Post by Mr.Ego on Sept 22, 2018 2:47:32 GMT -5
Monday, September 17, 2018 - Chicago Illinois: UGWC Arena - Synergy
Loud banging, followed by a huge crash, is heard coming from within the locker room that Vain has taken refuge in. A smattering of curse words is then heard from the normally well-mannered Alan Wallace, causing Roxy Malone to blush as she nears the door. Hesitating for a moment, she finally drums up the nerve to raise her arm, knocking on the door, before taking a step back. The door flies open, a red-faced Vain standing before her, the vein in his forehead pulsating, as he breathes heavily.
"What?!
It seems as though Vain wasn't even aware of who was at his door until after he yelled loud enough for the entirety of the backstage area to hear him. Seeing that it is Roxy Malone standing before him, the enraged look on his face begins to soften, and he visibly begins attempt to steady his breathing, in an attempt to calm down.
"Ms. Malone… my apologies for how rudely I answered the door."
Roxy half-smiles at him, before looking back down at the floor.
"No, I understand, Alan. Tonight obviously didn't go as planned."
"You can say that again. And what makes matters worse is that these ingrates around here didn't lift a finger to help. After everything I've done for all of you?! You make me sick!"
Having yelled the last two sentences, he turns in a huff and storms back into the locker room, leaving the door open. Roxy stands there for a moment, before stepping through the doorway. Vain is now seated on a chair on the other side of the room, wiping the sweat from his face with what looks to be a freshly-laundered towel.
"Alan, I hope you don't mind my intrusion, but I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions?"
Vain looks up at her, and for a moment, he looked as if he was going to begin yelling again. Instead he sighs, leaning back on his seat, and looking back up at Roxy Malone.
"It would be my pleasure, Ms. Malone. Any time that I can be graced with your presence, it's a privilege, and an honor."
Roxy blushes again. She understands that as a journalist, she has to remain impartial, but it's hard to do so when the silver-tongued Alan Wallace is verbally working his magic. Still, she has a job to do.
"Your match tonight, Alan… everyone saw that it didn't go to your liking. How does that affect your mindset heading into Outlast?"
Vain smiles sweetly at her, as he tosses the towel down beside of him.
"It doesn't affect me at all, to be perfectly honest."
The remark catches Roxy off-guard, and Vain begins to chuckle as he takes note of it.
"As much as maybe it should affect my train of thought as I move towards my biggest night to date, the result of tonight's match honestly has no effect on how I go into Outlast. It's meaningless."
"I'm confused, Alan. You were just beaten by two people who have both made it extremely well-known that they are gunning for you, with both of them eyeing the Cross-Hemisphere Championship that you currently hold. I would imagine that a World Championship win over you would be all the more sweeter, and we witnessed here tonight that they have what it takes to defeat you in a match. How could that not weigh on your mind, even if only just a little bit?"
Vain begins to chuckle, with that chuckle quickly forming into a full-fledged, throaty laugh. Roxy begins to grow defensive, crossing her arms over her chest as she watches Vain bust a gut. Finally, he begins to control himself.
"I'm sorry, Ms. Malone. I didn't mean to laugh, because I know you take this business seriously. And you are one of the few reporters that I genuinely respect within this company. However, I find everything you just said to be hysterical."
"And why is that, Alan?"
"Well, for starters, it's just Synergy. Whether I win or lose on Synergy is irrelevant, because even Dave Rydell wins from time to time on Synergy. Hell, he could possibly win later on tonight, and become one-half of the new Cooperative Champions. And in the grand scheme of things, where does Dave Rydell rank in the hierarchy of wrestling greatness?"
Roxy doesn't verbally answer the question, but then again, she doesn't have too. Her answer is written all over her face. And it causes Vain to smile.
"Exactly. So as I was saying, what transpires on Synergy is effectively meaningless. Besides that, I didn't lose the match here tonight, much to the dismay of Mr. Somers and Ms. Lockheart, I'm sure."
A look of confusion forms on the face of Roxy, as she attempts to decipher how Vain could come to that conclusion.
"While I normally do not disagree with you Alan, everyone here tonight saw you get pinned in the center of the ring. So I do not understand how you can sit here and make the statement that you didn't lose the match."
"It's quite simple, my dear. Once I left the ringside area, and my proxy entered into the match, he was then the legal cooperative partner of Elizabeth Blackwell. In fact, Glenn Burke made mention of that fact in the ring, and I'm sure that one of our beloved announcers did as well. Glenn the Proxy was the legal participant in the match. So while yes, you did witness my shoulders being pinned to the mat for a count of three, it was an unofficial count, as I was no longer the legal partner of Ms. Blackwell for that match. And I'm sure Ms. Lockheart was quite proud of herself for believing that she had gotten one up on 'Mr. Ego'. Poor Magdalena… always the bridesmaid, never the bride."
"Then why did Glenn Burke make the count at all?"
"Simply put? The man is an imbecile. There is a reason that he has mostly been relegated to #Chill duty since Hastings took over as the Creative Director. It's probably the best decision that Donovan has made since ascending to that position, if I am being completely honest."
"I'm sure that neither Jet Somers nor Magdalena Lockheart will view the situation the same as you do, Alan."
"Then that's their problem, Ms. Malone. 'Yours Truly' could not possibly care less what Jet Somers, Magdalena Lockheart, or any of my other supposed peers think when it comes to 'Vain' Alan Wallace. Their thoughts about how I conduct my business mean nothing to me, and if they could mean less than nothing, I'm sure they would."
"Well I do know that both Jet and Maggie set out to prove a point tonight, and to make an example of you. Do you feel they were successful in that endeavor?"
"And that endeavor would be what, Ms. Malone? Defeating an unofficial participant in a meaningless cooperative match, on freaking Synergy, in front of the thousands of peons that inhabit this godforsaken cesspool of a city? If that is the case, then yes, they undoubtedly were successful in their endeavors here tonight. And kudos to them for that. Maybe it will help alleviate the sting of both of them losing to me when it mattered most."
"Speaking of that, more specifically regarding your title defense against Jet Somers last week, both Jet and Maggie seemed to have taken issue with how you were able to retain your Cross-Hemisphere Championship against Jet Somers. They both felt, in their opinions, that it was the cowards way out of losing that match, and now they - along with many others - feel that nefarious means are what we are going to see each time that you are in a match. And tonight seems to validate that standpoint. Your thoughts?"
"They can believe what they want, Ms. Malone. They can make any assumption they wish. They can hypothesize that I only defeated Jet due to a loophole if they wish; they can assume each time I go out to that ring, that I'll have some underhanded, convoluted plan in place, in order to cheat whoever I am against out of a win, if they so choose. I hope they do. I want them to think they have everything figured out. I want them to think they have 'Vain' Alan Wallace on the ropes. I want them to think my back is against the wall. It will make it all that much more sweeter when I defeat them at Outlast. Because plan? No plan? No matter what occurs, the end result will still be the same. Alan Wallace standing tall in the center of the ring, having successfully retained my UGWC World Heavyweight Championship. And would you like to know why, Ms. Malone?"
Roxy shakes her head in the affirmative, as Wallace slowly rises to his feet. Walking up to her, he looks down at her and smiles, her face immediately getting flush.
"Because I'm simply better than Jet Somers and Magdalena Lockheart, Ms. Malone. And when I prove it, again, at Outlast… what excuses will they have left?"
Vain lightly brushes an errant strand of hair from the face of Roxy Malone, and then slowly brushes past her, smiling at her reaction as he heads towards the door.
"Not to be rude, Ms. Malone, but if you wouldn't mind, I would like to take some time to clean myself up. And seeing as how Celeste likely would not approve of me cordially inviting you to join me, it would be best if you would take your leave now."
Roxy shakes her head in the affirmative, as she heads towards the door.
"It was a pleasure, as always, Ms. Malone."
Roxy steps past Vain, momentarily stopping and looking up into his eyes, before continuing out the door. As Vain begins to shut the door, she whirls around with one last question.
"So Alan, if the loss didn't bother you, why did it sound as if you were tearing things apart in here a few moments ago?"
The smile on Vain's face falters, as he sadly shakes his head back and forth.
"Due to the embarrassment. Did you see how poor of an effort my proxy gave when attempting the 'Money Maker'? That is what I've been paying good money for over the last five years? It's utterly ridiculous!"
With that, Wallace slams the door shut, as Roxy Malone lets out a soft giggle. The voice of Wallace is heard from within the locker room.
"I HEARD THAT, MS. MALONE!"
================
Wednesday, September 19, 2018: Miami, Florida - Wallace/Worth Estates
Having washed his hands after relieving himself, Simon Wellington exits the first floor restroom, quietly closing the door behind him. Slowly, he makes his way down the hall, a stern look upon his face as plays how he will broach this subject to Vain back and forth in his mind. He stops short of entering the kitchen, his eyes growing wide at what he sees before him.
'Vain' Alan Wallace stands with his back to the doorway that Simon stands silently in, his head slightly tilted back, and his hands resting on his hips. Kneeled down before him is who Simon can only surmise is Celeste Worth, due to only being able to see a small bit of her deep blonde hair. Simon begins mouthing the word 'No' to himself repeatedly, as he hears Vain sigh.
"It looks amazing, doesn't it? I mean, truly. Don't get me wrong, my dear… I always knew it was something special, but for some reason, it really stands out today. And I have to say that it looks spectacular."
Simon winces at the words of his client, covering his mouth with his hand as he hears a slurping sound.
"It looks fantastic, Alan. I hate to admit it, because I know it will make your head swell even more than it already is, but it truly does. Truth be told, it took me slightly off-guard."
Vain chuckles as he looks down at the kneeling Candi.
"And why would it do something like that, babe? It's not like you haven't seen it before."
Another slurp, and it's at this point that Simon appears to be to the point of vomiting.
"It's just so… heavy. I never really noticed the weight of it before, even with all the times I've had it in my hands. It's just… flabbergasting."
"Ah ah ah, dear Celeste… let us not forget that you were the one who suggested that it could use a good polishing."
Simon has had enough, and he barges into the kitchen.
"You two are ridiculous! I was gone, maybe three or four minutes… and this is what I come back to? This is where food is prepared, Alan! Have you two no dignity, or respect?!"
Having just yelled at his employer louder than he ever has before, he is more than prepared for Vain to retaliate as he steps up beside where Vain stands. He gazes upon both of them.
Vain stands with his hands still on his hips, his rope open, and is wearing his UGWC World Championship around his waist. Kneeling before him, with a lollipop in her mouth, Celeste Worth is vigorously rubbing the title belt with a white rag.
"What in the bluest of all Hells are you talking about, Simon? What is wrong with you?"
Simon lowers his head sheepishly, figuratively choking on his own words, as Celeste slowly rises to her feet.
"Well? Out with it, Mr. Wellington. What are you going on about?"
Simon attempts to formulate a coherent sentence. He fails.
"Well, I… you see… standing back there… you two… it looked… I mean…"
Both Alan and Celeste appear to simultaneously understand what he is attempting to say, with their reactions being polar opposites. Vain's sudden realization results in a bemused look appearing on his face, and then a slight chuckle, before he half-shrugs his shoulders and mouths 'maybe next time' to no one in particular. Celeste's sudden realization results in an enraged look appearing on her face, and she flings the lollipop at Simon Wellington.
"You seriously thought… oh, you sick sonofabitch! As if… that… would happen when we have company! What kind of a lady do you think I am?!"
Simon isn't given the opportunity to respond, before Celeste Worth turns in a huff, and stomps out of the kitchen. She continues stomping down the hall, and then up the stairwell, the clack of her heels echoing throughout the entire first level of the home. Vain's look of bemusement quickly disappears.
"Things were going so well, and now I'm going to have to deal with that later, all because you woke up this morning and decided to become an idiot."
Simon stands in silence for a moment before looking up at Alan.
"You're welcome?"
Wallace glares at his advocate, obviously taken aback by Simon using one of his own catchphrases against him. Before he can find the words to speak, however, the head of Cynric the Crusader pops up from outside the open kitchen window, pressing his lips against the screen.
"Verify, thou charming yet nefarious prince, I beg of you to repudiate the statement mine ears did just hear him speak."
Alan and Simon both quickly glance in the direction of the window. Cynric gives Vain a nod of the head and a tip of the hat, and then merely glares at Simon, before he disappears just as quickly as he had appeared.
Alan and Simon look at one another in silence for a moment, before Alan speaks.
"Can you did that, sucka?"
"Don't ever say that again."
Vain bellows in laughter, putting Simon slightly at ease.
"As if you are the one to take advice from on what not to say? After what just occurred? Oh honey, no."
Simon begins to blush, even though Alan continues to laugh.
"I profusely apologize, Alan. It was just… from back there, it looked like… well… you know."[/i]
Alan reaches out and pats Simon on the cheek, looking down upon him almost as if he were a father disappointed in his son.
"I realize that I haven't always done the right thing in life, Simon… but do you honestly think I would stoop to something like that, with you paying us a visit? Do you honestly think I have such little self-control?"
Simon says nothing, instead just hanging his head is shame. Wallace allows his shame to hang over him for many moments before speaking again.
"Besides… it's Wednesday. That's her day of rest."
Simon's head shoots up, Vain standing there and smiling for a moment, before turning and heading towards the fridge.
"What is it that you wanted this evening anyway, Wellington? When you called earlier, I sensed an air of excitement in your voice. Something you wish to share?"
Simon's look changes immediately, from one of shame, to one of excitement.
"The shock of what I thought I was seeing almost caused me to forget. And this news, Alan… it will definitely make up for my buffoonery moments ago."
Having retrieved a water from the fridge, Vain shuts the fridge door and turns around. Leaning against the counter, he takes a long drink, before placing the bottle on the counter beside of him, and then motioning towards his advocate.
"Well then Mr. Wellington, let's hear it."
Simon excitedly walks up to Vain, speaking in a hushed tone.
"You know that… thing… that you and I have discussed multiple times over the last few years?"
"We have discussed many things over the years, Dear Simon… some of which I actually paid attention to. However, you're going to have to be more specific, I'm afraid."
"You know what I am speaking of, Alan. The thing that you most wish to try in life…"
Vain immediately tenses up, uncertainty etched on his face as he looks at his advocate.
"Look, I don't care what you think you thought you saw earlier… but we're just friends, Simon. I'm not sure what conversations y-"
"Oh good Lord, you're an asshole! I'm talking about what you want to try your hand at, to see if it is something you wish to pursue once your wrestling career is over."
Realization washes over Vain immediately, as he nervously begins to chuckle.
"I knew that. I was just having some fun with you."
Vain reaches over and grabs his bottle of water, draining the contents of it, Simon left shaking his head as Alan looks everywhere but at his friend and advocate.
"So… uhh… what about it?"
Now it's Simon's turn to chuckle.
"I'll pick you up bright and early tomorrow. You'll see."
With that, Simon turns and heads towards the door, grabbing his sunglasses off the counter, as Vain watches him questioningly.
================
Thursday, September 20, 2018 - Unknown Location
The car comes to a screeching halt, with Vain hurriedly exiting the vehicle, a look of exasperation as he turns back towards Simon, who is stepping around the front of the vehicle.
"Who in the hell taught you to drive, Simon Wellington? Roy Orbison?!
"Please, I drive perfectly fine."
"No, Simon. No you don't. Now I know why Reecie drove you everywhere when you employed him. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, you drive like Ms. di Dieu wrestles. Completely out of control."
"A tad bit of an overreaction, don't you think, Alan?"
Vain huffs loudly, quickly turning away and gazing upon the indiscriminately-marked building that stands before him. His upper lip curls in disgust.
"Were I to know I'd be visiting a place where I will likely contract Hep-C, I'd have stayed in bed this morning, Simon."
"Always so dramatic. How does Ms. Worth ever put up with you when you're like this?"
"Simple. I put a hurting on the pu-"
"WHOA! NO NO! Don't want to hear that, Alan."
"You're the one who asked, Simon. Now what in God's name are we doing here?"
"Just follow me. Trust me, you're going to love it."
Simon begins making his way towards the main entrance. Vain stands there for a moment, slightly shaking his head back and forth.
"He's exactly one staph infection from getting fired. I swear to Chr-"
"Come on, Alan! Time is money!"
Vain stammers, uncertain whether to follow his advocate or not. He finally relents, hanging his head as he slowly makes his way towards the entrance, kicking at every imaginary pile of dirt and rock that he comes across.
Vain and Simon are having small talk in a small room decorated only with one wooden chair, and a picture of a meadow on the nearest wall. Vain takes not of the picture.
"Ugh, that looks so… magoo. Sweet Lord, it's so boring and drab. Zane Scott painted this, didn't he?"
"Forget about the painting, Alan. You need to be at the top of your game right now. Your future could very well depend on it."
"My future could depend on what, Simon? You haven't told me anything about what we are doing here?!"
Before Simon can respond, the door opens, and in walks a bespectacled man of slight stature, holding a lone manila envelope. Smiling, he hands it to Alan.
"Mr. Wallace, here is your material. Please familiarize yourself with its contents as quickly as possible. There are only three people left before you're up."
With that, the man turns and makes his leave, disappearing through the door as quickly as he had appeared. Vain looks at the envelope, and then back to Simon.
"What the fuck is this place, Simon?"
"The key to your future, Alan Wallace."
"Are you sure about this, Simon. I look like an idiot."
"Just go and be yourself, Alan. You'll be a natural at it."
Taking a deep breath, Vain exhales loudly, and then turns the knob of the door before him. Opening it, he walks through, bright lights shining down upon him. He sports a wig of long brown hair, stringy, and appearing to be wet. A faux beard has been horribly applied to his face, and he has two paper title belts, both colored gold, with one 'draped' over each should. He walks to center stage, taking his place on the red 'X' that has been taped to the floor. The lights shining down on him blind him to the point where he is unable to see who is in the crowd, so he is unaware of who it is that begins speaking.
"Auditions for the independent short film 'Best in the World: Why I rise' continue; Wallace, comma, Alan, reading for the part of Zane Scott. Marker!"
Vain hears the call for action, his mind racing as he attempts to remember the haphazardly written lines that he had to speed-read through over the course of the last thirty minutes. He and Simon had often spoken about Vain possibly breaking into acting at some point in his life, he had just hoped he'd have a bit more time to prepare. Yet, the show must go on, right?
"Shit…"
He realizes he has been silent for going on thirty seconds. Not a good start to this entire thing, and each moment he stands here making an ass of himself, the worse his chances. And though Simon hadn't even hinted at what this reading was for, he knew that his advocate had gone to great lengths to get him this audition. He had to at least try.
"In spite of everything he has said and done over recent months…" He says with a slight shake of his head. "I do respect Alan Wallace."
"Even if he doesn't deserve it."
He smirks.
"While I am aware of the man that he has been, and the shadow of that same man that he currently happens to be…" He says, as he takes a few steps to the left, envisioning Donovan Hastings seated before him. "He isn't half the man that I am now. How could he be?"
He pauses for effect, and then smirks.
"Everyone knows the type of champion I have been…" He begins, rubbing his fake beard for dramatic effect. "I'm not the only triple champion in UGWC history for no reason."
"Even if Alan disagrees."
'Zane' shakes his head.
"At Outlast I prove my superiority…" He states emphatically. "I prove that Donovan putting his trust in me wasn't for nothing. I prove th-"
"CUT!"
Confused, Vain attempts to shield his eyes, to see who may have yelled cut in the middle of his monologue.
"Cut? Seriously? I was nailing it! That was pure gold!"
The unseen man - likely the director - speaks back.
Director: "Sorry Vain. You were saying all of the right words, but there was no fire there. No conviction. No 'oomph'! That was, frankly, boring."
"That's Zane Scott!"
Director: "Even if I agree with you, I'm just not feeling it. Take five to get changed, and we'll continue."
"This might be more difficult than I thought…"
~~~
"You'll be fine, I'm telling you. You've got the jitters worked out now, you'll be fine, now go get 'em, champ!"
Simon walks off the stage, as Vain turns and makes his way back to his mark. The same voice from before bellows out once more.
"Auditions for the independent short film 'Best in the World: Why I rise' continue; Wallace, comma, Alan, reading for the part of Konrad Raab. Marker!"
"And ACTION!"
Vain is already perturbed at having to read for the part of Raab, for two main reasons: He doesn't look homeless, and he hates the fact that he has to sport this godforsaken mask that smells of stale Cheetos and halitosis. Why anyone would want to cover up this beautiful face of his, even if it is to play the part of a low-carder, is beyond him. But he powers on as best he can.
'Konrad': "I know that people don't expect much of me but I don't take offence to that because I know what it is I can do in that ring it's what I have always done in that ring ever since I first started wrestling back in Germany which is the greatest country in the world and one that I strive to bring honor and respect to each time I fight. I've done a lot of things I regret over the years I've been a bad guy probably one of the worst guys to ever compete and I took advantage of everyone I could and I didn't care but as I've gotten older I realize I do care now so I had to find a way to keep from letting my anger get the better of me so I did the only thing I knew to do to become the best ever seen and I started smoking weed."
Vain immediately tears the mask off, dry-heaving a few times, before throwing the mask off the stage.
"As much as I'd enjoy getting a part in this film, I can't in good conscience continue with this audition. Not in that freaking rank mask. Where in the hell did you get that damn thing, anyway? It stinks to high hell."
The director speaks.
Director: "If I'm not mistaken, I believe it was one of Raab's own masks. Not sure how we got it, but it doesn't matter. He was probably high anyway and doesn't remember."
Vain contemplates for a moment before offering an aside.
"Makes sense as to why he speaks so fast and so much, then. He can barely stand his own breath. Pity."
Vain motions out to those he still is unable to see.
"Let's call Raab a rap. I'll be back in five."
~~~
"Auditions for the independent short film 'Best in the World: Why I rise' continue; Wallace, comma, Alan, reading for the part of Travis Pierce. Marker!"
And ACTION!
The stage is empty, mild chattering coming from those in attendance. After a few moments, Vain sticks his head out through the curtain.
"And the truth… hurts."
As quickly as he had popped his head through the curtain, he disappears again, and the hushed conversation grows louder.
"CUT!"
Vain steps back through the curtain, a confused look on his face.
"What seems to be the problem? I felt with this part of the audition, I'd attempt to completely engross myself into the character. And, if I must say, I think I pulled it off exquisitely."
Simon's voice is heard from off the side of the stage.
"How could you possibly feel that was pulled off exquisitely? Did the marijuana fumes from Raab's mask take effect that quickly?"
"What are you talking about, Simon? You said yourself that I needed to 'feel' the character. Whatever that means. So that's what I did. I envisioned Pierce preparing to host his mindless talk show, but realizing right before he went on air that his three fans had gotten stuck in traffic. Not to be deterred, however, he planned to hold the show anyway… but upon further self-reflection, he realized that nobody ever knew if his show was airing or not, because nobody cares. And that realization… that truth… well, to put it mildly, it hurts."
His explanation is met with complete silence, leaving him shaking his head in disbelief.
"Oh, come on! That's an Oscar-worthy performance if I've ever seen one!"
"NEXT!"
"Oh for crying out loud…"
~~~
"Auditions for the independent short film 'Best in the World: Why I rise' continue; Wallace, comma, Alan, reading for the part of Roxy Cotton. Marker!"
"And ACTION!"
Vain sports a gorgeous blonde wig, and a body suit that hugs him in all the - ahem - 'right' places. He stops chomping on his gum long enough to blow a large bubble, the size of which causes it to burst, blowing back in his face, and sticking to his lips, his chin, and even on his nose and just under his eyes. He giggles devilishly.
"And to think, that isn't the worst thing that has been blown forcefully into my face toda-"
"CUT!"
"Dammit!"
Vain turns and stomps towards the curtain, disappearing through it.
~~~
"Auditions for the independent short film 'Best in the World: Why I rise' continue; Wallace, comma, Alan, reading for the part of Necron. Marker!"
"And ACTION!"
The lights go dark, and an eerie fog slowly begins to waft along the edges of the stage. As the sound of an organ plays, the curtains are thrown violently back, and Vain slowly walks through, his face shielding by the large hat that he wears on his head.
Simon quickly runs up beside him, yelling.
"NO! NO! NO! GIMMICK INFRINGEMENT! I CAN'T AFFORD TO BE SUED!"
"What are you blabbering about now, Wellington? You said he was a dead man. How does this not fit that description?"
"I said he was a dead man, Alan… not the Dead Man. Come on!"
Simon begins forcefully shoving Vain back through the curtain, as the director begins losing his patience.
Director: "Jesus Fucking Christ, CUT!"
One of the stagehands begins laughing as he questions what the director just said.
"I dunno, dude… can you actually call 'cut' when the shit never even started?"
Director: "FUCKING SHIT!"
~~~
"Auditions for the independent short film 'Best in the World: Why I rise' continue; Wallace, comma, Alan, reading for the part of Cazador. Marker!"
"And ACTION!"
The stage is empty once more. The director sounds as if he is in need of some coffee.
Director: "What in the titty-fucking shit… where the fuck is he at now?
The same stagehands voice utters a response.
"He didn't show up. Honestly, that's a perfect representation of Cazador."
~~~
"Auditions for the independent short film 'Best in the World: Why I rise' continue; Wallace, comma, Alan, reading for the part of Le Bord di Dieu. Marker!"
"And ACTION!"
Vain stands there, wig slightly disheveled, a wild look on his face. He then screams.
CUT!
"I thought I had that one for sure."
~~~
"Auditions for the independent short film 'Best in the World: Why I rise' continue; Wallace, comma, Alan, reading for the part of Fauxovan Hasteboard. Marker!"
And ACTION!
Vain slowly walks out to the stage, carrying something under his arm. Approaching the red 'X', he takes the object and sets it down on the floor. It's FauxVain. The real Alan Wallace then turns and disappears back behind the curtain.
Director: "Is he trying to give me a stroke? Because I think it's fucking working!"
The stagehand inadvertently turns on the wind machine, the force of which blows FauxVain over.
Director: "GODDAMIT, CUT!"
~~~
"Auditions for the independent short film 'Best in the World: Why I rise' continue; Wallace, comma, Alan, reading for the part of Captain 80s. Marker!"
"And ACTION!"
Vain bursts through the curtain, tassels tightly tied around his biceps. With a glossy look to his eyes, he looks up towards the ceiling, staring out into his great beyond.
Vain begins coughing harshly, the extended yelling in which he is delivering his lines causing his voice to falter. He holds up his hand, bending at the waist as he continues coughing deeply. Finally, the coughing spell subsides.
"My apologies. Doing that impersonation is definitely harder than it looks."
Director: "No, that's quite alright. I… I think I might need a break. Somehow… I'm moist."
The stagehand again chimes in with a sarcastic response.
"Yeah dude, now you know how Roxy feels when she sees him."
Director: "Yeah, I'm going to need at least ten minutes. CUT!"
~~~
"Auditions for the independent short film 'Best in the World: Why I rise' continue; Wallace, comma, Alan, reading for the part of Kenzi Grey-Lacklan. Marker!"
"And ACTION!"
A television stand is resting at center stage, the tv situated at the top flickering on, to showcase the beginning of one of the 'features' starring Gabrielle Montgomery, with a special 'Thanks for Everything' credit mentioning Kenzi Grey-Lacklan at the very beginning. Once the presentation begins, and various orifices begin being 'stuffed', the stagehand speaks up.
"Yo, Director Dude… I think I'm gonna need about twenty minutes alone. Minimum."
Director: "MOTHERFUCKER! CUT!"
~~~
"Auditions for the independent short film 'Best in the World: Why I rise' continue; Wallace, comma, Alan, reading for the part of Kem Dynamo. Marker!"
"And ACTION!"
Vain is dressed in a frumpy set of women's wrestling attire, and is pushing a chalkboard towards center stage.
"Oh Dear God in Heaven…"
Vain positions the chalkboard just right, and then picks up the lone piece of chalk that he brought out with it. The director speaks up.
Director: "I'm almost afraid to ask… but what are you doing now, Mr. Wallace?"
I am a Dynamo, thank you very much. And what I am bringing to you today are the 'Top 500 Reasons Why Kem Dynamo is the Best in the World', which I will then parlay into a slew of algebraic equations that show everyone why it's ultimately in everyone's best interests to be nice to each other on Twitter, and then I will conduct a thirty-minute seminar on how the two of those things correlate to prove that Kem Dynamo will be the one to RISE!
Director: "Fuck, and No. Talk about a big waste of time. CUT!!"
"Did you just fat-shame my presentation? I worked so hard on it, too…"
Director: "Lucio, please cancel my dinner reservations. I have a feeling we are going to be here for a while…"
~~~
"Auditions for the independent short film 'Best in the World: Why I rise' continue; Wallace, comma, Alan, reading for the part of Rogan MacLean. Marker!"
"And ACTION!"
"A far-out story, a representation of sorts of our current standing in this world. Nonsensical analogies. Reasons for my absence. Blame laid at the feet of anyone other than myself. Multiple references to Jase. Ichabod. Gabriel Baal. Too man-"
Director: "Alan… none of that is in the script. What are you doing?"
"If I'm being perfectly honest, my good man, I'm just reciting how I believe the thought process is for Mr. MacLean, when he plans out his aired promos. And, truth be told, I've always been horrid at all of that conceptual nonsense."
"CUT!"
~~~
"Auditions for the independent short film 'Best in the World: Why I rise' continue; Wallace, comma, Alan, reading for the part of Lucky. Marker!"
"And ACTION!"
Vain walks out onto the stage, wearing a rinky-dink biker cut that's three sizes too small. A ball gag is in place, and in his right hand he carries a whip. Taking his place on the 'X', he looks out into the blinding light, and just stands there. Many moments of silence pass, before the director finally speaks up.
Director: "Are you going to do anything as Lucky, Alan?"
Vain reaches back and unlatches the ball gag, pulling it from his mouth.
"I just did as much as Mr. Durden has done the last three years. Besides that, I'm just patiently waiting to see who will play the part of Jettinia. I brought her favorite whip, and her strap-on-"
"CUT!!!"
"Well that was rude…"
~~~
"Auditions for the independent short film 'Best in the World: Why I rise' continue; Wallace, comma, Alan, reading for the part of Annie Fugate. Marker!"
"And ACTION!"
Vain steps through the curtain wearing a bright red wig, and makes his way to center stage. He opens his mouth to begin… but immediately takes the wig off.
"This one is a negative, Ghost Rider. Attempting to emulate Ms. Fugate will undoubtedly give me nightmares for weeks."
He turns and immediately begins making his way back towards the curtain. Flinging it open, he turns and looks back over his shoulder.
"Next up is Ms. Blackwell, correct?"
The director, nearing his wits end, begins tearing through his papers.
Director: "Yes! The audition for the role of Elizabeth Blackwell is next."
Vain thinks to himself for a moment, and then responds.
"Yeah, you can go ahead and begin petting the nope cat on that one, too. Thanks."
Vain disappears through the curtain, as a seething director glares over at Simon Wellington.
Director: "FUCK! SHIT! MOTHER! WHORE! CUT! CUT! FUCKING CUT!"
Simon slides down ever so slightly in his seat, hanging his head in shame.
~~~
"Auditions for the independent short film 'Best in the World: Why I rise' continue; Wallace, comma, Alan, reading for the part of Jet Somers. Marker!"
"And ACTION!"
Vain steps through the curtain, his soccer-mom-style wig perfectly in place. Taking his place at center stage, the stagehand kicks on the wind machine, and 'Jet' stands there smiling, his flowing locks dancing in the wind.
Director: "That… that actually isn't bad. Let's keep this one out for a second look. NEXT!"
"And to think, had I left the wig in the back, I would have totally nailed this part. Live and learn, I suppose. Would that make me 'The Learning Weapon', Simon?"
Simon says nothing, simply preferring to lean forward in his seat, burying his face in his hands.
~~~
"Auditions for the independent short film 'Best in the World: Why I rise' continue; Wallace, comma, Alan, reading for the part of Mizore Payne. Marker!"
"And ACTION!"
Vain walks out and says nothing. Holding a poster board high overhead, he slowly walks to center stage. The poster board reads:
Muttering complaining is heard, as Vain turns and disappears back through the curtain.
"CUT!!"
~~~
"Auditions for the independent short film 'Best in the World: Why I rise' continue; Wallace, comma, Alan, reading for the part of Angelica Vaughn. Marker!"
"And ACTION!"
Vain bursts through the curtain, dressed modestly in a skirt suit, the skirt portion at kneecap level. He skips towards center stage. He begins hash tagging with his fingers as he speaks. Like this:
"#CoolKids… #CooperativeChampion… #BarkonTwitterafterheadinjuries… #TeamingwithRydellisRuff."
Director: "You know nothing about Angelica Vaughn outside of what you've seen on Twitter, do you, Alan?"
"Just call me Jon Snow."
'CUT!!"
~~
"Auditions for the independent short film 'Best in the World: Why I rise' continue; Wallace, comma, Alan, reading for the part of Phrixus Deimos. Marker!"
"And ACTION!"
Vain walks through the curtain, taking his place at center stage, as he opens up what looks to be a journal. Before he can do anything else…
"CUT!"
"Wait… what did I do this time? I never said anything."
Director: "You have already proven that you make a remarkable Phrixus Deimos, Alan. There's simply no reason to do so again."
"Does that mean I got the part?"
Director: "Unfortunately, no, it does not."
"That makes absolutely no sense, Robert. Explain that decision, please!"
Director: "It simply wouldn't be fair for Phrixus Deimos to have to witness yet again that Alan is a better 'Fear' than 'Fear' is. Words hurt… even in written form."
"Valid point is valid."
~~~
"Auditions for the independent short film 'Best in the World: Why I rise' continue; Wallace, comma, Alan, reading for the part of Lucy Wylde. Marker!"
"And ACTION!"
Vain is already at center stage, laying on a couch that the stagehand set up during the break.
"All of the things that I have been through, and yet still I will rise. No matter what I've seen, who I've loved, or who I've lost, there is nothing that will keep me from my destiny. There is nothing that will keep me from ascending to the top where I belong. There is nothing that will keep me from being the best at what I do."
Director: "Not bad, Alan."
"There really isn't much that I wish to needle Ms. Wylde over, frankly. I respect what she brings to this industry, and she's a hell of a talent. And I will just leave it at that."
Director: "I can respect that, Alan."
"Excellent. Tell me, can I quickly change to the greyish-silver wig, and we can pretend that I said the exact same thing as before, but only this time in a more sinister tone? You know, because 'bad-ass' now, and all that?"
"CUT!"
~~~
"Auditions for the independent short film 'Best in the World: Why I rise' continue; Wallace, comma, Alan, reading for the part of Dave Rydell. Marker!"
"And ACTION!"
Vain storms through the curtain, his wig of short blonde hair coming precariously close to fall off as he storms to center stage with his head mimicking that of a bobblehead doll. He begins yelling into the mic, and somewhere, Machine Gun Kelly immediately begins thinking of a new diss record to write.
'Dave': I told everyone. I told everyone I would be a champion, and look at me now. One-half the Cooperative Champions with that Angie broad. Just like I said. And I'm gonna win Outlast, just like I said. And then I've gonna beat Wallace for the Cross-Hemisphere Title, just like I said. And there ain't nothing any of you can do about it!"
The director interrupts Alan.
Director: "You do realize that Dave Rydell no longer has that appearance, right?"
"What? Really? Shut the front door!"
"Come on, Alan… you knew that."
"I did?"
"Seriously?"
"You do realize that I only concern myself with those that are consequential to my own well-being, right? Dave Rydell does not fall into that category."
As he finishes his statement, his blonde wig falls to the floor, showcasing a flesh-colored molding of rubber that makes him appear to be bald. He smiles.
"Or maybe I just enjoy tormenting the lot of you."
Director: "GODDAMMIT FUCKING CUT!"
~~~
"Auditions for the independent short film 'Best in the World: Why I rise' continue; Wallace, comma, Alan, reading for the part of Sarah Selena Lacklan. Marker!"
"And ACTION!"
The Legion of Interns have totes been dropping the ball lately, and with Outlast being Ubes the event that everyone is talking about, changes might need to be made. Obvs. N-E-Ways, there are some that probs think someone like my dear Auntie… maybe Nekkie… possibly even the Gabster himself might be poised to win the event and become the NEW World Champ, and I think those Dee Dums are totes adorbs. Ser. Because it means that you people legit have a wild imagination. And who doesn't abs love that, amirite?
The stagehand walks over, standing in the aisle between where Simon is seated, and where the Director is possibly having an coronary episode.
"Yo dudes… is anyone else kinda scared right now?"
"You read my mind."
Director: "Ditto"
"CUT!"
"At this point, I don't know what you people want."
~~~
"Auditions for the independent short film 'Best in the World: Why I rise' continue; Wallace, comma, Alan, reading for the part of Eden Morgan. Marker!"
"And ACTION!"
Vain slowly, and somewhat seductively, walks through the curtain, sauntering towards the center stage area.
"It's amusing to think that Alan has built up this reputation of being some sort of unstoppable force," 'she' says, as 'she' slowly wraps her fingers around the microphone and gives out a sultry, pouty look. "It isn't as if he hasn't been beaten at Outlast before. By me. Twice. In the same night."
The director interrupts.
Director: "Say Alan… what is it that is dragging behind you on the floor?"
Alan looks confused for a moment, before suddenly realizing what the question is in reference to. He quickly turns, grabbing the object and jerking it off the floor. He places it beside of him… FauxVain.
"My apologies, as I should have divulged my costar for this scene. FauxVain will be playing the role of Gabriel Baal. Fitting, wouldn't you say?"
Director: "And, just how is that fitting for this scene?"
"Well, in my estimation, Ms. Morgan cannot go anywhere without Mr. Baal being firmly entrenched in her posterior. And if you want this performance to be completely authentic…"
Director: "That's it, I've over this nonsense. Fucking CUT!"
The director hastily rises to his feet, knocking all of his paperwork, as well as his cup of coffee, to the floor. He begins to berate the amused Vain.
Director: "You have done nothing but waste my fucking time here tonight, Alan Wallace, and I've had quite fucking enough of it!"
"You know something, you're right…"
Vain flings FauxVain to the floor, and then tears off his Eden Morgan wig and throws it into the directors face.
"I was dragged here without knowing what was exactly going on, and then you expect me to parade around here pretending to be people that are beneath me?! What gall, you have, you bastard! You have the single greatest entertainment professional in the world today at your disposal, and you attempt to sully him with your idiocy? What gives you the fucking right?"
Vain has hopped down from the stage, and his nose is mere inches away from that of the director. Simon attempts to calm the situation.
"Alan, come on. Let's just get out of here. This close to Outlast, possible jail time for assault simply isn't worth it."
Director: "No no, I am quite enjoying this. This is the best performance I've seen from you all night. Congratulations! You got the part!"
The director turns and begins heading up the aisle, as Vain looks at Simon in confusion. Simon shrugs, as the director stops and turns back towards them.
"Besides, my film is actually entitled 'Best in the World: The continued Rise of 'Vain' Alan Wallace. And you're perfect for the part! I'll have my people contact your people!"
The director bursts through the doors, as Alan slowly turns towards Simon.
"What in the hell just happened here?"
"I… I think you got the role."
The two men look at one another, Vain growing increasingly more angry with each passing second. Simon, stupidly, speaks.
"You're welcome?"
================
Monday, September 24, 2018 - Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania: PPG Paints Arena - UGWC Outlast
The camera feed flickers to life, showing 'Vain' Alan Wallace standing in his locker room, mere moments before the UGWC Outlast pay per view event is slated to begin. He looks determined… focused… as he stares into the camera.
"Simon has told me that, according to the experts in Vegas at least, the odds of me retaining my World Championship here tonight are astronomically low. He has told me that, outside of my most rabid fans, there is absolutely nobody that thinks I can fend off the efforts of the talent employed by this company and keep what is mine. He has told me that most of you feel as if my quest to do what nobody in history has ever done - successfully defend the UGWC World Title at the Outlast event on two separate occasions - is little more than a wishful pipe dream of a deranged and out-of-touch man."
"When will you people realize that it's never a good idea to bet against Alan Wallace?"
"It isn't that the talent within this company isn't at an all-time high, because as loathe as I am to admit that fact, fact is exactly what it is. There are countless individuals that are more than capable of leaving this arena tonight as the new UGWC World Champion. Former World Champions like Jet Somers, Zane Scott, Lucy Wylde, and Eden Morgan; former Cross-Hemisphere Champions like Phrixus Deimos and Gabriel Baal; any one of the #CoolKids; former Wrestlestock Open winners such as Sarah Lacklan, Kem Dynamo, and Kenzi Grey-Lacklan; hell, even the rejuvenated Dave Rydell, as well as the likes of Necron and Le Bord. Any single one of them has the talent to become the NEW UGWC World Champion, and go on to represent the company to the best of their abilities."
"Too bad they won't."
"Because for as much as any one of them yearns to win this World Championship… my yearning to keep what is mine is ten times greater. Because while I may pride myself on being the best wrestler that this industry has ever seen, I also realize that to this point, I have wrestled longer than the time I have left to wrestle. The one opponent that all of us will eventually fall to is Father Time. It will come for all of us before we want it to. Even 'Yours Truly'."
"But that time isn't tonight. Not for Alan Wallace."
"I have too much left to prove; to the veterans who are jealous of the fame and notoriety that I still possess, to the younger stars who feel it is time I step aside. To the powers-that-be that would much prefer a Yes-Man to take my position, to the fans who are more enamored with flashy ring attire and snappy entrance music, as opposed to preferring to see great wrestling."
"Some of you might question, after all the success I have had over the years, why it seems as if I am never happy with my standing. And for anyone who has any semblance of intelligence, it's quite simple. Those with low expectations can expect subpar results."
"And there is nothing subpar about 'Vain' Alan Wallace."
"Some of you might wonder why I set the expectations for myself that I do, and it's because I know that no matter how great I am, or how great I become, I know that I will never live up to the expectations that I set for myself… but damn if I won't try to the best of my ability. And because of that, everyone associated with the wrestling industry will reap the benefits far longer than I will be an active competitor."
"Everyone I meet in that ring will be forced to raise their own expectations, if they ever hope to defeat me and keep me down. And when that happens, night in and night out… month in and month out… every single person that I meet in that ring ultimately keeps getting better and better themselves. And at some point, this company… hell, this industry… will finally prove that they can stand on their own, without being propped up my me."
"Unfortunately, that point will not come tonight."
"I expect everyone to give me their best shot. I expect everyone to go into this match thinking they have what it takes to outlast the entire company, and be the lone member left standing at the end of the night. But therein lies the difference between 'Vain' Alan Wallace and everyone else. They all think they have what it takes to reign victorious here tonight. I know I do."
"So to the other members of the UGWC active roster, I am throwing down the gauntlet. Do what you say you can do, even though deep down, you question whether you're being honest with yourselves. Do what all of my naysayers claim will be a certainty, even though they speak out of both sides of their mouths. Do what the Consortium prays will occur, even though they know that where Vain goes, so too goes the money. Pin 'The Vain One' for the one, two, three… and raise that UGWC World Title high in the air. And most importantly…"
"Prove me wrong."
FIN
Loud banging, followed by a huge crash, is heard coming from within the locker room that Vain has taken refuge in. A smattering of curse words is then heard from the normally well-mannered Alan Wallace, causing Roxy Malone to blush as she nears the door. Hesitating for a moment, she finally drums up the nerve to raise her arm, knocking on the door, before taking a step back. The door flies open, a red-faced Vain standing before her, the vein in his forehead pulsating, as he breathes heavily.
"What?!
It seems as though Vain wasn't even aware of who was at his door until after he yelled loud enough for the entirety of the backstage area to hear him. Seeing that it is Roxy Malone standing before him, the enraged look on his face begins to soften, and he visibly begins attempt to steady his breathing, in an attempt to calm down.
"Ms. Malone… my apologies for how rudely I answered the door."
Roxy half-smiles at him, before looking back down at the floor.
"No, I understand, Alan. Tonight obviously didn't go as planned."
"You can say that again. And what makes matters worse is that these ingrates around here didn't lift a finger to help. After everything I've done for all of you?! You make me sick!"
Having yelled the last two sentences, he turns in a huff and storms back into the locker room, leaving the door open. Roxy stands there for a moment, before stepping through the doorway. Vain is now seated on a chair on the other side of the room, wiping the sweat from his face with what looks to be a freshly-laundered towel.
"Alan, I hope you don't mind my intrusion, but I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions?"
Vain looks up at her, and for a moment, he looked as if he was going to begin yelling again. Instead he sighs, leaning back on his seat, and looking back up at Roxy Malone.
"It would be my pleasure, Ms. Malone. Any time that I can be graced with your presence, it's a privilege, and an honor."
Roxy blushes again. She understands that as a journalist, she has to remain impartial, but it's hard to do so when the silver-tongued Alan Wallace is verbally working his magic. Still, she has a job to do.
"Your match tonight, Alan… everyone saw that it didn't go to your liking. How does that affect your mindset heading into Outlast?"
Vain smiles sweetly at her, as he tosses the towel down beside of him.
"It doesn't affect me at all, to be perfectly honest."
The remark catches Roxy off-guard, and Vain begins to chuckle as he takes note of it.
"As much as maybe it should affect my train of thought as I move towards my biggest night to date, the result of tonight's match honestly has no effect on how I go into Outlast. It's meaningless."
"I'm confused, Alan. You were just beaten by two people who have both made it extremely well-known that they are gunning for you, with both of them eyeing the Cross-Hemisphere Championship that you currently hold. I would imagine that a World Championship win over you would be all the more sweeter, and we witnessed here tonight that they have what it takes to defeat you in a match. How could that not weigh on your mind, even if only just a little bit?"
Vain begins to chuckle, with that chuckle quickly forming into a full-fledged, throaty laugh. Roxy begins to grow defensive, crossing her arms over her chest as she watches Vain bust a gut. Finally, he begins to control himself.
"I'm sorry, Ms. Malone. I didn't mean to laugh, because I know you take this business seriously. And you are one of the few reporters that I genuinely respect within this company. However, I find everything you just said to be hysterical."
"And why is that, Alan?"
"Well, for starters, it's just Synergy. Whether I win or lose on Synergy is irrelevant, because even Dave Rydell wins from time to time on Synergy. Hell, he could possibly win later on tonight, and become one-half of the new Cooperative Champions. And in the grand scheme of things, where does Dave Rydell rank in the hierarchy of wrestling greatness?"
Roxy doesn't verbally answer the question, but then again, she doesn't have too. Her answer is written all over her face. And it causes Vain to smile.
"Exactly. So as I was saying, what transpires on Synergy is effectively meaningless. Besides that, I didn't lose the match here tonight, much to the dismay of Mr. Somers and Ms. Lockheart, I'm sure."
A look of confusion forms on the face of Roxy, as she attempts to decipher how Vain could come to that conclusion.
"While I normally do not disagree with you Alan, everyone here tonight saw you get pinned in the center of the ring. So I do not understand how you can sit here and make the statement that you didn't lose the match."
"It's quite simple, my dear. Once I left the ringside area, and my proxy entered into the match, he was then the legal cooperative partner of Elizabeth Blackwell. In fact, Glenn Burke made mention of that fact in the ring, and I'm sure that one of our beloved announcers did as well. Glenn the Proxy was the legal participant in the match. So while yes, you did witness my shoulders being pinned to the mat for a count of three, it was an unofficial count, as I was no longer the legal partner of Ms. Blackwell for that match. And I'm sure Ms. Lockheart was quite proud of herself for believing that she had gotten one up on 'Mr. Ego'. Poor Magdalena… always the bridesmaid, never the bride."
"Then why did Glenn Burke make the count at all?"
"Simply put? The man is an imbecile. There is a reason that he has mostly been relegated to #Chill duty since Hastings took over as the Creative Director. It's probably the best decision that Donovan has made since ascending to that position, if I am being completely honest."
"I'm sure that neither Jet Somers nor Magdalena Lockheart will view the situation the same as you do, Alan."
"Then that's their problem, Ms. Malone. 'Yours Truly' could not possibly care less what Jet Somers, Magdalena Lockheart, or any of my other supposed peers think when it comes to 'Vain' Alan Wallace. Their thoughts about how I conduct my business mean nothing to me, and if they could mean less than nothing, I'm sure they would."
"Well I do know that both Jet and Maggie set out to prove a point tonight, and to make an example of you. Do you feel they were successful in that endeavor?"
"And that endeavor would be what, Ms. Malone? Defeating an unofficial participant in a meaningless cooperative match, on freaking Synergy, in front of the thousands of peons that inhabit this godforsaken cesspool of a city? If that is the case, then yes, they undoubtedly were successful in their endeavors here tonight. And kudos to them for that. Maybe it will help alleviate the sting of both of them losing to me when it mattered most."
"Speaking of that, more specifically regarding your title defense against Jet Somers last week, both Jet and Maggie seemed to have taken issue with how you were able to retain your Cross-Hemisphere Championship against Jet Somers. They both felt, in their opinions, that it was the cowards way out of losing that match, and now they - along with many others - feel that nefarious means are what we are going to see each time that you are in a match. And tonight seems to validate that standpoint. Your thoughts?"
"They can believe what they want, Ms. Malone. They can make any assumption they wish. They can hypothesize that I only defeated Jet due to a loophole if they wish; they can assume each time I go out to that ring, that I'll have some underhanded, convoluted plan in place, in order to cheat whoever I am against out of a win, if they so choose. I hope they do. I want them to think they have everything figured out. I want them to think they have 'Vain' Alan Wallace on the ropes. I want them to think my back is against the wall. It will make it all that much more sweeter when I defeat them at Outlast. Because plan? No plan? No matter what occurs, the end result will still be the same. Alan Wallace standing tall in the center of the ring, having successfully retained my UGWC World Heavyweight Championship. And would you like to know why, Ms. Malone?"
Roxy shakes her head in the affirmative, as Wallace slowly rises to his feet. Walking up to her, he looks down at her and smiles, her face immediately getting flush.
"Because I'm simply better than Jet Somers and Magdalena Lockheart, Ms. Malone. And when I prove it, again, at Outlast… what excuses will they have left?"
Vain lightly brushes an errant strand of hair from the face of Roxy Malone, and then slowly brushes past her, smiling at her reaction as he heads towards the door.
"Not to be rude, Ms. Malone, but if you wouldn't mind, I would like to take some time to clean myself up. And seeing as how Celeste likely would not approve of me cordially inviting you to join me, it would be best if you would take your leave now."
Roxy shakes her head in the affirmative, as she heads towards the door.
"It was a pleasure, as always, Ms. Malone."
Roxy steps past Vain, momentarily stopping and looking up into his eyes, before continuing out the door. As Vain begins to shut the door, she whirls around with one last question.
"So Alan, if the loss didn't bother you, why did it sound as if you were tearing things apart in here a few moments ago?"
The smile on Vain's face falters, as he sadly shakes his head back and forth.
"Due to the embarrassment. Did you see how poor of an effort my proxy gave when attempting the 'Money Maker'? That is what I've been paying good money for over the last five years? It's utterly ridiculous!"
With that, Wallace slams the door shut, as Roxy Malone lets out a soft giggle. The voice of Wallace is heard from within the locker room.
"I HEARD THAT, MS. MALONE!"
================
Wednesday, September 19, 2018: Miami, Florida - Wallace/Worth Estates
Having washed his hands after relieving himself, Simon Wellington exits the first floor restroom, quietly closing the door behind him. Slowly, he makes his way down the hall, a stern look upon his face as plays how he will broach this subject to Vain back and forth in his mind. He stops short of entering the kitchen, his eyes growing wide at what he sees before him.
'Vain' Alan Wallace stands with his back to the doorway that Simon stands silently in, his head slightly tilted back, and his hands resting on his hips. Kneeled down before him is who Simon can only surmise is Celeste Worth, due to only being able to see a small bit of her deep blonde hair. Simon begins mouthing the word 'No' to himself repeatedly, as he hears Vain sigh.
"It looks amazing, doesn't it? I mean, truly. Don't get me wrong, my dear… I always knew it was something special, but for some reason, it really stands out today. And I have to say that it looks spectacular."
Simon winces at the words of his client, covering his mouth with his hand as he hears a slurping sound.
"It looks fantastic, Alan. I hate to admit it, because I know it will make your head swell even more than it already is, but it truly does. Truth be told, it took me slightly off-guard."
Vain chuckles as he looks down at the kneeling Candi.
"And why would it do something like that, babe? It's not like you haven't seen it before."
Another slurp, and it's at this point that Simon appears to be to the point of vomiting.
"It's just so… heavy. I never really noticed the weight of it before, even with all the times I've had it in my hands. It's just… flabbergasting."
"Ah ah ah, dear Celeste… let us not forget that you were the one who suggested that it could use a good polishing."
Simon has had enough, and he barges into the kitchen.
"You two are ridiculous! I was gone, maybe three or four minutes… and this is what I come back to? This is where food is prepared, Alan! Have you two no dignity, or respect?!"
Having just yelled at his employer louder than he ever has before, he is more than prepared for Vain to retaliate as he steps up beside where Vain stands. He gazes upon both of them.
Vain stands with his hands still on his hips, his rope open, and is wearing his UGWC World Championship around his waist. Kneeling before him, with a lollipop in her mouth, Celeste Worth is vigorously rubbing the title belt with a white rag.
"What in the bluest of all Hells are you talking about, Simon? What is wrong with you?"
Simon lowers his head sheepishly, figuratively choking on his own words, as Celeste slowly rises to her feet.
"Well? Out with it, Mr. Wellington. What are you going on about?"
Simon attempts to formulate a coherent sentence. He fails.
"Well, I… you see… standing back there… you two… it looked… I mean…"
Both Alan and Celeste appear to simultaneously understand what he is attempting to say, with their reactions being polar opposites. Vain's sudden realization results in a bemused look appearing on his face, and then a slight chuckle, before he half-shrugs his shoulders and mouths 'maybe next time' to no one in particular. Celeste's sudden realization results in an enraged look appearing on her face, and she flings the lollipop at Simon Wellington.
"You seriously thought… oh, you sick sonofabitch! As if… that… would happen when we have company! What kind of a lady do you think I am?!"
Simon isn't given the opportunity to respond, before Celeste Worth turns in a huff, and stomps out of the kitchen. She continues stomping down the hall, and then up the stairwell, the clack of her heels echoing throughout the entire first level of the home. Vain's look of bemusement quickly disappears.
"Things were going so well, and now I'm going to have to deal with that later, all because you woke up this morning and decided to become an idiot."
Simon stands in silence for a moment before looking up at Alan.
"You're welcome?"
Wallace glares at his advocate, obviously taken aback by Simon using one of his own catchphrases against him. Before he can find the words to speak, however, the head of Cynric the Crusader pops up from outside the open kitchen window, pressing his lips against the screen.
"Verify, thou charming yet nefarious prince, I beg of you to repudiate the statement mine ears did just hear him speak."
Alan and Simon both quickly glance in the direction of the window. Cynric gives Vain a nod of the head and a tip of the hat, and then merely glares at Simon, before he disappears just as quickly as he had appeared.
Alan and Simon look at one another in silence for a moment, before Alan speaks.
"Can you did that, sucka?"
"Don't ever say that again."
Vain bellows in laughter, putting Simon slightly at ease.
"As if you are the one to take advice from on what not to say? After what just occurred? Oh honey, no."
Simon begins to blush, even though Alan continues to laugh.
"I profusely apologize, Alan. It was just… from back there, it looked like… well… you know."[/i]
Alan reaches out and pats Simon on the cheek, looking down upon him almost as if he were a father disappointed in his son.
"I realize that I haven't always done the right thing in life, Simon… but do you honestly think I would stoop to something like that, with you paying us a visit? Do you honestly think I have such little self-control?"
Simon says nothing, instead just hanging his head is shame. Wallace allows his shame to hang over him for many moments before speaking again.
"Besides… it's Wednesday. That's her day of rest."
Simon's head shoots up, Vain standing there and smiling for a moment, before turning and heading towards the fridge.
"What is it that you wanted this evening anyway, Wellington? When you called earlier, I sensed an air of excitement in your voice. Something you wish to share?"
Simon's look changes immediately, from one of shame, to one of excitement.
"The shock of what I thought I was seeing almost caused me to forget. And this news, Alan… it will definitely make up for my buffoonery moments ago."
Having retrieved a water from the fridge, Vain shuts the fridge door and turns around. Leaning against the counter, he takes a long drink, before placing the bottle on the counter beside of him, and then motioning towards his advocate.
"Well then Mr. Wellington, let's hear it."
Simon excitedly walks up to Vain, speaking in a hushed tone.
"You know that… thing… that you and I have discussed multiple times over the last few years?"
"We have discussed many things over the years, Dear Simon… some of which I actually paid attention to. However, you're going to have to be more specific, I'm afraid."
"You know what I am speaking of, Alan. The thing that you most wish to try in life…"
Vain immediately tenses up, uncertainty etched on his face as he looks at his advocate.
"Look, I don't care what you think you thought you saw earlier… but we're just friends, Simon. I'm not sure what conversations y-"
"Oh good Lord, you're an asshole! I'm talking about what you want to try your hand at, to see if it is something you wish to pursue once your wrestling career is over."
Realization washes over Vain immediately, as he nervously begins to chuckle.
"I knew that. I was just having some fun with you."
Vain reaches over and grabs his bottle of water, draining the contents of it, Simon left shaking his head as Alan looks everywhere but at his friend and advocate.
"So… uhh… what about it?"
Now it's Simon's turn to chuckle.
"I'll pick you up bright and early tomorrow. You'll see."
With that, Simon turns and heads towards the door, grabbing his sunglasses off the counter, as Vain watches him questioningly.
================
Thursday, September 20, 2018 - Unknown Location
The car comes to a screeching halt, with Vain hurriedly exiting the vehicle, a look of exasperation as he turns back towards Simon, who is stepping around the front of the vehicle.
"Who in the hell taught you to drive, Simon Wellington? Roy Orbison?!
"Please, I drive perfectly fine."
"No, Simon. No you don't. Now I know why Reecie drove you everywhere when you employed him. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, you drive like Ms. di Dieu wrestles. Completely out of control."
"A tad bit of an overreaction, don't you think, Alan?"
Vain huffs loudly, quickly turning away and gazing upon the indiscriminately-marked building that stands before him. His upper lip curls in disgust.
"Were I to know I'd be visiting a place where I will likely contract Hep-C, I'd have stayed in bed this morning, Simon."
"Always so dramatic. How does Ms. Worth ever put up with you when you're like this?"
"Simple. I put a hurting on the pu-"
"WHOA! NO NO! Don't want to hear that, Alan."
"You're the one who asked, Simon. Now what in God's name are we doing here?"
"Just follow me. Trust me, you're going to love it."
Simon begins making his way towards the main entrance. Vain stands there for a moment, slightly shaking his head back and forth.
"He's exactly one staph infection from getting fired. I swear to Chr-"
"Come on, Alan! Time is money!"
Vain stammers, uncertain whether to follow his advocate or not. He finally relents, hanging his head as he slowly makes his way towards the entrance, kicking at every imaginary pile of dirt and rock that he comes across.
Vain and Simon are having small talk in a small room decorated only with one wooden chair, and a picture of a meadow on the nearest wall. Vain takes not of the picture.
"Ugh, that looks so… magoo. Sweet Lord, it's so boring and drab. Zane Scott painted this, didn't he?"
"Forget about the painting, Alan. You need to be at the top of your game right now. Your future could very well depend on it."
"My future could depend on what, Simon? You haven't told me anything about what we are doing here?!"
Before Simon can respond, the door opens, and in walks a bespectacled man of slight stature, holding a lone manila envelope. Smiling, he hands it to Alan.
"Mr. Wallace, here is your material. Please familiarize yourself with its contents as quickly as possible. There are only three people left before you're up."
With that, the man turns and makes his leave, disappearing through the door as quickly as he had appeared. Vain looks at the envelope, and then back to Simon.
"What the fuck is this place, Simon?"
"The key to your future, Alan Wallace."
"Are you sure about this, Simon. I look like an idiot."
"Just go and be yourself, Alan. You'll be a natural at it."
Taking a deep breath, Vain exhales loudly, and then turns the knob of the door before him. Opening it, he walks through, bright lights shining down upon him. He sports a wig of long brown hair, stringy, and appearing to be wet. A faux beard has been horribly applied to his face, and he has two paper title belts, both colored gold, with one 'draped' over each should. He walks to center stage, taking his place on the red 'X' that has been taped to the floor. The lights shining down on him blind him to the point where he is unable to see who is in the crowd, so he is unaware of who it is that begins speaking.
"Auditions for the independent short film 'Best in the World: Why I rise' continue; Wallace, comma, Alan, reading for the part of Zane Scott. Marker!"
Vain hears the call for action, his mind racing as he attempts to remember the haphazardly written lines that he had to speed-read through over the course of the last thirty minutes. He and Simon had often spoken about Vain possibly breaking into acting at some point in his life, he had just hoped he'd have a bit more time to prepare. Yet, the show must go on, right?
"Shit…"
He realizes he has been silent for going on thirty seconds. Not a good start to this entire thing, and each moment he stands here making an ass of himself, the worse his chances. And though Simon hadn't even hinted at what this reading was for, he knew that his advocate had gone to great lengths to get him this audition. He had to at least try.
"In spite of everything he has said and done over recent months…" He says with a slight shake of his head. "I do respect Alan Wallace."
"Even if he doesn't deserve it."
He smirks.
"While I am aware of the man that he has been, and the shadow of that same man that he currently happens to be…" He says, as he takes a few steps to the left, envisioning Donovan Hastings seated before him. "He isn't half the man that I am now. How could he be?"
He pauses for effect, and then smirks.
"Everyone knows the type of champion I have been…" He begins, rubbing his fake beard for dramatic effect. "I'm not the only triple champion in UGWC history for no reason."
"Even if Alan disagrees."
'Zane' shakes his head.
"At Outlast I prove my superiority…" He states emphatically. "I prove that Donovan putting his trust in me wasn't for nothing. I prove th-"
"CUT!"
Confused, Vain attempts to shield his eyes, to see who may have yelled cut in the middle of his monologue.
"Cut? Seriously? I was nailing it! That was pure gold!"
The unseen man - likely the director - speaks back.
Director: "Sorry Vain. You were saying all of the right words, but there was no fire there. No conviction. No 'oomph'! That was, frankly, boring."
"That's Zane Scott!"
Director: "Even if I agree with you, I'm just not feeling it. Take five to get changed, and we'll continue."
"This might be more difficult than I thought…"
~~~
"You'll be fine, I'm telling you. You've got the jitters worked out now, you'll be fine, now go get 'em, champ!"
Simon walks off the stage, as Vain turns and makes his way back to his mark. The same voice from before bellows out once more.
"Auditions for the independent short film 'Best in the World: Why I rise' continue; Wallace, comma, Alan, reading for the part of Konrad Raab. Marker!"
"And ACTION!"
Vain is already perturbed at having to read for the part of Raab, for two main reasons: He doesn't look homeless, and he hates the fact that he has to sport this godforsaken mask that smells of stale Cheetos and halitosis. Why anyone would want to cover up this beautiful face of his, even if it is to play the part of a low-carder, is beyond him. But he powers on as best he can.
'Konrad': "I know that people don't expect much of me but I don't take offence to that because I know what it is I can do in that ring it's what I have always done in that ring ever since I first started wrestling back in Germany which is the greatest country in the world and one that I strive to bring honor and respect to each time I fight. I've done a lot of things I regret over the years I've been a bad guy probably one of the worst guys to ever compete and I took advantage of everyone I could and I didn't care but as I've gotten older I realize I do care now so I had to find a way to keep from letting my anger get the better of me so I did the only thing I knew to do to become the best ever seen and I started smoking weed."
Vain immediately tears the mask off, dry-heaving a few times, before throwing the mask off the stage.
"As much as I'd enjoy getting a part in this film, I can't in good conscience continue with this audition. Not in that freaking rank mask. Where in the hell did you get that damn thing, anyway? It stinks to high hell."
The director speaks.
Director: "If I'm not mistaken, I believe it was one of Raab's own masks. Not sure how we got it, but it doesn't matter. He was probably high anyway and doesn't remember."
Vain contemplates for a moment before offering an aside.
"Makes sense as to why he speaks so fast and so much, then. He can barely stand his own breath. Pity."
Vain motions out to those he still is unable to see.
"Let's call Raab a rap. I'll be back in five."
~~~
"Auditions for the independent short film 'Best in the World: Why I rise' continue; Wallace, comma, Alan, reading for the part of Travis Pierce. Marker!"
And ACTION!
The stage is empty, mild chattering coming from those in attendance. After a few moments, Vain sticks his head out through the curtain.
"And the truth… hurts."
As quickly as he had popped his head through the curtain, he disappears again, and the hushed conversation grows louder.
"CUT!"
Vain steps back through the curtain, a confused look on his face.
"What seems to be the problem? I felt with this part of the audition, I'd attempt to completely engross myself into the character. And, if I must say, I think I pulled it off exquisitely."
Simon's voice is heard from off the side of the stage.
"How could you possibly feel that was pulled off exquisitely? Did the marijuana fumes from Raab's mask take effect that quickly?"
"What are you talking about, Simon? You said yourself that I needed to 'feel' the character. Whatever that means. So that's what I did. I envisioned Pierce preparing to host his mindless talk show, but realizing right before he went on air that his three fans had gotten stuck in traffic. Not to be deterred, however, he planned to hold the show anyway… but upon further self-reflection, he realized that nobody ever knew if his show was airing or not, because nobody cares. And that realization… that truth… well, to put it mildly, it hurts."
His explanation is met with complete silence, leaving him shaking his head in disbelief.
"Oh, come on! That's an Oscar-worthy performance if I've ever seen one!"
"NEXT!"
"Oh for crying out loud…"
~~~
"Auditions for the independent short film 'Best in the World: Why I rise' continue; Wallace, comma, Alan, reading for the part of Roxy Cotton. Marker!"
"And ACTION!"
Vain sports a gorgeous blonde wig, and a body suit that hugs him in all the - ahem - 'right' places. He stops chomping on his gum long enough to blow a large bubble, the size of which causes it to burst, blowing back in his face, and sticking to his lips, his chin, and even on his nose and just under his eyes. He giggles devilishly.
"And to think, that isn't the worst thing that has been blown forcefully into my face toda-"
"CUT!"
"Dammit!"
Vain turns and stomps towards the curtain, disappearing through it.
~~~
"Auditions for the independent short film 'Best in the World: Why I rise' continue; Wallace, comma, Alan, reading for the part of Necron. Marker!"
"And ACTION!"
The lights go dark, and an eerie fog slowly begins to waft along the edges of the stage. As the sound of an organ plays, the curtains are thrown violently back, and Vain slowly walks through, his face shielding by the large hat that he wears on his head.
Simon quickly runs up beside him, yelling.
"NO! NO! NO! GIMMICK INFRINGEMENT! I CAN'T AFFORD TO BE SUED!"
"What are you blabbering about now, Wellington? You said he was a dead man. How does this not fit that description?"
"I said he was a dead man, Alan… not the Dead Man. Come on!"
Simon begins forcefully shoving Vain back through the curtain, as the director begins losing his patience.
Director: "Jesus Fucking Christ, CUT!"
One of the stagehands begins laughing as he questions what the director just said.
"I dunno, dude… can you actually call 'cut' when the shit never even started?"
Director: "FUCKING SHIT!"
~~~
"Auditions for the independent short film 'Best in the World: Why I rise' continue; Wallace, comma, Alan, reading for the part of Cazador. Marker!"
"And ACTION!"
The stage is empty once more. The director sounds as if he is in need of some coffee.
Director: "What in the titty-fucking shit… where the fuck is he at now?
The same stagehands voice utters a response.
"He didn't show up. Honestly, that's a perfect representation of Cazador."
~~~
"Auditions for the independent short film 'Best in the World: Why I rise' continue; Wallace, comma, Alan, reading for the part of Le Bord di Dieu. Marker!"
"And ACTION!"
Vain stands there, wig slightly disheveled, a wild look on his face. He then screams.
CUT!
"I thought I had that one for sure."
~~~
"Auditions for the independent short film 'Best in the World: Why I rise' continue; Wallace, comma, Alan, reading for the part of Fauxovan Hasteboard. Marker!"
And ACTION!
Vain slowly walks out to the stage, carrying something under his arm. Approaching the red 'X', he takes the object and sets it down on the floor. It's FauxVain. The real Alan Wallace then turns and disappears back behind the curtain.
Director: "Is he trying to give me a stroke? Because I think it's fucking working!"
The stagehand inadvertently turns on the wind machine, the force of which blows FauxVain over.
Director: "GODDAMIT, CUT!"
~~~
"Auditions for the independent short film 'Best in the World: Why I rise' continue; Wallace, comma, Alan, reading for the part of Captain 80s. Marker!"
"And ACTION!"
Vain bursts through the curtain, tassels tightly tied around his biceps. With a glossy look to his eyes, he looks up towards the ceiling, staring out into his great beyond.
AHOY FIRST MATES!! THE CAPTAIN IS EAGERLY AWAITING HIS INCLUSION INTO THE UNIFIED GLOBAL WRESTLING COALITION'S OUTLAST EVENT THIS MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 24, 2018, AT THE PPG PAINTS ARENA, IN PITTSBURGH, PENNSYLVANIA!!
THE CAPTAIN IS STILL REELING FROM THE EVENTS WHICH ALMOST LED TO ROXY COTTON FALLING TO HER CERTAIN DEMISE. WERE IT NOT FOR MY TRIP TO THE TURNEFFE ATOLL THAT RESULTED IN FULL HEALTH BEING RESTORED TO MY MAGICAL BODY, MS. COTTON SURELY WOULD HAVE BEEN INCAPACITATED FOR A GREAT DEAL OF TIME.
PRAISE TO FALCOR THAT ISN'T WHAT HAPPENED!
THE CAPTAIN IS STILL REELING FROM THE EVENTS WHICH ALMOST LED TO ROXY COTTON FALLING TO HER CERTAIN DEMISE. WERE IT NOT FOR MY TRIP TO THE TURNEFFE ATOLL THAT RESULTED IN FULL HEALTH BEING RESTORED TO MY MAGICAL BODY, MS. COTTON SURELY WOULD HAVE BEEN INCAPACITATED FOR A GREAT DEAL OF TIME.
PRAISE TO FALCOR THAT ISN'T WHAT HAPPENED!
Vain begins coughing harshly, the extended yelling in which he is delivering his lines causing his voice to falter. He holds up his hand, bending at the waist as he continues coughing deeply. Finally, the coughing spell subsides.
"My apologies. Doing that impersonation is definitely harder than it looks."
Director: "No, that's quite alright. I… I think I might need a break. Somehow… I'm moist."
The stagehand again chimes in with a sarcastic response.
"Yeah dude, now you know how Roxy feels when she sees him."
Director: "Yeah, I'm going to need at least ten minutes. CUT!"
~~~
"Auditions for the independent short film 'Best in the World: Why I rise' continue; Wallace, comma, Alan, reading for the part of Kenzi Grey-Lacklan. Marker!"
"And ACTION!"
A television stand is resting at center stage, the tv situated at the top flickering on, to showcase the beginning of one of the 'features' starring Gabrielle Montgomery, with a special 'Thanks for Everything' credit mentioning Kenzi Grey-Lacklan at the very beginning. Once the presentation begins, and various orifices begin being 'stuffed', the stagehand speaks up.
"Yo, Director Dude… I think I'm gonna need about twenty minutes alone. Minimum."
Director: "MOTHERFUCKER! CUT!"
~~~
"Auditions for the independent short film 'Best in the World: Why I rise' continue; Wallace, comma, Alan, reading for the part of Kem Dynamo. Marker!"
"And ACTION!"
Vain is dressed in a frumpy set of women's wrestling attire, and is pushing a chalkboard towards center stage.
"Oh Dear God in Heaven…"
Vain positions the chalkboard just right, and then picks up the lone piece of chalk that he brought out with it. The director speaks up.
Director: "I'm almost afraid to ask… but what are you doing now, Mr. Wallace?"
I am a Dynamo, thank you very much. And what I am bringing to you today are the 'Top 500 Reasons Why Kem Dynamo is the Best in the World', which I will then parlay into a slew of algebraic equations that show everyone why it's ultimately in everyone's best interests to be nice to each other on Twitter, and then I will conduct a thirty-minute seminar on how the two of those things correlate to prove that Kem Dynamo will be the one to RISE!
Director: "Fuck, and No. Talk about a big waste of time. CUT!!"
"Did you just fat-shame my presentation? I worked so hard on it, too…"
Director: "Lucio, please cancel my dinner reservations. I have a feeling we are going to be here for a while…"
~~~
"Auditions for the independent short film 'Best in the World: Why I rise' continue; Wallace, comma, Alan, reading for the part of Rogan MacLean. Marker!"
"And ACTION!"
"A far-out story, a representation of sorts of our current standing in this world. Nonsensical analogies. Reasons for my absence. Blame laid at the feet of anyone other than myself. Multiple references to Jase. Ichabod. Gabriel Baal. Too man-"
Director: "Alan… none of that is in the script. What are you doing?"
"If I'm being perfectly honest, my good man, I'm just reciting how I believe the thought process is for Mr. MacLean, when he plans out his aired promos. And, truth be told, I've always been horrid at all of that conceptual nonsense."
"CUT!"
~~~
"Auditions for the independent short film 'Best in the World: Why I rise' continue; Wallace, comma, Alan, reading for the part of Lucky. Marker!"
"And ACTION!"
Vain walks out onto the stage, wearing a rinky-dink biker cut that's three sizes too small. A ball gag is in place, and in his right hand he carries a whip. Taking his place on the 'X', he looks out into the blinding light, and just stands there. Many moments of silence pass, before the director finally speaks up.
Director: "Are you going to do anything as Lucky, Alan?"
Vain reaches back and unlatches the ball gag, pulling it from his mouth.
"I just did as much as Mr. Durden has done the last three years. Besides that, I'm just patiently waiting to see who will play the part of Jettinia. I brought her favorite whip, and her strap-on-"
"CUT!!!"
"Well that was rude…"
~~~
"Auditions for the independent short film 'Best in the World: Why I rise' continue; Wallace, comma, Alan, reading for the part of Annie Fugate. Marker!"
"And ACTION!"
Vain steps through the curtain wearing a bright red wig, and makes his way to center stage. He opens his mouth to begin… but immediately takes the wig off.
"This one is a negative, Ghost Rider. Attempting to emulate Ms. Fugate will undoubtedly give me nightmares for weeks."
He turns and immediately begins making his way back towards the curtain. Flinging it open, he turns and looks back over his shoulder.
"Next up is Ms. Blackwell, correct?"
The director, nearing his wits end, begins tearing through his papers.
Director: "Yes! The audition for the role of Elizabeth Blackwell is next."
Vain thinks to himself for a moment, and then responds.
"Yeah, you can go ahead and begin petting the nope cat on that one, too. Thanks."
Vain disappears through the curtain, as a seething director glares over at Simon Wellington.
Director: "FUCK! SHIT! MOTHER! WHORE! CUT! CUT! FUCKING CUT!"
Simon slides down ever so slightly in his seat, hanging his head in shame.
~~~
"Auditions for the independent short film 'Best in the World: Why I rise' continue; Wallace, comma, Alan, reading for the part of Jet Somers. Marker!"
"And ACTION!"
Vain steps through the curtain, his soccer-mom-style wig perfectly in place. Taking his place at center stage, the stagehand kicks on the wind machine, and 'Jet' stands there smiling, his flowing locks dancing in the wind.
Director: "That… that actually isn't bad. Let's keep this one out for a second look. NEXT!"
"And to think, had I left the wig in the back, I would have totally nailed this part. Live and learn, I suppose. Would that make me 'The Learning Weapon', Simon?"
Simon says nothing, simply preferring to lean forward in his seat, burying his face in his hands.
~~~
"Auditions for the independent short film 'Best in the World: Why I rise' continue; Wallace, comma, Alan, reading for the part of Mizore Payne. Marker!"
"And ACTION!"
Vain walks out and says nothing. Holding a poster board high overhead, he slowly walks to center stage. The poster board reads:
Bring Back the Nope Cat
Muttering complaining is heard, as Vain turns and disappears back through the curtain.
"CUT!!"
~~~
"Auditions for the independent short film 'Best in the World: Why I rise' continue; Wallace, comma, Alan, reading for the part of Angelica Vaughn. Marker!"
"And ACTION!"
Vain bursts through the curtain, dressed modestly in a skirt suit, the skirt portion at kneecap level. He skips towards center stage. He begins hash tagging with his fingers as he speaks. Like this:
"#CoolKids… #CooperativeChampion… #BarkonTwitterafterheadinjuries… #TeamingwithRydellisRuff."
Director: "You know nothing about Angelica Vaughn outside of what you've seen on Twitter, do you, Alan?"
"Just call me Jon Snow."
'CUT!!"
~~
"Auditions for the independent short film 'Best in the World: Why I rise' continue; Wallace, comma, Alan, reading for the part of Phrixus Deimos. Marker!"
"And ACTION!"
Vain walks through the curtain, taking his place at center stage, as he opens up what looks to be a journal. Before he can do anything else…
"CUT!"
"Wait… what did I do this time? I never said anything."
Director: "You have already proven that you make a remarkable Phrixus Deimos, Alan. There's simply no reason to do so again."
"Does that mean I got the part?"
Director: "Unfortunately, no, it does not."
"That makes absolutely no sense, Robert. Explain that decision, please!"
Director: "It simply wouldn't be fair for Phrixus Deimos to have to witness yet again that Alan is a better 'Fear' than 'Fear' is. Words hurt… even in written form."
"Valid point is valid."
~~~
"Auditions for the independent short film 'Best in the World: Why I rise' continue; Wallace, comma, Alan, reading for the part of Lucy Wylde. Marker!"
"And ACTION!"
Vain is already at center stage, laying on a couch that the stagehand set up during the break.
"All of the things that I have been through, and yet still I will rise. No matter what I've seen, who I've loved, or who I've lost, there is nothing that will keep me from my destiny. There is nothing that will keep me from ascending to the top where I belong. There is nothing that will keep me from being the best at what I do."
Director: "Not bad, Alan."
"There really isn't much that I wish to needle Ms. Wylde over, frankly. I respect what she brings to this industry, and she's a hell of a talent. And I will just leave it at that."
Director: "I can respect that, Alan."
"Excellent. Tell me, can I quickly change to the greyish-silver wig, and we can pretend that I said the exact same thing as before, but only this time in a more sinister tone? You know, because 'bad-ass' now, and all that?"
"CUT!"
~~~
"Auditions for the independent short film 'Best in the World: Why I rise' continue; Wallace, comma, Alan, reading for the part of Dave Rydell. Marker!"
"And ACTION!"
Vain storms through the curtain, his wig of short blonde hair coming precariously close to fall off as he storms to center stage with his head mimicking that of a bobblehead doll. He begins yelling into the mic, and somewhere, Machine Gun Kelly immediately begins thinking of a new diss record to write.
'Dave': I told everyone. I told everyone I would be a champion, and look at me now. One-half the Cooperative Champions with that Angie broad. Just like I said. And I'm gonna win Outlast, just like I said. And then I've gonna beat Wallace for the Cross-Hemisphere Title, just like I said. And there ain't nothing any of you can do about it!"
The director interrupts Alan.
Director: "You do realize that Dave Rydell no longer has that appearance, right?"
"What? Really? Shut the front door!"
"Come on, Alan… you knew that."
"I did?"
"Seriously?"
"You do realize that I only concern myself with those that are consequential to my own well-being, right? Dave Rydell does not fall into that category."
As he finishes his statement, his blonde wig falls to the floor, showcasing a flesh-colored molding of rubber that makes him appear to be bald. He smiles.
"Or maybe I just enjoy tormenting the lot of you."
Director: "GODDAMMIT FUCKING CUT!"
~~~
"Auditions for the independent short film 'Best in the World: Why I rise' continue; Wallace, comma, Alan, reading for the part of Sarah Selena Lacklan. Marker!"
"And ACTION!"
The Legion of Interns have totes been dropping the ball lately, and with Outlast being Ubes the event that everyone is talking about, changes might need to be made. Obvs. N-E-Ways, there are some that probs think someone like my dear Auntie… maybe Nekkie… possibly even the Gabster himself might be poised to win the event and become the NEW World Champ, and I think those Dee Dums are totes adorbs. Ser. Because it means that you people legit have a wild imagination. And who doesn't abs love that, amirite?
The stagehand walks over, standing in the aisle between where Simon is seated, and where the Director is possibly having an coronary episode.
"Yo dudes… is anyone else kinda scared right now?"
"You read my mind."
Director: "Ditto"
"CUT!"
"At this point, I don't know what you people want."
~~~
"Auditions for the independent short film 'Best in the World: Why I rise' continue; Wallace, comma, Alan, reading for the part of Eden Morgan. Marker!"
"And ACTION!"
Vain slowly, and somewhat seductively, walks through the curtain, sauntering towards the center stage area.
"It's amusing to think that Alan has built up this reputation of being some sort of unstoppable force," 'she' says, as 'she' slowly wraps her fingers around the microphone and gives out a sultry, pouty look. "It isn't as if he hasn't been beaten at Outlast before. By me. Twice. In the same night."
The director interrupts.
Director: "Say Alan… what is it that is dragging behind you on the floor?"
Alan looks confused for a moment, before suddenly realizing what the question is in reference to. He quickly turns, grabbing the object and jerking it off the floor. He places it beside of him… FauxVain.
"My apologies, as I should have divulged my costar for this scene. FauxVain will be playing the role of Gabriel Baal. Fitting, wouldn't you say?"
Director: "And, just how is that fitting for this scene?"
"Well, in my estimation, Ms. Morgan cannot go anywhere without Mr. Baal being firmly entrenched in her posterior. And if you want this performance to be completely authentic…"
Director: "That's it, I've over this nonsense. Fucking CUT!"
The director hastily rises to his feet, knocking all of his paperwork, as well as his cup of coffee, to the floor. He begins to berate the amused Vain.
Director: "You have done nothing but waste my fucking time here tonight, Alan Wallace, and I've had quite fucking enough of it!"
"You know something, you're right…"
Vain flings FauxVain to the floor, and then tears off his Eden Morgan wig and throws it into the directors face.
"I was dragged here without knowing what was exactly going on, and then you expect me to parade around here pretending to be people that are beneath me?! What gall, you have, you bastard! You have the single greatest entertainment professional in the world today at your disposal, and you attempt to sully him with your idiocy? What gives you the fucking right?"
Vain has hopped down from the stage, and his nose is mere inches away from that of the director. Simon attempts to calm the situation.
"Alan, come on. Let's just get out of here. This close to Outlast, possible jail time for assault simply isn't worth it."
Director: "No no, I am quite enjoying this. This is the best performance I've seen from you all night. Congratulations! You got the part!"
The director turns and begins heading up the aisle, as Vain looks at Simon in confusion. Simon shrugs, as the director stops and turns back towards them.
"Besides, my film is actually entitled 'Best in the World: The continued Rise of 'Vain' Alan Wallace. And you're perfect for the part! I'll have my people contact your people!"
The director bursts through the doors, as Alan slowly turns towards Simon.
"What in the hell just happened here?"
"I… I think you got the role."
The two men look at one another, Vain growing increasingly more angry with each passing second. Simon, stupidly, speaks.
"You're welcome?"
================
Monday, September 24, 2018 - Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania: PPG Paints Arena - UGWC Outlast
The camera feed flickers to life, showing 'Vain' Alan Wallace standing in his locker room, mere moments before the UGWC Outlast pay per view event is slated to begin. He looks determined… focused… as he stares into the camera.
"Simon has told me that, according to the experts in Vegas at least, the odds of me retaining my World Championship here tonight are astronomically low. He has told me that, outside of my most rabid fans, there is absolutely nobody that thinks I can fend off the efforts of the talent employed by this company and keep what is mine. He has told me that most of you feel as if my quest to do what nobody in history has ever done - successfully defend the UGWC World Title at the Outlast event on two separate occasions - is little more than a wishful pipe dream of a deranged and out-of-touch man."
"When will you people realize that it's never a good idea to bet against Alan Wallace?"
"It isn't that the talent within this company isn't at an all-time high, because as loathe as I am to admit that fact, fact is exactly what it is. There are countless individuals that are more than capable of leaving this arena tonight as the new UGWC World Champion. Former World Champions like Jet Somers, Zane Scott, Lucy Wylde, and Eden Morgan; former Cross-Hemisphere Champions like Phrixus Deimos and Gabriel Baal; any one of the #CoolKids; former Wrestlestock Open winners such as Sarah Lacklan, Kem Dynamo, and Kenzi Grey-Lacklan; hell, even the rejuvenated Dave Rydell, as well as the likes of Necron and Le Bord. Any single one of them has the talent to become the NEW UGWC World Champion, and go on to represent the company to the best of their abilities."
"Too bad they won't."
"Because for as much as any one of them yearns to win this World Championship… my yearning to keep what is mine is ten times greater. Because while I may pride myself on being the best wrestler that this industry has ever seen, I also realize that to this point, I have wrestled longer than the time I have left to wrestle. The one opponent that all of us will eventually fall to is Father Time. It will come for all of us before we want it to. Even 'Yours Truly'."
"But that time isn't tonight. Not for Alan Wallace."
"I have too much left to prove; to the veterans who are jealous of the fame and notoriety that I still possess, to the younger stars who feel it is time I step aside. To the powers-that-be that would much prefer a Yes-Man to take my position, to the fans who are more enamored with flashy ring attire and snappy entrance music, as opposed to preferring to see great wrestling."
"Some of you might question, after all the success I have had over the years, why it seems as if I am never happy with my standing. And for anyone who has any semblance of intelligence, it's quite simple. Those with low expectations can expect subpar results."
"And there is nothing subpar about 'Vain' Alan Wallace."
"Some of you might wonder why I set the expectations for myself that I do, and it's because I know that no matter how great I am, or how great I become, I know that I will never live up to the expectations that I set for myself… but damn if I won't try to the best of my ability. And because of that, everyone associated with the wrestling industry will reap the benefits far longer than I will be an active competitor."
"Everyone I meet in that ring will be forced to raise their own expectations, if they ever hope to defeat me and keep me down. And when that happens, night in and night out… month in and month out… every single person that I meet in that ring ultimately keeps getting better and better themselves. And at some point, this company… hell, this industry… will finally prove that they can stand on their own, without being propped up my me."
"Unfortunately, that point will not come tonight."
"I expect everyone to give me their best shot. I expect everyone to go into this match thinking they have what it takes to outlast the entire company, and be the lone member left standing at the end of the night. But therein lies the difference between 'Vain' Alan Wallace and everyone else. They all think they have what it takes to reign victorious here tonight. I know I do."
"So to the other members of the UGWC active roster, I am throwing down the gauntlet. Do what you say you can do, even though deep down, you question whether you're being honest with yourselves. Do what all of my naysayers claim will be a certainty, even though they speak out of both sides of their mouths. Do what the Consortium prays will occur, even though they know that where Vain goes, so too goes the money. Pin 'The Vain One' for the one, two, three… and raise that UGWC World Title high in the air. And most importantly…"
"Prove me wrong."
FIN