trav-U-Mentary!
Calypso: I don’t care what it’s for, you aren’t dressing up the twins like that.
Hastings: It’s called daikaiju.
Calypso: It’s called you’re pissing me off.
Donovan turns to the camera.
Hastings: Being Japanese makes you a hidden and underappreciated gem.
Calypso: Now who the hell is this guy?
From Behind Camera: Sorry, I’m Whi-
Calypso: I don’t care who you are, get out!
Hastings: That’s right, get on out of here…
Donovan ushers the camera back, but leans in close and whispers.
Hastings: Sorry, she’s on the rag this week, you know how that can get. Fortunately she isn’t the type to let it fester, messy lot that can become, she keeps right on top of that. I’d give a high-five, but she gets mad about it, it’s a temperamental time, after all.
Hastings: They don’t stand a chance, any of them.
Donovan is wearing a referee’s shirt.
Hastings: Sure, there are twenty people in this match, but only two of them matter. TWiSTeD is going to take it this year. Did you know that Travis Roberts was in the Massive Melee longer than anyone last year? That the Lord has been in four of these, which is twice as many as anybody else in the match who is going to enter with a chance of winning it? Here’s the thing, though.
He leans forward towards the camera.
Hastings: This is the Headliner’s time. The Lord supports that. It’s been a long time in coming. Travis Roberts is due to win the Massive Melee, and nobody, not a secret spy, not a rehabilitated stoner, not a bounding bimbo, not even Red Fusion OR Dave Rydell, are going to stop him. But in that slim chance that it happens, that some fool has their best day and gets lucky, the Lord will pick up the banner and take it to the end.
He crosses his arms and nods.
Hastings: Stick that in your little motion picture.
From Behind Camera: I told you before, I’m not recording you until you take the blackface off.
Travis - So, there is a problem.
Hastings: The Spaniards won’t import your film?
Travis - They aren’t going to use any of your footage.
Hastings: They need room for the dragons, I understand.
Travis - ...yes, that’s it.
Travis - For what?
Hastings: Or zombies. Zombie dragons. We can call it Game of Zombie Dragons Sitting on Thrones. It’ll be the biggest thing on television.
Travis - Unless they have WebTV, pretty sure that isn’t the distribution model they have in mind.
Hastings: If you put dragons in it, Jet will tweet about it to all ten of his followers and that will bump the viewing numbers.
Travis - Twitter is rubbish.
Hastings: Says you.
Travis - There is no doubt in a rational person’s mind that anything worth saying can’t be said without using more than one hundred forty characters.
Hastings: Yes, I think you just made your own point. But the more important point is that we need dragons.
From Behind Camera: I think you guys are missing the point…
Hastings: THE LORD WILL TELL YOU WHEN THE POINT IS MADE!!!
From Behind Camera: Right…
[Static]
Donovan lumbers towards the camera in a suit of armor.
Hastings: Alloweth beest proclaimed from upon mine throne that the ice wench known as Eden Morgan hath no chance of victory in the upcoming tournament. Coequal if 't be true the lady is able to conquer the beast of terror the lady wilt beest vanquished by the combined efforts of the Fusion and the Rydell!
Donovan begins stomping his feet as though he were a sumo wrestler.
Hastings: The truth of the matter is that thither is no force in this match egal to that of The Blessed One, no person who can ov'r taketh The Liner of Heads, beest t known that that gent who is the Guerilla of the TWiST shalt vanquish all who beest unfortunate enough to cross his path within the squared circle, beest those gents flung without ceremony ov'r these ropes!
[Static]
Hastings: What’s a “Puh-Kah” anyway? Is that like a Clash of Clans reject?
Travis - You mean PKA? Pretty sure it stands for something.
Hastings: Yeah, that’s what they say about P.E.K.K.A. Dragons are still the way to go.
[Static]
Owen stands in the background in a ballerina costume, looking reasonably dejected.
Hastings: This is my bell-a-rina friend, we’ve been quite close for years, as everybody knows I am a patron of the fine arts. You see, some people merely think they are an artist, because they have a collection of dopey masks, and the truth is that they don’t understand that trying to be anti-mainstream is actually mainstream these days. You know how you go against the grain? You ignore anything that a person is doing in the present, and you focus on one thing you can take out of context that happened six months ago. You ride that wave all the way, baby!
He looks back and points at Owen.
Hastings: Dance, Poppet!
Owen attempts to twirl, but trips over himself and face-plants.
Hastings: It’s going to be a hot time in the town tonight!
[Static]
Hastings: It’s en vogue, you know?
From Behind Camera: I’m not really sure of anything at this point.
The camera is extremely shaky, and as the cameraman appears to temporarily lose his grip, it becomes apparent that both the cameraman and Donovan and being carried by burly men.
Hastings: Obsessing on a singular person whether you’re even set to face them or not, whether or not they even care about you. I wrote the book on that about seven years ago and turned it into a best-seller. Now everybody thinks they can get in on it. Oooh, everybody hates Eden Morgan. Oooh, four clowns are banding together and being imposing! I’d feel safer being supported by a hobo and a rubber chicken.
From Behind Camera: I think I’m going to be sick.
[Static]
Calypso: What do you think you’re doing?
Hastings: It’s for the Trav-U-Mentary!
Calypso: I don’t care what it’s for, you aren’t dressing up the twins like that.
Hastings: It’s called daikaiju.
Calypso: It’s called you’re pissing me off.
Donovan turns to the camera.
Hastings: Being Japanese makes you a hidden and underappreciated gem.
Calypso: Now who the hell is this guy?
From Behind Camera: Sorry, I’m Whi-
Calypso: I don’t care who you are, get out!
Hastings: That’s right, get on out of here…
Donovan ushers the camera back, but leans in close and whispers.
Hastings: Sorry, she’s on the rag this week, you know how that can get. Fortunately she isn’t the type to let it fester, messy lot that can become, she keeps right on top of that. I’d give a high-five, but she gets mad about it, it’s a temperamental time, after all.
[Static]
Hastings: They don’t stand a chance, any of them.
Donovan is wearing a referee’s shirt.
Hastings: Sure, there are twenty people in this match, but only two of them matter. TWiSTeD is going to take it this year. Did you know that Travis Roberts was in the Massive Melee longer than anyone last year? That the Lord has been in four of these, which is twice as many as anybody else in the match who is going to enter with a chance of winning it? Here’s the thing, though.
He leans forward towards the camera.
Hastings: This is the Headliner’s time. The Lord supports that. It’s been a long time in coming. Travis Roberts is due to win the Massive Melee, and nobody, not a secret spy, not a rehabilitated stoner, not a bounding bimbo, not even Red Fusion OR Dave Rydell, are going to stop him. But in that slim chance that it happens, that some fool has their best day and gets lucky, the Lord will pick up the banner and take it to the end.
He crosses his arms and nods.
Hastings: Stick that in your little motion picture.
From Behind Camera: I told you before, I’m not recording you until you take the blackface off.
[Static]
Travis - So, there is a problem.
Hastings: The Spaniards won’t import your film?
Travis - They aren’t going to use any of your footage.
Hastings: They need room for the dragons, I understand.
Travis - ...yes, that’s it.
