Post by T-Robosaurus Rex on Dec 11, 2009 20:42:46 GMT -5
[The GIW Unified Global Champion, ‘The Blessed One’ Travis Roberts walks into his dressing room, for the first time in his career in GIW he is wearing a suit, tie and shining shoes, he approaches his couch slowly, and carefully lowers himself into it. To his right lies the Unified Global Championship belt, ‘The Headliner’ glances at it momentarily before quickly jerking his head away.
He looks behind himself, and finds his leather jacket resting on the back of the sofa, he twists and pulls it down before frantically rummaging through the pockets before he finds what he is looking for, a slightly bent out of shape pre-rolled and his lighter. He tries to straighten the cylinder out and places it into his mouth, before lighting it and slowly inhaling, and gradually leaning backwards onto the couch.
Suddenly the door swings open, disturbing this completive scene, and in walks one of Travis Roberts’ oldest acquaintances, Craig Futile. Travis barely acknowledges his visitor, merely glancing his way before taking another pull on his smoke. Craig, having known Travis long enough, is not perturbed by this unenthusiastic welcome, and walks over to the sofa, and sits down on the far end.]
Craig – ‘So...how’d it go?’
[Travis says nothing, just takes another toke on his cylinder of joy.]
Craig – ‘C’mon, you know I’m not going anywhere until you tell me.’
[Travis shakes his head, smiling, takes another smoke, and blows the smoke directly into his companions face.]
Craig – ‘Very...*cough*....mature...*cough*. Look at it logically, I’ll find out soon enough, you can’t keep today a secret, isn’t it better I hear it from the right perspective?’
[Travis turns for the first time and locks eyes with Craig Futile, this goes on for a few moments, but Futile is unwilling to break eye contact, and it is Travis who eventually looks away, shaking his head.]
Travis – ‘You’re one determined S.O.B, that’s for damn sure. No wonder you’ve had so much success in the east. You wanna know how it all went down, sure ‘The Headliner’ will enlighten you...well to the bits that he can remember, ‘The Blessed One’ popped some pills earlier, and let’s just say they’re playing with his recollection of recent events somewhat, but Travis Roberts is sure the salient details will remain...’
[Craig looks shocked]
Craig – ‘Pills? The smoking I knew about, but since when did you start on the pills?’
Travis – ‘Relax dude, it’s just some pain medication...at least that’s what the dude near the dumpster said...’
Craig – ‘The ”dude near the dumpster”?’
[Travis raises his eyebrows at Craig, in a ‘you should know better manner’.]
Travis – ‘Right, you wanna hear how Travis Roberts’ day went down or not?’
Craig – ‘Is there really much point, your pupils are as large as Andy Savana’s colon after Prescott played Doctors and Nurses with him, you’re blatantly high as a kite.’
Travis – ‘When has that mattered?’
Craig – ‘This is different...’
Travis – ‘For the love of all that is TWiSTeD, this is not a problem. Sure the smoking used to take the edge off of things a year or so ago, but ‘The Blessed One’ ain’t as young as he once was, and stealing the show each and every week for over a year takes it’s toll. Donovan Hastings may think Travis Roberts is in top condition, but the Unified Global Champion is never in prime condition, it doesn’t roll with the job description...
The fuck you know anyway? Yo skinny ass ain’t been anywhere near a ring in over 4 years, the only injury you gonna get is chapped lips from all the ass you been kissing.’
[Craig’s eyes widen, shocked by the outburst from Travis, who although always self-righteous and definitely prone to the occasional rant, isn’t usually so quick to become so defensive.]
Craig – ‘Ok...Ok...you may have a point, why don’t we just focus on what happened today, and I’ll try not to make any more judgements.’
Travis – ‘If you wanna hear about ‘The Most Influential Icon in Sports Entertainment this Millennia’s’ day, you better keep to that frame of mind...’
[The scene quickly changes, and we are granted the pleasure of seeing the events as described by ‘The Headliner’. We are clearly in the corridors of a courthouse and ‘The Blessed One’ is stood, wearing the same suit we have seen him in earlier, in discussion with a gentlemen holding numerous files. Travis Roberts is laughing, whilst the other man seems more concerned than jovial, and is obviously trying to stress some point to ‘The TWiSTeD Icon’. Suddenly Travis’ face turns deadly serious, and he utters a very short sentence, and the well dressed man shoves the files into ‘The Headliners’ arms and strides off in the other direction. At this point we are dragged back into the locker room of ‘The Blessed One’]
Craig – ‘You fired you’re attorney?...But....why?’
Travis – ‘Does ‘The Blessed One’ sense judgement in your tone?’
Craig – ‘of course not...I’m sure you had a great reason for it, I just want to know what it was.’
Travis – ‘He wasn’t Travis Roberts.’
Craig – ‘Well...yes. But surely that much was apparent when you hired him?’
Travis – ‘Sure when there was paperwork, admin, phone calls, and that kind of boring stuff, ‘The Headliner’ needed the guy. But seriously, does Travis Roberts need anyone to speak on his behalf? ‘
Craig – ‘Under normal circumstances I’d agree, but...’
Travis – ‘But nothing. ‘The Blessed One’ doesn’t need anyone else to speak for him. Do you want to hear the rest or not?’
[Futile nods and we are dragged back to the courthouse, this time we are in the court room. Tate Levene sits on a mobility scooter behind a desk, conferring with his attorney, whilst Travis leans back in his chair with his feet crossed on top of his own table. ‘The Blessed One’ has a sheet of paper from one of his own files in his hands, but rather than reading it, he is making an origami swan out of it, which he places next to the boat, sunflower and albatross that sit in a neat row on the front of his desk...]
Craig – ‘I’m pretty sure you can’t make an origami albatross.’
Travis – ‘You suddenly a Professor of Origami?’
Craig – ‘I guess not, continue...’
Craig – ‘HOLD ON! Boss P was the judge, how is that even possible?’
Travis – ‘Is it really relevant who he was? Or is what he had to say more important?
Craig – ‘True, but I’m pretty sure no judge on the Federal Circuit is gonna use the N word during a case...’
Travis – ‘’The Blessed One’ is paraphrasing , but if you want you can always tell it properly...oh no, wait, you can’t...’
[Back in the courtroom ‘The Headliner’ reluctantly sets aside his scale model of Paris’ most recognisable monument, and looks over in shocked horror at Tate Levene.]
Travis – ‘As you can see the deck was already stacked against ‘The Headliner’, the judge had already made his mind up...’
Craig – ‘In fairness, there is no doubting the fact you shot Tate, this was a liability hearing, not a criminal one. So the statement, though I doubt it was made in such frank terms, was not an acknowledgement of bias.’
Travis – ‘That’s the exact story the flightless fuck gave too...’
[The scene quickly skips forward, and now Tate Levene is sat behind a stand to the right of the Judge. We say sat, but he is more suspended, in a harness, from a miniature crane that has somehow made its way into the courtroom, or ‘The Headliners’ imagination. Tate’s lawyer walks towards him.]
Craig – ‘Paraphrasing?’
Travis – ‘Trust ‘The Headliner’, you don’t actually want to hear what that mutated gibbon thought passed for communication, let’s just get to the interesting parts.’
[Travis is now standing before Tate, and he paces backwards and forwards, one arm behind his back, the other resting ion his chin. Suddenly he spins and points at Tate]
Tate:
I can’t say whether you knew or not, but you certainly hadn’t checked, which is negligent when so many people are around, especially when you knew you were bad with animals.
Travis:
And how did you deduce that ‘The Blessed One’ was bad with animals?
Tate:
You told me you Moron, on the ride to the ranch, it’s what got you so angry in the first place!
Travis:
So as ‘The Blessed Ones’ agent you knew he didn’t work well with animals, and you let him onto a horse without checking if the ‘prop’ in his possession was loaded or not? Would it fair to assume that as ‘The Headliners’ agent your job description was to basically do the things Travis Roberts couldn’t be bothered to do, and wouldn’t that include checking whether a gun he didn’t want to be holding in the first place was actually loaded?
Tate:
Ummm...Errr...Well...
Travis:
Pretty sure that was rhetorical, by which is meant the answer was implied in the question. One other thing though, Tate are you fat?
Tate
I’m not sure how that’s relevant.
Judge Boss P:
YO ASS GONE BLIND AND FORGETFUL NOW NIGGA? ‘IS DAT CHUNKY NIGLET ‘DERE FAT?’ SHIAT BITCH I TOLD YO ONCE BEFORE I GOT SOME SKANK WAITING FO ‘DIS BEAK, AND YO IS WASTIN’ MA TIME WITH DIS SHIT, YA HEAR? AS DA FAT KIDDYNIGGLA SAID, HOW IS DIS SHIT RELEVENT...
Travis:
How? How! This is all about liability, this is completely relevant, there were dozens of people there that were not obese on that ranch, did any of them get shot? No!
Judge Boss P:
WOAH, HOLD UP THERE DOPED UP NIGGA, ARE YO SUGGESTING IT’S THE CHUNKY NIGGA’S OWN FAULT HE GOT SHOT, BECAUSE HE’S FAT?
Travis:
That’s exactly what Travis Roberts legal team is saying, because it the obvious logical truth...
Judge Boss P:
YO ASS DOES KNOW IT’S IN A GODDAMN COURT OF LAW DON’T IT, YA KNOW, NIGGA’S CAN’T JUS’ CALL ANOTHER PERSON FAT AND THINK THAT PROVES ANYTHING, DAT SHIT ONLY WORKS IN ‘DA STREETS BIATCH.
Travis:
We are not calling Tate fat, merely pointing out the fact that he is. Please take a look at this file from a leading doctor who worked on Mr Levene’s injuries, he states if Tate Levene hadn’t been wonderfully obese, his body mass would not have got in the way of the bullet. The only reason Tate Levene was shot, is because he takes up more space on this planet than 3 normal sized human beings.
Now it’s pretty clear that The GIW Unified Global Champion cannot be held responsible for Tate Levene’s weight problems which have been apparent and documented before Travis Roberts came into contact with him. And it is this that is the primary reason for the injury inflicted to ‘The Headliner’s former agent.
No further questions.[/center]
[We are back in Travis’ locker room, and Craig’s jaw is hanging open.]
Craig – ‘That...thats genius. If you’d have told me you planned on defending yourself based on Tate’s overeating I’d have said you were mad...but that’s brilliant. You can’t argue with physics...’
Travis – ‘Unless your monumentally retarded, or have the brain of a bird...’
Craig – ‘Twenty Million Dollars? How the hell did that happen, you had physics on your side...’
Travis – ‘But he had an attorney; apparently they can circumnavigate the laws of science more easily than I can beat Randy Boolzian...’
Craig – ‘You seem remarkably upbeat for a man that lost Twenty Million Dollars this morning, I’ve met people who have thrown themselves out of windows over half that amount.’
Travis – ‘These are wonderful pills, they take the edge off of any pain, even those that hit your bank balance...’
Craig – ‘So how did the afternoon go then?’
Travis – ‘Well thankfully that was more clear cut...’
[As we are transported away from the locker room once more, we are no longer inside a court room, but the private chambers ofa judge, with both Mary-Joanna and Travis Roberts sat and different ends of a long-ish table. MJ has an attorney, Travis does not.]
Craig – ‘Old Lady Levene this time...I guess that’s positive....’
[The scene as ever shunts forward somewhat, and we see Travis stating his case.]
[Travis does not object, and through the door, walks the furry yellow body of ‘The Headliners former agent eD cASe. As is usual for the afflicted man he is incredibly nervous as he struggles on top of a seat, and sits hands constantly fidgeting. The Judge repeats the question regarding other companies interest, and he replies.]
[At this point eD becomes even more uncomfortable and shifts from side to side on his chair, he looks over at Travis, and then the Judge who looks over her horn-rimmed glasses at him, awaiting a response. He looks down, takes a deep breath, looks back at Travis apologetically and responds.]
Craig – ‘Oh...’’
Travis – ‘Told you it was clear cut.’
Craig – ‘She got twenty Million Dollars too? And you had Forty Million, with Tate’s Twenty that means your...’
Travis – ‘Wow! ‘The Headliner’ is privileged to see a top business mind at work, up close? How do you do that, ‘The Blessed One’ still hasn’t worked out he’s homeless and broke. Thank TWiSTeD you were around to tell him!’
Craig – ‘I’m in shock, I mean...How? How is it possible for that to all happen in one day, I can’t get my head around it...and just days before Horizons...’
[Travis leans forward and grabs the remote to his TV and puts it on...]
Travis – ‘Jeopardy is on!’
Craig – ‘Don’t you want to talk about this?’
Travis – ‘Is that Donovan...’
[Both men now stare transfixed at the screen for the next ten minutes or so, until Donovan Hastings’ craxy version of the classic TV game show ends ]
Travis – ‘Funny thing is, he thinks I don’t know...’
Craig – ‘Huh?’
Travis – ‘Nothing.’
Craig – ‘Look dude, I’m sorry but I gotta jet, got a big meeting in an hour...’
Travis – ‘Of course you have...’
[Craig doesn’t note the tone of ‘The Headliners’ voice as he gets to his feet...]
Craig – ‘Look on the bright side...’
[He says heading out of the door...]
Craig – ‘At least you’ve still got that.’
[Futile motions at the shining Unified Global Championship, before closing the door behind him. Travis slumps back on his sofa and looks down at the belt.]
Travis – ‘Yeah, at least I still have that...’
He looks behind himself, and finds his leather jacket resting on the back of the sofa, he twists and pulls it down before frantically rummaging through the pockets before he finds what he is looking for, a slightly bent out of shape pre-rolled and his lighter. He tries to straighten the cylinder out and places it into his mouth, before lighting it and slowly inhaling, and gradually leaning backwards onto the couch.
Suddenly the door swings open, disturbing this completive scene, and in walks one of Travis Roberts’ oldest acquaintances, Craig Futile. Travis barely acknowledges his visitor, merely glancing his way before taking another pull on his smoke. Craig, having known Travis long enough, is not perturbed by this unenthusiastic welcome, and walks over to the sofa, and sits down on the far end.]
Craig – ‘So...how’d it go?’
[Travis says nothing, just takes another toke on his cylinder of joy.]
Craig – ‘C’mon, you know I’m not going anywhere until you tell me.’
[Travis shakes his head, smiling, takes another smoke, and blows the smoke directly into his companions face.]
Craig – ‘Very...*cough*....mature...*cough*. Look at it logically, I’ll find out soon enough, you can’t keep today a secret, isn’t it better I hear it from the right perspective?’
[Travis turns for the first time and locks eyes with Craig Futile, this goes on for a few moments, but Futile is unwilling to break eye contact, and it is Travis who eventually looks away, shaking his head.]
Travis – ‘You’re one determined S.O.B, that’s for damn sure. No wonder you’ve had so much success in the east. You wanna know how it all went down, sure ‘The Headliner’ will enlighten you...well to the bits that he can remember, ‘The Blessed One’ popped some pills earlier, and let’s just say they’re playing with his recollection of recent events somewhat, but Travis Roberts is sure the salient details will remain...’
[Craig looks shocked]
Craig – ‘Pills? The smoking I knew about, but since when did you start on the pills?’
Travis – ‘Relax dude, it’s just some pain medication...at least that’s what the dude near the dumpster said...’
Craig – ‘The ”dude near the dumpster”?’
[Travis raises his eyebrows at Craig, in a ‘you should know better manner’.]
Travis – ‘Right, you wanna hear how Travis Roberts’ day went down or not?’
Craig – ‘Is there really much point, your pupils are as large as Andy Savana’s colon after Prescott played Doctors and Nurses with him, you’re blatantly high as a kite.’
Travis – ‘When has that mattered?’
Craig – ‘This is different...’
Travis – ‘For the love of all that is TWiSTeD, this is not a problem. Sure the smoking used to take the edge off of things a year or so ago, but ‘The Blessed One’ ain’t as young as he once was, and stealing the show each and every week for over a year takes it’s toll. Donovan Hastings may think Travis Roberts is in top condition, but the Unified Global Champion is never in prime condition, it doesn’t roll with the job description...
The fuck you know anyway? Yo skinny ass ain’t been anywhere near a ring in over 4 years, the only injury you gonna get is chapped lips from all the ass you been kissing.’
[Craig’s eyes widen, shocked by the outburst from Travis, who although always self-righteous and definitely prone to the occasional rant, isn’t usually so quick to become so defensive.]
Craig – ‘Ok...Ok...you may have a point, why don’t we just focus on what happened today, and I’ll try not to make any more judgements.’
Travis – ‘If you wanna hear about ‘The Most Influential Icon in Sports Entertainment this Millennia’s’ day, you better keep to that frame of mind...’
[The scene quickly changes, and we are granted the pleasure of seeing the events as described by ‘The Headliner’. We are clearly in the corridors of a courthouse and ‘The Blessed One’ is stood, wearing the same suit we have seen him in earlier, in discussion with a gentlemen holding numerous files. Travis Roberts is laughing, whilst the other man seems more concerned than jovial, and is obviously trying to stress some point to ‘The TWiSTeD Icon’. Suddenly Travis’ face turns deadly serious, and he utters a very short sentence, and the well dressed man shoves the files into ‘The Headliners’ arms and strides off in the other direction. At this point we are dragged back into the locker room of ‘The Blessed One’]
Craig – ‘You fired you’re attorney?...But....why?’
Travis – ‘Does ‘The Blessed One’ sense judgement in your tone?’
Craig – ‘of course not...I’m sure you had a great reason for it, I just want to know what it was.’
Travis – ‘He wasn’t Travis Roberts.’
Craig – ‘Well...yes. But surely that much was apparent when you hired him?’
Travis – ‘Sure when there was paperwork, admin, phone calls, and that kind of boring stuff, ‘The Headliner’ needed the guy. But seriously, does Travis Roberts need anyone to speak on his behalf? ‘
Craig – ‘Under normal circumstances I’d agree, but...’
Travis – ‘But nothing. ‘The Blessed One’ doesn’t need anyone else to speak for him. Do you want to hear the rest or not?’
[Futile nods and we are dragged back to the courthouse, this time we are in the court room. Tate Levene sits on a mobility scooter behind a desk, conferring with his attorney, whilst Travis leans back in his chair with his feet crossed on top of his own table. ‘The Blessed One’ has a sheet of paper from one of his own files in his hands, but rather than reading it, he is making an origami swan out of it, which he places next to the boat, sunflower and albatross that sit in a neat row on the front of his desk...]
Craig – ‘I’m pretty sure you can’t make an origami albatross.’
Travis – ‘You suddenly a Professor of Origami?’
Craig – ‘I guess not, continue...’
Judge:
AHHH SHIAT, YO GANGLY NIGGA BETTER BE DEAF OR SUMMAT, OR I SWEAR I’MMA HAVE TO FIND YO HIPPY ASS IN CONTEMPT OF ‘DIS MUTHAFUNKIN’ COURT IF YO DON’T GET ON YOU FEET QUICKSHARP NIGLET...
AHHH SHIAT, YO GANGLY NIGGA BETTER BE DEAF OR SUMMAT, OR I SWEAR I’MMA HAVE TO FIND YO HIPPY ASS IN CONTEMPT OF ‘DIS MUTHAFUNKIN’ COURT IF YO DON’T GET ON YOU FEET QUICKSHARP NIGLET...
Craig – ‘HOLD ON! Boss P was the judge, how is that even possible?’
Travis – ‘Is it really relevant who he was? Or is what he had to say more important?
Craig – ‘True, but I’m pretty sure no judge on the Federal Circuit is gonna use the N word during a case...’
Travis – ‘’The Blessed One’ is paraphrasing , but if you want you can always tell it properly...oh no, wait, you can’t...’
[Back in the courtroom ‘The Headliner’ reluctantly sets aside his scale model of Paris’ most recognisable monument, and looks over in shocked horror at Tate Levene.]
Travis:
Why does ‘The Headliner’ have to show any form of humility when that poor excuse for a human gets to sit on his luxury padded arse?
Judge Boss P:
SHIAT NIGGA I DON’T KNOW? MAYBE IT GOT SOMETHING TO DO WITH DAT GAT YO DECIDED TO FIRE INTO HIS LEG...
Why does ‘The Headliner’ have to show any form of humility when that poor excuse for a human gets to sit on his luxury padded arse?
Judge Boss P:
SHIAT NIGGA I DON’T KNOW? MAYBE IT GOT SOMETHING TO DO WITH DAT GAT YO DECIDED TO FIRE INTO HIS LEG...
Travis – ‘As you can see the deck was already stacked against ‘The Headliner’, the judge had already made his mind up...’
Craig – ‘In fairness, there is no doubting the fact you shot Tate, this was a liability hearing, not a criminal one. So the statement, though I doubt it was made in such frank terms, was not an acknowledgement of bias.’
Travis – ‘That’s the exact story the flightless fuck gave too...’
Judge Boss P:
SHIAT NIGGA, I COULDN’T GIVE A FLYING RETARD BURGER WHAT YO THINK I THINK, I JUST WANT ‘DIS SHIT OVER AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, I GOT SOME HOT ASS WAITING FOR ME IN MA’ CHAMBERS
[/b]SHIAT NIGGA, I COULDN’T GIVE A FLYING RETARD BURGER WHAT YO THINK I THINK, I JUST WANT ‘DIS SHIT OVER AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, I GOT SOME HOT ASS WAITING FOR ME IN MA’ CHAMBERS
[The scene quickly skips forward, and now Tate Levene is sat behind a stand to the right of the Judge. We say sat, but he is more suspended, in a harness, from a miniature crane that has somehow made its way into the courtroom, or ‘The Headliners’ imagination. Tate’s lawyer walks towards him.]
Tate Attorney
Mr Levene, could you tell us exactly what happened before Mr Roberts shot you. Had you had any disagreements during the day?
Tate:
He was mean to me and pushed me up against a wall because I’d made him do some completely pointless photo shoot that held no positives whatsoever. And then, because I am, generally the most irritating person currently taking a breath on this continent, he said that the gun better not be loaded, which my tiny brain computed as a threat rather than just a way to show how serious he was about shutting me up....
[/color]Mr Levene, could you tell us exactly what happened before Mr Roberts shot you. Had you had any disagreements during the day?
Tate:
He was mean to me and pushed me up against a wall because I’d made him do some completely pointless photo shoot that held no positives whatsoever. And then, because I am, generally the most irritating person currently taking a breath on this continent, he said that the gun better not be loaded, which my tiny brain computed as a threat rather than just a way to show how serious he was about shutting me up....
Craig – ‘Paraphrasing?’
Travis – ‘Trust ‘The Headliner’, you don’t actually want to hear what that mutated gibbon thought passed for communication, let’s just get to the interesting parts.’
[Travis is now standing before Tate, and he paces backwards and forwards, one arm behind his back, the other resting ion his chin. Suddenly he spins and points at Tate]
Travis:
Mr Levene, do you believe that The Defendant, ‘The Blessed One’ Travis Roberts, the very man who plucked you from obscurity, knew the gun in his possession was loaded with live ammunition rather than blanks, on the day of this tragic incident?
Mr Levene, do you believe that The Defendant, ‘The Blessed One’ Travis Roberts, the very man who plucked you from obscurity, knew the gun in his possession was loaded with live ammunition rather than blanks, on the day of this tragic incident?
Tate:
I can’t say whether you knew or not, but you certainly hadn’t checked, which is negligent when so many people are around, especially when you knew you were bad with animals.
Travis:
And how did you deduce that ‘The Blessed One’ was bad with animals?
Tate:
You told me you Moron, on the ride to the ranch, it’s what got you so angry in the first place!
Travis:
So as ‘The Blessed Ones’ agent you knew he didn’t work well with animals, and you let him onto a horse without checking if the ‘prop’ in his possession was loaded or not? Would it fair to assume that as ‘The Headliners’ agent your job description was to basically do the things Travis Roberts couldn’t be bothered to do, and wouldn’t that include checking whether a gun he didn’t want to be holding in the first place was actually loaded?
Tate:
Ummm...Errr...Well...
Travis:
Pretty sure that was rhetorical, by which is meant the answer was implied in the question. One other thing though, Tate are you fat?
Tate
I’m not sure how that’s relevant.
Judge Boss P:
YO ASS GONE BLIND AND FORGETFUL NOW NIGGA? ‘IS DAT CHUNKY NIGLET ‘DERE FAT?’ SHIAT BITCH I TOLD YO ONCE BEFORE I GOT SOME SKANK WAITING FO ‘DIS BEAK, AND YO IS WASTIN’ MA TIME WITH DIS SHIT, YA HEAR? AS DA FAT KIDDYNIGGLA SAID, HOW IS DIS SHIT RELEVENT...
Travis:
How? How! This is all about liability, this is completely relevant, there were dozens of people there that were not obese on that ranch, did any of them get shot? No!
Judge Boss P:
WOAH, HOLD UP THERE DOPED UP NIGGA, ARE YO SUGGESTING IT’S THE CHUNKY NIGGA’S OWN FAULT HE GOT SHOT, BECAUSE HE’S FAT?
Travis:
That’s exactly what Travis Roberts legal team is saying, because it the obvious logical truth...
Judge Boss P:
YO ASS DOES KNOW IT’S IN A GODDAMN COURT OF LAW DON’T IT, YA KNOW, NIGGA’S CAN’T JUS’ CALL ANOTHER PERSON FAT AND THINK THAT PROVES ANYTHING, DAT SHIT ONLY WORKS IN ‘DA STREETS BIATCH.
Travis:
We are not calling Tate fat, merely pointing out the fact that he is. Please take a look at this file from a leading doctor who worked on Mr Levene’s injuries, he states if Tate Levene hadn’t been wonderfully obese, his body mass would not have got in the way of the bullet. The only reason Tate Levene was shot, is because he takes up more space on this planet than 3 normal sized human beings.
Now it’s pretty clear that The GIW Unified Global Champion cannot be held responsible for Tate Levene’s weight problems which have been apparent and documented before Travis Roberts came into contact with him. And it is this that is the primary reason for the injury inflicted to ‘The Headliner’s former agent.
No further questions.[/center]
[We are back in Travis’ locker room, and Craig’s jaw is hanging open.]
Craig – ‘That...thats genius. If you’d have told me you planned on defending yourself based on Tate’s overeating I’d have said you were mad...but that’s brilliant. You can’t argue with physics...’
Travis – ‘Unless your monumentally retarded, or have the brain of a bird...’
Judge Boss P:
RIGHT LISTEN UP BITCHES, I’VE LISTENED TO YO BOTH YAP ON, AND I EVEN READ ‘DA SIGNED STATEMENT FROM DAT SKANY HO BAG NIGGERINA DAT’S MARRIED FOR DA NEXT FEW HOURS TO DA DEFENDANT, AND I’VE COME TO MA DECISION.
TATE YO IS FAT, YO IS SO FAT DINING CUTLERY SEEM’S TO ORBIT AROUND YO, AND IF YO HADN’T BEEN SO ROUND DAT BULLET WOULD NOT HAVE HIT YA. BUT HIPPY NIGGA, DAT AIN’T THE REASON DIS CHUNKY NIGLET GOT DA BULLET, IT’S CLEAR YO IS MANIPULATIVE, CONTROLLING, SELF-GRANDISING EGOTIST, WITH ONE HELL OF A TEMPER, HAD YO NOT BEEN IN SOME DRUG ENDUCED BAD MODD IT’S HIGHLY LIKELY DIS SHIT WOULD NEVER HAVE HAPPENED...
THEREFORE I AWARD THE PLAINTIFF TWENTY MILLION DOLLARS IN DAMAGES FOR EMOTIONAL DISTRESS, LOSS OF EARNINGS AND FO YO GENERALLY BEING A DAMN SOCIOPATHIC WASTE OF NIGGA AIR, YOP LUCKY DIS WEREN’’T NO CRIMINAL CASE CAUSE YO ASS WOULD BE GETTING READY FOR A LIFETIME OF REDNESS....
RIGHT LISTEN UP BITCHES, I’VE LISTENED TO YO BOTH YAP ON, AND I EVEN READ ‘DA SIGNED STATEMENT FROM DAT SKANY HO BAG NIGGERINA DAT’S MARRIED FOR DA NEXT FEW HOURS TO DA DEFENDANT, AND I’VE COME TO MA DECISION.
TATE YO IS FAT, YO IS SO FAT DINING CUTLERY SEEM’S TO ORBIT AROUND YO, AND IF YO HADN’T BEEN SO ROUND DAT BULLET WOULD NOT HAVE HIT YA. BUT HIPPY NIGGA, DAT AIN’T THE REASON DIS CHUNKY NIGLET GOT DA BULLET, IT’S CLEAR YO IS MANIPULATIVE, CONTROLLING, SELF-GRANDISING EGOTIST, WITH ONE HELL OF A TEMPER, HAD YO NOT BEEN IN SOME DRUG ENDUCED BAD MODD IT’S HIGHLY LIKELY DIS SHIT WOULD NEVER HAVE HAPPENED...
THEREFORE I AWARD THE PLAINTIFF TWENTY MILLION DOLLARS IN DAMAGES FOR EMOTIONAL DISTRESS, LOSS OF EARNINGS AND FO YO GENERALLY BEING A DAMN SOCIOPATHIC WASTE OF NIGGA AIR, YOP LUCKY DIS WEREN’’T NO CRIMINAL CASE CAUSE YO ASS WOULD BE GETTING READY FOR A LIFETIME OF REDNESS....
Craig – ‘Twenty Million Dollars? How the hell did that happen, you had physics on your side...’
Travis – ‘But he had an attorney; apparently they can circumnavigate the laws of science more easily than I can beat Randy Boolzian...’
Craig – ‘You seem remarkably upbeat for a man that lost Twenty Million Dollars this morning, I’ve met people who have thrown themselves out of windows over half that amount.’
Travis – ‘These are wonderful pills, they take the edge off of any pain, even those that hit your bank balance...’
Craig – ‘So how did the afternoon go then?’
Travis – ‘Well thankfully that was more clear cut...’
[As we are transported away from the locker room once more, we are no longer inside a court room, but the private chambers ofa judge, with both Mary-Joanna and Travis Roberts sat and different ends of a long-ish table. MJ has an attorney, Travis does not.]
Judge:
Well then my dears, how are we going to sort this mess out, watching love dwindle out young is such a hard thing to do...
Well then my dears, how are we going to sort this mess out, watching love dwindle out young is such a hard thing to do...
Craig – ‘Old Lady Levene this time...I guess that’s positive....’
[The scene as ever shunts forward somewhat, and we see Travis stating his case.]
Travis:
It is ludicrous to suggest that that blood sucking parasite deserves anymore than she has already sucked from the well of ‘The TWiSTeD High Commander’, everything and anything she has ever achieved in her life has been off the back of Travis Roberts’ career. Without ‘The Blessed One’ she’d be nobody. She has already almost bankrupted ‘The Headliner’ once whilst he was in a coma, before she ran off with another man. Travis Roberts realises, with the benefit of hindsight that then would have been a good time to start proceedings, but that’s just not ‘The Blessed Ones’ style...after years unconscious, some serious partying was in order, but there wasn’t much to party on, because she’d spent most of it.
The only possible claim Mary-Joanna has to any of the funds of her estranged husband The GIW Unified Global Champion has accrued, would be in relation to his time in TWiSTeD Fight Club. There is indeed a shallow argument that her support and partnership helped him scale the heights of the wrestling industry at that time, and not his unbridled skill or charisma, nor his ability to make the most dominant of opponents look like a schoolchild in a spelling bee. But even if you prescribe to this fantasy, that money has all gone, she’s already spent it.
Judge Old Lady Levene:
Well dear, if I was to prescribe to that, fantasy, as you call it, wouldn’t it be fair to say that that same support helped you get where you are today? The belief you could be the best in the industry was surely born from that first successful run.
Travis:
That would be a perfectly reasonable position if that soulless wench hadn’t abandoned ‘The Blessed One’ whilst he lay in a coma. Everything ‘The Blessed One’ has achieved since he awoke has been down to his own merits, he hasn’t relied on anyone. She certainly has no bearing on the fact he is the most successful athlete to ever walk the halls of Global Impact Wrestling...
MJ:
What about dear eDison? Didn’t he get you a place in that company...
Travis:
Don’t you have an highly paid monkey to do your talking for you, ‘The Blessed One’ wouldn’t want you to waste what little cash you’ve got left making a fool of yourself during this futile exercise.
MJ:
‘The TWiSteD Matriarch’ can handle this line of questioning just fine...
Travis:
Well it doesn’t really matter who speaks, as you’ve got even less to stand on than Heather Mills, but personally his dulcet tones are far more favourable...
Judge Old Lady Levene:
Travis dear, I must insist that you answer the question.
Travis:
Really, isn’t it quite obvious eD cASe was part of that return, but he has already been compensated for his efforts, it’s what’s called a wage.
MJ:
Would it be fair to say the contract offer from GIW was the turning point for you, and without it the future looked bleak.
Travis:
If that’s what helps you sleep at night. ‘The Blessed One’ is an icon in this industry and would not have been unemployed for long.
MJ:
Had you had any other offers in the two years since your recovery, had any other companies made any inquiries as to your availability?
Travis:
That was Travis Roberts’ agents job to know those things...
Judge Old Lady Levene:
Luckily he is waiting outside, maybe we could ask him, would you object to that dear?
It is ludicrous to suggest that that blood sucking parasite deserves anymore than she has already sucked from the well of ‘The TWiSTeD High Commander’, everything and anything she has ever achieved in her life has been off the back of Travis Roberts’ career. Without ‘The Blessed One’ she’d be nobody. She has already almost bankrupted ‘The Headliner’ once whilst he was in a coma, before she ran off with another man. Travis Roberts realises, with the benefit of hindsight that then would have been a good time to start proceedings, but that’s just not ‘The Blessed Ones’ style...after years unconscious, some serious partying was in order, but there wasn’t much to party on, because she’d spent most of it.
The only possible claim Mary-Joanna has to any of the funds of her estranged husband The GIW Unified Global Champion has accrued, would be in relation to his time in TWiSTeD Fight Club. There is indeed a shallow argument that her support and partnership helped him scale the heights of the wrestling industry at that time, and not his unbridled skill or charisma, nor his ability to make the most dominant of opponents look like a schoolchild in a spelling bee. But even if you prescribe to this fantasy, that money has all gone, she’s already spent it.
Judge Old Lady Levene:
Well dear, if I was to prescribe to that, fantasy, as you call it, wouldn’t it be fair to say that that same support helped you get where you are today? The belief you could be the best in the industry was surely born from that first successful run.
Travis:
That would be a perfectly reasonable position if that soulless wench hadn’t abandoned ‘The Blessed One’ whilst he lay in a coma. Everything ‘The Blessed One’ has achieved since he awoke has been down to his own merits, he hasn’t relied on anyone. She certainly has no bearing on the fact he is the most successful athlete to ever walk the halls of Global Impact Wrestling...
MJ:
What about dear eDison? Didn’t he get you a place in that company...
Travis:
Don’t you have an highly paid monkey to do your talking for you, ‘The Blessed One’ wouldn’t want you to waste what little cash you’ve got left making a fool of yourself during this futile exercise.
MJ:
‘The TWiSteD Matriarch’ can handle this line of questioning just fine...
Travis:
Well it doesn’t really matter who speaks, as you’ve got even less to stand on than Heather Mills, but personally his dulcet tones are far more favourable...
Judge Old Lady Levene:
Travis dear, I must insist that you answer the question.
Travis:
Really, isn’t it quite obvious eD cASe was part of that return, but he has already been compensated for his efforts, it’s what’s called a wage.
MJ:
Would it be fair to say the contract offer from GIW was the turning point for you, and without it the future looked bleak.
Travis:
If that’s what helps you sleep at night. ‘The Blessed One’ is an icon in this industry and would not have been unemployed for long.
MJ:
Had you had any other offers in the two years since your recovery, had any other companies made any inquiries as to your availability?
Travis:
That was Travis Roberts’ agents job to know those things...
Judge Old Lady Levene:
Luckily he is waiting outside, maybe we could ask him, would you object to that dear?
[Travis does not object, and through the door, walks the furry yellow body of ‘The Headliners former agent eD cASe. As is usual for the afflicted man he is incredibly nervous as he struggles on top of a seat, and sits hands constantly fidgeting. The Judge repeats the question regarding other companies interest, and he replies.]
eD:
Erm...no, not as such. A couple of comic stores wondered if he’d do some special appearances, but no Wrestling Companies...Global Impact Wrestling were the only company to show an interest...
MJ:
And how was it you came into contact with them?
Erm...no, not as such. A couple of comic stores wondered if he’d do some special appearances, but no Wrestling Companies...Global Impact Wrestling were the only company to show an interest...
MJ:
And how was it you came into contact with them?
[At this point eD becomes even more uncomfortable and shifts from side to side on his chair, he looks over at Travis, and then the Judge who looks over her horn-rimmed glasses at him, awaiting a response. He looks down, takes a deep breath, looks back at Travis apologetically and responds.]
eD:
You set up a meeting for me with their head of recruitment...
MJ:
Had you tried to get a meeting previously?
eD:
Yes.
MJ:
Were you successful?
eD:
No.
MJ:
So would it be fair to say, Travis Roberts would never have got a job with Global Impact Wrestling if it had not been for Mary-Joanna Roberts?’
eD:
*sigh*Yes...
You set up a meeting for me with their head of recruitment...
MJ:
Had you tried to get a meeting previously?
eD:
Yes.
MJ:
Were you successful?
eD:
No.
MJ:
So would it be fair to say, Travis Roberts would never have got a job with Global Impact Wrestling if it had not been for Mary-Joanna Roberts?’
eD:
*sigh*Yes...
Craig – ‘Oh...’’
Travis – ‘Told you it was clear cut.’
Judge Old Lady Levene:
It is my findings that Mary-Joanna Roberts has been instrumental in the development and success of your career to date, not only in her workings backstage, but also by her ability to help reinvigorate your on screen storylines. Without her it is clear your success would not have been so monumental.
Due to this, I hereby award Mary Joanna-Roberts a settlement of 50% of your current monetary assets, which this morning were valued at Forty Million Dollars, plus the family home, as well as an additional 33% of your earnings for the next five years...
It is my findings that Mary-Joanna Roberts has been instrumental in the development and success of your career to date, not only in her workings backstage, but also by her ability to help reinvigorate your on screen storylines. Without her it is clear your success would not have been so monumental.
Due to this, I hereby award Mary Joanna-Roberts a settlement of 50% of your current monetary assets, which this morning were valued at Forty Million Dollars, plus the family home, as well as an additional 33% of your earnings for the next five years...
Craig – ‘She got twenty Million Dollars too? And you had Forty Million, with Tate’s Twenty that means your...’
Travis – ‘Wow! ‘The Headliner’ is privileged to see a top business mind at work, up close? How do you do that, ‘The Blessed One’ still hasn’t worked out he’s homeless and broke. Thank TWiSTeD you were around to tell him!’
Craig – ‘I’m in shock, I mean...How? How is it possible for that to all happen in one day, I can’t get my head around it...and just days before Horizons...’
[Travis leans forward and grabs the remote to his TV and puts it on...]
Travis – ‘Jeopardy is on!’
Craig – ‘Don’t you want to talk about this?’
Travis – ‘Is that Donovan...’
[Both men now stare transfixed at the screen for the next ten minutes or so, until Donovan Hastings’ craxy version of the classic TV game show ends ]
Travis – ‘Funny thing is, he thinks I don’t know...’
Craig – ‘Huh?’
Travis – ‘Nothing.’
Craig – ‘Look dude, I’m sorry but I gotta jet, got a big meeting in an hour...’
Travis – ‘Of course you have...’
[Craig doesn’t note the tone of ‘The Headliners’ voice as he gets to his feet...]
Craig – ‘Look on the bright side...’
[He says heading out of the door...]
Craig – ‘At least you’ve still got that.’
[Futile motions at the shining Unified Global Championship, before closing the door behind him. Travis slumps back on his sofa and looks down at the belt.]
Travis – ‘Yeah, at least I still have that...’
x2
