Post by Holden Orson on Jan 9, 2016 23:56:04 GMT -5
Announcer: You're listening to 100.7, Cool Jives and Classic music. Tonight we introduce a special series with Professional Wrestler Holden Orson. Holden is joined by his manager, from the show Family Matters, Waldo Gerlado Faldo.
A light music transitions to Holden's radio show.
Holden Orson: Hello out there! It's the top of the hour and my name is Holden Orson. You're listening to “Swimming Against the Mainstream.” Also joining me is my long time friend and manager, Waldo Gerlado Faldo.
Waldo: Sup?
Holden Orson: Now, I know most of you had no idea I was coming out with a radio show. It was published on K9YA Telegraph's website, but you've probably never heard of it. But don't worry. This isn't your generic way to cut a promo ala Travis Pierce or Dave Rydell. No way. Radio is the siren's song of our past time. Before we let ourselves get distracted by moving pictures and had things like Dogpile putting the knowledge of the world at our fingertips, families gathered around the radio and entered a world if imagination. Families would explore the world with their imaginations and share that experience. that has been numbed by Mainstream technology. Now we all gather and play shitty games on our phones without looking at each other. So please, dust off the old radio, close your eyes and join me.
Waldo: My car has a radio.
Holden Orson: Okay, if its a car radio, don't close your eyes. But think about it Waldo, welcome to 2016. We've surrendered to Social Media and faux Hoverboards. Even my beloved industry is filled with faux champions and useless relics.
Waldo: Whatchu talking about, Holden?
Holden Orson: Waldo... that's Gary Coleman. Wrong persona.
Waldo: Gary Coleman is in UGWC?
Holden Orson: What? No. Christ. I'm talking about most of the roster.
Waldo: Oh.
Holden Orson: Look at this card for our first show in 2016. Colton Cutter and Gabriel Baal? Who's making the card? Is the Ham Sandwich the new Creative Director?
Waldo: It seems like they wanna give both of the new guys an immediate shot to make an impact.
Holden Orson: Scoff. It's about as imaginative as Dredd, Gian, and Pierce. Pierce is such a tool. He basically just uses a television show to talk about the current state of UGWC.
Waldo: Isn't that kind of what...
Holden Orson: And then Alan “Vain Ego Money Making Sexual Innuendo” Wallace follows up the most dominating year in UGWC history with a midcard match against someone that I've not even heard of.
Waldo: That's Jace, he's actually been in-
Holden Orson: Then, finally, I decent match. We get the perfect example of the UGWC poser I'm talking about. Dirge and Killian King. Two men who had collectively 6 matches in 2015.
Waldo: I'm pretty sure that's an exaggeration.
Holden Orson: Obviously it is. Dirge literally crawled out of a gutter to stumble onto a Cross Hemisphere Championship reign last year. Not ranked up there with Jet Somer's Chaos title reign as the most forgettable title reign of the year last year. He's crawled out of the gutter once again and he's been appropriate paired up with the biggest bottom feeder UGWC in the current Cross Hemisphere champion.
Waldo: He held every title in 2016.
Holden Orson: But he didn't defend anything, Waldo. The man shows up about once a month and lets circumstance dictate a title shot of one way or another. Now he's been paired with the Hobo against myself and Fear. It's rather obvious what's being figured out here. Killian doesn't have the heart to maintain the championship, so creative is trying to figure out who's going to take over after this pointless reign.
Waldo: It doesn't take rocket appliances that they're testing the waters to see who's the next contender for the Cross Hemisphere title.
Holden Orson: Right..what?
Waldo: Fear is always in the mix for any title. You're the most interesting person in the entire industry. Dirge most likely has some sort of return clause that's at least making him be considered for another title shot. It doesn't take rocket appliances to see what creative is doing here.
Holden Orson: Rocket appliances?
Waldo: Yeah, it's just not that difficult.
Holden Orson: Right... we'll be right back.
*commercial*
*/commercial*
Holden Orson: We're back. Now, we could talk about the Main Event this week of Hastings, Somers, and Roberts, but reliving 2012 isn't quite vintage enough for me.
Waldo: Roberts just main-evented Horizons.
Holden Orson: I'd like to instead speak more about Killian King. Killian, I'm talking to you directly. I think you're a piece of trash. Now, I don't mean like Dirge who is a literal piece of trash, or like Jet Somer's personality which is trash, and I don't mean trash like Phrixis Diemos's career. No Killian, I mean overall. Your a shameless opportunist. The Mainstreamer wasn't good enough to call you out on it. The rest of UGWC was too intemidated by Wallace, Scott, and Morgan to really call you on it. But I'm not.
Waldo: Damn.
Holden Orson: I am currently in shock you're even on the card this week, but I'm calling you out, right now. You won't be the Cross Hemisphere Champion by the end of Infinity. Someone will take that strap off of you King. I think this entire roster has more resilience and heart than you do.
Waldo: Even Donovan Hastings?
Holden Orson: Okay, so maybe not the whole roster. But I've also prepared a little something for you Killian. Since you managed to do what The Mainstreamer always dreamed of and rode Vain's package all this time, I've prepared a ridiculously long list of nicknames for you to use when you talk about yourself. Now, unlike Wallace's absurd list of nicknames, these nick names are being given to you the way nicknames should. So feel free to use them.
Holden Orson: “UGWC's Cancer.”
Holden Orson: “The OTHER Boss Bitch of the Syndicate.”
Holden Orson: “Mediocrity at it's finest.”
Holden Orson: “The Clit.” Not the Clit Whisperer, “The Clit.”
Holden Orson: “Uninteresting Personified.”
Holden Orson: “The Embodiment of a boring History Lesson.” Wait, that one's for Fear.
Holden Orson: “Impressively Undeserving Champion.”
Holden Orson: “______'s least favorite Wrestler.”
Holden Orson: I could go on all day, but my time is coming to a close. Fear, I know that you and I are going ot dance around playing some sort of mind game like we always do. I look forward to it. But let's not lose track of the real issue here. Killian King has a title around his waist that he doesn't deserve. In between games, let's expose him. And Dirge, I'll make sure to buy you a cheeseburger or something after Synergy. I'm pretty sure that's all you came out of the gutter for anyway.
Waldo: Can I have a cheeseburger too?
Holden Orson: Sure Waldo. My name is Holden Orson and you've been listening to “Swimming Against the Mainstream.” Have a great night.
A light music transitions to Holden's radio show.
Holden Orson: Hello out there! It's the top of the hour and my name is Holden Orson. You're listening to “Swimming Against the Mainstream.” Also joining me is my long time friend and manager, Waldo Gerlado Faldo.
Waldo: Sup?
Holden Orson: Now, I know most of you had no idea I was coming out with a radio show. It was published on K9YA Telegraph's website, but you've probably never heard of it. But don't worry. This isn't your generic way to cut a promo ala Travis Pierce or Dave Rydell. No way. Radio is the siren's song of our past time. Before we let ourselves get distracted by moving pictures and had things like Dogpile putting the knowledge of the world at our fingertips, families gathered around the radio and entered a world if imagination. Families would explore the world with their imaginations and share that experience. that has been numbed by Mainstream technology. Now we all gather and play shitty games on our phones without looking at each other. So please, dust off the old radio, close your eyes and join me.
Waldo: My car has a radio.
Holden Orson: Okay, if its a car radio, don't close your eyes. But think about it Waldo, welcome to 2016. We've surrendered to Social Media and faux Hoverboards. Even my beloved industry is filled with faux champions and useless relics.
Waldo: Whatchu talking about, Holden?
Holden Orson: Waldo... that's Gary Coleman. Wrong persona.
Waldo: Gary Coleman is in UGWC?
Holden Orson: What? No. Christ. I'm talking about most of the roster.
Waldo: Oh.
Holden Orson: Look at this card for our first show in 2016. Colton Cutter and Gabriel Baal? Who's making the card? Is the Ham Sandwich the new Creative Director?
Waldo: It seems like they wanna give both of the new guys an immediate shot to make an impact.
Holden Orson: Scoff. It's about as imaginative as Dredd, Gian, and Pierce. Pierce is such a tool. He basically just uses a television show to talk about the current state of UGWC.
Waldo: Isn't that kind of what...
Holden Orson: And then Alan “Vain Ego Money Making Sexual Innuendo” Wallace follows up the most dominating year in UGWC history with a midcard match against someone that I've not even heard of.
Waldo: That's Jace, he's actually been in-
Holden Orson: Then, finally, I decent match. We get the perfect example of the UGWC poser I'm talking about. Dirge and Killian King. Two men who had collectively 6 matches in 2015.
Waldo: I'm pretty sure that's an exaggeration.
Holden Orson: Obviously it is. Dirge literally crawled out of a gutter to stumble onto a Cross Hemisphere Championship reign last year. Not ranked up there with Jet Somer's Chaos title reign as the most forgettable title reign of the year last year. He's crawled out of the gutter once again and he's been appropriate paired up with the biggest bottom feeder UGWC in the current Cross Hemisphere champion.
Waldo: He held every title in 2016.
Holden Orson: But he didn't defend anything, Waldo. The man shows up about once a month and lets circumstance dictate a title shot of one way or another. Now he's been paired with the Hobo against myself and Fear. It's rather obvious what's being figured out here. Killian doesn't have the heart to maintain the championship, so creative is trying to figure out who's going to take over after this pointless reign.
Waldo: It doesn't take rocket appliances that they're testing the waters to see who's the next contender for the Cross Hemisphere title.
Holden Orson: Right..what?
Waldo: Fear is always in the mix for any title. You're the most interesting person in the entire industry. Dirge most likely has some sort of return clause that's at least making him be considered for another title shot. It doesn't take rocket appliances to see what creative is doing here.
Holden Orson: Rocket appliances?
Waldo: Yeah, it's just not that difficult.
Holden Orson: Right... we'll be right back.
*commercial*
*/commercial*
Holden Orson: We're back. Now, we could talk about the Main Event this week of Hastings, Somers, and Roberts, but reliving 2012 isn't quite vintage enough for me.
Waldo: Roberts just main-evented Horizons.
Holden Orson: I'd like to instead speak more about Killian King. Killian, I'm talking to you directly. I think you're a piece of trash. Now, I don't mean like Dirge who is a literal piece of trash, or like Jet Somer's personality which is trash, and I don't mean trash like Phrixis Diemos's career. No Killian, I mean overall. Your a shameless opportunist. The Mainstreamer wasn't good enough to call you out on it. The rest of UGWC was too intemidated by Wallace, Scott, and Morgan to really call you on it. But I'm not.
Waldo: Damn.
Holden Orson: I am currently in shock you're even on the card this week, but I'm calling you out, right now. You won't be the Cross Hemisphere Champion by the end of Infinity. Someone will take that strap off of you King. I think this entire roster has more resilience and heart than you do.
Waldo: Even Donovan Hastings?
Holden Orson: Okay, so maybe not the whole roster. But I've also prepared a little something for you Killian. Since you managed to do what The Mainstreamer always dreamed of and rode Vain's package all this time, I've prepared a ridiculously long list of nicknames for you to use when you talk about yourself. Now, unlike Wallace's absurd list of nicknames, these nick names are being given to you the way nicknames should. So feel free to use them.
Holden Orson: “UGWC's Cancer.”
Holden Orson: “The OTHER Boss Bitch of the Syndicate.”
Holden Orson: “Mediocrity at it's finest.”
Holden Orson: “The Clit.” Not the Clit Whisperer, “The Clit.”
Holden Orson: “Uninteresting Personified.”
Holden Orson: “The Embodiment of a boring History Lesson.” Wait, that one's for Fear.
Holden Orson: “Impressively Undeserving Champion.”
Holden Orson: “______'s least favorite Wrestler.”
Holden Orson: I could go on all day, but my time is coming to a close. Fear, I know that you and I are going ot dance around playing some sort of mind game like we always do. I look forward to it. But let's not lose track of the real issue here. Killian King has a title around his waist that he doesn't deserve. In between games, let's expose him. And Dirge, I'll make sure to buy you a cheeseburger or something after Synergy. I'm pretty sure that's all you came out of the gutter for anyway.
Waldo: Can I have a cheeseburger too?
Holden Orson: Sure Waldo. My name is Holden Orson and you've been listening to “Swimming Against the Mainstream.” Have a great night.
