Post by Mr.Ego on Apr 22, 2015 23:17:51 GMT -5
April 21
What in the hell have I gotten myself into?
By now everyone has heard of the stipulation that has been attached to my title defense match at Kobayashi Maru. For those of you living under a rock, however, I will clue you in. The winner of the World Title Match must adopt the persona of the loser, for a period of thirty days. For further clarification…
It means I’m in Hell, regardless of the outcome.
Don’t believe me? Just think about it. Sure, it would be hilarious to watch as Fear attempts to hold normal, day-to-day conversations, with actual people, but if this were to happen, it would mean that ‘Yours Truly’ came up on the short end of his very first title defense. Much like the two men that held this title previously.
Conversely, if ‘The Money Maker’ is victorious at Kobayashi Maru, it means that for a period of thirty days, ‘The Vain One’ must become one with his inner boogeyman, writing in riddles, as he hides out in coat closets attempting to scare people. It would mean that the millions of Vaniacs worldwide would go one full month with nary a sighting of their ‘Epitome of Sexy’. It would mean that the face of this great company would be unable to show, well, his face.
I shudder at the thought.
One of my fans sent me a gift the other day. It was the very journal that I use to now write. According to the letter that she sent with it, using this would be a way for Vain to ready himself for when he successfully defends his World Title against Phrixus Deimos. While I appreciate the thought, Cassandra from Arlington, Virginia, your choice in the wide-ruled paper over the college-ruled is unsavory. Rest assured that Vain will be replacing this journal at his earliest convenience.
However, the thought behind the gesture has led me to ask a question. What type of person feels the need to write down all of their thoughts? Does my opponent believe that the act makes him an oracle of sorts, with his main duty being jotting down divine works, so that those coming after him can reflect and prosper? Pardon the pun, but is he really that vain? Does he truly think that highly of himself?
And people call me arrogant.
Thursday – April 23, 2015 – 14:30
“Vain doesn’t understand why you’re so angry all the time, Robert. Is Vain not helping this company make money, hand over fist?”
UGWC’s Head of Human Resources sits rigidly behind his desk, staring at Louis, which is sitting on the desk in front of him. With a scowl on his face, he looks up at the reigning UGWC Heavyweight Champion of the World.
“God dammit, Humble…how many times do you have to be told?! The name’s Old Bob, you pretentious sonofabitch. Why in the hell are you here anyway? Old Bob has much better things to do than deal with your egotistical ass today. Punching myself in my man-parts comes to mind.”
“Is that any way to speak to the man that has caused PPV buy rates to skyrocket since he first appeared on Day 1 of WrestleStock 2013? Talk about biting the hand that feeds you…”
Old Bob grips each end of Louis, and begins to rise from his seat. Vain smiles, but then holds up his arms in a non-threatening manner.
“Calm down, Ooley. Don’t pop a blood vessel. I am merely here because you and I haven’t had a chance to sit and chat for a while. And I figured since I have a media session scheduled in less than a half-an-hour, why not come down and reminisce?”
“What in blue fuck would you and Old Bob possibly have to reminisce about, Humble? Old Bob doesn’t like you…hell, I’ve never liked you. Are you so fucking dense that you can’t see that? Are you so in your own fucking world that you are oblivious to every God damn thing that goes on around you?”
Vain, who had been fiddling on his phone, looks up casually.
“My apologies, Robert…my attention was diverted momentarily. Looks like Vain is trending again. You were saying?
“Get the fuck out.”
“It’s amazing to me that you were able to become certified, in order to provide therapy to those in need. Of course your star pupil is a murderer, while your favorite student is the very man that went home to find his smile after ‘Yours Truly’ humiliated him in front of the world at Massive Melee. You know…on second thought…no wonder you’re always in such a pissy mood. You seem to make a habit of aligning yourself with losers. Pity.”
“God dammit, get the fuck out of my office, Humble!”
“At least you won’t be let down when I humiliate Deimos on Monday.”
Vain turns and begins walking towards the exit, as Ooley steps out from behind of his desk…gripping Louis with deadly intentions.
“You have no idea who you’re facing, Humble! He might scare the bejeesus out of Old Bob from time to time, but Scared isn’t one you want to fuck with! You’re going to find out real soon the world of hurt that you’re in for, Humble. And Old Bob is gonna be at the edge of his seat, enjoying every damn minute of suffering that he makes you endure! I hope you enjoyed your title reign, Humble…because it comes to an end in four days!”
Vain can be heard whistling, as he makes his way down the hall.
Thursday – April 23, 2015 – 15:10
Vain stands in front of the podium, as members of the media stand before him. The question and answer session is already underway.
“Vain…Gloria from the Chicago Review. After such a hard-fought battle against Klaus vonKnorre just a few weeks ago, do you feel that you are fully prepared to face a man such as Phrixus Deimos?”
“Vain prides himself on the amount of preparation that he goes through for every match, Gloria. That fact doesn’t make Mr. Deimos any more special than any other member of the roster here in UGWC. As the UGWC World Champion, it is my duty to be prepared for anything and everything…and ensure that I put on the best show possible, regardless of who my opponent is. Well, except for maybe Martin Graber. Then again, the only match that Graber is interested in having with ‘The Money Maker’ is of the match.com variety. And no still means no, Graber.”
“It’s Ted from ‘The Illinois Gazette’. Do you think it’s wise to be making jokes, when you are four days away from your toughest match to date? Or do you have that little respect for the man they call Fear?”
Vain smiles down at the diminutive, balding man.
“Trust ‘The Vain One’ when he says, he knows exactly who he is facing on Monday. Fear is a multi-time champion, in numerous federations, both in singles action, as well as cooperative action; he’s been a Triple Crown Champion and a Grand Slam Champion; he’s been a Lord if the Ring; and he’s won the Massive Melee battle royal twice – the second time being the match that propelled him to the greatness that he will stand before in Tokyo, as he attempts to win the title that currently rests on my shoulder for the third time.”
“And I also know that he was considered the greatest UGWC Cross-Hemisphere Champion of all time. Well, at least until Vain came along.”
“Vain respects the career that Deimos has had, and he respects all that Deimos has done for this industry. But Deimos’ time has come and gone; he is nothing more than a novelty act in Vain’s UGWC. And on Monday, I will prove to him why I’m now the standard-bearer of this great company…and why he should go back into the shadows, and relish in the success that he used to have.”
An unknown man raises his hand, and Vain takes notice.
“Vain doesn’t recall seeing you before, my good man. It’s good to see that, while Vain is obviously still the best-looking person in attendance here today, that at least there is a somewhat close second.”
“I appreciate that, Vain. The name is Chad, and I’ve followed your career rather closely since you began in HSW.”
“You look very familiar to ‘Mr. Ego’. Have we met before?”
“Subconsciously, maybe. Anyway, I’m curious as to what you’ve been doing to prepare for the aftermath of your upcoming match. Have you thought that far ahead yet, or are you strictly focused on the match itself, and plan on letting whatever happens afterwards…happen?”
“Well Chad, you don’t succeed in chess without thinking five and six moves ahead. And really, all this line of work is, is just one big chess match. It’s just an extremely physical one. So to answer your question, yes, I have thought ahead to what the next month will be like.”
“Care to share, Vain?”
“Strictly because I feel as if there is some sort of connection between us, I will let you in on a little secret. To this point it’s been hush-hush, but Vain has already been in touch with a litany of Italian virgin seamstresses, and items are already being hand-crafted with that certain flair…that specific regal elegance…that only Vain is known for.”
“You lost me, Vain…”
“Well I figure that if I am to be relegated to emulate someone like Phrixus Deimos, I might as well at least be comfortable, Chad. As such, ‘Yours Truly’ is having a special robe, a beautiful mask, and a top of the line new journal all hand-made for the month-long period that will be Vain’s victory celebration over the one called Fear. And while I won’t give specifics on the look, I will give a couple of keywords: opulent, virginal, and golden.”
“Why does that ring a bell?”
“Probably because Vain had a similar robe made quite a few years ago. I ended up giving one to charity, because Vain is nothing if not cognizant of the troubles that occur around him. From what I have been told, that gracious act ended up saving an orphanage from being foreclosed on. A Mr. Mayweather bought it and hung it over his mantle. Apparently ‘The Vain One’ is his idol. Sounds like he has great taste.”
“That’s right! I remember now! It was rumored that ‘Money’ had to put a lein on his mansion in order to afford it.”
“At least he had his priorities in order.”
Vain steps away from the podium and begins gathering his things, as cameras flash all around him.
April 24
My opponent would have you believe that I am nothing more than a farce; a loud-mouth buffoon who lucked into winning the most prestigious championship in the world by winning it over a man who was clearly in over his head.
My opponent would have you believe that I attempt to mask my own inadequacies with my bodacious braggadocio, and that my ability to talk is a crutch that I use in order to psyche opponents out.
My opponent feels that it is time he re-takes the position that he feels he is due, and that he has earned.
My opponent has clearly underestimated what I am capable of in that ring.
While there are many differences between the two of us, the one thing that we do have in common is our yearning to be the best that this industry has. He looks at what he’s done in the past, and thinks that he has earned the right to wear the World Title around his waist again. I look at what I am currently doing, and know that I have earned the right to continue wearing the World Title around my waist, for as long as I so choose.
I’ve racked my brain the last few days, wondering just why someone would actually take the time to regularly write in one of these things. And after careful consternation on the subject, I believe I know why Deimos uses this as his medium to the outside world.
The journal is his crutch.
We all live on borrowed time in this industry. Time waits for no man or woman in the world of professional wrestling, and we all understand that a point will come where we can’t do this anymore. And that only pushes us for more.
More wins.
More titles.
More prestige.
More to add to our legacies.
Deimos currently stares Father Time in the eyes, and they are currently battling to see who will blink first. What happens if it is Phrixus?
How long before people begin to move on, Phrix?
How long before they forget?
That’s the biggest fear that any of us have in life; the fear of being forgotten. By friends...by family...or in wrestling, by our fans.
Have no fear, Mr. Deimos...you are set to face ‘Vain’ Alan Wallace. And just like with all of the others, by merely being in the same ring as me, wrestling fans around the world will be talking about you for years to come. After that? Well…..
At least you’ll have your writing.
What in the hell have I gotten myself into?
By now everyone has heard of the stipulation that has been attached to my title defense match at Kobayashi Maru. For those of you living under a rock, however, I will clue you in. The winner of the World Title Match must adopt the persona of the loser, for a period of thirty days. For further clarification…
It means I’m in Hell, regardless of the outcome.
Don’t believe me? Just think about it. Sure, it would be hilarious to watch as Fear attempts to hold normal, day-to-day conversations, with actual people, but if this were to happen, it would mean that ‘Yours Truly’ came up on the short end of his very first title defense. Much like the two men that held this title previously.
Conversely, if ‘The Money Maker’ is victorious at Kobayashi Maru, it means that for a period of thirty days, ‘The Vain One’ must become one with his inner boogeyman, writing in riddles, as he hides out in coat closets attempting to scare people. It would mean that the millions of Vaniacs worldwide would go one full month with nary a sighting of their ‘Epitome of Sexy’. It would mean that the face of this great company would be unable to show, well, his face.
I shudder at the thought.
One of my fans sent me a gift the other day. It was the very journal that I use to now write. According to the letter that she sent with it, using this would be a way for Vain to ready himself for when he successfully defends his World Title against Phrixus Deimos. While I appreciate the thought, Cassandra from Arlington, Virginia, your choice in the wide-ruled paper over the college-ruled is unsavory. Rest assured that Vain will be replacing this journal at his earliest convenience.
However, the thought behind the gesture has led me to ask a question. What type of person feels the need to write down all of their thoughts? Does my opponent believe that the act makes him an oracle of sorts, with his main duty being jotting down divine works, so that those coming after him can reflect and prosper? Pardon the pun, but is he really that vain? Does he truly think that highly of himself?
And people call me arrogant.
Thursday – April 23, 2015 – 14:30
“Vain doesn’t understand why you’re so angry all the time, Robert. Is Vain not helping this company make money, hand over fist?”
UGWC’s Head of Human Resources sits rigidly behind his desk, staring at Louis, which is sitting on the desk in front of him. With a scowl on his face, he looks up at the reigning UGWC Heavyweight Champion of the World.
“God dammit, Humble…how many times do you have to be told?! The name’s Old Bob, you pretentious sonofabitch. Why in the hell are you here anyway? Old Bob has much better things to do than deal with your egotistical ass today. Punching myself in my man-parts comes to mind.”
“Is that any way to speak to the man that has caused PPV buy rates to skyrocket since he first appeared on Day 1 of WrestleStock 2013? Talk about biting the hand that feeds you…”
Old Bob grips each end of Louis, and begins to rise from his seat. Vain smiles, but then holds up his arms in a non-threatening manner.
“Calm down, Ooley. Don’t pop a blood vessel. I am merely here because you and I haven’t had a chance to sit and chat for a while. And I figured since I have a media session scheduled in less than a half-an-hour, why not come down and reminisce?”
“What in blue fuck would you and Old Bob possibly have to reminisce about, Humble? Old Bob doesn’t like you…hell, I’ve never liked you. Are you so fucking dense that you can’t see that? Are you so in your own fucking world that you are oblivious to every God damn thing that goes on around you?”
Vain, who had been fiddling on his phone, looks up casually.
“My apologies, Robert…my attention was diverted momentarily. Looks like Vain is trending again. You were saying?
“Get the fuck out.”
“It’s amazing to me that you were able to become certified, in order to provide therapy to those in need. Of course your star pupil is a murderer, while your favorite student is the very man that went home to find his smile after ‘Yours Truly’ humiliated him in front of the world at Massive Melee. You know…on second thought…no wonder you’re always in such a pissy mood. You seem to make a habit of aligning yourself with losers. Pity.”
“God dammit, get the fuck out of my office, Humble!”
“At least you won’t be let down when I humiliate Deimos on Monday.”
Vain turns and begins walking towards the exit, as Ooley steps out from behind of his desk…gripping Louis with deadly intentions.
“You have no idea who you’re facing, Humble! He might scare the bejeesus out of Old Bob from time to time, but Scared isn’t one you want to fuck with! You’re going to find out real soon the world of hurt that you’re in for, Humble. And Old Bob is gonna be at the edge of his seat, enjoying every damn minute of suffering that he makes you endure! I hope you enjoyed your title reign, Humble…because it comes to an end in four days!”
Vain can be heard whistling, as he makes his way down the hall.
Thursday – April 23, 2015 – 15:10
Vain stands in front of the podium, as members of the media stand before him. The question and answer session is already underway.
“Vain…Gloria from the Chicago Review. After such a hard-fought battle against Klaus vonKnorre just a few weeks ago, do you feel that you are fully prepared to face a man such as Phrixus Deimos?”
“Vain prides himself on the amount of preparation that he goes through for every match, Gloria. That fact doesn’t make Mr. Deimos any more special than any other member of the roster here in UGWC. As the UGWC World Champion, it is my duty to be prepared for anything and everything…and ensure that I put on the best show possible, regardless of who my opponent is. Well, except for maybe Martin Graber. Then again, the only match that Graber is interested in having with ‘The Money Maker’ is of the match.com variety. And no still means no, Graber.”
“It’s Ted from ‘The Illinois Gazette’. Do you think it’s wise to be making jokes, when you are four days away from your toughest match to date? Or do you have that little respect for the man they call Fear?”
Vain smiles down at the diminutive, balding man.
“Trust ‘The Vain One’ when he says, he knows exactly who he is facing on Monday. Fear is a multi-time champion, in numerous federations, both in singles action, as well as cooperative action; he’s been a Triple Crown Champion and a Grand Slam Champion; he’s been a Lord if the Ring; and he’s won the Massive Melee battle royal twice – the second time being the match that propelled him to the greatness that he will stand before in Tokyo, as he attempts to win the title that currently rests on my shoulder for the third time.”
“And I also know that he was considered the greatest UGWC Cross-Hemisphere Champion of all time. Well, at least until Vain came along.”
“Vain respects the career that Deimos has had, and he respects all that Deimos has done for this industry. But Deimos’ time has come and gone; he is nothing more than a novelty act in Vain’s UGWC. And on Monday, I will prove to him why I’m now the standard-bearer of this great company…and why he should go back into the shadows, and relish in the success that he used to have.”
An unknown man raises his hand, and Vain takes notice.
“Vain doesn’t recall seeing you before, my good man. It’s good to see that, while Vain is obviously still the best-looking person in attendance here today, that at least there is a somewhat close second.”
“I appreciate that, Vain. The name is Chad, and I’ve followed your career rather closely since you began in HSW.”
“You look very familiar to ‘Mr. Ego’. Have we met before?”
“Subconsciously, maybe. Anyway, I’m curious as to what you’ve been doing to prepare for the aftermath of your upcoming match. Have you thought that far ahead yet, or are you strictly focused on the match itself, and plan on letting whatever happens afterwards…happen?”
“Well Chad, you don’t succeed in chess without thinking five and six moves ahead. And really, all this line of work is, is just one big chess match. It’s just an extremely physical one. So to answer your question, yes, I have thought ahead to what the next month will be like.”
“Care to share, Vain?”
“Strictly because I feel as if there is some sort of connection between us, I will let you in on a little secret. To this point it’s been hush-hush, but Vain has already been in touch with a litany of Italian virgin seamstresses, and items are already being hand-crafted with that certain flair…that specific regal elegance…that only Vain is known for.”
“You lost me, Vain…”
“Well I figure that if I am to be relegated to emulate someone like Phrixus Deimos, I might as well at least be comfortable, Chad. As such, ‘Yours Truly’ is having a special robe, a beautiful mask, and a top of the line new journal all hand-made for the month-long period that will be Vain’s victory celebration over the one called Fear. And while I won’t give specifics on the look, I will give a couple of keywords: opulent, virginal, and golden.”
“Why does that ring a bell?”
“Probably because Vain had a similar robe made quite a few years ago. I ended up giving one to charity, because Vain is nothing if not cognizant of the troubles that occur around him. From what I have been told, that gracious act ended up saving an orphanage from being foreclosed on. A Mr. Mayweather bought it and hung it over his mantle. Apparently ‘The Vain One’ is his idol. Sounds like he has great taste.”
“That’s right! I remember now! It was rumored that ‘Money’ had to put a lein on his mansion in order to afford it.”
“At least he had his priorities in order.”
Vain steps away from the podium and begins gathering his things, as cameras flash all around him.
April 24
My opponent would have you believe that I am nothing more than a farce; a loud-mouth buffoon who lucked into winning the most prestigious championship in the world by winning it over a man who was clearly in over his head.
My opponent would have you believe that I attempt to mask my own inadequacies with my bodacious braggadocio, and that my ability to talk is a crutch that I use in order to psyche opponents out.
My opponent feels that it is time he re-takes the position that he feels he is due, and that he has earned.
My opponent has clearly underestimated what I am capable of in that ring.
While there are many differences between the two of us, the one thing that we do have in common is our yearning to be the best that this industry has. He looks at what he’s done in the past, and thinks that he has earned the right to wear the World Title around his waist again. I look at what I am currently doing, and know that I have earned the right to continue wearing the World Title around my waist, for as long as I so choose.
I’ve racked my brain the last few days, wondering just why someone would actually take the time to regularly write in one of these things. And after careful consternation on the subject, I believe I know why Deimos uses this as his medium to the outside world.
The journal is his crutch.
We all live on borrowed time in this industry. Time waits for no man or woman in the world of professional wrestling, and we all understand that a point will come where we can’t do this anymore. And that only pushes us for more.
More wins.
More titles.
More prestige.
More to add to our legacies.
Deimos currently stares Father Time in the eyes, and they are currently battling to see who will blink first. What happens if it is Phrixus?
How long before people begin to move on, Phrix?
How long before they forget?
That’s the biggest fear that any of us have in life; the fear of being forgotten. By friends...by family...or in wrestling, by our fans.
Have no fear, Mr. Deimos...you are set to face ‘Vain’ Alan Wallace. And just like with all of the others, by merely being in the same ring as me, wrestling fans around the world will be talking about you for years to come. After that? Well…..
At least you’ll have your writing.