Post by Lord Hastings on Oct 15, 2009 20:00:14 GMT -5
Lights, glaring brightly upon a sofa sitting opposite a desk and chair, a warm up comedian finishes his routine, a light flashes on and the studio audience instantly begin to whoop and holler like caged animals, as a bright neon sign illuminates on the stage behind the seating apparatus.
From underneath the sign our apparent host comes bounding out from backstage, dressed in some hideous purple suit and grinning like a buffoon. He turns to the House Band he’s probably only just heard over the incessant screaming of his own ego and gives them a round of applause. Before turning to his audience.
Vines: Good evening to you! Not just any evening, but THIS Evening!
The crowd are prompted by flashing lights to once again ‘applaud’ which they do, enthusiastically.
Vines: Thank you all for joining us for our first ever show, and what a show we have for you, and I’m not going to bore you with some pre scripted monologue with witty references to the weeks news...
You can sense half the audience let out a sign of relief...or was that just me?
Vines: No Instead we’re going to get our first guests straight on...
Dexter leaps like a toddler back towards the curtained entrance to greet his first guests, god help them]
Vines: My first guests are two of the longest serving competitors in Global Impact Wrestling, they have battle through barbed wire, ambushes and burly men in lycra...
On cue the audience let out an unconvincing laugh.
Vines: Their differences put aside by recent occurences, they will be teaming up this weekend at the Distant Whispers Pay-Per-View event, at the Key Arena in Seattle, Washington. Let's give a warm welcome to that Travis guy and the Immortal Lord-Chief Nigga of Pain, Donovan Hastings! Let’s get them out here, pull my finger!
Travis and Donovan walk out onto the set. Donovan raises his arms to the crowd as Travis walks over and shakes Dexter's hand. Travis takes a seat on the couch closet to Dexter's seat. Donovan walks over and Dexter extends his hand, but Donovan just grabs his finger and yanks on it.
Vines: Ow!
Donovan smiles and waves to someone in the front row before sitting on the couch on the other side of Travis from Dexter, who returns to his seat, rubbing his finger.
Vines: You truly are the Lord of Pain!
Hastings: They call me the Lord of Pain for a reason, you know.
Vines: Well, let's start right at the beginning. Travis, you’ll be losing the Unified Global Championship against Donovan at Horizons, but this Sunday we'll see you team together. Are you okay with teaming with the guy that will be taking your title?
Travis smiles and leans back in the seat, smirking and lets out a chuckle.
Travis: Whilst ‘The Flatliner’ likes donuts, we differ on many levels, it has become apparent recently that we can at least agree on how one should go about things in civilized society. Lord Hastings knows he'll beat me at Horizons, he's being nice not to rub it in my face. He knows, ‘The Eyeliner’ will want to look like a star for the few minutes he is able to stand. Whilst we may have our differences, Travis Roberts and Donovan Hastings both agree that we can’t let a Suit and a Mask get in the way of a legendary event.
Vines: I for one am really looking forward to that match. Now Donovan-
Hastings: Lord.
Vines: Pardon?
Hastings: I'll be giving the pardons, thank you.
Dexter looks around off-camera with a confused look on his face, and flips through his notecards.
Vines: Erm...
Hastings: C'mon, peasant, Blessed Immortality doesn't have forever.
Vines: Right...do you think this match has stemmed from your Battleground victory, in which you defeated Raenius to get the win?
Hastings: Battleground was a crowning achievement. It's funny, though, that was such an epic night, immortalized forever, it really goes to show you just how much one match can carry a show. Not that I would soil my hands with such filth, but I hear the dirt sheets are already proclaiming it the show of the year.
Vines: Travis, do you hold Donovan responsible at all for your inability to beat Resident Evil?
Hastings: I preferred Silent Hill.
Travis and Dexter exchange a look over Donovan’s shoulder, who looks none the wiser to their confusion. Travis tries to recover and begins answering the question.
Travis: ‘’The Blessed Two’ understands that at face value, especially now, that could seem to be the case upon closer inspection, but a superior mind such as ‘The Deadliners’ can’t drop a deuce otherwise. The true problems with Raenius stem from his realization that he has been here for over a year, and he has achieved little in comparison to the likes of ‘The Head Recliner’, or even donuts with ham for strings. By the way, when I was a kid I watched M.A.S.K.!
Vines: Now guys, I gotta be frank here, we just don’t see people on the street, and in Days of Our Lives, who were in GIW. I watched your show once, and I think when I saw Dylan James I farted. C’mon guys, what’s the deelio?
Hastings: Didn't you say your name was Dexter?
Vines: What?
Hastings: Oy, you said your name was Dexter.
Vines: It is...
Hastings: No, you just said it was Frank.
Vines: No, no I didn't.
Hastings: You did! You did! How are we as rational human beings to be expected to have a reasonable conversation with a nimrod who can't even be straight with us about his own bloody name? Can you believe this, T-Robbie?
Travis: Dexter, it’s true that the mentally unstable are compelled and drawn to Global Impact Wrestling, ‘The Head Giver’ puts part of that down to the LA location, where he once got attacked with a cattle prod, but it turned out to really be a doorstop meant to keep the doors open. In truth Dexter, the company was fighting a losing battle, one of which will not be fought next month by Lord Hastings, who has proven sometimes you’ll find pennies in the dirt.
Hastings: Are cattle prods legal in our match? That's what I always thought was missing in Resident Evil. Those zombies just needed a good ZAP with a cattle prod. ZAP, down one goes. ZAP, there goes another. Good stuff. By the way, Frank, can you send one of your flunkies out for a DD run? I think the T to the Rob here was complaining about being hungry before, and let me tell you, he gets cranky when he's hungry, and you know what happens next. ZAP!
Travis stares at Donovan in a mixture on confusion and shock, removes his glasses and raises his eyebrows in the direction of the rolling video cameras.
Travis: What in the name of TWiSTeD, was that dude?
Hastings: It’s what the cool kids are doing.
Dexter laughs dramatically and waves his hands to gain his guests attention, the signs of a man rapidly losing control.
Vines: Guys, Guys...Let’s get back on topic shall we. What I wanted to know from you...
Dexter leans forward, and motions Travis and Donovan closer to him, as if that will elude the microphones and cameras and offer them privacy.
Vines: Between the three of us, it’s all an act, right? I mean you don’t really think you're blessed do you Travis? And surely you don’t think that you’re a Lord?
Travis' jaw drops open, and he is for a change rendered speechless, allowing Lord Donovan Hastings the chance to speak.
Hastings: You're absolutely right. I don't think I'm a Lord. Travis doesn't think he is blessed. We know. I have left my enemies fallen at my feet. Travis has headlined events around the world. To say we think is to imply doubt, where there is none.
‘The Blessed One’ turns his head slowly towards Hastings, his mouth closing but his eyes widening, as he listens to what Hastings has to say. And then also replies…
Travis: ‘The Dressed One’ couldn’t have put it better himself...
Travis goes to lean back, but then can’t help but add more to the sentence.
Travis: Obviously Travis Roberts could have put it better, but the sentiment would remain the same.
Travis sits back and both GIW superstars give Dexter Vines a long cold stare, they no longer look to pleased about appearing on his first ever show. Ever the fool, Dexter enters the foray once more, attempting to lighten the tone. He laughs, looks at Travis and motions towards him as he speaks, as if joking about with a buddy.
Vines: Hahaha, So what’s with ‘Donut’?
He even does the little speech mark symbols with his fingers either side of his head.
Vines: Is that, like, a pet name for the Lord?
Travis looks around in confusion...
Travis: How in the name of TWiSTeD do you expect me to know that? Does ‘The Headliner’ look like his mother?
Hastings: I hate cats. I'm not a big fan of dogs either. When I was a kid we had a goldfish.
Travis turns and looks at the Lord in confusion, Hastings merely shrugs his shoulders and replies:
Hastings: It died. Bitches don't like salt. Who knew?
Vines: Speaking of which, how is Owen Peterson?
Hastings: He's a Niglet, not a bitch. You'd do well to remember that. Owen is recovering, as best he can. He's not going to be at Distant Whispers, but by Grabthar's hammer...by the Sons of Warvan...he shall be...avenged!
Vines: Well, we all wish him a speedy recovery. Lord Hastings, there seems to be some trouble as of late in your camp, with Owen Peterson and Calypso Desmona seemingly not on the same page. Is the ship still steadily afloat?
Hastings: Dammit, Frank, I'm a Lord, not a bloody captain. As for the Mistress and the Niglet, everything is going to be fine. Owen doesn't want me to forget the past. I haven't, I'm just not worried about it. Cal resents that Owen was there when she wasn't. She'll get over it. All that matters now is our unified focus, our unified goal, and the inevitability of it is something we'll get to in due time.
Vines: Now Travis, I have to ask, but I'm going to be really word in my question, something i'm sure you can appreciate. You like to talk a lot, how about setting a record here this evening?
Travis: 'Donkey Kong’ would think it was staggeringly obvious why he is so unwilling to speak about these things, as I am an angry Orang-utan and that is something to aspire to. As he likes Red Bull, Travis Roberts prides himself on his good judgement, but there has been one, monumentally, bad decision in ‘The Burned Out Ones’ life, and that was marijuana. Blah blah blah, blah blah blah in the bedroom...those kids would make Dirge look like an oil painting...
Donovan stops playing with the threads on his cloak when Travis finally stops speaking, and inserts his own thoughts.
Hastings: When I was a kid we did a science experiment with oil once. We tested the effect of gasoline, on fire.
Vines: HaHaHaHaHa...you guys are just too much. It just goes to show why Global Impact Wrestling is going places...you two crack me up...
Travis just stands up abruptly, and towers over Dexter.
Travis: Listen to Jack Herer, ‘Los Linea de la Cabeza’ has had enough of this...this...joke of a show. Did you really think you could pull this off? A Champion of ‘El Blessedo Unos’ caliber, and one of GIW’s top stars in Donovan Hastings, on a show like this. You rode your luck for long enough, but laughing in the face of what we do, week in, week out? Who in the name of Holland’s Hope do you think you are? ‘The Northern Lights Commander’ is sick and tired of listening to glorified ‘experts’ and other athletes implying that the thing that Travis Roberts excels at is less of a sport, just because we aim to entertain at the same time? Don’t get us confused with the guys at Titan Towers Dex, ‘The Blessed One’ isn’t just going to walk off set, stop smoking the pre-rolleds, drop the third person, and settle down with his off screen wife, this is Travis Roberts. And that...
Travis motions to Donovan who has risen to his side.
Travis: Despite the eccentricity, and questionable accomplices, is Donovan Hastings. When ‘The Lord’ steps out of the ring and goes to get stitched up, he doesn’t suddenly become aware of what’s going on around him.
Donovan shakes his head to signify that indeed, he does not.
Travis: Hell even Raenius and Dirge, as utterly unfathomable as it may be, Raenius really is a bipolar lunatic with horrific tendencies, and Dirge honest to TWiSTeD is a megalomaniacal bastard. On Sunday night you will see four real men, not four cartoon characters step inside a four sided ring, and fight, with style, grace, and strategy, for your pleasure. If that’s not reality, ‘The Headliner’ doesn’t want any part of it...
Hastings: But let me remind you what is reality. Reality is that in just a few days at Distant Whispers, Raenius and Dirge are going to find themselves in the ring with Blessed Immortality. It's not just reality, it's destiny. There's no more sneak attacks, no more manipulations, no distractions. It's not about Glenn Burke versus Owen Peterson. It's not about the masks that some of us hide behind. For a few brief moments, it's not even about the Undisputed Global Championship. It's about me and Travis reminding the rest of you once again why there is nothing for you to do but to fall in line and bow before us. It is simply...
Both Travis and Donovan instinctively turn together towards the same camera, Donovan looks directly down the lens as Travis looks over the rim of his glasses.
Blessed Immortality: Inevitable.
Both men look at each other, slightly surprised, and then without a further word storm off the set, just before they go through the curtains, the microphones catch Travis speaking to Donovan.
Travis: Man that show was not Zap, y’know?
Donovan gives Travis a puzzled look as Blessed Immortality disappears off screen, leaving a dazed Dexter Vines to look over at his floor manager, neither man has any idea what to do, so they once again flick on the ‘Applaud’ light, and the scene fades out to the sound of rabid applause, and the sight of Dexter Vines not knowing whether to laugh or cry.
THIS EVENING
with Dexter Vines
[/b][/size][/center][/color]with Dexter Vines
From underneath the sign our apparent host comes bounding out from backstage, dressed in some hideous purple suit and grinning like a buffoon. He turns to the House Band he’s probably only just heard over the incessant screaming of his own ego and gives them a round of applause. Before turning to his audience.
Vines: Good evening to you! Not just any evening, but THIS Evening!
The crowd are prompted by flashing lights to once again ‘applaud’ which they do, enthusiastically.
Vines: Thank you all for joining us for our first ever show, and what a show we have for you, and I’m not going to bore you with some pre scripted monologue with witty references to the weeks news...
You can sense half the audience let out a sign of relief...or was that just me?
Vines: No Instead we’re going to get our first guests straight on...
Dexter leaps like a toddler back towards the curtained entrance to greet his first guests, god help them]
Vines: My first guests are two of the longest serving competitors in Global Impact Wrestling, they have battle through barbed wire, ambushes and burly men in lycra...
On cue the audience let out an unconvincing laugh.
Vines: Their differences put aside by recent occurences, they will be teaming up this weekend at the Distant Whispers Pay-Per-View event, at the Key Arena in Seattle, Washington. Let's give a warm welcome to that Travis guy and the Immortal Lord-Chief Nigga of Pain, Donovan Hastings! Let’s get them out here, pull my finger!
Travis and Donovan walk out onto the set. Donovan raises his arms to the crowd as Travis walks over and shakes Dexter's hand. Travis takes a seat on the couch closet to Dexter's seat. Donovan walks over and Dexter extends his hand, but Donovan just grabs his finger and yanks on it.
Vines: Ow!
Donovan smiles and waves to someone in the front row before sitting on the couch on the other side of Travis from Dexter, who returns to his seat, rubbing his finger.
Vines: You truly are the Lord of Pain!
Hastings: They call me the Lord of Pain for a reason, you know.
Vines: Well, let's start right at the beginning. Travis, you’ll be losing the Unified Global Championship against Donovan at Horizons, but this Sunday we'll see you team together. Are you okay with teaming with the guy that will be taking your title?
Travis smiles and leans back in the seat, smirking and lets out a chuckle.
Travis: Whilst ‘The Flatliner’ likes donuts, we differ on many levels, it has become apparent recently that we can at least agree on how one should go about things in civilized society. Lord Hastings knows he'll beat me at Horizons, he's being nice not to rub it in my face. He knows, ‘The Eyeliner’ will want to look like a star for the few minutes he is able to stand. Whilst we may have our differences, Travis Roberts and Donovan Hastings both agree that we can’t let a Suit and a Mask get in the way of a legendary event.
Vines: I for one am really looking forward to that match. Now Donovan-
Hastings: Lord.
Vines: Pardon?
Hastings: I'll be giving the pardons, thank you.
Dexter looks around off-camera with a confused look on his face, and flips through his notecards.
Vines: Erm...
Hastings: C'mon, peasant, Blessed Immortality doesn't have forever.
Vines: Right...do you think this match has stemmed from your Battleground victory, in which you defeated Raenius to get the win?
Hastings: Battleground was a crowning achievement. It's funny, though, that was such an epic night, immortalized forever, it really goes to show you just how much one match can carry a show. Not that I would soil my hands with such filth, but I hear the dirt sheets are already proclaiming it the show of the year.
Vines: Travis, do you hold Donovan responsible at all for your inability to beat Resident Evil?
Hastings: I preferred Silent Hill.
Travis and Dexter exchange a look over Donovan’s shoulder, who looks none the wiser to their confusion. Travis tries to recover and begins answering the question.
Travis: ‘’The Blessed Two’ understands that at face value, especially now, that could seem to be the case upon closer inspection, but a superior mind such as ‘The Deadliners’ can’t drop a deuce otherwise. The true problems with Raenius stem from his realization that he has been here for over a year, and he has achieved little in comparison to the likes of ‘The Head Recliner’, or even donuts with ham for strings. By the way, when I was a kid I watched M.A.S.K.!
Vines: Now guys, I gotta be frank here, we just don’t see people on the street, and in Days of Our Lives, who were in GIW. I watched your show once, and I think when I saw Dylan James I farted. C’mon guys, what’s the deelio?
Hastings: Didn't you say your name was Dexter?
Vines: What?
Hastings: Oy, you said your name was Dexter.
Vines: It is...
Hastings: No, you just said it was Frank.
Vines: No, no I didn't.
Hastings: You did! You did! How are we as rational human beings to be expected to have a reasonable conversation with a nimrod who can't even be straight with us about his own bloody name? Can you believe this, T-Robbie?
Travis: Dexter, it’s true that the mentally unstable are compelled and drawn to Global Impact Wrestling, ‘The Head Giver’ puts part of that down to the LA location, where he once got attacked with a cattle prod, but it turned out to really be a doorstop meant to keep the doors open. In truth Dexter, the company was fighting a losing battle, one of which will not be fought next month by Lord Hastings, who has proven sometimes you’ll find pennies in the dirt.
Hastings: Are cattle prods legal in our match? That's what I always thought was missing in Resident Evil. Those zombies just needed a good ZAP with a cattle prod. ZAP, down one goes. ZAP, there goes another. Good stuff. By the way, Frank, can you send one of your flunkies out for a DD run? I think the T to the Rob here was complaining about being hungry before, and let me tell you, he gets cranky when he's hungry, and you know what happens next. ZAP!
Travis stares at Donovan in a mixture on confusion and shock, removes his glasses and raises his eyebrows in the direction of the rolling video cameras.
Travis: What in the name of TWiSTeD, was that dude?
Hastings: It’s what the cool kids are doing.
Dexter laughs dramatically and waves his hands to gain his guests attention, the signs of a man rapidly losing control.
Vines: Guys, Guys...Let’s get back on topic shall we. What I wanted to know from you...
Dexter leans forward, and motions Travis and Donovan closer to him, as if that will elude the microphones and cameras and offer them privacy.
Vines: Between the three of us, it’s all an act, right? I mean you don’t really think you're blessed do you Travis? And surely you don’t think that you’re a Lord?
Travis' jaw drops open, and he is for a change rendered speechless, allowing Lord Donovan Hastings the chance to speak.
Hastings: You're absolutely right. I don't think I'm a Lord. Travis doesn't think he is blessed. We know. I have left my enemies fallen at my feet. Travis has headlined events around the world. To say we think is to imply doubt, where there is none.
‘The Blessed One’ turns his head slowly towards Hastings, his mouth closing but his eyes widening, as he listens to what Hastings has to say. And then also replies…
Travis: ‘The Dressed One’ couldn’t have put it better himself...
Travis goes to lean back, but then can’t help but add more to the sentence.
Travis: Obviously Travis Roberts could have put it better, but the sentiment would remain the same.
Travis sits back and both GIW superstars give Dexter Vines a long cold stare, they no longer look to pleased about appearing on his first ever show. Ever the fool, Dexter enters the foray once more, attempting to lighten the tone. He laughs, looks at Travis and motions towards him as he speaks, as if joking about with a buddy.
Vines: Hahaha, So what’s with ‘Donut’?
He even does the little speech mark symbols with his fingers either side of his head.
Vines: Is that, like, a pet name for the Lord?
Travis looks around in confusion...
Travis: How in the name of TWiSTeD do you expect me to know that? Does ‘The Headliner’ look like his mother?
Hastings: I hate cats. I'm not a big fan of dogs either. When I was a kid we had a goldfish.
Travis turns and looks at the Lord in confusion, Hastings merely shrugs his shoulders and replies:
Hastings: It died. Bitches don't like salt. Who knew?
Vines: Speaking of which, how is Owen Peterson?
Hastings: He's a Niglet, not a bitch. You'd do well to remember that. Owen is recovering, as best he can. He's not going to be at Distant Whispers, but by Grabthar's hammer...by the Sons of Warvan...he shall be...avenged!
Vines: Well, we all wish him a speedy recovery. Lord Hastings, there seems to be some trouble as of late in your camp, with Owen Peterson and Calypso Desmona seemingly not on the same page. Is the ship still steadily afloat?
Hastings: Dammit, Frank, I'm a Lord, not a bloody captain. As for the Mistress and the Niglet, everything is going to be fine. Owen doesn't want me to forget the past. I haven't, I'm just not worried about it. Cal resents that Owen was there when she wasn't. She'll get over it. All that matters now is our unified focus, our unified goal, and the inevitability of it is something we'll get to in due time.
Vines: Now Travis, I have to ask, but I'm going to be really word in my question, something i'm sure you can appreciate. You like to talk a lot, how about setting a record here this evening?
Travis: 'Donkey Kong’ would think it was staggeringly obvious why he is so unwilling to speak about these things, as I am an angry Orang-utan and that is something to aspire to. As he likes Red Bull, Travis Roberts prides himself on his good judgement, but there has been one, monumentally, bad decision in ‘The Burned Out Ones’ life, and that was marijuana. Blah blah blah, blah blah blah in the bedroom...those kids would make Dirge look like an oil painting...
Donovan stops playing with the threads on his cloak when Travis finally stops speaking, and inserts his own thoughts.
Hastings: When I was a kid we did a science experiment with oil once. We tested the effect of gasoline, on fire.
Vines: HaHaHaHaHa...you guys are just too much. It just goes to show why Global Impact Wrestling is going places...you two crack me up...
Travis just stands up abruptly, and towers over Dexter.
Travis: Listen to Jack Herer, ‘Los Linea de la Cabeza’ has had enough of this...this...joke of a show. Did you really think you could pull this off? A Champion of ‘El Blessedo Unos’ caliber, and one of GIW’s top stars in Donovan Hastings, on a show like this. You rode your luck for long enough, but laughing in the face of what we do, week in, week out? Who in the name of Holland’s Hope do you think you are? ‘The Northern Lights Commander’ is sick and tired of listening to glorified ‘experts’ and other athletes implying that the thing that Travis Roberts excels at is less of a sport, just because we aim to entertain at the same time? Don’t get us confused with the guys at Titan Towers Dex, ‘The Blessed One’ isn’t just going to walk off set, stop smoking the pre-rolleds, drop the third person, and settle down with his off screen wife, this is Travis Roberts. And that...
Travis motions to Donovan who has risen to his side.
Travis: Despite the eccentricity, and questionable accomplices, is Donovan Hastings. When ‘The Lord’ steps out of the ring and goes to get stitched up, he doesn’t suddenly become aware of what’s going on around him.
Donovan shakes his head to signify that indeed, he does not.
Travis: Hell even Raenius and Dirge, as utterly unfathomable as it may be, Raenius really is a bipolar lunatic with horrific tendencies, and Dirge honest to TWiSTeD is a megalomaniacal bastard. On Sunday night you will see four real men, not four cartoon characters step inside a four sided ring, and fight, with style, grace, and strategy, for your pleasure. If that’s not reality, ‘The Headliner’ doesn’t want any part of it...
Hastings: But let me remind you what is reality. Reality is that in just a few days at Distant Whispers, Raenius and Dirge are going to find themselves in the ring with Blessed Immortality. It's not just reality, it's destiny. There's no more sneak attacks, no more manipulations, no distractions. It's not about Glenn Burke versus Owen Peterson. It's not about the masks that some of us hide behind. For a few brief moments, it's not even about the Undisputed Global Championship. It's about me and Travis reminding the rest of you once again why there is nothing for you to do but to fall in line and bow before us. It is simply...
Both Travis and Donovan instinctively turn together towards the same camera, Donovan looks directly down the lens as Travis looks over the rim of his glasses.
Blessed Immortality: Inevitable.
Both men look at each other, slightly surprised, and then without a further word storm off the set, just before they go through the curtains, the microphones catch Travis speaking to Donovan.
Travis: Man that show was not Zap, y’know?
Donovan gives Travis a puzzled look as Blessed Immortality disappears off screen, leaving a dazed Dexter Vines to look over at his floor manager, neither man has any idea what to do, so they once again flick on the ‘Applaud’ light, and the scene fades out to the sound of rabid applause, and the sight of Dexter Vines not knowing whether to laugh or cry.
x2
