Post by Lord Hastings on Apr 24, 2015 21:49:22 GMT -5
Fade in on the image of Grey Coppi seated on his interviewing stool.
Coppi: Welcome to the return edition of Making Coppi’s! I’m very excited to be back, just a few days ahead of Kobayashi Maru, the night of the no-win scenario, and pleased to be joined by my guest at this time, the Lord of Pain, Donovan Hastings.
The camera pulls back to reveal Donovan as well.
Coppi: Lord Hastings, thank you for joining me.
Hastings: The pleasure is yours.
Coppi: Big match coming up for you, as you and Travis Roberts will challenge for the Cooperative Championship together for the first time in your careers. What is the significance of this for you?
Hastings: I think the obvious significance is that the only reason anybody else has ever held those titles is because we never bothered to challenge for them together before. We’ve both proven we can carry a team to a championship. Travis had that whole bizarre Blessed Beards thing going back in the day, we’re all “don’t ask, don’t tell” about that one, and I took pity on Somers for a week a few years ago, and that got boring pretty quickly. But now that Travis and I have proven what two individuals can do when they are the greatest in the history of the industry, we’ve decided that now it is time to show you what a cooperative team can do when it is the greatest in the history. Our track record is proven and beyond reproach, and the result next Monday is a simple inevitability.
Coppi: The current champions defeated Sex and Violence to win the titles, no small feat given what Killian and Vain have also accomplished as individuals.
Hastings: They’ve accomplished being a poor man’s version of Blessed Immortality. The Arbiter of Violence? The Vain One? It comes off as the Lord of Pain and the Blessed One, version two point rip-off. That our upcoming opponents beat them is of no concern. They’re about to face the real deal.
Coppi: Those opponents being the Glorious Bastards, Dave Rydell and the Mainstreamer. There was much ado last Synergy about your new “Free Rydell” movement, can you shed some light on that for us?
Hastings: It’s a simple matter. We hear all of this noise, all this pomp and circumstance about this Dave Rydell character, but every time we are told to expect him, all we get is Red Fusion. The same Red Fusion I beat at No Holds Barred five years ago. The same Fusion I beat in LWF seven years ago. So the “Free Rydell” movement is all about the desire of the masses to actually see this promise fulfilled.
Coppi: I understand you have merchandise as well?
Hastings: Yes.
Donovan opens his cloak to reveal his “Free Rydell” shirt.
Hastings: And we’ll be bringing the movement to Japan this week.
Coppi: The T-shirts too?
Hastings: Yes, but I’ve had Owen make up special “Ree Ry-Rel” shirts to localize the experience.
Coppi: You think that’s the best way to appeal to the Japanese audience?
Hastings: Well I also plan on picking up one of those Rosetta stone books in the airport, so I’m sure I’ll have the rest of the language barrier obliterated by then.
Coppi: I think those only come in audio.
Hastings: Perfect, I can take a nap then.
Coppi: You’re going to take a nap and learn Japanese?
Hastings: It’s called osmemoris.
Coppi: In any case, you’ll also be facing Martin Graber, the Mainstreamer, who has been making headlines of his own over the past month.
Hastings: I’ve been far too busy organizing the movement to be concerned with such things. Listen, he calls himself the Mainstreamer, but he’s been anything but that, hasn’t he? From what I understand that Travis has told me, he “made his name” in bingo halls, or something like that. The irony is that his success has been anything but mainstream. He’s still struggling to make his name, which leaves hope he thinks of a better one than something that sounds like the primary way to relieve yourself.
Coppi: The special “Kobayashi Maru” stipulation on this match says that the winners can’t compete for singles titles for sixty days. Is that a disincentive?
Hastings: It’s irrelevant. Our destiny is calling us to the Cooperative Championship and once that is complete, the focus will be in defending those same titles. Travis Roberts is on a path back to the World Heavyweight Championship, make no mistake about that, but as inevitable as that outcome is, it is for later. We’re doing this right now, and it’s going to last a lot longer than sixty days.
Coppi: Lord Hastings, thank you for your time.
Hastings: The pleasure was yours.
Fade out.
Coppi: Welcome to the return edition of Making Coppi’s! I’m very excited to be back, just a few days ahead of Kobayashi Maru, the night of the no-win scenario, and pleased to be joined by my guest at this time, the Lord of Pain, Donovan Hastings.
The camera pulls back to reveal Donovan as well.
Coppi: Lord Hastings, thank you for joining me.
Hastings: The pleasure is yours.
Coppi: Big match coming up for you, as you and Travis Roberts will challenge for the Cooperative Championship together for the first time in your careers. What is the significance of this for you?
Hastings: I think the obvious significance is that the only reason anybody else has ever held those titles is because we never bothered to challenge for them together before. We’ve both proven we can carry a team to a championship. Travis had that whole bizarre Blessed Beards thing going back in the day, we’re all “don’t ask, don’t tell” about that one, and I took pity on Somers for a week a few years ago, and that got boring pretty quickly. But now that Travis and I have proven what two individuals can do when they are the greatest in the history of the industry, we’ve decided that now it is time to show you what a cooperative team can do when it is the greatest in the history. Our track record is proven and beyond reproach, and the result next Monday is a simple inevitability.
Coppi: The current champions defeated Sex and Violence to win the titles, no small feat given what Killian and Vain have also accomplished as individuals.
Hastings: They’ve accomplished being a poor man’s version of Blessed Immortality. The Arbiter of Violence? The Vain One? It comes off as the Lord of Pain and the Blessed One, version two point rip-off. That our upcoming opponents beat them is of no concern. They’re about to face the real deal.
Coppi: Those opponents being the Glorious Bastards, Dave Rydell and the Mainstreamer. There was much ado last Synergy about your new “Free Rydell” movement, can you shed some light on that for us?
Hastings: It’s a simple matter. We hear all of this noise, all this pomp and circumstance about this Dave Rydell character, but every time we are told to expect him, all we get is Red Fusion. The same Red Fusion I beat at No Holds Barred five years ago. The same Fusion I beat in LWF seven years ago. So the “Free Rydell” movement is all about the desire of the masses to actually see this promise fulfilled.
Coppi: I understand you have merchandise as well?
Hastings: Yes.
Donovan opens his cloak to reveal his “Free Rydell” shirt.
Hastings: And we’ll be bringing the movement to Japan this week.
Coppi: The T-shirts too?
Hastings: Yes, but I’ve had Owen make up special “Ree Ry-Rel” shirts to localize the experience.
Coppi: You think that’s the best way to appeal to the Japanese audience?
Hastings: Well I also plan on picking up one of those Rosetta stone books in the airport, so I’m sure I’ll have the rest of the language barrier obliterated by then.
Coppi: I think those only come in audio.
Hastings: Perfect, I can take a nap then.
Coppi: You’re going to take a nap and learn Japanese?
Hastings: It’s called osmemoris.
Coppi: In any case, you’ll also be facing Martin Graber, the Mainstreamer, who has been making headlines of his own over the past month.
Hastings: I’ve been far too busy organizing the movement to be concerned with such things. Listen, he calls himself the Mainstreamer, but he’s been anything but that, hasn’t he? From what I understand that Travis has told me, he “made his name” in bingo halls, or something like that. The irony is that his success has been anything but mainstream. He’s still struggling to make his name, which leaves hope he thinks of a better one than something that sounds like the primary way to relieve yourself.
Coppi: The special “Kobayashi Maru” stipulation on this match says that the winners can’t compete for singles titles for sixty days. Is that a disincentive?
Hastings: It’s irrelevant. Our destiny is calling us to the Cooperative Championship and once that is complete, the focus will be in defending those same titles. Travis Roberts is on a path back to the World Heavyweight Championship, make no mistake about that, but as inevitable as that outcome is, it is for later. We’re doing this right now, and it’s going to last a lot longer than sixty days.
Coppi: Lord Hastings, thank you for your time.
Hastings: The pleasure was yours.
Fade out.
2013, '18, '23 
2013 
