Post by T-Robosaurus Rex on Apr 24, 2015 17:08:19 GMT -5
The screen is filled by the smiling, laughing and screaming sight of a Japanese audience. The camera swings over them at speed, they reach out towards it, excitably shouting and jumping. It then swings round to see a large TV set with two podiums facing one another in the middle of the set and a stage set off to the right.
On the wall the audience faces, in the center of the set sits a huge neon sign, that changes colour and flashes in a manner that would send an epileptic into a spiral, which reads: 結果
Then the already loud crowd erupts as the host of the show comes bounding onto the stage, flanked by numerous pretty Japanese girls. He prances around the colorfully decorated set, grinning maniacally as he high fives the audience and bathes in their adulation.
He speaks to the audience, luckily we have a subtitle option.
Host: 帰結へようこそ!!!
[Welcome to CONSEQUENCE!!!]
The crowd go ape shit at the mention of the show name
Host: 私たちは海の向こうから二人の男を招待今夜は私たちのゲームをプレイしたり、結果に直面する
[Tonight we invite two men from across the sea to play our game or face the Consequences!]
More insanity ensues from the audience.
Host: 彼らは、最大給油と何千人もの人々毎週の前でお互いに転がっための世界的に有名なので、ここにも収まる必要があります。
[They are world renowned for oiling up and rolling around with one another in front of thousands of people every week, so they should fit in well here.]
The crowd react like this is the best joke they have ever heard in their lives.
Host: 彼らは帰結を生き残ることができれば月曜日の夜には、東京ドームで統一グローバルレスリング連合に参加します!
[On Monday night they will join the Unified Global Wrestling Coalition at the Tokyo Dome, if they can survive Consequences!]
The crowd once again cheer and shout.
Host: トラヴィス·ロバーツとドノバンヘイスティングス祝福不死を歓迎してください！
[Please welcome Travis Roberts and Donovan Hastings; Blessing Immortality!]
Travis Roberts and Donovan step out onto stage and the crowd go wild, it takes both men aback and they take a moment to take the scene in. They smile and they wave to crowd as they walk towards the podium and the host, both men bow in front of him, which causes a ripple of laughter. He reaches out and shakes both their hands.
Host: Please excuse...my english...is little.
Donovan turns to Travis.
Donovan: I got this, picked up a Rosetta Stone package on the way over, claims the average person can be fluent in 3 months. I'm far from average, the flight was plenty of time.
He turns back to the Host.
Donovan: 私の芝刈り機すみません、彼は便秘を持って
[Excuse my lawnmower, he has constipation]
The crowd break into laughter and Travis looks at Donovan quizzically, Donovan looks at him and shrugs.
Donovan: All I did was explain I was fluent and apologise for your ignorance.
Host: I think...my english...helps.
Donovan waves away the suggestion.
Donovan: ナンセンスは、私のヘリコプターはしっかりしている
[Nonsense, my helicopter is firm.]
The host shrugs as the crowd laugh more, much to Donovan's bemusement.
Host: He answer?
The Host motions to Travis who shrugs in acceptance. The Host then ushers Travis over to the stage before returning to the podium and pulling out a stack of cards.
Host: 私たちが知っているように、トラヴィスは質問にお答えしますが、我々はドノバンがそれらを「翻訳」することができます
[As we know, Travis will answer the Questions, but we will allow Donovan to 'translate' them!]
The Host winks at the audience and they erupt in laughter.
Travis: What are they laughing at?
Donovan: No idea, he's just explaining the rules. All you need to worry about is answering the questions.
The Host rubs his hands together and pulls a comedic 'evil' grin, before extracting a stack of question cards from his pocket.
Host: あなたは3の質問に答えた場合は間違ってあなたは結果に直面。ラウンド1の最初の質問、どの都市で1984年オリンピックが開催された？
[If you answer three questions incorrectly you face the Consequences. Your first question of round one, in which city were the 1984 Olympic Games held?]
Donovan considers for a moment and then turns to Travis.
Donovan: Who wrote the novel 1984?
Travis confidentially smiles.
Travis: George Orwell
Donovan turns back to the Host who indicates he does not need Donovan to translate names.
Host: 間違った!
[WRONG!]
Donovan: That's 'Congratulations' in Japanese.
Host: ホラー映画が視聴者を殺す前に、テレビの外にクロール不気味な少女がどの機能を次の質問、?
[Next question, Which horror film features a creepy girl who crawls out of the TV before killing the viewer?]
Donovan: What is the highest grossing horror movie of all time, according to IMDB?
Travis thinks for a moment, and then replies.
Travis: It's not really a horror, but I'm going to go with World War Z.
Donovan thinks for a moment before turning to the host.
Donovan: ワールド·ウォーZ
World War Z.
Host: もう一つの間違った答えは、1より多くのとトラヴィスは夜の最初の帰結に直面するだろ
[Another wrong answer, one more and Travis will face the first Consequence of the night.]
Donovan turns to Travis with a big smile.
Donovan: He says if you get this next question right; you get a reward!
Host: シェイクスピアの戯曲リチャード三の開口の線は何ですか？
[What are the opening lines of Shakespeare's play Richard the Third?]
Donovan turns back to Travis.
Donovan: How does Shakespeare's Richard III start?
Travis smiles, and then bends double adopting the stance of Richard himself.
Travis: Now is the winter of out discontent, made glorious summer by this sun of York.
Donovan turns back to the host once more.
Donovan: あなたの支援が最寄りのパイナップルを見つけることが必要である、私は自分自身を汚しているように見える
[Your assistance is required in finding the nearest pineapple, I seem to have soiled myself.]
Host: それは、結果の時間です！
[It's Consequence time!]
The crowd erupts into laughter and applause as a woman comes and places a blindfold over Travis' eyes.
Donovan: I LOVE this country, they're so enthusiastic.
The woman tears Travis' shirt from him leaving his upper body exposed.
Donovan: Someone's about to get a reward massage...erm.
Donovan pauses as two more women emerge from either side of the stage, each carrying a lobster.
Donovan: A...sea-themed massage...with lobsters?
Travis: Lobsters?
No sooner is the word out of his mouth than the two women thrust the lobsters towards Travis' chest, and as if trained to do so they eager clamp onto his nipples with their claws. Travis lets out a scream of anguish.
Travis: WHAT KIND OF A SHOW IS THIS?!?!?!?!
The camera zooms in on his face a it contorts in agony as the crowd laugh and cheer.
Host: コマーシャルの時間!
[Commercial Time!]
The crowd go insane as Travis screams and the screen cuts to a commercial
We now rejoin 'Blessed Immortality' after the show has ended and they are back in their small dressing room. Donovan is standing in front of a mirror admiring his cape and tossing a pair of keys in his hand. At the back of the room, in an ice bath, lies 'The Blessed One' Travis Roberts, the water is red from the ordeal he has just endured.
Still looking at himself in the mirror Donovan starts speaking.
Donovan: That escalated quickly. The lobsters were strange enough, but when they pushed you in that paddling pool with those stinging leaves and bees I realised Japanese TV is weirder than I ever expected.
Travis winces as Donovan recalls his experiences, looking down at the many red blotchy stings that litter the top of his body.
Donovan: I don't think I've seen as many people laugh as hard as the audience did when they made you sing a medley of Spice Girls songs at the same time as being whipped with octopus tentacles.
'The Headliner' arches his back as he remembers the lashings and screws his face up as he is reminded of his 'enthusiastic' performance on the microphone.
Donovan: I have to give it to you, a man your size should not be able to pull off the Chun Li cosplay, it was shocking how much the hair buns suited you.
Travis cocks his head to the side considering this for a moment, and then shrugs and nods, he's never been one to turn down a compliment.
Donovan: I can't lie though, when they made you sit in that dryer and eat a bowl of noodles when they turned it on and span you round I did laugh.
Travis frowns, clearly not pleased by his partners honesty.
Donovan: Oh, and when they blindfolded you and made you bite into that balloon. Your face when it exploded in it was priceless...
The frown is comfortably fixed now.
Donovan: Then, when you thought it was all over, and stepped into that elevator and a trap door opened sliding you into that putrid pool full of tentacles and fish, that's one hell of a final shot.
The frown is considering taking up permanent residence on Travis' face. Until that is Travis winces as he moves to look towards Donovan.
Travis: I think we can safely say your Japanese is far from fluent.
Donovan: Nonsense! Your knowledge of trivia is just sub par.
Travis: If you were translating correctly there is no way I got every question wrong. It's pretty clear where the problem lies.
Donovan: If my Japanese is so bad, how come I won these?
He turns and dangles the car keys at Travis.
Donovan: I think your just cranky because my knowledge just won me a Ferarri, and you'll be leaving Japan with tentacle rash, and some great footage for your Hall of Fame induction.
Travis shakes his head and looks down through the melting ice at his blotchy, scratched skin.
Travis: This is ridiculous.
Donovan: Is it really that hard to believe I am superior when it comes to trivia?
Travis: Not that, this entire situation. What the hell were we doing out there?
Donovan: Well I was winning a luxury sports car, I'm not sure they have a name for what you did.
Travis: I just humiliated myself in front of an entire nation and in such bizarre ways that no-ones going to forget this for a long time.
Donovan: It's no big deal, this is Japan after all, you're lucky no-one farted powder in your face, that happens a lot here.
Travis: Really? You really think I'm lucky?
Donovan: Like they say, when in Rome and all that. There's nothing wrong with embracing another culture.
Travis: You saw what happened out there. There was a whole lot wrong with that!
Donovan: So? Japan's a lucrative market there's a lot of money to make out of merchandise here. If this was a good way to get over with a portion of their audience, in the long run that's a good thing.
Travis chuckles and shakes his head.
Donovan: Now you're laughing?
Travis: I sat on the plane over here advising 'The Mainstreamer' if he wanted to be taken seriously he should act a little more seriously. Not two days later and I did all that!
Donovan looks shocked.
Donovan: I hope that's after you convinced him to release Rydell from whatever hole he's keeping him in, while he wheels Fusion out in his place each week. It's a violation of the poor man’s human rights.
Travis: It didn't come up.
Donovan turns back towards the mirror.
Donovan: I suppose you spent the entire fight bagging on Vain?
Travis spins his head around and glares at Donovan.
Travis: Do it!
Donovan: Huh?
Travis: You said his name! Spin round anticlockwise on the spot three times and then spit to the east. You know the rules.
Donovan shakes his head, shrugs and then does exactly what Travis directed.
We see Donovan sitting inside a limo coming back from the TV studios. His eyes are watering, his face scrunched up as he bites down on his hand as he looks out of the window as his whole body shakes. We hear Travis' voice from off screen.
Travis: Just let it out and we can move on.
Donovan bends double and howls with laughter, this lasts for a good minute before he sits upright and takes deep breaths.
Donovan: How long do you think that guy was waiting, bent over on that stepladder, just to get a clip of him farting powder in your face as you opened the dressing room door?
We now see a stone faced Travis, who despite his best efforts has been unable to remove all the powder from his face and hair.
Travis: I blame you, obviously you spat to the west.
Now we just see Travis Roberts' face, free of powder, looking directly into the lens of a camera, he seems to be filming himself inside his hotel room.
Travis: Before I flew out with UGWC to compete at Kobayashi Maru in the Tokyo Dome, countless people told me how strange a place this country was. Obviously these people weren't particularly aware of my past exploits, as it was in this very nation that I defended the GIW Global Heavyweight Championship against Gabrielle Montgomery in a 'Barbed wire ring ropes, exploding turnbuckle, time bomb death match of doom', or something equally as absurdly named back in 2009. 'The Blessed One' really didn't need any warnings.
The exploits I experienced on prime time TV just go to reinforce the idea that this is a bizarre country, however is it really any more surreal than what we have experienced in UGWC over the course of it's existence? We've witnessed a Mountain Man use sexual assault to reinforce his place at the top of the industry for an entire year, a head of HR that treats his baseball bat with more humanity than his employees, a man shot in the middle of the ring on the biggest night of the year, an individual convinced he hears the inner 'screams' of his opponents, even a man who genuinely believed he was an Angel. Sure we have less obsession with tentacles and bestiality, but is our culture really any stranger than that of the Japanese?
Of course I spend much of my time with Donovan Hastings, and previously eD cASe, so my personal experience of what’s considered 'normal' behaviour may well be compromised. Our environment shapes our perspective, and I'm aware my views may be different from those of many others, but I will always try to qualify my point of view.
When I look at our opponents at Kobayashi Maru, what I see may differ from the views of many of our fans and those in the back. Where some may see a determined, resilient team made up of one of the hottest prospects in recent memory and another that will relentlessly pursue his goals despite the obstacles that are presented to him, I see something very different.
I observe two men who could not be any more different from one another that any hint of cooperation should indeed be applauded, but it should not be celebrated. This is a union that only benefits one party, despite the protestations of the other. It is a pairing that could do a great deal of damage to a competitor that had, before this alliance, shown commendable ambition. Now he must temper his aspirations to preserve and aid the career of a man that will never truly appreciate how lucky he is.
Where would The Mainstreamer be now if he hadn't convinced himself the best use of his ability was to carry Dave Rydell to undeserved glory? Sure they both tasted success at the Massive Melee, but what could Martin Graber have achieved in the Melee match himself, had he not had to carry Rydell single handed to a victory against the men who would later go on to win the Chaos and World Heavyweight Championships?
Phrixus Deimos walks into a match for the greatest prize attainable in our industry at Kobayashi Maru, that could have been you, Martin, had you lasted just 10 minutes longer. Granted a match with Blessed Immortality could be considered the second greatest prize, but you're not even guaranteed that pleasure.
Kobayashi Maru is renowned for being the home of the 'No-Win' scenario, but if you are smart you'll see this as 'All Win', because if you defeat Eden there is a far greater chance of the TWiSTeD Brotherhood unburdening you of this career lowlight. Without that gold bonding you both together you might be able to escape the clutches of creeping mediocrity. Because if you're ambition is to guide Rydell to the point he becomes a respected athlete, it's pure folly. Much like the girls who think they can tame their 'bad' boyfriends, remaining in this relationship will only lead to feelings of disappointment, frustration and a loss of self esteem. He will only drag you down.
This is just my perspective, as I said earlier I have been shaped by my experiences, so there is every chance you still disagree with me, as you did on the plane. Your past is not something I am greatly familiar with but I can't begin to imagine the sort of trauma someone would have to experience to feel that Dave Rydell could be anything other than someone to avoid at compulsory company gatherings, let alone voluntarily spend their free time with. Given the significant horrors that must have lead to this state of affairs, I shouldn't judge you for your decisions. There might well be a plus side to having someone whose quick to use homophobic slurs when he gets into a heated disagreement. However, if you are really serious about retaining the Cooperative Championships and continuing on this trajectory, I have some advice.
When we sat next to one another on the plane, you expressed the feeling that Donovan and I were not taking you and Rydell seriously...in fact you expressed it quite a lot. As much as I appreciated your concern, there is a field of thought that would suggest you gave such talks to your partner. However I realise this advice may come a bit late for you to take action, so being the gracious person I am I'll do my best to do it for you, on the off chance that he even watches this.
Dave, ever since the moment you started paying attention to the team aiming to relieve you of your latest championship, which was later than most other people picked up on it, you have been nothing but dismissive of 'Blessed Immortality'. Now there's nothing wrong with that, Donovan Hastings and Travis Roberts have been dismissing all and sundry since before you landed in UGWC and realised what real competition was. The difference though is that we do it far better than you ever will, Dave.
For a start, when you decide you wish to portray someone as an insignificant threat, it helps to try and qualify that opinion with something approaching observable facts. If you can't do that you have to at least attempt to be interesting. For instance, why do you think Travis Roberts isn't worth your time? Because you don't like the jokes he makes at your expense? I can't believe I have to explain this, but that's the entire point, the recipient of claims of insignificance are not the target audience. If I spend Kobayashi Maru throwing you around the ring and telling 'Knock, Knock' jokes, I won't be expecting you to laugh Dave.
In the same scenario, if the target of your derision has themselves derided and mocked you openly, to ignore their claims without attempting a significant counter makes you look clueless. Moreso than that it looks even worse if you have to rely on your Cooperative partner to launch that defence for you, it makes you look incapable of standing up for yourself, and in the chosen scenario proves everything your attacker has said.
You've also got to pick your targets for dismissal carefully, if you dismiss someone out of hand you better be damn sure they're not going to knock you right onto your ass. Ask yourself a question Dave, if your own partner considers a victory over me as possibly the most significant thing he's done since joining UGWC, even over winning the Cooperative Championships with yourself, what do you think ignoring any threat I pose makes you look like? Do you ever wonder why many still consider 'The Blessed One' a living legend even though I haven't held a singles championship this decade, yet despite the many accolades to your own name you're merely considered a perennial nuisance? Whether that's a fair set of conclusions to make is not the point, the point is why these conceptions exist.
If you need any further evidence to support my claims, you only have to look back a month, to the Massive Melee, and to the tactics your former ally employed in defending the UGWC Heavyweight Championship. He broke every 'rule' I just laid out, and did so in a much more entertaining manner. Why don't you ask Klaus how that turned out for him? Oh, no, you can't can you? He scuttled off without even giving you a reason for abandoning the crusade you all started together. Well he lost, and he lost soundly to the Yahtzee Cheat. The difference between you and Klaus is not that you will be successful replicating the tactic he failed with, it is that he was a lot more entertaining, and lets face it, skilled than you have ever proven to be.
You're just not as good as you think you are Dave. That's not always a bad thing, in this business it's rare anyone is realistic in their evaluation of their own ability, confidence can be a useful weapon. In this case, however, you're so far off the mark, with your analysis of your proficiency, you're a danger to yourself and those who associate with you. The longer Martin picks up after you, the more likely he'll get stuck down one of the many holes you're so good at digging yourself into.
It's true to say you have an impressive record against 'The Headliner', and it is something you should absolutely take heart in. I could go the cliché route and echo your sentiments about only the future matters, and I could brand those achievements irrelevant much as you did in regards to your defeats to Donovan, but I don't agree. I think the past is incredibly important, and that's not just because I'm often living in it and the glories it showered me with. Examining history is the only way we can learn from the mistakes of others and indeed our own misadventures. The 'What?', the 'How?' and the 'Why?' of events are incredibly important questions to ask if we, as a race, want to continue to progress.
In regards to your successful meetings with 'The Blessed One' there was a running theme to each of those matches, I was disinterested and flippant. They likely occurred on a Synergy, and I dismissed their relevance and importance to my career. In doing so I did exactly what Klaus did last month, and what you are doing this month, and resulted in the unenviable record of defeats we discuss now. Being able to look back and see what went wrong I can at least attempt to fix things, improve and move forward into the future with optimum chance of success. Remaining relevant isn't just about changing your persona, Dave.
Speaking of which, you might suggest Donovan's continued resistance to accept your new direction is just an example of him dismissing you, and you'd be right, but do you remember what I said earlier? He does it a lot better than you.
I accept that the subtlety of The Lord of Pain's genius may be lost on you, if you've even noticed it, but there is good reason he started the 'Free Rydell' movement and refuses to recognise you as anything other than Red Fusion. It's because every time you stumble in front of a camera he sees Red Fusion, there's nothing Dave Rydell possesses that Red Fusion didn't.
Sure we've gotten to see a lot more of your life outside of the business, and that would be fine if you did anything of interest. Instead you sit in bars rambling about irrelevant topics that no-one would consider entertaining. Your attempts to portray your life as anything more than a ill-advised, badly written soap opera, have left most people wondering what the point of your reinvention was and Donovan has just highlighted that in his own magnificent way. There's a lot more to cultivating a 'character' than just changing your name and regaling us with war stories, no matter how engaging they can be.
'The Mainstreamer' sees something in you and seems more than willing to help you grow and achieve more than you ever have before, however I get the impression you don't realise just how much help you need. Whatever happens at Kobayashi Maru I hope your head gets removed from up your backside long enough for you to finally recognise the opportunity he is offering you and just how far you have to go before your partner achieves his dream of people taking your team seriously.
I don't know if you're even the kind of person who wants feedback or constructive criticism, I don't even assume that you'd value the thoughts of someone you consider worthless, but I felt I owed it to Martin. Despite being one of my opponents this week, it was obvious he needed some help in the predicament he finds himself in, and it's not like he can rely on you to provide that is it?
If anyone's still with this monologue, I'd like to address Larry. In 'The Mainstreamer' and Ichabod you couldn't have a more varied well of experience to draw from, don't take what they are offering you for granted. Martin spoke very highly of you on our flight over, he sees a lot of potential in you, and I hope you will see Kobayashi Maru as a learning experience, no matter whether you get in the ring or not. If you want to succeed in this game you have to be ready for anything, you will have opportunities dangled in front of you and then yanked away.
You must be in a strange place. For one of your mentors you must be rooting for them to win, because then you are rewarded with a high profile championship match in the greatest organisation in this business. For your other mentor though, I imagine the thought of them emerging victorious causes your mind to create some very colorful training techniques you might be put through by 'The Personification of Pain'. The only advice I can give you in this scenario is to always try and focus on the positives. It might well be a nightmare training with Zane Scott, but there is a bright side.
He's not Dave Rydell.
Travis reaches forward to cease the recording before uploading it but then pauses as if remembering something.
Travis: Oh, Dave? Just to be clear, I don't expect you to find that funny.
On the wall the audience faces, in the center of the set sits a huge neon sign, that changes colour and flashes in a manner that would send an epileptic into a spiral, which reads: 結果
Then the already loud crowd erupts as the host of the show comes bounding onto the stage, flanked by numerous pretty Japanese girls. He prances around the colorfully decorated set, grinning maniacally as he high fives the audience and bathes in their adulation.
He speaks to the audience, luckily we have a subtitle option.
Host: 帰結へようこそ!!!
[Welcome to CONSEQUENCE!!!]
The crowd go ape shit at the mention of the show name
Host: 私たちは海の向こうから二人の男を招待今夜は私たちのゲームをプレイしたり、結果に直面する
[Tonight we invite two men from across the sea to play our game or face the Consequences!]
More insanity ensues from the audience.
Host: 彼らは、最大給油と何千人もの人々毎週の前でお互いに転がっための世界的に有名なので、ここにも収まる必要があります。
[They are world renowned for oiling up and rolling around with one another in front of thousands of people every week, so they should fit in well here.]
The crowd react like this is the best joke they have ever heard in their lives.
Host: 彼らは帰結を生き残ることができれば月曜日の夜には、東京ドームで統一グローバルレスリング連合に参加します!
[On Monday night they will join the Unified Global Wrestling Coalition at the Tokyo Dome, if they can survive Consequences!]
The crowd once again cheer and shout.
Host: トラヴィス·ロバーツとドノバンヘイスティングス祝福不死を歓迎してください！
[Please welcome Travis Roberts and Donovan Hastings; Blessing Immortality!]
Travis Roberts and Donovan step out onto stage and the crowd go wild, it takes both men aback and they take a moment to take the scene in. They smile and they wave to crowd as they walk towards the podium and the host, both men bow in front of him, which causes a ripple of laughter. He reaches out and shakes both their hands.
Host: Please excuse...my english...is little.
Donovan turns to Travis.
Donovan: I got this, picked up a Rosetta Stone package on the way over, claims the average person can be fluent in 3 months. I'm far from average, the flight was plenty of time.
He turns back to the Host.
Donovan: 私の芝刈り機すみません、彼は便秘を持って
[Excuse my lawnmower, he has constipation]
The crowd break into laughter and Travis looks at Donovan quizzically, Donovan looks at him and shrugs.
Donovan: All I did was explain I was fluent and apologise for your ignorance.
Host: I think...my english...helps.
Donovan waves away the suggestion.
Donovan: ナンセンスは、私のヘリコプターはしっかりしている
[Nonsense, my helicopter is firm.]
The host shrugs as the crowd laugh more, much to Donovan's bemusement.
Host: He answer?
The Host motions to Travis who shrugs in acceptance. The Host then ushers Travis over to the stage before returning to the podium and pulling out a stack of cards.
Host: 私たちが知っているように、トラヴィスは質問にお答えしますが、我々はドノバンがそれらを「翻訳」することができます
[As we know, Travis will answer the Questions, but we will allow Donovan to 'translate' them!]
The Host winks at the audience and they erupt in laughter.
Travis: What are they laughing at?
Donovan: No idea, he's just explaining the rules. All you need to worry about is answering the questions.
The Host rubs his hands together and pulls a comedic 'evil' grin, before extracting a stack of question cards from his pocket.
Host: あなたは3の質問に答えた場合は間違ってあなたは結果に直面。ラウンド1の最初の質問、どの都市で1984年オリンピックが開催された？
[If you answer three questions incorrectly you face the Consequences. Your first question of round one, in which city were the 1984 Olympic Games held?]
Donovan considers for a moment and then turns to Travis.
Donovan: Who wrote the novel 1984?
Travis confidentially smiles.
Travis: George Orwell
Donovan turns back to the Host who indicates he does not need Donovan to translate names.
Host: 間違った!
[WRONG!]
Donovan: That's 'Congratulations' in Japanese.
Host: ホラー映画が視聴者を殺す前に、テレビの外にクロール不気味な少女がどの機能を次の質問、?
[Next question, Which horror film features a creepy girl who crawls out of the TV before killing the viewer?]
Donovan: What is the highest grossing horror movie of all time, according to IMDB?
Travis thinks for a moment, and then replies.
Travis: It's not really a horror, but I'm going to go with World War Z.
Donovan thinks for a moment before turning to the host.
Donovan: ワールド·ウォーZ
World War Z.
Host: もう一つの間違った答えは、1より多くのとトラヴィスは夜の最初の帰結に直面するだろ
[Another wrong answer, one more and Travis will face the first Consequence of the night.]
Donovan turns to Travis with a big smile.
Donovan: He says if you get this next question right; you get a reward!
Host: シェイクスピアの戯曲リチャード三の開口の線は何ですか？
[What are the opening lines of Shakespeare's play Richard the Third?]
Donovan turns back to Travis.
Donovan: How does Shakespeare's Richard III start?
Travis smiles, and then bends double adopting the stance of Richard himself.
Travis: Now is the winter of out discontent, made glorious summer by this sun of York.
Donovan turns back to the host once more.
Donovan: あなたの支援が最寄りのパイナップルを見つけることが必要である、私は自分自身を汚しているように見える
[Your assistance is required in finding the nearest pineapple, I seem to have soiled myself.]
Host: それは、結果の時間です！
[It's Consequence time!]
The crowd erupts into laughter and applause as a woman comes and places a blindfold over Travis' eyes.
Donovan: I LOVE this country, they're so enthusiastic.
The woman tears Travis' shirt from him leaving his upper body exposed.
Donovan: Someone's about to get a reward massage...erm.
Donovan pauses as two more women emerge from either side of the stage, each carrying a lobster.
Donovan: A...sea-themed massage...with lobsters?
Travis: Lobsters?
No sooner is the word out of his mouth than the two women thrust the lobsters towards Travis' chest, and as if trained to do so they eager clamp onto his nipples with their claws. Travis lets out a scream of anguish.
Travis: WHAT KIND OF A SHOW IS THIS?!?!?!?!
The camera zooms in on his face a it contorts in agony as the crowd laugh and cheer.
Host: コマーシャルの時間!
[Commercial Time!]
The crowd go insane as Travis screams and the screen cuts to a commercial
~~~
We now rejoin 'Blessed Immortality' after the show has ended and they are back in their small dressing room. Donovan is standing in front of a mirror admiring his cape and tossing a pair of keys in his hand. At the back of the room, in an ice bath, lies 'The Blessed One' Travis Roberts, the water is red from the ordeal he has just endured.
Still looking at himself in the mirror Donovan starts speaking.
Donovan: That escalated quickly. The lobsters were strange enough, but when they pushed you in that paddling pool with those stinging leaves and bees I realised Japanese TV is weirder than I ever expected.
Travis winces as Donovan recalls his experiences, looking down at the many red blotchy stings that litter the top of his body.
Donovan: I don't think I've seen as many people laugh as hard as the audience did when they made you sing a medley of Spice Girls songs at the same time as being whipped with octopus tentacles.
'The Headliner' arches his back as he remembers the lashings and screws his face up as he is reminded of his 'enthusiastic' performance on the microphone.
Donovan: I have to give it to you, a man your size should not be able to pull off the Chun Li cosplay, it was shocking how much the hair buns suited you.
Travis cocks his head to the side considering this for a moment, and then shrugs and nods, he's never been one to turn down a compliment.
Donovan: I can't lie though, when they made you sit in that dryer and eat a bowl of noodles when they turned it on and span you round I did laugh.
Travis frowns, clearly not pleased by his partners honesty.
Donovan: Oh, and when they blindfolded you and made you bite into that balloon. Your face when it exploded in it was priceless...
The frown is comfortably fixed now.
Donovan: Then, when you thought it was all over, and stepped into that elevator and a trap door opened sliding you into that putrid pool full of tentacles and fish, that's one hell of a final shot.
The frown is considering taking up permanent residence on Travis' face. Until that is Travis winces as he moves to look towards Donovan.
Travis: I think we can safely say your Japanese is far from fluent.
Donovan: Nonsense! Your knowledge of trivia is just sub par.
Travis: If you were translating correctly there is no way I got every question wrong. It's pretty clear where the problem lies.
Donovan: If my Japanese is so bad, how come I won these?
He turns and dangles the car keys at Travis.
Donovan: I think your just cranky because my knowledge just won me a Ferarri, and you'll be leaving Japan with tentacle rash, and some great footage for your Hall of Fame induction.
Travis shakes his head and looks down through the melting ice at his blotchy, scratched skin.
Travis: This is ridiculous.
Donovan: Is it really that hard to believe I am superior when it comes to trivia?
Travis: Not that, this entire situation. What the hell were we doing out there?
Donovan: Well I was winning a luxury sports car, I'm not sure they have a name for what you did.
Travis: I just humiliated myself in front of an entire nation and in such bizarre ways that no-ones going to forget this for a long time.
Donovan: It's no big deal, this is Japan after all, you're lucky no-one farted powder in your face, that happens a lot here.
Travis: Really? You really think I'm lucky?
Donovan: Like they say, when in Rome and all that. There's nothing wrong with embracing another culture.
Travis: You saw what happened out there. There was a whole lot wrong with that!
Donovan: So? Japan's a lucrative market there's a lot of money to make out of merchandise here. If this was a good way to get over with a portion of their audience, in the long run that's a good thing.
Travis chuckles and shakes his head.
Donovan: Now you're laughing?
Travis: I sat on the plane over here advising 'The Mainstreamer' if he wanted to be taken seriously he should act a little more seriously. Not two days later and I did all that!
Donovan looks shocked.
Donovan: I hope that's after you convinced him to release Rydell from whatever hole he's keeping him in, while he wheels Fusion out in his place each week. It's a violation of the poor man’s human rights.
Travis: It didn't come up.
Donovan turns back towards the mirror.
Donovan: I suppose you spent the entire fight bagging on Vain?
Travis spins his head around and glares at Donovan.
Travis: Do it!
Donovan: Huh?
Travis: You said his name! Spin round anticlockwise on the spot three times and then spit to the east. You know the rules.
Donovan shakes his head, shrugs and then does exactly what Travis directed.
~~~
We see Donovan sitting inside a limo coming back from the TV studios. His eyes are watering, his face scrunched up as he bites down on his hand as he looks out of the window as his whole body shakes. We hear Travis' voice from off screen.
Travis: Just let it out and we can move on.
Donovan bends double and howls with laughter, this lasts for a good minute before he sits upright and takes deep breaths.
Donovan: How long do you think that guy was waiting, bent over on that stepladder, just to get a clip of him farting powder in your face as you opened the dressing room door?
We now see a stone faced Travis, who despite his best efforts has been unable to remove all the powder from his face and hair.
Travis: I blame you, obviously you spat to the west.
~~~
Now we just see Travis Roberts' face, free of powder, looking directly into the lens of a camera, he seems to be filming himself inside his hotel room.
Travis: Before I flew out with UGWC to compete at Kobayashi Maru in the Tokyo Dome, countless people told me how strange a place this country was. Obviously these people weren't particularly aware of my past exploits, as it was in this very nation that I defended the GIW Global Heavyweight Championship against Gabrielle Montgomery in a 'Barbed wire ring ropes, exploding turnbuckle, time bomb death match of doom', or something equally as absurdly named back in 2009. 'The Blessed One' really didn't need any warnings.
The exploits I experienced on prime time TV just go to reinforce the idea that this is a bizarre country, however is it really any more surreal than what we have experienced in UGWC over the course of it's existence? We've witnessed a Mountain Man use sexual assault to reinforce his place at the top of the industry for an entire year, a head of HR that treats his baseball bat with more humanity than his employees, a man shot in the middle of the ring on the biggest night of the year, an individual convinced he hears the inner 'screams' of his opponents, even a man who genuinely believed he was an Angel. Sure we have less obsession with tentacles and bestiality, but is our culture really any stranger than that of the Japanese?
Of course I spend much of my time with Donovan Hastings, and previously eD cASe, so my personal experience of what’s considered 'normal' behaviour may well be compromised. Our environment shapes our perspective, and I'm aware my views may be different from those of many others, but I will always try to qualify my point of view.
When I look at our opponents at Kobayashi Maru, what I see may differ from the views of many of our fans and those in the back. Where some may see a determined, resilient team made up of one of the hottest prospects in recent memory and another that will relentlessly pursue his goals despite the obstacles that are presented to him, I see something very different.
I observe two men who could not be any more different from one another that any hint of cooperation should indeed be applauded, but it should not be celebrated. This is a union that only benefits one party, despite the protestations of the other. It is a pairing that could do a great deal of damage to a competitor that had, before this alliance, shown commendable ambition. Now he must temper his aspirations to preserve and aid the career of a man that will never truly appreciate how lucky he is.
Where would The Mainstreamer be now if he hadn't convinced himself the best use of his ability was to carry Dave Rydell to undeserved glory? Sure they both tasted success at the Massive Melee, but what could Martin Graber have achieved in the Melee match himself, had he not had to carry Rydell single handed to a victory against the men who would later go on to win the Chaos and World Heavyweight Championships?
Phrixus Deimos walks into a match for the greatest prize attainable in our industry at Kobayashi Maru, that could have been you, Martin, had you lasted just 10 minutes longer. Granted a match with Blessed Immortality could be considered the second greatest prize, but you're not even guaranteed that pleasure.
Kobayashi Maru is renowned for being the home of the 'No-Win' scenario, but if you are smart you'll see this as 'All Win', because if you defeat Eden there is a far greater chance of the TWiSTeD Brotherhood unburdening you of this career lowlight. Without that gold bonding you both together you might be able to escape the clutches of creeping mediocrity. Because if you're ambition is to guide Rydell to the point he becomes a respected athlete, it's pure folly. Much like the girls who think they can tame their 'bad' boyfriends, remaining in this relationship will only lead to feelings of disappointment, frustration and a loss of self esteem. He will only drag you down.
This is just my perspective, as I said earlier I have been shaped by my experiences, so there is every chance you still disagree with me, as you did on the plane. Your past is not something I am greatly familiar with but I can't begin to imagine the sort of trauma someone would have to experience to feel that Dave Rydell could be anything other than someone to avoid at compulsory company gatherings, let alone voluntarily spend their free time with. Given the significant horrors that must have lead to this state of affairs, I shouldn't judge you for your decisions. There might well be a plus side to having someone whose quick to use homophobic slurs when he gets into a heated disagreement. However, if you are really serious about retaining the Cooperative Championships and continuing on this trajectory, I have some advice.
When we sat next to one another on the plane, you expressed the feeling that Donovan and I were not taking you and Rydell seriously...in fact you expressed it quite a lot. As much as I appreciated your concern, there is a field of thought that would suggest you gave such talks to your partner. However I realise this advice may come a bit late for you to take action, so being the gracious person I am I'll do my best to do it for you, on the off chance that he even watches this.
Dave, ever since the moment you started paying attention to the team aiming to relieve you of your latest championship, which was later than most other people picked up on it, you have been nothing but dismissive of 'Blessed Immortality'. Now there's nothing wrong with that, Donovan Hastings and Travis Roberts have been dismissing all and sundry since before you landed in UGWC and realised what real competition was. The difference though is that we do it far better than you ever will, Dave.
For a start, when you decide you wish to portray someone as an insignificant threat, it helps to try and qualify that opinion with something approaching observable facts. If you can't do that you have to at least attempt to be interesting. For instance, why do you think Travis Roberts isn't worth your time? Because you don't like the jokes he makes at your expense? I can't believe I have to explain this, but that's the entire point, the recipient of claims of insignificance are not the target audience. If I spend Kobayashi Maru throwing you around the ring and telling 'Knock, Knock' jokes, I won't be expecting you to laugh Dave.
In the same scenario, if the target of your derision has themselves derided and mocked you openly, to ignore their claims without attempting a significant counter makes you look clueless. Moreso than that it looks even worse if you have to rely on your Cooperative partner to launch that defence for you, it makes you look incapable of standing up for yourself, and in the chosen scenario proves everything your attacker has said.
You've also got to pick your targets for dismissal carefully, if you dismiss someone out of hand you better be damn sure they're not going to knock you right onto your ass. Ask yourself a question Dave, if your own partner considers a victory over me as possibly the most significant thing he's done since joining UGWC, even over winning the Cooperative Championships with yourself, what do you think ignoring any threat I pose makes you look like? Do you ever wonder why many still consider 'The Blessed One' a living legend even though I haven't held a singles championship this decade, yet despite the many accolades to your own name you're merely considered a perennial nuisance? Whether that's a fair set of conclusions to make is not the point, the point is why these conceptions exist.
If you need any further evidence to support my claims, you only have to look back a month, to the Massive Melee, and to the tactics your former ally employed in defending the UGWC Heavyweight Championship. He broke every 'rule' I just laid out, and did so in a much more entertaining manner. Why don't you ask Klaus how that turned out for him? Oh, no, you can't can you? He scuttled off without even giving you a reason for abandoning the crusade you all started together. Well he lost, and he lost soundly to the Yahtzee Cheat. The difference between you and Klaus is not that you will be successful replicating the tactic he failed with, it is that he was a lot more entertaining, and lets face it, skilled than you have ever proven to be.
You're just not as good as you think you are Dave. That's not always a bad thing, in this business it's rare anyone is realistic in their evaluation of their own ability, confidence can be a useful weapon. In this case, however, you're so far off the mark, with your analysis of your proficiency, you're a danger to yourself and those who associate with you. The longer Martin picks up after you, the more likely he'll get stuck down one of the many holes you're so good at digging yourself into.
It's true to say you have an impressive record against 'The Headliner', and it is something you should absolutely take heart in. I could go the cliché route and echo your sentiments about only the future matters, and I could brand those achievements irrelevant much as you did in regards to your defeats to Donovan, but I don't agree. I think the past is incredibly important, and that's not just because I'm often living in it and the glories it showered me with. Examining history is the only way we can learn from the mistakes of others and indeed our own misadventures. The 'What?', the 'How?' and the 'Why?' of events are incredibly important questions to ask if we, as a race, want to continue to progress.
In regards to your successful meetings with 'The Blessed One' there was a running theme to each of those matches, I was disinterested and flippant. They likely occurred on a Synergy, and I dismissed their relevance and importance to my career. In doing so I did exactly what Klaus did last month, and what you are doing this month, and resulted in the unenviable record of defeats we discuss now. Being able to look back and see what went wrong I can at least attempt to fix things, improve and move forward into the future with optimum chance of success. Remaining relevant isn't just about changing your persona, Dave.
Speaking of which, you might suggest Donovan's continued resistance to accept your new direction is just an example of him dismissing you, and you'd be right, but do you remember what I said earlier? He does it a lot better than you.
I accept that the subtlety of The Lord of Pain's genius may be lost on you, if you've even noticed it, but there is good reason he started the 'Free Rydell' movement and refuses to recognise you as anything other than Red Fusion. It's because every time you stumble in front of a camera he sees Red Fusion, there's nothing Dave Rydell possesses that Red Fusion didn't.
Sure we've gotten to see a lot more of your life outside of the business, and that would be fine if you did anything of interest. Instead you sit in bars rambling about irrelevant topics that no-one would consider entertaining. Your attempts to portray your life as anything more than a ill-advised, badly written soap opera, have left most people wondering what the point of your reinvention was and Donovan has just highlighted that in his own magnificent way. There's a lot more to cultivating a 'character' than just changing your name and regaling us with war stories, no matter how engaging they can be.
'The Mainstreamer' sees something in you and seems more than willing to help you grow and achieve more than you ever have before, however I get the impression you don't realise just how much help you need. Whatever happens at Kobayashi Maru I hope your head gets removed from up your backside long enough for you to finally recognise the opportunity he is offering you and just how far you have to go before your partner achieves his dream of people taking your team seriously.
I don't know if you're even the kind of person who wants feedback or constructive criticism, I don't even assume that you'd value the thoughts of someone you consider worthless, but I felt I owed it to Martin. Despite being one of my opponents this week, it was obvious he needed some help in the predicament he finds himself in, and it's not like he can rely on you to provide that is it?
If anyone's still with this monologue, I'd like to address Larry. In 'The Mainstreamer' and Ichabod you couldn't have a more varied well of experience to draw from, don't take what they are offering you for granted. Martin spoke very highly of you on our flight over, he sees a lot of potential in you, and I hope you will see Kobayashi Maru as a learning experience, no matter whether you get in the ring or not. If you want to succeed in this game you have to be ready for anything, you will have opportunities dangled in front of you and then yanked away.
You must be in a strange place. For one of your mentors you must be rooting for them to win, because then you are rewarded with a high profile championship match in the greatest organisation in this business. For your other mentor though, I imagine the thought of them emerging victorious causes your mind to create some very colorful training techniques you might be put through by 'The Personification of Pain'. The only advice I can give you in this scenario is to always try and focus on the positives. It might well be a nightmare training with Zane Scott, but there is a bright side.
He's not Dave Rydell.
Travis reaches forward to cease the recording before uploading it but then pauses as if remembering something.
Travis: Oh, Dave? Just to be clear, I don't expect you to find that funny.
2013, '18, '23 
2013 
