Post by Holden Orson on Aug 13, 2016 23:55:49 GMT -5
Holden Onto the Truth
We open to a darkened. The silhouette of Holden Orson shows up on the screen as a voice-over of someone that no one really knows or cares about is heard.
Moss Edwards Probably: Ladies and gentlemen... shit I forgot to change my font color. Ladies and gentlemen, he is the host of Holden Onto the Truth and the host of the Drowning in the Mainstream radio show. He told me earlier he's the absolute best entertainment wrestler ever, and now that I said it, it must be true... HOLDEN SHARP!!!!
A song that you won't recognize, look up, or care about plays and the light come on showing obviously Holden Orson wearing a 'Holden Sharp' name tag.
Holden Sharp: Welcome! This is a very special edition of the Holden Onto the Truth. You see, Travis Pierce hasn't been relevant for a long time, and I doubt I'll have a reason to mock him anytime in the near future.
Holden switches to Camera B.
Holden Sharp: But before I mock Pierce, here's some boring pop culture references I'll try to twist into insults about my opponents.
Holden switches to Camera C to make his promo look longer.
Holden Sharp: Kraft just announced releasing a new five-cheese blend. It now comes with Goat Cheese, Stilton Cheese, Casu Marzu, Halloumi, and Vieux Lille. It's all pretty shitty cheese. Speaking of shitty cheese, Mil Vidas, Jr. is a twat.
Moss Edwards Probably: His transitions aren't that bad, Holden.
Holden switches to Camera D. He's got so many more cameras than Pierce.
Holden Sharp: So in other news, Michael Phelps just bested an ancient record for most individual gold medals in an Olympic career. He bested the record of Leonidas of Rhodes, known for running in the nude. When asked what he'd do with his new found success he said the following:
The camera switches to Obviously Ichabod dressed as Michael Phelps.
Ichabod dressed up as Michael Phelps: I'm basically going to live off of this reputation for a while. I'll get fat and stop swimming well, and then I'll just keep showing up at the Olympics to make sure I take someone else's spot. And that's the piercing truth.
Holden Sharp: Also, to make sure I didn't forget Travis Roberts, Fidel Castro is turning 90 this week. The former leader of Cuba stepped down back in 2011, four years later than Travis Roberts should have retired. The nonagenarian said that. much like Travis Roberts, he stopped being effective in his 80s and didn't want to get old and stale.
Holden switches to Camera E.
Holden Sharp: We used to think of how weird it would be when Castro was gone. But her left office 5 years ago and you haven't probably thought about him in all of that time. Take a hint, Beta Travis. And Alpha Travis for that matter.
Holden switches to Camera F. F as in, fuck that's a lot of cameras.
Holden Sharp: So now that my monologue is over, I'm going to play a random youtube video for you while I walk over to my chair.
We return to Holden sitting at a desk. A cup of coffee he probably won't drink sits on the desk itself.
Holden Sharp: It was nice for Fear to make that video for us. Anyhow, next week YOU, the audience, has the chance to pick the Travis Robert's next opponent for the UGWC World Championship.
Holden switches to Camera G.
Holden Sharp: Travis Perice, Holden Orson, and Mil Vidas, Jr. Many people are saying this threesome represents the past, present, and future of UGWC. And by many, I mean Ichabod and I noticed it a little earlier and talked about it. Peirce, the past of UGWC. The second Grand Slam Champion. Orson, the present. The most recent Cross-Hemisphere Champion and most talented man to never wear the World Title. Vidas, the future. He'll probably be in the World title picture many more times in his career, this is probably the first of many.
Holden switches to Camera H.
Holden Sharp: Travis Pierce, is easily the most accomplished within UGWC. Not only is he the only former World Champion in the bunch, but he's also been a grand slam champion, so this position is not new to him. His resume is impressive, and he'll tell you all about it much like the other veterans here will do. He's one half of what's most likely the best tag team in the history of UGWC, and frankly he's the fan favorite. And with this being an election, that makes a big difference.
Holden switches to Camera A. Finally ran out of cameras.
Holden Sharp: Mil Vidas, Jr. is easily the least accomplished man on the ballot. He's just come off a better-than-anyone-expected Chaos Title run. He's done a lot in a short time, and the fans have really taken to him in his short time here. He's been very active in representing UGWC by participating in both the Total J-Cup and OWF's Pool of Blood Tournament. He's the overachieving young buck fans crave to see. They'd love to see him take on Travis Roberts. Another attractive name on the ballot.
Holden switches to Camera B.
Holden Sharp: Then there's Holden Orson. He basically has a gimmick that no one quite gets, or understands. They just kind of go with it. His identity is understandably tied into that of The Mainstreamer. Everyone remembers the saga that The Mainstreamer and Vain had in 2015 that kicked off at this very event. While 2016 has been a resounding success for Holden, the stigma of those three failed opportunities continues to loom over his head. Everyone who was around makes sure to gloat about it. The fans sure as hell haven't forgotten about it. He's been given an opportunity to get a fair shot at the big prize, but it's up to the fans to give it to him. Will the fans respect the unique perspective he's tried to bring the sports entertainment? Are they more hung up on the fossils of the past that they'll flock to Travis Peirce? Do they want change so badly that they'll overlook the one man who's went against the mainstream and vote for Mil Vidas, Jr.? I wouldn't want to be Holden Orson.
Holden continues to stare into Camera B.
Holden Orson: Jesus, you're right Pierce. The truth does hurt. It really doesn't matter that you haven't been a viable contender in years. It really doesn't matter Mil Vidas, Jr. has zero chance of topping Roberts this early on in his career. I'll probably lose this vote.... but I'm the only one on the ballot who can actually beat Travis Roberts.
Holden switches back to Camera A.
Holden Orson: Hey, at least I can win an Outlast Captain position when everyone else votes for those other guys. Without me, you'll have to endure another month of Travis Roberts as your World Champion. And that's the … sharp truth?
Congo Bongo
Holden Vidas, Jr. walks into a very active arcade, wearing his masquerade mask over a generic luchador wrestling mask. He looks around at the vintage cabinets: Pac-Man, Donkey Kong, Galaga... then he spots what he came to the arcade for. Congo Bongo. This game was the favorite of Holden Vidas, Sr. when he played arcade games. Holden is ready to carry on the legacy.
The arcade had recently challenged someone to beat the high score. Holden pulls up a stool and pulls out a sack of quarters, ready to make history.
It's time.
Holden drops in the first quarter. He watches as Bongo the gorilla comes out and kicks a sleeping hunter. Holden Vidas, Jr. always hated bullies; he's ready to exact revenge. He starts the first level, dodging coconuts and avoiding getting too many monkeys on his back. He looks up at the high score ever-present in the middle of the screen. 53,200. His first quarter is over, Holden wasn't even able to get past the first level. Less than 1,000 points. It's going to me an uphill battle from here.
Hours or playing later... He beats that first level, Primate Peak! On to Snake Lake to to dodge scorpions. After that, he takes cover as he dodges the charging beasts at Rhino Ridge. Finally he fights with Congo at Lazy Lagoon where he rides hippos to get his revenge on Congo.
He beats the game, but not the score. After getting his revenge by kicking Congo, the game restarts, harder than before. Holden Vidas, Jr. spends more hours, more quarters reaching for that record.
53,200.
A crowd has gathered around as Holden's personal best start to get higher. They groan after he loses his last life right at 52,000 points. But they don't leave. Holden drops another quarter in.
His magical run begins. He jumps coconuts. He dodges scorpions. He evades rhinos. He kicks Congo in his fat head. Then it happens. The score ticks up to 53,000, and he's on his last life. The game has gotten so difficult, that Holden is hunched over the cabinent and is grunting as he tries to stay alive.
53,100!
Holden narrowly dodges a rhino. His palms are sweaty. He dodges another.
53,200!
The crowd grows silent, as they wait to ensure he actually beats it. One more dodge...
53,300!
The crowd behind him erupts. He manages to get to 54,900 before he finally loses that final life. The former Congo Bongo Champion, one of the arcade regulars, comes and congratulates him. Holden Vidas, Jr. has done it. It's not Donkey Kong. It's not Pac-Man. But it's his first high score. Holden takes his few remaining quarters and leaves, ready for a long night of sleep. He sleeps hard, feeling accomplished. People used to tease him for playing arcade games all the time and not having a high score. But now... they can go look at Congo Bongo. He's the champion, just like his dad was.
The next day, Holden Vidas, Jr. returns to the arcade to admire his score. He sees a young man he's never seen before sitting at the Congo Bongo cabinet.
At first, Holden is happy to see someone going for his record. But Holden spots the man spots him entering in his initials. on the leader board. RML. Then he looks closer. RML has taken over the whole leader-board, and his former high score isn't even there anymore. 122,000! 113,500! This guy blew him out of the water!
What the hell happened? The man entering the scores turns around and nods. Holden Vidas, Jr. walks up to Congo Bongo. This man just crushed his record without nay fan fare. Holden had poured his soul into that high score, and this man just wiped him off the face of the planet.
Holden Vidas, Jr. watched over the next few days as RML top the leader-board on virtually every mid-level arcade game. For his minor achievement, he was asked by the arcade to take on some of the more prominent players on bigger games like Donkey Kong and Galaga.
But he couldn't help to think...
Maybe RML was the one who deserved his spot.
bRaIdEd
Holden Roberts and Ichabod Hastings are sitting around doing what they do best. Re-hashing the same conversation they have every week.
Ichabod Hastings: I'm not quite sure it's fair that others get to breathe in the air I've exhaled.
Holden Roberts: I understand your point. I once had to sit on a chair that Dave Rydell once sat on.
Holden and Ichabod each pick up a twin baby.
Ichabod Hastings: Was it before or after one of the 8 times he defeated you last year.
They place the twins on the changing table. Roberts scowls at Hastings.
Holden Roberts: Stop. Don't remind people of that. I'm the World Champion, now. We can't talk about how someone I mock so often has beaten me so many times.
Ichabod Hastings: Sorry. I forgot. We're supposed to talk about other peoples past failures, not out own.
Holden Roberts: Correct. Like when The Mainstreamer lost to Vain three times last year.
Ichabod Hastings: Yeah! And it's not like that was some legendary feud that will go down as one of the most entertaining feuds in history.
Holden Roberts: It's no Travis Roberts versus... who did I convince them to let me wrestle last time?
Ichabod Hastings: I believe it was Dredd, maybe?
Holden Roberts: Yeah, Mainstreamer and Vain had nothing on the 70 year-old Dredd and the not-that-far-behind-in-age Travis Roberts.
Ichabod Hastings: Or rarely used Cynric the Crusader and Travis Roberts.
Holden Roberts: I want to mention my defense against The Crazed Anarchist, but then I couldn't make fun of Holden's much more intense title defense against him later on.
Ichabod Hastings: Then we'll just not talk about it. Only their past, not ours. Don't forget it. Pass the baby powder.
Holden Roberts: You haven't taken off the diaper yet.
Ichabod Hastings: Why would I want to do that?
Holden Roberts: Oh, I get it! My, this is such playful banter.
Without actually changing the diapers, Holden and Ichabod return the twins to the playpen and leave immediately to go a restaurant for more interesting scenery. We hope someone else was there to take care of the children. Maybe Killian King will stop by to watch them.
Our bRaIdEd heroes now walk into a Waffle House, instead of finding a decent place to eat. This way they can show everyone just how cool they are by insulting the staff.[/i]
Ichabod Hastings: This entire place looks sticky.
Holden Roberts: After spending so much time with Vix, I'm pretty used to it.
A token black man appears.
Waldo Peterson: Sup?
Ichabod Hastings: Okay, I know I'm breaking character, but how did you get Waldo to come here?
Holden Roberts: He thinks I'm actually Travis Roberts.
Ichabod Hastings: Ah. Okay. Boss Penguin Nigga. Got it.
Holden Roberts: What?
Ichabod Hastings: It's a.... never mind, back in character.
The three men sit at the table are look at a menu.
Ichabod Hastings: What's a waffle?
Holden Roberts: I'm pretty sure it's a redneck pancake.
Ichabod Hastings: Can I just order a filet mignon?
Waldo Peterson: Ha! That's funny because that's a premium cut of meat and we're at a Waffle House!
Holden Roberts: What about my feud with Baal?
Ichabod Hastings: I don't think we should talk about that one.
Holden Roberts: And why is that?
Ichabod Hastings: You probably shouldn't of won that one. He's better than you.
Holden Roberts: I'm pretty sure that's not true. If someone was better than me, I'd just dismiss them and avoid taking them on directly. Even if they blatantly called me out.
Waldo Peterson: Ha! That's what Travis Roberts did to Holden Orson! Roberts just kind of acted like it didn't happen!
Ichabod Hastings: Holden Orson. Gabriel Baal. There's a lot of people out there that are better than you. Just don't talk about them
Holden Roberts: What the hell man? This has upset me. I'm going to go talk about it with Vix for two hours.
Holden Roberts storms out of the Waffle House and drives back to wherever Victoria Jensen lives. She apparently lives to interview him, so it works. Holden Roberts walks into her living space, much to her dismay.
Holden Roberts: I'm so sad.
Actual Vix: Um... Holden Orson?
Holden Roberts: I'm so sad, can I talk to you for way too long about it?
Actual Vix: Are you doing that thing where you parody your opponents?
Holden Roberts: Yes.
Actual Vix: Then shouldn't you have gotten someone to be me?
Frustrated Holden Orson: Scoff. I don't know any girls.
Actual Vix: That's kind of... sad. Is it because you're gay?
Offended Holden Orson: Who said I'm gay? Mainstreamer was gay.
Actual Vix: But aren't you Mainstreamer?
Whiney Holden Orson: No! I'm his repressed personality!
Actual Vix: Yeah I don't really get that. I don't think anyone does. It's kind of... odd. Isn't this just Mianstreamer having a personality crisis?
Holden Orson: Rolls his eyes.
Actual Vix: Is that a new catch phrase?
Holden Orson: I'm not sure how Roberts talks to you so much.
Actual Vix: I'm not either.
Holden exits Victoria's living space, leaving her more confused than ever.
It's easy to mock these guys. We spend a lot of time with each other because of our shared occupation. Most of us have a special connection with the fans. Most of the fans care about each entertainment professionals and genuinely care what happens to them.
But that's not the case for me. I can mock it all day, but I envy the adoration the fans have for Pierce and Vidas. Pierce's personality and deep story have made them all care about him as a person. His time with Piercing Media, last year as the creative director, his recent battles with Eden Morgan, and his reigns as World Champion... the fans are really invested in him. They want to see him achieve even more success. They never want to see him go away.
Mil Vidas, Jr. has opened a lot of eyes in his short time with UGWC. He's in a potential title match faster than anyone could imagine. His reign as Chaos Champion was a great one, and not even I will deny that.
And then there's me. Holden Orson. Then Martin Graber. Then Holden Orson again. The first time I was here I got a very lukewarm reception. Then, once Martin Graber surfaced, he was catapulted into the limelight. Three classic matches for the world title. But he failed. He couldn't handle that failure. I had to come back. Now everyone acts like it's my fault that Martin isn't around anymore.
Even though I'm here, busting my ass every week to get to the top. Not Martin, Holden. It's very easy to have sour grapes. I want to get mad about how Pierce seemingly got a shot based off his reputation. I want to get mad that I held the Cross Hemisphere title for months longer than Vidas held his Chaos title, and we get the same shot. And my shot depends on how many people who simply don't care about me will vote for me.
I'm convinced I'm the only one in that line-up that can actually beat Roberts. So I have to endure this off-the wall stipulation to find out what I'll be doing. Do I prepare for a battle royal or a title match? Is my shot coming from a vote or from a drawn out tournament at Outlast. Do I have to win a Massive Melee or Battleground match to get a one on one shot? Maybe I can just cash in my purse and get a shot at Synergy when no one is watching. Maybe I'll get picked here and get defeated. Who knows. But it won't be long before I properly come after this title. There's nothing else for me to do professionally. I'm ready to start my own legacy.
I want to finally do what Martin couldn't do. I want to hear how The Hipster is better than The Mainstreamer. I'll fight with Roberts until he can't stand me anymore. I join the ballots, I'll endure the tournaments. Guys like me have been complaining about the same guys in the same positions for a long time. I'm done complaining. I'm ready to take action.
We open to a darkened. The silhouette of Holden Orson shows up on the screen as a voice-over of someone that no one really knows or cares about is heard.
Moss Edwards Probably: Ladies and gentlemen... shit I forgot to change my font color. Ladies and gentlemen, he is the host of Holden Onto the Truth and the host of the Drowning in the Mainstream radio show. He told me earlier he's the absolute best entertainment wrestler ever, and now that I said it, it must be true... HOLDEN SHARP!!!!
A song that you won't recognize, look up, or care about plays and the light come on showing obviously Holden Orson wearing a 'Holden Sharp' name tag.
Holden Sharp: Welcome! This is a very special edition of the Holden Onto the Truth. You see, Travis Pierce hasn't been relevant for a long time, and I doubt I'll have a reason to mock him anytime in the near future.
Holden switches to Camera B.
Holden Sharp: But before I mock Pierce, here's some boring pop culture references I'll try to twist into insults about my opponents.
Holden switches to Camera C to make his promo look longer.
Holden Sharp: Kraft just announced releasing a new five-cheese blend. It now comes with Goat Cheese, Stilton Cheese, Casu Marzu, Halloumi, and Vieux Lille. It's all pretty shitty cheese. Speaking of shitty cheese, Mil Vidas, Jr. is a twat.
Moss Edwards Probably: His transitions aren't that bad, Holden.
Holden switches to Camera D. He's got so many more cameras than Pierce.
Holden Sharp: So in other news, Michael Phelps just bested an ancient record for most individual gold medals in an Olympic career. He bested the record of Leonidas of Rhodes, known for running in the nude. When asked what he'd do with his new found success he said the following:
The camera switches to Obviously Ichabod dressed as Michael Phelps.
Ichabod dressed up as Michael Phelps: I'm basically going to live off of this reputation for a while. I'll get fat and stop swimming well, and then I'll just keep showing up at the Olympics to make sure I take someone else's spot. And that's the piercing truth.
Holden Sharp: Also, to make sure I didn't forget Travis Roberts, Fidel Castro is turning 90 this week. The former leader of Cuba stepped down back in 2011, four years later than Travis Roberts should have retired. The nonagenarian said that. much like Travis Roberts, he stopped being effective in his 80s and didn't want to get old and stale.
Holden switches to Camera E.
Holden Sharp: We used to think of how weird it would be when Castro was gone. But her left office 5 years ago and you haven't probably thought about him in all of that time. Take a hint, Beta Travis. And Alpha Travis for that matter.
Holden switches to Camera F. F as in, fuck that's a lot of cameras.
Holden Sharp: So now that my monologue is over, I'm going to play a random youtube video for you while I walk over to my chair.
We return to Holden sitting at a desk. A cup of coffee he probably won't drink sits on the desk itself.
Holden Sharp: It was nice for Fear to make that video for us. Anyhow, next week YOU, the audience, has the chance to pick the Travis Robert's next opponent for the UGWC World Championship.
Holden switches to Camera G.
Holden Sharp: Travis Perice, Holden Orson, and Mil Vidas, Jr. Many people are saying this threesome represents the past, present, and future of UGWC. And by many, I mean Ichabod and I noticed it a little earlier and talked about it. Peirce, the past of UGWC. The second Grand Slam Champion. Orson, the present. The most recent Cross-Hemisphere Champion and most talented man to never wear the World Title. Vidas, the future. He'll probably be in the World title picture many more times in his career, this is probably the first of many.
Holden switches to Camera H.
Holden Sharp: Travis Pierce, is easily the most accomplished within UGWC. Not only is he the only former World Champion in the bunch, but he's also been a grand slam champion, so this position is not new to him. His resume is impressive, and he'll tell you all about it much like the other veterans here will do. He's one half of what's most likely the best tag team in the history of UGWC, and frankly he's the fan favorite. And with this being an election, that makes a big difference.
Holden switches to Camera A. Finally ran out of cameras.
Holden Sharp: Mil Vidas, Jr. is easily the least accomplished man on the ballot. He's just come off a better-than-anyone-expected Chaos Title run. He's done a lot in a short time, and the fans have really taken to him in his short time here. He's been very active in representing UGWC by participating in both the Total J-Cup and OWF's Pool of Blood Tournament. He's the overachieving young buck fans crave to see. They'd love to see him take on Travis Roberts. Another attractive name on the ballot.
Holden switches to Camera B.
Holden Sharp: Then there's Holden Orson. He basically has a gimmick that no one quite gets, or understands. They just kind of go with it. His identity is understandably tied into that of The Mainstreamer. Everyone remembers the saga that The Mainstreamer and Vain had in 2015 that kicked off at this very event. While 2016 has been a resounding success for Holden, the stigma of those three failed opportunities continues to loom over his head. Everyone who was around makes sure to gloat about it. The fans sure as hell haven't forgotten about it. He's been given an opportunity to get a fair shot at the big prize, but it's up to the fans to give it to him. Will the fans respect the unique perspective he's tried to bring the sports entertainment? Are they more hung up on the fossils of the past that they'll flock to Travis Peirce? Do they want change so badly that they'll overlook the one man who's went against the mainstream and vote for Mil Vidas, Jr.? I wouldn't want to be Holden Orson.
Holden continues to stare into Camera B.
Holden Orson: Jesus, you're right Pierce. The truth does hurt. It really doesn't matter that you haven't been a viable contender in years. It really doesn't matter Mil Vidas, Jr. has zero chance of topping Roberts this early on in his career. I'll probably lose this vote.... but I'm the only one on the ballot who can actually beat Travis Roberts.
Holden switches back to Camera A.
Holden Orson: Hey, at least I can win an Outlast Captain position when everyone else votes for those other guys. Without me, you'll have to endure another month of Travis Roberts as your World Champion. And that's the … sharp truth?
Congo Bongo
Holden Vidas, Jr. walks into a very active arcade, wearing his masquerade mask over a generic luchador wrestling mask. He looks around at the vintage cabinets: Pac-Man, Donkey Kong, Galaga... then he spots what he came to the arcade for. Congo Bongo. This game was the favorite of Holden Vidas, Sr. when he played arcade games. Holden is ready to carry on the legacy.
The arcade had recently challenged someone to beat the high score. Holden pulls up a stool and pulls out a sack of quarters, ready to make history.
It's time.
Holden drops in the first quarter. He watches as Bongo the gorilla comes out and kicks a sleeping hunter. Holden Vidas, Jr. always hated bullies; he's ready to exact revenge. He starts the first level, dodging coconuts and avoiding getting too many monkeys on his back. He looks up at the high score ever-present in the middle of the screen. 53,200. His first quarter is over, Holden wasn't even able to get past the first level. Less than 1,000 points. It's going to me an uphill battle from here.
Hours or playing later... He beats that first level, Primate Peak! On to Snake Lake to to dodge scorpions. After that, he takes cover as he dodges the charging beasts at Rhino Ridge. Finally he fights with Congo at Lazy Lagoon where he rides hippos to get his revenge on Congo.
He beats the game, but not the score. After getting his revenge by kicking Congo, the game restarts, harder than before. Holden Vidas, Jr. spends more hours, more quarters reaching for that record.
53,200.
A crowd has gathered around as Holden's personal best start to get higher. They groan after he loses his last life right at 52,000 points. But they don't leave. Holden drops another quarter in.
His magical run begins. He jumps coconuts. He dodges scorpions. He evades rhinos. He kicks Congo in his fat head. Then it happens. The score ticks up to 53,000, and he's on his last life. The game has gotten so difficult, that Holden is hunched over the cabinent and is grunting as he tries to stay alive.
53,100!
Holden narrowly dodges a rhino. His palms are sweaty. He dodges another.
53,200!
The crowd grows silent, as they wait to ensure he actually beats it. One more dodge...
53,300!
The crowd behind him erupts. He manages to get to 54,900 before he finally loses that final life. The former Congo Bongo Champion, one of the arcade regulars, comes and congratulates him. Holden Vidas, Jr. has done it. It's not Donkey Kong. It's not Pac-Man. But it's his first high score. Holden takes his few remaining quarters and leaves, ready for a long night of sleep. He sleeps hard, feeling accomplished. People used to tease him for playing arcade games all the time and not having a high score. But now... they can go look at Congo Bongo. He's the champion, just like his dad was.
The next day, Holden Vidas, Jr. returns to the arcade to admire his score. He sees a young man he's never seen before sitting at the Congo Bongo cabinet.
At first, Holden is happy to see someone going for his record. But Holden spots the man spots him entering in his initials. on the leader board. RML. Then he looks closer. RML has taken over the whole leader-board, and his former high score isn't even there anymore. 122,000! 113,500! This guy blew him out of the water!
What the hell happened? The man entering the scores turns around and nods. Holden Vidas, Jr. walks up to Congo Bongo. This man just crushed his record without nay fan fare. Holden had poured his soul into that high score, and this man just wiped him off the face of the planet.
Holden Vidas, Jr. watched over the next few days as RML top the leader-board on virtually every mid-level arcade game. For his minor achievement, he was asked by the arcade to take on some of the more prominent players on bigger games like Donkey Kong and Galaga.
But he couldn't help to think...
Maybe RML was the one who deserved his spot.
bRaIdEd
Holden Roberts and Ichabod Hastings are sitting around doing what they do best. Re-hashing the same conversation they have every week.
Ichabod Hastings: I'm not quite sure it's fair that others get to breathe in the air I've exhaled.
Holden Roberts: I understand your point. I once had to sit on a chair that Dave Rydell once sat on.
Holden and Ichabod each pick up a twin baby.
Ichabod Hastings: Was it before or after one of the 8 times he defeated you last year.
They place the twins on the changing table. Roberts scowls at Hastings.
Holden Roberts: Stop. Don't remind people of that. I'm the World Champion, now. We can't talk about how someone I mock so often has beaten me so many times.
Ichabod Hastings: Sorry. I forgot. We're supposed to talk about other peoples past failures, not out own.
Holden Roberts: Correct. Like when The Mainstreamer lost to Vain three times last year.
Ichabod Hastings: Yeah! And it's not like that was some legendary feud that will go down as one of the most entertaining feuds in history.
Holden Roberts: It's no Travis Roberts versus... who did I convince them to let me wrestle last time?
Ichabod Hastings: I believe it was Dredd, maybe?
Holden Roberts: Yeah, Mainstreamer and Vain had nothing on the 70 year-old Dredd and the not-that-far-behind-in-age Travis Roberts.
Ichabod Hastings: Or rarely used Cynric the Crusader and Travis Roberts.
Holden Roberts: I want to mention my defense against The Crazed Anarchist, but then I couldn't make fun of Holden's much more intense title defense against him later on.
Ichabod Hastings: Then we'll just not talk about it. Only their past, not ours. Don't forget it. Pass the baby powder.
Holden Roberts: You haven't taken off the diaper yet.
Ichabod Hastings: Why would I want to do that?
Holden Roberts: Oh, I get it! My, this is such playful banter.
Without actually changing the diapers, Holden and Ichabod return the twins to the playpen and leave immediately to go a restaurant for more interesting scenery. We hope someone else was there to take care of the children. Maybe Killian King will stop by to watch them.
Our bRaIdEd heroes now walk into a Waffle House, instead of finding a decent place to eat. This way they can show everyone just how cool they are by insulting the staff.[/i]
Ichabod Hastings: This entire place looks sticky.
Holden Roberts: After spending so much time with Vix, I'm pretty used to it.
A token black man appears.
Waldo Peterson: Sup?
Ichabod Hastings: Okay, I know I'm breaking character, but how did you get Waldo to come here?
Holden Roberts: He thinks I'm actually Travis Roberts.
Ichabod Hastings: Ah. Okay. Boss Penguin Nigga. Got it.
Holden Roberts: What?
Ichabod Hastings: It's a.... never mind, back in character.
The three men sit at the table are look at a menu.
Ichabod Hastings: What's a waffle?
Holden Roberts: I'm pretty sure it's a redneck pancake.
Ichabod Hastings: Can I just order a filet mignon?
Waldo Peterson: Ha! That's funny because that's a premium cut of meat and we're at a Waffle House!
Holden Roberts: What about my feud with Baal?
Ichabod Hastings: I don't think we should talk about that one.
Holden Roberts: And why is that?
Ichabod Hastings: You probably shouldn't of won that one. He's better than you.
Holden Roberts: I'm pretty sure that's not true. If someone was better than me, I'd just dismiss them and avoid taking them on directly. Even if they blatantly called me out.
Waldo Peterson: Ha! That's what Travis Roberts did to Holden Orson! Roberts just kind of acted like it didn't happen!
Ichabod Hastings: Holden Orson. Gabriel Baal. There's a lot of people out there that are better than you. Just don't talk about them
Holden Roberts: What the hell man? This has upset me. I'm going to go talk about it with Vix for two hours.
Holden Roberts storms out of the Waffle House and drives back to wherever Victoria Jensen lives. She apparently lives to interview him, so it works. Holden Roberts walks into her living space, much to her dismay.
Holden Roberts: I'm so sad.
Actual Vix: Um... Holden Orson?
Holden Roberts: I'm so sad, can I talk to you for way too long about it?
Actual Vix: Are you doing that thing where you parody your opponents?
Holden Roberts: Yes.
Actual Vix: Then shouldn't you have gotten someone to be me?
Frustrated Holden Orson: Scoff. I don't know any girls.
Actual Vix: That's kind of... sad. Is it because you're gay?
Offended Holden Orson: Who said I'm gay? Mainstreamer was gay.
Actual Vix: But aren't you Mainstreamer?
Whiney Holden Orson: No! I'm his repressed personality!
Actual Vix: Yeah I don't really get that. I don't think anyone does. It's kind of... odd. Isn't this just Mianstreamer having a personality crisis?
Holden Orson: Rolls his eyes.
Actual Vix: Is that a new catch phrase?
Holden Orson: I'm not sure how Roberts talks to you so much.
Actual Vix: I'm not either.
Holden exits Victoria's living space, leaving her more confused than ever.
It's easy to mock these guys. We spend a lot of time with each other because of our shared occupation. Most of us have a special connection with the fans. Most of the fans care about each entertainment professionals and genuinely care what happens to them.
But that's not the case for me. I can mock it all day, but I envy the adoration the fans have for Pierce and Vidas. Pierce's personality and deep story have made them all care about him as a person. His time with Piercing Media, last year as the creative director, his recent battles with Eden Morgan, and his reigns as World Champion... the fans are really invested in him. They want to see him achieve even more success. They never want to see him go away.
Mil Vidas, Jr. has opened a lot of eyes in his short time with UGWC. He's in a potential title match faster than anyone could imagine. His reign as Chaos Champion was a great one, and not even I will deny that.
And then there's me. Holden Orson. Then Martin Graber. Then Holden Orson again. The first time I was here I got a very lukewarm reception. Then, once Martin Graber surfaced, he was catapulted into the limelight. Three classic matches for the world title. But he failed. He couldn't handle that failure. I had to come back. Now everyone acts like it's my fault that Martin isn't around anymore.
Even though I'm here, busting my ass every week to get to the top. Not Martin, Holden. It's very easy to have sour grapes. I want to get mad about how Pierce seemingly got a shot based off his reputation. I want to get mad that I held the Cross Hemisphere title for months longer than Vidas held his Chaos title, and we get the same shot. And my shot depends on how many people who simply don't care about me will vote for me.
I'm convinced I'm the only one in that line-up that can actually beat Roberts. So I have to endure this off-the wall stipulation to find out what I'll be doing. Do I prepare for a battle royal or a title match? Is my shot coming from a vote or from a drawn out tournament at Outlast. Do I have to win a Massive Melee or Battleground match to get a one on one shot? Maybe I can just cash in my purse and get a shot at Synergy when no one is watching. Maybe I'll get picked here and get defeated. Who knows. But it won't be long before I properly come after this title. There's nothing else for me to do professionally. I'm ready to start my own legacy.
I want to finally do what Martin couldn't do. I want to hear how The Hipster is better than The Mainstreamer. I'll fight with Roberts until he can't stand me anymore. I join the ballots, I'll endure the tournaments. Guys like me have been complaining about the same guys in the same positions for a long time. I'm done complaining. I'm ready to take action.
